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How To Love Yourself and Focus on Effort, Not Outcome with Kamal Ravikant

August 27, 2020 by Lace Gilger in Focus & Productivity, Emotional Intelligence

Kamal Ravikant is the author of the bestselling books, Love Yourself Like Your Life Depends On I, Live Your Truth, and Rebirth. He’s been a US Army Infantry soldier, held the hands of dying patients, climbed in the Himalayas, spoken to audiences around the globe, walked 550 miles across Spain, meditated with Tibetan monks, and has worked with some of the best people in Silicon Valley. But more than anything, he is passionate about writing books that improve lives. He lives — for now — in New York City.

In this episode, we dig into how you can truly master the art of loving yourself, breathing techniques that will change your world, and much more. 

  • Why Kamal decided to revisit his best-selling book and what to expect from the update. 

  • How Kamal studies the great authors of history to plan his wiring approach. 

  • His personal story of learning to love himself. 

  • Why you don’t need to have hit rock bottom to want to improve yourself. 

  • Practical Steps for Loving Yourself

    • Stop forgiving yourself. 

    • Make a vow and then live it. 

    • If it makes you feel different, lean in, if not discard it. 

  • The ten breathes exercise that will change your life. 

  • How to control your mental chatter. 

  • How you can control your internal mind and body more than you think you can!

  • Homework: Try Kamal’s ten breathes exercise and also… watch Disney’s Moana.

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Please SUBSCRIBE and LEAVE US A REVIEW on iTunes! (Click here for instructions on how to do that).

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Looking for other ways to make life easier and more productive? Remember to check out our free new resource on Evidence-Based Growth at SuccessPodcast.com/EBG.

The personal development world is full of bad information. We got sick and tired of this, so we hired a team of researchers to dig through a huge treasure trove of scientific data and figure out what the science is really saying, free of bias, hype, and self promotion.

Our research team combed through thousands of studies to figure out exactly what the science says about popular personal development topics. Learn what works, what doesn’t, and exactly how you can use things like meditation, journaling, breathing, and so much more to achieve your goals.

With this tool, you can finally find and implement the self help and personal development methods that will create the biggest positives results in your life. And this time, you will have science on your side.

Want To Dig In More?! - Here’s The Show Notes, Links, & Research

General

  • FounderZen Website

  • Kamal’s Blog 

  • Kamal’s Facebook, Twitter, and LinkedIn

Media

  • The CEO Library - Books Recommended by Kamal Ravikant

  • Turndog - “4 Inspiring Life Lessons From Kamal Ravikant” by TURNDOG

  • Crunchbase Profile - Kamal Ravikant

  • Article Directory on Medium 

  • [Podcast] Aubrey Marcus - How To Practice Self-Love with Kamal Ravikant - AMP #239

  • [Podcast] The Chase Jarvis Live Show - 10 Breaths Back to Love with Kamal Ravikant

  • [Podcast] The Rich Roll Podcast - EPISODE 515: KAMAL RAVIKANT ON WHY SELF-LOVE IS EVERYTHING

  • [Podcast] Good Life Project - Loving Yourself (the truth) | Kamal Ravikant

  • [Podcast] The Unmistakable Creative Podcast - THE PROFOUND POWER OF PERSONAL COMMITMENT WITH KAMAL RAVIKANT

Videos

  • Kamal’s Channel

    • One of the Most Important Lessons of My Life

  • Inspire Nation - The Simplest, Most Powerful Way to Completely Change Your Life! Kamal Ravikant

  • James Altucher - Back from the Dead: Kamal Ravikant Shares How His Near-Death Experience Led to Inner Peace

  • SOFREP - Episode 3: Inside the Team Room with U.S. Navy SEAL Snipers – Guest Kamal Ravikant

  • Mpenzi Meditations - I love myself | Guided meditation

  • Glenn Beck - The Miracle of Loving Yourself | Kamal Ravikant | Ep 66 | The Glenn Beck Podcast

  • Knowledge for Men - Kamal Ravikant: Love Yourself Like Your Life Depends on It

Books

  • Love Yourself Like Your Life Depends on It by Kamal Ravikant

  • Rebirth: A Fable of Love, Forgiveness, and Following Your Heart by Kamal Ravikant

  • Live Your Truth by Kamal Ravikant

  • Rebirth book site

  • Kamal’s Amazon Page

Misc

  • [Product] Olympic Rings

August 27, 2020 /Lace Gilger
Focus & Productivity, Emotional Intelligence
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How To Get Help Solving Any Problem You’re Facing with Dr. Wayne Baker & Larry Freed

July 09, 2020 by Lace Gilger in Focus & Productivity

In this episode we share how to ask for what you want, get the help you need to succeed, and look at the evidence-based lessons for how you can get more of what you want with our guests Dr. Wayne Baker and Larry Freed. 

Wayne E. Baker is an American author and sociologist on the senior faculty of the University of Michigan Ross School of Business. He is best known for his research in economic sociology, and his survey research on values, where he documented Americans’ core values. He writes in both academic and popular media on this theme and is often invited to present his findings across the U.S.

Larry Freed is the co-founder and former CEO of ForeSee, the leader in customer experience analytics. While at ForeSee, Larry worked with many of the leading companies of the Fortune 500 and was a frequent speaker at many industry events. Larry then founded 2nd Stage Partners where he advised early-stage and growth-stage technology companies. Larry is the author of Innovating Analytics: How the Next Generation of Net Promoter Can Increase Sales and Drive Business Results and Managing Forward: How to Move From Measuring the Past to Managing the Future. He is currently the CEO of Give and Take, helping companies increase knowledge collaboration, employee engagement, and business results.

  • Reciprocity Ring - giving and receiving help from other people. 

  • No one wants unsolicited help. The process must begin with unsolicited help. 

  • People are afraid to ask for help:

    • They don’t want to look dumb. 

    • They don’t think anyone can help them. 

    • They don’t know WHO to ask. 

  • Reducing the stigma of asking for help is KEY - but it’s also essential to make it EASY

  • Givers outnumber the people that ask for help about 2.4x to one based on data from the Givitas platform

  • How to reduce giver burnout 

  • Help comes from places that you would NEVER expect. 

  • The concept of “generalized reciprocity” is more powerful than specific reciprocity. 

  • 85% of the time, the people you help aren’t the people who help you. 

  • “SMART” Requests are more likely to get answered:

    • Specific requests. Specificity triggers people’s memories. Generic requests are less likely to be helped. 

    • Meaningful - “Why” are you making the request?

    • Action - ask for something specific to be done. 

    • Realistic - within the realm of possibility. 

    • Time - what’s the deadline?

  • 2 Competing models for why people give

    • Reputation - helping so you’re perceived well by others. 

    • Gratitude & Paying it forward for the help received.

  • Gratitude is a MUCH more powerful motivator for why people help (vs trying to improve their reputations). 

  • Only 10-20% of people say thank you when they are helped. 

  • The incredible lesson from “Kidney Chains” - giving the gift of life. 

  • Acquiring “ambient” knowledge is very valuable knowledge. 

  • What should you do if you’re afraid to ask for help?

  • 3 Methods for Better Asks

    • The quick-start method

      • “I’m currently working on _____"

        • “And I could use ____"

      • “My biggest challenge is ____"

        • “And I need _____"

    • The goal envisioning method

    • Visioning

  • Celebrate the people in your organization that are ASKING for help... that’s the harder part.

  • The leader should model the behavior they want in others. As a leader, you have to be willing to make a request and be the chief help seeker. 

  • The evidence should convince you… if you’re a taker.. that you will be more successful if you give. 

  • If you want to maximize your effectiveness and your performance, you need to give and take. 

  • How do you avoid giving burnout? 

  • Homework: Start by asking yourself what you need and what you are trying to accomplish. Practice asking. 

  • When you ask, you give someone else the opportunity to be a giver. It’s not a burden when you ask for help, you’re giving them the gift of helping you. If you don’t ask, you’re not enabling other people to be generous. 

  • It’s a responsibility to ASK for help - it’s a required, essential part of the whole process. 

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Thank you so much for listening!

Please SUBSCRIBE and LEAVE US A REVIEW on iTunes! (Click here for instructions on how to do that).

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This week's episode of The Science of Success is brought to you by Best Fiends.

Best Fiends is a 5-Star rated mobile puzzle game with over 100 million downloads. I’m not someone who is traditionally a mobile game person but I have to say I’m a HUGE fan of this game and it’s a great way to challenge yourself when you’re on the go, waiting in line, or doing some relaxing.

The games developers and team are constantly updating with new themes and levels so the game never gets old or less challenging. This really keeps you on your toes in a fun way as you need to utilize different characters and strategies in order to succeed. What may have gotten you to a certain point in most cases won’t get you to the next.

You’re constantly engaging your brain with fun puzzles and collecting tons of unique characters. Trust me, with over 100 millions downloads this 5-star rated mobile puzzle game is a must play. So check it out go to the Apple app store or Google Play store on your phone and download best fiends today and start playing.

The game is great, their team is great so go check it out now and start playing today, I’ll see you on the leaderboard! 

Want To Dig In More?! - Here’s The Show Notes, Links, & Research

General

  • Givitas has a number of free communities anyone can join: 

    • Givitas also created a free community for Science of Success podcast listeners to exchange ideas, advice, and information. Sign up here.

  • Larry’s LinkedIn, Facebook, and Twitter

  • Wayne’s Site and Wiki page

  • Wayne’s LinkedIn and Twitter

Media

  • Forbes - “The Lost Art Of Asking For Help (And How To Master It)” by Kevin Kruse

  • INC. - “The Perfect Way to Help Your Employees Collaborate More Effectively and Efficiently (and Also Feel More Valued and Engaged)” by Jeff Haden

  • NetworkWise - Larry Freed Says the Key to Success is Not Being Afraid to Ask Questions

  • Cronicle - “How Do You Ask For Help At Work? Give & Take Launches Givitas Software To Leverage Reciprocity” by Laura Cowan

  • Business Wire - Givitas Launches to Help Companies Build “Giving Cultures,” Increasing Employee Engagement and Efficiency

  • Medium - “Givitas Comes Out of Beta!” by Larry Freed

  • CIO Applications - “Give and Take: The Architect of Enterprise Hive Minds”

  • Crunchbase Profile - Larry Freed

  • Forbes - “Customer Experience Controls Business Growth Today” by Martin Zwilling (Book review, 2013)

  • [Podcast] LEADx Leadership Podcast with Kevin Kruse - PODCAST #292: Give And Take At Work | Larry Freed

  • [Podcast] Recalculating for Small Business - Larry Freed, Give And Take Inc. & Ross Kimbarovsky, CrowdSpring. Apr 3, 2018

  • [Podcast] NetworkWise: Conversations with Connors - 044: Larry Freed - It Doesn’t Hurt to Ask

  • [Podcast] YOU, ME, AND YOUR TOP THREE - Start by Asking for Help (wsg Larry Freed)

Videos

  • All You Have to Do is Ask - “GIVITAS AND THE RECIPROCITY RING'S BIGGEST CHALLENGE... ASKING. A WEBINAR WITH GIVE & TAKE INC.” (w/ Dr. Baker and Larry Freed)

  • Give and Take, Inc. YouTube Channel

    • Introducing Givitas by Give and Take

  • AnnArborSPARK - Tech Talk 2018: Larry Freed, Give and Take

  • LEADx - Larry Freed Says To Ask For Help More

Books

  • All You Have to Do Is Ask: How to Master the Most Important Skill for Success by Wayne Baker

  • Innovating Analytics: How the Next Generation of Net Promoter Can Increase Sales and Drive Business Results  by Larry Freed

  • Managing Forward: How to Move From Measuring the Past to Managing the Future  by Claes Fornell and Larry Freed

Misc

  • All You Have to Do is Ask Book Site

  • Innovating Analytics book site

  • [SoS Episode] Why Aren’t You Asking? How To Get What You Want with Dr. Wayne Baker

Episode Transcript

[00:00:04.4] ANNOUNCER: Welcome to The Science of Success. Introducing your host, Matt Bodnar.

[0:00:11.8] MB: Welcome to the Science of Success; the number one evidence-based growth podcast on the Internet with more than five million downloads and listeners in over a hundred countries.

In this episode, we share how to ask for what you want, get the help you need to succeed and look at evidence-based lessons for how you can get more of what you want with our guests, Dr. Wayne Baker and Larry Freed.

Are you a fan of the show and have you been enjoying the content that we put together for you? If you have, I would love it if you signed up for our e-mail list. We have some amazing content on there, along with a really great free course that we put a ton of time into called How To Create Time for What Matters Most In Your Life. If that sounds exciting and interesting and you want a bunch of other free goodies and giveaways along with that, just go to successpodcast.com. You can sign up right on the homepage. That’s successpodcast.com. Or if you’re on your phone right now, all you have to do is text the word smarter, that’s S-M-A-R-T-E-R to the number 44-222.

In our previous episode, we heard the incredible story of how our guest went from a bricklayer to working with some of the most powerful and influential people in the world, and the amazing lessons that he learned about making things happen along the way with our previous guest, Steve Sims.

Now for our interview with Wayne and Larry.

[00:01:37] MB: Wayne E. Baker is an American author and sociologist on the senior faculty at the University of Michigan Ross School of Business. He's best known for his research in economic sociology and his survey research on values, where he documented America's core values. Larry Freed is the Co-Founder and former CEO of ForeSee, the Founder of 2nd Stage Partners and the author of Innovating Analytics: How the Next Generation of Net Promoter Can Increase Sales and Drive Business Results and the book Managing Forward: How to Move from Measuring the Past to Managing the Future. Larry is also currently the CEO of Give and Take.

Wayne and Larry, welcome to the Science of Success.

[00:02:18] WB: Thank you, Matt. Glad to be here.

[00:02:20] LF: Great to be here, Matt. Thanks.

[00:02:21] MB: Well, I'm really excited to have you back on, Wayne, and I'm excited to have you on the show as well, Larry. You guys have put together a really interesting project and I want to get into the science behind it and some of the research, because one of main focus is really the reason that this show even exists is to take science data, research evidence and make that into really practical, implementable, actionable things in people's lives. You're doing that every day and that's what I find so interesting about what you're up to. I'd love to start out with the science of giving. Why do we give? Why don't we give? What is the impact on us?

[00:03:01] WB: Yeah. I can trace the idea back 21 years when we created the reciprocity ring. It's an activity for teams, or groups in which people ask for and give help to one another. We created it as a giving activity, a generosity activity. We learned very early on that getting people to help and to give seem natural. People really liked doing that. The real problem was getting people to ask for what they needed. You can't give unless you know what another person needs. What we discovered through the reciprocity ring and then the research that we have conducted since is that the key to giving and receiving is the request. That's a catalyst that drives the whole process. Not what I expected, but that's what the data show.

[00:03:48] LF: Givers will give if you make it easy for them to give and they need that and they also obviously need someone to ask, because no one wants unsolicited help. We all get that from time to time and we're never really happy about it. If the process starts with the person asking for help and that really is the key and then what we want to do is make sure that we create an environment where we're encouraging that process to continue, both on asking for help side, but also on the giving side and we want to protect against generosity burnout and things like that.

[00:04:20] WB: Yeah, I can add a bit to that. Larry, you mentioned that no one likes unsolicited help. My 18-year-old who is finishing high school remotely here could attest to that. He doesn't like any unsolicited help from me at all.

[00:04:32] LF: It's a common trait that we all run into with lots of family members.

[00:04:37] MB: Yeah. That's a great insight. I mean, it comes back to that one of the most interesting things, Wayne, about your work that I find so intriguing is that it wasn't getting people to give that's the problem, it's actually the opposite, which is getting people to ask for help. You wouldn't think that that would be the issue and yet, that's really what the challenge was.

[00:04:56] WB: Yeah, it was really a surprise. I'm driven by the evidence and by the data and then it was just really clear that that was the case. Part of our research has been to identify and then circumvent, or overcome some of the obstacles or the barriers to asking. A very common one is that people are reluctant to ask, because they are concerned, or they fear that they'll be perceived to be incompetent, or weak, they can't do their job, they're uneducated. There's new research that's come out that says as long as you make a thoughtful request, people will think you are more competent, not less. That's one of the many barriers.

One other one I'll mention briefly is that we don't ask sometimes, because we think no one can help us. When we use a lot of the activities that Larry and I have developed and others, sometimes people will take me aside and say, “You know, I don't want to ask because I know no one here can help me.” My answer is always the same. You never know what people know, or who they know until you ask. When they ask, they're always surprised because they discover that there are all kinds of resources out there somewhere in the network, but they need a mechanism to ask and then to start the movement, or circulation of those resources through that network.

[00:06:11] LF: To add onto that, one of the other challenges in asking is knowing who to ask. The reciprocity ring was a great example of when you bring a group of people together, they don't have to direct it to any one individual. They don't need to know the person that might have the right answer. They don't have to spend all that time asking John, John sending a nod, [inaudible 00:06:28] go to Sally. Sally can't help, then he go to Bob and maybe Bob helps.

When you can ask a group of people, it becomes a lot more efficient. It also I think reduces the risk of that individual. They don't feel like they're taking up one person's time. They're making it easier. They're hitting 10, 15, 20 people at a time in a reciprocity ring and Givitas, lets you do that with hundreds and thousands of people.

One of the things that we see is that reducing that stigma of asking for help is really key, but also is to make it easy to ask for help, especially when you don't know who to ask. An interesting stat from our platforms that we see is that the givers will outnumber the people that ask for help about 2.4 to 1. The key is getting those people to ask.

[00:07:09] WB: It's a really good point, Larry. One of the benefits of posting your request or your ask to an entire group is that it eliminates, or at least reduces give or burnout, because you're not going to the usual suspects, the same people, but rather you're casting a wide net.

The other advantage is that you discover that help comes from places you would never expect. I remember when I was writing my latest book that I used Givitas quite frequently to post a request for say, a new example, or a fresh example of something, or a practice that would illustrate these principles, and it was amazing. I got connected to people from all over the world who I never would have met.

One of my favorite ones was a person who is an HR director for one of the aboriginal corporations in Alaska, someone who was not someone I would meet in my normal travels and yet, it was really, really helpful. You never know where the help will be. A tool like Givitas really enables you to in a sense, search the world for the person that's got the contact, or the resource you need.

[00:08:18] MB: There's two concepts that I want to drill down on a little bit. One is and we talked about this in your previous interview, Wayne, but I want to make sure that listeners who might not have heard that understand what we're talking about. Can you give a little bit of background on what a reciprocity ring is and some of the findings that have come out of using those?

[00:08:35] WB: Sure. Glad to. When we say reciprocity, we often think about what we call direct reciprocity. Matt, I help you and you help me and that's great. We would want that to happen, but there's a more powerful form of reciprocity. We call it generalized reciprocity. Larry helps me and of course, I'm more likely to help him to pay back that help, but I'm also grateful for the help that I received and I'm more likely to pay it forward and help you, or help someone else and the chain goes all the way around.

We had that concept in mind, that generalized form of reciprocity and said, how can we create an activity that would allow people to experience this and to actually benefit while they had that experience? We came up with this idea of the reciprocity ring. There's a very particular recipe. We train people how to run it. There's a poster and materials that go with it and so forth. It's going to sound simpler than it actually is. But essentially, everyone makes a request to the entire group and they spend most of the time trying to figure out how they can meet other requests that people have.

You get to make a request and then you're spending most of your time helping other people meet their requests. What we find is about 85% of the time that the people you help are not the people who helped you. Rather, it's that more indirect or a generalized form of reciprocity. In brief, you could think about it as a structured, or guided facilitated activity for asking for and giving help that really brings out all of the resources that exist in a group.

[00:10:10] MB: I love that stat that 85% of the time the person who helps you is not the person that you helped. When we look at our lives more broadly with that lens, it really shines light on the fact that you may never know where help is actually going to come from.

[00:10:26] WB: Oh, absolutely. One of my favorite ones was a senior engineer in a large manufacturing company had a request involving some complex problem he had with a metallurgical process. Now I had no idea what he was really talking about, but he asked. He said, “Look, I need to talk to an expert in this particular metallurgical problem.” Help came from a 22-year-old admin who had recently been hired by the company. You would think, “Well, how would that person be able to help? She was not an engineer.”

She said, “Well, my dad is the world's expert in that problem and he just retired. My mom has been encouraging him to spend more time outside of the home.” She's able to tap her network and connect her dad with this engineer. Together, they solved the problem.

[00:11:15] LF: If you take that and think about when you're doing it in a face-to-face environment, it's remarkable how powerful that network and how far that network can reach up; 20, 25 people that you're with and the people that they know. Now say you’re in an online reciprocity ring, or what we call Givitas and you're dealing with 200, 500, a 1,000, 2,000 people and how much power you have. You really get that multiplicative impact in terms of that reach, which is phenomenal.

[00:11:46] MB: If you hit such a big group of people, at some point does it start to break down in terms of it becomes almost too anonymous to really be able to understand and help people with their problems? Or have you found that it's actually the opposite and the larger network really ends up creating a lot more value for people?

[00:12:03] LF: I think it's the opposite in many ways. The key thing is is that we also want to balance that generosity burnout. Selfless people often will say yes to everything and they get sucked in this time and they can't really do their own job and get their own things done. Or a typical social network lures you into that social network and you spend two hours on it bouncing around and watching videos and all kinds of crazy stuff these days and you don’t realize where the time went.

Givitas is really structured in that same way the reciprocity ring is. In many ways, it's an online manifestation of the reciprocity ring. You have that structure, so it makes it really easy. We use the phrase, be a giver on five minutes a day, or five minutes a week. When you look at a typical network, or a community forum, or listserv, you see topics posted. Sometimes people are posting. Sometimes they're bragging, sometimes they're making a joke, sometimes they're commenting on things that aren't relevant. It's hard to make sense of it all and it gets really, really noisy really fast.

We create smaller communities. It's not open for everybody. It's an invited group of people, but still can be in the thousands. The beauty is is there some structure to it. You know when a request is made, you know when someone makes an offer or help to it. It makes the process of going through the items that much quicker and easier and it really is about that efficiency and again, givers will give when you make it easy and givers will give because they want to be recognized for it and they want to be shown thanks and gratitude. We can do all that in the platform, which is makes it really, really powerful.

[00:13:34] WB: Yeah, I can add to that. I think larger is better. What we've found is that there's a tipping point, a critical mass, and it's generally a larger network works better and better. We've also found that it's helpful to have an affinity, or a common topic or interest. Give you a couple of examples, there's a Givitas community for people in HR, human resources, people who are in HR, or have an interest in that. There's another for women at work, one on people analytics, one for associations, another for non-profits. People have a common interest or that affinity.

What we've found is that people are just really, really helpful. I think of it as the kindness of strangers, that people are really willing. I'm still amazed that some of the help that has given, for example in that HR ring, where someone would post a request for something that's pretty complicated HR issue, or challenge that they have. That's been addressed, or solved in other companies, but they don't know where, but they find it through this tool. People will say, “Oh, here's my 20 slide PowerPoint deck of how we address that problem,” and it's really quite amazing. It's a large network that really makes it go.

[00:14:47] MB: I'm also curious and there's a couple other things I want to dig into too, but what percentage and you may not have exact metrics around this, but what percentage of asks, or problems, or challenges go either unanswered, or don't get resolved, or don't really get forward progress on goal they're trying to get help with?

[00:15:08] LF: In a Givitas platform, in the reciprocity ring it's almost what? 99.50% or more get some help and all the ones I've seen, I don't think I can think of maybe one request and nobody was able to offer help on. In the platform, we actually see similar kinds of numbers. It's generally 98%, 99.50%. It's also interesting, because on average we'll see three and a half to four offers of help for each request. A request still has to be a good request. Sometimes when you don't get help, it's because your request was too vague, it wasn't specific enough, there was no realness to it. There's a whole methodology and Wayne is the expert in this, to really make it a good request and that's part of it.

Once you make that, then you get that request out there. When you've got a broader network, you're more than likely to get help. The beauty is is when you've got a group of people trying to help, you can build on what each other's knowledge is. You don't even need to have one person that has the whole answer. You might get part of the answer from one person and another part from somebody else. Then a third person weighs in and makes a comment and says, “This is right on, but one more thing to think about.” Now you've got really the community helping to solve that problem. The beauty is it just takes a couple of minutes. People are happy to do it and we just get incredible response that way.

[00:16:26] WB: Yeah, what we've found is that a request that is well formulated is more likely to get a response, even if it's a challenging or difficult request. The acronym that we use is a SMART request, which is different from a smart goals; the criteria a little bit different. I'll go through them very quickly. The S is for specific and Larry mentioned that already. Quite sometimes, people make a general request thinking that they're casting a broader net, but it's hard to respond to a really general request. It's a specific request that triggers people's memories of what they know and who they know. The S is for specific. The M is for meaningful. That's the why of the request, really critical do that.

I've done some statistical analysis with a colleague of mine on thousands of these requests and we find that those where people have left off the why, or the meaningful part are less likely to get a response, because people don't really understand what's behind the request. The Y is really important. A is for action. You're asked for something to be done. The R is for strategically realistic. Now we encourage big requests, stretch requests, small requests, as long as it's real, but it's got to be within the realm of possibility.

Then finally, T is time. What's the deadline? Again here, a very specific deadline is much more motivating to people than a general request. If I said, “Oh, sometime by the end of the year,” people will put it – I mean, I've got post-its on my desk here that are those kinds of requests. I'll do this when you get to it. Well, I'm not likely to get to it. If I knew that you needed something in a week, I'm much more likely to respond, because I know you need it much more urgently.

[00:18:07] AF: This episode the Science of Success is brought to you, yes, yet again, by the mobile app Best Fiends. That's best friends without the R. Best Fiends is honestly one of the best mobile games I've ever played. If you're looking for a truly fun and engaging way to pass the time while enjoying a great story and awesome visuals, Best Fiends is for you.

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[00:19:29] MB: I love the specificity and all of these different components of making a request that's actually going to get answered, because you have so much data from the platform that actually shows quantitatively, here are the kinds of requests that get positive feedback, get tracks and get answers and here are the kinds of requests that struggle, or that don't.

[00:19:48] LF: It really plays out. If you ask, “Hey, I'm looking for a new job,” no one can really help you. But if you say, “Hey, I'm looking for a job in this field. This is the experience I have. I want to do this in the next two months and I want it to be in one of these two cities,” people have a chance to help. It's just so important to drill down into that area that what you really need. Again, it's about making it easy to ask for help, but also make it easier for the givers to give help.

[00:20:16] WB: I can add a little to that with what we've learned from some of the research that we've published. Ned Buckley and I used a lot of Givitas data and analyzed thousands and thousands and thousands of requests and offers. We were interested in two different explanations about why someone would give and why someone would help and we ran a horse race between these two different competing explanations.

One is that I'm more likely to help in order to give a good impression. It's all about impression management, so people will think I'm a generous person and therefore, will help me in the future. It's a reputation thing. The other explanation, the other horse in the race is that I'm more likely to help, because I'm paying it forward out of gratitude for help received. It's a very different motivation. We didn't know which way it was going to go, but we had all of this data and we did this very sophisticated statistical analysis control for other factors.

What we found is that the stronger and the longer-lasting effect was gratitude for help received, so there was some reputation, or impression management going on, but mainly people helped others who hadn't helped them, because they were paying it forward, because they were so grateful for the help that they had received. I found that one of the most interesting findings from my research.

[00:21:37] MB: That's great. I love that finding. It's funny, because in many ways, the second-order effect of that is that the more you help people down the road, the more help that they're going to give to others and almost an endless cascade of an upward spiral, if you will, of positive giving and helping.

[00:21:56] WB: Absolutely. You can think about it as not only resources flowing through the network, but positive emotions and even positive energy flowing through the network as well.

[00:22:09] LF: When you can build in the gratitude to it as well, right? First of all, when you see other people help, you're encouraged to participate and help. There's a little bit of maybe call it peer pressure, but that's one way to think about it, or it's just, “Hey, they're doing good. I'm going to do good.” Most people get a good feeling when they help others. There's all kinds of research that shows you feel better when you're helping other people.

Then the gratitude being shown back, someone saying thank you, we appreciate that, we're grateful for it. Really goes a long way to encourage you to do it again. I saw some research a while back and it talked about that on average when people are getting help, it's 10% to 20% of the time, they're saying thank you. It's remarkable how low that number is. When we can raise that up to 50%, 60%, 70%, 80% it really creates this, I like to think of it as a cycle of generosity. You help people, you see other people helping, you want to get into that, you want to be part of that and it just expands the network so far and so powerful that the help is always there. Again, if you follow that gratitude, it's really, really an encouraging aspect to continue to be that giver.

[00:23:16] MB: One of the great examples of this outside of the data you have from Givitas is a classic example and we talked about in our last interview, Wayne, of the kidney chain. I'd love to just hear that, again, explained really briefly, because to me that's such a great demonstration of the power of gratitude and paying it forward and how it can really create a positive impact.

[00:23:36] WB: Yeah, the kidney chain is truly, truly amazing. One of my favorite ones, maybe because I live here in Michigan was started by Matt Jones, another Michigander, who was thinking about how could I really do something of great value to another person? He said, “You know, I've got two kidneys. I can live just fine with one. I'm going to look into donating one of my kidneys to a stranger.” You can understand donating a kidney to a family member, that thing. He said, “No, I want to donate it to a stranger.” He actually had to undergo an evaluation to make sure that there's motivation for this, but it was true altruism.

He arranged to do that. The person who received that kidney, that person's life was saved as a result of receiving that kidney. Now that person was married to someone who would have donated his kidney, but they weren't compatible blood types or whatever. He said, “You know, but what I'm going to do is that I'm going to pay it forward and I'm going to donate one of my kidneys to another stranger.” Then the stranger who received it, one of that person's relatives did the same thing. It was this kidney to kidney to kidney, this whole stranger chain of people giving the gift of life through donating kidneys. Some of these kidney chains are really, really long now.

There are some hospitals who actually have created a mechanism to allow people to do this, because we know there's always a shortage for human organs. They're really quite amazing to see, this is one of the most vivid illustrations of true human generosity in a kidney chain.

[00:25:15] MB: It comes back to that same concept of one act of giving. It has the potential to be a chain reaction. The thing that’s stopping that giving from being unlocked is not a willingness to give, it's a willingness to ask.

[00:25:30] WB: It's absolutely right. What I think about is there are four types that we've shown in our research. We've developed an assessment that will assess your propensity to give and your propensity to ask, or to request. The best place to be is what we call the giver requester. Now that's someone who is generous, who freely gives, who gives without expectations of return and they will make requests when they have a need. They do both. They're very well regarded for their generosity and they're the most productive, because they get the inflow of answers, questions, resources, things that they need, that input in order to be successful.

Another type that we see is probably the most common type is the overly generous giver; the person who gives a lot, but doesn't ask for what they need. That's where burnout occurs. The remedy to that is twofold. One is you need to put boundaries on giving, so you don't over commit your resources, or overtax yourself, but you also need to make requests. If you've been helping a lot of people, there's a lot of people out there who want to help you in return, the opposite of the overly generous giver is the selfish taker. They have no problem asking, but they don't give very often.

What we found in the reciprocity ring and Givitas is that if you have takers in there, they will still give, because both of these are transparent, so you know whether someone's giving or not and that's one reason why these tools work so well is that even the selfish taker will give when it's transparent.

The rounded out, the fourth type is what we call the lone wolf. In some ways, it's the most tragic, or the saddest of the four types, because they don't give, they don't ask. They're pretty disconnected from the whole world. Just got their head down and trying to do their work. They're not very successful, because you really do need input from other people to truly be successful.

[00:27:22] LF: Yeah. The power of the exercise and the experience, getting those takers to participate and you could argue that they may be doing it for the wrong reason, but they're not doing it necessarily out of the goodness of their heart. Nonetheless, they're sharing information, knowledge, experience and helping other people and that's what really counts. They may be doing it because everyone sees them do it, because others are doing it they don't want to be left behind, they don't want their reputation tarnished. To some extent, you can keep score.

We have metrics and analytics around who's giving, who's helping and so on. That encouragement to get the takers to participate and help others really helps the whole community so much. Without the reciprocity ring or without Givitas, if these people are left alone working in a cube somewhere, it doesn't happen. When you can bring them together in these communities, you can start to get that value and let it be shared amongst the participants.

[00:28:15] WB: Larry, that makes me think of another advantage that we've observed and there's a lot of science to back this up, is that even with people when they go into the tool and let's say they're not doing anything, maybe they're lurking a little bit, they're still learning and they're acquiring what is called ambient knowledge, is that you get to see who knows what, you get to see the network that's out there as well and that's all really useful knowledge to be accumulating. There are those secondary benefits by accumulating that ambient knowledge by just observing what's going on.

[00:28:51] LF: You not only learn from what other people are saying, you start to get more confident that you also can make that request. I mean, starts to change people's attitudes and behaviors. There's a huge stigma about asking for help and it sometimes is mind-boggling that people are afraid to ask for help, but everybody is. It's that exposure and they don't want to show they're weak. You think about most corporate worlds, people are afraid to ask for help because they're going to be looked at like they don't know what they're doing.

The way it should be looked upon is you're willing to ask for help, you're willing to raise your hand. That's a sign of strength. It's a sign of strength, because you're putting the project you’re working on, the customer you're supporting, the company you're working for in front of your own ego. Then you start to when that works and you're willing to ask and people help you, now you're the perfect employee. You are doing what's right for the organization, for your customer and everyone's able to help each other.

It has a huge bottom line impact on the business, on people's success, on people's careers. As a participant, you start to feel that the organization is there to help you not to find your mistakes and punish you and get rid of you, but to help you be successful. It just builds and it's this cycle of generosity that people start to really reach their potential, in many cases even exceed their potential.

[00:30:08] MB: Really interesting insights. I'm curious from both perspectives, let's take and I know there's mixes and matches and people that have each of these characteristics, but let's say for people who aren't asking enough, how can they ask more and how – and we've already talked a little bit about how to make better asks, but how can they ask more? How can they overcome that fear, that shame, that uncertainty around asking for help? On the other end of the spectrum, people who are takers, what advice or feedback would you have for them about why they shouldn't be such a taker, or why they should give more?

[00:30:40] WB: Let me address the first part of that, which is how can you encourage or enable people to ask more. There's a process for doing this. There's four steps to it. The first is that you need to sit down and think about your goals. What are you trying to achieve? What are you trying to accomplish? Oftentimes, people will make a request and they haven't thought it through and they end up getting a resource they really don't need. Begins with the objective. What's the goal?

Then the second part is to say, “Okay. If I've got that goal in mind, what resource do I need?” There, we encourage people to think very broadly. It could be information, ideas, expert advice, referral, a connection, a report, financial resources, whatever is that you would need, but think about what are the resources I need to accomplish that goal, then the third part is to make a smart request and we already talked about what a smart request means.

Then the fourth step is to then, “Okay. Who am I going to ask? Am I asking a particular person? Am I going to ask in a group? Am I going to use Givitas to post to a large network of people?” You need some thought, you need some preparation to figure that out. Yeah, I could also say that there are three methods that I write about these in my book, which is there's the quick-start method, the goal articulation method and visioning.

The quick-start method as the name implies is a very quick way of figuring out what are you trying to accomplish and what's a resource you might need? It's a series of incomplete sentences and you need to fill in the blanks and I'll just tell you two of them now. Think about how you would fill in these blanks. I am currently working on and I could use. If you could fill in those two blanks, you get a sense of what you're trying to accomplish and a resource that you need. Or if you say, one of my biggest challenges now is, and I would benefit from. Sitting down and thinking about that will help you think about that goal and the resources that you need.

I've used this quick-start method with executives. Quite frequently, give them about 10 minutes and they fill out these incomplete sentences and they get a really good sense of what is it that they need. The goal articulation method takes longer, but essentially it means in each of domains of your life, could be personal life, fitness, your spiritual life, it could be work, career, profession, whatever it is. What are your goals? What are you trying to accomplish? What resources that you need?

Then visioning is very powerful. It takes the longest. It's creating a narrative, a written description in vivid inspiring detail of that life you want to have, say three, five years from now. If you could write that out in that vivid detail, say, “Well, that's what I want. That's who I want to be, even that's where I want to live,” well there's a lot of goals in there and you need a lot of resources. What we've learned is that if you've written it down, if you've shared that written vision with other people, people will start helping you right away. As if the vision is a request itself.

[00:33:36] LF: I'll give you another real-life example. We were working with a large technology organization. There was a bit of a culture issue at this company. I'm not going to name the name of it. One of the great ways to get any community, or any organization to get over that stigma of asking for help is to have the leaders ask for help. On a company, it's the leaders of the company, or the division, or we have a community where it's maybe followers of a thought leader. If you can get that fouled leader to make that request, everyone is inspired to also make a request.

It can be a formal leader, or an informal leader. You're talking about big companies with big political structures. It gets hard for those people sometimes to ask for help. Sometimes they’re the worst about it. We actually created a polling feature, so that they could look to get input to make it a little easier for them to take that step in and ask for help. Instead of asking for how to solve a certain problem, they may ask for their sales team for input on which of the following three things are your biggest challenge to hitting your quota this quarter? It starts the process rolling. Leading by example is a great way to help reduce that stigma.

Then the other I think really important aspect of it is to celebrate the people that are asking for help, recognize them and celebrate it. Our first instinct is to celebrate the people that offered the help, which that's important as well, but we want to celebrate the people that have made the ask, because that is the harder part. Other people see that celebration, they want to be part of it too. They see that it's a positive experience that you didn't know what you were doing and you were willing to raise your hand and ask for help as opposed to a negative experience.

[00:35:13] WB: Those are such important points. It's very important for the leader to recognize and acknowledge not only those who help, but those who are willing to request and to ask. A leader should do both. Another point just to reinforce something that you said is that the leader should be the role model of the behavior that they want and other people. If the leader is not willing to make a request for what they need, it's harder for everyone else to do it. The leader needs to make a request as well, to be what I sometimes call the chief help seeker. That's another role for the leader is to be the person who will use the poll function, ask a question that way, or come right out and make a request. By doing that, they're modeling the behavior that they want in other people.

[00:35:56] LF: Showing a little vulnerability, that none of us know everything. Let's look for the group to help us where we can and make everybody stronger and better.

[00:36:06] MB: Great insight. I love the idea around leaders leading with their own behavior and being willing to ask for help. Such an important insight. I want to come back to the other side of the coin too. If you're a taker, why should you change your behavior?

[00:36:22] WB: It's an interesting question. I think the evidence should convince the taker that they could be much more successful if they also give. If they realize that by giving and being generous and even if they're doing it for impression management or reputation building, they're still giving, they realize if they do that that they will be more successful. People will be more likely to help them. I think it's partly education. It's also practices. Giving them tools or routines in which they could do both. They can give and they can ask. Yeah, I think the evidence should convince people that if you want to maximize your effectiveness, your creativity and your performance, you want to do both.

[00:37:05] LF: I have a saying that I didn't make up. I think Edward Deming was the first person that said it. You can't manage what you don't measure. It's so important to have metrics around that, because now you can demonstrate to these people. You know who's asking for help, you know who's giving help. Now you can start to really give them the evidence there that this is what's going on. When they see that other people are doing it, takers often want to be a superstar. They don't want to share because they feel like it's them against their peer, instead of them against the competition.

Jack Welch was a great leader. His theory was and it was right for that time that you take the bottom 10% of your organization, you get them out and you get them to somewhere else in the company where they can be successful, or you get them out. It sent a message to people that it wasn't about doing your best, it was about doing better than your peers. That reinforces this idea of being a taker and not being a giver.

You roll the clock forward and when Adam came out with give and take and the reciprocity ring, what changes the dialogue and now it's about you can be a giver and be successful. That's so powerful. It's really been a transformation through my career in the 80s and 90s. It was looking at guys like Jack Welch who was incredibly successful, but modeling that. I remember one of my first mentors gave me the book The Art of War and kill or be killed. That's not the way it has to be.

We can help each other and still be successful. The metrics and the measurements also help you really identify who those takers are. By those being visible, you can encourage them that there is a better way and get them to participate.

[00:38:41] MB: That's a great distinction between doing your best, versus doing better than your peers, because you can often confuse yourself and think that maybe those are the same thing, but the reality is that there's a really big distinction between those two.

[00:38:55] LF: Yeah. It's the team that wins. We see great examples of that in the sports world. It really applies to the community, to the business. I mean, if we think about what people are going through today with COVID-19 and the challenges that it's facing, and it's helping each other that gets us through it and makes us all successful. It's actually really interesting. We've seen a huge increase in the number of requests as a result of what's going on in our platform.

I was looking at this data earlier today, 25% of the requests made in our platform since beginning of March have had the word COVID, corona, or pandemic in it. Even when we have these horrible situations that we're in, we can get help from our peers, our neighbors, our colleagues, our community and we can also help them and that really becomes a powerful tool.

[00:39:45] MB: How do you avoid giving burnout?

[00:39:49] LF: Making it easy to be a giver. There's a lot of different strategies that I've heard and I think some of them are really effective. It depends a little bit on your personality, I think how well you can do it. Some people say, spend a certain amount of time every day and focus on that. Others will say, spend just one day a week, part of one day a week, compartmentalize it and get all your given out in that one period, so you feel better because you see the magnitude of it.

I've always personally struggled with that. The flood of e-mail you're just dealing with it as it comes in. It's so easy to take a request that comes in to Wayne's point earlier, if it's not specific, if there's no deadlines, it sits in my inbox and I forget about it. I wake up one night at 2:00 in the morning realizing I never answered that person.

If we can create an environment where it's easier to be a giver and I think that has a number of components in it. One is when it's directed to a network, anybody can help out. You don't always have to be that one person. The fact that you can see what other people have done, you're not recreating the wheel.

The worst feeling in the world I think as a giver is when you spend your time, you offer that helping you're really thoughtful about it and you may be making an introduction and the response is, “Oh, I've already solved that problem.” Understanding the status of a request. It's just, it still need help. When we do all those things, we can start to make it a lot more efficient. That's one of the ways to really help with that burnout.

People have to also balance it. The idea that when we can use the network, harness that collective intelligence of the network, it takes the burden off of any one person and then network is able to contribute and help. By helping, you also become a better person, because not only do you feel good, but you sometimes will learn that material, or learn that information and even get a little bit better at it, because you had to articulated to somebody else.

If you always go to the expert, you get the same answer all the time and the experts burnt out. If the expert can help one person and they can help somebody else, you start to get more innovation that it can happen as well.

[00:41:47] MB: For people who want to start asking for help more frequently, or giving help, what is one action item, or concrete piece of homework that you would give them to start implementing this in their lives?

[00:42:04] WB: Yeah. I would say to pause, perhaps at the beginning of the day when you get up, get a cup of coffee, start your computer is to pause for a few minutes and think about, “What am I trying to accomplish today? What are my objectives? What are my goals for today?” Actually write them down. Then from that, I think quite naturally it flows, “Okay. Well, what do I need and then what do I need to ask for in order to accomplish that goal? Or at least make some progress on that.”

I've known people that have established that as a daily habit, usually in the morning. They say it's been really, really helpful to do that. It only takes a couple of minutes, but it clears your mind, focuses you on what you're trying to accomplish, what you need and that makes a lot easier to ask.

[00:42:52] LF: Practice can help as well. I think when you’re giving and helping others, we've seen from a lot of people in our communities, we'll ask them, “Hey, you've offered help to six people. How come you haven't request?” “Well, I don't do that.” I think when you think about the help you're giving and you can actually try to take that and say, “Now, I'm going to give someone else the opportunity to be a giver, because I'm going to make an ask.” It's another way to give value and benefit to somebody else is let them be a giver.

I think if you turn it around that way for certain people, the people that just naturally don't want to ask for anybody, they don't want to burden anybody, it's not a burden when you ask for help. It's actually enabling them to be a giver and that's a different perspective on how to look at it.

[00:43:33] WB: If you're not asking, you're not enabling other people to be givers, to be generous. That it's a duty or a responsibility to request. It's not a burden. Most people are delighted to help. Sometimes it's very easy for a person to help, even though the benefit might be very big to you as the requester. You really should think about it as a required essential part of the whole process itself is asking, as well as giving.

[00:44:01] LF: If you're a leader, let's say you're running a group, 10 people, or a 100 people, or a 1,000 people and you want to create this collaborative, generous community that's helping each other, most leaders think I'm there to solve everybody's problem. Sometimes even if you know the answer, if you can ask the crowd to help you and they start to solve that problem, they're energized. They feel good about it. They want to give to their colleague. That's how you create that teamwork. It's another way of leading by example.

[00:44:28] MB: Wayne, you brought up another really good point a second ago, which is in many ways, making a good ask really starts with self-awareness and beginning with what do you need help with? What are you working on right now and what are your goals and priorities? Because if you don't even have clarity about that, then you can't formulate well-articulated SMART ask, then you may not get the help that you ultimately want.

[00:44:53] WB: Absolutely. If you think about – if you did that at the beginning of every morning, “Okay, what am I trying to accomplish today?” What you're doing is creating a vision of success for yourself. That's what you're trying to accomplish today, here's the resources you need and you're going to request them, either directly from someone, perhaps through LinkedIn, e-mail, through Givitas, through another platform is that you're creating that vision. That's what a successful day is going to look like.

If you think about the opposite, sometimes and I have to say sometimes I fall into this myself, I turn on my e-mail, I see all the stream of e-mails. I start answering those e-mails and a couple hours goes by and I realized, that was important, but I really didn't set aside time to focus on what I'm supposed to be accomplishing today. It's really important to do that. It enables you to perform at a much higher level, if you do that on a regular basis, if you make it a habit.

[00:45:43] MB: Yeah, I love that. Even just checking in for a few minutes at the beginning of the day. What are your goals and is what you're doing aligned with those goals? If you just did that, you're going to see a massive impact over time on how you spend your time and ultimately, the results that you create.

[00:45:59] WB: Absolutely. You can think about it in your personal life too. It's not just in your work life, but what are you trying to accomplish with your family, with your relationships, with your community, with different groups you might be a part of? If you think about it, it doesn't take very long to do it, but if you can develop that habit, it can be extremely powerful.

[00:46:18] MB: For listeners who want to learn more about Givitas, who want to get involved, who want to make some asks and get help, where can they find more information and get into this online?

[00:46:30] LF: We've created a handful of communities that are free for anybody to participate. Wayne mentioned a few of them before. There's a group of HR leaders. There's a group of association leaders. There's a group for non-profit leaders. We've also created a group for listeners of your podcasts, so the Science of Success. If you go to givitas.com/free and Givitas is G-I-V-I-T-A-S, you'll see a list of those and one of them is the Science of Success Podcast Community and people can join. They can help each other and ask questions of those audiences and start to put all of these ideas into practice and learn how to do them in that community and then they can take into the other parts of their life.

[00:47:11] WB: I can attest as a participant in several of those communities, they are extremely effective. I've found them so effective for the work that I've been trying to do when I've been writing my latest book. It is so easy to help. Every morning, I'll look through and say, “Okay, here's the dozen requests that have come in.” I said, “I can help on that one.” I click, I do it. It doesn't take much time at all. I realized that day, I actually was able to help someone and oh, by the way, I got some help too.

Another resource I can give is the website for my new book and there's a lot of free resources. I mentioned an assessment. That is a free assessment you can take through the website. The nice thing besides being free is that it will give you a comparison of your results to the population of people taking the assessment and the URL for that is the title of the book, allyouhavetodoisask.com. If you go to there, you can find that and many other free resources. Those really support and augment all we're trying to do with Givitas and the company that Larry is leading.

[00:48:16] MB: Well, Larry, Wayne, thank you so much for coming on the show, for sharing your research and the work that you've done. It's so great to see you putting this whole framework into practice and really helping people ask and helping people get help.

[00:48:30] WB: Thank you, Matt. It's been a pleasure to be on with you again.

[00:48:33] LF: Great speaking with you, Matt. Thanks a lot.

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July 09, 2020 /Lace Gilger
Focus & Productivity
Saud_Juman-02.png

(B) How To Go From Mom’s Basement to 9 Figures with Saud Juman

June 30, 2020 by Lace Gilger in Focus & Productivity

In this episode, we share the story of how our guest went from teetering on the edge of virtual bankruptcy to transforming his company into a high growth startup with a massive exit seemingly overnight with our guest Saud Juman.

Saud Juman is the founder of PolicyMedical Inc., a healthcare software company. Over the following years, Saud grew the company to serve more than 3,000 hospitals and healthcare systems worldwide, growing it to serve millions of patients, clinicians, and community members daily. He is also sharing his business expertise by coaching others with his “Energy For Entrepreneurs” program, to help business leaders fully re-align with their energy to heal and grow their business.

  • Saud did not start his company to make money, he stared it to create a positive impact in the world. 

  • His company, PolicyMedical managed all the non-clinical data in hospitals

  • 17+ year journey

  • Starting out in his mom’s basement it took 9 months to land his first customers. 

  • What enabled them to sell into such big institutions?

    • Good market timing

    • The chutzpah to do it

  • It’s not just about the time - it’s about the journey

  • In the first 11-12 years, the company was a lifestyle company... small clients.. a small handful of employees... Making a bit of money, but not really going anywhere. 

  • Then it became a high growth, high impact company, and blew up over 6-7 years. 

  • From teetering on virtual bankruptcy to becoming a high growth startup with an almost 9 figure exit 

  • What enabled Saud’s business to shift from being a sleepy lifestyle company to being a high growth startup?

    • Focused more on innovation

    • Reconnected to the “why” of the business 

    • “Relaunching the business from scratch"

  • The 4 phases of moving into “Growth Mode"

    • Phase one: Product relaunch/restart. 

      • Mentors. Growth was brought to light by Saud’s mentors. Saud started looking for mentors to push himself. 

      • His mentors told him his product sucked.

      • 18 months - 2 years to rebuild the product.

      • Migrate clients to the new billing model

    • Phase two: Embarking on a “Client Success Journey."

      • Go out and try to sell the business to the market. 

      • Turn clients into FANS. 

      • Put in the processes and people to deliver a consistent experience and turn them into fans.

      • Study the connection point between marketing, sales, and customer success and bundle them up under “Revenue Generation.”

      • Client success needs to be able to upsell

      • Sales needs to be compassionate enough to plug into customers. 

      • Marketing needs to create high-value educational content to serve clients and prospects. 

      • Zendesk, customer portal, creating customer competitions to speak on stage, to host webinars, write white papers. 

      • The “Daily 5” - everyone in Revenue Team gets 5 random clients to call.

        • Call random clients, have a few key talking points. 

          • New Features

          • We are going to a conference

          • Just calling to check-in. 

        • Help move customer to trust the BRAND 

      • Took 18-24 months to implement 

    • Phase three: “Becoming the Wikipedia of our space"

      • The way to sell has fundamentally changed.

      • Sales happens throughs inbound content marketing and producing premium, high value, educational content

      • Building out the entire content process - took another 12-18 months

      • Required hired the right content and marketing team 

      • Creating content - leveraging the employees to generate the content and their knowledge. 

    • Phase four: Integration

      • Integration of sales/marketing/client success teams FULLY 

      • Saud had to learn to function as a CEO, not as an entrepreneur. He was not able to create the most value for the company being an entrepreneur, he needed to be a CEO. 

  • An entrepreneur is not a CEO - Saud had to learn to become a CEO. 

    • Walking across the bridge from entrepreneur to CEO.

    • Running the company with less emotion, more data

    • Trusting and recruiting in an executive team to collaborate with

    • Running the company with the right structure 

  • Funding a company completely off organic growth and bootstrapping. 

    • Instead of focusing on raising capital, he would focus on selling more and building sales. 

  • Building up inbound and content marketing dramatically reduced the sales cycle and increased the win ratio from 20% to 70%. 

  • How do you ensure that your content strategy actually creates value for your clients?

    • Client advisory group.

    • Run ideas by customers.

      • product

      • marketing

      • customers

    • Use your clients with you to create content. Make them a part of the content. 

    • Their content was so high quality that it actually got certified as continuing education. 

    • In his speeches he wouldn’t speak about his software, he would speak as a thought leader in the healthcare industry

  • What are the key things that most entrepreneurs and executives miss?

    • Entrepreneurs fundamentally misunderstand themselves. “I’m not a 9-5er”

    • Entrepreneurs are artists and creative people - the problem is that the canvas that they’re painting on is a business, for that painting to work you need people that are not like you to make the thing happen. 

    • To be a successful entrepreneur you have to journey inside yourself. 

    • Listen to what your inner voice is telling you, and don’t be attached to what comes out. 

  • You need a continual practice of stepping back, self-discovery, and contemplative routines on a daily and weekly basis.

  • The “day cycle” - it doesn’t need to be every day, it needs to be every few days, and it needs to flow organically and naturally. 

  • Specific activities and contemplative routines

    • Gratitude journaling (but didn’t resonate as much with Saud)

    • Freeflow journaling to clear your mind and write whatever comes out, writing a page at a time

    • Meditation - helps you get rid of the voices from the past that are shaping your thinking. 

    • Exercise - super important to Saud 

    • The most powerful form is to slip into a flow state shooting hoops - find a way to plug into flow states and lose track of time, clear your head. 

    • Ask yourself: What did you do when you were 12 that brought you joy and allowed you to lose track of time?

  • The other side that every person has that most people don’t want to admit - the secret side that you don’t want to admit to - your shadow, your darker side. Acknowledging your shadow helps transmute that energy into healthy and productive energy and activity. 

  • Use your natural shadow or dark side, own it, acknowledge it, and don’t let it 

  • Homework: Do something for 1-5 mins a day that has nothing to do with anyone else that allows you to turn inward and hear your own inner voice? 

  • Your inner voice has all the directions, strategy, and strategic plans that you need. 

  • Instead of doing a retreat, find a way to reconnect with your own inner voice. 

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Want To Dig In More?! - Here’s The Show Notes, Links, & Research

General

  • Saud’s Website

  • Saud’s LinkedIn and Twitter

  • PolicyMedical Website

  • PolicyMedical Twitter

Media

  • Medium - “Meditation & Business: Top 5 Practical Tactics for Entrepreneurs” by Saud Juman

  • StartUP Here - “TechTO: From Basement to Bootstrap to Exit | Saud Juman, Healthcare Technology Entrepreneur & Investor” by Alex Norman

  • Crunchbase Profile - Saud Juman

  • The Silicon Review - “Delivering Policy Management Software for Healthcare Providers: PolicyMedical”

  • [Press Release] Markets Business Insider - North York General Hospital Selects PolicyMedical PolicyManager

  • Becker’s Hospital Review - “Getting more work done in 5 hours than others do in 12: Why some CEOs question traditional 'time management'”

  • [Podcast] The Entrepreneur Way - 313: Be You, and Just Know That You Are Enough with Saud Juman Founder and Owner of Policymedical

  • [Podcast] Trends in Medtech - Healthcare Software for the Evolving Policy Niche: Learnings from Saud Juman, Father, Founder and Former CEO of Policy Medical

  • [Podcast] Strength Through the Struggle - Ep. 72 Saud Juman: Finding Strength in Self Discovery

  • [Podcast] Voices in the Dark - The Accidental CEO: Saud Juman’s Journey From Darkness to Light

  • [Podcast] Millionaire Interviews - 160: Building a Software Business from a Canadian Basement – Saud Juman of PolicyMedical

Videos

  • Saud Juman’s YouTube Channel

  • PolicyMedicalInc YouTube Channel

  • TechToronto. Org - From Basement to Bootstrap to Exit | Saud Juman, Healthcare Technology Entrepreneur & Investor

  • Fuckup Nights Toronto - Fuckup Nights Toronto | Saud Juman | August 2018

  • TiEInstituteTO - TiEQuest2012 Mentoring Workshop - Saud Juman

  • MedTech Trends - Healthcare Software for the Evolving Policy Niche, with Saud Juman, Former CEO of Policy Medical

Episode Transcript

[00:00:04.4] ANNOUNCER: Welcome to The Science of Success. Introducing your host, Matt Bodnar.

[0:00:12.1] MB: Hey, it’s Matt. I’m here in the studio with Austin. We’re excited to bring you another business episode of the Science of Success. We just launched Season 2 of our business episodes. If you want to learn more about what these are and why we're doing them, be sure to check out the Season 2 teaser that we recently released. With that, Austin, tell us a little bit about how these episodes are different than our traditional Science of Success episode.

[0:00:36.0] AF: Yeah. It's important to note that you're still going to get all the great contents you've come to know and love from the Science of Success every Thursday. These are bonus episodes with added value, specifically centered around business. We've interviewed some true titans of business and multiple industries from multiple walks of life and what we're going to focus on are the habits, routines and mindsets that made them successful titans that they are today.

That said, these are lessons, routines, stories, best practices that anyone can learn from and apply to their life. You don't have to be a business owner. You can be an employee. You can be a student, or you can of course be a business owner. Come check them out. You're going to come away with a ton of valuable takeaways, but we do have a bit of a business focus on these specific business episodes in Season 2.

[0:01:19.3] MB: With that, let's get into the episode.

[0:01:22.9] MB: Welcome to the Science of Success; the number one evidence-based growth podcast on the Internet with more than five million downloads and listeners in over a hundred countries.

In this episode, we share the story of how our guest went from teetering on the edge of virtual bankruptcy, to transforming his company into a high-growth startup with a massive exit seemingly overnight, with our guest Saud Juman.

Are you a fan of the show and have you been enjoying the content that we put together for you? If you have, I would love it if you signed up for our e-mail list. We have some amazing content on there, along with a really great free course that we put a ton of time into called How To Create Time for What Matters Most In Your Life. If that sounds exciting and interesting and you want a bunch of other free goodies and giveaways along with that, just go to successpodcast.com. You can sign up on the homepage. That’s successpodcast.com. Or if you’re on your phone right now, all you have to do is text the word smarter, that’s S-M-A-R-T-E-R to the number 44-222.

In our previous episode, we interviewed Carey Lohrenz, the first female F-14 Tomcat fighter pilot. It was an incredible conversation with some great stories and some fantastic lessons.

Now for our interview with Saud.

[0:02:48.2] Saud Juman is the founder of PolicyMedical Inc., a healthcare software company. Over the last few years, Saud grew his company to serve more than 3,000 hospitals and healthcare systems worldwide, growing it to serve millions of patients, clinicians and community members daily. He also shares his business expertise by coaching others with his energy for entrepreneurs program. Saud, welcome to the Science of Success.

[0:03:13.5] SJ: Thank you. Thank you for having me.

[0:03:15.5] MB: Well, we're really excited to have you on the show today. You have such a fascinating journey and there's some amazing lessons that can come out for executives and entrepreneurs that are going to be really valuable.

I’d love to start out with just the beginning of your journey, or actually even before we dig into that, give me a very high-level sense of the business that you built and the trajectory that it took and then I want to dig into some of the pieces from the journey and some of the lessons from that.

[0:03:44.6] SJ: Sure. The business that I built was in the healthcare sector. That's fundamental, because when I started the company, I did not start it to be an entrepreneur. I started it because I wanted to have a really positive impact in the world and I selected healthcare. That manifested itself into a healthcare SaaS B2B company.

The company, what it actually did, the flagship products, it managed all of the non-clinical data within the hospital setting. Our primary clients were hospitals and chains of hospitals and health systems across the United States. That journey for me, it was 17 and a half years.

[0:04:24.9] MB: That's amazing. You started the company and I know you've since exited it. You built it up over 17 and a half years. Give me a sense at the time of exit, how many employees did the company have? How many customers were you serving, that thing?

[0:04:39.1] SJ: Yeah. What was cool about that company is the employee count. We kept it pretty low for a company our size. We were at approximately 37 full-time employees. We had a series of contractors all over the place, but we were mainly a product company. What allowed us to keep the headcount pretty low as we scaled were some technological decisions we made when it came to customer service and client success. When I sold the company, or when we sold a company, we had approximately 3,000 hospitals across the United States that were using our applications.

[0:05:16.1] MB: That's incredible that you were able to scale such a large organization with essentially, 40 employees.

[0:05:23.8] SJ: Yeah. Yeah. I mean, my mindset has always been pretty traditional and old-school when it comes to business. I never understood why needless headcount in some cases, not all cases. In some cases, was a badge of honor among CEOs and entrepreneurs. I always thought the least amount of people you have, the better.

[0:05:41.1] MB: Yeah, that's a great perspective and I’m sure that in many ways informed why the company was so successful. I’d love to zoom all the way back now to the beginnings of the company. You started it in a basement, essentially. Is that correct?

[0:05:57.2] SJ: Yup. My mom's basement in a suburb of Toronto. Not the fanciest part of Toronto. It's known as a Scarborough. It's one of the I guess, the underprivileged areas of Toronto, but that's where it started and that was before, if anybody's familiar with the Toronto tech scene, which we have a pretty burgeoning and vibrant tech scene now. This was before any of that even materialized.

[0:06:21.6] MB: I want to hit on one or two of the really big moments in the growth of the company. You started out in your mom's basement. Then how long did it take you to acquire your first customer?

[0:06:34.4] SJ: We acquired our first customer within the first nine months. When we started the company, and I say we, it was my co-founder who I subsequently bought out years later. My co-founder, Josh and I, when we started the company, we left another company, because we came up with the idea there, went to my mom's basement. He was in charge of coding, programming, the engineering work, I was in charge of trying to find customers and selling.

As soon as we got something that was demo-ready, we could demo it. We just couldn't ship it yet. I started to demo and sell it. Within the first nine months, we picked up our first two clients. Our first client was in upstate New York. The reason upstate New York is because we needed to find clients that we could physically drive to. Because back then, there was no cloud, there was no Amazon Web Services, any of that. You sold software, you had to physically go, in our case, to the hospital. Go to their air-conditioned server room with a bunch of CDs, install the application, train them and then drive home.

We didn't have enough money to even fly anywhere and get reimbursed and fly back. That worked really well for our first customer. Our second customer, it didn't work so well, because they were in Nashville, Tennessee. We drove from Toronto to Nashville, slept in the minivan, installed it and then drove right back to Toronto.

[0:08:02.6] MB: That's amazing. Nashville getting a little bit of love.

[0:08:05.1] SJ: Yup.

[0:08:05.9] MB: Obviously, Nashville is a big healthcare city, so that makes total sense. I’m curious, what enabled you to really land – I mean, I know hospitals are huge institutions that are quite difficult to sell into with a two-person team, some scrappy founders in a basement, what enabled you to build the credibility, or the rapport to actually close a sale and get customers onboard in the early days?

[0:08:31.1] SJ: It was a bit of naivety. We didn't know that we weren't on paper, supposed to be selling to large US hospitals from my mother's basement in Canada. We just figured that why not? If somebody's going to do it, why not us? Our original plan was actually selling to Canadian hospitals in Toronto, but that didn't work. We figured that out within the first month of trying to sell to Canadian hospitals that it just wasn't going to work, because healthcare is so different here.

It was a bit of ignorance just going for it. Also, I think timing had a lot to do with it. Because at the time we started the company, a lot of key underpinnings within the US healthcare system around regulatory, compliance and accreditation in healthcare in the United States was being solidified, if you will. Hospitals were actively looking for our type of niche product around that time. I also think it was good timing at that.

[0:09:32.5] MB: Interesting. Yeah, that makes total sense. There are so many success stories, where it's just – not knowing that you can't do it is such a key ingredient, some instances of actually doing it.

[0:09:44.4] SJ: Yeah. I mean, if you look at – If you study history and you see and I’m by no means anybody that invented the lightbulb or anything like that. If you look at these amazing inventions throughout history, you'll always see the main inventor that gets all the credit. If you keep on studying and digging, you'll see this second or third person somewhere else randomly in the world that was also coming up with a similar invention at the same time.

I believe that that's also something that exists. If I look back within our little sector, when I started this company in Toronto and to the other competitors that I ended up having later on, I recently realized that they started around the same time as well, because we've all exited our companies. I’ve actually reached out to the rest of them now that we've all moved on and I’ve just had conversations with them to say, “Hey, so when did you start? Why did you start? How did you start that?”

We didn't know each other. I didn't know one guy that was in Idaho. I didn't know the other guy that was in Indiana, but we all started within a year or so of each other, because I think the market was changing, the climate was changing and we were bubbling up with similar ideas independently.

[0:11:02.1] MB: So fascinating. Yeah, the stat about inventors is really interesting and I’ve heard that anecdote before. I’m curious, coming back to looking at the journey, I love that as you said, it was a 17-year journey, because you hear these stories, you hear about people exiting businesses for huge multiples and you think that it's always a quick journey. It's always overnight success and the unicorn in 18 months type of thing. I love the fact that it took a long time to really get traction, to hit scale and to get to the end result that you ultimately achieved.

[0:11:40.5] SJ: Yeah, it's not just the length. It's not just a long time. It's also what the journey develops inside of you as well. Because if you look at our journey at PolicyMedical, there were two chapters, if you will, and they're not equally divided in time. For the first 11, 12 years, the company was really a lifestyle company. It was a small number of clients. It was just a small handful of people. Somewhere in that time, my co-founder had left. I had the company all to myself and it was a lifestyle company in the sense that it was making some money enough for the few employees and myself, but it wasn't really going anywhere.

Then there's the second chapter, where it became this high-growth, high-impact company, where we were able to get the impact that we wanted within healthcare and subsequently, get the value we wanted out of it.

[0:12:38.7] MB: That's so interesting. I really want to dig into that in a number of ways. Let's start with your own mindset, your own internal orientation to the business. What changed after that 11 or 12-year mark that led you to wanting to put the business into growth mode, if that makes sense?

[0:12:55.6] SJ: Yeah. No, that totally makes sense. I had to do a bit of soul-searching. After my business partner had moved on and I had bought him out, it was just myself. After about a year or two, it just wasn't fun anymore. That was one thing. I started to dig and ask myself why it isn't fun anymore. I saw that we did not innovate the product at all for several years, so that was one reason. The other thing is I got disconnected to the why behind the business. I had a very clear why when I started the business, which was to impact people's health and make a positive impact.

After the 11 years or so, it became transactional, trying to find new hospitals, doing demos, but I disconnected from the why. I had to ask myself at that point, do I still want to do this? Because right around that point, I mean, it was not a healthy company. The company was teetering on virtual bankruptcy, if you will, at that particular point. When I went back inside myself and realized that, “Yeah, you know what? I still really want to do this business. It's still a calling. I still want to have this impact in the world and try to make it through this business.” That was the internal reconnection point of saying, “Okay. Let me relaunch, let me restart the business from scratch.”

[0:14:18.9] MB: What did that relaunching look like?

[0:14:22.1] SJ: It was a six-year process. In retrospect, it was about four different phases. The first phase was brought to me, brought to light by my mentors. Right around that first phase, that's when I actively started looking for mentorship and mentors. I have a very specific mentorship formula that I followed that actually worked for me. I can't believe that so many entrepreneurs don't have mentors and I can't believe that I did not have mentor, or mentors until that 11-year mark.

My mentors actually called me out in it and pretty much said, “Your product sucks. Your product is crap. That's all you do? This is all the product does?” Because it had become antiquated and they really started challenging me on that. The first phase was an entire product relaunch, or restart. I thought I was just refactoring the code and patching up the product and releasing a new version, but it wasn't that at all. It was rebuilding the whole thing from scratch.

Not only that, but we also once the product was done, which took about eight 18 months to almost two years to rebuild, we actually had to migrate all of our clients to the new product, but there's a business component to migration as well that usually puts a lot of businesses out of business, which is you have to migrate the contracts as well.

We were essentially going to our clients, our existing clients to say, “Hey, you know what? We've got this cool new version, this cool new product. You're going to benefit from it.” They were excited, but we also said, “Oh, by the way. We're going to need to charge you more money per year than we were charging you.” Because one of the things that had hurt the company along the way was we were on a very old software pricing model, which was outdated, which essentially led to a very small amount of recurring revenue. We were migrating people to this higher revenue tier, if you will. I can go into the other things. Unless, you have some other questions about that phase.

[0:16:19.7] MB: No, that was great. I mean, this to me is such an interesting topic, the inflection point between average company, lifestyle business and high-growth, high-impact startup. I really want to break down the whole journey. Phase one, learn from your mentors, reinvent the product, that's 18-month to two years. What happens in phase two?

[0:16:41.7] SJ: Phase two, we're now not only migrating existing clients, we’re going out to try to sell the new product essentially to the market. The new clients are asking us for references, because healthcare is very collegial. They essentially only buy when they know that their colleagues are actually buying as well.

We had no references at all. We only have three references out of all the clients. At that point, we had several hundred clients. The next phase was really embarking on a client success journey, which was turning our clients into fans. That took another 18 months or so. That was not just a thing that we said. Michael was actually to put in the processes, put in the systems, hire the people, so we can deliver a consistent experience to our clients that made them fans.

[0:17:45.7] MB: Tell me a little bit more about that.

[0:17:47.6] SJ: That one was really, really tough. I mean, because we didn't have all of the staff we needed. I essentially had to study how our customer service team was functioning at that particular point to see where the gaps were. I also realized that I had to study the connection points with marketing and sales, because marketing and sales and customer service, they were so divided in all these different silos.

Then I came up with this framework that I wanted all three of those teams, sales, marketing and customer service which has now become client success in most companies, I wanted them to become a revenue generation team, where they each had their own functions, but they had our deep respect and understanding of what each of the other teams did, so they can work together.

For example, my client success people that are taking care of customers, they needed to be sales savvy enough to look for upsell opportunities. The sales people that were selling to new customers, they needed to be compassionate enough to stay plugged into the customers that they were selling to and not abandon them after the sale. Then the marketing people, they needed to essentially create really high value educational content that would be able to serve both the clients and the new prospects.

It was this trifecta of all of these teams working cohesively together. That involved putting in systems, like a Zendesk, building out a customer portal, creating cool competitions where customers started to compete and towards the ending of the company, the last few years, we had customers competing to see who would come on stage with us to speak at conferences, who would host webinars for us, who would win a contest so they would have the privilege to write a white paper for us?

A lot of this came about, because I studied client success and I studied how to build it out. We even put in our own little processes that had nothing to do with technology as well. We had something called the daily 5, where everyone in sales marketing client and client success, every day that we’d get this these randomized 5 clients and their phone numbers to call. They would be given two to three talking points when they made those calls. Essentially, a call with would go according to something like this, they would call and even if they got a voice-mail they'd say, “Hey, this is Saud calling from PolicyMedical in this case. I wanted to reach out to let you know about this new feature, to let you know that we're going to be at this conference next month, if you're going to be there. I’m just calling to check in to see how things are going.” Essentially, the reason we did the daily 5 was to move the customers from trusting just me and a few other people, to trusting the brand overall.

[0:20:36.7] MB: Saud, this stuff is genius. You just put on just in the three or four strategies, or suggestions you just shared, you just put on a masterclass in how to build value, especially as a software company, but really anybody who wants to improve customer success. I mean, the daily 5 is incredible. The idea of having customers compete for speaking opportunities and white papers and so forth, really, really fascinating.

[0:21:01.2] SJ: Oh, thank you. Thank you.

[0:21:06.3] AF: What's up, everybody? This is Austin Fable, producer and co-host of the Science of Success. This episode of the Science of Success is brought to you by the mobile app Best Fiends. That's best friends, but without the R. Best Fiends is honestly one of the best mobile games I've ever played. If you're looking for a truly fun and engaging way to pass the time while enjoying a great story, some awesome visuals, Best Fiends is absolutely for you.

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[0:22:48.2] MB: Before we jump in, how long was the client success remapping process? How long did that take to really get that implemented in the culture and the process of the company?

[0:22:57.2] SJ: About 18 months. I mean, there were things that took a long time. We realized that our high-end platinum customers and in that whole process, we also grouped customers. We never had them grouped before. We had platinum, gold and silver. For each tier, we would have different criteria that would drop somebody into that tier. It wasn't just revenue.

For each tier, we would also have the ways that we would be communicating with them on a weekly, a monthly, or an annual basis. For example, the lower tier, the silver customers, they probably did not want to see our faces every quarter. They probably just wanted a touch-base webinar or phone call. The platinum customers, they probably wanted to see our faces physically twice a year. We came up with all of all of those things.

[0:23:46.7] MB: Very interesting. All right, so let's dig into phase three.

[0:23:51.1] SJ: Phase three was we called it becoming the Wikipedia of our space. That was really me acknowledging that sales, the way to sell and get new revenue for a company had fundamentally changed from when I initially started the company. When I initially started the company. I was a software sales guy originally. I was churning out a 100, a 150 phone calls a day via cold calling and that's how we built a bunch of customers in the early years.

I was acknowledging in this third phase that we’re discussing now, that sales doesn't really happen like that anymore. That it happens through inbound content marketing. By essentially producing really premium, high-value educational content. My goal was to become the Wikipedia of our space, whereas our clients would be able to go to our website. Even my competitor’s clients should be able to go to our website to get amazing value and educational content.

It was building out the entire process and that was really, really difficult to do. That took us about another 18 months or so, maybe less, probably like 12 months to actually execute that and that required me hiring the right team, because we did not have a very large marketing team at that point and also creating sources. That was the process of essentially using the employees of the company to generate the content, or the ideas for the content and building a system around that.

Every month, the company would be churning out really high-value content that could be leveraged in the sales process, that could be leveraged in the client success process and even as elevating the brand as a thought leader within the space.

[0:25:38.9] MB: That's so interesting and makes total sense about positioning yourself as a thought leader and a content expert. I want to dig into now, tell me a little bit about the fourth phase of your growth.

[0:25:50.2] SJ: The fourth phase of our growth had two components to it. One was the integration of the sales marketing and client success teams fully. There was still a little bit of work to integrate those teams together. The second part of this final phase had to do with me. I realized that I was still functioning as an entrepreneur and I realized that I was not going to be able to extract the value out of the company, or generate the value for the company, if you will, if I was still operating as an entrepreneur.

I realized that the company was growing up. It went from a child to a teenager. Then by that point, it was a young adult. I realized that it needed a CEO. I had to very rapidly acknowledge that an entrepreneur is not a CEO and I needed to grow into a CEO really fast. I imagine in my mind, I always had this image of me standing on one side of a bridge as an entrepreneur and then the other side of the bridge is the CEO role and I needed to walk across that bridge pretty rapidly to become the CEO. That was a big part of that phase.

Some of the examples of me growing up and running the company as a CEO was really running the company with much less emotion, running the company with more data, trusting and recruiting in an executive team that we would really collaborate together with and running the company with the right corporate governance and structure that a corporation needed.

[0:27:34.4] MB: That's so interesting. I want to unpack the journey to CEO a little bit more, but before we dig into that, I want to come back to these phases of growth. While you were pursuing that journey, were you bootstrapping the company this entire time? Did you raise capital to help build out these teams and integrate these functions? What enabled you to really execute on each of those different phases?

[0:28:03.1] SJ: It was completely bootstrapped. We didn't raise any funds. It was very, very stressful. Because everything was funded off of organic growth. We could only do things once we had the money to do it.

[0:28:19.7] MB: What was your thought process for bootstrapping, as opposed to bringing in some capital to accelerate some of these transitions?

[0:28:26.8] SJ: Every time I thought about bringing in capital, I would think about the amount of capital I would actually need. In my mind, it didn't seem that much. I thought to myself, “Well, I could go through all the stress of trying to find the capital, or I could just try to sell more.” I think, perhaps that's something that probably didn't make me that popular with some of my employees, but I would put this intense pressure to sell and continue to grow and grow the company at 200% to 300% a year. That was the goal.

Because I was a sales person by nature, I think I just understood that a little bit better. I’m like, “You know what? Okay. Well, all we need is a half a million dollars to fund this amount of growth, to hire these employees. Okay, let's just sell more.”

[0:29:15.8] MB: Did the business have a pretty rapid sales cycle that enabled you to really quickly recapture some of the value from your sales efforts?

[0:29:23.4] SJ: Yeah, I would say so. For B2B sales, selling to healthcare and hospitals I mean, our typical sales cycle was three months. We understood the sales cycle really, really well. Yeah. Now that's the mean average sales cycle. I mean, sometimes it could be a few weeks if it was a really large complex deal with a huge chain of hospitals. I mean, maybe it could span into nine, 10 months. On average, it was it was three months.

[0:29:49.0] MB: That's actually much shorter than I would have anticipated.

[0:29:51.6] SJ: Yeah. Yeah. It is. It is. What shortened the sales cycle considerably was the inbound content marketing effort. When we eventually built up a large repository of educational content and we learned how to use it and leverage it in the sales cycle, that not only brought down the sales cycle quite a bit, but it increased our win ratio. Our win ratio went from 20% to 70%, when we realized that if we were strategically giving the prospect certain pieces of content throughout their exploratory journey, we would have a much, much higher chance of closing those deals above our competitors.

[0:30:31.9] MB: That's so fascinating. That's a massive jump in the win ratio.

[0:30:35.3] SJ: It is. It is.

[0:30:36.7] MB: How did you make sure that your content actually stood out, was actually differentiated and really created value?

[0:30:45.8] SJ: My answer to that is the same from day one, to when we sold the company, which was our clients. We would run everything by our customers, our key customers. For ideas like this, we had a senior customer advisory group, which was really every 60 days, we would have approximately 20 large customers. Our most respected customers, they would hop on a Webex or a Zoom call with us and I would run different ideas by them. Sometimes it was product ideas, sometimes it was premium content ideas, sometimes it was marketing ideas, to see what their thoughts were. They were very, very honest with us.

The other thing that also helped quite a bit was when we started to use our clients with us to create content, because then we had this collegial respect amongst the other clients to respect the content that we're putting out. Some of the content was so useful. We started hosting webinars and we got some of the webinars approved for what they called continuing education credits. Essentially, people would show up, they would view the webinar. Because they would be an attendee at the webinar, they would get credits from their hospital towards their next professional designation. That's how valuable some of the content was. That actually took our webinar attendees up from we used to struggle to get 30 people to show up to a webinar and some of those webinars would have 500, 600 people in on those webinars.

[0:32:14.6] MB: That's incredible. Was this content specifically – I guess, I’m trying to think about the exact way to phrase this, but was the content super targeted around the product and the problems that you were solving, or was it much more generic really expanding out and covering a wide array of things?

[0:32:33.8] SJ: For webinars, it was very specific. However, for written content and specifically for my keynotes when I would go out and speak at the healthcare conferences that my customers would be at, that strategy was something that I remember my board and some board members really being upset about. For example, my speeches, I would never speak about the software. I would not even mention my company name. The purpose of those speeches, it was really for me to speak about something I was noticing within healthcare, which I could identify with within the entrepreneurial world, which was burnout and identity issues; really superimposing your personal identity with your career identity, which I struggled with in the past. My speeches were around that.

What ended up happening indirectly was I would give a keynote, we would have a booth at the same conference. People would come up afterwards and say, “Hey, you never mention the name of the company. What company do you run?” I would verbally just tell them, “It's this company, but the speech isn't about the company.” I would leave, but they would end up going to the booth and sales related things would end up happening from that.

[0:33:48.1] MB: That's so interesting. That really gets into one of the most fascinating things that I find about your journey and what you speak about and write about is this different perspective on being a successful entrepreneur, being a successful CEO. It really in many ways, turns a lot of conventional wisdom on its head. I’d love to hear what your perspective is on what it takes to be a successful entrepreneur and CEO and why that might be different from a lot of people tell you the conventional wisdom is.

[0:34:20.3] SJ: Well, I can tell you some of the things that I believe based on my experience and we can delve in further. One is I think that entrepreneurs fundamentally misunderstand themselves. If we're being honest as entrepreneurs, I think and I hear this a lot at entrepreneur gatherings and conferences, where entrepreneurs say things like, “You know what? I’m not a nine-to-fiver. I can't identify with people that are worker bees that are nine-to-fivers.” There's almost this this indirect message that entrepreneurs are the special breed that only certain special people can be entrepreneurs and everyone else misunderstands us.

I actually think that entrepreneurs misunderstand themselves, because I actually believe that entrepreneurs are artists, they are creatives. They're creative people. When they start out their ventures, they really adopt that creative vibe and energy and lifestyle. The problem with most entrepreneurs is the canvas that they're painting and the painting they're painting on the canvas is a business. For that painting to work, you do need people that are not like you to make the thing happen, which are what we call nine-to-fivers and people that operate on a different rhythm altogether.

I think the key for a lot of entrepreneurs is to acknowledge that they’re creatives, acknowledge that they're artists and acknowledge that they need the space and the right practices to continue to journey inside themselves, because in my belief, it's the journey inside yourself, the continual practice to go inside yourself, to listen to your inner voice that leads to the best ventures.

A lot of entrepreneurs, I think they're too preoccupied in their mind as to what the idea is going to be, what the tactic is going to be, what the strategy is going to be. Based on my experience, I’ve always tried to tunnel inside myself, get really quiet and listen to what my inner voice is telling me. I don't really attach myself to what comes out.

PolicyMedical, the 17 and a half year journey, that was a byproduct of me going inside myself for a period of months before the journey started. What came out was a 17 and a half year tech journey.

[0:36:34.9] MB: When you reached that critical inflection point and switched from a slower lifestyle company to a high-growth business, was that the result of another journey of self-discovery?

[0:36:47.8] SJ: It was challenging. I didn't realize how much I needed a continual practice to continue to go inside, because I made the mistake of having several months, or several years of continual execution. Eventually, I adopted a rhythm and different practices, like meditation and other practices of on a daily and weekly basis going back inside and connecting to my inner voice to make sure that I’m moving along in the right way. That's how I knew it was time to sell the company. That's how I knew that there were specific key clients that we needed to focus on. That's how I knew that certain employees were not a good fit anymore and that's how I knew that certain people that we were interviewing were the ones to take certain parts of the company to the next level. It was that inner voice telling me that.

[0:37:36.4] MB: So interesting, because the research talks about this concept of contemplative routines, things like meditation, things like journaling, stepping back and getting some perspective on what you're doing, how you're spending your time, etc., being such a critical component of people who are really, really successful. It's so interesting to see that that seems to be a really critical component of your journey as well. When you reintegrated that and made it a practice, whether it's daily, weekly, etc., it seems like it really had a tremendous impact on both you personally and the growth of the business.

[0:38:13.7] SJ: It did and I’m thankful for that. However, I realized something in the year and a half since I sold the company. After I sold the company, I went through a long period of not really doing anything formally. I still continued those same practices; journaling, meditation, exercise, hiking, all of those types of practices.

However, what I ended up doing post exit was I did it much more naturally organically. For example, when I had my business and I was journaling, I almost felt I need with rigor, I must journal every single day. It's part of my morning ritual and routine. This is what makes me me, which was I realized in retrospect, that was giving me average returns. When I adopted a much more organic intuitive cycle of doing those practices of essentially doing it when I felt like doing it, it became much more beneficial to me.

[0:39:15.0] MB: Explain that a little bit more.

[0:39:17.0] SJ: I’ve got this – maybe it's not my concept. It probably came from somewhere else, but I guess I’ll – For today, I’ll claim it as my own. I’ve got this concept of a day cycle. I used to feel really guilty if I missed one of my morning best practices, one of my morning routines. I would get really down and be like, “Okay. You know what? Okay. I got to get back on the on the horse here and continue journaling every day then,” because I missed two days.

Now the way I look at it is I probably operate on a 48-hour day, whereas and what I mean by that is I don't have the drive and desire to do practices probably for a few days at a time. It doesn't need to be every day. I give myself permission by thinking of it as I don't operate on a 24-hour day. I operate on a 48-hour day for these particular practices. If I don't feel like doing a certain best practice, that's okay. It's not that I’m lazy. I have to discern between laziness and the not needing to do it at that particular time. It's I’ll do it on another day.

[0:40:23.5] MB: That totally makes sense and that contextualizes what you said earlier about having it be more natural and organic, as opposed to rigid and forced.

[0:40:36.0] AF: This episode of the Science of Success is brought to you by our friends at LinkedIn Jobs. To post a healthcare or essential service job for free, or if you're in another industry and having hiring needs, visit linked.com/success. That’s linkedin.com/success.

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[0:42:12.9] MB: I want to come back to the tools and specific strategies that you used for journeying inside of yourself, for self-discovery. We touched on a few of them, but I want to really understand. Give me a give me some concrete sense of what were the actual activities that you were doing when you were doing some of these contemplative routines.

[0:42:37.2] SJ: Journaling, two types of journaling I would do at times. One was almost a gratitude journal, which did not resonate with me as much. I know the science behind gratitude journaling and all of that, but for me it didn't really resonate. What resonated with me was almost, I think what's called free-flow journaling, where you try to clear your mind, put pen to paper and just write whatever comes out.

I would do a page at a time whenever I did that. Initially, the entries would look like nonsense. Then over time, you would actually see some trends of what might be going on in your subconscious. I felt that very freeing to do. From time to time, that was one practice. The other practice over time and that I continued to do is meditation. Essentially getting really quiet, eyes closed and getting in touch with your inner voice. That was really, really important because it led me to a place of getting rid of all of the other voices from the past and the present that are telling me what to do and those voices are things like your past teachers, your parents, advisors, shareholders, all those types of people. Meditation was critical.

Exercise has always been super-duper important to me. It lifts my mood. I’ve always been athletic and enough throughout my entire life so exercising very rigorously is something that that helped me out quite a bit. Probably the most powerful form of losing track of time and going inside of myself is a very personal thing. At first, I’ll say what it is and it might sound strange. I love to go on my driveway and shoot hoops. I’ll just shoot and shoot and shoot. I literally lose track of time.

Now if anyone's listening to this, I’m not saying that you need to go on your driveway or go to a basketball court and shoot hoops, because that might not be your thing. The reason why that works for me is that's something that I’ve been doing since I was probably in the sixth grade. One tactic for some of the entrepreneurs that I mentor and coach and things that that I always tell them is what did you do when you were 12 years old or in the sixth grade that brought you joy and allowed you to lose track of time?

It's amazing some of the things, some of the people that I’m working with have come up with. Some people, it's randomly riding their bicycle around their neighborhood, other people it's video games. It's so many different activities, but it's that getting lost in time. I find that to be a really powerful form of meditation and going inside yourself.

[0:45:14.8] MB: I think all of those are great suggestions. The term I would use probably to describe, whether it's shooting hoops, getting lost playing video games, whatever it might be would be finding a way to plug into flow states. Because flow states are so powerful and really from a neurological perspective, essentially shut down, or minimize the brain function in the part of the brain that's responsible for self-awareness and you literally lose yourself in the activity that you're doing so it's a really powerful, in some sense, this form of mindfulness.

[0:45:46.3] MB: Yup. Absolutely. If I can mention one other thing that's slightly controversial, but I’ll mention it anyways. It's this other side that I believe every person has that most people don't want to admit. It's that side that might be that secret side to them. I believe every human being has that. I’m not saying it's a side that necessarily succumbs to all of the bad vices out there, but it's a darker side that we all have. I’ve learned that hey, you know what? I’ve got that side to me as well.

When I started to acknowledge that I’ve got that side, those thoughts, those urges, those things that I want to do, I found that transmutation I think is the word, where you take that energy and you transmute it into a more productive activity. I found that to be extremely, extremely helpful in my entrepreneurial journey. I’m not suggesting to take issues, or ideas, or thoughts that you have inside that might be negative and push it down and forget about it. I’m not saying that at all. I’m saying use the natural darker side, the secret side that we all have, instead of trying to get rid of it, own it, acknowledge that it's there, but instead of letting it use you, you use it.

[0:47:16.1] MB: Yeah. That aligns with the classical Jungian concept of the shadow and acknowledging the shadow, figuring out what's going on and integrating it into a whole being as opposed to trying to bury it and hide it and pretend like it doesn't exist.

[0:47:33.7] SJ: Yeah. Yeah.

[0:47:34.8] MB: For somebody who's been listening to this conversation and you may have just shared a number of these strategies, but what would be one thing that you would recommend as an action item, or a piece of homework for our listeners to concretely implement that we've talked about today?

[0:47:50.1] SJ: One thing. I would say what's something that you can do for 1 to 5 minutes a day, now a day based on what you've heard earlier, being a cycle that you accept to be your day. It could be every 24 hours, every 48 hours, every 72 hours, etc. What's something you could do for 1 to 5 minutes a day that has nothing to do with anyone else, that allows you to turn inwards and has you hearing your own inner voice? Because I think that inner voice has all the wisdom, all the ideas, all the direction, all the strategic plans that you need.

The reason I feel so strongly about that is I’m surrounded and I’m within entrepreneur communities, where it seems like the most popular thing that has been going on for the last several years are events like retreats. A lot of my friends are constantly going on retreats and I ask why are you going on these retreats. They may go to Thailand for a retreat. They may go to wherever, for an entrepreneurial retreat for three to four days every quarter or sometimes more. They'll say, “Well, you know what? I’m going to get space. I’m going to get ideas. I’m going to do some inner work.”

I beg to differ, because I think a lot of people that are doing these types of retreats are actually retreating away for themselves. They're running away from their regular life. What I’d suggest for anybody listening to this is how could you create a 1 to 5 minute retreat in your own city, in your own home, in your own office where you live a few times a week?

[0:49:32.1] MB: Such a great suggestion and I love the idea of instead of retreating from yourself, find a way that you can reconnect with yourself.

[0:49:39.7] SJ: Yes. Yeah, great way of putting it.

[0:49:42.4] MB: Saud, where can listeners find more information about you, your work and everything that you're doing now?

[0:49:51.1] SJ: I’ve always operated a bit reclusively in the background, but recently I’ve started to step out of my shell a little bit more. I do have a website now, which is www.saudjuman.io and I’ve recently started sharing some of my thoughts, some of my ideas on LinkedIn and Twitter and some of those other social media channels.

[0:50:12.3] MB: Well, we'll be sure to include all of that in our show notes. Saud, thank you so much for coming on the show and for sharing all this wisdom; some really, really interesting stories about growing your software company and some fascinating insights about really what it takes to be a successful entrepreneur and an executive.

[0:50:32.9] SJ: Thanks so much, Matt. It's been my pleasure. I appreciate it.

[0:50:36.2] MB: Thank you so much for listening to the Science of Success. We created this show to help you our listeners, master evidence-based growth. I love hearing from listeners. If you want to reach out, share your story, or just say hi, shoot me an e-mail. My e-mail is matt@successpodcast.com. That’s M-A-T-T@successpodcast.com. I’d love to hear from you and I read and respond to every single listener e-mail.

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Don't forget, if you want to get all the incredible information we talk about in the show, links transcripts, everything we discussed and much more, be sure to check out our show notes. You can get those at successpodcast.com, just hit the show notes button right at the top. 

Thanks again, and we'll see you on the next episode of the Science of Success.

June 30, 2020 /Lace Gilger
Focus & Productivity
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How to Be a Fearless Leader with Carey Lohrenz

June 25, 2020 by Lace Gilger in Focus & Productivity

In this interview, we dig into what it takes to be a fearless leader with the first-ever female F-14 Tomcat Fighter Pilot in the U.S. Navy, Carey Lohrenz. We dig into fearless leadership, what it was like being a pioneer in her field, how she came over the many obstacles in her way, and the mindset you need to lead and succeed. 

Carey Lohrenz is a WSJ bestselling author, a CSP designated keynote speaker, teambuilding expert, and was the first female F-14 Tomcat Fighter Pilot in the U.S. Navy. Carey has delivered Keynotes, Leadership Training, and Executive Coaching to both top Fortune 100 businesses, and associations. She is the author of “Fearless Leadership: High-Performance Lessons from the Flight Deck.” Carey has worked at developing senior executives & management teams for companies such as Cisco, AT&T, and State Farm Insurance.

  • How to go from being the first female F-14 Tomcat Fighter Pilot to becoming a bestselling author. 

  • The typical day for an F-14 Tomcat Pilot and the unique challenges of being the first female F-14 Tomcat Pilot.

  • What it's like to fly over the ocean at night when your biggest fear in life is dark open water...

  • Defining Fearless Leadership.

  • What you can learn about leadership as a pilot.

  • Themes of sustainable leaders. 

  • Many people are put into leadership positions but then as time goes on patience wears thin, and their leadership skills begin to decline. 

  • How to prepare for your fears and face them head-on. 

    • People get mad at themselves for being afraid, but fear can often be a good thing. 

    • Many people think being brave or courageous means the absence of fear.

  • The keys to building a great culture for every type of team:

    • Be a great wingman

    • Trust

    • Get help with your blind spots – have open lines of communication built on trust

    • Hold each other accountable

  • How to handle failures and push yourself beyond your capacity.

  • How to assess the outcome of a situation and debrief yourself & your team to strive for continuous improvement:

    • What was supposed to happen?

    • What did happen?

    • Why was it different?

    • What can we learn from this?

    • How do we incorporate this next time?

  • In times of crisis, we need to focus on what we can control. 

  • Anxiety & strong emotions can inevitably creep up in times of stress caused by things we can’t control. 

  • How we can keep our sights on what we can do and what we can control.

  • Carey’s one daily habit or routine you can embrace that’s had a measurable impact on her life.

  • Homework: Take 3-5 minutes and carefully consider and reflect on what you can do right now that is under your span of control. 

    • When you shut down the news and social media what can you focus on, under your control, that will make your world a little bit better and make a difference or innovate? 

    • Name three things!

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Thank you so much for listening!

Please SUBSCRIBE and LEAVE US A REVIEW on iTunes! (Click here for instructions on how to do that).

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This week's episode of The Science of Success is brought to you by Best Fiends.

Best Fiends is a 5-Star rated mobile puzzle game with over 100 million downloads. I’m not someone who is traditionally a mobile game person but I have to say I’m a HUGE fan of this game and it’s a great way to challenge yourself when you’re on the go, waiting in line, or doing some relaxing.

The games developers and team are constantly updating with new themes and levels so the game never gets old or less challenging. This really keeps you on your toes in a fun way as you need to utilize different characters and strategies in order to succeed. What may have gotten you to a certain point in most cases won’t get you to the next.

You’re constantly engaging your brain with fun puzzles and collecting tons of unique characters. Trust me, with over 100 millions downloads this 5-star rated mobile puzzle game is a must play. So check it out go to the Apple app store or Google Play store on your phone and download best fiends today and start playing.

The game is great, their team is great so go check it out now and start playing today, I’ll see you on the leaderboard! 

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Want To Dig In More?! - Here’s The Show Notes, Links, & Research

General

  • Carey’s Website and Wiki Page

  • Carey’s LinkedIn, Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter

Media

  • Texas CEO Magazine - “In Times of Crisis, Focus on Your Span of Control” by Carey Lohrenz

  • Ceridian - “Carey Lohrenz: Taking flight by leading change” by Carey Lohrenz

  • Medium - “Carey Lohrenz: The Navy’s First Female F-14 Tomcat Fighter Pilot On fearless leadership, challenging adversity and pushing boundaries.” by Danielle Newnham

  • Hotcars - “15 Most Unusual Rules That Fighter Jet Pilots Have To Follow” By Mark Padgett

  • [Podcast] Dose of Leadership - 180 – Carey Lohrenz: First Female F-14 Tomcat Fighter Pilot, Author, Motivational Speaker

  • [Podcast] Blanchard LeaderChat Podcast - Becoming a Fearless Leader with Carey Lohrenz

  • [Podcast] The Learning Leader Show - Episode 192: Carey Lohrenz – The 1st Female F-14 Tomcat Pilot: Fearless Leadership, Top Gun, Courage

  • [Podcast] The Work Place: Leadership, pressure, and performance | with Carey Lohrenz

Videos

  • Carey’s YouTube Channel

    • Carey Lohrenz Inspirational Keynote Speaker Demo

  • EntreLeadership - The Top Lessons Carey Lohrenz Learned From the Flight Deck

  • Key Speakers - Speaker Carey Lohrenz - Full Length Keynote

  • CBS Good Morning - Navy's first female fighter pilot on leadership, overcoming obstacles

Books

  • Fearless Leadership (Second Edition): High-Performance Lessons from the Flight Deck  by Carey Lohrenz

Episode Transcript

[00:00:04.4] ANNOUNCER: Welcome to The Science of Success. Introducing your host, Matt Bodnar.

[0:00:12.1] AF: Hello, everyone. Welcome to another episode of the Science of Success; the number one evidence-based growth podcast on the Internet with over five million downloads and listeners in over 100 countries, so you are in great company here today.

My name is Austin Fable and I’m excited to tell you about our interview today with Carey Lohrenz. Carey Lohrenz is not only a Wall Street Journal best-selling author, a designated and highly sought after keynote speaker, but she was also the first female F-14 Tomcat Fighter Pilot in the US Navy. She's the author of Fearless Leadership: High-Performance Lessons from the Flight Deck. 

This was an incredible conversation. Carey is just a phenomenal and fascinating individual to begin with. We dig into a ton of the lessons from her book, how we can ourselves become fearless leaders, but also what the journey was like to becoming the first female F-14 Tomcat fighter pilot in the US Navy, what the training was like for that, some of the mental setbacks and what it's like to really be a pioneer in her field. I know you're going to love it. It was a pleasure speaking to Carey and we're already in discussions to have her back on for a round two.

First before the interview, are you a fan of the show? If so, go to www.successpodcast.com today and sign up for our e-mail list. It's the best place to keep up to date with all of our brand new content, get exclusive content for our e-mail subscribers. When you sign up, we're going to send you our free course called Create Time For What Matters Most.

Now are you on the go, maybe you're at the gym? That's totally fine. Just text the word ‘smarter’, that's S-M-A-R-T-E-R to 44-222 today to get started.

Again, Carey was just an absolutely fascinating interview. I know you're going to get a lot out of it. She was just incredible to talk to. Without further ado, here's my interview with Carey Lohrenz.

[0:02:10.8] AF: Carey, welcome to the Science of Success.

[0:02:13.3] CL: Woo-hoo! Thanks for having me here.

[0:02:15.5] AF: You've got an incredible background. I mean, you've really done it all; from being the first female F-14 Tomcat fighter pilot, to being a best-selling author. To start out, can you just share with the listeners a little bit more about you, your work and your journey thus far?

[0:02:29.9] CL: Oh, gosh. Yeah. I was super fortunate, timing being what it was to be selected as one of the first female F-14 Tomcat fighter pilot. I was lucky to fly on and off of aircraft carriers around the world, day and night. After that, transitioned to both motherhood and being an author, keynote speaker. I coach Fortune 1, Fortune 500 companies and do lots of keynote events for those Fortune 1 and Fortune 500 companies around the world; not only helping them build their own individual leadership skills, but also how to grow and develop high-performing teams.

[0:03:06.6] AF: It's fascinating work and an incredibly fascinating background. I’m really looking forward to digging in today. I’m curious though, did you always know you wanted to be a pilot? I feel like, I’ve got a couple of friends, just a handful who are actually pilots right now in the Air Force and they seem like they were made for it. Was that the case for you, or was there a moment where you decided that you wanted to be a pilot?

[0:03:26.3] CL: I always knew from the beginning that I’d be an aviator. Flying was in my blood. My dad was a Marine Corps C-130 pilot and flew over in Vietnam. I’ve got an older brother who just a year older than me, we grew up playing with all of my dad's flight gear and he had bought this [inaudible 0:03:42.9] over in Japan and we had these bar stools that were, I don't know, some big wood things and we'd always tip them over and put all this flight gear on and pretend like we were in our airplanes with silk maps flying all over the place.

I think we both knew that somehow, we would be involved in aviation. That path is not always clear for really, for anybody. There was a bit more of a challenge for me, because there weren't a lot of female role models at all. At some point in time, I grew up in Wisconsin, and so every year we would go down and we would see – we would go to the EAA Air Show, which is one of the world's biggest air shows, and you see all these old airplanes and new airplanes and these old pilots and all of my dad's friends from the military would come in.

We were fortunate that we would always be able to sit around the edges and they'd start having their scotch, or their whiskey, or whatever and they'd start telling stories and their hands would start flying. It was so fascinating. Yet, even though I knew the wasps had flown in the 40s, nobody ever talked about it. There were really a few role models.

As I went through college and I was thinking about it, I was a rower in college and I’m like, “Well, how can I do this?” I only told a few people about my dream to fly, because when I was in school and I would mention, I’m considering this and I don't just want to be any old pilot. I want to be a naval aviator. People would be like, “Well, why do you want to do that? That's too hard.” It was like, I’d get my little dream stomped on right away, because nobody was familiar with it.

No matter who you are, or what it is you want to do, when you think you want to do something, you will always run into barriers about people telling you, “Why do you want to do this? Or I don't know, you don't seem – that doesn't seem like that might be a good fit for you.” You have to figure out what is that path going to look like, what is it going to take to get there, and then be willing to do the work, regardless of those barriers and obstacles.

It was a bit of a challenging path, but I went to the University of Wisconsin. There are only three ways you can become a naval aviator. You either go to the Naval Academy, earn a flying slot, go through an ROTC program at any college in the US and then get a flying slot out of that, that designation, or you do what I did, where you're a regular college graduate. I went through Aviation Officer Candidate School, which is essentially a 14-week program that takes you on this path from being a regular college graduate, to earning your Officer Commission.

It's 14, 16 weeks of non-stop academics, non-stop extreme physical training and just constant pressure, where they are trying to break you every single day. That's actually, it's cool because historically, it's the place where legends were made at AOCS. Neil Armstrong went through there, Buzz Aldrin, John McCain. A lot of history. It's a very, very intense extraordinary program that has one of the highest washout rates in all of the military training, because it's this extreme combination of drinking from a firehose of academics, physical training, discipline, all of this stuff. Then if you make it through there, then you're on your way to flight school.

[0:07:09.1] AF: Definitely not an easy path. Speaking candidly here, I think it's so incredible to hear, because you talk about these dreams you had as a kid and you never gave up on them and you always pursued them, despite the lack of female role models in the industry you were going for. Now you've really evolved and through your hard work and perseverance, you've really become that role model for people, young women that may have been, or may be just like you were, that have these dreams and they actually have somebody to look up to now that they can relate with.

Why do you think it is that you were one of the first female F-14 pilots? I’m just curious as to why this didn't happen sooner. What were the limitations behind it?

[0:07:49.8] CL: Well, there was a law in place that said women could not fly in combat. When women first started flying in the military in the late 70s, there was this law in place that said women could not fly in combat aircraft. It wasn't until the late 80s, some of those women who started kicking to open that door kept advocating for it and advocating relentlessly, because what we all know is that from a promotion and a leadership perspective, if you don't have combat service in some place checked, that you've checked that box, you are not as promotable as other people, which then puts an artificial choke point on that leadership promotion pipeline, which means you are never going to be represented, you're never going to have all the voices at the table.

There were these women ahead of me who did not have the opportunity, who relentlessly and at great risk to their careers, kept advocating for that to happen. It wasn't until April of 1993 that they completely lifted that combat exclusion ban. Because that happened actually while I was in flight school, I’ve gone through two years of flight school. The whole time I was in flight school, there was a ban on women in combat. But because I had performed well at every stage in flight school, I was able to select the jet pipeline.

You're graded for every single flight, every test that you take. Once you're in primary flight school, only about the top 10% get to choose the jet pipeline. Then them people are assigned propeller airplanes or helicopters. The pipeline keeps narrowing and you keep losing people by attrition every week, essentially, because of grades, or it's not a good fit.

Just about a month before I was scheduled to graduate and earn my wings from flight school was when they lifted this combat exclusion clause. Because of my grades, because of my class standing, I was able to after much ado and this would probably be a different podcast, I was able to put my top choices. Because of my class standing, I was awarded the F-14, which was super exciting. I mean, it was the world's premier fighter jet.

I am very clear on that there were women in the pipeline in the years prior to me that had that rule not then in place, it could have been them. Not only do I stand on the shoulders of those women who went right before me, but I will tell you had it not been for the wasps who flew over 2 million hours in World War II and then were told to, “Pack up your flight gear. We don't need you here. Go home,” that is what gives you, I think an extra percentage, or an extra bit of metal inside of you that you realize you are not here alone, and but for were not them flying in the 40s when they were told, “You're not good enough. You're women. Why are you not here?” But they were actually the ones who affected our capability to win World War II, I wouldn’t never had the opportunity. I want to be super clear on that that it wasn't because, oh, I’m so awesome and look at me, this is fantastic. I stand on the shoulders of the great people who went before me.

[0:11:20.6] AF: Yeah. I think you just put on a masterclass of really what I think is a perfect mindset when it comes to leadership and being humble and making sure that you appreciate those who may have paved some of the paths before you got there. Also, just the fact that you went through this rigorous, physical and mental training the whole time, not knowing if this ban was going to get lifted. Then just so happens a month before graduation, it does. But to be able to stay that physically and mentally dedicated and sharp, knowing that you might not even get your ultimate goal due to some, pardon my language, bullshit ban, but still pushing through, really I think that's how you find opportunity in life as you've had some uncertainty in front of you, which you did not let it affect your work ethic. You still continued to strive to be the best in your class and the universe opened itself up at the right time.

[0:12:10.9] CL: Absolutely. I’m not trying to be self-deprecating in any way, but I’ll tell you what, I showed up at AOCS, there are guys there who were aerospace engineers. There are guys there who ran Foreman at 32nd miles. They were like Greek Adonis's. They were built like brick houses. You look around and you're like, “Oh, my God. I’m never going to run a five-minute mile. I’m not going to be able to do whatever, 200 push-ups in two minutes.”

There are things I can do. What happens is that there are three personal elements that I really would drop anchor on, that I think anybody has the capacity to leverage and that is courage, tenacity and always operating with integrity. Those of us who when you're in the midst of it, when you're drowning, when you are doing – you're literally entering hour number two of doing jumping jacks non-stop, because somebody in your squad did something, maybe they flunked a test, maybe they dropped their rifle during drill, but your drill instructor is furious and you are doing two hours of jumping jacks and people are dropping like flies, if you think if at that point in time your only purpose or dream had been, “I want to fly fighters, or I want to serve my country and be a naval aviator,” that's probably not going to get you through.

You have to be able to have this flexible mindset that you keep this dream and this purpose and this goal deep within your heart, but where you in the present can focus on your span of control. What do I mean by that? You have to be able to understand in the depths of despair, in the depths of overwhelm what you can control, what I call your span of control. That means that instead of thinking, “Oh, this is way too hard. This is BS. This is not what I got my aerospace degree for.” You think, “I can do jumping jacks for 30 seconds. I’m going to do them for the next 30 seconds. I’m going to prove this guy wrong, that I don't care, that he can't beat the dream out of me just because this is hard.”

Because too often, what I think we see now is that people see this vision of success and they think, “I want that,” because as we were talking about offline earlier, it's the yellow Lambo, it's the big house, it's the position, it's the positional authority or their perception of power, but they haven't thought about the work that it's going to take to get there, and/or that it's your ability to focus on what matters and stay in the moment and make it that next five minutes, make it that next 15 minutes, make it to the end of the day and to be able to dig in and do the work when no one's watching you. It's critical and it is a step in the path of success that you cannot skip. If you do skip it, hand over heart I promise you, you're only going to be at the top of that mountain for a very short time.

[0:15:18.2] AF: Yeah, you can't skip the hard work. We had a great conversation before we started recording about all this. I think it reminds me of the world we live in now and you and I had a nice discussion on social media and what that really means for the world, but you hear all about these overnight successes. It gets a pretty common topic of conversation, but there really is no such thing, right?

I mean, you might hear about how this guy just came on the scene and boom, like all of a sudden, millions of downloads and they're everywhere, but you don't see – It reminds me the picture of Jeff Bezos in that small little office with Amazon spray-painted on a piece of cardboard. You don't see that. What you see is the Forbes’ richest man lists.

If you don't have that dedication to the work and like you said truly, believe in your heart and what you're doing, you're not going to get through the work. That's why so many people that post five social media posts and they want to become a CEO and famous, they get frustrated and they quit, because they don't actually – they want the title, they want the Lambo, but they don't have the ability to get down the dirt and do the work it requires.

[0:16:20.3] CL: That's right. It's this misperception of what work actually is, like we were talking yes, I’m on social media and up until the last couple of months, because we're obviously, we're recording during a pandemic, in my job, I was doing up to a 100 keynotes a year. I only share that for context. Because I was on the road and I have four kids. Because I was on the road a lot and as soon as I come home, I’m constantly – I’m on the phone texting my kids. I’m Facetiming, I’m managing all of these things, that's not where I put my effort. My effort is put on what can I do serving my clients to generate value, not worried about, “Oh, have I posted a great picture? How does this look? Ooh, people need to see my super awesome car.” I’m actually in the trenches doing the work.

My question for people when we think about success, it's easy to think it's come easy for other people. At the end of the day, I think everybody needs to determine a couple of things. First, what does success actually look like for you? Not for somebody else, not what you think it should look like, but for you? Then how bad do you want it? I would put that on a square and put that on Instagram, because I’ll give you a quick example.

Again, when I started flight school, I did not have the advantage of having an aerospace engineering degree, or a structural engineering degree or something like that. I was a psychology and social work major. I have been an international business major, but my first semester in college got off to a rough start. I had to make things up a little bit for my next semesters. I’ll give you a quick example. When I was starting flight school, and so you've already gone through AOCS and now you're combining with the people who went to the Naval Academy and were ROTC grads, the first morning of orientation at Naval Air Station Corpus Christi, you walk into the hangar space. It smells like fuel. There are airplanes everywhere. There are all these smart, super fit people and it's exciting and it's intimidating and no different than Top Gun, everyone's looking around at who are the people, who are your competition, who are going to be your new best friends, who is going to make it through, right? Who's got the stuff? Who has the advantages? And I know it's going to be a lot of work.

People are, they're nervous, they're joking around, they're sweaty. In walks a Marine Corps aviator instructor pilot, a captain. He starts with all the niceties. He's his buff, built guy, welcome aboard. This is going to be exciting, yada, yada, yada. Then things took a turn. Because sitting on every desk is this stack of books that's, I don't know, a foot, a foot and a half high. He starts to tell us that, “Hey, look around, because in this stack of books, you are responsible for every word, every list, every procedure and you need to have this memorized soup-to-nuts in the next six weeks. Otherwise, you're going to wash out of the program. If you weren't able to drink from a firehose, this wasn't going to be for you.”

I am telling you, it was crickets in the room and everybody starts looking around. Then he starts to say, “And, what you also need to know is probably in the next few years, or by the time your career in aviation is done, a third of you will not be here. As in would no longer be with us, either through attrition, or by mishaps, by dying.”

I’ll tell you what, there were people in that room who were visibly shaken. In my end of the class, there were actually even a couple of people that that reality, the reality of the workload, the reality of the risk, it hit too close for home for some people. You had to ask yourself right then and there, do you have the courage in the tenacity to do the work and to grind it out at great risk? Do you actually have that?

Your mind is scrambling and yes, you've thought of these things, but now it's literally encapsulated in a foot, foot and a half tall stack of books right in front of you and understanding that a third of the people around you will not be here. What's that reality? Understanding what is it going to take?

People, there are all these books that have come out and some – a couple of them very, very good on grit in the last couple of years. What people don't tend to internalize, because it almost feels fluffy for some people or very accessible, I say this and you can beep this out if you want, but I’m like, don't forget that gritty rhymes with shitty, right? That's what that means. It doesn't mean, “Oh, it's hard and yes, I know what hard is.” It means it's not going to be fun.

The people who inevitably end up being successful, whether it's top-performing athletes, top-performing executives, top-performing parents realize that work that it's going to take and that each and every day, how you show up matters and what you are focusing on matters. That will ultimately determine what success looks like for you.

[0:21:39.2] AF: Yeah, I think it's such a powerful message and so many insights there in that story too. I mean, just the idea of a foot tall stack of books just gives me a little bit of a shiver down my spine in the first place.

The book is called of Fearless Leadership: High-Performance Lessons from the Flight Deck. You went through these three personal elements of courage, tenacity, integrity. I want to dig into courage a little bit. We've dug into fear many times on the show. I’m curious, how do you go about preparing for facing your own fears? Then also, if you could define courage a little bit, because I’ve seen people really who almost at times get mad at themselves for being afraid, right? They're like, “Oh, why am I so shaken up? I have the butterflies. What's going on with me?” But it's not always the absence of fear that really matters. How do you go about facing your fears and what does courage really mean to you?

[0:22:31.1] CL: Because it's actually the flipside of fear, it's the first vital element in fearless leadership, in not only leading yourself, but in leading other people. If you can cultivate courage in yourself, then you are going to have what it takes to see those limitless possibilities for your future and to tamp down the voices telling you that you can't do it, and whether those are internal or external.

It takes exercising this and understanding that the first step in any leader’s journey is accepting the fact that you are worthy of being a leader and that it's going to take you starting from where you are with what you've got and go where you want to go. All it takes is having that courage that just that momentary flash of enough to jump at the opportunity, or take action when the opportunity comes along.

Too often, I’ll hear people and this is at all levels of coaching, of guiding teams, of developing leadership on an individual skill set, as well as from teams. People think that leadership is a gift, right? That it's some innate gift that some are blessed more than others, which I’ll push back on. I think that's more charisma, because no matter what your role is in life, you all are engaged in, we all are engaged in leadership in some way. Stepping up and taking ownership and accountability of your leadership personally and your career is going to take courage.

If you shirk that responsibility or that opportunity, worried that you're not cut out for the role, or you're not ready yet, which is what I hear way more from women than men, you are going to pass up those chances to grow into a fearless leader. What I don't ever want people to think is when I’m talking about fearless leadership, that means you're going to be super comfortable, right? Like, “Hey, I’ve got this all figured out.”

No. What that means is you are going to feel sweaty, you're going to feel a lump in your throat, or a pit in your stomach, or even some verp coming up and that's okay, because if you don't, if you're not considering the possibility of failure, if you're not considering the risks, you’re crazy. You better be de-risking things, you better be thinking about that. You can darn well bet your bottom dollar that we do that as fighter pilots. We're not running around with our hair on fire. Well, sometimes we are, but we are high-performing, high risk managers.

Understanding that it takes courage to do that and it doesn't mean that you have to be brave all the time. It is about you summoning up the courage to be willing to step into the ring, be willing to go after it time and time again. That does not mean you have to be brave 100% of the time. It's in these tiny moments that we decide to take action, that will define whether or not we'll be successful and whether or not we'll be more courageous the next time. Because every time you choose to stare fear in the face, or stare that anxiety that you're feeling, that sweat, all those things that we just talked about, every time you do that, you feel that and you take action anyway, you build more strength, courage and confidence to go a little further next time.

[0:26:03.1] AF: So true. I want to dig into a little bit more of the de-risking and then the debriefing that I know you've talked about in the past. I also want to touch on tenacity real quick. Obviously, throughout your career, I’m sure you've hit different barriers that you've broken through and you mentioned that you hear, especially from women, you're not quite ready yet. Explain detail what tenacity means, because I can think of it and think it's just plow forward, move forward, move forward, move forward. I think of it in physical context a lot of times, but I imagine that there's some nuance that's nasty when it comes to treading new ground and doing things that haven't been done before and really breaking what are standard norms in any organization. What role does tenacity play and what's the nuance in that?

[0:26:46.8] CL: Tenacity is at the end of the day, it's just sticking to it even when it's hard. That's my very non-scientific, but working with high-performers Olympians, top executives, other people in military fields, that's what it boils down to. It boils down to sticking to it when it's even hard. If you think about courage, it takes courage for leaders of any stripe to think why not me and to go for it, but it takes tenacity once you've made that decision to keep pushing and keep striving and keep working hard, when the novelty of those first decisive moments wears off.

It's when that path ahead looks really bleak, or uncertain, or there are challenges and you keep running into roadblock after roadblock. Think of courage as that 20-second sprint, but tenacity is the five, six, seven-hour marathon, when you're the last one, when they're picking up the cones behind you, just waiting for you to stop. Yeah, and we all have, right, in some way, shape or form, maybe not at 26.1 miles, but at someplace in life.

It's about having that willingness to keep at it, because if you can't do that success in any way, shape or form, is not going to be possible. The more tenacious you become, the more you develop this bias for good judgment and action, you have to actually go out and do it. It's the doing it part that comes first.

When you learn to take action, even in situations where you're feeling stuck and frustrated and intimidated and you're facing what could feel like a searing unknown, you increase your ability to get through situations that demand commitment. I think we're at a time in place right now where for so many people, there's been this really clear path ahead. If I do this, then I know the next step is this. My little business workshop said just to do X, Y and Z and success will appear.

Right now and I’ve advocated this with the leaders that I’ve worked with and people have heard me speak before non-stop. Oftentimes this is also about finding a third way. This is not just about being stubborn, but finding a third way means you have to actively innovate and look for other ways to get done what needs to be done. This is about showing tenacity when you feel like giving up. If we're going to stay relevant, if we're going to stay successful and be able to bring people with us on this journey and serve our communities, our friends, our families, our clients, you're going to have to stick with it and do the hard work and be willing to grind it out and stay focused on what matters.

[0:29:46.0] AF: What's up, everybody? This is Austin Fable, producer and co-host of the Science of Success. This episode of the Science of Success is brought to you by the mobile app Best Fiends. That's best friends, but without the R. Best Fiends is honestly one of the best mobile games I've ever played. If you're looking for a truly fun and engaging way to pass the time while enjoying a great story, some awesome visuals, Best Fiends is absolutely for you.

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[0:31:27.9] AF: I love the idea of finding a third way. It reminds me of we interviewed a gentleman by the name of Alex Banayan, who wrote a book called The Third Door and it really exemplifies a lot of that too. It's full of really crazy stories. He hacked how to get on the price of right and do all these things, but his message was very similar. It's just that when traditional ways don't work, you need to get creative and find that third way to get things done.

So many people don't look for those new ways. It makes it even more impact if you bring business practices from one sector and apply them to another, all of a sudden it's like, “Oh, my God. You're a genius,” but really, it's just common sense in one area and not in other and you're just finding a new way.

[0:32:02.1] CL: One of the things that I always advocate for as well, I call it the 80% rule. What I mean by that is 80% is good enough and this isn't OpEx, or Lean or Six Sigma, not the Pareto 80% thing, but I want you to think that 80% is good enough for you to achieve a 100% of your dreams and goals. What do I mean by that?

Too often right now and again when it comes to even de-risking things, we think that we need everything to be perfect before we launch. We think we have to have our marketing campaign perfect, we think we need to have the perfect fitness regime, we think we're trying to de-risk everything to the point of perfection. Yet, I will share with you and our fast-moving environment and working in very challenging environments where things changed by the second going at Mach 2, yes, we've done all the planning, we've done all the preparation, we've done all the hard work, so that when change happens, when we can throw that well-made plan out the door, we know that 80% is good enough. We know enough, we have enough situational awareness and we know what success looks like, that we can adapt and adjust.

As long as we keep taking action and we keep learning and that is critical. The people who end up being successful, not as a flash in the pan, but over time, the people who remain relevant over time are the ones who have created within themselves and within their team. I don't care if it's teama 1 or teama 2, or teama 2,000 or teama 200,000, a culture of excellence and a culture of learning. If you are not willing to learn and if you think you have it all figured out and you think you're the shizzle, you are done.

[0:33:51.2] AF: I think the keep learning thing is just so huge. I mean, I think – I’ve said before, I think the – I guess, the best superpower a human can have is the ability to change one's thoughts and continue learning. To be able to pivot and take new action based on new information, or shift different beliefs.

You touched on a ton of things and I think inevitably, when you're pushing yourself, when you're being courageous, when you're being tenacious, you're going to fail oftentimes and learning from those failures is so important. If you could just drill down a little bit more and I believe I’ve heard you in the past call it the debriefing process, to make sure that you continue to learn from each experience. What's that look like?

[0:34:26.7] CL: Absolutely. I’ll try to boil it down into super easy and actionable items for our listeners today, because as fighter pilots, man, we need to keep things simple. We study the complex, we learn the complex, but when you're flying at the speed of sound, that's not where complexity can come into play, because you need to be very prepared and you need to be able to adapt.

This is a really dynamic process. It's accessible for everybody. It is what I call the prepare, perform and prevail. Three steps. Think of it in three steps. Prepare, at the beginning you are going to plan. We are going to bring people together, or ourselves if we're alone, we're going to bring people together, we're going to set up a plan, we're going to craft a plan to achieve and identify our mission objective.

In the middle part, so if you think of these as bookends; on the one side you have prepare, in the middle part you have execution. This is when we're actually doing things, right? We want that to be as boring as possible. We don't want to be firefighting. We don't want to be looking for the big saves. We actually want it to be boring.

At the end, after every flight, the thing that allowed us to be more successful than anybody else in the world is that we debrief. We come together, we analyze how things went and we figure out how we can do it better next time. The debrief is not about trying to figure out who's right. The debrief is trying to figure out what's right.

This is a place and boy, this is such a foot stomper, because there are so many people who could learn from this right now. Because again, this is where we need to be able to set our egos aside to figure out what's working. It's in the debrief that we quickly identify those things that are working and those things that are not, so that we can improve our performance for the next operation, for the next flight, the next afternoon very, very quickly.

The debrief is actually at what I would call the fighter pilots’ secret weapon to success. It is how we ensure high performance. I cannot think of a single flight in the military that I finished that we did not debrief, because it's your opportunity to learn. If you are not debriefing both your successes and your failures, you are leaving success to chance. Because if you're not debriefing after the things that went well, how are you going to replicate it? Because if you just high-five, hit the bar and tell each other that we’re awesome, how are you going to replicate that? Were you successful, because you got lucky, or because you are actually awesome? And/or are there a couple of things that we skirted on that, but we've identified it so that next time, we'll make sure to keep our eye out for this, so that that's not the thing that takes us down next time. Because our goal is obviously, to be successful, as well as to bring it everybody back safe and in one piece.

[0:37:40.3] AF: Yeah. I think it's just such a powerful thing to do and a great habit just in general, not only to debrief when you're being successful, but also when you failed, every experience should be followed by a debrief, just so it stays fresh and make sure that you actually learn from what you're doing. As opposed to just plowing forward blindly and hoping you strike gold again.

[0:37:58.4] CL: Absolutely. This is not a finger pointing session. I mean, sometimes obviously in the debrief, you can imagine with fighter pilots, there are a lot of egos involved, tempers can fly if things did not work well or go the way they were supposed to. However, it's always done with deference and with respect, because the goal is trying to figure out how do we quickly identify shortfalls or gaps in performance sooner than our competition is, so that we can be better next time.

When you're debriefing, by uncovering new opportunities faster, you and your team can become more agile, you can adapt and adjust to a rapidly changing marketplace faster than anybody else out there, which right now is critical, because if you can't do that, if you can't figure out how to adapt and adjust really quickly, you are not going to be in business and we have a very short opportunity to improve your ability to anticipate or make that decision to take action. It's a great tool. We're going to ask our self essentially five questions really quickly, what was supposed to happen, what actually happened, why were there differences, what can we learn and how do we incorporate that lesson into execution the next time?

We always end it on a high note. Always, always glad to be here, right? Okay, that was a brutal one, glad to be here. This is not about some Pollyannaish, BS, super motivational, “Oh, hey. Everything's awesome. So glad to be here. Tap into my dibbles.” No, because a positive attitude will not guarantee your success, but a negative attitude kills your ability to adapt. That is critical.

[0:39:44.6] AF: So critical. Carey, this has been a great conversation. You've been more than generous with your time and I want to make sure I’m respectful of it. I just have a couple of last rapid-fire questions and then I’ll give you back the rest of your day, but just thank you again not only for your service, but for your time today. It's just been such a great conversation, both on the air and off the air to get to know you a little bit.

[0:40:03.2] CL: Oh, gosh. I’m glad to be here. Thank you.

[0:40:05.8] AF: What is one daily habit or routine that you embrace that you think has had the most measurable impact on your life?

[0:40:14.9] CL: I am a huge post-it note fan. What I do is I net down the complicated into three things. Every day, I take a fat sharpie marker and I grab a post-it note. If I end up not having one of those available, I’ll write it on whatever, but stays visible; my top three most important things. Again, I’m a mom of four, I run a business, I’ve got a team and I have way too many things that need to be done on a daily basis for me to actually get done.

No different than what we did flying, what Top Gun does every day. Every day, I write down my flight plan for success. I try to figure out what is under my span of control and what are the top three things that if I focus on these three things, will move the needle faster than anything else. I will share with you that right now and in the – we're taping this in a time of a pandemic. Those things have changed. Right now, my top three things are essentially pretty much stay the same with rare exception, but a couple of things; family, fitness and finances. Those are my top three things right now.

Making sure my kids are on track. Because we're all on lockdown, I’m trying to get a workout in every day. Biggest stress manager and health protector thing that you can do is try to grab that sweaty workout. Then keeping an eye on what's happening with finances. If I keep those three things on track, then I know I can still be in service to my clients and providing value. If any one of those three things gets out of whack, I won't be able to have the impact that I’m hoping to make.

[0:42:10.7] AF: So true. I think those three things are something everybody should keep in mind all the time. I couldn't agree more on the workout front either. At least for me, I find with me in my circle, it all starts at least with that physical health. The mental follows that, but that big as you say, that sweaty workout really is what catalyzes most of the mental clarity and purpose behind most days.

[0:42:32.7] CL: Physiologically, it does wonders. There might be some people who are listening right now and I don't mean that if you're a woman, that you have to strive to be a size 6, or size 2, or any of that BS. Or if you're a guy you're like, “Oh, if I’m not in a 32 or 34, 36 pants, then I’m less than.” This has nothing to do with that.

I’ve been baking bread every day for the last three months, so I promise you, that's not my goal. It is that actually changing your physical state, getting sweaty, getting your heart rate up, doing some cardiovascular work, it lowers your cortisol levels, it increases your body's ability to fight off inflammation and stress and it does allow you to think more clearly. Which is why I get super irritated even with myself if I get distracted and throughout the day and now I said I’m trying to get a workout in at 6:00 at night, because I know it's not going to be as good. I know it's not. I’ve been thinking about it all day. Then I just get frustrated with myself.

I do think it's a big component. Again, you don't have to work out for 45 minutes. It doesn't need to be 90 minutes. I tell people, just start with 12. Shoot for 12 minutes. If you get to 12 minutes and you're like, “I literally can't do this anymore. I’m so maxed out.” You know what? You got 12 minutes in that you wouldn’t have gotten before. 12 minutes for me for – Usually if I’m like, “Ah, I’m going to work out for 45 minutes or whatever the case may be,” and I’m just like, “Oh, I can't do it. I can't do it. Now I’m in minute number eight and I’m still irritated.” Once I get to the minute number 12, then I’m like, “Yeah, I’m already here. I’m sweaty. Let's go.” That's a psychological thing, I guess. I don't know.

[0:44:06.8] AF: I couldn't agree with you more. I think it's a message we should be preaching a lot more. I mean, like you said, it's not about fitting into your size zero or your 32 inch waist. It's about just what it does for the rest of your mind. I mean, just the effects just compound on each other. I’m curious too, we talked about this. I gave you a heads up this was coming, but what is your favorite movie?

[0:44:27.0] CL: Hands-down, Top Gun. I am an unabashedly Top Gun fan. I have watched that movie so many times and I can tell you every place where there's a little disparity, or there's something that's not accurate, or somebody has sunglasses on and they shouldn't, or whatever. Even now, I mean, and I think they might have just taken it off. I don't know, because they haven't flown for three months. But Delta has had it on and I love the soundtrack. I’ll play it on flights, I’m trying to write, or answering e-mails and I’ll look up, the cinematography is awesome and I love the soundtrack. It's so awesome.

We were talking about this just for a second and why it also resonates with me, it came out when I was younger. What was so exciting for me when I got assigned to fly the F-14 Tomcat, I went out to Miramar. The senior guys, [inaudible 0:45:23.3] on the squadrons, in different squadrons, were the ones who did the flying there in that movie. Now you'd spy somebody across the – at the old club or wherever and they're like, “Oh, yeah. He flew in that scene, or different. You feel you're bumping shoulders with legends. It's just cool.

[0:45:41.8] AF: Highway to the danger zone. Yeah, when I turned 16 and first got a car, that was the soundtrack I was playing, which looking back on it, probably didn't help with speeding I did in high school.

[0:45:51.8] CL: No. You can't. If you cannot not speed when you're listening to that song, I don't know. I know that even now, I mean, and yeah, there are plenty other things that get you going, but that first, the initial lead into it, it's a baller soundtrack. It's awesome.

[0:46:05.6] AF: You know they're making a sequel, right?

[0:46:07.1] CL: I also have a couple of friends that have done some of the flying in that and I’m not going to kid you, hand over heart, and I do not cry easily. I’m a Midwestern stoic through and through. When I saw the trailer to that, I got all sweaty and I thought I was going to cry, because I know the cinematography is going to be amazing. I’m a little scared to see the movie, because I don't want them to jack up a storyline, but I’m super stoked, because I know the cinematography is going to be amazing.

When you've lost a lot of friends in that industry, in flying and who gave their lives, I’m just excited for it, because it's an honorable way to serve your country and it's just – I hope it's cool. I wish they'd make a scratch-and-sniff movie version, because anybody should be able to have that feeling of smelling the sweat and the jet fuel and all that. It's fantastic.

[0:47:01.1] AF: Well, with VR these days, you never know. We might not be too far. Also, Tom Cruise doesn't really seem to age, so he'll look probably pretty similar than what he did in the original.

[0:47:11.1] CL: Right. Yeah, yeah. He doesn't seem to age. I’ll tell you what though and this may be a little bit too much information, but if there was a VR version, I don't know that I would see it, because I think I’d probably throw up. I think they would be too much, because my body would think it was there and it's not and it would get all – my brain would get discombobulated. I’d probably just see it in regular theater.

[0:47:30.9] AF: There you go. That's probably what I would do too. Have the normal experience.

[0:47:39.4] AF: This episode of the Science of Success is brought to you by our friends at LinkedIn Jobs. To post a healthcare or essential service job for free, or if you're in another industry and having hiring needs, visit linked.com/success. That’s linkedin.com/success.

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[0:49:16.7] AF: Carey, you've been super generous with your time. I want to let you go after one last question though. If you could give our audience one piece of homework, something preferably they could do this week to start changing their lives, what would that homework be?

[0:49:30.3] CL: Here's what I would do, I’m going to give you just a tiny piece of science. Duke University did a study a few years ago that followed Generation X kids. What they discovered was that your ability to concentrate and to focus and to ignore distractions is the biggest predictor of success.

Here is what I would ask people to take three minutes, five minutes and to sit down and really carefully consider and reflect on. What can you do right now that is under your span of control? When you shut down social media, when you shut down the news, what can you focus on that is under your span of control, that will make your world a little bit better, or your ability to affect a change, find a job, make a difference, be able to be innovative, what can you do? What can you look at that's under your span of control? Name three things that you actually actively can take action on and go do them.

[0:50:45.5] AF: That's incredible piece of homework. We usually end most shows asking that question, but I think especially right now and obviously, like you said multiple times, we're in the middle of pandemic and I think we started off talking about taking control of the things that you actually can control. I think I see it even in my family unit and the people I’m interacting with, but right now there's so many things going on in the world we cannot control and we’re cooped up and we're tired of it and we're all starved for human attention. But which can lead to some negative emotions popping up and lead to some anger, some sadness and depression.

Really taking the time to do this homework you've just given and sitting down and thinking about what you can control to affect some outcome, to innovate, to make a difference is just so, so crucial in life in the first place, but even more so now in the time we find ourselves.

[0:51:37.5] CL: I appreciate that and I will share with you. This comes from that advice is not an off the cuff, hopefully this will work. This comes from over a decade of coaching leaders and I’ve seen and myself. I’m seeing again and again that frustration and that resignation that comes with that feeling of being out of control. When all of the research that I’ve done and I’m actually working on a second book that is titled Span of Control. and I do not mean this to be gratuitous, or sales pitchy in any way. It is because I so firmly believe that the concept of span of control can be life-changing. How you can navigate overwhelming change, how do you focus on what matters and how do you deal with pressure?

I believe in it so much that I mean, I have a little tattoo on the inside of my wrist with those three letters. It's like an emblem, SOC for Span of Control. So that when everything is going completely sideways, when you feel overwhelmed, when you feel nothing you do matters, take a breath and trust that you can figure it out, that you are not the exception.

If you can focus on what you can control, you can make a difference and you can keep your sanity in the midst of all of this chaos and change. I mean, I’m right there with you and hopefully, that's a very easy tool, or accessible tool. I shouldn't say easy. That will allow people to think about, “Okay, how can I navigate this change? How can I focus on what matters?” Take a breath, you're going to be okay, I promise you.

[0:53:22.5] AF: I love it so much. Let me go ahead and extend the opportunity. Should you choose to come back on the show when the next book comes out, we'd love to have another round two with you. I think it's such an important topic we could easily spend an hour just focusing on that.

For those who want to learn more, for those the ones who learn about your work, learn about your past, possibly reach out to interact with you in some way, where can we go to find you, your work and learn more?

[0:53:45.8] CL: Oh, thank you. At careylohrenz.com. C-A-R-E-Y-L-O-H-R-E-N-Z. I’m on Twitter, I’m on Instagram a little bit. I mess around usually in stories, especially when I’m on the road. You can find me on LinkedIn. My book is available at all – Fearless Leadership is available at all major booksellers and/or Amazon. Order from an indie, they'll love you for that.

[0:54:08.1] AF: There you go. Thank you so much for your time. You've been very, very generous with it. Your story is absolutely incredible. You're a role model for so many out there and just thank you for all the work that you've done, that you're continuing to do and thank you for the time coming on the show. It was great to have you.

[0:54:23.4] CL: Oh, it's been a privilege. Thank you for the invitation. I really appreciate you and the work that you're doing and the message. It's so important. Thank you. I appreciate it.

[0:54:31.6] MB: Thank you so much for listening to the Science of Success. We created this show to help you our listeners, master evidence-based growth. I love hearing from listeners. If you want to reach out, share your story, or just say hi, shoot me an e-mail. My e-mail is matt@successpodcast.com. That’s M-A-T-T@successpodcast.com. I’d love to hear from you and I read and respond to every single listener e-mail.

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Thanks again, and we'll see you on the next episode of the Science of Success.

June 25, 2020 /Lace Gilger
Focus & Productivity
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(B) A Fireside Chat with Guy Kawasaki

June 16, 2020 by Lace Gilger in Focus & Productivity

In this episode, we are joined by Guy Kawasaki for a casual discussion - what we are calling a “fireside chat” where we touch on life, business, and success, and many stories from the trenches of scaling companies.

Guy is the chief evangelist of Canva, a brand ambassador for Mercedes-Benz and an executive fellow of the Haas School of Business at UC Berkeley. He was the chief evangelist of Apple and one of the Apple employees originally responsible for marketing their Macintosh computer line in 1984. He is also the author of Wise Guy, The Art of the Start 2.0, The Art of Social Media, and twelve other books.

  • The difference between thinkers, gurus, and podcasters vs DOERS

  • How to give a speech - 10 slides, 20 minutes, in 30 point font

  • “There’s no rocket science to being a DOER, you have to dive in."

  • Most investors and VC’s have not “done” - you should be a venture capitalist as your last job. 

  • When all the dust settles there are only 2 functions in a company - you gotta make it, and you gotta sell it. 

  • “Life is in the weeds."

  • The breakdown between big ideas and execution - how to we step into implementation?

  • “There was never a grand plan - the truth is that I just feel in love with stuff along the way."

  • “You can always hit the bullseye when you paint the bullseye retroactively on the wall."

  • VC Litmus Test

    • Proven Team

    • Proven Market

    • Proven Product 

  • Two conflicting truths

    • Quick to fail, pivot fast

    • Believe hard and stick it out

  • How do we improve the probability of success?

  • One of the richest veins for successful tech companies - a handful of founders making tech that they want to use, with no regard for the broader market. 

  • Sometimes you should hire people for things beyond just resume and background.

  • Does a lack of social skills correlate with success?

  • How do you “enable people to pay you back?"

  • If you’re gonna ask for something in return, you better really deliver for the person on the front end. 

  • Asking for someone to pay you back creates an upward spiral. 

  • Homework: Build the product that you would want to use. Never ask people to do something that you wouldn’t do. 

  • Homework: Hire people DIFFERENT than you. 

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Best Fiends is a 5-Star rated mobile puzzle game with over 100 million downloads. I’m not someone who is traditionally a mobile game person but I have to say I’m a HUGE fan of this game and it’s a great way to challenge yourself when you’re on the go, waiting in line, or doing some relaxing.

The games developers and team are constantly updating with new themes and levels so the game never gets old or less challenging. This really keeps you on your toes in a fun way as you need to utilize different characters and strategies in order to succeed. What may have gotten you to a certain point in most cases won’t get you to the next.

You’re constantly engaging your brain with fun puzzles and collecting tons of unique characters. Trust me, with over 100 millions downloads this 5-star rated mobile puzzle game is a must play. So check it out go to the Apple app store or Google Play store on your phone and download best fiends today and start playing.

The game is great, their team is great so go check it out now and start playing today, I’ll see you on the leaderboard! 

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Want To Dig In More?! - Here’s The Show Notes, Links, & Research

General

  • Guy’s Website

  • Guy’s Wiki Page

  • Guy’s LinkedIn, Facebook, and Twitter

  • Remarkable People Podcast

Media

  • Author Directory on Entrepreneur, AMEX Trends & Insights, Inc., Huffpost, and BigThink

  • GritDaily - Guy Kawasaki on Secular Evangelism, Working with Steve Jobs and Latest Book “Wise Guy” by Jeremy Ryan Slate

  • Thrive Global - “Author Guy Kawasaki Shares Some Of The Lessons He Learned Working With Steve Jobs” By Jason Hartman

  • CNBC Make It - “Guy Kawasaki: At Apple, ‘you had to prove yourself every day, or Steve Jobs got rid of you’” by Guy Kawasaki

  • The Balance Small Business - “Guy Kawasaki Explains The Art of the Start” by Scott Allen

  • Neil Patel Blog - The Guy Kawasaki Guide to Rocking Your Online Marketing

  • Online Geniuses - AMA with Guy Kawasaki @ Canva

  • Real Leaders - “Wise Guy – 5 Life Lessons From Guy Kawasaki” By Guy Kawasaki

  • Forbes - “Guy Kawasaki Shares His Most Important Career Lessons And Regrets (And His Take On Women In Tech)” by Kathy Caprino

  • Canva PR - Canva welcomes Guy Kawasaki as Chief Evangelist

  • Medium - “These 50 Guy Kawasaki Quotes Will Make You a Better Entrepreneur” by Richie Norton

  • [Podcast] Outside In with Charles Trevail - Guy Kawasaki: Evangelist in Chief

  • [Podcast] Hack the Entrepreneur - Guy Kawasaki on Understanding the Math of Success

Videos

  • Guy Kawasaki YouTube Channel

  • TEDxTalks - The art of innovation | Guy Kawasaki | TEDxBerkeley

    • Lessons of Steve Jobs: Guy Kawasaki at TEDxUCSD

    • TEDxHarkerSchool - Guy Kawasaki - The 12 Lessons I Learned from Steve Jobs

    • Wise Guy--Lessons from a Life | Guy Kawasaki | TEDxPaloAltoSalon

  • Berkeley Haas - Guy Kawasaki: The Top 10 Mistakes of Entrepreneurs

  • Silicon Valley Bank - 12 Lessons Steve Jobs Taught Guy Kawasaki

  • Robin Good - Guy Kawasaki 10-20-30 Presentation Rule

  • MITEnterpriseForum SanDiego - Guy Kawasaki: How to Use Social Media as an Evangelist for Your Business and Here's How I Did It!

  • Tech Talk With Anu - Anu Deshpande/Guy Kawasaki, Chief Evangelist, Canva - Episode 16

  • Evan Carmichael - Guy Kawasaki's Top 10 Rules For Success (@GuyKawasaki)

  • The TIA Channel - Keynote: It's About Meaning Not Money, Says Guy Kawasaki

  • Chase Jarvis - Guy Kawasaki | Chase Jarvis LIVE | ChaseJarvis

Books

  • Guy’s Visual Book Directory

  • Guy’s Amazon Author Page 

  • Wise Guy: Lessons from a Life by Guy Kawasaki

  • The Art of the Start 2.0: The Time-Tested, Battle-Hardened Guide for Anyone Starting Anything by Guy Kawasaki

  • The Art of Social Media: Power Tips for Power Users by Guy Kawasaki and Peg Fitzpatrick

  • APE: Author, Publisher, Entrepreneur—How to Publish a Book 1.0 Edition by Guy Kawasaki and Shawn Welch

  • Enchantment: The Art of Changing Hearts, Minds, and Actions by Guy Kawasaki

  • What the Plus!: Google+ for the Rest of Us by Guy Kawasaki

  • Reality Check: The Irreverent Guide to Outsmarting, Outmanaging, and Outmarketing Your Competition by Guy Kawasaki

  • Rules For Revolutionaries by Guy Kawasaki and Michele Moreno

  • Selling the Dream by Guy Kawasaki

  • The Macintosh Way by Guy Kawasaki

  • How to Drive Your Competition Crazy: Creating Disruption for Fun and Profit by Guy Kawasaki

  • Hindsights: The Wisdom and Breakthroughs of Remarkable People by Guy Kawasaki

  • The Computer Curmudgeon by Guy Kawasaki

  • Database 101 by Guy Kawasaki

Misc

  • Guy’s Udemy Class:  The Essential Guide to Entrepreneurship

  • Guy’s Skillshare Classes: Art of the Start: Turning Ideas Into High-Growth Businesses & Art of Growth: Sustainably Scale Your Business

Episode Transcript

[00:00:04.4] ANNOUNCER: Welcome to The Science of Success. Introducing your host, Matt Bodnar.

[0:00:12.0] MB: Hey, it’s Matt. I’m here in the studio with Austin and we’re excited to bring you another business episode of the Science of Success. We just launched Season 2 of our business episodes. If you want to learn more about what these are and why we’re doing them, be sure to check out the Season 2 teaser that we recently released. With that Austin, tell us a little bit about how these episodes are different than our traditional Science of Success episode.

[0:00:35.8] AF: Yeah. It's important to note that you're still going to get all the great content you've come to know and love from the Science of Success every Thursday. These are bonus episodes with added value, specifically centered around business. We've interviewed some true titans of business and multiple industries from multiple walks of life. What we're going to focus on are the habits, routines and mindsets that made them successful titans that they are today. That said, these are lessons, routines, stories, best practices that anyone can learn from and apply to their life. You don't have to be a business owner. You can be an employee. You can be a student, or you can of course be a business owner, but come check them out. You're going to come away with a ton of valuable takeaways, but we do have a bit of a business focus on these specific business episodes in Season 2.

[0:01:19.4] MB: With that, let's get into the episode.

Welcome to the Science of Success; the number one evidence-based growth podcast on the Internet with more than five million downloads and listeners in over a hundred countries.

In this episode, we're joined by Guy Kawasaki for a casual discussion what we're calling a fireside chat, where we touch on life, business, success and many stories from the trenches of building companies.

Are you a fan of the show and have you been enjoying the content that we put together for you? If you have, I would love it if you signed up for our e-mail list. We have some amazing content on there, along with a really great free course that we put a ton of time into called How To Create Time for What Matters Most In Your Life. If that sounds exciting and interesting and you want a bunch of other free goodies and giveaways along with that, just go to successpodcast.com. You can sign up right on the homepage. That’s successpodcast.com. Or if you’re on your phone right now, all you have to do is text the word smarter, that’s S-M-A-R-T-E-R to the number 44-222.

How do you stop being a victim, take responsibility and make your life the life you want it to be? In our previous episode, we uncovered the universal principles of success with one of the world's top success experts, Jack Canfield.

Now for our fireside chat with Guy.

Guy Kawasaki is the Chief Evangelist of Canva, a brand ambassador for Mercedes-Benz and an executive fellow at the Haas School of Business at UC Berkeley. He was the Chief Evangelist of Apple and one of the Apple employees originally responsible for marketing their Macintosh computer line back in 1984. He's also the author of Wise Guy, The Art of the Start 2.0, The Art of Social Media and 12 other books.

[0:03:10.6] MB: Today, we have another legendary guest on the show, Guy Kawasaki. Guy is the Chief Evangelist of Canva, a brand ambassador for Mercedes-Benz and an executive fellow of the Haas School of Business at UC Berkeley. He was one of the Chief Evangelists of Apple and one of the Apple employees originally responsible for marketing their Macintosh computer line in 1984. He is also the author of Wise Guy, The Art of the Start 2.0, The Art of Social Media and 12 other books. Guy, welcome to the Science of Success.

[0:03:41.7] GK: Thank you. Thank you for having me.

[0:03:43.7] MB: Well, we're so excited to have you on the show today. Obviously, you're a tremendously successful entrepreneur and you've done so many different things in the business world. It's truly an honor to have you on the show.

[0:03:54.6] GK: The honor is all mine. Yeah, at least it's mutual. How's that?

[0:04:00.3] MB: The funny thing is I know one of the new projects that you've kicked off is that you recently launched a podcast of yourself. Funny enough, I don't know if you went back and looked at some of the archives of previous guests we've had, but we actually have a common guest already; Phil Zimbardo.

[0:04:14.8] GK: Oh, really? Oh, cool.

[0:04:17.3] MB: Yeah, that's right. Such an interesting guy and I mean, truly one of the luminaries of psychology and such an important foundational piece of psychology research that really transformed.

[0:04:29.1] GK: I have him. I also have Steven Pinker now scheduled.

[0:04:33.7] MB: Oh, that's awesome.

[0:04:34.7] GK: Yeah, but wait. It gets better. This Thursday, I’m interviewing Andrew Yang.

[0:04:40.3] MB: Oh, that's amazing. You've had some incredible people on the show. I mean, you have what, seven or eight episodes now?

[0:04:46.2] GK: Not even. I have five. Since you're into psychology, you'll also know tonight's guest. Tonight's guess is Bob Cialdini.

[0:04:53.7] MB: Oh, of course. Yeah, he's a previous guest on the show as well.

[0:04:56.3] GK: Oh, so there are two. Yeah.

[0:04:57.9] MB: Nice. We'll probably have some more, I know. One of the things actually that I think really this might be incorrect, but seems like really motivated you to create your podcast and I’ve seen you talk about this in TED Talks and write about this in some of your work is one of the things I really respect and enjoy about a lot of your thinking around business is that many of the things that you talk about and share around starting companies and entrepreneurship are really about a lot of these things, like growth mindset and grit and all of these what I’ll call soft skills, or things that a lot of business literature, a lot of business speakers and thinkers never even mention, or touch on, or bring into the conversation.

[0:05:37.4] GK: Well, I have a theory why that's true. It's because so many of these thinkers, speakers, podcasters, they come at it from they are thinkers, speakers, podcasters and gurus. They're not doers. My direction is I’m a doer who has a podcast, as opposed to a podcaster who's interviewing doers. It's a very different orientation.

When a podcaster or a guru says, “Well, you need to have vision and passion,” and everybody writes that down, that's like a, “Duh.” I’m like, “Oh, thank you God for telling me I need vision and passion. I thought I needed other things.” I think a lot of this stuff is just total bullshit. After you write it down, a week later you go back and you say, “Well, okay. So now what?” The nature of my writing and my information and hopefully my podcast is not you need vision and passion. It's more like, well, you need 10 slides and you need to be able to give those 10 slides in 20 minutes and your smallest font is 30 points. Now that is actionable.

[0:06:56.5] MB: I really like that. That's a 10-20-30. 10 slides, 20 minutes, 30 point font.

[0:07:01.4] GK: There's no BS there, right? You're either 10-20-30 or you're not. It's not about oh, yeah. No entrepreneur ever said, “I’m not passionate. I don't believe. I don't work hard.” Everybody says that. It's meaningless.

[0:07:14.7] MB: I totally agree. There's so many platitudes out there in the business world and all the content that we see. Let's come back to this thing you talked about a second ago, this idea of being a doer. Tell me more. What does it mean to be a doer and how can we step more into doing and to taking action?

[0:07:31.6] GK: I don't think there's any rocket science there. I mean, you just have to dive in. You have to start companies. You have to ship products. I think that's one of the fundamental flaws of most venture capitalists and most venture capitalists are not or have not done. Many young people ask me, “So how do I become a venture capitalist? How do I join that career?” The answer is you should be a venture capitalist as the last job before you die, as opposed to the first job.

A good venture capitalist will have been there and done that and can actually advise from a position of experience. If you went to Yale as an undergraduate, went to Wharton for your MBA, worked at Goldman Sachs and now you're a venture capitalist. Where along in your career did you ever have to pitch a company, finish a product, introduce a product, beg for distribution, beg for sale, pray to the Apple Gods that your app is approved? Where in that Goldman Sachs, Wharton, Yale history of yours did you ever have to do any of that? Now you're going to be a venture capitalist and you're going to tell other people like you how to do it? I don't think so.

[0:08:49.8] MB: Such a good perspective. For someone who has that trajectory and they want to start to really build the specialized skills of shipping, of selling, etc., what of those skills would you say in your experience, and you have a tremendous background, would be the most valuable skill set? Do you think it's selling? Do you think it's shipping a product? Where across that would you focus?

[0:09:13.4] GK: When all the dust settles, a startup, there's only two functions. You got to make it and you got to sell it. That's it. If you are an engineer, then you have to find someone who can sell. If you can sell, you need to find an engineer to make. I mean, that describes Steve Wozniak and Steve Jobs. Either one of them without the other could not have succeeded. It comes down to those two skills. If you look around the room and there's not somebody to make it and somebody to sell it, well you don't belong in the room.

[0:09:50.6] MB: Yeah. Such a crystal clear distinction and really cuts through a lot of the BS that we hear about businesses. You're either on the making side or the selling side, right? You got to figure out how to really dig into the weeds on either one of those.

[0:10:04.7] GK: That's it, because life is in the weeds. I had a discussion today with an entrepreneur and she wanted to discuss, “Oh, the pillars of our company; sustainability and quality and this stuff,” which I don't disagree with. I’m not saying well, you should have low-quality, you should have sucky design and you should be socially irresponsible. That's not what I’m saying. I’m saying that when somebody gets up in the morning, I don't think they're saying to themselves, “Geez, if I just could find a socially responsible app to manage my time, or if I could find a socially responsible skateboard.” I don't think that's what goes through people's minds.

[0:10:47.6] MB: Definitely not.

[0:10:49.2] GK: It doesn't go through my mind, I’ll tell you that.

[0:10:51.4] MB: The upshot of that is that we really have to think about and frame when we're selling within what actually makes sense for whoever the end user is, who the buyer is. They're not thinking about it.

[0:11:04.4] GK: It's a matter of prioritization, right? Think something, you're starting a t-shirt business and you have great design t-shirts. That to me is 95% of the battle. Now if you have a great design t-shirt and you have a sustainable model that it uses hemp, or I don't know what it uses, eco-friendly dyes and all that. When somebody walks into the surf shop or the skateboard shop and sees your t-shirt, the first question is going to be, “Is it cool?” Not, “Are the dyes ecologically responsible?”

Again, I want to make this crystal clear. I’m not saying you should pollute the earth. I’m saying that you got to think about the customers’ unconscious or conscious top priorities. Everything else after that is cream.

[0:11:56.9] MB: That's a great example coming back to the quote you said earlier, I thought was so profound and yet really simple is this quote that life is in the weeds. So often, especially when you're thinking about starting a business or something like that, you create these big ideas and these pillars and all of this strategy and yet, really most often when a company or startup struggles or fails because there's a massive breakdown between the big idea and the execution or the strategy and the implementation.

[0:12:28.5] GK: I’m about to publish the interview with Steve Wozniak of Apple for my podcast. From the outside looking in in 2020, you could say, “Wow, the founders of Apple had a vision where they're going to have a personal computer that empowers people and then there'll be a handheld device, there'll be a phone, there'll be a music player and there'll be a tablet, there’ll be retail distribution, there’ll be an app store.” They had this vision of how they’re going to grow the company and achieve worldwide domination.

Well, nothing could be further than the truth. I mean, Woz fell in love with making computers, HP rejected the idea five times. He went to the Homebrew computing company and they loved all the fact that you can now do something with a computer. You didn’t have to work for NASA. The first order was something like $50,000 for Apple-1’s. I mean, that’s the nature.

Now 25 years later, you can reinvent history, especially if you're Apple and you can say, “Yeah, we always had this idea for this total ecosystem and all that.” God bless you. You can reinterpret history. Let's be honest. At the start, it's two guys in a garage, two gals in a garage, a guy and a gal in a garage. They're making something cool, or neat, or necessary, or fun. They don't have these grandiose plans.

[0:14:01.3] AF: What's up, everybody? This is Austin Fable, producer and co-host of the Science of Success. This episode of the science of success is brought to you by the mobile app Best Fiends. That's best friends, but without the R. Best Fiends is honestly one of the best mobile games I've ever played. If you're looking for a truly fun and engaging way to pass the time while enjoying a great story, some awesome visuals, Best Fiends is absolutely for you.

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[0:15:43.5] MB: In the companies that you've worked with and you just shared an example from Apple, how have you seen people successfully start to step into execution and really bridge that gap between the grandiose vision that you see in the pitch deck and what the actual on-the-ground activities of the business look like?

[0:16:03.8] GK: Well, first of all, I don't think you should have a grandiose idea in the pitch deck. If you were pitching Apple, you would say, “We want to make a personal computer,” as opposed to, “We want to what? Revolutionize the Information Age?” Listen, after you’re a trillion dollar company, hallelujah. Say that you wanted to revolutionize the Information Age. But when you're trying to raise your first million bucks trying to make a computer, you're trying to sell cool t-shirts, you're trying to enable people to make graphics online, like Canva, that's what you're trying to do. Don't put grand visions in your pitch there. You will lose credibility.

[0:16:38.8] MB: Great insight. I want to come back to your journey at Apple, because it's such an amazing story. It's such a fantastic time and place and in the history of our society in many ways have been – it’s a incredibly novel event and experience. For you personally, what was the inflection point in your career that you went from being average Guy to Guy Kawasaki?

[0:17:05.6] GK: First of all, I hardly put myself into the category I think you just put me in. In my estimation, the people who are that lofty are maybe Walt Disney, Steve Jobs, Thomas Edison, Elon Musk. That's four. I would be hard-pressed to come up with many more. I'm not in that category. I just told somebody the other day. It's funny. Now I have this podcast called Remarkable People and I have people like Margaret Atwood, Jane Goodall, Wozniak, Andrew Yang is going to be later this week. I have people like that quality. All of a sudden, as my podcast is getting more popular, the funniest thing is happening, which is people are saying, “You know, I listened to your pocket with Jane Goodall and I think I'm remarkable too. Can I be on your podcast?”

This is not Richard Branson asking this question, okay. This is Joe Blow from Blow Industries who wrote the Blow Away, self-published by Blow Publishing. I don't even know what to say. I mean, for someone to think that they are in the category of Jane Goodall, or Margaret Atwood, or Steve Wozniak, you  know the old saying that you wouldn't want the club that would have you? You ask the question, when did I tip and become this amazing person? It's not clear to me that I've tipped.

I don't consider myself remarkable enough to be on the Remarkable People Podcast, except as the host, as a post-guest, okay? There has not been that event. One could make the case for me that I was successful, invisible, evangelizing Macintosh. This is back in the 80s. Very sarcastically, perhaps for even realistically, I am living proof that if you do one thing right, you can coast for a long time.

[0:19:05.3] MB: That's a great perspective. I mean, you've obviously done, in many ways, you did a tremendous job of leveraging your experience at Apple and taking that to a much larger stage. How did you, even especially after you left Apple, how did you think about the transition from that and how did you capitalize on your experience there to get springboard?

[0:19:26.6] GK: You might not want to actually publish this podcast after I tell you all these things.

[0:19:31.2] MB: Oh, we want the nitty-gritty stuff.

[0:19:32.6] GK: Okay. I will tell you the nitty-gritty. There was never a grand plan. It's not like I had this architecture and vision for my career that said, “Okay. You're going to start off in Hawaii. You're going to get into Stanford. From Stanford, you're going to meet somebody and because of nepotism, he's going to give you a job at Apple not because you're qualified. Oh and by the way, before you join Apple because of nepotism, you're going to spend a time in law school where you drop out and then you're going to go get an MBA. While you're getting an MBA, you're going to work for a jewelry manufacturer schlepping gold and diamonds and that's going to prepare you for your Apple evangelism career.” That's a major disconnect right there.

“Then now that you're in Apple, you're going to leverage your visibility at Apple as an evangelist to become a tech entrepreneur. Once you become a tech entrepreneur, then you're going to become a writer and a speaker and then you're going to go back and try to become a venture capitalist and then you're going to do some more tech entrepreneurship and then you're going to do more writing and speaking. Then some people from Sydney, Australia are going to reach out to you out of the blue because they saw you using their product and they're going to ask you to join Canva. Because you're omniscient and omnipotent, you knew that Canva would be a success and today Canva is one of two or three Australian unicorns. You knew that was going to happen, so you pick Canva.”

If you want to believe that's the trajectory of my life, God bless you. The truth is I just fell in love with stuff along the way. I fell in love with Macintosh. I was desperate for spending cash when I was at UCLA, so I started counting golden diamonds. Then nepotism, I got hired at Apple and I fell in love with the database and I got pissed off at Apple, so I left Apple to start a database company. Then I fell in love with social media. Along the way, I got frustrated so I wrote a book that was cathartic. Then these people reached out to me via Twitter about Canva. Then I wrote a book called Wise Guy. In my interviews with Wise Guy, where I was the interviewee, as opposed to the interviewer, I talked to many people who ran business podcasts.

I said, “So what's your model?” They said, “Well, my model is I sail six ads per podcast. Two in the front, two in the middle, two in behind.” I said, “Okay. How much do you make per ad?” He said, “Well, the one at the beginning 15 to 20. The one in the middle 10 to 15. The one at the end, 5.” I'm doing the math and I said, “Okay. There's 15 and 15, 10 and 10, 5 and 5.” We're talking 40, 50 grand. I said, “You're telling me you're making 50 grand per episode times 52 episode, you're doing 2 and a half million a year?” They said, “Well, yeah. Kind of.” I said, “Why am I writing books? I should be a podcaster.” “God bless you. I hope you get that numbers too.” I don't have those numbers hitting podcasting. I don't have any revenue from podcasting yet.

I'm trying to tell you that I fell in love, because I love the medium. Unlike a book; you work on a book for a year, it takes another year to get it published. Two years later, you have something that's static. You get one advanced. If you're really lucky, you might get more than the advance, but most likely you only get the advance. For two years you work and you get your advance.

Or with podcasting, I mean, you can sell advertising 52 times a year, every year. Like two years ago, would I have written a book that included an interview with Andrew Yang? I don't think so. Who was Andrew Yang two years ago? With podcasting, I'm going to interview him on Thursday, the podcast will be out next Tuesday. What can you turn around that fast? I'm giving this 15-minute explanation of why there was no plan to my career. I just fell in love with stuff and did it.

[0:23:36.6] MB: Well, I think that's a really important lesson, right? Many people think that there's a grand plan, or there's a narrative, but the truth is and Steve Jobs said this in his famous commencement speech that the dots only makes sense in reverse. You can only connect them looking back. The lesson of that is fall in love with things and pursue them and find what's interesting to you and spend time on it.

[0:23:57.8] GK: Yeah, but to be fair, the career strategy of get lucky is not exactly too useful. I think in Silicon Valley, the way we work is we throw a lot of stuff up against the wall. A few of them stick, then we go up to the wall and we paint the bullseye around that and we declare victory. We say, “Oh, I hit the bull's eye.” You can always hit the bull's eye if you paint the bullseye after you see what's stuck in the wall.

Listen, when Canva has a liquidity event, knock on wood, it'll be highly successful and I'll make a boatload of money. I'm going to retroactively tell the story that I knew Canva would be successful. I knew. I knew it. I knew the team was good. I knew the market was good. I knew the technology was good. The truth is they reached out to me and I got lucky.

[0:24:49.7] MB: Do you think that people can manufacture their own luck?

[0:24:53.0] GK: Depends how you define the word manufacture. Let's take the case of Canva. Lots of factors happen there. One is my social media person was using Canva. Thank God, I had a social media person who knew what she was doing, who had the good sense and judgment and taste to use Canva. What do you call that? You call that luck or skill in having a good social media person, recognizing talent?

Then I had to be open enough where if you use the traditional test, you'd say, “Well, is this a proven team? The Canva team six years ago, not proven. Was it a proven market? No. Was there proven technology? No. Were there a huge competitor that could scare the crap out of you? Yes, Adobe. If you look at all of those things, you would’ve said, “There's no way you should do Canva.” Yet, here we are. I think as I get older, I’ve come to the belief that it's better to be lucky than smart.

[0:25:52.4] MB: Very interesting. The flip side of that though is that Canva didn't reach out to me and asked me to be their chief brand evangelist. Through serendipity, through hard work, through random chance, through a combination of all those things you built a platform over time that made you an attractive candidate for that.

[0:26:11.2] GK: Yes, that is true. I don't want you to think that 20 or 30 years I sat down and I said, “I have to make myself into a brand and be visible, so that opportunities will find me.” Maybe some people are that cogent and smart, but not me. I just did what I had to do to make a living and enjoy myself.

[0:26:34.5] MB: I think there's some really interesting lessons that come out of that. It's a great perspective and it's contra to a lot of what you hear people talking about and sharing.

[0:26:42.6] GK: One of the dangers, I will tell you about listening to a podcast like this with a person like me, but really any podcast with any person is it's very tricky to understand the difference between a good story and the truth and probability and whatever, right? To give you a very cogent choice that many entrepreneurs have to pick, there's two streams of thought. One is you're quick to fail, you pivot fast. The other theory is you believe and you gut it out. People tell you, it'll never work, it can't be done, but you believe that you stuck it out. Or you try this, it didn’t work, you pivot it quickly.

Now those two things are 180 degrees apart. Which one is the right way? Well, it depends on which story you heard, right? It's very difficult to do anything scientific, where you're controlling all the variables and testing a hypothesis. Equal T, equal technology, equal market, equal everything, one team pivots, one team sticks it out, let's see what happens. You cannot conduct that experiment.

I just caution listeners of this podcast and really any podcast is don't believe that a good story is necessarily scientifically sound. On the other hand, every once in a while there is a Black Swan. There is a unicorn. It happens. Just be cognizant of the difference between correlation and causation and the self-selection. You only hear about successful people on podcast, because guess what? People like you don't ask failures to come on your podcast.

[0:28:36.9] MB: Again, I think that's such an interesting take on it and the survivorship bias is obviously true. There's so many factors out there when you're trying to evaluate why was someone successful. How did they achieve what they achieve? Was it luck? Was it skill? Was it chance? Was it hard work? I mean, in many ways, all of these questions and thoughts have formed the foundation for this podcast. That's why we embarked on the journey and tried to figure out if we look across a wide array of phenomenon, everything from athletics, to neuroscience, to psychology, to business, can we pull out some commonalities? Can we find a few threads that in some ways, even in hindsight, connect the dots? Is science a perfect guide? Certainly not. I try to get the ground as firm as I can get it to take another step and then figure out where the next step is going to go from there.

[0:29:28.8] GK: I think I can offer some insights in how to at least improve the probability of success. I think that one of the richest veins for successful tech companies is a guy, a gal, two guys, two gals, a guy and a gal who are making the product that they want to use without any indication that it's any more than those people who want to use it. Now that sounds completely anti-MBA market research, etc., etc. I realize what I’m saying.

I think if you look at history, that's one of the richest veins that two people created something they wanted to use and come to find out they weren't the only two people. You could make the case that that describes Apple. That is very different from, or let's read the latest edition of Wired and Wired says, “The Internet of Things will be big, so let's go make an Internet of Things company.”

I also think that in terms of hiring people and finding people, the common wisdom is you look for people with the relevant work experience and the relevant educational degree. I would make the case that if you do that, you're going to shut yourself off from some of the most talented people in the world, who on paper don't have a PhD from Yale or Carnegie, Mellon or Stanford, haven't worked in the industry, aren't so-called proven. I think you look for people who get it and love it and want to dent the universe and want to change history and want to create a device they want to use. That should be at least a third quality. If you were to ask me, will stack rank the qualities? Let's call that quality in general passion, or love of what you do. I would rank that above education and work experience.

[0:31:30.8] MB: Both of those are great pieces of advice. Obviously, you have come from the trenches of many Silicon Valley startups and seen what has really worked, what hasn't worked. I’m curious, do you think that for example, the two founders, or handful of founders building something for themselves, do you think that there's almost a selection bias inherent in that model in the sense that a number of massively successful companies have followed that, but maybe the proportion of companies that pursue that that succeed might actually be lower than the companies that would say, or the cold capitalist MBAs that go after whatever the hot new market segment is?

[0:32:10.4] GK: If I had the bandwidth, you could probably test that theory. I don't know the answer to that theory. This gets back to what I said a few minutes ago. If you look at Silicon Valley, or you say well, two guys started Apple, two guys started Google, two guys started Yahoo, we're seeing a pattern here. Not that it's two men, because I wish that were true. I wish I could cite as many examples of two women starting. It's not the gender necessarily, as much as it's two people, one maker, one seller, creating the product they want to use, they were an unproven team in an unproven market with an unproven technology.

Besides that, it was guaranteed that they would succeed and that's the richest vein. I’m not saying it's a 100% vein, but I think for entrepreneurships or entrepreneurship, it's all about increasing the probability. I’m not suggesting you just randomly drill a hole wherever you can.

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Go check them out today. Brilliant is giving away 20% off their premium annual subscription to our first 200 listeners, to go to www.brilliant.org/scienceofsuccess. Go today get started. Again, that's www.brilliant.org/scienceofsuccess.

[0:34:47.9] MB: Coming back to one of the opposing mental models that you shared earlier on, whether we should pivot quickly or whether we should stick it out and be die-hard believers, where do you fall on that spectrum and where have you seen companies be the most successful?

[0:34:47.9] GK: I am completely confused by what one should do, because for every example of one, I can find another example. A mini-example, when Apple started the Apple Retail Store, every expert in the world said there's no freaking way that Apple can be successful paying those shopping mall rents for a single product company, or a single brand company. Apple believed and stuck it out and here we are today.

On the other hand, Google started as a IT consulting company, not a search engine. That's an example of pivoting. I don't know if there's a right answer that you should pivot or you should stick it out. The only way you're going to know is experimentation. The problem is that you and I are only going to hear about the successes. That's going to color our judgment. It could be that the only company that ever pivoted succeeded, so why are we telling everybody, “Well, look at that company. See why pivoting is the right way to go?”

[0:36:06.8] MB: I really like the point about embracing experimentation and figuring things out. To me, even you cited earlier Thomas Edison as an example of a truly luminary thinker and achiever. One of my favorite psychology studies is the research from Dean Keith Simonton that Adam Grant really popularized in the book Originals, around the output of creatives and it comes back to what you said earlier about how startups and successful startups in Silicon Valley really are just throwing things against the wall and then painting the bull's eye afterwards.

In many ways, a lot of the research around whether its patent grants, or musical compositions, or famous art, the most successful, most well-known, most eminent creators is the term they use in the research, were people who had an insane amount of output; thousands or tens of thousands of pieces of work. A handful of those happen to be really successful. Even amongst those great creators, another really interesting thing that I found was that they didn't have any ability to foresee in advance whether their work would be the success.

Even if they hit a homerun, even a Mozart would put out a piece and say, “This is my magnum opus,” and then it would flop and he would have some composition he wrote in 15 minutes that was a throwaway that ended up becoming a masterpiece.

[0:37:23.0] GK: Well, and it could also take a hundred years before the masterpiece is recognized, right?

[0:37:27.1] MB: That's totally true.

[0:37:28.6] GK: I thought of another thing. I thought of another indicator of the potential for success, which is poor social skills. I would make the case that entrepreneurs who are not the shuck and jive popular high school quarterback, prom queen are the successful ones. I think it's the nerds with dyslexia, ADHD and Asperger's who build great companies.

Another thing you could look for is that they come from poor families. I think there's a logic to be said that the great companies are started by first or second-generation immigrants. By the time you get to the third or fourth generation, those people are silver platter kids. I’m not saying that I’m not guilty of this, okay? I’m just telling you that if you look at it, well the first or second generation are the ones who've really built the business. By the third generation, they were in the right preschool, they were right in the private school, they were choosing between Harvard, Dartmouth, Yale and Brown and then they were choosing between Carnegie Mellon and University of Chicago and Wharton for their MBA. Then they had offers from Goldman Sachs, and JP Morgan and Morgan Stanley and Accenture and McKinsey. That's the third and fourth generation.

I guess I’m telling you to look for the downtrodden masses who are socially not as accepted. Having said all that, one of the ramifications of today's political system is it's completely geared against preventing those immigrants, which is going to bite us in the ass.

[0:39:20.2] MB: I want to change gears a little bit and come back to something that you said in a TED Talk of yours that I found really interesting that I wanted to explore a little bit more, which was the idea of enabling people to pay you back. Tell me a little bit more about that, because I thought it was really insightful.

[0:39:36.7] GK: Well first of all, that idea, I stole from Bob Cialdini. I want to give credit where credit is due. Bob Cialdini’s theory is that society is built upon reciprocation. I don't mean the quid pro quo, tit-for-tat, you find dirt on Biden, I’ll send you military aid. I’m not talking about that reciprocation. I’m talking about karmic, good, do good in advance, you show appreciation reciprocation.

A lot of people believe that the ultimate form of the highroad is you did a favor for me, I want to thank you and that's it. Then the person you're thanking says, “Oh, yeah. You're welcome, but forget about it. There’s no problem. It was my pleasure.” That's not the optimal situation. The optimal situation is the person that has received the favor tells you how to pay you back, so that you can pay the person back, clear the decks and then you can do more for each other.

Here's a real-world example. Let's say that you thank me for appearing on your podcast. I say, “Hey, no problem. It was only an hour. I enjoyed myself. It was a good opportunity for me too.” Okay, that's one answer. The better answer is, “You know what? Yeah. I was glad to be on there. I hope I provided information for your listeners. By the way, I just started my podcast. How about in your podcast, you tell people to listen to my podcast.” That's a better answer. It's a better answer for me, because well obviously, I get more promotion. It's a better answer for you too, because now you can say, “Huh, I can help Guy back.” Then the next time you contact me I’ll say, “Huh, that guy reciprocated. I should help him again.”

[0:41:29.5] MB: I love that. Yeah, starting off a positive chain of reciprocal helping each other. It reminds me of, I don't know if you've ever heard of kidney chains, or when people go to a coffee shop and they buy the coffee for the person in front of them and then a similar, creates a chain of positive sentiment and paying it forward essentially.

[0:41:48.6] GK: I like that theory. I think it's a very cute story, but that's not exactly what I’m saying. I’m saying that if somebody does something for you, it's okay for you to tell them how to pay you back. You are doing them a favor. That's different than I buy coffee for the next person in the Starbucks line.

[0:42:08.4] MB: Yeah. I totally get what you're saying. I think that's a great perspective. In many ways, I feel in our society, it's so hard to ask, right? To ask for a favor, to ask for something. There's almost a little bit of a social taboo against doing that. How have you pushed yourself through that, or made it so been able to get yourself to ask for something when the social convention prevents you from doing that?

[0:42:31.1] GK: Sometimes it drives my wife crazy that I do this, but I don't know. I mean, I’ve never had somebody say, “How dare you ask?” I’ll tell you one thing one, of the ramifications of having this attitude is that if you know you're going to tell the person how to pay you back, I think it encourages you to help more at the front, because if you're going to ask for something in return, then you say, “I know I’m going to ask for something in return. I better really deliver now.” Maybe it's an upward spiral. It makes everything better. You do more, you get more.

Let's paint the other position, right? Let's say that you never listen to this podcast, it's never occurred to you to tell people how to pay you back. You're sitting there and you're a zero-sum game, closed mindset, a non-growth mindset. You think, “Huh, why should I do this asshole a favor? I mean, I’m never going to get anything back. It's never going to help me.” Or you can say, “Hey, I’m going to ask them to help me so sheez, I should do something really great for him, so he does something really great for me.” I mean, you could say I’m being manipulative and all that, but I don't know. I mean, I’ve developed a lot of close relationships because of that attitude, I have to tell you.

[0:43:53.5] MB: I think categorizing it as an upward spiral is a really thoughtful way to think about it. I also really like the perspective of if you know you're going to ask for something on the back-end, it really drives you to make sure you're delivering as much value as possible in the front-end.

[0:44:08.4] GK: Yeah. I mean, I think that's a good outcome.

[0:44:11.5] MB: That's a great outcome.

[0:44:13.0] GK: Canva has broader terms as customer service. If you know you're going to ask for something back, you probably would do something good in the front. I don't have a problem with that. I hope that's the worst thing people ever figure out.

[0:44:25.4] MB: For somebody who's listened to this conversation and maybe either an entrepreneur, an aspiring entrepreneur, what would be one piece of homework that you would give them as an action step to implement some of the things that we've talked about today?

[0:44:40.8] GK: Is this person who's listening an entrepreneur in a startup? Who is this person?

[0:44:47.1] MB: Yeah, I would say either somebody who wants to become an entrepreneur, or someone who's maybe early in their career and has just started a company, or has an early stage company and is looking to grow it.

[0:44:59.5] GK: Number one, consider the development philosophy you're building the product that you want to use. I think that's as I said, the richest vein, I would be very susceptible where you're saying, “I’m going to build a product that I would never buy.” I can't wrap my mind around that. “I’m going to help Canva create a product I would never use.” How can you evangelize something that you know you wouldn't use?

Build something that you would use, or even better, you would love. I also think that you should never ask people to do something that you would not do. If you're saying, “Well, we have a free product, but you have to give us 25 fields of information and your credit card number, just so we can verify your identity.” Who among us would do that for something free? Don't ask anybody to do that.

When I go to a website and they say, “Well, you got 30-day free trial, but give us your credit card now.” It's like, “Oh, God. You‘re telling me I’m going to give you my credit card now, on the 31st day you're going to bill me and then you're going to make it impossible for me to get the refund and to stop your billing.” I have to report the card lost. A third piece of advice is you should hire people who are different from you, not the same. If you're all male, white, tall, Ivy league-educated from trust funds in your company, you are going to fail. You need people who are from different walks of life, different perspectives, different experiences, somebody's good at making, somebody's good at selling. There should be a great deal of heterogeneity in a company, not homogeneity.

[0:46:43.0] MB: Great advice. Really, really good perspective. For listeners who want to find out more about you, about the awesome new podcast that you just released and all the exciting people on there, where can people find you and your work online?

[0:46:56.3] GK: Guykawasaki.com is where much of the information about me is, but that's brochure ware. If you really want to find out on a very personal, non-professional level what I’m doing, it's Instagram. If you really want to find out what I’m feeling passionate about and right now I’m highly political, it’s LinkedIn. If you want to tap into my ability to connect to people and get them to do interviews, which I don't know how I do it, but somehow I’ve done it, and to find interesting people, then my podcast. I would say the bulk of my intellectual effort right now is my podcast. For that, people should go to remarkablepeople.com.

[0:47:46.6] MB: Awesome. Well, Guy. Thank you so much for coming on the show, for sharing your story and all of this wisdom. It's been a great conversation. Thank you have a good one.

[0:47:55.4] GK: Bye.

[0:47:56.0] MB: Bye.

[0:47:57.1] MB: Thank you so much for listening to the Science of Success. We created this show to help you our listeners, master evidence-based growth. I love hearing from listeners. If you want to reach out, share your story, or just say hi, shoot me an e-mail. My e-mail is matt@successpodcast.com. That’s M-A-T-T@successpodcast.com. I’d love to hear from you and I read and respond to every single listener e-mail.

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Thanks again, and we'll see you on the next episode of the Science of Success.

June 16, 2020 /Lace Gilger
Focus & Productivity
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Create The Habits You Need To Succeed with James Clear

May 28, 2020 by Lace Gilger in Focus & Productivity

In this episode, we show you exactly how to build the habits and routines you need to succeed, break down what makes powerful habits, and share how to stay motivated and productive no matter what happens with our guest James Clear.

James is an American author, entrepreneur, and photographer. His personal blog, jamesclear.com has over 400,000 email subscribers. Since his last visit to the show, his first book Atomic Habits has gone on to sell over 1 million copies worldwide. James’s work focuses primarily on habits and human potential looking to answer the question “How can we live better?” by focusing on science-backed methods. James’s work has been featured in The New York Times, CBS, Forbes, and more. 

  • 3 Pillars influence your outcomes in life

    • Luck

    • Decisions/Choices

    • Habits

  • Only 2 of those are under your control

  • The two big levers you have to control your life are your STRATEGY (your decisions) and your ACTIONS (your habits)

  • Your choices and decisions are like potential energy.. the create the options available to you.. and your habits allow you to capture that energy or potential.

  • Killer habits may create better outcomes than someone with a better strategy. 

  • Combining amazing decisions with killer habits creates a compounded effect of positive outcomes 

  • Your efforts set your floor of the results and your strategy sets your ceiling.

  • You need both decision making (strategy) and great habits. Without one or the other, you don’t go anywhere. 

  • The world is evolving.. and the world is uncertain. It’s impossible to map all the potential outcomes or options ahead of time. 

  • Strategy is something that emerges over time, not something set in stone ahead of time. 

  • There is a certain wisdom that comes from experimentation.

  • The way to get to the best plan is to iterate a lot… get information.. and craft a better strategy.

  • Mental models like second-order thinking.. inversion.. etc are valuable tools. 

  • Mental models are simply a way of looking at the world or viewing the world. 

    • The best mental models are predictive, not explanatory.

    • Close to the truth

    • Widely applicable

  • If you want to make a decision about the future, data is not enough, you also need a theory to guide your actions and your behavior.

    • Those THEORIES are mental models.

  • There is no full resolution perspective on reality.. everything has to be explained to some degree.. and by definition, it's simplified. 

  • Mental models are like different pairs of glasses.. that show you different aspects of reality. 

  • Once you’ve learned an idea.. you use it automatically when it becomes relevant. 

  • Find the best most useful ideas that the world has to offer. Then learn them so completely that you can use them automatically when you need them.. so that they become part of your worldview.

  • The one thing that’s left to do is to find and integrate the best mental models.. the best habit around mental models is just to READ a TON.

    • Finding

    • Filtering

    • Reflection & Reviewing

  • You have to make contact with ideas repeatedly is the best way to internalize them 

  • Motivation is a fluctuating resource. 

  • The more that your habits rely on motivation, the more you become beholden to how you feel at any given moment, rather than building stable habits. 

  • Don’t make motivation the bottleneck. It’s like building your habits on quicksand. 

  • Simple habits to avoid needing motivation:

    • Design your environment to make good habits easier. Make it easy for your attention to slide into what you want to do. 

    • If you want a habit to be a big part of your life, make it a big part of your environment. 

    • You don’t need motivation.. you need CLARITY. Have extreme clarity around when and where the behavior lives in your life. 

    • Implementation Intentions are a cornerstone of this

      • I will perform X in this place at this time. 

    • Over 100 studies have shown that implementation intentions can make your 2-3x more likely to perform the habits you want to perform. 

  • Focus on systems/processes rather than goals. 

    • Build a system that makes that habit more likely. 

    • Design an environment that makes it more conductive. 

    • Develop a clear plan to execute on it. 

    • You want 10-15 things all nudging you in the right direction. 

  • Process over outcome, system over goal. 

  • Your goal is your desired outcome, your system is the collection of daily habits that you follow. 

  • Your current habits are perfectly designed to deliver your current results. 

  • Where you are right now is a PRODUCT of the system you’ve been running recently. Your outcomes are a LAGGING MEASURE of your habits. Everything in your life is a lagging measure of your habits. 

  • We so badly want the results to change, but the outcomes aren’t the problem. If you fix the inputs then the outcomes will fix themselves. 

  • Focus on the trajectory you’re on, not the current position you’re on. 

    • Try to get 1% better every day.

  • Every outcome is just a point on a spectrum of repetitions. Outcomes become a natural point on the journey, not an endpoint. 

  • If you see someone crushing some heavy reps at the weight.. ask yourself.. how many reps have they done in their personal workout history?

  • Most people refer to these things as “Goals” or “Milestones” but you should view them as a natural byproduct of putting the reps in. Putting the work in.

  • This concept is really powerful because it simultaneously creates a bias towards action, and creates the patience to realize that the result won’t happen right away. 

  • “You’re not good enough to be disappointed yet."

    • You haven’t put enough reps int to be unhappy yet. 

    • The master has failed more times than the beginner has even tried. 

  • You have to give your GOALS a space to live in your calendar. 

  • There’s no way to perfectly know that you’re going to stick to a habit every day or not. 

  • Make as many moves as possible to stack the odds in your favor. It’s not absolute, it’s a game of probabilities. You’re aiming for 1000 strategies each giving you a 1% probability of moving towards your goal. “Probability stacking."

  • Habit trackers and checking in on your goals every day is a great way to increase the probability of hitting your goals. 

  • Having a streak is really motivating.. but sometimes a streak ends. The process of breaking a streak is demotivating. 

  • It’s never the first mistake that ruins you, it’s the spiral of repeated mistakes that follows that. 

  • You don’t need to be perfect, but you have to be perfect to self-correct and recover. 

  • The people who interrupt the compounding of their habits the least are the ones who end up with the biggest gains. 

  • Build a lifestyle of consistency.

  • How do you think about figuring out WHAT The right REPS ARE? 

  • How do you know where to focus? What habits should you start with?

    • Reverse engineering

    • Imitation

    • Best Practices

    • Look at people who’ve achieved what you want or done similar things, and use that as a starting place and try to emulate what you can

    • Or you can also use the Elon Musk “first principles” thinking methodology

    • It’s much easier to figure out if something is working after you’ve tried it than it is to predict if it will work ahead of time. 

      • Experiment with different things and double down on what’s working. 

      • Use a range of experiments to try and figure out what you should use. Run a cheap, quick, and thoughtful test to find the optimal strategy. 

      • When a winning strategy bubbles up, do more of that. 

      • This strategy risks spreading yourself too thin. 

      • “Don’t keep your eggs in too many baskets."

  • Use first principles / reverse engineering for 80% of your time, then experiment with 20% of your time.. then integrate the experiments that have worked well and been fruitful.

  • You have to stay focused if you want great results.. but no one knows what will work ahead of time, so you need at least some experiments to find and integrate new ideas. 

  • Homework: Start with the two-minute rule. What should the next action be? Take whatever habit you’re trying to build and scale it down to something that takes 2 minutes or less to do.

  • "Mastering the art of SHOWING UP”

    • A habit must be established before it can be IMPROVED. 

    • Mitch going to the gym 3-4x a week for 6 weeks.. and spending MAX 5 minutes at the gym. 

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Want To Dig In More?! - Here’s The Show Notes, Links, & Research

General

  • James’s Website

  • James’s Facebook and Twitter

  • Habits Academy

Media

  • Author directory on Buffer, Entrepreneur, Business Insider, Elite Daily, TIME, and HuffPost

  • A Life of Productivity - “6 Nuggets from Atomic Habits, by James Clear” Written by Chris Bailey

  • [Podcast] Future Squared - Episode #369: James Clear on Replacing Bad Habits with Good Habits

  • [Podcast] Cal Newport - The Atomic Minimalist: My Conversation with James Clear

  • [Podcast] ELEVATE WITH ROBERT GLAZER - James Clear on Writing and Changing Your Habits

  • [Podcast] Jordan Harbinger - 108: James Clear | Forming Atomic Habits for Astronomic Results

  • [Podcast] Productivityist - Why You Need Atomic Habits with James Clear

Videos

  • The Sweet Setup - An Interview with James Clear: How to Start and Build Better Habits

  • Video Advice - "Every Billionaire Uses It!"

    • "The Billionaire Algorithm" | (it will change your future!)

  • Med School Insiders - Ultimate Guide to Building New Habits - ATOMIC HABITS Book Summary [Part 1]

    • Ultimate Guide to Building New Habits - ATOMIC HABITS Book Summary [Part 2]

  • Motivation2Study - How To Stay Motivated & Break Bad Habits

  • Evan Carmichael - Use ATOMIC HABITS to Change Your LIFE! | James Clear (@JamesClear) | Top 10 Rules

  • Productivity Game - ATOMIC HABITS by James Clear | Core Message

  • EPM - Book Summary: Atomic Habits by James Clear

Books

  • Atomic Habits: an Easy & Proven Way to Build Good Habits and Break Bad Ones by James Clear

  • Atomic Habits Book Site

  • The Habits Guide

  • Mastering Creativity

Misc

  • [SoS Episode] These Habits Will Help You Crush Procrastination & Overwhelm with James Clear

  • MIT Sloan Management Review - “Disruption 2020: An Interview With Clayton M. Christensen“

  • [Video] BJ Fogg - Motivation Wave

Episode Transcript

[00:00:04.4] ANNOUNCER: Welcome to The Science of Success. Introducing your host, Matt Bodnar.

[0:00:11.8] MB: Welcome to the Science of Success; the number one evidence-based growth podcast on the Internet with more than five million downloads and listeners in over a hundred countries.

In this episode, we show you exactly how to build the habits and routines you need to succeed. We break down what makes powerful habits and share how to stay motivated and productive no matter what happens with our guest, James Clear.

Are you a fan of the show and have you been enjoying the content that we put together for you? If you have, I would love it if you signed up for our e-mail list. We have some amazing content on there, along with a really great free course that we put a ton of time into called How To Create Time for What Matters Most In Your Life. If that sounds exciting and interesting and you want a bunch of other free goodies and giveaways along with that, just go to successpodcast.com. You can sign up right on the homepage. That’s successpodcast.com. Or if you’re on your phone right now, all you have to do is text the word smarter, that’s S-M-A-R-T-E-R to the number 44-222.

In our previous episode, we told the truth about self-awareness. 95% of people think they’re self-aware, but only 10% to 15% actually are. Where do you think you stand and what can you do to improve what our previous guest called the superpower of the 21st century? All that and more with our previous guest, Dr. Tasha Eurich.

Now for our interview with James.

[0:01:43.4] MB: James Clear is an American author, entrepreneur and photographer. His personal blog, jamesclear.com, has over 400,000 e-mail subscribers. Since his last visit to the show, his first book, Atomic Habits, has gone on to sell over a million copies worldwide and been featured on the New York Times bestseller list for over a year straight. James's work focuses primarily on habits and human potential, looking to answer the question how can we live better by focusing on science-backed methods. He has been featured in The New York Times, CBS, Forbes and many more media outlets.

James, welcome back to the Science of Success.

[0:02:21.1] JC: Hey, good to talk to you again. Thanks for having me.

[0:02:23.0] MB: Well, we're super excited to have you back on the show. I've been a huge fan of your blog and your work for many, many years, and so we wanted to have you back on here to really dig into many of the topics that we may have touched on in our previous conversation, or even things that have changed, or become more interesting, or relevant for you since we last chatted.

[0:02:41.7] JC: Perfect.

[0:02:42.6] MB: I'd love to start out with something – we're going to jump right into the deep in here. One of the topics that we talk a lot about on Science of Success is decision-making and really digging into how do we make better decisions using tools like mental models and so forth. You in our previous conversation actually, you said one of the most interesting things that I've ever really conceptualized around decision-making, which is how decisions and habits intersect with each other and what their relationship is. I'd love to hear your perspective on that.

[0:03:11.3] JC: Well, broadly speaking, I think there are probably – well, we could say there are three pillars that influence your outcomes in life. You've got, one is your luck, randomness, misfortune, uncertainty, just things happen. Second one are your choices and decisions. Then the third are your habits and behaviors. Only two of those three things are under your control. Broadly speaking or generally speaking, the two big pillars, the two big levers that you have to pull on for your outcomes in life are the choices that you make, so your strategy and the habits that you build, so your behavior and your actions.

I like to think of it as if you can get those two things under control, then you actually can – the third bucket of luck and randomness, you by definition, you don't have control over that, but you can increase your exposure to good things, or increase the odds that something fortunate will come your way by showing up more frequently, or making more strategic decisions and so on.

Those two pieces that are under your control, your strategy and choices and your habits and behaviors, the way that I think about them is that your choices set your trajectory, or they're like potential energy. They create the amount of energy available to you, the amount of outcomes or results that are available to you. Your habits are how you capitalize on that.

One example of this is you can imagine two entrepreneurs. One person, they start a local shop, a pizza shop, or a candle shop or something and you can imagine this dotted line, this trajectory extending out from that decision, that choice of what the upside is of that business. Somebody else, another person, another entrepreneur might start a software company and you can imagine another dotted line extending out from there.

The software entrepreneur may have the higher upside in theory. That choice, that decision may have created more potential energy that could be capitalized. If the person who starts the local pizza shop has really killer habits and they execute really well, then they may capitalize on more of the potential energy and they may actually end up with a better outcome. Now of course, what we really want is we want both of those, right? We want to be able to make great decisions and to have great habits.

I think if you can put those two together, then you end up with much greater odds of getting remarkable results. The way that I think about those is working in concert and the summary that I would have is your effort, the hard work you put in, your habits, your effort sets your floor. Hard work will determine what the floor is for you. You can always work yourself to a certain level, but your strategy sets your ceiling. If you don't make good choices and you don't make wise decisions, then you cap the upside for yourself.

Ideally, you're making choices that have unbounded upside, or a lot of potential to them that are like, they're ripe with potential energy and you're executing with great habits to make sure that you're making the most of those opportunities.

[0:06:13.9] MB: I love the example of decision-making, creating the potential, or the available outcomes, in some sense creating the ceiling and then the habits allowing you to capture either some, or all or none depending on really the quality of the habits that you choose.

[0:06:30.8] JC: Right. You need both. It's like, if you stop working, having great strategy is important, very important, because it sets that upside, sets that ceiling. If you stop working, or you skip your habits for a month or two or whatever, then no matter how much potential energy is there, it goes to zero. You really do need both. Atomic Habits, hopefully is the manual or one manual field, guide one way for thinking about how to capitalize on your actions and building better habits. Then now I'm exploring more the decision-making and strategy side of things.

[0:07:04.5] MB: It's interesting, because my perspective is probably the opposite in a sense that I've spent a tremendous amount of time on the decision-making side. Probably, if I really take an honest assessment to some degree, almost to the detriment of the habit side in the sense if I focus way too much, maybe time and energy on making sure the strategy is perfect, making sure there's as high a ceiling as possible. I've almost in the last year or two really had to say, “Okay, I need –” Actually, I would say 98% of people's problem is they have not enough contemplative time, strategic thinking time. I needed to cut down and be like, I need more execution time, because I'm doing too much strategizing.

[0:07:40.1] JC: What’s tough about it is that we often discuss strategy as being something that is predetermined, that's planned ahead of time. We're going to sit down, we're going to think about this for a day or week, or month, or whatever it is and we're going to come up with our strategy, our plan. Then we're going to go spend the next year and execute on it. In reality, one, the world is dynamic, it’s evolving. Whenever you make a plan for now is not necessarily what things would be like in a month or a year, or two years or whatever. Two, the world is uncertain, which means that it's not possible, it's physically impossible for someone to map all of the potential interactions, outcomes, etc., ahead of time. Nobody can think through all the different variables before they begin.

In a lot of ways, I think it's more useful to consider strategy as something that emerges over time, rather than something that's premeditated beforehand. Now, that doesn't mean that that premeditation, or that planning ahead of time isn't necessary or isn't useful, I do think it's really good to start things with a solid plan and you can put yourself in a much better position by doing that. It's more the idea of yes, you want to do that and it remains like this open set as you continue to work. It's going to continue to evolve and grow as you go through things. There's not a thinking time and a working time and they're completely separate.

As you start to try things, the other thing that I think is useful about looking at it this way is that because the world is uncertain and you need to be trying things, there's a certain wisdom that comes from experimentation. Trial and error is how most humans throughout most of human history have discovered things. Nobody really has the answers to start. We stumble into them.

Once you realize that, you realize that yes, I do want to have a good plan to start, but also the way to get to the best plan is to iterate a lot, is to try a bunch of experiments, to expose myself to some new ideas, to try to execute on this plan that I've already laid out and then get some feedback to see if that's effective or not. It's really all of those inputs, that additional information that you get from trying things, from executing on things that allows the ideal strategy to emerge over time.

Once you start to look at it that way, you start to realize, “Oh, actually I needed to think through this and be thoughtful about it. But one of the first things I need to do is get started, so I can start getting some feedback and iterate.” In that way, I see habits and decisions, or action and strategy as being mutually reinforcing. They're not totally separate phases. One of them feeds on the other.

[0:10:19.0] MB: Yeah. I totally agree about them being mutually reinforcing. In some senses, that perspective really reminds me of one of my favorite quotes about strategy, which is that strategy is not about seeing 10 moves ahead, it's about having 10 times the amount of potential tools, or options, or mental models to handle whatever comes next.

[0:10:39.8] JC: Yeah. Yeah. Well actually, I would say one of those tools is that I like the mental model of you can call it different things, but second order thinking. Most people make a choice and they think what's going to happen because of that choice. But then you want to go to the second, or the third, the fourth order. What happens because of that and then what happens because of that? It's like a chess player thinking through five or six moves.

That is just one of those tools. It's almost like your description of strategies not thinking ahead, it's having this toolbox. Well, thinking ahead is just one of the tools in the toolbox. You need to do that, but then you also need to have six, or eight, or, 10, or 12 other things that are also powerful and useful.

I like mental models like inversion, thinking about the opposite, or margin of safety, always making sure you have a buffer for the unknown. If you have a toolbox filled with those tools, then yeah, sometimes thinking ahead will get you what you want, but you also need other things, so that when uncertainty or unexpected things happen, you can adapt.

[0:11:36.1] MB: Taking a small step back, just for people who may not know what mental models are, how do you think about mental models and the importance of integrating those into your strategy and decision-making?

[0:11:48.7] JC: Yeah. It's interesting. Our sphere of the Internet or whatever has been talking about mental models for a while now. They've taken on this air as if they're something new, or different, or whatever. Honestly, the more I think about them, the more I just consider, it's like an idea or a concept. Like all of education, literally your entire life is you've been going through school, or learning different things. Each new idea or concept that comes to you is the mental model of some sort. It's just a way of viewing the world, a way of looking at the world. It's a way of explaining things, explaining certain phenomena.

Each mental model, it has limitations, like it only extends to a certain sphere, but it also has sort applications. Broadly speaking, you want to hold the ideas in your head that one, are the closest to truth that are closest to how the world actually works. Two, that they have broad applicability, so they can be used in a wide range of circumstances, not very narrow. Then maybe the third part is that whatever possible are predictive and not just explanatory.

There are a lot of things that are explanatory in life. People come up with rationalizations, or stories, or reasons. Some of them are scientifically grounded, or sound really good, but when you break them down a little bit more, you realize, “Oh, this is actually just a way of explaining what has already happened. It doesn't really help me predict what to do next.” It's not very much of a theory for the future.

I think the best mental models fill all three of those categories. They're very close to the truth, they're widely applicable and they're predictive and not just explanatory. If you have that, if you have those three qualities, that idea or concept, it becomes like a theory for how to approach the future. I was watching a great interview with Clayton Christensen, the HBS professor a couple weeks ago and he said something interesting, which is if you have data and people like to make database decisions, and data is great, but it only applies to the past. It only applies to what has already been measured, that's why we have the data.

If you want to make any decision going into the future, you can't only have data, you also need a theory to guide your actions and behavior. This is something that all of us, we just experience this in life, because this is what it's like to live, this is what it's like to go through the world and have a life, which is that you are constantly forced to spend the next moment. Sometimes, people will talk about time and money and they're like, “Oh, you can make more money, but you can't make more time.”

That is true, but I think the quality about time that is most unique is that you are forced to spend it. You don't get to decide. The next moment has to be lived no matter what. Because we are constantly on this path where going into the future, constantly spending the next moment, it's really important to have good theories for how to spend that moment. You don't just need data. You need a good approach for what to do in the next moment, even though you don't know what it's going to bring. I think that mental models that have those three qualities of truth, applicability and predictiveness, allow you to have a good theory for going through life and figuring out how to spend the next moment.

[0:15:06.8] MB: Those are great criterion for evaluating quality mental models. You're totally right. Your point at the very beginning of this conversation is this idea that mental models can seem esoteric and confusing. Really, it's just concepts, or theories, or ideas that in some way try to explain reality. Even that sounds too academic, too confusing, it's not as confusing as it sounds, but it's hard to explain in a way that doesn't confuse people and I thought you did a really good job of doing that.

[0:15:33.9] JC: Yeah. Literally, every little fact that you know about the world, that's in some way is just an explanation of it. There's no way to get to a fully coherent, full resolution version of reality. The only thing that is that is actual reality. Everything has to be explained, or simplified to at least some degree. When I described a flower to you and the color of it, I'm not describing the location of every atom and the interactions between all the cells. Something as simplified.

All of these mental models are just – they're simplifications of the world. Why do plants grow? Oh, well. We have a mental model called photosynthesis and that explains why plants grow and that's one idea that you can carry around that explains how the world works. Then why do animals look the way we do? Oh, we have another mental model. It's called evolution. We can explain that and that gives you another little lens to look at the world.

In a lot of ways, I view these concepts regardless of what discipline they come from. They're like a set of glasses. It's like a different lens and you can just, “Okay. Sometimes I'm going to put on this lens and that lets me see the world through the color yellow and then this one lets me see the world through the color red and so on.” By switching out the lenses, or by having more sets of glasses, you can sometimes see things that you would otherwise miss.

Mental models give you the more concepts. The more ideas you have that are close to truth and widely applicable, the more clearly you can see the world, because you have all these different lenses that you can put on.

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[0:18:33.3] MB: Do you have any habits around mental models, whether it's learning, organizing, applying them, etc., that you found to be really helpful?

[0:18:42.6] JC: I do have a couple, but the last part of your question I think is important to get to, which is organizing and applying them. This is again, something that I feel the mental model’s area of the Internet that we hang out and talks about like, “Oh, making checklists, or coming up with a latticework of models and so on.” I'm not totally criticizing that. It can be useful. I don't think that that's how people actually think in practice.

I don't believe that's how the brain actually works. What I mean is you're constantly making decisions throughout the day and your brain is doing this fluently, implicitly, automatically. Just it's very rapid. You're not sitting down and thinking each time you have to make a choice, “Oh, let me go through this checklist of 10 things, or 20 things, or whatever these concepts and mental models are.” We don't actually make choices like that. You're in the middle of a meeting debating with your co-workers and then something gets decided, but nobody paused the meeting to go through this checklist of 20 things.

I think actually, the way to really apply mental models – again, it's very similar to what basic education is, like addition and subtraction are mental models, but you don't sit and go through a checklist of mathematical models to determine when to apply addition and when to apply subtraction. Once you've learned the idea, you just use it automatically whenever it's relevant. I think that is the best way to think about how to use mental models in practical fashion. What you're looking to do is to find the best, biggest, most applicable and useful ideas that the world has to offer and then you're looking to learn them so deeply and so clearly that you can use them automatically whenever you need, just like addition and subtraction.

I don't think there needs to be a formal process for applying them. I think it's just literally, you need to know it front to back, learn it deeply and then it becomes part of your worldview. The best way to apply them is to know them so well that they just influence the way that you look at world.

Now that doesn't mean that maybe there are times when it would be useful to have a checklist. Maybe you want to have a running list of the top 30 mental models that you use. When you make really big choices, like maybe once a year, we're thinking about buying a new business, or we're thinking about going to a different school, or moving to a new neighborhood or whatever, some big life choice, then sure, maybe you should run through those and that would be the useful thing to do.

Generally speaking for most of daily life, I think it's just know it really deeply. That said, that means the one thing that's left to do is to find and integrate really great mental models. My main habit around it is just to read a ton. I guess, I should say there are two; it’s inputs and it's finding and it's filtering, so reading a ton, exposing myself to a lot of ideas, curating my Twitter feed, watching YouTube videos and listening to podcasts, just a lot of information inputs. As much as possible, you try to make those high quality.

Then once all that information is coming in, then there needs to be some period of reflection review, some period of filtering. The summarized version might be broad funnel type filter. We're trying to get exposure to a lot of ideas and then we're trying to narrow down to the very best ones. For me, I have an additional advantage, which is my job is to write about things and that's a great filter. I'm only going to write about a topic if I find it really interesting, or really useful. The act of taking notes on it, turning it into an article, maybe using it as a book chapter, there's a lot of filtering going on in that process where I'm trying to get to the highest signal and the lowest amount of noise.

You could of course do that in a journal, or whatever your own process is, even if you're not a writer or an author, but that's the main thing that helps me narrow down once I had that broad funnel.

[0:22:32.4] MB: Yeah, I completely agree about both of those key ideas around mental models. I mean, my own experience has definitely been the more you can study and ultimately, subconsciously internalize those models into essentially, Kahneman's System 1, the more you just start to naturally apply them in the situations that they come up.

The second thing that you touched on just a second ago, this idea of reflection and review, to me that's a key piece of if you find models that you think are really important, reviewing them using whether it's a forgetting curve methodology, or whatever, some spaced repetition, which essentially is another mental model. As a side note, those are some really effective ways to start to almost seep those ideas into your subconscious, so that you're naturally applying them and not having to go back and reference a decision-making checklist when you're in real-time.

[0:23:22.6] JC: Right. That's a good distinction. It's repetition, writing about it, whatever it is. There needs to be some revisiting of the ideas, particularly the very best ones. Because once you've found a really great mental model, you want to be able to use it a lot. You want that idea to become part of your worldview, part of your life style. I think we need to make contact with ideas repeatedly for us to really internalize them.

Yeah, space repetition, or writing or whatever, those are just different ways of doing that. Having conversations with friends, a discussion group, a book club, whatever it is that's surfacing the idea consistently, any of that will definitely help.

[0:23:56.7] MB: Yeah. I totally agree with the broader idea that it's really about deeply internalizing these models whatever methodologies you use, so that they naturally become part of your subconscious decision-making and thinking process, as opposed to trying to consciously apply them in any given situation.

[0:24:13.8] JC: Right.

[0:24:14.8] MB: I want to change gears a little bit and come to another topic that you talk a lot about that I hear constantly from whether it's friends, podcast listeners, family members, etc. This is the idea of not feeling like you're motivated, especially we're in some rather unique times these days and it's easy to not have motivation to do something, or to implement good habits or whatever. How do you think about the puzzle of motivation and why people struggle and wait around until they feel like doing something?

[0:24:45.1] JC: Well, so there's a little bit of a challenge, which is and anybody knows this as soon as I explain it, right? Motivation rises and falls, so we've all had that experience. Sometimes we feel motivated, sometimes we don't. What that means is motivation is a fluctuating resource. Whenever we discuss habits or behaviors, we are again by definition, this is obvious once you've stated, we're talking about a reliable behavior, something that is fairly stable, you're able to do consistently again and again.

Well, if you're trying to build something reliable, something stable, then you don't want it to rely on something that is fluctuating, right? Those two things don't match up, or they don't align well. The more that your habits rely on motivation, the more that you become beholden to how you feel in any particular moment, rather than to the stability and reliability that you're hoping to build.

For that reason, I think that it's often more effective to focus on some other aspects of habit building than motivation. I feel it's better to not make that the bottleneck. A couple different strategies that you can use; one is what I call environment design and I talk about this a lot in Atomic Habits, this idea of trying to optimize the environment to make the good habit the path of least resistance. That means whatever the queue is, or the signal is that gets your habit started, you want that to be obvious and available and visible, whatever the action is itself, you want that to be as easy as possible, as simple as possible to do.

As an example, I was talking to another interview about they were asking me about how to build a reading habit. I started to look around and I realized, actually – Right now next, I have five or six books that are sitting next to me on my desk. I also have books sprinkled around my home, so there's some in the living room, there's a couple by my bed. They're prevalent in the physical environment. If you open up my phone, the very first app that I see is Audible and then I also have Pocket on there, so which allows you to save articles and read them for later.

Now in the digital environment, reading is pretty obvious. Then finally, I spend most of my time when I'm on the computer in the web browser. Usually, I have anywhere between 10 and 20 tabs that are open at any given time. About three or four of those are related to business, Gmail, Asana, whatever, other stuff like that. The majority of them, like 10 or so, are usually articles that I either am in the middle of reading, or I want to get to read soon.

What I started to realize is if you look at that, my digital environment, my phone, my desktop and my physical environment, my desk, might be next to my bed and living room, etc., books are very prevalent in all of those spaces. it becomes very easy if I get – It's almost like I make it easy to, for lack of a better term, to procrastinate productively. If I get distracted, ah, I just pick this book up and read a page. Or if I don't feel like looking at this list of e-mails anymore, then I'll just click on a different tab and oh, that's an article that I want to write. You make it easy for your attention to slide into the things that you want to do.

That's the first strategy for rather than relying on motivation, shape the environment so that the good habits, the path with least resistance. Or another way that I like to phrase it is if you want a habit to be a big part of your life, make it a big part of your environment. That's the first strategy.

The second strategy is a lot of people feel like what they need is motivation, but what they really need is clarity. What I mean is that we wake up and we think, “Oh, I hope today will be the day I feel motivated to write, or I hope I feel motivated to go to the gym today, or whatever it is.” If you look at people who actually stick the habits consistently, or have had behaviors for quite a while, they don't wake up feeling like that. It's more like, “Oh, going to the gym is just what happens on Mondays at 5 p.m., or I write every weekday at 9:30 a.m. in my office. It's just what I do.” They have extreme clarity around when and where the behavior lives in their life.

There are a variety of strategies you can use to do this. One of the ones that I discuss in Atomic Habits is what's called an implementation intention. There are well over a hundred studies on implementation intentions, but the core idea is the same, which is you basically fill out a sentence that says, “I will perform this action in this place at this time.” It's very specific. They actually write that sentence out.

There was one study, again, I'm pretty sure I mentioned in the book where they were trying to get people to exercise more frequently. The one sentence that they had this group fill out was I will partake in at least 20 minutes of vigorous exercise on this day, at this time, in this place. Everybody had to fill out that sentence. Anybody in the cohort that filled out that sentence, about nine out of 10 of them worked out. Whereas in the control group, it was like three out of 10. It’s two to three acts more likely that they were going to actually follow through just by filling out that sentence.

There have been a bunch of studies that have shown that same thing for your odds of going to the polls and voting for your odds of getting a flu shot, or showing up for a colonoscopy appointment for your odds of sticking to recycling habits, or even stuff like quitting smoking, all kinds of behaviors. The more clear the plan is, the more likely you are to stick with it and not become a victim of whether you feel motivated or not that particular day.

I tend to view of those actions as building a system. It's a system of behaviors that move you in a direction toward your desired outcome. I talk about that a lot in the book as well, like focusing on systems rather than goals, rather than this goal of I want to work out for 45 minutes a day and I just need to get amped up and motivated and hyped and then I'll follow through on it. You say, instead of that, instead of relying on motivation, I'm going to focus on building a system that makes that habit more likely. I'm going to design an environment that is conducive to it. I'm going to come up with a clear plan for when and where I'm going to execute on that. By doing that and a variety of other strategies that I discussed in the book, you can have 10 or 15 things all nudging you in the right direction. It becomes much easier to make a good habit, likely to make a good habit something that you follow through on consistently when it is the path of least resistance. That's how I think about that difference between motivation and habit.

[0:31:18.7] MB: I really like the point about the mismatch between the unpredictability of motivation and relying on that is almost like building your life and your habits on quicksand, if that's what you're using as the fuel for your habits.

[0:31:32.4] JC: Right. Yeah. BJ Fogg, who’s a professor at Stanford writes about habits as well. He’s got a lot of great stuff. I think he has a talk where he talks about concept he calls motivation waves and these crystal of thoughts, it's like, you could think about motivation it's this wave that rises and falls throughout the day. Yeah, you don't want to rely on that. You want to design a system that serves you instead.

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[0:33:23.4] MB: Tell me a little bit more about that idea of designing systems and focusing on systems, rather than goals.

[0:33:29.4] JC: Well, the thought of it in this terminology systems of goals, something I first read about from Scott Adams and it got me thinking and interested in this. We've been talking about this. Humans have been talking about this since the dawn of time, it seems like, this process over outcome, system over goal, focus on showing up each day, rather than waiting for the result.

There's a lot of truth to it, because particularly with habits and to put a little finer point on what I mean, your goal is your desired outcome; losing 30 pounds, making more money, getting a raise, reducing stress, whatever it is. Your system is the collection of daily habits that you follow. If there is ever a gap between your system and your goal, if there's ever a gap between your desired outcome and your daily habits, the daily habits will always win. In fact, you could almost say your current habits are perfectly designed to deliver your current results.

Maybe even a little more accurate, like whatever habits you've been following for the last six months are perfectly designed to deliver your current results, right? It's like, whatever system you've been running recently, where you're at right now is just a natural byproduct of that. I think this is maybe more true than we even realize in most areas of life. In most areas, your outcomes are a lagging measure of your habits. Your bank account is a lagging measure of your financial habits, or your physical fitness is a lagging measure of your eating and training habits, your knowledge is a lagging measure of your reading and learning habits, even something as simple as the amount of clutter on your desk or in your garage or whatever, is a lagging measure of your cleaning habits.

We also badly want the results to change. We also badly want more money, or to look sexier, or to have less stress, or we want different outcomes, but the outcomes aren't usually the problem. If you fix the inputs, the outputs will fix themselves. This idea of focusing on systems rather than goals, on focusing on your daily habits, rather than your desired outcome is really about that. It's about putting your attention toward the trajectory that you're on, rather than on your current position. We all think a lot about current position. What is the number in the bank account? What is the number on the scale?

My argument is and another phrase I'd like to use is try to get 1% better every day. The idea of getting 1% better each day is all about trajectory, not position. It helps you realize that if you can build a system that has you going up into the right, that has you moving in this positive direction, even if it's just 1% a day, then you can end up in a really remarkable fruitful place at the end of a year, or two years, or five years, or whatever. Systems over goals is much more about focusing on that trajectory rather than that position.

[0:36:20.7] MB: One of my favorite ideas that I've heard you talk about around, this is this notion that an outcome is just a point on a spectrum of reps. To me, that was such a fascinating idea. Can you explain that a little bit more and talk about how that ties into this whole concept?

[0:36:34.9] JC: Yeah. Well, first of all and this is another thing with systems and goals, that achieving a goal really only changes your life for the moment. Let's say you set a goal to have a clean room. You look at your bedroom, it's all cluttered up or whatever. Well, if you go in there and work for an hour or two, you might have a clean room for now, but if you don't change the sloppy, messy habits that led to a dirty room in the first place, they ensure around two or three weeks later and you've got a messy room again. Again, it's fix the inputs and the outputs will fix themselves. Change the habits and the outcomes come as a natural byproduct of that.

That's what this question that you're asking, this idea, this concept that every outcome is just a point on a spectrum of repetitions, that's what that's getting at. If you build a habit of cleanliness, of tidying up, of organizing a room each night, then the more reps that you put in, the more that you organize your room for five minutes each night, you get five days in and 20 days in and 50 days in and then you get to the 90th, or the 100th, or the 200th day or whatever and that outcome, that point on the spectrum of a completely pristine room, it's just a natural byproduct of all those reps.

The place that I first really learned this or conceptualized this was with weight training. When I was in the gym, I had all these goals that I wanted to hit for how much I squat, or how much I bench-pressed or whatever. One day, I just twisted around a little bit and thought about, “All right, what would it take to squat that amount of weight? How many reps would I have have to have done previously in order to be able to do that now?” You could probably do that with whoever you're looking at in the gym that's working out around you. You’re like, “Oh, man. I wish I was as strong as that guy, or as strong as that girl.” Just think back, how many reps do you think they've done in their personal history?

It's like, well maybe squatting 200 pounds is something that takes a 1,000 reps in your personal history. Then once you get to 5,000 reps, then maybe you've got the ability to squat 300 pounds, then maybe you get to 50,000 reps and you got the ability to squat 500 pounds, or whatever it is. You're moving along this spectrum of reps. The more that you've put that work in, the more that you build up that capacity, you start crossing these little points on the spectrum that most people refer to as goals or milestones, but you could look at it as just a natural byproduct of putting the reps in.

If you buy into that idea, if you buy into that philosophy, then the very next question you think, or the very next thing you get to is, “Well, I need to start putting my reps in as soon as possible.” Maybe in my case for writing, I was like, well, I'd love to have a 100,000 e-mail subscribers. All right, how many reps does that require? Do I have to write 50 articles? Do I have to write 200 articles? You need to start putting your reps in.

The other reason I like that is not just because it helps you be patient, but also because it gives you a bias toward action. You're simultaneously feeling, “I need to go put my work in, because I got to get through these reps if I want to get to that outcome. And I need to be patient, because all of those outcomes are a natural byproduct of putting in a certain amount of work.”

[0:39:44.7] MB: Yeah. When I originally encountered that concept in your workout, it really blew my mind. I thought it's such a powerful framework. Even just what you said, that notion that it simultaneously creates a bias for action, but then also almost frees you from the need to immediately hit that goal and it's just like, hey, if I put in the work, if I the reps, keep doing it, that goal will become a byproduct of having the right architecture and execution of habits.

[0:40:11.0] JC: I remember, there’s this weightlifting coach. His name is Dan John. He's a strength coach and does a variety of different things in that sphere. He has this one concept that stuck with me, which is you're not good enough to be disappointed. It's related to this. All these beginners whenever we're starting out and trying something new, you do it for a week, or two, or whatever and you're not seeing the results, you get disappointed. His point is, “Listen, you're not good enough to be disappointed. You don't get to be disappointed yet. You haven't put in enough reps to be disappointed with the outcome.”

The thing that you're upset about not having yet, that doesn't happen until you're two years into this. You don't get to be disappointed yet. I like that idea. I like the concept of the master has failed more times than the beginner has even tried. The more that you can see that, those outcomes is that point on that spectrum more repetitions, the more you can check your emotion for a little while and get back to putting in the reps.

[0:41:10.5] MB: This comes back and makes me think of something you touched on a minute ago with the idea of implementation intentions and the broader concept of actually creating space and creating time for your goals in your calendar, right? It's easy to have these goals, these aspirations, things you want to do. Until you do the reverse engineering of mapping that into what do I want to achieve? Okay, what are the reps actually look like on a day to day basis? You have to make sure that those end up being scheduled at some point in your day for them to actually happen.

[0:41:41.5] JC: Yeah. You want to have a time and a space for your behaviors to live. It's similar to what I mentioned a few moments ago, this idea of a lot of people wake up and feel like, “Oh, I hope I feel motivated to do it.” Well it's like, no. Give it a space to live. Give it some sacred space that belongs to that behavior and that'll help increase the odds that it happens. It doesn't make it perfect, but there's no way to perfectly know if you're going to be able to stick to a habit every day or not. They're just, sometimes things come up, sometimes emergencies happen or whatever.

What you're trying to do is make as many moves as possible that put the odds in your favor. We're playing with probabilities, not with certainties. Nothing is certain about the future, but we can try to design a system where good behavior is more likely. That's one of the core messages of Atomic Habits is – and I think I say this in the conclusion, which is the holy grail of behavior change is not a single 1% improvement. It's a 1,000 of them. You're trying to take all these little strategies, all these to borrow one of your phrases from earlier, all these tools in your toolbox, and use them to design this system, design an environment that puts the odds in your favor. Those are just a couple ways to do that.

[0:42:50.0] MB: Yeah. The idea of stacking all of these strategies and combining together is such an important understanding and comes to another concept that I thought was just a great perspective on any habit, which is the notion of never missing twice. Tell me a little bit about that.

[0:43:05.0] JC: There are two explanations here. Let me explain a little bit by way of a story. One of the things that you really want and this is in the book, I refer to this as the fourth law of behavior change, this idea that you want to make it satisfying. You want your behaviors to be rewarding, enjoyable, pleasurable. They need to have some positive emotion associated with them, because that gives your brain a signal of, “Oh, hey. I should do this again in the future. That felt good.”

One of the challenges with good habits is that they're often – all the rewards, all that rewarding thing, all that pleasure and emotion and positive emotion is all delayed a lot of the time. We all have felt this. You sit down and you start writing your book for an hour. You've worked really hard and the manuscript is still a mess, it feels like you're still light years away from having it finished. Or you go to the gym and you work out and you get done and your body looks exactly the same. If anything, you feel sore, the scale hasn't changed. It's like, was that even worth it? It doesn't feel like it.

All the returns are delayed. What you need is something in the moment to make you feel like that was worth it, to make you feel like this is a positive experience. My parents have a good example, they like to swim. Whenever they get out of the water, their body looks exactly the same as when they got in, right? Same story as what I'm just saying. There's no evidence that that workout was worth it.

My dad has this little pocket calendar and he pulls it out and he puts an X on that day when they swim. This is just commonly called a habit tracker, or this form of tracking your habit in the moment and whenever you do it, whenever you write one sentence, or read one page, or do one push up, you put an X on that day and it's a visual signal that you showed up and that you're making progress. It's a small thing, but doing it each time like that, it helps give you a signal that you're moving forward and it adds a little bit of pleasure, a little bit of enjoyment to the process. Those habit streaks, there are a bunch of apps that help you do it. You can do with any calendar. I have a journal, a habit journal that I designed and created and it's got habit tracker templates in the back.

There are a bunch of ways to do it, but the point is as that streak builds up, it becomes motivating, it becomes enjoyable and you're – you have a reason to keep showing up and going to the pool or doing whatever, even though you're waiting for those long-term rewards to show up still.

Having, the process of having a streak is very motivating. As it builds, it feels great. At some point, every streak ends and your kids get sick, or you have to travel for work, or whatever it is, and the process of breaking a streak is very demotivating. It feels like you lost your progress. It feels like, “Oh, I got to start from scratch all over again.” As you're building a streak, the idea that I like to keep in mind is don't break the chain. It doesn't matter how good or how bad it felt that day, just don't break the chain. Just keep building that up.

Once the streak breaks, once you slip up or something, the mantra that I like to pair with that is never miss twice. Never missed twice, I think it's particularly useful for – it's useful for a lot of habits. Diets in particular, we seem to act this way about. You'd stick to a diet for seven or eight days and then on the ninth day, you binge eat a pizza or something and you're like, “Uh, why bother? I'll just go back to this old way of eating. I knew I wasn't going to be able to stick with that. Blah, blah, blah.”

Never miss twice tells you, “Okay. I wish I hadn't binge eat the pizza.” But never miss twice, so we make sure the next meal is a healthy one. “Or, I wish I hadn't missed my journaling habit last Friday, but never miss twice, let me make sure the next day I get right back into it.” Never miss twice as a way to cut the problem off at the source. Again, I think we all implicitly know this from our experience that it's almost never the first mistake that ruins you, it's the spiral of repeated mistakes that follows. It's letting messing up, or missing a habit become a new habit. It's letting that slip-up become a new habit, that's the real problem.

Never miss twice helps you stop that and start a new streak as quickly as possible. A little bit of a long-winded explanation, but the point is habit should be as enjoyable as possible in the moment. Building a habit streak, or using a habit tracker helps you do that. Then never miss twice is a good buffer against the uncertainty of life and the fact that streaks break from time to time and it gets you refocused on what matters, which is starting a new streak as quickly as possible.

[0:47:35.0] MB: I think that concept paired with what we talked about a minute ago, this idea of as I would call it probability stacking. Basically, just getting as many tools as you possibly can, as many levers as you possibly can, pushing you towards the behavior, the habits that you want to create, both of those and viewing habits as a probabilistic thing, right? It's not necessarily a black or white thing. It's a probability. Both of those to me really help create a sense of almost self-compassion that it's okay sometimes to mess up and you're not going to be perfect. In many ways, the expectation of perfection can sabotage your trajectory and set you back in some ways.

[0:48:12.3] JC: I think that's definitely true. You don't need to be perfect. You do need to be quick to recover. That's what never miss twice and designing a system and all this probabilistic ideas, that's what that's getting at is we're trying to increase the odds that you show up and perform well day in and day out. Occasionally, life is going to throw something at you that prevents that. As much as possible, you want to be quick to recover, because the people who interrupt the compounding of their habits, the improvement of their habits, the people who interrupt that less are the ones who end up gaining.

It's like this, so when you get this yo-yo effect where you're like, “Oh, I did that habit for three months and then I had four months off. Then now I'm feeling like, oh, I really need to get back on track,” and just the pendulum swings back and forth, the yo-yo goes up and down from on and off. Never miss twice is trying to get over that and to build a lifestyle of consistency with just occasional blips where you miss. Recovering quickly is the name of the game in that sense.

[0:49:10.7] MB: I love that phrase, lifestyle of consistency. A lot of the things we've talked about today have really all centered around that concept of how do you consistently execute on the habits that are important to achieving your goals.

[0:49:23.0] JC: Right.

[0:49:24.0] MB: I'm curious, coming back to what we're talking about a minute ago, how do you think about and I don't know if you'll have an answer for this or not, but how do you think about figuring out what the right reps are? Some things, it's obvious. Weightlifting, maybe reading, etc., but if you're talking about a complex business goal or something that's not – it's not as easily discernible, are there any tools, or strategies that you found to be really effective to determine which reps, or which habits are going to be the most impactful, or have the highest probability of helping you be successful?

[0:49:56.1] JC: Yeah, that's a great question, because it's really getting to strategy about how do you know where to focus? There are a couple different ways to answer this. One way to answer it is people, you can call it different things, reverse engineering, imitation, best practices, blah, blah, blah. You look at people who've achieved something that is either similar to what you've done or adjacent to what you're trying to achieve and then you see what bits and pieces you can learn from their strategy, or imitate from their strategy and maybe that'll help you. That will maybe give you a starting place.

There are criticisms of that approach, which is like the Elon Musk first principle thinking idea, where you say, okay, just because people have done it that way in the past, doesn't mean you should blindly imitate things. You should think clearly and carefully about what you're actually trying to achieve, distill it down to the absolute fundamental level, first principles, where you say, what do we know for sure? Then build back up from there. Those are two common approaches.

I almost think and I think those are good places to start if you're trying to figure out what do I do first, or where do I begin at all? I think, now my preferred answer to this is that it's much easier to figure out if something is working after you've tried it, than it is to predict if it will work before it's tried. It's much easier to see when you're starting to make progress, or when you're winning, so to speak, and double down on that, rather than it is to try to figure it all out ahead of time.

What that means is that you should use a range of experiments to try to figure out what you're doing. You're trying to figure out, how can I run a cheap, quick, thoughtful, but cheap and quick test to see if this strategy is worth pursuing further? You want to do that as much as possible. Then when occasionally, a winning strategy bubbles up, then you want to double down on that. The more that you're winning, the more you want to repeat that. The more that you're losing, the more that you want to experiment more and try to get exposure to new ideas.

There is one caveat to that strategy, which is if you spread yourself too thin, that's risky too. One thing people say is like, don't keep all your eggs in one basket. If you lose that basket, then you lose the whole thing, so you want to diversify. You could also say, don't keep your eggs in too many baskets, because then you have to keep watch and manage each basket. The more that you divide your attention, the more you're doing things halfway. Doing things halfway is actually risky in itself, because you're competing against people who are focused and who are putting great energy into each of those baskets. It's very hard to win, or to stand out when you're dividing your attention in all this way.

I think rather the answer is maybe you use first principles and reverse engineering, or imitation, or whatever you want to call it for your 80% plan, this is where I'm focus and this is what I'm going to spend the majority of my time on. We're going to attack this strategy. Then you run all these experiments with the other 20% of your time and resources and energy. Occasionally, when one of those baskets shows something fruitful, you start to integrate it into your 80% time and double down on it more.

There is this balance that's constantly going on which is you got to stay focused if you want to get great results. If you're competing against other people, it's very hard to win if you spread yourself too thin. Yet, nobody knows what's going to work ahead of time. Nobody can predict the future, so you need to have at least some exposure to experiments, so that you can find new ideas and then integrate those when they seem to take off.

[0:53:24.6] MB: That's a great perspective and you shared a number of really helpful mental models to address that and figure out how to solve that challenge. I'm curious, for somebody who's been listening to this who wants to start to take action and implement something that we've talked about today, what would one piece of homework or action step be that you would give them to start concretely taking action to build better habits?

[0:53:47.8] JC: Usually, I think the best place to start is with what I call the two-minute rule. Again, I'm just trying to keep this really simple, which should the next action be? The two-minute rule says, take whatever habit you're trying to build and scale it down to something that takes two minutes or less to do. Read 30 books a year, becomes read one page. Or do yoga four days a week, becomes take out my yoga mat.

Sometimes people resist that a little bit. They're like, “Okay. I get what you're saying, but I also know the real goal isn't just to take my yoga mat out. I know I actually want to do the workout. If this is some mental trick or something, why would I fall for it basically?” I get where people are coming from, but there's a story that I tell in the book of this guy named Mitch. He ended up losing over a 100 pounds. He had this rule where for the first six weeks that he went to the gym, he wasn't allowed to stay for longer than five minutes. He get in the car, drive to the gym, get out, do half an exercise, get back in the car, drive home.

It sounds ridiculous, right? It sounds silly. You're like, obviously this is not going to get the guy the results that he wants. What you realize if you step back is he was mastering the art of showing up, knowing I think this is a deeper truth about habits that people often overlook, which is a habit must be established before it can be improved, right? It has to become the standard in your life before you can optimize and scale it up into anything more.

If you don't make it the standard, if you don't master the art of showing up, there's no raw material to work with. There's nothing to optimize. It's just a theory. I think the best place to start is to use the two-minute rule to get over that hump, to say, “All right, look. I'm going to try to master the art of showing up. I'm going to integrate this new habit, even if it's very small into my life. Then once it becomes a part of my new normal, once it becomes a lifestyle, then I've got plenty of options for scaling and proving or expanding it from there.” In that way, I would say the two-minute rule is a great place to start.

[0:55:41.5] MB: Great suggestion and I love the story of Mitch. It's such a powerful way to really break down the difference between showing up for the habit and then ultimately, building on the habit. If you don't master showing up, then there may be no habit to build on at all.

[0:55:54.3] JC: Right.

[0:55:54.9] MB: James, where can listeners find you and the book and all of your work online?

[0:56:00.0] JC: Yeah. Well, if you want to check out Atomic Habits directly, you can just go to atomichabits.com. Obviously, we didn't have time to get into most of it, so it breaks down a lot of the stuff that we discussed and expands on that. If you're curious just about more of my work, or want to read more of my writing, you can go to jamesclear.com. You can also find the book there, of course. Probably the one thing I'm known for outside of Atomic Habits would be my weekly newsletter. That's called 3-2-1 and every Thursday, I send out three short ideas from me, two quotes from other people and then one question to think about during the week. If you're interested, feel free to poke around, check out some of the articles, or sign up for the newsletter and you can do all that at jamesclear.com.

[0:56:41.5] MB: Well, James. Thank you so much for coming back on the show; another fascinating conversation, so many great lessons and I personally really learned a tremendous amount from our discussion.

[0:56:50.4] JC: Wonderful. Yeah. Thanks for having me.

[0:56:52.8] MB: Thank you so much for listening to the Science of Success. We created this show to help you our listeners, master evidence-based growth. I love hearing from listeners. If you want to reach out, share your story, or just say hi, shoot me an e-mail. My e-mail is matt@successpodcast.com. That’s M-A-T-T@successpodcast.com. I’d love to hear from you and I read and respond to every single listener e-mail.

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May 28, 2020 /Lace Gilger
Focus & Productivity
Denise Gosnell-04.png

Get What You Want Without Working So Hard with Denise Gosnell

April 30, 2020 by Lace Gilger in Focus & Productivity

In this episode we share how to decide what’s really important in life, how self care can actually lead to massively increased productivity, and how you can put away the guilt of not working hard enough with our guest Denise Gosnell. 

Denise Gosnell is a serial entrepreneur, business strategist, lawyer, and author. She owns Vacation Effect, Inc. and Gosnell & Associates. She is frequently asked to speak on her wide range of expertise at events, interviews, and shows. Denise is also the author/co-author of eight business and technology books, soon to include The Vacation Effect book based on her training methods. She has been featured on media outlets across the web.

  • What happens when your house gets struck by lightning and it burns down?

  • “What do you want to retrieve in the next 5 minutes?"

  • Do you really want to work for money just to pay for stuff that you don’t care about?

  • How do you balance achievement vs appreciation?

  • “I’m no longer going to neglect my family for the sake of money"

  • Do you make more money while working less?

  • "How can I have the money I’ve always wanted without working so hard?”

  • All you have to do is decide to make today what you want tomorrow to be. 

  • Are you addicted to work?

  • The importance of self care to being productive and creating results 

  • What is growth by subtraction and how can you use it to improve your life?

  • How do you stay fully present on when you’re away from work?

  • Should I feel guilty if I can get as much done in half the time as I used to?

  • First step is to acknowledge that the guilt is there… then ask yourself if the guilt is really true.

  • Using the concept of forced hyper efficiency to create more results more quickly

    • Set a timer for half of the time the task should take to accomplish 

  • Break your goals down into stepping stones and short action steps. 

  • The joy comes from the journey of getting to the thing, not from actually arriving at the end point. 

  • If you don’t enjoy the journey, then it’s probably not something you actually want. 

  • How do you make your “someday-maybes” a reality 

  • How do you find your values? How do you stick to your mission and your “purpose?"

  • What are the top 3 things you would do whether or not people paid you for it?

    • What’s a power word that you can give all 3 of these things that encompasses all of them?

  • You get amazing insights when you give yourself the space to create mental clarity 

  • How can I make this obstacle one of the best things to ever happen to me?

  • Homework: Ask what the top 3 things you would do come up with your own power word 

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Want To Dig In More?! - Here’s The Show Notes, Links, & Research

General

  • Denise’s personal site

  • Denise’s LinkedIn and Facebook

  • The Vacation Effect site

    • The VE Podcast

  • Gosnell and Associates site

Media

  • Article Directory on Huffpost

  • Recent articles by Denise:

    • 6 Self-Care Rituals For Busy Entrepreneurs

    • Using The Pareto Principle To Achieve Extraordinary Results in Your Life and Business

    • Finding Your Passion Using The Power of Affirmations

    • 5 Strategies That Busy Entrepreneurs Can Use To Relax and Recover

  • Thrive Global - “Being a good parent means teaching your children all about your successes, and more importantly, about your mistakes” with Denise Gosnell and Dr. Ely Weinschneider”

  • [Podcast] Like A Boss - Attorney turn Business Owner Vacation Advocate with Denise Gosnell

  • [Podcast] GET F***ING REAL w/ LISA CHERNEY - #41: From Workaholic Unhappy Millionaire to 3-Day Workweek | Denise Gosnell

  • [Podcast] The Genius Network - The Vacation Effect: Growing Your Business Even Faster By Working Less with Denise Gosnell and Joe Polish – Genius Network Episode #139

  • [Podcast] The Best Damn Lunch and Learn Ever - How To Grow Your Business By Working Less with Denise Gosnell, J.D.

  • [Podcast] Eventual Millionaire - The vacation effect with Denise Gosnell

Videos

  • Scribe Media - Scribe Guided Author Review: Denise Gosnell

  • Jamie Masters (Eventual Millionaire pod) - The vacation effect with Denise Gosnell

  • Jen Hecht - How To Grow Your Business By Working Less with Denise Gosnell, J.D

  • Women Your Mother Warned You About Podcast - The Power of Forced Hyper Efficiency with Denise Gosnell

  • Heather Havenwood - Attorney turn Business Owner Vacation Advocate with Denise Gosnell Heather Havenwood

Books

  • The Vacation Effect Book by Denise M. Gosnell

  • Beginning Access 2007 VBA by Denise M. Gosnell

  • Professional Development with Web APIs: Google, eBay, Amazon.com, MapPoint, FedEx (Wrox Professional Guides) by Denise M. Gosnell

  • Beginning Access 2003 VBA (Programmer to Programmer) by Denise M. Gosnell

  • VB.NET & SQL Server 2000: Building an Effective Data Layer by Tony Bain, Denise Gosnell , et al.

  • Beginning Visual Basic .NET Databases by Denise Gosnell, Matthew Reynolds, et al.

  • Professional .NET Framework by Kevin Hoffman , Jeffrey Hasan, et al.

  • Professional SQL Server 2000 XML by Paul J. Burke, Sam Ferguson, et al.

  • MSDE Bible by David C. Walls and Denise M. Gosnell

Misc

  • The Monk Who Sold His Ferrari: A Fable About Fulfilling Your Dreams & Reaching Your Destiny by Robin Sharma

Episode Transcript

[00:00:04.4] ANNOUNCER: Welcome to The Science of Success. Introducing your host, Matt Bodnar.

[0:00:11.8] MB: Welcome to the Science of Success; the number one evidence-based growth podcast on the Internet with more than five million downloads and listeners in over a hundred countries.

In this episode, we share how to decide what’s really important in life, how self-care can actually lead to massively increase productivity and how you can put away the guilt of not working hard enough while being more productive, with our Denise Gosnell.

I'm excited to tell you that my producer, Austin, is going to be joining me for this interview. Get ready for a great conversation.

Are you a fan of the show and have you been enjoying the content that we put together for you? If you have, I would love it if you signed up for our e-mail list. We have some amazing content on there, along with a really great free course that we put a ton of time into called How To Create Time for What Matters Most In Your Life. If that sounds exciting and interesting and you want a bunch of other free goodies and giveaways along with that, just go to successpodcast.com. You can sign up right on the homepage. That’s successpodcast.com. Or if you’re on your phone right now, all you have to do is text the word smarter, that’s S-M-A-R-T-E-R to the number 44-222.

In our previous episode, we shared how to deal with self-doubt and what you should do if you don't feel like you belong. We explored the power of kindness and how to build your kindness muscle, as well as much more with our previous guest, Gabriella van Rij.

Now for our interview with Denise.

[0:01:49.0] MB: Denise Gosnell is a serial entrepreneur, business strategist, lawyer and author. She owns Vacation Effect Inc., and Gosnell & Associates. She is frequently asked to speak on her wide range of expertise at events, interviews and shows. Denise is the author and co-author of eight business and technology books, including the soon-to-be-released, Vacation Effect book. She has been featured on media outlets across the web.

Denise, welcome to the Science of Success.

[0:02:15.8] DG: Thank you so much for having me, Matt. I'm excited to be here.

[0:02:18.5] MB: Well, we're really excited to have you on the show today. I'd love to start out with your story and how you came to some of the revelations in the Vacation Effect, this idea of somebody who is really successful, serial entrepreneur and you were working super hard and then you really had a breakthrough and a shift that transformed the way you think about life and business and productivity. I'd love to hear that journey and how it shaped your thinking.

[0:02:44.7] DG: I'd like to say that there was this magic epiphany that I had on my own and that I just came to realize it from my own wisdom. Sometimes, we get thrown curveballs in our lives, don't we? That was what happened with me. In June of 2011, I was running three companies, working like crazy. I'm a recovering workaholic, which that's what my story would be about today.

I had this house fire, where literally struck by lightning on June 20th, 2011 at 8:00 a.m. My husband and I didn't even know we were on fire until there's this knock at the front door. I go to the front door and there's this fireman saying, “Hey, your house is on fire.” We’re like, “Okay. We knew we were struck by lightning, but we didn't know we were on fire yet.” We were trying to figure that out.

Then what was so interesting, Matt, was he asked me a question. It brought a pit in my stomach, because how I answered him made me realize I wasn't living my life in alignment with what really mattered. Is it okay if I share the question that he asked?

[0:03:39.7] MB: Yeah, please do.

[0:03:41.1] DG: He said, “What do you want us to retrieve in the next five minutes before your house is destroyed?” Can you imagine only having five more minutes in your house and having to pick what you want to have them go grab? That was the question that I was faced with. How I answered him really shocked me and made me realize I wasn't living my life in alignment with what mattered. What I asked him for were things like my then five-year-old daughter stuffed animal bunny. Bunny was a member of the family and my wedding photos from 25 years ago when we got married in Jamaica and my grandmother's blanket she made me as a child.

Those were the things I had them retrieve. It's like, what are those represent? They represent the people in my life that really matter to me and the memories, not the stuff, not the artwork from Italy on the wall, or the jewelry in the jewelry box. All that stuff can be replaced. That was just a really eye-opening moment for me where I vowed that day that things were going to change.

I was no longer going to work for just the sake of money to pay for stuff that I didn't care about. It was tricky, because I also realized that I really liked nice things. It's so interesting. We fight with our self. I like nice things and I want to provide vacations and a nice life for my family, but not at the expense of never being with them and being present with what really matter. Does that make sense? It's like that interesting conflict.

[0:04:56.5] MB: It's something that I think about all the time. I think many people struggle with the same balance of striving and achieving on one end and yet, appreciating on the other end and how do you stride that really tough balance beam and figure out where you land on it. I'm curious to see how you struck that balance.

[0:05:14.7] DG: Yeah. It actually took me five years from the fire to figure it out. That day, I vowed that I'm no longer going to neglect my family and the people that I care about for the sake of money. It's like, I will figure out this balance thing, if there is such a thing, how to have more money, how to have good money and plenty of free time without having to pick one over the other. That was always what I wanted.

If I'd work more, the free time would suffer, the family would suffer, I would suffer. Then if I worked less, the revenue would suffer. Surely, there's a way to do both. I just stumbled my way along for five years after the fire and I just kept experiencing one or the other. It was either one would suffer, or the other would suffer. Then interestingly, I went to this meditation retreat. We were supposed to come with one question we wanted answered.

What was interesting was the question that I wanted the answer to was how can I have this schedule I've always wanted without my revenue suffering? During that meditation, it was like, a God again answering my call, or my higher self, or whoever was talking to me, the same person that gave me – being that gave me that lightning bolt from trying to help give me the wake-up call, just whispers in my ear, or I heard it like somebody whispering in my ear. When I asked that question, “Denise, what are you waiting for? All you have to do is decide and make today what you want tomorrow to be.”

That's interesting. Make today what tomorrow to be. I'm like, okay. Well, I'm scared as hell to have the three-day a week work schedule that I've always wanted permanently. As an entrepreneur, I can commit to just doing a little experiment. What if I just do a 30-day experiment for eight days? What if I just block off eight business days for the schedule I've always dreamed of, which was having a three-day work week, where I had Tuesdays and Thursdays, I call it my Tuesday-Thursday schedule to do whatever makes me happy. We're not working in the trenches of the company.

That's what I had dreamed off. I said, someday I'm going to do that. I said that someday for 20 freaking years, right? After that epiphany, I'm like, “All right, I'll try it for one month and we'll see what happens.” I went back to the hotel that night, I sent out a bunch of e-mails, rescheduled a bunch of meetings, carved out Tuesdays and Thursdays for the next four weeks. It was really surprising what happened.

It was painful at first. I've realized I was addicted to work and it was like, I found myself resisting and I felt really guilty at first. I was like, “Where is this guilt coming from?” I had to deal with the emotion of the guilt and we can talk about that more if you want to. After a couple weeks of resisting the urge to jump back into work, I'm like, “No, no. I'm going to give myself this free time, just as an experiment. I don't have to do it forever.” Gave myself permission to do it.

What happened after weeks 2, 3 and 4, each week got a little better. I realized that I was wasting so much time. I was being inefficient with how I was using the time I was spending. After the end of 30 days, I decided to extend it for another 30 and then another 30. Before I knew it, I decided after 90 days to make it a way of life. There's a lot more of the nuances that of course go into that, but that's the high level of where I actually figured out how to grow by subtraction by removing from my to-do list, instead of adding to it.

[0:08:06.0] MB: I love that idea of improving your life by subtraction. I'm curious, before we dig into that, when you took that leap, I have a couple questions in there and they're interrelated, but did your results suffer? Let's start with that.

[0:08:19.4] DG: At first, the results were suffering, because I was feeling guilty, and so I was working through the kinks. Overall, no. I ended up making the most money I'd ever made in my life that year that I had worked the least and I've been able to maintain and sustain that.

[0:08:35.3] MB: That's really interesting. I mean, I've heard many stories like that. The next piece that I always think about and this is honestly my own internal dialogue that I think about a lot too, which is let’s say you can be that productive on three days a week, what about if you just worked all five days a week at that level of productivity and then got exponentially more results? How do you think about that balance and when to stop and versus when to keep pushing it?

[0:09:00.1] DG: I've thought about that and I think that the reason why I've gotten more done with less time is because of the self-care that it has allowed me to do that I wasn't allowing myself to do before. Before when I was working 80 hours a week, just because I was grinding at 80 hours a week, doesn't mean I was doing 80 hours’ worth of quality work. When you're exhausted and you're staring at the computer, you make a lot of mistakes, or you're not solving problems from the purview of having a clear head and making good decisions.

I was making bad decisions when I was working all the time. You make mistakes, or you're not thinking clearly, you make bad decisions. What I found was that it's like allowing space between the notes. When you give yourself the space, have some thinking time – on my freedom days, which is what I call those Tuesdays and Thursdays when I'm not traveling, the days that I'm not working in the trenches of the company, I solve problems in the company that I'm not even trying to solve.

If I'm out hanging out with friends, or visiting my mom, or just doing whatever makes me happy, I can't tell you how many times I've solved some of the biggest problems when I wasn't trying to. I'm sure you've experienced that before too in all your companies.

[0:10:02.6] MB: Yeah, absolutely. There's actually some really interesting neuroscience around that whole idea of they call it creative incubation in the science research, but basically this idea of feeding information into your subconscious and then consciously focusing on something completely different. Then when you're away, you often have these breakthrough insights.

[0:10:19.4] DG: Right. The more I gave myself the space, the more I realized that was a much needed space in order to be actually more effective as an entrepreneur. Don't get me wrong, with the way I have my schedule structured now to run my three companies three days a week, it's like when you're about to go on vacation and that's where actually the name of my company The Vacation Effect was born. It's like, how you're super productive right before you go on vacation, when you get a month's worth of work done in the two days before you leave. I’m sure most people have experienced that.

It's like, why is that? It's because you're forcing yourself to focus on the critical few thing, the things that really matter that have to be handled because you're going to be gone and you magically figure out how to get it done faster. Now in my three-day a week schedule, it's like I'm doing that every single week of my life. I'm forcing that – I call it forced hyper efficiency into my schedule, where I'm like, okay, I'm not available tomorrow to work on it. I literally write the day off where I'm not allowed to work in the trenches of the company, unless it's a true emergency. That's very rarely and maybe once a month is there a true emergency that would justify that and it's for two hours or something.

What happens though is that if you give yourself permission to say, “You know what? That day is no longer available.” It's amazing when you do that, what else you have to figure out and you have to focus on what really matters. You have to get rid of a lot of stuff. That's why I say grow by subtraction. You have to figure out how to eliminate all the shit that wasn't going to produce results anyway.

[0:11:35.6] AF: Denise, I wanted to jump in here, because I'm hoping you can help me with something personally. This sounds great, having a full Tuesday, Thursday for freedom time. As someone who really – I don't have really a set schedule, or a certain amount of vacation time, but I really find when I do make this time, it's really hard to stay present, right? Because I'll glance at my inbox and all of a sudden, I go down this huge hole that pulls me out of the time that I'm supposed to be spending with my family or friends are doing something else. I'm curious, how do you remain fully present on those freedom days when you're not working on a day where 99% of everyone else is?

[0:12:13.9] DG: Yeah. I just don't open my e-mail. Actually, that's not easy to do. It takes some training. I close the e-mail app. On my freedom days, I try not to even boot up my computer, unless I need to because I'm writing a book, or I'm doing something fun online, which sometimes I'll do that on a freedom day.

For me, a lot of times I might be working on starting a new company or researching something that's totally fun that I never would have time to do. My only rule for myself is just that it be something fun and that it's not in the trenches of the company. It doesn't mean it can't be something that others would deem work, but to me it's just pure joy. Does that make sense? To answer your question, it's just a matter of not going there. That takes some practice.

[0:12:53.9] AF: Yeah. I think just to clarify there, so what you said an hour resonates with me is there are definitely tasks that are “work,” but that I just enjoy doing, right? There are also things that I could probably delegate, but I don't because they're fun to me. They let me do something that I may not be an expert at, but I can tinker and learn a little bit. Just summarize, I guess what I hear you saying is it is okay to do those things that maybe work, as long as you're enjoying them and they're part of that freedom day.

[0:13:25.7] DG: Yeah. For me as an entrepreneur and I know a lot of your listeners are not entrepreneurs, so me as an entrepreneur, that's my criteria is I just don't want it to be in the trenches of the company. I want it to be something that lets me work on the company, or myself, or my family, or whatever makes me happy. Like, what can I do today that really lights me up? Because if I don't get myself the time to do it, it's not going to happen. It's going to be one of those someday maybes as I call them.

Yeah, so that's the distinction that I make. Some people might call it work, but I don't. It's pure love, pure joy of the stuff that I do. I just try to make sure it's not in the trenches of the company, because then you get sucked into that rabbit hole that you're talking about.

For those people listening that are not entrepreneurs, you can also apply the principles of this within your own job, with your boss and in your team. One example is if you can show your boss that you get as much done in three days as you used to in six, you can negotiate things. You can say to your boss like, “Hey, what if I work remotely which some people are doing that more and more now for a variety of reasons.” What if you would negotiate a way to work from home and then you say, “If I can show you that I can do X, Y and Z and get this result, can I have a four-day work week?” Or whatever the case is that you're looking for.

You can totally negotiate that. I did when I was an employee. I negotiated that as a young software developer back before I became an entrepreneur. I totally negotiated it. It was the beginnings of my first test into this world.

[0:14:45.3] AF: It's so funny too. We had an interview a number of years ago with a gentleman by the name of Chris Voss. He was saying some of his wisdom was everything in life is a negotiation. He obviously takes it really far. You can go to Starbucks. There are stories out there of people getting their latte at Starbucks half off, just for asking for it, right?

I do think it's funny what you said. I mean, I've experienced that as well in a past life. It almost seems like I worked a Fortune 50 company and it was very rigid. I mean, vacation time was monitored very strictly. If you weren't in the office by 8:00, if you were gone for lunch for more than 45 minutes, if you left any time before 5:00, it was all being watched.

There was this group of three people there who would get in at 4:00 in the morning, but they'd be able to leave 1:00. Or they'd have just – they wouldn't be in the office for a number of days. Then finally, I would ask, Anthony, my boss at the time. I was like, “Hey, where's Mark?” He’d be like, “Well, you know, Mark's been here and he's demonstrated the fact that he can work from home and get just as much done, so we don't really monitor his time.” For me, it blew my mind and it was like, “Well, how do I get there?”

The issue was then I went back to my cubicle and I would socialize this and I was like, “Do you guys know that you could do this?” Everybody was like, “Oh, that's not true. There's no way.” Just because it wasn't an option that was readily presented, they didn't really rise to the level of action, or the challenge to demonstrate that they could actually handle what it was that they wanted, because everyone complained about being there, but no one really worked hard enough to say like, “I can do this on a beach. Give me a shot.”

[0:16:15.5] DG: Right, exactly. That's exactly what I did. This was over 20 years ago, back when nobody was doing this whole work-from-home thing. Internet wasn't that great. I just made myself so valuable to them that I made it where they couldn't say no. That's people don't realize you can absolutely negotiate that. Chris Voss of course is a master negotiating teacher, so that's cool that he shared that with you guys.

The other part of the story though is I don't want everybody to think that you just magically reduce your schedule and everything just magically falls into place. There's more that actually has to be put into place in order to make it sustainable, at least it was for me as an entrepreneur. The forced type or efficiency part where you limit the amount of time that you're willing to spend, that helps you focus on what really matters, but the way you sustain it is also by putting into place other things, like being smarter, being effective in how you actually use your time, goal-setting in a way that when you are working in the company, you're working on the right things, delegating better to your team if you're a supervisor or an entrepreneur, having standard operating procedures, so that you can clone your knowledge where other people can do it without you having to be the one doing it. There's different little pieces to the puzzle that then make it to where you can make that schedule permanent. Does that make sense?

[0:17:28.5] MB: That's great. I want to dig into forced hyper efficiency and some of those other strategies. Before we get into some of the tactical stuff, I want to come back to the guilt. Because to me, that is one of the biggest barriers to anyone taking a step like this, or even if you have control over your time and your schedule, often that's what really ropes you back into grinding and hustling, pushing working really hard. How do you overcome all of the guilt and all of that baggage associated with the being addicted to work?

[0:18:00.3] DG: Yeah. First of all, Matt, that's a great question, because it was the biggest obstacle for me to overcome and every single entrepreneurial client that I've worked with that I've had to help them overcome. That is the one thing they all had in common was getting past the guilt.

We have this culture in North America. For example, we idolize the people who grind all the time, as you mentioned the word grind. It's we got the Gary Vs and the late Steve Jobs and Elon Musk and those guys. Elon Musk had this tweet back and it was November of I think was 2019. He's like, nobody ever changed the world on 40 hours a week. That's an example. I have respect Mr. Musk for all the cool stuff that he's done in the technology and whatnot. That attitude is why entrepreneurs feel guilty to answer your question.

It's so ingrained in our culture. Workaholism has become the respected form of addiction. It's a badge of honor, if you don't take your vacation time and some badge of honor who worked the most hours and that's just messed up. That's why we've got this deep subconscious belief that we're less than if we're not working all the time.

The way I dealt with it and that I've helped my clients deal with it is to catch myself. I do it less and less now that I've just given myself permission to let the guilt go. At first, I had to just acknowledge when it was happening. When I'd have that tendency to, Austin, your point about picking the resistance to pick up the phone on a free day, I just have to be like, “Wait a minute. Should I feel guilty if I can get as much done in three days as I used to in six? Is there logically anything to feel guilty about?” Of course, logically the answer is no.

I have to remind myself of that question over and over again. Then of course, you got to actually take the steps that it takes to pull that off, right? It's not just saying it. You got to actually learn to be effective in those three days as you used to in six, or whatever your version of that is, that for those who may be listening, you can have any variation of that that you want. That's just my example.

The first step is to acknowledge that the guilt is there. Then the second step is to say, is this really true? Once you say, “No, this really isn't true,” then you can start taking steps to dismiss it and give yourself permission to say, “You know what? That's bullshit. I'm going to call bullshit on myself and say I'm going to take this freedom day without guilt, but I'm going to honor it by the next day at work, I'm going to prove that I did get a lot done and the results were there.” It's a deal I make with myself to get over it, if that makes sense.

[0:20:16.0] MB: Yeah, that's interesting. I like the idea of almost using it as fuel when you come back to work and saying, “Okay, now I really have to justify the fact that I took yesterday off.”

[0:20:26.0] DG: Right. That's how my recovering workaholic mind get around the guilt is like, “No, no. Logically, if I get as much done, there's nothing to feel guilty about. I'm going to give myself that wonderful freedom day and I take that wonderful freedom day and I have it.” I have great time and then I'm back to work refreshed and you know what? It's funny how I'm like, “Okay, I'm ready to rock and roll.” Then I focus on, “Okay, what do I need to do today that is going to produce the results?”

I know I got tomorrow as another freedom day. Man, I better produce today because I'm not going to be working tomorrow. It's just interestingly motivating. It's like lighting a match and knowing you're going to have to get out of the room quickly, because it's about to be on fire. It really does help instill that force type or efficiency.

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[0:22:50.1] MB: Let's dig into that. Tell me a little bit more about the concept of forced hyper efficiency and how we can start applying it.

[0:22:57.8] DG: Forced hyper efficiency is where you put circumstances around yourself that forces you to focus on what really matters and ignore the stuff that doesn't. That's what I would define it as. Then so one example of how you can do that is using a timer. A lot of times when I am doing a task on one of the days I'm working in the trenches of the company, I'll set a timer for half of what I think the task is going to take. Let's say I think it's a 30-minute activity, I'll set the timer for 15 minutes knowing that it's a 30-minute task.

What's interesting is there's this little clock ticking, I actually use a timer that's not my iPhone timer, because that way I'm not looking at text messages or something that's coming in. I use one of those just battery-operated timers and I watch it clicking down. What's interesting though is even though I don't normally complete the task, in this example the 15 minutes, I usually complete it in less time than 30 than I originally intended.

Maybe I get that 30-minute task done in 20 or 25, because the timer was clicking. If it weren't, I would have taken 30 or longer. Isn't that interesting? I encourage everybody listening to try this out for themselves. There's something magical going on in our brain when we set this timer there for half the amount of time we think it's going to take. It's like, our brain magically figures out how to get it done faster. Even though I have to hit reset on the timer and I let it continue, when I continue it, I don't continue it for another 15. I only continue it for 3 or 5 minutes. Does that make sense? I'm psyching my brain out when I'm doing it. This is a little game I play with myself.

[0:24:25.6] MB: Yeah, that's a great tip. In many ways, both really comes to the concept of Parkinson's Law, which I want to explore a little bit more. Also, just demonstrates that there's so much dead time, so much wasted effort, so many times where we just get distracted or spend 5 minutes doing this, or 2 minutes, or we get up and walk around or whatever. When you create those really powerful constraints and guidelines, you force yourself to create the results much more quickly without wasting any time.

[0:24:56.2] DG: Exactly. You're right about Parkinson's Law, the idea that the time that it takes you to finish a project fills to expand however long you allocated for the project. If I give myself 30 minutes, well guess what? It's going to take 30 minutes. If I give myself 15, knowing its a 30-minute task, somehow my brain magically figures out how to get it done in just a little over 15 minutes. I can't explain why it happens. I just know that that's what happens to me. It's this intense focus that I think what you said, Matt, is true. We don't goof around when we know the clock is ticking.

We don't get up and take the break or do whatever. We're like, “Okay. I'm just going to focus here for 15 minutes and knock this out. I may only need 3 or 4 minutes after that to get it done. Okay, great. I'm done. Now I can take that break.” I give myself rewards too when I meet different milestones. I think that's important as well. To me, my reward is having the freedom days every week. It's like, “All right, I'm going to be really focused and get this stuff done and by God, I'm going to reward myself with those to freedom days.”

[0:25:47.0] MB: Yeah, that's great. It's funny, I literally had an experience earlier today where I had a call coming up and I had just under 20 minutes to knock out a task that I thought would probably take me – I didn't actually set a timer. I didn't even think about this concept, but I wanted to knock this out, because if I didn't do it then, then I would be busy the rest of the day and it was really important task that I wanted to try to knock out before I got stuck on a series of conference calls.

I somehow, like one minute before the call started, I was hitting send on the last e-mail to knock that out. I guess, just a personal experience that really tied in exactly with what you're talking about.

[0:26:20.5] DG: Yeah, and how did that make you feel? You're like, “Man, I just pulled that off.” You probably thought it was going to take you 40 minutes or an hour or something.

[0:26:26.8] MB: It would have taken me an hour if I had sat down and said that I needed to do it, because I would have been really overthinking it and double-checking everything. I was just like, “I got to get these e-mails out.” Bang, bang. Just hitting send. Okay, if there's a typo or whatever, it doesn't really matter at the end of the day.

[0:26:40.2] DG: See, that's the thing. So much of the stuff we waste countless hours on doesn't even matter. That's key what you just said there. That's what I love about forced hyper efficiency. Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying to become shitty quality. That's not what I'm talking about. I pride good quality work when it matters, but there are many times when it really doesn't matter.

When it matters, I'll prove something three times. When it doesn't matter, we don't need to overanalyze this stuff as much as we do. If there's one little typo, it really doesn't matter. Unless it's a legal complaint, or a bank transaction, a little typo doesn't usually matter that much where you don't need to prove it six times.

[0:27:16.2] AF: Denise, one thing I was noticing in some of the research that grabbed me a little bit and I think just based on the conversation I've gathered this, but what's a someday maybe?

[0:27:24.5] DG: Yeah. To me, a someday maybe is all that stuff that you tell yourself. We've all done this before. Someday when I have more time, I'm going to travel more. Someday when I have more money, I'm going to donate more money to charity; all those some days that you're going to get around to when this other thing happens.

To me, I call those the someday maybes. It's either give yourself permission to bring them into now, because you're either going to wait till retirement when you don't have the money to do it, or you're too sick or old to even do it anyway. Why not find a way to bring them into the now in some fashion? Even if it's not in the way you've dreamed of. There's always a way to bring some version of that thing that would make you happy. A someday maybe is just delayed gratification that you're delaying for no good reason.

[0:28:10.8] AF: One key thing you just touched on there that I think is really important is you said, you bring these things in into the present, but maybe not in the way you dreamed. If I have this goal of something that I want to accomplish that I've been putting off and then when I do have a little free time like, “Man, I need to get around to that.” I know that the way that I've envisioned it, the way that I've dreamed would involve too much work, or too much time that I don't have right now to do.

When you would look at pulling a someday maybe into the present, how do you sit down and think about different ways to approach it that might not be the standard 1, 2, 3 that you would previously envisioned?

[0:28:44.9] DG: Yeah. That's a great question. A simple example is like, what if somebody wanted to be a master guitarist, right? You're not going to become a master guitarist overnight. What are you going to do? You're going to learn to play the first note. Guess what? You could book yourself an online class to learning how to pick up the guitar and play a few notes, play a basic song. That's an example of we're chunking it down. Maybe your goal is to travel the world on some three-month long cruise that touches every continent.

Well, guess what? Whatever your resources are now, let's say you could only afford to do a weekend getaway to somewhere in your own country to where you could then go see this performance of somebody talking about traveling the world, where you could then plan out more what do I want those countries to look like, which stops what I take? It just brings joy. The act of pursuing something that you have always dreamed of, even the planning of it brings you immense joy when you don't even realize it.

[0:29:35.8] AF: I think that's so true. I think a meta point in there is really breaking things down bite-sized actions, right? You don't have to be on stage with Mick Jagger shredding the guitar in a month. Taking those little steps brings the joy of pursuing that long-term goal into the present. You enjoy doing it, but at the same time it's a stepping stone and thus knocking out one of the steps towards that big dream.

[0:30:00.1] DG: That's so true. What you just said is perfect. Part of what people don't realize, the joy comes from the journey of getting to the thing, not from arriving at the thing. The joy comes from actually the journey of getting there. You'll get as much joy from planning the trip as you do from actually going on the trip. At least I do. For most people, that's true. The journey of taking the lessons and becoming better at guitar or whatever the thing is. Is there one you've always been telling yourself that you want to dissect?

[0:30:27.6] AF: I think it's interesting too. Before, I've got a number of dreams and things up in my head. Something you touched on I want to make sure we highlight real quick is that if you don't enjoy the journey, then it's probably not something you actually want, right? I mean, I have friends who went out into LA for two years, three years after college. They went out and they were wanting to become actresses and actors, but they hated auditioning. They just didn't want to do it.

Looking on the outside in, I was like, “Well, maybe that's not what you actually want.” I think, we really need to take some time to evaluate these goals of who we see ourselves as and say, is that really an honest depiction of what I really want? Everyone wants to be sitting on the red carpet, going up and accepting an award and get all this praise and recognition, but you don't see the down times. You don't see messing up on stage, forgetting your lines, standing on stage in front of thousands of people and blanking at the teleprompter. 

If you can't find the joy in the struggle, then you probably not only don't deserve the dream, but you probably wouldn't even like it when you got there, because you'd be so stressed out from the energy expended getting there.

[0:31:37.7] DG: Yeah, I think that's a key point that you just highlighted. That's why one of the things that I work with my clients and as I mentioned, either give yourself permission to let them go, because you're just lying to yourself. You aren't going to enjoy it anyway and you're never going to get around to it. Or bring it into the now. If you're really serious about it, bring it into the now in some way.

I'll give you a quick example that everybody can understand. I used to always have a someday maybe. I said, “Someday, maybe I'll learn how to be a great cook.” I can cook a basic recipe, but I don't enjoy it and I've never gotten – I just don't do it. I hire a chef, or my husband will cook, or we’ll warm something up in the microwave or the oven. Gourmet cooking, I'd always said that someday, maybe I'll get around to that.

Once I really realized it and I analyzed it to the point you were just making, I realize, you know what? I don't ever want to be a gourmet cook. If I'm really honest with myself, I like cooking for the holidays with my family, making cookies and the active – that's more the family thing and just doing it for fun. I gave myself permission to mark that one off the list and say, “You know what? I'm going to let it go. I no longer have that someday maybe of wanting to be a gourmet cook.” I just choose to cook whenever it makes me happy. That was what I gave myself permission.

[0:32:42.6] AF: Yeah. It's like the idea of being able to cook up this incredible Southern Living incredible spread that’s great. Then when you're there, you're like, “Man, it's hot in here. I don't want to deal with this right now.”

[0:32:52.6] DG: I don’t want to do these dishes. I mean, this is a lot of work. I don't want to do the grocery shopping that goes with it. Just send me the stuff.

[0:32:58.7] AF: Something else while we're on this train, I was in the research we were looking through, there's something that I've really, really struggled with in the past and I'm really hoping you can help me work out. Are you game to maybe help me with something?

[0:33:09.4] DG: Sure. Let's do it.

[0:33:11.4] AF: You talk about life, purpose and power words. This is something that I have personally struggled with a number of times, is to sit down and map out my life purpose. I think a subset of my life purpose is core values, do's and don'ts. All the experts we've interviewed, I mean, I think it's come up many, many times. Your decision-making even becomes less stressful, or less tiresome when you have this list of values and purpose. Then any decision you have to make, you can say, “Does this align, or does this conflict with my life purpose and my life values?” It's an easy answer, right?

I find myself sitting down and I'm looking at a blank page and I'm – I've tried to do it in the morning. I've tried to do it at night, I've tried to do it in all manner of different moods. I find that I can do it and I can sit down and I can write it, but I have a really hard time sticking to it. I feel as though there'll be a season and I'll grow out of that season, or an opportunity will come up that maybe doesn't directly conflict with my values, but maybe isn't super aligned and I'll run with that.

I'm just curious, based on your work and your life purpose and how you came to discover what that is, maybe you can help me craft how I can best put together my life purpose and my mission statement.

[0:34:29.6] DG: That's a great question. I love talking about that, because I'm on a mission to help people have a framework that they can use to really make that easy for them to implement in their lives, because the big thing for me is I was always struggling with the whole life purpose thing and I researched everybody's definition of life purpose. I finally came to something that felt good to me. Some of your listeners I think well I really love this. If you don't love what I have to say, that's okay too. If you have a religious or other belief where you disagree with me, that's totally cool. Take the part you love and ignore the part you don't.

I believe your life purpose, you're going to love this, it's really simple, is simply to live in joy. I believe God put us on this planet and the way that we live in joy is when we are the happiest when we're doing the things that we're best at and that we would do whether anybody paid us or not.

I'll give you an example to answer your question on how this applies to me and how it can apply to other people. What I recommend people do in my life purpose framework is that they identify what are the top three things you love doing whether anybody pays you or not? It's independent of any company. For me, mine are I love learning new things, I love problem-solving/simplifying the complicated, because those are two sides of the same coin and then I love helping others. I do that in all three of my companies. I recommend people pick what are the three things you love doing.

It doesn't have to be three. I just recommend three. It's easier to name it with the power word and to use this framework if you have just three of them. What I then recommend is once you identify those three things that you love doing that are agnostic to any business or job and it's just what is it I love doing, whether anybody pays me or not? Then what's one word? I call it a power word, that I can give that as a name, so that I can just remember what those three bullets are by just thinking of that one word. For me, my power word is amplifier, because what does amplifier do? It's a piece of equipment that takes in a bunch of noise, which for me is learning new things and it does some stuff to that noise and outputs something beautiful.

To me, an amplifier symbolizes learning new things, when it transmits the stuff and outputs something beautiful, it's simplifying and problem-solving. Then others are enjoying this beautiful output of it, that's helping others. To me, that word encompasses all three of those.

Now that I have my power word, I can be like, anytime I have one of my companies or I have a new opportunity or a decision I'm being asked to make, I can ask myself, does this let me be an amplifier? Does this let me problem-solve, simplify, help others, or learn new things? If not, then it answer is either no, we're not going to do it as a company, or is there somebody else on the team that this is their jam, that they, I should let them take on? Does that make sense? That's the big picture of how I go about that.

[0:37:05.7] AF: Yeah, that makes a ton of sense. Amplify is such a great – when I'm sitting, you're trying to think of mine, I'm like, I can't 1 up amplify.” That’s pretty good. I love the piece too about how finding someone else that is one of their three things, if it's not one of yours. Because I think that that's where our ego can come into play a lot of times, is I might be able to do something and I might want – at times, I might want credit for it. I might want to sit down and figure it out.

The whole time, I'm thinking about other things I got to do. You'll soldier on, because ego drives me at times to do things that maybe could be outsourced and done more efficiently, more quickly and ultimately better, but I want to do them myself. I think a key piece of that among many key pieces is if it's not one of your three things, if it doesn't allow you to be an amplifier, someone else chances are it does allow them to enact their power word and it is one of their top three things. Even if you think it's something that you hate and how could any human being on the planet earth love doing this? I guarantee you, there's someone that loves doing it.

[0:38:02.3] DG: Right. Then the real question is are they on my team and do I want to let the company do it or not? If there's somebody on my team, I'll let the company do it, right? If not, it's like, you know what? The company just needs to say no to this, or maybe it's a new team member we need to bring on to do this great thing.

[0:38:15.9] AF: I want to backtrack a little bit though. This is pretty buttoned-up, right? I mean, I like this framework. I'm sitting here taking notes. It's the top three things you would love to do if you're being paid or not. Find a power word that really exemplifies who you are and what these three things allow you to do. Where'd you find that, or how did you come up with that? It seems very buttoned up and it seems very efficient. I mean, that you've even got my gears grinding right now. What was the process of you coming up with these three things you would love to do? I mean, how did you bucket something so big and undefined, there's a life purpose down to what was I think two and a half minutes of explanation?

[0:38:51.0] DG: I just literally was not happy with any other answer that anyone else had ever given me, all these convoluted answers about your purposes to solve world hunger or whatever, that you've got some predestined thing of what it's supposed to be. If you don't, you failed in life. I just kept praying and meditating on it. I just got the answer one day in one of my meditations. I think you're getting a sense here that I like to meditate and get clarity.

When I give myself space to do that, it's amazing the insights I get. I just got the answer is just be happy. It goes back to that meditation retreat that I was talking about when I went there with the purpose of saying, “Hey, how can I have the schedule I've always wanted?” Then the answer that I got was all you have to do is make today what you want tomorrow to be. To me, I think that was the first insight I got into the whole be happy thing, because if you think about it, isn't that really saying, be happy today?

I think that was the first glimpse I got into coming to this be happy conclusion. Then, well how is it that I can be happy? I'm happiest when I'm doing these things that I enjoy doing, no matter what. We've all heard the exercises of what would you do whether anyone paid you or not. Just put that together with my idea of being happy and that what if I gave that a word? There are other people that talk about giving it a word that I hadn't even heard them talking about it. I didn't get the idea from them, but they've also come to the same conclusion. It's really cool that as collective consciousness, we're all starting to come to these conclusions and have ways of articulating it. I just want to help as many people as I can with the idea.

[0:40:14.4] MB: Well, it's such a great insight to the clarity that you create when you give yourself space and you step back. You've shared that was at least the second or third example of just how you can create these really novel breakthrough insights when you actually create some space in your life.

Funnily enough, I thought that was a great question as well. I literally made a note to myself to journal about this tomorrow morning, because I want to ask the same question to myself and figure out, are there some answers, are there some things that would come out of that thought exercise that could be really helpful for me?

The truth is, maybe nothing comes out of that journaling exercise, or maybe something really awesome comes out of it. Taking 15 minutes or 20 minutes and journaling on it is a very low-risk, high-reward way to potentially reap some fantastic benefits out of a really simple thought exercise.

[0:41:01.8] DG: Exactly. You might ask the question tomorrow and you might not get the answer, but your brain will still be noodling on it. It'll come to you at some point in the near future when you're not even trying to answer it. You might get it tomorrow too, so I don't want to say you won't. You know what I mean? Once we plant these questions to ourselves, we may not get the immediate answer right then. Sometimes I do, sometimes I don't.

I've been asking myself that meditation question forever and I never got the answer. When I went there and went there with the intention of I'm going to this whole 3-day event with the intention of solving this question, guess what? I got the answer when I gave myself the space to get it.

[0:41:33.4] MB: I mean, there are questions that I've wrestled with for years and years and years and slowly iterated and found pathways and eventually, had some breakthrough insights around. It's definitely something that you may not get a total breakthrough day one, but you might. The practice of creating that space and having the ability in your life to step back even just a little bit and say, “Okay, what's really important? What am I really good at? Where should I be spending my time?” Asking these deliberative, contemplative questions as opposed to just being in the trenches 24/7, jumping into battle every day without even thinking about why you're doing it, or what you're doing, or what you're working towards, or whether or not you're happy. That's the reality and that's what most people are doing.

Take the seasons, take the opportunities and maybe even in today's environment, it could be a great time to really step back and start to think about how can I create a little bit of space to figure out what matters.

[0:42:25.9] DG: Absolutely. It can be so life-changing. The other part of that too is to always even when tough times happen, when the ebbs and flows of life always happen, another thing that was transformative in my life was just I've always had this uncanny way of saying, how can I make this obstacle one of the best things to ever happen to me? I did that after my house fire. The lessons I learned from it were one of the best things that ever happened to me, probably the best thing that's ever happened to me.

It's like, I also encourage everybody listening to any obstacle you have thrown your way that's big and you're like, “Oh, my gosh. This is gut-wrenching.” Ask yourself and say, “How can I make this the best thing that ever happened to me?” If you keep asking your subconscious that question? You'll find it even when you don't think it's there. Might not come immediately like we were talking about with the journaling, but if you look for it, you can find that golden nugget of how to reinvent yourself, or how to overcome that obstacle.

[0:43:14.9] MB: I mean, the elephant the room, we'll go ahead and just talk about it for a second, which is as we record this and probably when we air this that maybe not for the listeners in the future that are going to be digesting this, we're in the midst of the coronavirus lockdown. One of the things I have three or four little personal projects that are just fitness goals, nutrition goals, I mean, I'm planning on emerging from this thing healthier, happier, in better shape than I've ever been in my entire life and trying to use every little edge and every opportunity I can get from the constraints that have been created by this quarantine to emerge better than I went into it.

[0:43:49.1] DG: Exactly. If you keep asking yourself, “How can I make this the best thing that ever happened to me?” Your answer is you'll keep getting is all right, go work out right now, Matt. Go do this and go do that. You're like, “Okay, I'm going to do that,” because you'll feel that pull to do it. I felt the pull to keep making these changes, because I asked myself that question.

I wonder whether I had been led to go to that meditation retreat, whether I'd been led to always be doing experiments in my life, whether I'd be doing all these different things if I didn't keep asking that question to myself. I think that's a key question to implant in your psyche is how can I this obstacle one of the greatest things to ever happen to me? Because your brain will look for the answer.

[0:44:23.3] MB: Yeah, I love that question. That's another great one that I think we could put in the repertoire for people to think about, journal about and implement your lives as well.

[0:44:32.1] DG: Definitely.

[0:44:33.1] AF: Who in your life has had the biggest impact on the way you think and your work in general? It's someone who's maybe outside of your current circle or network. Whose work or whose advice, or whose content that you might not interact with personally has had the biggest impact on you?

[0:44:51.4] DG: There were people that were coming to my mind that are people that I've all personally talked with. I'm trying to think of an example of you're talking about thought leaders, or people that maybe I haven't personally met?

[0:45:01.0] AF: For instance, there's a lot of folks, like depending on what challenge I'm faced with in my research on solving that problem, I'll find an author, or I'll find someone on YouTube. I'll just completely digest everything that they put out. Oftentimes, it's like a phase, but I'll come out of that with three or four things that just completely change the way that I approach everything. I guess at the heart of the question, it's like, who would you look up to that you maybe haven't had the chance to interact with?

[0:45:30.5] DG: Yeah, that's a great question. I'm inspired and I look up to people like Bill Gates. I grew up being a Microsoft engineer, so I always admired Bill Gates and the things that he's done and his philanthropy in the world in trying to solve the bigger problem. That's an example of someone I admire and going from changing the world with his software to now working, just change the world with the money that he generated from the software. That's one example of someone who I follow.

He says so many amazing things, even to this day when he comments on different problems in the world. I just really admire his position on those things. There's some different authors of books that have been transformative in my life. I don't know if that's part of what you're referring to too. There's a couple books that are just wow, that was just so brilliant. I think of it every time I think of certain things in my life.

[0:46:16.1] AF: Name some of those books for us. That'd be great.

[0:46:18.7] DG: Okay. I talked about I was the workaholic who had my house fire, it's like saving the unhappy millionaire. There it was. The Unhappy Millionaire as it was all going up in flames. I'm going to do a new book on that in the future, like Saving the Unhappy Millionaire or something like that.

[0:46:32.5] AF: I like that. That’s a great title.

[0:46:33.7] DG: Robin Sharma's book, The Monk Who Sold His Ferrari, is actually about a workaholic lawyer, one of my companies is a law firm.

[0:46:39.4] AF: Ding, ding, ding.

[0:46:40.2] DG: Yeah, exactly. That one really resonated with me. Even if you're not a lawyer, The Monk Who Sold His Ferrari is this great set of principles around discovering that what really matters in life is not all the money that you make and all the things that you do, but it's about being happy. He doesn't say it in those words, but the essence of the story is all about having time for yourself and for self-care. It's the best self-help summary in the form of a parable that I've ever seen in any one book. Yeah, the monk who is by Robin Sharma, The Monk Who Sold His Ferrari.

It's a brilliant story that sucks you into the story, but it's got a great summary of all the greatest thought leaders and self-improvement things, you've heard over the years all summarized into one parable that you can remember. I just love it. It's a great story. If you buy the audio version, you'll listen to the whole thing from start to finish, because it just sucks you in.

[0:47:28.7] AF: Yeah. I'm always looking for a nice audio book to listen to during [inaudible 0:47:32.5]. One last thing and I think we would be doing a huge disservice, not only to ourselves, but to the audience if we didn't ask, what's the name of this meditation retreat you went on?

[0:47:43.2] DG: It was actually a meditation retreat that a guy named Jesse Elder held. Jesse E-L-D-E-R. I think he called it prime light meditation. I don't even know if he does these retreats anymore, but Jesse is just a really interesting guy that taught me how to be better at meditation. He was doing those retreats.

There was only eight of us that were there and it was a really small group, intimate setting. He just curated a really cool environment. Thank you Jesse if you happen to listen to this. It was awesome.

[0:48:10.1] MB: We'll throw all that stuff in the show notes for listeners who want to check that out. That book sounds really interesting as well. For listeners who want to take action and start to concretely implement something that we've talked about today, what would be one action item, or action step that you would give them to begin their own journey of living a life of purpose and happiness?

[0:48:30.2] DG: I would recommend that they do that life purpose exercise that we talked about, of brainstorming on those three things that really bring them joy no matter what, whether they get paid or not and trying to come up with a power word that summarizes that one word. I actually heard the word amplifier from Jesse Elder, not at that event, but a different event of his that I went to. He made the comment, “I'm an amplifier.” I'm like, “Oh, my gosh.” That gave me goosebumps.

When you hear the right word that somebody else says, or that you read in a dictionary, or wherever, it may give you goosebumps, it may not. In my case, it did. He was just talking about himself in a sentence and I'm like, “Holy cow. That's really cool.” That was how I found my word. My original word was something else. I forget what it was, but I iterated on it for a while and it wasn't the right word.

My advice to answer your question is do that exercise and come up with a power word 1.0 that really summarizes your life purpose and keep iterating on it until you find a power word that really lights you up. Use it in your daily life to help you make decisions on, am I going to take on this for the company or for myself or not? Is it in alignment with my life purpose, or somebody else's that might be on my team?

[0:49:30.2] MB: Denise, where can listeners find you and your work online?

[0:49:34.1] DG: Yeah, so the best websites to find me are my company vacationeffect.com. That’s effect with an E. Also denisegosnell.com. They can find everything on vacationeffect.com. Those that are entrepreneurs, I've got the most resources there for entrepreneurs. They can learn about my book, my podcast and the other free resources that I have.

[0:49:52.7] MB: Well, thank you so much for coming on the show and sharing all these insights, some great stories and some really fascinating takeaways around how we can be happier and maybe more productive at the same time.

[0:50:03.5] DG: Thank you for a great conversation. I had a blast.

[0:50:06.5] MB: Thank you so much for listening to the Science of Success. We created this show to help you our listeners, master evidence-based growth. I love hearing from listeners. If you want to reach out, share your story, or just say hi, shoot me an e-mail. My e-mail is matt@successpodcast.com. That’s M-A-T-T@successpodcast.com. I’d love to hear from you and I read and respond to every single listener e-mail.

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April 30, 2020 /Lace Gilger
Focus & Productivity
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The Power of Experiments: How To Drive Innovation and Opportunity During Times of Uncertainty with Stefan Thomke

March 12, 2020 by Lace Gilger in Decision Making, Focus & Productivity

In this episode we share the power of the experimental mindset. How can you use experiments to make better decisions and improve your life? What makes for good experiments? We share all this and more with our guest Stefan Thomke. 

Stefan Thomke is a professor at Harvard Business School. He has worked with global firms on product, process, and technology development, organizational design and change, and strategy. He is a widely published author with articles in leading journals and is also author of the new book, EXPERIMENTATION WORKS: The Surprising Power of Business Experiments and many more. He is the recipient of numerous awards, including awards from Harvard in innovative teaching and more!

  • Innovation is about dealing with uncertainty. 

  • Business is fundamentally about making decisions under conditions of uncertainty. 

  • The good news is that uncertainty creates opportunity. 

  • When we’re dealing with uncertainty we usually rely on experience and intuition. 

  • When your analyzing a lot of things in your business you often see a lot of correlation, but not a lot of actual causation 

  • What is innovation? 

    • Novelty + Value

  • You can innovate across the whole spectrum of your business

    • Products, services, customer experience, technology, process, business model innovations

  • Most people think that innovation needs to be breakthrough, disruptive, huge innovation - but most innovation is incremental and often incremental innovation can create a huge impact over time 

  • Small changes can have a massive impact on performance 

  • A big change is usually the result of the sum of many small changes

  • Even successful business people have about a 10% success rate when they conduct their experiments. You’re much more likely to get it wrong than to get it right. 

  • It’s desirable to have a fairly low success rate in your experiments, if you’re not succeeding enough you’re not pushing innovation enough. 

  • There’s a difference between a mistake and failure. Mistakes are failures to execute operationally. Failures however are different, they are at the heart of how innovation works. 

  • Failure is a result from a question and testing a hypothesis. 

  • What is an experiment? (Especially in the context of your business)

    • A perfect experiment the tester will separate an independent variable (The presumed caused) and then the dependent variable (the observed effect) while holding everything else constant. 

    • The key is to only change ONE thing and then see what the result is. 

    • This is hard to do in business. 

    • The best solution to account for 

  • The constant change in business is to randomize the changes over a big enough data set and randomly assign subjects to an A/B test. 

    • Randomization helps equalize the distribution of all causes except for the cause being tested.

  • An observational study is an experiment without any controls. 

  • How do you build an experimentation capability in your business?

    • You need an infrastructure.

    • You need the tools. 

    • Even in a brick and mortar environment there are tools you can use. 

    • There are lots of third party tools that are available now for running experiments. 

    • The tools are the easiest part. The harder part is to develop a culture of experimentation. 

    • What’s the right organizational design? 

  • You need to create a culture and norms that make experimentation a part of your culture and your business. 

  • Cultural pillars of experimentation

    • Curiosity.

      • You need a curious environment. You need a lot of hypotheses to test. 

    • Data trumps opinion (most of the time). 

      • This is really difficult. We happily accept results that are supported by our intuition, but we have a hard time accepting results that go against our intuition. 

    • Democratize experimentation. 

      • Empower people to run experiments without getting permission every single time. 

    • Ethics

    • Embrace a different leadership model

  • What are the leadership changes necessary to embrace experimentation in your business?

    • Leaders need to acknowledge that they are sometimes part 

  • “HIPPO’s” can be very dangerous 

    • Highest Paid Person’s Opinion

  • The leader has to set a GRAND CHALLENGE that can be broken into TESTABLE HYPOTHESIS that aim towards the goal

  • How do you scale this methodology down to smaller businesses?

    • Adopt A/B Testing

    • Leverage the tools available, they can be very inexpensive

  • How do you overcome low sample size? 

    • Bigger changes need smaller sample sizes. 

    • Small changes need bigger sample sizes. 

  • What do you use experiments for at a smaller organization?

    • Small Optimizations?

    • You can also run exploration experiments where you explore a direction - you may not have causality, but you can get a sense of direction and then pursue smaller experiments that get more towards causality

  • Experimentation is the engine of innovation. 

  • Homework: Acknowledge that experimentation matters. Then adopt a disciplined framework and start thinking about the basics of experiment design. Just get started, don’t worry too much about scale at the beginning.

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Want To Dig In More?! - Here’s The Show Notes, Links, & Research

General

  • Stefan’s Website

  • Stefan’s Wiki Page

  • Stefan’s LinkedIn

Media

  • ResearchGate - Stefan Thomke Profile

  • Muck Rack - Stefan Thomke Profile and Article directory

  • Business Insider - “A Harvard Business School professor on how companies like Google and Amazon use experimentation to innovate, grow, and improve” by Stefan H. Thomke

  • Optimizely - “The Surprising Power of Online Experiments” by Stefan Thomke

  • Wharton University of Pennsylvania - “Case Study: The Ferrari Way” by Stefan Thomke

  • Appian - “When Shift Happens: Stoking Innovation When Experience Is not Enough, Part 1 of 2” by Roland Alston

  • MITSloan - “The Magic That Makes Customer Experiences Stick” by Stefan Thomke

  • Google Scholar - Stefan Thomke Citations

  • HBR - “At Booking.com, Innovation Means Constant Failure” with Stefan Thomke and Brian Kenny

  • HBR - Author and topic tags for Stefan Thomke

  • Forbes - “Cheap And Painless Innovation, Now Possible Through Online Experiments” by Joe McKendrick

  • Medium - “Harvard professor Thomke on Why Business Experimentation Matters” by Arjan Haring

  • Speaker Profile - Cutter Consortium - Stefan Thomke

  • Business Standard - Stefan Thomke articles

  • [Podcast] The Remarkable Leadership Podcast - Business Experimentation and Innovation with Stefan Thomke – #201

  • [Podcast] HBR Ideacast - How to Set Up — and Learn — from Experiments

  • [Podcast] The Ivy Podcast - Stefan Thomke - Harvard Business School Professor and Chair of Executive 

  • [Podcast] This is Product Management - Developing an Experimentation Organization is Product Management

Videos

  • Vimeo - Business Experimentation by Stefan Thomke

  • Harvard Business School Executive Education - General Management Program: Learning to Innovate

    • Product Innovation: The Challenge of Execution

  • Digital University - Interview with prof. Stefan Thomke - Digital University

    • Digital University - Professor Stefan H. Thomke, Harvard Business School - Session 1

    • Digital University - Professor Stefan H. Thomke, Harvard Business School - Session 2

    • Digital University - Professor Stefan H. Thomke, Harvard Business School - Session 3

  • Optimizely - Optimizely Partner Story: HBS Professor Stefan Thomke on Experimentation

Books

  • Experimentation Works: The Surprising Power of Business Experiments  by Stefan H. Thomke

  • Experimentation Matters: Unlocking the Potential of New Technologies for Innovation  by Stefan H. Thomke

Episode Transcript

[00:00:04.4] ANNOUNCER: Welcome to The Science of Success. Introducing your host, Matt Bodnar.

[0:00:11.8] MB: Welcome to the Science of Success; the number one evidence-based growth podcast on the Internet with more than five million downloads and listeners in over a hundred countries.

In this episode, we share the power of the experimental mindset. How can you use experiments to make better decisions and improve your life? What makes for a good experiment? We share all of this and much more with our guest, Stefan Thomke.

In our previous, episode we shared how to memorize a deck of cards in less than 60 seconds, how to remember anything and hacks from one of the world's leading memory experts; our previous guest, Nelson Dellis.

Are you a fan of the show and have you been enjoying the content that we put together for you? If you have, I would love it if you signed up for our e-mail list. We have some amazing content on there, along with a really great free course that we put a ton of time into called How To Create Time for What Matters Most In Your Life. If that sounds exciting and interesting and you want a bunch of other free goodies and giveaways along with that, just go to successpodcast.com. You can sign up right on the homepage. That’s successpodcast.com. Or if you’re on your phone right now, all you have to do is text the word smarter, that’s S-M-A-R-T-E-R to the number 44-222.

Now, for our interview with Stefan.

[0:01:35.0] MB: Stefan Thomke is a professor at Harvard Business School. He has worked with global firms on product, process and technology development, organizational design and change and strategy. He is a widely published author with articles in leading journals and is also author of the new book Experimentation Works: The Surprising Power of Business Experiments. He is the recipient of numerous awards, including awards from Harvard and Innovation and much more. Stefan, welcome to the Science of Success.

[0:02:03.9] ST: Well, great to be here. Thanks, Matt.

[0:02:05.7] MB: Well, we're so excited to have you on the show today. There's so many insights. Experimentation has always been something that I thought is so important and I'm really excited to bring you on here and dig into it. I want to start out with something that a lot of business leaders and business people today, when they're making decisions, what are the current tools that they're using to inform those decisions and why might those not be necessarily the best approach?

[0:02:34.9] ST: Well, when you're thinking about decisions depending on what decision you make, there are various tools available. If you're making financial decisions for example, if you're calculating net present value and things like that. There's a whole arsenal of tools. The big issue and this is what my book is really about is innovation here, because innovation is fundamentally about uncertainty. This is really this about decision-making under uncertainty.

Usually in organizations, we're all about driving out uncertainty. In fact, a lot of the traditional tools are about eliminating, or minimizing uncertainty. In innovation, uncertainty actually creates opportunity. I always tell folks that in innovation, uncertainty is your friend, uncertainty and variability is your friend, because it creates opportunity for someone else to move into that space.

Now why is then uncertainty so difficult? Why is decision-making under uncertainty so difficult? Well, it helps to be a little bit more precise here about what uncertainty really means. When it comes to innovation, you face different kinds of uncertainties in a company every single day. First there is R&D uncertainty. That is when you're trying to create something new, does it and it could be a product, or service, or a customer experience, does it actually work as intended?

Then we have scale up uncertainty. Make something work, but can we scale it up? Can we make it at large volume, high-quality, reasonable cost and so forth. Then we have customer experience uncertainty. For a customer-facing, do we really know that the customers want what we are creating? Are they willing to pay for it? Lots of questions.

Then finally, there is what I call business uncertainty. If you're running a business, you need to make an investment decision. Again, the tools that we typically use for these kinds of things is net present value, internal rate of returns and these kinds of things. The reality of course is that when you're dealing with innovation and uncertainty, often you are the one who is actually creating the market. You're creating the segment. How do you put a net present value in something that doesn't exist yet?

How do we deal with this, Matt? Well, we rely on experience. Experience can really get in the way for us in a whole myriad of reasons. Then some of the listeners may say, “Well, but now we live in a world of big data and analytics and we can do – we can use all that to make decision-making better.” Here, we run into another set of problems. That is if something is really novel, by definition there is less data. Because if there was a lot of data around, that means someone has already done it before. It wouldn't be very novel. Then of call context matter; something that works in one context, doesn't work in another context.

Then third, I think and this is a big problem and I’m happy to maybe go more deeply into that. When you're running analysis in a lot of data, you get correlations. Correlations means that one variable changes along with another variable, they call vary. You don't really get information about causation. Of course, we're really interested in causation. We want to know that if I take an action, I want to have a certain outcome.

You can see where the challenges come in when you're traditional decision-making and of course, that's where the experiment comes in, because the experiment allows us to address some of these dilemmas and a well-designed controlled experiment will actually tell me something about causality.

[0:06:22.2] MB: Yeah, that's a great insight into what uncertainty is and how we start to think about making decisions under conditions of uncertainty. That topic especially has been one that we've really strived hard to answer on the podcast. I'm curious, coming back to innovation, before we even dig into experimentation which is a huge component of this. Tell me about innovation and what is the actual definition of innovation and what is the difference between that and things like invention and what people often perceive innovation being.

[0:06:55.9] ST: Well, when we think about innovation, we really think about two things; first element on this is of course, novelty. That's what usually comes to mind right away, but then there's also value. It's novelty, plus value. That makes it very different than the word ‘invention’. The word ‘invention’ is usually associated with patents. For those of you who have your name on a patent, know that there's no value requirement in a patent. Just has to be new and non-obvious and never published before.

Invention is an input to innovation, but it's not quite the same thing. In fact, I've seen companies that have lots of patents that created no value for anybody. Now the outputs of innovation could be many things; could be products, could be services, it could be new customer experiences. Then of course, it could be processes. I've seen companies that are really great at process innovation. Could be new technologies. This is perhaps one of the most difficult things to do for companies, it’s business model innovation. How do you create a new business model while you’re trying to make money with an existing business model?

Now when we think about innovation, we also think about different degrees. Often, Matt, when people talk about innovation, they often think about disruption, or breakthroughs and these kinds of things. Well, most innovation in the world is incremental. I think it's actually perfectly okay, because incremental innovation is more predictable. Incremental innovation is something that everybody can do. If I told all your listeners, “From tomorrow morning on, you're going to be a disruptive innovator,” most of us wouldn't know what to do. Like, “Do I come to work late? Do I dress differently? I mean, what do I actually do?”

Then of course, incremental innovation in the digital age is a little different than we traditionally think about incremental innovation. In the past, Matt, we associated incremental innovation with incremental changes in performance. In the digital world, that's no longer true. In fact, incremental small changes can have a massive impact on performance, because if you are a digital, you can scale things instantly and you can stale it to possibly hundreds of millions of people.

Even perhaps a 2% or 3% or 4% change, that's considered to be small, can actually have tens or even hundreds of millions of revenue impact. What is innovation? Well, it's all of this. It's all of this what I just described. To do it, you really need different models of approaching it.

[0:09:42.2] MB: That's a great point. You have a really good story about Bing and a very small change that they made there that led to a huge impact, because – I'd like to hear that, because it's so important to understand that almost the power of compound interest, these little changes can accrue and create huge results.

[0:10:02.3] ST: Absolutely, Matt. A big change is usually the result of the sum of many small changes. The Microsoft example, or the Bing example is a fascinating example. There's a Microsoft employee who was working on the search engine, of course. Had an idea about changing the way displayed ad headline. He thought by taking some of the subtext in the headline and moving it up and making the headline longer, that could actually have an impact on user engagement.

The employee showed this to a manager and the manager looked at it and wasn't really sure whether this would lead to anything. Because you can imagine that when you're adding more to a headline, maybe users will not read the headline because it's too long. Any case, the manager basically didn't pick up on that and this idea just lingered. It wasn't a complex idea. Would only take a few days to actually make the changes.

It lingered and then after six months or so, the engineer I think got a little impatient and decided just to go ahead with it, I assume without management permission and just launched this thing. Within hours, an alarm goes off. Now Bing, or Microsoft has lots of KPIs that they monitor automatically. When something unusually happens, there's a set of different kinds of alarms go off, this was an alarm called a too-good-to-be-true alarm. Something really strange happened when he launched this thing.

Immediately when the alarm goes off, an investigation begins. It's usually when you get a too-good-to-be-true alarm, there's some a coding error, except they couldn't find one. They run it again and the result replicates. Now what's even more amazing is that that change which by the way, again, it only took a few days of time led to an astonishing 12% of increased revenue. This was more than a 100 million dollars in just that one year alone and of course, more than a 100 million dollars in subsequent years.

Now what made the difference here? Well, the difference is the ability of an employee to actually launch the experiment and find out, because if the employee never launched the experiment, they would have never known. It's all about opportunity cost. It's an amazing story, where a small change led to a massive impact on revenue. In fact, turns out that people at Microsoft told me that this was in fact that biggest, most significant change or experiment that they ran in the history of Bing.

[0:12:47.3] MB: It's amazing. It reminds me of some of the research that has been done around creativity, which comes to a similar conclusion, which is that it's really, really hard especially in uncertain conditions for even the most experienced managers, or the people with a lot of previous success, or expertise to actually predict in the future what will succeed and what will fail. If you look at some of the creativity science, compositions from Beethoven and Bach and patents and all kinds of stuff, and even the most eminent creators really had very little ability to predict whether or not their next output would be a smashing success, or a total failure. That to me is very similar to what you're saying about business results and the importance of having a systematic approach to pursuing innovation.

[0:13:37.9] ST: That's absolutely right, Matt. I saw it in my research. In fact, I even got some data from companies on this. Turns out that and this was pretty consistent across different companies who are running a lot of these experiments. They all told me that they get it wrong about eight to nine out of 10 times. 80% to 90% of the times when they launch an experiment and they have a hypothesis, it turns out that when they observe the result that they get either a null result, or they get a negative result and that is that the effect is in the opposite direction of what they expected.

You can imagine now is – I mean, it's daunting, right? Is that you're running these experiments and you know ahead of time that you're much more likely to get it wrong, to get it right, and that is predicting what customers or consumers will do. It's just a normal way of doing things. When you're dealing with such “high-failure rates,” so what is the best approach to get this resolved? How do I adjudicate these kinds of things? Maybe the solution is and this is again what I'm advocating is just to run a lot of experiments.

That is if you're running say, a 1,000 experiments a year and you only get a 10% hit rate, you're still getting a 100 experiments that work and one of those experiments could be like the Bing experiment. You're also getting laser-precision, and that is you launch an experiment. Again, if it's well-designed, if it's controlled, it will actually tell you which actions cost what outcome. This is extremely powerful.

[0:15:25.7] MB: You touched on this a little bit, but to me it's really important to understand the success rate of experiments and the reality that even some of the top experiment-driven companies in the world, people like Amazon, etc., are still batting way less than 50%. Something like 10%, 20% success rate is a great success rate for running experiments in your business.

[0:15:52.0] ST: Absolutely. In fact, if the success rate were too high, I'd honestly be a little concerned, because maybe then they're not trying hard enough. Maybe they're being too conservative about what they're trying. Maybe they're already testing things that they already know. In fact, I think it's even desirable to have a fairly low success rate.

By the way, success is a loaded word in this context. Success and failure and what does failure mean? I know failure itself is not necessarily a positive word. I'm always very careful about what I mean by failure. I draw a distinction between what I call failure and a mistake. A mistake to me is something that creates absolutely no value. There's no learning going on. For example, operational execution. You’ll find the Amazon and I'm building yet another distribution center. That to me is an operational execution. There's really no question that I'm trying to answer here.

Of course, I want to minimize these kinds of things. I want to minimize mistakes. Failures are something different. Failures are at the heart of how the innovation process works. Usually, a failure is preceded by a question. When I've got a question or even a hypothesis and I'll run something and I get a failure, that then allows me to refine my hypothesis, or even refine my question and run another experiment and another experiment, another experiment. They all build on each other and there's learning going on each time it happens.

What you want to do is as an organization, you want to create an organization where failure is okay, failure is encouraged, but where mistakes are discouraged or minimized. That of course is very difficult. If you're operating at a large number of experiments and you're operating in an environment where in this case, failure 80% to 90% is just the way things do work every single day. It's normal.

I think whenever I run into people who operate in these kinds of environments, they're quite honestly don't think that much about these failures. It's just normal, because you see so many every single day.

[0:18:03.4] MB: That's a great point in understanding that distinction between a mistake and a failure is a critical piece of the mindset of experimentation. I want to come back to the broader concept of using experiments within business. Let's talk about and I'm curious to hear from you what are some of the best practices, the strategies, because it's easy to say, “Oh, yeah. I should be doing more experiments.” How do we actually start to really integrate those into our business? How do we really start to think about actually bringing experimentation into the workflow and the resource allocation and the processes of an organization?

[0:18:44.3] ST: That's a great question, Matt. I think may be helpful perhaps to take a step back and ask ourselves, first what is an experiment.

[0:18:51.4] MB: Yeah, that'd be great actually.

[0:18:53.4] ST: Yes, because usually when people speak about experiments in just a casual English language, I think they mean very different things. Often when I say I experiment, I mean, I'm trying something. Sometimes when I see in companies, an experiment becomes an experiment after the fact they've tried something and it didn't work and therefore, they won't call it an experiment. It wasn't really an experiment at the outset. There are different kinds of experiments that companies can run. When I talk about experiments, I mean, disciplined or rigorous experiments in the spirit of the scientific method.

Let me give you the pure definition first of what an ideal experiment is and of course, sometimes we have to relax some of these conditions, because sometimes the environments don't allow us to do these kinds of experiments. Here's what we're trying to accomplish in an experiment; in a perfect experiment, we have someone who's testing, a tester. In this perfect experiment, the tester will actually separate and what we call an independent variable, that is the pursuant cost, that is the thing that we're trying to change. For example, say a bonus that we want to give to the sales force.

From a dependent variable and the dependent variable for us is the observed effect. That for example, would be the revenue that that sales person generates, while holding all other potential cost is constant. That would be the ideal, right? You're only changing one thing and then you're observing some variable at the end and you don't have to worry about any of the other possible causes changing while I'm doing the experiment and affecting the experiment.

Now of course, that's an ideal experiment and maybe in a scientific laboratory, sometimes you can create these conditions where it can hold everything else constant. In a business, you can't really do that. There's a lot of things that are changing all the time. That's fine, because we can deal with that. The way we actually deal with a lot of things changing all the time is we randomize.

Going back to the example with the salesperson, what we want to do is the revenue that a salesperson generates could be affected by many things. It could be by maybe whether the person was sick on a particular day. It could be affected by the weather in certain environments. It could be affected by many, many different things of course, but we're only interested in one thing and that is the bonus that we're giving to that salesperson.

Again, the way we deal with this in experiments, we randomize, that is we take basically two groups or multiple groups, if there are multiple levels of experiments and then what we do is we basically randomly assign subjects, basically to these two conditions. One is basically no bonus and one is bonus. Now why do we randomize? The reason for randomization is really clever. That is we're taking all the other possible causes that could affect in a revenue of that salesperson and we equally distribute it across all the different salespeople that we’re testing them on.

By for example, flipping a coin, and so what we're doing is this way, we're doing is we're making sure that no particular sales person is biased in a particular way, which then would pollute the result. I think, Matt, maybe you're getting a sense of where I’m heading in. There's a lot of thought that needs to go into the design of these kinds of things to make sure that they work.

Now intuitively, the way people would often approach this, if you had this issue, the way they typically approach this – again, let's pick the salesperson problem again. What we would do is we would basically pick up here, say of a month and we're basically let the salesperson work for a month with no bonus. Then we do another period for a month where we actually approach the same problem again. We would basically take the salesperson and then give them a bonus. Then we compare the two periods. That would be the wrong way to do it, because it could be that during those two periods, there are a lot of other factors at work; the weather could be very different, the salesperson would feel very different. There are lots of different things going on. Maybe there are health issues. Lots of different things. We don't want to do that. We call that an observational studies, because there is no control.

The reason why we do it together at the same time, we run it at the same time, we split it essentially up in a condition where there is no bonus and the condition where there's a bonus is that we can then compare and contrast. We have a control that allows us really again to disentangle that one variable that we're interested in from all the other variables. That's just to get a sense of what a really good experiment looks like. There are many other variables that I talk about in the book that we ought to think through when we're actually designing the experiment. Some of them are may not be totally obvious, but if you don't do that the integrity of the results that come back may not be very good. Then the problem is and then you get a lot of noise and then you still don't know what decision to make, because of the high noise conditions. Yeah, hopefully that's helpful, Matt.

[0:24:21.2] MB: Yeah, that's really helpful and shines a lot of light on what needs to go into an experiment. I like the clarification of what differentiates an experiment from an observational study and those two distinctions as well.

[0:24:35.4] ST: By the way, Matt, there's a lot of research out there. There was actually a very famous paper written, a highly cited paper in the medical community where someone did a meta study. They actually compared medical studies where you would imagine the rigor is much, much higher than what we typically do in management. They actually compare observational studies with controlled studies. Turned out when they actually did the comparison, they found that most observational studies don't replicate. That is you can reproduce the result that you observed in that one observational studies.

It turns out that when you have control studies, they are more likely to be replicated than not. That tells you something about the importance of making that distinction. When you’re trying to run experiments, in which you try to identify cause and effect.

[0:25:27.3] MB: Very interesting.

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[0:27:33.0] MB: I want to come back to the second part that I asked you before we delved into this really necessary definition of what an experiment is. Coming back to this idea, how do you think about this strategies, the best practices, etc., for actually implementing experimentation in your business? Because that's one I've long thought that experimentation is really important, but often struggled with thinking about exactly how do we really make that a part of what we're actually executing from a day-to-day perspective in our business?

[0:28:05.1] ST: The question is really how do you build an experimentation capability in your business? Building a capability involves a number of different things. There are different factors and I'll just give you some examples without going through all of them. The book is quite detailed about these things.

First of all, of course you need an infrastructure and you need the tools. You don't want people to reinvent these tools every single time. Some of the leading companies while you're looking at an Amazon, or a booking, or Microsoft, or any of these company, Netflix, that do this at large scale in an online business, they all have a fairly advanced infrastructure. Even if you go brick-and-mortar, even in brick-and-mortar environments, there are tools available that you can use.

Now the good news is there are third-party tools, so you don't have to really build the same kinds of infrastructure that these companies had to build when they got started and the tools were not around. The tools are important. The tools turns out and this is often surprising. The tools may be the easier part, because you know what to do and if you put enough money into it and you hire enough people and all that.

I think the harder part is to build a culture for experimentation, to make sure that the behaviors and the norms and these kinds of things actually facilitate experiments, rather than inhibit them. That can be tricky, especially when you're trying to grow up and scale, when you're trying to do more than maybe just run 5 or 10 of those a year, when you suddenly want to run a 100 or 500, or even a 1,000, or even more than that. The culture really gets in the way.

There's a number of different elements that I identify, Matt, that are important when you're thinking about an experimentation culture. In fact, I call when you reach the end point, when you really create an experimentation culture, I call this an experimentation organization. Let me give you just quick five examples. The first is what I call cultivate curiosity. If you want to experiment, you need curious people, because they need to ask a lot of questions and they need to come up with a lot of hypotheses, because in order to feed a big experimentation apparatus, if you want to feed the infrastructure, you need a lot of hypotheses to feed it. Unless, you have a curious environment where people see failures not as costly mistakes, but as opportunities for learning, you're not going to get there.

The second thing I think that's really important is to create an environment where data trumps opinions most of the time. This is really difficult, because we often are driven by opinions, sometimes the boss's opinions. That's not going to work in an environment like this. Human nature is a big obstacle here.

We tend to happily accept what we call good results, the kinds of results that seem to go with our intuition, or that confirm our biases. When we see something that we consider to be bad that goes against our assumptions, we will then thoroughly investigate those things and even challenge them. You need to create an environment where in fact, where the data is essentially king. That doesn't mean by the way that every decision has to be made exactly according to what the experiment says. There are other reasons why you may not want to do it. On average and most of the times, the data has to trump opinions.

The third one is what I call you have to democratize experiments. That means you have to empower people to run experiments without getting permission every single time, because if they have to get permission every single time, you're not going to get scale. That requires again, an environment that's totally transparent, where people can also stop any experiment that they want, but it's completely democratized.

The fourth one is ethics. When you run experiments, you've got to be ethically sensitive. Sometimes it's very difficult to answer that question, to figure out what is actually unethical and what is ethical. Sometimes it's actually quite clear cut. If you're running unethical experiments, I can tell you, it's not going to be good for business in the long run and there many examples out there when companies ran experiments that maybe they didn't consider them to be unethical, but where users were not really happy about them and that really backfired.

Then finally a fifth one and there's more out there, but I just want to give you five examples is you have to embrace a different leadership model. That is the role that leaders have to play in an experimented culture is actually quite different than what they traditionally do. If in fact it turns out that a lot of decisions are adjudicated by experiments, you have to ask yourself what in fact is the role of a senior leader in an environment like this?

[0:33:00.6] MB: I'd be curious to dig into that a little bit more. What are the changes in the leadership model that are necessitated by a focus on experimentation, a focus on more data and a focus on using some of these methodologies?

[0:33:15.6] ST: Well, I think first of all, leaders have to acknowledge that maybe sometimes they're part of the problem, broad interest being only part of the solution. There's a word for those leaders out there in the community. It's called a HPO, a highest paid person's opinion. I think we all know that hippos are very dangerous animals. Sometimes when the hippo is out there, when they're circulating in an organization, it's very difficult for employees to challenge these HPOs.

What is in fact then the role of these senior leaders? Well, I've defined three roles, three important roles in these kinds of environments. Of course, there are still some decisions, like what’s the strategic direction and what acquisitions to make? These are the kinds of things that may not be testable anyway. When it's testable, three things again, which I think are really important. First of all, the leader has to send a grand challenge that can be broken into testable hypotheses.

Why is that important? Well, if you have an environment where there's a lot of people who are just experimenting running lots of experiments, you want to make sure that the experiments are aiming at a certain direction, rather than just doing things willy-nilly. There has to be an overall program that these experiments push forward. That's what I call the grand challenge. What is the grand challenge here that we're aiming towards? Then once you have a grand challenge, obviously you may not be able to test that grand challenge. For example, it could be create the best online user experience in the industry. You got to then break that down into lots of small hypotheses that all aim towards that goal.

The second one and that one is really important as well, is senior leaders have to put in place the systems and the resources to make it possible. You can't expect organizations to suddenly do a lot of experiments if the resources and the systems are not in place. It's things like what I talked about before, infrastructure tools and so on. Then they also need to think about what the right organizational design is. How do I – if people are starting to experiment, which groups start out? Where's the expertise in my organization? How do I roll it out? What are the decision rights and so on and so on?

Then the third role which I think is just as important is to be a role model. Now what does it mean to be a role model? It means that the leaders have to live by the same rules as everyone else. It also means that their own ideas have to be subjected to these kinds of tests. That's very difficult. One CEO told me that this is hard for most CEOs. You can't have an ego thinking that you always know best. It involves going into a meeting and telling people, “I just don't know.” Admit that you're wrong, having intellectual humility and so on.

Francis Bacon, the forefather of the scientific method once said and I really love that quote, Matt. “If a man will begin with certainties, he shall end in doubts. But if he will be content to begin with doubts, he shall end in certainties.” You have to have that. That's the challenge. I think a lot of the leaders have to look in the mirror and really ask themselves whether their approach is really the right approach in this world that we're currently operating in.

There's a fun story at booking.com, where a new CEO came in and the team had some discussion around what the best logo design is. The CEO then basically said, “I decided this is the logo that we're going to go with.” People then looked at him and asked, “Well, that's an interesting suggestion. We'll run the test and we'll let you know what happens.” You need that healthy culture, where even the senior leaders can be challenged.

[0:37:20.4] MB: Yeah, that's such a great point. Oftentimes, one of my favorite Peter Drucker quotes is that the bottleneck is always at the top of the bottle. In the same vein, it's so easy for leadership to sometimes get in their own way around looking at the data, or putting their own opinions aside, etc.

[0:37:39.3] ST: Sometimes, Matt, even the leaders have the best intentions. There's a great story, another story. Ron Johnson. I don't know if you're familiar with that story. Ron Johnson was together with Steve Jobs. They created the Apple Store. It's really fascinating, because the Apple store is by any measure, perhaps the most successful retail concept that I think was created maybe in the last decade and enormously successful.

JCPenney, another big retailer in the US decides – they're looking at Apple and they're seeing all these amazing things happening and they decide, “Why don't we hire Ron Johnson as the CEO and with a mandate to do the sorts of magical things that he did for Apple.” At the time, I think Ron was a retail God, I mean, by any measure.

He gets hired as a CEO with a big incentive package. He comes to JCPenney and starts to implement a new bold plan. He does the kinds of things that he did at Apple, such as eliminating coupons. He has branded boutiques and new technology and all sorts of things. 17 months later, JCPenney is fighting for survival. Sales have plunged. Losses are soaring. Johnson loses his job and he's out and they're bringing the old CEO back in with a mandate to restore all the things that they did before Johnson arrived. The question is what actually went wrong? I mean, they had lots of data and so forth.

If you can listen to the folks there and the people on the board and others, they will tell you. They said, “Part of the problem is that we didn't run the test. We didn't run the experiments.” That probably could have told you. We don't know it's a counterfactual. We don't know whatever. They probably could have at least given you an indication that somebody's changes are not going to work for the kinds of customers that go to a JCPenney.

Even Ron Johnson later on reflected on this. He said that nothing rightfully, so he doesn't consider himself to be an arrogant person. He actually comes across as quite modest. He referred to this as situational arrogance. It's not that you're generally arrogant and you get so confident in your results, because you're so successful that you become situationally arrogant. The kinds of context that he was in just didn't transfer into the context that JCPenney had.

You have to again, even as a senior leader, even when you're really successful, you always got to look in the mirror and saying, “Is what I'm doing really true?” Even run the test. We've seen it at Snap Inc. it happened and many other companies, where people – where senior leaders got a little bit ahead of themselves. They didn't do enough testing and they paid the price.

[0:40:42.9] MB: Such a great insight. I want to bring back one other topic that we touched on earlier and just get your sense around this. Is there a certain organizational scale that this starts to kick in at? Or asking this in a different way; I can see this totally makes sense at a Fortune 500, a big company, huge budget. You could have a whole department that's doing this. For somebody who's in a small business, or a startup, or there's a sense of resource scarcity, how do you think about implementing this experimentation mindset and methodology at a smaller scale, at an organization that may not have the budget, or the opportunity to pursue it at that big of a level?

[0:41:26.4] ST: Yes. Even smaller companies that don't have the budgets or the resources can in fact adopt the same kinds of approaches. In fact, I think in these kinds of environments, it may be even more valuable. By the way, research by one of my colleagues has actually shown that they do actually adopt a lot of the tools in one space for sure, I called AB testing. It's one experiment and there are lots of tools out there. They adopt those tools. It actually helps them, because the tools end up being less expensive than heavily investing in market research, which they often don't have the resources for either. Rather than doing a lot of market research and trying to figure out what works and what doesn't work for more qualitative methods, they all just test it. That's one issue.

The other issue that often comes up, Matt, is the issue of sample size. Yes, maybe we're startup, maybe we have very small sample sizes, or even in a brick-and-mortar environment. We're not like a Booking that has 500 to 700 million visitors a month. We may have a much, much smaller number of visitors to our website. Or if we are a brick-and-mortar environment, we may only have maybe a few stores or so on which can try to experiment in. It turns out that even in small sample environment, you can run experiments.

There are actually again, analytical techniques that are available that allow you to get meaningful results from small sample environments, which are some of these methods are again, described in the book.

There's another thing also, which is important too. That is turns out that when you make bigger changes, you end up needing smaller sample sizes. It has to do with the power of statistical concept. If you make very small changes, then of course, you need larger sample size. The intuition is quite clear, that is you have a lot of noise in the background. Then if you make big changes, you want to basically detect the changes relative to the noise. It just takes the bigger the changes, the easier is this to detect it, so you can get away with smaller sample sizes.

I encourage small organizations that perhaps have much less traffic, or even in brick-and-mortar environment, encourage them to make bigger changes. It's also the question, what do you use experiments for? There are different kinds of experiments that you can run. You can certainly run optimization experiments. This is the kinds of experiments they say an Amazon will run on their websites to make sure that everything is optimized and that's what everybody essentially. All the big players essentially do.

You can also run exploration type of experiments, where maybe you're just exploring direction. Now, that's not going to give you causality, because you may be changing too many variables at the same time to give you a meaningful sense for causality about one individual variable. It may give you just a sense of direction, which then can be followed up by smaller experiments, more isolated experiments that then can teach you again about causality.

You're mixing. You're going back and forth. You could maybe toggle between your more exploration type of experiments and then more optimization experiments. There are lots of different ways of doing this. Again, I tried to outline all these different ways in the book.

[0:45:02.9] MB: For listeners who want to concretely implement this in their lives in some way, what would be one action step that you would give them to start implementing more experimentation in their lives or their business?

[0:45:17.0] ST: Well, I think beginning, you need to first acknowledge. You need to be aware that experimentation matters I always tell people experimentation is the engine of innovation. If you want to innovate, you need to experiment.

Now most people would say and in fact all people would say, “That's a good thing. I understand that I need to experiment more.” Then the question is what's the next step? The next step is you need to adopt some rigorous framework. You have to build some discipline around it, rather than thinking about experiments, “Okay, we're just trying something.” I think that's an important starting point. Be committed to building an organizational capability around it.

It also means that you can't do it alone. You need people around you. Then once you start and once you have some framework in place, it doesn't have to be the ideal experiment, but it needs to have some elements of what a good experiment is. Once you have that in place, you can start thinking about designing experiments. What would be involved, for example?

Well, the ability to write down a good hypothesis. We know. We use the word hypothesis all the time. Trying to understand some of what a good hypothesis is and what a bad hypothesis is, maybe train people, giving them templates of what it is. That's just an example of what I mean by a framework. Then once you have that in place, you just got to get going on, and so you get better at it and start overtime, then scaling it.

People sometimes get a little nervous when they hear, “Oh, okay. The companies are running a thousand experiments, even tens of thousands of experiments a year.” You have to always remember that all these companies started small. They all started with a handful of experiments. Then over time, they just got better and better and they gradually increased scale.

I think that would be my recommendation. Just get going on it. Don't think too much about it. Experimentation is going to be part of the competitive game going forward, whether you're in digital, moving into digital, or not digital. In fact, some CEOs told me that are doing this at large scale, unless you do this, you're going to be dead. I mean, that's a pretty big endorsement. That's my advice. Get going on it.

[0:47:34.0] MB: Where can listeners find you and the book and your work online?

[0:47:38.4] ST: The book is of course, available in all bookstores, online and also physical bookstores. It's out there, all the usual ones; Amazon and Barnes & Noble, independent bookstores and so forth. If they want to learn more about what I do, you can find me online. I'm at Harvard Business School. I'm not going anywhere. I'm here. I've been here for almost 25 years now. You would find me on www.thomke.com and that will take you directly to Harvard Business School, my website. You can also go directly to Harvard Business School and search me.

If you want to contact me, you can send me a link. In the request, just tell me where you heard me, so I can make the connection. If you've got a question, send me an e-mail. It's very simple as well. It's just the t@hbs.adu. Lots of different ways to get to me.

[0:48:34.9] MB: Well Stefan, thank you so much for coming on the show, for sharing all this wisdom, great insights into the power of experimentation.

[0:48:43.5] ST: Thanks, Matt. Thanks for having me.

[0:48:45.4] MB: Thank you so much for listening to the Science of Success. We created this show to help you our listeners, master evidence-based growth. I love hearing from listeners. If you want to reach out, share your story, or just say hi, shoot me an e-mail. My e-mail is matt@successpodcast.com. That’s M-A-T-T@successpodcast.com. I’d love to hear from you and I read and respond to every single listener e-mail.

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Thanks again, and we'll see you on the next episode of the Science of Success.

March 12, 2020 /Lace Gilger
Decision Making, Focus & Productivity
Bruce Daisley-03.png

The Hidden Lie of the #Hustle Culture

January 30, 2020 by Lace Gilger in Focus & Productivity, Health & Wellness

Modern work has become exhausting and dissatisfying, but it doesn’t have to be that way. We share strategies for defeating burnout and making progress on the most important and meaningful things in your work with our guest Bruce Daisley.

Bruce Daisley is the former European Vice-President for Twitter and host of the UK’s number one business podcast Eat Sleep Work Repeat. He is also the author of the bestselling “The Joy of Work: 30 Ways to Fix Your Work Culture and Fall in Love with Your Job Again” and the soon to be released “Eat Sleep Work Repeat: 30 Hacks for Bringing Joy to Your Job”. Bruce has also been recognized as one of the 500 Most Influential People in Britain.

  •  We are in a crisis situation with work.

  • The average working day has gone up from 7 hours to 9 hours in the last 15 years

  • We are in the midst of a burnout epidemic. Half of all US workers are in a state of burnout. 

  • The average state of working is heightened anxiety and stress, and it’s having a major toll on us. 

  • More than ever before work is becoming part of our identity, much more than any previous generation. 

  • We lionize people like Elon Musk as roll models and ask ourselves - do I need to work that long and hard?

  • What is the impact on your energy, output, cognitive ability, and results of working 100+ hours per week?

  • The total productivity of people working more than 50 hours per week is less than those who work more. 

  • Working more than 50 hours per week is LESS productive than working less than 50 hours per week IN TOTAL PRODUCTIVITY, not per hour. 

  • Working relentlessly creates fatigue and lessens total aggregate output 

  • Scarcity forces you to make decisions. If you knew that you only had 40 hours of productive work per week, then you’re forced to make scarcity decisions about what the most important way to spend your time is. 

  • Right now we aren’t making KEY trade offs and scarcity decisions about how to spend our time - we are trying to cram as much in as possible. 

  • There are serious problems with #hustle culture

  • The 3 major brain systems and how they relate to productivity, creativity, and insights 

  • The best ideas live in the spaces between - not during periods of intense focus - when your “default mode” network is working 

  • We have no blueprint for work

  • We’ve developed a new version of work that no one really agreed to. Constant email. Open plan offices. The average person spends 16 hrs per week in meetings and sends/receives 200 emails per day. 

  • Walking meetings are a powerful strategy to improve your focus and creativity. 

  • We are seeing technological breakthroughs in work, yet none of them are translating to productivity rises. 

  • We haven’t innovated the way we work, despite technological change. 

  • “Turning off notifications on your phone can be one of the most productive things you do.”

  • Conduct meetings where phones are not allowed. 

  • Teams that spend time together socially are more likely to be cohesive. 

  • Unlock the power of “Monk Mode Mornings” to make progress on the most meaning things in your work. 

  • Modern work has become exhausting and dissatisfying, but it doesn’t have to be that way. 

  • Homework: You have more power to change things than you think. Start a dialogue in your workplace. Bring evidence, science, and data to the conversation to help change your workplace culture. Your boss is navigating the new world of work with the same confusion that you are. 

  • Quite often, work is the lie we tell ourselves.

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Want To Dig In More?! - Here’s The Show Notes, Links, & Research

General

  •  Eat Sleep Work Repeat 

    • Website

    • Podcast

    • Twitter

  • Bruce Daisley’s LinkedIn and Twitter

  • Bad Boss Helpline

Media

  • The Drum - “Twitter’s EMEA VP Bruce Daisley departs after eight years” By Katie Deighton

  • People Management - “Bruce Daisley: “People check their work emails on a night out… they’re lying to themselves”” By Robert Jeffery

  • ResearchLive - “TWITTER’S BRUCE DAISLEY: ‘TURN OFF NOTIFICATIONS TO BEAT WORKPLACE STRESS’” by Katie McQuater

  • HR Magazine - “Bruce Daisley, author and VP EMEA, Twitter” by Ellie Froggatt

  • BDaily - “Interview: Twitter’s Bruce Daisley on work, balance and the science of sleep” by Richard Bell

  • Qubit Blog - “QTalks 2019 - The Joy of Work with Bruce Daisley” by Elli Lawson

  • Evening Standard - “Business interview: Twitter boss Bruce Daisley is a fast-talking news addict who’s found the right medium” by Mark Shapland 

  • [Podcast] The Internal Comms Podcast - Episode 08 - The Joy of Work

  • [Podcast] Hays Worldwide - Leadership Insights Podcast - PODCAST 7: THE SECRETS BEHIND A GREAT WORKPLACE CULTURE with Bruce Daisley, EMEA Vice President, Twitter

  • [Podcast] Life Done Differently - Bruce Daisley - How 'Cartoon Boy' finds the fast lane

  • [Podcast] How To Be Awesome at Your Job - 384: Bringing More Joy into Work with Bruce Daisley

  • [Podcast] Ctrl Alt Delete w/ Emma Gannon - #171 Bruce Daisley: How To Fall Back In Love With Your Job Again

  • [Podcast] CULTURELAB WITH AGA BAJER- Bruce Daisley: How to Fix Your Culture and Enjoy Work More

Videos

  • TEDxTalks - How To Turn Work Into Joy | Bruce Daisley | TEDxNewcastle

  • EatSleepWorkRepeat podcast Channel

    • Modern Work is A Lie - Bruce Daisley

  • Market Research Society - Twitter's Bruce Daisley on idiot bosses and a happier work place

  • HRD Leaders - 30 Ways to Fix Your Work Culture and Fall in Love with Your Job Again

  • Like Minds - Keynote: Bruce Daisley – EMEA Vice President, Twitter.

  • Unbound - unbound 2017 - Eat Sleep Work Repeat

  • Wayra Startups - Twitter's Bruce Daisley on surviving the modern working world

Books

  • Eat Sleep Work Repeat: 30 Hacks for Bringing Joy to Your Job  by Bruce Daisley

  • The Joy of Work: And 25 Ways to Find It by Bruce Daisley

Misc

  • [Article] Stanford (SIEPR) - “The Future of Hours of Work?” By John Pencavel

  • [Discussion Article] - “The Productivity of Working Hours” By John Pencavel

  • Stanford Faculty Profile and Publications listing: John H Pencavel

  • Paul Graham - Maker’s Schedule, Manager’s Schedule

Episode Transcript

[00:00:04.4] ANNOUNCER: Welcome to The Science of Success. Introducing your host, Matt Bodnar.

[00:00:11] MB: Welcome to the Science of Success, the number one evidence-based growth podcast on the internet with more than 5 million downloads and listeners in over a hundred countries.

Modern work has become exhausting and dissatisfying, but it doesn’t have to be that way. In this episode, we share strategies for defeating burnout and making progress on the most important and meaningful things in your work with our guest, Bruce Daisley.

Are you a fan of the show and have you been enjoying the content that we’ve put together for you? If you have, I would love it if you signed up for our email list. We have some amazing content on their along with a really great free course that we put a ton of time into called How to Create Time for What Matters Most in Your Life. If that sounds exciting and interesting and you want a bunch of other free goodies and giveaways along with that, just go to successpodcast.com. You can sign up right on the homepage. That successpodcast.com, or if you're on your phone right now, all you have to do is text the word “smarter”, that’s S-M-A-R-T-E-R to the number 44222. 

In our previous episode, we showed you the power of listening. Taught you how to transform the way that you listen and unlock an incredible set of communication skills that almost no one uses or even understands with our previous guest, Julian Treasure.

Now, for an interview with Bruce. 

[00:01:39] MB: Today, we have another exciting guest on the show, Bruce Daisley. Bruce is the former European vice president for Twitter and host of the UK's number one business podcast Eat Sleep Work Repeat. He’s also the author of the best-selling The Joy of Work: 30 Ways to Fix Your Work Culture and Fall in Love with Your Job Again and the soon to be released Eat Sleep Work Repeat: 30 Hacks for Bringing Joy to Your Job. Bruce has also been recognized as one of the 500 most influential people in Britain. Bruce, welcome to the Science of Success.

[00:02:10] BD: Thank you. So good to talk to you. 

[00:02:12] MB: Well, it’s so good to have you on the show. I'm so excited to dig into your work. I think it's so important and something that's a really relevant and timely topic especially in today's age. To start out with, I’d love to begin with a look at modern work and the state of modern work. You've obviously been a very successful business executive and seen a lot of this firsthand and uncovered some really interesting phenomenon. What's going on with work today?

[00:02:39] BD: Yeah. I think we’re in something of a crisis situation where silently over the last few years we found ourselves sleepwalking into a situation where by one estimate, the average working day has gone up by two hours over the last 15 years. But every step of the way, we felt that the changes that were coming were benign. The reason why the average working day has gone up is because we're spending more and more time on our mobile devices. 

Now, look, if you said to anyone, “I'm going to take email off your phone,” we’d all be really offended by it. We love email being on our phone. It makes work feel more manageable. It makes our working lives feel more easily adapted around our private lives. We love that aspect of our work, but the consequence of it has been that the average working day has gone up. There’s one of the challenges. 

Now, the output of that, the outcome of that is that we’re in something of a burnout epidemic. Burnout is recognized by the World Health Organization as a genuine thing, and by some estimates, half of all U.S workers are in something of a stage of burnout where burnout where things we used to find enjoyable aren’t as enjoyable as they used to be or we find ourselves hyper stressed when we’re trying to go to sleep, but exhausted when we wake up in the morning. 

We’re in this phenomenon where a lot of us are feeling that the average state of working is heightened anxiety, stress and it's really just having a toll on our whole lives. Work is more than ever before becoming our identity. We’re starting to define ourselves who we are via talking about our jobs more than in any previous generation. 

My feeling was that in the spirit that you wholeheartedly come at this podcast with, my whole feeling was that I wanted to explore whether there was any evidence. What data science would give us about how to address this balance? How could we get back to really finding that there was enjoyment in our jobs and what pointers would the evidence give us towards that? 

[00:04:49] MB: So many interesting points, and one of my favorite lines from the book was this idea of – And I think we've all had this experience of going to bed wide awake and waking up exhausted. Such a great way to encapsulate this major problem with the burnout that everybody is suffering from and the almost constant treadmill of anxiety that are working culture has become.

[00:05:11] BD: Yeah, absolutely. Look, it's not held by the fact that many of us find that maybe when we first go into the world of work and maybe if we’re in our late 20s, early 30s and we’re contemplating how to get on in work, how to – We've decided we want to be a success, we want to graduate to achieving more and the thing that we find very quickly is that the people that we see as models around us, people who say they've got the secrets of success. 

Quite often, model, practices that when we look at them we think, “Okay. Well, I need to do that.” Elon Musk, it would be no surprise if a few of your listeners thought, “Okay. I want to be a bit more Elon. How can I be more Elon?” Elon Musk, when he's asked about it, his own working practices, he says he works 130 hours a week. He says he sleep under his desk two or three days a week. You too can have the Elon Musk experience, get yourself down to Target and buy a sleeping bag and you too can have that Elon experience. That's the challenge that a lot of us see people like Elon as role models, and yet we believe therefore, “All, right. Do I need to work that long and hard?’ That's what I was interested in. 

Okay. Objectively, if we look at people work 100 hours a week and we measure them over the short to medium-term, what is the impact on their cognitive abilities? What's the impact on their energy? What’s the impact on their ability to get their job done? Here’s what we learn, people who sustain those long periods of work. There's long working hours over a long time. We all remember probably, your listeners probably remember a time at college where they were working longer into the night. But what we delete from that college story was the fact the next day we slept-in and then we had a four week vacation. 

Any time we actually look at when people work a hundred hours a week, what we discover pretty quickly is that productivity rather than going up, it goes down. In fact, one of the biggest pieces of research into these hundreds of thousands of data points was done by a guy called John Pencavel at Stanford University and he looked into average working hours sustained over the long-term and he concluded that anyone who works over 50 hours a week, their total productivity is lower than people who work less. That's fascinating, because that's not the lie we tell ourselves. 

We tell ourselves that certainly when it comes to us, we can work late into the night. We can work weekends. Maybe we can work early mornings, and yet when people have set about trying to measure that and demonstrate whether the data proves it, whether there’s data behind it, actually it seems that it's not the case. Working long hours is an illusion rather than a way to maximize our productivity.

[00:08:05] MB: Such an insightful point, and I want to clarify a piece of this because it's something that I wrestle with and struggle with and think about. The people who were more productive, is it that the marginal hour is less productive or their total aggregate output is less productive?

[00:08:22] BD: Total. Total. There’s the interesting thing. Here’s the strange thing. That dataset that John Pencavel worked with, he said that if people were working a seven day week, and I guess some people might be channeling a startup mentality. Maybe they tell themselves, “I’m going to work a seven day week.” If those people, if they're in the routine of working seven days a week, then if they get into a routine of working six days a week, their productivity is higher on those six days than it is on those 7 days. Why? Because we just carry that fatigue through every hour of working. 

In fact, the marginal increases from working hours. Stop going up after 55 hours work. John Pencavel says the increase between 50 hours and 55 hours is incredibly small. I think he said if anyone knew how small it was, they wouldn't optimize for work. But over 55 hours, over the course of the week, over 55 hours, their total output starts going down.

[00:09:18] MB: Staggering and so interesting. I definitely want to dig into that research a little bit more.

[00:09:22] BD: Isn’t it fascinating though that even though we hear all of these examples, Marissa Mayer when she was the chief executive of Yahoo, she described her time working at Google. She was employee number 20 at Google. She was asked the secret of her success, and like Elon Musk, she said the secret of her success was working 120 hours a week. She said that she also slept under her desk. She often didn't take bathroom breaks and she never went on vacation. There’s the same story painted out. Yet when we get someone to look at the evidence, we can't replicate that practice being productive. 

Look, here’s the interesting thing, that we look at other professions where people use their energy. Maybe let's look at track and field, and if someone told you that their plan to be the next Usain Bolt was them training 120 hours a week, the first thing we’d probably ask is, “Oh! Interesting. Does it work? Can you measure that that's more effective?” Why? Because we sort of know that that notion that you could while and train relentlessly, it must lead to fatigue. Yet here’s the strange thing. When it comes to our own jobs, it's like challenging religion. We feel uncomfortable with challenging the idea, the notion that we can work relentlessly. We can work infinitely. 

Here’s why I think this matters, because I think scarcity forces us to make decisions. If we knew that we only had 40 units of productive work a week, 40 hours of productive work, then what would we do? We’d start making decisions of scarcity. We’d start saying, “Okay, I don't want to be in that four-hour status meeting, because if I'm in that meeting for four hours, then that's a 10th of my week, and I could do something more productive,” and we start making decisions of scarcity. 

Here’s I think the really interesting conundrum that were presented with work right now. We’re not making those decisions of scarcity. W we tell ourselves, “I’ll work late into the night,” and yet maybe I was a classic example of these. I would routinely come home and I would be a kitchen table emailer. I would come home. I would eat some food. Maybe there would be TV on in the background, some music on. Maybe I would treat myself occasionally to a glass of wine, but I would sit at the kitchen table typing emails.

It was only latterly I sort of reflected on what I had actually accomplished. What did I do on that Monday not emailing? Well, I read one particular email, a difficult email. I read it four or five times. I closed it. I’d come back to it again. It’d change the music. I’d answer a couple of these emails. I’d then open a document. It was really complicated. I’d close it. I’d come back to it later. I wasn’t actually doing anything, but we sometimes create the illusion that we’re working. I think that’s the critical thing that I would say. I would say there’s so much evidence about how we could improve. 

I was swept away with how many papers, how much academia has gifted us in this field and yet so little of it reaches people in work. That was my feeling, “Wow! Such revelation is hitting me,” and I wanted to be able to share some of it with people in full-time profession. 

[00:12:41] MB: I want to come back to this topic of why we refuse to make these key scarcity decisions, but before we do, something else you said a minute ago really resonated with me and in many ways underpins a lot of this, which is this idea that more and more and more, work is becoming part of our identities, and this badge of honor that I work harder than anybody. I sleep under my desk. All of these stuff, it's a very slippery slope.

[00:13:08] BD: Yeah, very much so. Look, I'm really charmed when I see organizations that recognize another way. I saw the organization, Slack, and it really struck me that a lot of people who work at Slack said that it hadn’t been their first tech job. They'd been around the track once. That forged an impression in them. So Slack has a value that they, it’s one of their values, which is do a good day's work and go home. 

What does that mean? That means they have no football tables. They have no ping-pong tables. They don't have beer tap that serves beer if people stay late. They don’t have any of those things. They encourage people to do good days work and go home. Why? Because they believe that the richer people’s personal identities, the more that people have got passions and interests, those things bring themselves into people's work and they bring color to people's work. They bring diversity, a plurality of perspectives. 

I was really charmed with that, because I think so often now, especially as property prices and student debts are ever bigger as a presence in people's lives, it's completely natural that any of us might sit there thinking, “I just want to work hard and pay off my college debts.” Of course, it's a human response. 

I was really impressed that some organizations are saying, “We actually want you to bring your fullest self to work by having other interests. We’re not going to value you staying late and working into the night. That won't be the reason you get promoted here.” 

[00:14:44] MB: That’s a great example, and I know you're in many ways leading this charge as well, but I hope to see more companies and organizations start to embrace some of what the science and the evidence tells us about how people could be more productive and more effective instead of these cultural myths about what work is and the false badge of slaving away and working hundred plus hours per week.

[00:15:08] BD: Yeah. I think this is the critical thing that there are so many icons of #hustleculture and there’s so many people who are celebrating working hard and that relentless eking out every last drop of productivity. Unfortunately, there’s very few role models, there’s very few examples we can look at who say, “Actually, there’s another way.” Because here’s one thing that I really fascinated by, and I think for me this is really instructive, that any of us who’s setting about trying to be the best version of ourselves. Of course, productivity is an important notable goal. But let me give you something that I was really captivated by, which is a sort of rudimentary take on neuroscience. 

If you and I, Matt, we’re doing sort of an introductory level of neuroscience. Neuroscience 101 would be this effectively three systems of cognition in the brain. The first one is called the executive attention network. Okay. That’s you, you're typing an email on your phone. The executive attention in that work is you typing that email. Then a second network that runs directly in parallel, all the times that the executive attention network is running, there’s another network called the salience network. This network protects us from – It makes sure the we’re back typing that email on our phone, and meanwhile we’re walking across the road and the salience network is what protects us from oncoming traffic. It makes sure it's a safe time to walk across the road. Those two run in conjunction with each other. 

But there’s a third one, and the science of understanding what's going on in people's brains is relatively recent. Brain scanning, the last 20 years we’ve really got some value from it. Scientists were baffled by the fact that they would give people something to do and their brains would light up. But then the moment they stopped doing it, their brains would light up, but in a different way, and they [inaudible 00:17:03] this the default mode of the default network. 

Here's the interesting things. The default mode, we might – If we were in the brain scanner and we were in the default mode, the researcher might say to us, “What's happening right now? What are you thinking about?” Generally we’d say something like, “I was dreaming. I was daydreaming. I wasn't thinking about anything. I was a million miles away.” Boredom, if I could give you a term from your youth. Do remember boredom from when you’re a kid? Those hours of boredom we used to have. That's what the default mode is. Boredom is where we’re in the default mode. Long way of saying it. These three systems in the brain, one of which is sort of this unfocused, this boredom. 

But here's the really fascinating thing. When we come up with our best ideas, and I’d challenge your listeners to think about this. The next time you have a good idea, which of these states were you in? Were you in like the executive attention network? Were you frowning into your laptop trying to come up with an idea or was it the moment when you gave up frowning into your laptop, you walked into the other room to pour yourself a glass of water and an idea struck you? Because, broadly, that's what a lot of people observe. They observe that their best ideas happen not in these intense focus, but in this rather sort of more dreamy unfocused. 

My favorite example of this was this very acclaimed screenwriter. A guy called Aaron Sorkin. He wrote Moneyball. He’s just writing now. He’s got the theatre production of To Kill a Mockingbird on Broadway. He’s incredibly prolific writer, poet, all amount of screen and stage. He wrote the West Wing TV show. He realized his best ideas were coming to him when he was on deadline. His best ideas were coming to him not when he was in the state of focus staring into his computer screen, but when he was in a state of these default mode, in a state of sort of dreamy distraction. 

He realized for him, his best ideas were coming to him not staring into his laptop but in the shower. He told Hollywood report magazine, he had a shower installed in the corner of his office and he takes 6 to 8 showers a day. Fascinating, right? He was asked about it, “Are you doing this because you're sort of obsessive-compulsive?” He said, “Not at all.” He said, “When I'm on deadline, when I need to come up with something, I find that the fact that I get into the shower, I almost reboot my whole system and something occurs to me.” For me, this is such an epiphany, because we spend so much of our time trying to optimize for our productivity. So much amount of time thinking, producing more with every waking minute. 

Here's the strange thing, any of us who are charged with coming up with original thought, we’re thinking of a clever way to do it. That’s all of us. We don’t like to call it creativity, but all of us are charged with improving things. What we find is that those flashes of inspiration, those sparks of ingenuity, those moments of guile, they strike us in our default mode. They strike us when we’re on downtime. 

Someone told me, I have all my best ideas walking my dog, and I thought, exactly, default mode. That's one of the critical things that I feel that I've learned, is that we need to be thinking more not just about how can we produce more, but how can we allow our brains to breathe and actually sort of create moments of creative inspiration? 

[00:20:18] MB: I couldn't agree more, and there's so much research supporting this idea of creating the space, creating the contemplative time to really step back and not be so caught up in everything constantly happening. Even the neuroscience, I don't know if you came across this term, but the phrase and a lot of the scientific research around this is the idea of creative incubation and how the subconscious works on problems much more effectively if you take your conscious focus away from really burning constant focus on whatever you're trying to solve or wherever you're trying to generate a creative breakthrough.

[00:20:54] BD: Very much so. I think the more that we get an understanding of this, I think the more that we, all of us, try to get a layperson's understanding of some of the science that governs these things. Then we can try to intervene and push back against some of the things that appear common sense in our workplaces but are actually potentially quite destructive.

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[00:22:48] MB: Let's explore a couple of those other ideas we've talked a lot about, the general culture of work. But tell me about a few more of the things within our workplaces that seem like they're common sense but are really counterproductive and harmful to productivity and well-being.

[00:23:03] BD: I think one of the things that become the norms, what we’ve found I think is that we have no blueprint for work. We've developed a new version of work that no one has ever really signed off on. If we were to look at some of the cold hard facts of modern work, the average U.S. worker spends about 16 hours a week in meetings. 

In fact, if your boss expects you to stay connected to your device, then generally we’re observing that the average working week of attention on our email can be around 60 to 70 hours a week. We find ourselves in open offices, so in sort of open plan environments where we set with constant interruptions. Then when we do get to our desks, generally we are sending and receiving about 200 emails a day. All of those things act to drain some of our cognitive energy. 

One the things that I think is an important decision that we need to reflect on is that scientists argue about whether there’s a finite capacity to our brains, but it does appear to be elements of cognition, which are closer to the battery on our cellphone, then we probably would like to normally think. We often can force our self to believe that our brains are infinite. For anyone who's tried to read a complicated book or a complicated paper, at 11 PM, we’ll know that their brain doesn't seem to have the same battery power as it does at 9 AM. 

I think understanding that is really critical. Psychologists, neuroscientists sometimes call this ego depletion, the idea that cognition is finite. Now, while they do argue a little bit around the edges of the extent of ego depletion, how finite our brains are. There seems to be some evidence that we can restore some of our energy with the actions we take. Walking meetings seem to be a really good way to revive, re-energize our attention to bring some energy back into us. For my feeling, we've created a version of modern work, which has got all these meetings, these emails, and it's exhausting. 

I think if any of us were told when we were children the amount of time we were going to spend in meetings not paying attention to what was going on, we’d be astonished, because if a child – I always think of freaky Friday. If a child's transport planted into your brain today and saw that you're sitting pretending to listen to someone's PowerPoint slides, the child with the sort of naivety of a child would say, “Why are you doing this? Just get up and leave,” and yet most of us find ourselves in hostage to those situations. 

I think this is a critical thing for me. One of the things I was – Here’s my entry point. I was working, running Twitter across Europe, and one of the things that we observed was that while people might superficially think tech job, that's what I want. I want to go and work in a big tech platform, and that's definitely true. We had lots of people who were really inspired by the work they were doing, but we were starting to witness burnout in the people that we employed. It was largely a reflection of the way we were working. 

People were burnt out because we were emailing all weekend. Because of different time zones, we were emailing all evening, and there was a constant expectation that people would be available to jump on a call, and all of those things acted. They were in service of just the team starting to feel depleted. The team feeling like they could do a tour of duty, but they couldn't last forever. 

We were seeing – One of the things that was a real wake-up call for me, I was seeing some of my most talented people quit, but worst, some of them were quitting with no job to go to. I was presented with this realization, “Wow! If we've got some of the best people I've ever work with and they’re quitting with nowhere to go to, it's such a vote of no confidence in the culture that I had created, in the organization that I was running.” I told myself, “Look, I need to delve into the science books. I need to delve into the evidence here. I need to be trying to find answers.” There aren’t just my thoughts, my hunches, my instincts. I’ve got to try and find answers that are proven by data and evidence. That's why I set about doing challenging some of these norms that we've created and trying to find a way to create a more energizing positive and more productive version of work.

[00:27:30] MB: That's a truly inspiring vision and I applaud you for embarking on the journey. There're a couple of things you mentioned that I want to dig into. The thing that you talked about earlier that I really want to unpack a little bit more is this notion of how we think that we can just pile more and more and more work into our week. We can always take on another project, another priority, and yet when you really truly come to grips with the reality that there's, let's say, 40 to 50 hours of truly productive time that you actually have, it forces you to really prioritize and to make tradeoffs and to make scarcity decisions around where you spend your time. 

Why do you think so many people are afraid to do that and how can we be better about making those kinds of decisions and bringing that thoughtfulness to the way that we approach our work?

[00:28:22] BD: I think more than anything, the first stage of the process is an awareness of it, because it's very easy. When a colleague says to you, “Can you attend this meeting?” and you end up in a two-hour meeting. What happens is the emails that you are meant to do, the document that you are meant to create, the things that you are meant to give your attention to, they don’t disappear. They just get displaced. Most of us probably who work full-time now recognize the feeling of sitting on the sofa, answering an email or getting told off by a friend when we’re just answering an email on a night out. 

Most of us recognize that we've seen an erosion of the boarders between work life and home life. Look, look quite often we are willing accomplices, we often feel like it reduces our stress to answer that email rather than having it sitting there waiting for us. I think that’s the reality of modern work for a lot of us. We’re sort of presented with those conundrums. 

I think the challenge for me is this, is that we’re not being honest with ourselves. The moment we start being honest about, “Okay. I've got 40 units. This is zero cost. This is zero-sum to my working week. If I gave two hours to that meeting, I'm going to stop doing something else.” As soon as we say that, it starts forcing us to prioritize. Look, you’ll know well the old truism that sort of in business, strategy is what you choose not to do. 

I think one of the things that we find is that anyone who takes a look at productivity stats, workplace productivity stats for the 20 years, it's a total enigma. Why? Because we've seen the fastest innovation of technology and the tools available to every worker is unprecedented in history. We've never seen innovation like this, and yet average productivity per work hasn't grown. In manufacturing industry, productivities continue to rise. 

In office workplace, we haven't seen productivity rise. It's this total conundrum. Why on earth would this technology be afforded to us and yet we've seen none of it transferred to the bottom line? It's largely because we've effectively started making more demands on workers. It’s no surprise that burnout has gone up. People are working longer, because that’s the only way we’ve seen total output increase not from the amount people are producing per hour, but because they’re working longer and harder. 

For me, as soon as we start adjusting to these things, as soon as we start asking questions about these things, we’re going to get so far more honest state of work. There’s a really interesting thing. If you go back and you look at previous revolutions of technology. If you go back to the 1900s when the steam engine was replaced with electric motors. Among the first thing that happened was that when you saw that big system change from one to the other, steam engines required vast sort of turbines the required enormous coal and consuming furnaces and they would work at vast scale. They were huge. 

Electric motor to the engines could be tiny. The first thing that happened was that we first replaced the steam engines with an electric equivalent, and it was only afterwards gradually over the course of the next couple of decades that people said, “Oh! But by switching to little electric motors, we can miniaturize some of these processes. We can transform the way that we bring detail, we bring sophisticate sort of tiny little microscopic luxurious detail to the things we’re creating rather than produce it at vast scale.” 

It led to a big change, but we went through this transition. That's probably where we are with work right now, that we have not really innovated how we were working in the previous generations. We've just brought technology to it, and it’s why so many people right now are feeling like they are at something of a personal burnout, a breaking point themselves. 

[00:32:19] MB: If we feel burnt out, if we feel like we’re at the breaking point, you’ve shared one or two great strategies already and things like walking meetings are fantastic. What are some other strategies to help us recharge? To help us really combat that burnout?

[00:32:36] BD: Yeah. I think I've talked about the importance of probably drawing a line. The big thing for me was that I sat there thinking – It’s an interesting exercise. I sat there thinking my team are burnt out. I can't order them to make changes. I need to try and influence them. One of the things that I set about doing was, as I mentioned before, trying to model the 40 hours was enough of a working week, but there were certainly other things I could do. 

One of the best things that any of us can do, if we’re trying to get into a state of thought and concentration, turning off notifications on our phone seems to be one of the most productive things that we can do. There’s a strange thing. When I say to people they should turn notifications off on the cellphone, they say, “Oh, really? But how will I know if I’ve got messages?” Look, people generally reach the right conclusion for them. Some people say, “I’m going to leave my iMessages on,” or other people say, “I'm going to leave my social media on.” But broadly my feeling is that we should try and turn notifications off for our emails, or our Slack, because largely the reason why is that I guarantee that if you or I were to go and look at our emails now, we’ve both got emails. 

Actually, that alert that we've got more emails in itself isn't helpful. But what it does is it steals some of our cognitive power. There’s a strange thing that when Frances Frei, the culture expert went into Uber and she was invited in a Harvard business professor. She was invited into Uber, and she observed that they were all taking their cellphones into every meeting and it was having the impact of reducing everyone's attention but also making meetings longer. There were also like a back channel of the subtext of meetings that was being communicated nonverbally. 

She pointed out a piece of research that says that if we bring our cellphones into meetings, everyone's attention measurably goes down. If your cellphone is up turned so you can see, your attention dips even further. I think this is a really interesting thing. If any of us are trying to get our job done more quickly and productively and maybe with more flashes of inspiration, then turning notifications off on our phone seems to be an incredible, helpful intervention. 

Look, I set about thinking those things more than anything. I was fascinated with team culture. I want it to be back to my team feeling enjoyable. There's a lot of ways that I think we can build team cohesion, some really trivial ones. When you’re looking at how teams work together in an office, we often spend a lot of time thinking of org charts and sort of who reports into who, but as effective, a wonderful company did some really fascinating research effectively tracking people in offices, like we might track thoughts players on the field, they sort of, they put tracking devices on them. They watched where they went and they observed that the location of the coffee machine and the water cooler has as much impact on who works with who in an office as the org chart and the management structure. 

For me, understanding these things, where do you put the coffee machine? Can you introduce a social meeting? That’s a meeting where you sort of get together every week and there's no agenda. You just get together to be together. It seems incredibly wasteful, especially, I particularly meetings, but what we observe is organizations that set time aside to be together socially seem to demonstrate more cohesion and higher productivity. 

My fascination was how could any of us – We’re not the boss. I worked on the basis, we’re not in charge. But how can any of us set about improving the working dynamic where we are. One of the ways that we would set about doing that is just really looking into the evidence and the science. 

[00:36:33] MB: Great suggestions. I love this quote that turning off notifications on your phone can be one of the most productive things that you could do, and yet so many people think it's the opposite, right?

[00:36:43] BD: Yeah, but I think sometimes we do bias towards immediacy. We’re all guilty of these. If you ask people whether they like working with their boss, one of the things that they determined how much they like their boss is how quickly their boss replies to their emails. We’re all guilty of it. We want our boss to notice us quickly and get back to us quickly. We want other people to do the same. 

My feeling is this it was a wonderful piece of work by an investor, a guy called Paul Graham. He did a really interesting thing where he differentiated between two mindsets. The manager’s mindset, and it doesn't necessarily mean a people manager just by someone who manages projects or someone who's executing, getting things done. The manager’s mindset and the maker's mindset. 

He said, “Here’s the interesting thing. A manager can break that time into 15-minute segments.” They can be immensely productive. They can be auctioning and powering through things. You might attempt to your inbox. You might finish that document. It's about execution. The moment you switch into maker’s mindset, the moment you're trying to reflect, produce, think, then actually the way that time works is very different. 

If you've got a four-hour block, a manager can split that very easily into 15-minute segments. It might be a 30 minute meeting and then lots of very small segments. But if you're asked to come up with a new idea and you have that four-hour block and in the midst of that four-hour block you put a 30 minute meeting, he said, “That doesn't break up the four-hour block. It destroys the four-hour block.” 

The maker's mindset is very different. The maker’s mindset, if we're going to be allowing ourselves to get into deep thinking, to get into deep work, then breaking it with instructions and being constantly beset with little pings on our phone doesn't just have a slight impact, it destroys those moments of productivity. I thought it was a really interesting way to frame it. 

[00:38:39] MB: Yeah, the maker’s schedule, manager’s schedule post is a classic, and we’ll make sure to include that along with a lot of the other research you’ve talked about in the show notes. I want to dig into another recommendation from the book that I personally really resonated with this. Tell me about monk mode mornings. 

[00:38:56] BD: Very much in the same spirit. The notion of monk mode is that we sometimes reach those intellectual breakthroughs. We sometimes reach those moments where aha moments happen to us, when we’re in a state of undistracted concentration. The challenge of course for all of us, especially we might be just making our first progressions on the career ladder and we don't call the shots. 

If we were to say any of us would say to our bosses, “I’m not contactable all day on Wednesday, or I'm not going to be contactable for the next three hours.” Then I guess most of us face the prospect that our managers might respond negatively to that. 

The monk mode morning is the attempt to recognize the we have these demands upon us that our attention works best when it's uninterrupted. But as the monk mode morning says, “Okay. What are the ways that any of us can bring this into our work?” 

One the best ways, the monk mode morning is the idea that maybe you take 60 or 90 minutes out of your calendar twice a week. Monk mode worked best if you do it before you open email. The moment you open email, you sort of have these caffeinated seeds, these effervescent phase of thoughts fizzing through your mind. If we take a monk mode morning before we open our email, it seems to be more productive, and you just set an hour aside. 

It might well be you say to your boss, “Hey, I'm not going to be in till 10:30 on Wednesdays because I'm just taking an hour at home in the mornings to work on big pitches for new clients or big concepts for our 2021 plan.” 

The idea is the that period of concentration generally seems to be immensely rewarding for us when very simple, but when we ask people if they have had a good day at work, they generally describe having a good day at work when they've made progress in something meaningful. If we can set aside an hour or two hours a week just to do that, it's astonishing what we can produce in that time.

[00:41:09] MB: I totally agree and I've used that strategy for years to carve out time every single week to focus on the most important high-priority things in my life before getting distracted and sucked into the whirlwind of email and all of the demands on my time. 

[00:41:25] BD: Yeah, very much so. I think, look, these are the things that affect all of us and having a big impact on the way that we feel about our jobs. It’s really sad stats. If you delve into this – This is just not the luxury of office workers. If you look at teachers, 3/5th of all US teachers say they’re contemplating quitting the job in the next five years. 

It's the same for health workers, that this is not just the reserve of those who work in nice offers jobs, but we've created a version of modern work, which people find exhausting, dissatisfying. They’re seeking an escape. They’re seeking meaning elsewhere, and I'm convinced that there are small actions that any of us can take to just bring some of the enjoyment back to our work. 

[00:42:13] MB: Such a simple and powerful message. For somebody who listened to this conversation and wants to start to take action in some way to bring some joy back into their work, to get over the exhausting and dissatisfying nature of modern work, what would be one starting place, one action item that you would give them as their first piece of homework to really begin to bring that joy back into their lives?

[00:42:38] BD: Yeah. For me, I felt that this needed to be a democratic process. I felt that bosses – This book Eat Sleep Work Repeat, bosses don't read books like this. They send themselves on expensive executive training course and yet most of us find ourselves in the workplace cultures that maybe are not perfect that need fixing. I’m an optimist and I sort of believe that often we can find that we have more power of influence to change things. My feeling was start a dialogue in your workplace. Start a dialogue about can we do things differently. 

Let me give you one example. It's very easy, and my organization find ourselves doing the practice that I’ve really decided is one of my biggest no-nos, and that is the weekend email. In fact, one boss I had at my job at another organization sends a document round, all the people who reported to him. He said, “You might not work at the weekend, but I do, and I will be working all weekend.” 

You would come back from may be a morning bit of exercise and you would come into your apartment and there would be 30 emails not just from him, but from the people who reported to him. It felt like you can never escape work. It felt like work followed you around. Now, my feeling now is that there was a discussion worth having and bringing a bit of evidence to that discussion and maybe at that manager's offsite suggesting, “I wonder if we could have a discussion about how we work and our working methodologies and bringing some evidence.” I think you need to bring evidence to these, but you bring some evidence to it, and I believe that most bosses when presented with evidence will say, “Okay. Let's give it a go.” 

My feeling is, it’s the spirit of your whole podcast here, that actually the best discussions we have are informed with not opinion. We’ve all got our opinions, but with data, with science, with evidence. I remain optimistic that any of us should – The first thing we should try and do is start a dialogue. Start a dialogue. Can we set about improving the way we’re working?

[00:44:50] MB: Great piece of advice and really important to recognize that you do have more power than you think to change your culture, to change a workplace and to influence those around you. So many people give that power up without ever even trying. There's some real magic that can happen if you're willing to take the initiative and try to create a positive change in your life.

[00:45:09] BD: I couldn't agree more. There was a fascinating piece of work by a woman called Leslie Perlow from Harvard, and she went to try and track down people who said, “You can't change things here. You can’t have an impact on our culture.” She found management consultants. These management consultants said, “Look, you know you can't stand our job. We need to be on email all the time.” So then she started staging slight interventions. She’s ask them, “Okay. Amongst yourselves, I want you to agree who will not look at their phone on Tuesday night. Who will not look at their phone on Wednesday,” and she put them into teams. If someone looks at their phone when they were not meant to on a Tuesday night, the whole team lost. What happened was they initially said, “You don’t understand our job.” 

Within weeks they said, “I feel my energy levels are better. My partner is more grateful for me because when I’m out on date night, I’m not looking at my phone all the time. My family are grateful that my attention doesn't seem to become divided,” and she staged a number of those interventions. 

I think what they proved to me is they prove that, quite often, work is the lie we tell ourselves. Quite often, we tell ourselves that, “Oh! I can’t do this. I can’t change this.” We can change far more about our jobs than we realize, but we just – We need to start that process, that process. For me, it's about starting to dialogue on it. You start a dialogue and you realize very quickly, number one, you're surrounded with people who think the same as you. Number two, your boss kind of thinks things aren't working either and is open-minded to someone coming up with suggestions. 

My experience is we sometimes can imagine that when we’re in our most uncharitable frame of mind, that our boss somehow created something that sets to destroy us. Far from it, bosses are navigating these new world with the same confusion we are and starting a dialogue on these things. In my experience, I’ve now chatted to dozens of organizations. In my experience, it’s far more ground to be optimistic when we bring the science along than some of us ever really ever dare imagine.

[00:47:16] MB: Bruce, where can listeners find you, find the book, find all your work online so that they can learn more?

[00:47:24] BD: Best place to look is my website, is eatsleepwork repeat.com and I’ve chatted to countless psychologists, neuro scientists, experts there about trying to improve culture. The book is available with the same title, so Eat Sleep Work Repeat. It’s 30 hacks to improve your work. Anyone who's thinking, I just want to improve the way things feel around here. Maybe I just want to laugh more at work. Maybe I just don't want to be lying awake on Sunday night dreading going to that place. My feeling was I was you. I was that person, and I set about trying to change it. As someone who's reached the other side, I’m strongly of the opinion that all of us can take actions to make our work better. 

[00:48:07] MB: For people who feel like they can approach their boss, they’re struggling, Bruce you put together something that I thought was quite funny and really, really interesting. Just tell our listeners a little bit about the Bad Boss Helpline.

[00:48:21] BD: Yes. I’ve created Bad Boss Helpline, badbosshelpline.com. There’s a telephone number there or there’s an email address and you can contact us with your especially egregious boss and we will send a copy of Eat Sleep Work Repeat anonymously to your boss. If you do have a monstrous manager, if you’ve got a demonic supervisor that you’re sort of dealing your wrestling with, please do get in touch. We’d love to hear from you.

[00:48:49] MB: Well, Bruce thank you so much for coming on the show, for sharing all this wisdom. Some really insightful takeaways and really important dialogue about the future of work and how we can avoid burnout and bring some happiness back into our workplaces. 

[00:49:03] BD: So lovely to chat to you. Thank you so much. It’s been so great to chat, Matt.

[00:49:07] MB: Thank you so much for listening to the Science of Success. We created this show to help you, our listeners, master evidence-based growth. I love hearing from listeners. If you want to reach out, share your story, or just say hi, shoot me an e-mail. My e-mail is matt@successpodcast.com. That’s M-A-T-T@successpodcast.com. I’d love to hear from you and I read and respond to every single listener e-mail.

I'm going to give you three reasons why you should sign up for our e-mail list today by going to successpodcast.com, signing up right on the homepage. There’s some incredible stuff that’s only available to those on the e-mail list, so be sure to sign up, including an exclusive curated weekly e-mail from us called Mindset Monday, which is short, simple, filled with articles, stories, things that we found interesting and fascinating in the world of evidence-based growth in the last week. 

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Remember, the greatest compliment you can give us is a referral to a friend either live or online. If you enjoyed this episode, please leave us an awesome review and subscribe on iTunes because that helps boost the algorithm, that helps us move up the iTunes rankings and helps more people discover the Science of Success. 

Don't forget, if you want to get all the incredible information we talked about in the show, links transcripts, everything we discussed and much more, be sure to check out our show notes. You can get those at successpodcast.com, just hit the show notes button right at the top. 

Thanks again, and we'll see you on the next episode of the Science of Success.

January 30, 2020 /Lace Gilger
Focus & Productivity, Health & Wellness
Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi-02.png

Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi - The Greatest Unanswered Question in Psychology Today

November 07, 2019 by Lace Gilger in Focus & Productivity, High Performance

In this episode we have one of the absolute living legends of psychology on the show - we discuss the GREATEST unanswered question in psychology, the biggest thing people mis-understand about flow, what advice young people can take away from our guest's incredible career, and what he thinks the absolute biggest takeaways from his own research are - and much more with Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi.

Your fate, your destiny, your future is not set out for you - you can shape it to be what you want it to be. You have the freedom to make life better for yourself and more worthwhile and meaningful for yourselves. Even the greatest traumas and struggles can be overcome. You don’t have to achieve fame and fortune to live a meaningful and wonderful life and to be truly alive.

Mihaly is Claremont Graduate University’s Distinguished Professor of Psychology and Management. He is a bestselling author and the founder and co-director of the Quality of Life Research Center. He is a member of the American Academy of Education, the American Academy of Arts and Sciences, and the National Academy of Leisure Studies and his work has been featured on NPR,TED, WIRED, and more!!

  • The key ideas supported by the data around how people respond to Trauma. People who are focused beyond themselves and their own wellbeing are more resilient to the things that happen to them.

  • When you focus on the wellbeing of others, society, your family, etc - you’re much more resilient to Trauma

  • How do you think of yourself? Do you think of yourself as the body in which you live? Do you see yourself as being part of a family, group, religion etc? This will shape your response to trauma.

  • The self is a very poor site for meaning - don’t put all your eggs in the fragile basket of the self

  • We are all connected - recognizing that helps contextualize our existence

  • Flow and happiness are not the same thing - but they are very related

  • Flow is a momentary state of experience and happiness is a general perspective towards life

  • If your life is full of flow - it will be a happy life!

  • How do we consistently create flow states in our lives?

  • 2 Main conditions of your psychology

    • Seeing challenges as things that you can deal with and overcome

    • Having the skills to a actually do something about the challenge

  • If you have those 2 traits you are more likely to be in flow more often

  • Pay attention to the world around you and connect with it one way or another

    • Some people see life as full of opportunities, others see life as full of threats

  • Life is quite malleable - we often feel like we’ve been dealt a tough hand, but its often how we react to it that is the most important

  • How does Mihaly think about creating flow states in his own life?

  • What is the greatest unanswered question in psychology today?

    • The way in which children learn to process information and why they develop certain interests in certain areas or spheres of their lives

  • What is the biggest mistake or pitfall that younger people (in their mid 20s) can make?

    • You have to keep an open mind, be open to learning

    • Don’t be too instinctive, don’t become an ideologue too soon

  • What’s the biggest thing that people misunderstand about Flow and Mihay’s research?

  • We have the opportunity to shape ourselves into whoever we want to be- but we have to take into account where we came from and what our experiences have been.

  • What’s the biggest takeaway from all the research on Flow?

  • Your fate, your destiny, your future is not set out for you - you can shape it to be what you want it to be. You have the freedom to make life better for yourself and more worthwhile and meaningful for yourselves. Even the greatest traumas and struggles can be overcome. You don’t have to achieve fame and fortune to live a meaningful and wonderful life and to be truly alive.

    • It may not be an easy road to get there, but it’s possible for anyone to get there.

    • This is open to everyone, but it’s hard to do the work and get there.

    • Life can be much more fun than you think!

  • We have to look past the limited perspective of our own egos and experiences to understand the beauty of life.

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Want To Dig In More?! - Here’s The Show Notes, Links, & Research

General

  • Mihaly’s Faculty Profile

Media

  • Positive Psychology Program Article

  • NPR Interview - 10min - What Makes A Life Worth Living?

  • Brain World Magazine interview

Videos

  • TED: Flow, The Secret To Happiness

  • FLOW + THE RISE OF SUPERMAN - BOOK REVIEW MIX!!

  • Flow Animated Book Review

  • Living In Flow - The Secret Of Happiness

  • Philosophers Notes: Creativity

  • Flow Theory In Less Than Five Minutes

Books

  • Flow: The Psychology of Optimal Experience (Harper Perennial Modern Classics) - 2008

  • Creativity: Flow and the Psychology of Discovery and Invention (Harper Perennial Modern Classics) - 2009

  • Good Business: Leadership, Flow, and the Making of Meaning - 2004

  • Finding Flow: The Psychology of Engagement with Everyday Life (Masterminds Series) - 1998

Episode Transcript

[00:00:04.4] ANNOUNCER: Welcome to The Science of Success. Introducing your host, Matt Bodnar.

[0:00:11.8] MB: Welcome to the Science of Success; the number one evidence-based growth podcast on the internet with more than four million downloads and listeners in over a hundred countries.

In this episode, we have one of the absolutely living legends of psychology on the show. We discuss the greatest unanswered questions in psychology, the biggest thing that people misunderstand about flow, what advice young people can take away from our guest’s incredible career and what he thinks about the absolute, biggest takeaways from his own research and much more with our guest, Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi.

We had the incredible honor and privilege of interviewing Mihaly, who is literally one of the living legends of psychology. I'll be honest with you, the conversation wasn't easy. He's 84-years-old, he could barely use some of the interview equipment, it was hard to hear him at times and the interview was really tough. The audio quality is not amazing. We thought for a long time about whether or not we should air this interview.

Ultimately, we decided that the lessons and ideas and insights shared by Mihaly, who is one of the pioneers of psychology research, the person who coined the term ‘flow’ and has done so much powerful psychology research, we felt that we still needed to air this episode and share it with you.

I will tell you that the audio quality is not great. The content is really good, but it was a hard interview to do and we put a lot of thought into whether or not we should air this. It's a great conversation and I really hope you enjoy it.

Are you a fan of the show and have you been enjoying the content that we put together for you? If you have, I would love it if you signed up for our e-mail list. We have some amazing content on there, along with a really great free course that we put a ton of time into called How To Create Time for What Matters Most In Your Life. If that sounds exciting and interesting and you want a bunch of other free goodies and giveaways along with that, just go to successpodcast.com.

You can sign up right on the homepage. That’s successpodcast.com. Or if you’re on your phone right now, all you have to do is text the word “smarter”, that’s S-M-A-R-T-E-R to the number 44-222.

In our previous episode, we showed you how to turn your fear into health, wealth and happiness. If you want something you've never had before, you have to do something you've never done before. That means suffering and taking risk. Building a positive relationship to suffering is one of the most important life skills you can master. Suffering is the true training ground of self-transcendence. With our previous guest, Akshay Nanavati, we showed you how to choose your struggle and build meaningful suffering into your life. If you want to overcome the fear that's been holding you back, listen to our previous episode.

Now for our interview with Mihaly.

[0:03:08.2] MB: Today, we have another legendary guest on the show, Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi. Mihaly is a Claremont Graduate University’s distinguished professor of psychology and management. He's a best-selling author and the founder and co-director of the Quality of Life Research Center. He's a member of the American Academy of Education, the American Academy of Arts and Sciences, the National Academy of Leisure Studies and his work has been featured on NPR, the Ted Stage, Wired and much more. Mihaly, welcome to the Science of Success.

[0:03:36.1] MC: Thank you. I'm glad to be here.

[0:03:38.6] MB: Well, we're very excited to have you on the show today. I'd love to start out with what differences you found in the research that you conducted around how people respond to trauma. I found that to be a really interesting piece of your work. I'd love to understand why do some people respond to trauma in a negative way and why do some people respond to it in a positive way?

[0:03:58.1] MC: We have of course, general notions, which are supported by the data and that people who have not only concern about themselves and their own well-being, more resilient to things that happened to them. They're more concerned about the well-being of society, or family at least, the country and so forth.

We suffer for different reasons psychologically. Physically, we suffer pretty much the same way. Although, even physically some people are much more sensitive and even more than this, but psychologically, we are different in what hurts us, what makes us feel bad and what makes us feel enraged and willing to fight and so forth.

There is no one reason, but certainly the overall issue is what do you identify yourself with? Do you think of yourself as being just the body in which you live, or do you see yourself as being part of a family, ethnic group, religion, or whatever. That depending on where you draw the boundaries of your own being will determine what will upset you and how much and what you're willing to do about it.

[0:05:40.1] MB: That makes me think of one of my favorite quotes from the book Learn Happiness, which is the idea that the self is a very poor site for meaning.

[0:05:49.3] MC: Oh, yeah, yeah. If that's all that you care about and consider, then you put all your eggs in a very fragile basket that sooner or later it’s going to be breaking down. It's good to define yourself in terms of larger and more stable entities. Then it’s through beyond that, not only is true that no man is an island, but we are all connected. If we recognize the connection and the size of and the permanence of our self as [inaudible 0:06:39.5]. I don't know if that's what you came – you conclusion is from that saying that that's how I would expand in that maxim that you had mentioned.

[0:06:53.0] MB: I think that's a great insight. Makes me think of – this is a tangential shift in the conversation, but in your work and research that you did around flow, how did you find, or what did you uncover around the root causes of happiness?

[0:07:10.5] MC: Yes. Flow and happiness is not exactly the same thing, because flow is a state that it's a momentary state of experience. Our happiness is a general stand towards life that doesn't change that much. Flow comes and goes depending on what we are doing at the moment. Of course, if your life is full of flow, it's going to be a happy life, a happier life than one that is more filled with boredom or anxiety. If you have more flow, you are likely to have a much better life, be happier overall.

[0:07:56.5] MB: How do we consistently create flow states within our lives?

[0:08:01.6] MC: Well. It means flow depends on two conditions of your consciousness, or your psychology. The two conditions are one, is that you see challenge that you think you can't deal with. Then the second is that you have the skills to do something about the challenge. If you have those two and you use them in your everyday life, you are more likely to be in flow more.

I knew a painter who lived in a garret across an alley from a house across the alley. If he looked out of his window, he could see the world, a blank wall of the house about 12 feet away from his window. He could put himself in a state of flow by looking at the bricks and their connections to each other and the different colors of the mortar around the bricks and imagine pictures and that he could draw on that, inspired by the momentary sight of the connection between the bricks.

This guy could get flow from the processing of visual information, because that's – he could walk across the intersection in the loop in Chicago and looked up and see the shadow of a building and a skyscraper, but a different skyscraper. He looked at that shadow and he would get ecstatic because, he said, “Wow, look at that. Look at that.” Then most people wouldn't even notice it. If they noticed it, they say there is a stupid shadow there on a building. What can help?

To him, the visual information that he got was enough to put him in a state of almost ecstasy, because he – it produced in his mind all kinds of connections and ideas that he could play with and that was enough. Most people, of course depend on external information that's produced to make them feel better, like comic strips, or television shows, or Broadway shows, or whatever, where the stimuli are organized by experts who make them pleasant and interesting and exciting to the viewer.

There are people who don't depend so much on the external organization of information, because they can do it on their own one way or the other. I mean, not just visually, but people who go around and are impressed by the expression on the face of children in the street, or other people they meet and they imagine where they last maybe and they feel the envy, or sorrow, or at what they see. That fills out their mind at the time and makes them want to do something on the other end.

They are always willing to help others and to get involved with others. That is the life they live. That's the world they live in. We make these worlds paying attention to what goes on around us and connecting with that information one way or the other. Either the information make you seem made, or makes you sad, or makes you want to do something, that makes you want to escape. The information is there and how we react to that will determine the quality of our lives. For some people, the life is full of opportunities to help others. For others, their life is full of things to escape from, because they don't want to see the – feel up, and so they want to get into a safe room where they are in control and powerful. They do that by taking drugs, or getting drunk or whatever.

In that respect, we are the masters of our faith. We can decide, learn to stop with our life that we linked to some, those that we set out. As I said, I am going to not to get upset about things, but try to help others and myself, or others who just try to see the beauty of what's around them and just – who’s mind is full of ideas that they hope to realize sometimes in the future. Our life is quite malleable. We offer to, “Oh, my God. I build out this deck of cards and I don't have any aces in it. I'm going to lose this game.” Others who say, “Okay, I don't have aces, but I still can get a good game of what I build out.” That's just what how I see the world. I don't know if that makes sense, but and that’s for me.

[0:14:23.9] MB: That definitely makes sense. I'm curious, how do you think about creating flow states and flow experiences in your own daily life?

[0:14:33.0] MC: Well, my life as a child was not that secure and safe as that of many others. Not as bad as many others either. I think the first time I realized that you can change your state of mind was during a train ride from Italy to Hungary with my family. I went across part of your Europe. There I was looking at the window and we were just entering the Alps in Norton Italy and we were crossing the Alps. I looked out the window and I looked at the mountains and they were so incredible, different from the seashore where I used to live.

I realized that by looking at this peak and glaciers around me, I could change my feeling of boredom, which has started with just being bored in the train and looking outside. I realized that the world had all kinds of things that sure can be interesting. If you look at them and try to follow and imagine what they could be and how it could to be there, then that would make your life much more interesting, than waiting for things to happen than to have fun.

That feeling stuck with me after the voyage, after, it took a long time and we were – the train was bombed by the artillery as we were crossing Yugoslavia and South [inaudible 0:16:33.2]. It was not an easy ride, but it was something that changed – I think I didn’t know that at the time of course, but looking back, I think that was when I first realized how your moods depends on how you – what you choose to look at and what you choose to think about when you look at things. That gave me a feeling that you could modify how you felt.

After that, I tried to look for that feeling, control over your environment by just changing the way you look at it and what you are thinking about it. I had a lot of brothers. A half-brother who was very good at paying attention, because he was a European champion of sail – how do you call the airplanes that go without engines? Just riding the currents of the air? Sailcraft? They are not really popular now, but the 1930s, 1940s, those were used – this airplane which was made of bamboo, or light wood, covered with really canvass and then you were pulled up by a regular plane, a small regular plane. Then your rope was – you were pulled by a rope by a plane and then when you got to a certain altitude, you disengage the rope and you were on your own.

What kept you up is that you went over currents of air and you had – you knew that the air above roads for instance was much more – the road would get warmed up by the sun and the air and there would be an updraft of air above the road. You will try to follow the road, but they were a few thousand above. You could stay up in the air, because of the updraft from the warm air on the road. Then you found other things; factories, lakes and so forth that changed the air.

This brother of mine who was the European champion and then it meant that he stayed up in the air for longer than everybody else during the competition. He stayed up I think 19 hours, 19 and a half hours without an engine, but just traveling across central Europe finding air currents. This brother was very influential, because his mind could get focused and process small bits of information that nobody else noticed that he could use to keep his plane aloft. It showed me that you have to do things, if you used your mind and paid attention to things, you could do things that most people don’t even notice there, or have idea that they exist.

[0:20:17.9] MB: Flow is definitely an amazing state that can transform the way you interact and engage with the world.

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[0:21:39.3] MB: I’m curious. Changing gears a little bit, what do you think is – as someone who’s been in this field for so long and done so much research, out of your own perspective, what do you think is the greatest unanswered question in psychology today?

[0:21:55.4] MC: There are of course – It depends – I’ll try it a little, but on what kind of things you are interested in and you an expert in, because some people will tell you very different things than what I will tell you. I don’t believe that these are the greatest alarms that crushes psychology. Whatever I tell you, they are the greatest alarms of question as far as I am concerned as a psychologist and in my expertise.

I really do think that what I would like to know a lot more about is the way which children learn to process information, in terms of what they get interested in. What is it that keeps them alert, awake, wondering about the world and so forth? Because that will determine the large extent of what they will do as adults, how they will spend their life. We really don’t know how to harness their energies and the drive that they have, point them in the right direction.

We tried to do that of course by teaching them good things, taking them to church and all these good things that we know would help them. That’s not necessarily what happens, because they don’t know why they are learning these things and they know that they have other things that they are interested in that they would rather do. They feel that they’re forced into a direction they don’t understand and they don’t want to depend, then don’t necessarily subscribe to.

The question is to what extent you have to change that, or to what extent the changing of their attention, what they attend to, what they try to accomplish. If you want them to become good, responsible and happy adults, what do you have to – how can you achieve that? How much freedom they need? How much encouragement, or exposure, or challenge to give them? That is varies a lot of child to child, then from environment to environment.

For instance, when we brought up our children, we tried very much to make sure that they have enough challenges in their environment, but not too hard ones and too difficult ones. Then we realized that we can do know exactly and we had to pay attention closely to what the children like, then harness their interest and curiosity by leaving them good opportunities to fulfill their curiosity, so that it could be a very good proposition that they enjoy what they do, they are motivated to what they do. Also, we know that what they are doing is rightful, then good for their growth and for their – they will be going in the right direction.

That is quite then difficult high-wire act for parents. Most of them luckily succeed without even thinking about it, but just follow things that they feel are right and they tend to do that more often than not, they are right. Our kids, where this is – took their own growth very quickly. I mean, we allowed them to explore what they like to do and they encouraged them and gave them new opportunities in-line what they were doing.

They both resulted – had very nice lives that they have children and they are very grateful. That’s very satisfying of course. It’s the things. I mean, you have to pay attention. You have to try to put yourself in their shoes and understand more they are living through and we try to have them on all [inaudible 0:27:08.6].

[0:27:10.4] MB: For somebody’s who’s listening, who let’s say is a younger person, 25-years-old something like that, what is the biggest mistake, or pitfall that you would warn them against falling prey to?

[0:27:25.9] MC: Well, I think there are so many crucial periods in life where you can go wrong. At that age, I think it’s not that different from before or after, but I think more – perhaps, it’s a more crucial period for becoming either too conservative and too traditional in your life and your profession and family and being too unconforming and thoughtless about what you are doing. I mean, there is a lot to learn from the culture, even the society we live in, with family, because entities have been alive for a long time.

They usually survive by not making too many – too drastic mistakes. You should be open to learning. At the same time, it’s important to trust your own experience, trust your own feelings and the actions to the world and that little ground between conformity and thoughtless, instinctive action, that middle ground is I think, it’s always a problem all through life to find the middle ground.

I think around 25, it really is the one of the crucial – if not the crucial moment, or period in which you have to establish the relation between yourself and the environment in which you have that comes to mind at the moment.

[0:29:28.5] MB: What is the biggest thing that people misunderstand about flow, or your research in general?

[0:29:36.3] MC: As I like to realize, that stage will work out only before you have developed a strong sense of identity of who you are. The stage before intimacy is identity formation. In the early 20s, late teens, you develop a sense of who you are and what you can do well, what you can do well, what you should be doing, or what you should be doing well. On the basis of knowing who you are and you can achieve intimacy on a more stable way, because you are less likely to get involved in intimate relations that are not build the whole personality of this thing.

Anyway, it’s not an easy thing to go through life, but especially the more complex the society is, the more opportunities there are to make bad mistakes, as well as good ones. I mean, the good thing about that, at times that you are not attached with an identity with the past. even a 100 years ago, if you are lucky you had the chance to develop into a person, with a strong identity and a strong intimacy.

Dependent, so much of the fickle senses of the development of the family, which will be a little exciting. Most people was not starting to condition where they were – they didn’t have the luxury to explore who they were and what they could do, so they had to follow the conditions and lived up to the conditions they were having by portion, by faith. They have that even to make ourselves more in the shape of what we want to become and what’s good for us, we have that opportunity.

Then on the other hand, what we are comforted with is social abundance of choice and so many different directions that it’s difficult to figure out what is really – who should be and what we should be doing. That’s possible. I thought more and more people will get to understand that task and trying to achieve it.

[0:32:36.5] MB: If you could really succinctly summarize in just one or two sentences for someone who’s not familiar with your work, what is the one thing you would want them to take away from the decades of research that you’ve done on flow and psychology and the human condition?

[0:32:52.2] MC: Well, I think one – I hope people would take away from some of the work I did is that the realization that their faith, their destiny, their future is not cut out for them to just follow on what happens to them on their side. They have the freedom to make life better and more worthwhile and meaningful for themselves. That even there is no – they don’t have to achieve fame and fortune and riches and comfort to be truly alive and involve and enjoy life.

It’s not an easy job to get there, but it’s really possible to everybody. Some of the happiest people I met and those who have been struggling with these issues, but had paid attention through their own life and discovered for themselves that they should trust their own instincts, but also trust the needs of people around them and the conditions around them and have to somehow harmonize, bring harmony between their own needs and the environment and [inaudible 0:34:29.7] and the possibilities that will be in there.

It’s not rocket science. It’s something that is open to everyone, but it’s hard. It’s hard, because we get so attached to the most obvious aspects of what surround us; the superficial, the loud, the colorful things that happen. These are parts of life. They are okay, but they’re not the secret, I don’t think of a good life. That you have to build up by yourself brick by brick and it can be a lot of fun. Much for fun than just enjoying the life of the rich and the famous that we get from so much of the media and that this is the life that’s part of it.

It’s hard, but it’s possible. I hope that everybody thinks about it and hears about it who have had to do it. In that sense, I give my best wishes to my ordeals. I don’t pretend to have the struggle the secret of life, but I do think that to the best of what I find possible resources, then I try to do it and it’s been fun in life, is the same from those who had taking and listening and had decisions.

[0:36:13.9] MB: Such a great insight that once we look beyond and look past our own limited perspective and our own ego and experiences, we can really start to uncover and understand the true of beauty of life. It may not be an easy journey, but it’s something that’s a path open to everyone.

[0:36:32.0] MC: To everyone, and it can be fun.

[0:36:34.8] MB: It could be fun. Exactly.

[0:36:37.7] MC: Okay. Okay.

[0:36:39.1] MB: Well, Dr. Csikszentmihalyi, I really want to thank you for coming on the Science of Success. It’s been truly, truly an honor to interview someone as incredibly legendary as you. Thank you so much for taking the time to speak with us and our listeners.

[0:36:50.7] MC: Thank you very much.

[0:36:52.7] MB: Thank you so much for listening to the Science of Success. We created this show to help you our listeners, master evidence-based growth. I love hearing from listeners. If you want to reach out, share your story, or just say hi, shoot me an e-mail. My e-mail is matt@successpodcast.com. That’s M-A-T-T@successpodcast.com. I’d love to hear from you and I read and respond to every single listener e-mail.

I'm going to give you three reasons why you should sign up for our e-mail list today by going to successpodcast.com, signing up right on the homepage. There are some incredible stuff that’s only available to those on the e-mail list, so be sure to sign up, including an exclusive curated weekly e-mail from us called Mindset Monday, which is short, simple, filled with articles, stories, things that we found interesting and fascinating in the world of evidence-based growth in the last week.

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Remember, the greatest compliment you can give us is a referral to a friend either live or online. If you enjoyed this episode, please leave us an awesome review and subscribe on iTunes because that helps boost the algorithm, that helps us move up the iTunes rankings and helps more people discover the Science of Success.

Don't forget, if you want to get all the incredible information we talk about in the show, links transcripts, everything we discuss and much more, be sure to check out our show notes. You can get those at successpodcast.com, just hit the show notes button right at the top.

Thanks again, and we'll see you on the next episode of the Science of Success.

November 07, 2019 /Lace Gilger
Focus & Productivity, High Performance
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How To Listen: The Most Underrated Leadership Hack In the 21st Century with Oscar Trimboli

October 03, 2019 by Lace Gilger in Focus & Productivity, Influence & Communication

Are you feeling too distracted to pay attention? Does listening make your brain hurt? In a world full of noise and distraction - listening is the biggest leadership hack in today’s world. In this episode we crack the code on how to deeply listen, how to listen to what is unsaid, and the tons of specific hacks and tactics you can use to take your listening to the next level with our guest Oscar Trimboli.

Oscar Trimboli is on a quest to create 100 million Deep Listeners in the world. He is an author, Host of the Apple Award winning podcast--Deep Listening and a sought-after keynote speaker. He consults for organizations including Cisco, Google, HSBC, and many others. He is the author of the best selling works Breakthroughs: How to confront assumptions and Deep Listening: Impact Beyond Words.

  • If you can listen, you can change the world

  • The mission of creating 100 million listeners

  • If you can achieve your goal in your lifetime it’s not ambitious enough

  • We are struggling as individuals and the world is struggling - we are distracted, we can’t focus, we are overwhelmed

  • 86% of people struggle with distraction today

  • We spent the 20th century learning how to speak, the leadership hack for the 21st century is learning how to listen

  • The more senior you are, the more you lead, the more time you spend listening

  • Less than 2% of people have been trained how to listen

  • How do you teach your kids how to listen? How do you teach your employees how to listen?

  • We listen in 2 dimensions - we listen in black and white right now - but we can listen in more colors, and we can listen more deeply.

  • Listen to someone on TV who you fiercely disagree with.

  • What’s the difference between hearing vs listening?

  • What assumptions and prejudices do you hold?

  • How do you become aware of your listening blind spots?

  • Spend 30 minutes listening to someone who you fiercely disagree with, and you will start to really understand your listening blind spots.

  • We spend a huge chunk of our lives screaming to be noticed.

  • Hearing = here sounds. Listening = make sense of what you hear.

  • The difference between hearing and listening is the action you take.

  • Deep listening is helping the person who is speaking make sense of what they’re saying

  • “Active listening”

    • Focus on the speaker

    • Notice what they’re saying

    • Use nonverbal affirmatives

  • Three key lessons from neuroscience about listening

    • You speak at 125 words per minute

    • You can listen at 400 words per minute

    • You think at 900 words per minute

  • We can listen so much faster than we can speak, it creates a massive opportunity for us to get distracted

  • You must be an “empty vessel” to focus on someone else and actually listen to them

  • Does listening make your brain hurt?

  • 3 Quick tips to center yourself in a conversation

    • (1) switch your cell phone off (or put it on airplane mode). Cell phones are the #1 barrier to listening better.

    • (2) Drink water during a conversation. A hydrated brain is a listening brain.

    • (3) The deeper you breathe, the deeper you listen. The more oxygen you can get to your brain,

  • Before you even think about listening to the speaker, you have to be ready to listen.

  • The ability to being able to listen to what’s unsaid

  • When somebody says something, treat silence at the end of what they say like it’s a another word.

  • 3 Phrases to continue any conversation

    • What Else?

    • Tell me more?

    • How long have you been thinking about this?

  • In our rush to fill the silence, we miss out on quite a lot.

  • When you use phrases like “tell me more” you give someone the opportunity to align their thoughts more clearly, think through the idea, and figure out the most important themes and ideas to shine through in the conversation.

  • Using silence as a weapon

  • How many breakthroughs are you missing in your organization just because you’re not listening?

  • 5 Levels of Listening

    • (1) Listening to yourself and not paying attention to the speaker

    • (2) Listening to the content

      • Tip: Listen for energy, listen to where in their body they are speaking from. Listen to their body language.

      • Tip: Listening to state change. Then ask “what happened for you then?"

    • (3) Listening for the context

      • Understand what patterns they talk about. Past or future? Problems vs solutions? Individuals vs collective?

      • Ask: “I’m curious if you’ve noticed any patterns in what you’ve said so far?"

    • (4) Listening for what’s unsaid

      • Tip: Discover the other 800 word’s stuck in their head.

    • (5) Listening for the meaning

      • Trust your gut feel just a little bit more.

      • Ask: What movie is happening right now in this organization? What show are we in right now? What TV character are we? What book are we in?

  • “You’ve heard something in 25 minutes that we couldn’t hear in 3 months"

  • A powerful question that can solve insurmountable business problems: Who are you not listening to right now?

    • In business, it’s oftentimes the people closest to the customer who aren't being listened to.

  • Sometimes the people you really need to listen to aren’t in the room.

  • The only way to get someone to see the gap between where they are today and where they want to be tomorrow is by ASKING THEM A QUESTION, not by telling them.

  • The magic happens when you put your attention on other people instead of just putting it on yourself.

  • If the question if about YOU and YOUR understanding, it’s not as powerful as a question helping THEM improve THEIR understanding.

  • Homework: Listen to something you deeply disagree with for 30 minutes.

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Want To Dig In More?! - Here’s The Show Notes, Links, & Research

General

  • Oscar’s Website and Podcast

  • Oscar’s LinkedIn, Twitter, and Facebook

Media

  • Business Insider - “5 reasons people don’t listen to you, according to neuroscience” by Corrinne Armour

  • Medium - “Unlock your listening blind spots with this puzzle” by Oscar Trimboli

  • Oscar’s Author directory on CRN

  • [Podcast] Manage 2 Win - #31 - DEEP LISTENING WITH OSCAR TRIMBOLI

  • [Podcast] The Cleverness w/ Dr. Jason Fox: How to facilitate ‘depth’—a conversation with Oscar Trimboli

  • [Podcast] Play Your Position: Oscar Trimboli on the Numerous Rewards of Deep Listening

  • [Podcast] Consulting Success: The Secret Power Of Listening with Oscar Trimboli: Podcast #89

  • [Podcast] Salesforce -Quotable: Episode #143: Listen to What Customers Aren’t Saying, with Oscar Trimboli

  • [Podcast] Leadership Happy Hour: 121 - Deep Listening With Oscar Trimboli

  • [Podcast] Art of Charm: 5 Hacks to Improve Your Listening | Q&A w/ Oscar Trimboli (Episode 726)

Videos

  • Oscar’s YouTube Channel

  • Deep Listening - Impact beyond words

  • Cathy Jamieson - The results of business coaching with Oscar Trimboli

  • Janine Garner Unleashing Brilliance Podcast

  • The Art of Charm (show excerpt)- 3 Easy Tips on Listening Better

  • JBarrows Sales Training - Listening Skills - Oscar Trimboli - Make It Happen Mondays

  • Leaders of Transformation Podcast - LOT Podcast 225: Oscar Trimboli: Deep Listening - Impact Beyond Words

Books

  • Deep Listening: Impact Beyond Words  by Oscar Trimboli

  • Breakthroughs: How to confront assumptions by Oscar Trimboli

Misc

  • [Download] Oscar’s Five Myths of Listening

Episode Transcript

[00:00:04.4] ANNOUNCER: Welcome to The Science of Success. Introducing your host, Matt Bodnar.

[0:00:11.8] MB: Welcome to the Science of Success; the number one evidence-based growth podcast on the internet with more than four million downloads and listeners in over a hundred countries.

Are you feeling distracted to pay attention? Does listening make your brain hurt? In a world full of noise and distraction, listening is the biggest leadership hack in today’s world. In this episode, we crack the code on how to deeply listen, how to listen for what is unsaid and tons of specific hacks and tactics you can use to take your listening to the next level with our guest, Oscar Trimboli.

Are you a fan of the show and have you been enjoying the content that we put together for you? If you have, I would love it if you signed up for our e-mail list. We have some amazing content on there, along with a really great free course that we put a ton of time into called How To Create Time for What Matters Most In Your Life. If that sounds exciting and interesting and you want a bunch of other free goodies and giveaways along with that, just go to successpodcast.com. You can sign up right on the homepage. That’s successpodcast.com. Or if you’re on your phone right now, all you have to do is text the word “smarter”, that’s S-M-A-R-T-E-R to the number 44-222.

When you listen to our previous interview, you can uncover the neuroscience of how your brain get stuck and finally start using the strategies that really work to create more breakthroughs and results in your life with our previous guest, Dr. David Rock. If you’re feeling stuck and want to get a major breakthrough, listen to our previous episode.

Now, for our interview with Oscar.

[0:01:50.5] MB: Today, we have another great guest on the show, Oscar Trimboli. Oscar is on a quest to create a 100 million deep listeners in the world. He’s an author, host of the Apple award-winning podcast Deep Listening and a sought-after keynote speaker. He consults for organizations, including Cisco, Google, HSBC and many more. He's the author of the best-selling works Breakthroughs: How to Confront Assumptions and Deep Listening: Impact Beyond Words. Oscar, welcome to the Science of Success.

[0:02:21.5] OT: Thanks, Matt. I'm really looking forward to listening to your questions and curious about what I can learn from one of the creative capitals of the world in Nashville.

[0:02:30.3] MB: That's awesome. Well Oscar, it's so good to have you on the show. I'm a big fan of your work and really the message that you share. To begin the conversation, I'd like to start with a simple question, which is just how did you come to listening? Why listening? What made you want to write about that and start talking to people about the importance of it?

[0:02:51.6] OT: I think, listening found me rather than me finding listening, whether it was growing up in a school with 23 nationalities, people from post-war Europe, or people from post-war Asia or South America all learning English as their second language, whether it was rebuilding a graduate program at Microsoft that eventually got taken to 26 countries around the world and listening to the graduates who'd stayed with Microsoft, as well as the graduates who left.

Ultimately, when a vice president said to me – Tracy said, “Oscar, if you could code the way you listen, you could change the world.” Ignored that for about two years. Then somebody else said something really similar. They said to me, “If you could train 10 million listeners in the world, you could make a huge difference.”

I came back a month later and said, “Yeah, I could do that, Matt.” They said, “Great. Well, if you could do 10 million, why don't you do a 100 million?” I went, “Huh?! I just said 10 million. That's a huge number.” They said, “If you can achieve your goal in your lifetime, it's not ambitious enough. Add a zero. Go for a 100 million and see what's possible.” I was chatting to Kevin in Atlanta recently and he threw out a challenge to me to make it a billion. He said, “Come on. McDonald's has sold more burgers than you’re trying to get to listeners. Be a little bit more ambitious.”

[0:04:13.0] MB: I love that. What a great piece of wisdom. It has nothing to do with listening, but it's so insightful. If you can achieve your goal in your lifetime, it's not ambitious enough.

[0:04:21.7] OT: Yeah. Matt, who was the person who told me that, really challenged me to stop thinking about listening only as something that – was something that I could teach face-to-face. He forced me to get it into books and said build podcasts and their assessment tools and so many other ways you could get this out to the world.

Because right now, that world’s struggling. We're struggling individually with distraction, we're struggling with our cellphones, we're struggling to stay in the moment. In fact, it's happening for you right now while you're listening to this podcast. You may be commuting and distracted, or you may be exercising and distracted. Distraction for the people in our research database, 1,410 people, 86% of people are struggling with distraction, either externally, like a device, a phone, a laptop, an iPad, or internally with some of the own noise going on in your head. Your radio station may be playing at a completely different frequency to what the conversation is that's going on right now.

We've spent the 20th century, Matt, learning how to speak. I think the leadership hack for the 21st century is learning how to listen. The stats are really simple. You spend 55% of your day listening on average. The more senior you are, or the larger the organization you lead, the more of your day is spent listening. Senior execs are spending up to 83% percent of their day listening, yet only 2% of us have ever been trained on how to listen. I'm sure, Matt, you had a very much more sophisticated education than me. You probably had a listening teacher growing up, right?

[0:06:08.3] MB: I definitely did not have a listening teacher.

[0:06:10.7] OT: Most of us don't. Our biggest and most influential listening teacher are our parents. The closest they get to it is, “Matt, I wish you'd really listen to me right now. Why aren't you paying attention?” When I get asked offstage after I speak on the topic, the number one and two questions I get asked and they're pretty interchangeable, can you help me teach my manager how to listen? Or how do I teach my kids how to listen? At the end of the day, everything you do is role-modeling listening.

The reality is without a listening teacher, although we can see in color, we listen in black and white, we listen in two dimensions, we listen to what they say and we try and make sense of the sentences and the paragraphs and the stories. The reality is there's so much more to listening, if we could listen in five different colors. Not mountainous technical, but just move from listening in black and white to five colors, it would make a huge difference in the world.

I'll flip it the other way though, Matt. If you think about the teacher who made the biggest difference for you at school, generally people say it's the teacher that listen to them. Is that true for you?

[0:07:22.4] MB: That's a good question. I don't know if it's true for me or not. The thing that taught me how to listen is that I was a debater in high school and you have to be able to listen really intently to understand what the other side is saying and doing.

[0:07:36.4] OT: How did that make you a better debater by doing that?

[0:07:39.7] MB: We're flipping the script already. I like it. It made me a better debater, because – and this is something that as you're well aware and you’re evangelizing this idea around the world to be successful at anything. I apply this in business and life, across the board. You have to understand what someone else is doing, what they're saying, what they're feeling, what they're going through, to be able to respond, to be able to provide a solution.

That was true, whether it's a response in a debate, all the way up to whether you're dealing with a management crisis at a company. It's the same fundamental thing. You have to be able to understand what's really going on and what's really happening and confront reality as best as you can discern it. To be able to do that, you really have to listen very deeply.

[0:08:25.5] OT: The latest I work with Matt and you highlight this from the debate. One of the exercises I set them is for today, the next day and the next week, listen to somebody in the media you fiercely disagree with. In doing, so not a person who's right in front of you, like it was with your debate, but if you can tune your frequency to make sure that you listen to somebody in the media, whether that's on TV, or radio, or a podcast, whatever they have as an opinion, make sure it's the opposite to you.

Then you can start to understand the difference between hearing and listening, because if you listen to someone you fiercely disagree with, suddenly you'll become conscious not only of their assumptions, their judgments, their prejudice, anything you find that's different in your historical experience to them. You’ll also start to notice that as a mirror back to yourself and you wonder, “What prejudice am I holding? What assumptions am I holding?”

A really simple tip for everybody, if you want to become aware of your listening blind spots, those things you're not even conscious are true for you. Spend one day out of t6he next seven and spend 30 minutes listening to someone you fiercely disagree with through the media. 30 minutes is important, because for five minutes you can hold it, maybe even for 15 minutes you can hold it. Once you go past the 18-minute mark, you start to get frustrated and you start to get angry and you start to wanted to bake that person there. A really simple, practical tip for everybody; if you want to become conscious of your listening blind spots, listen to somebody you fiercely disagree with.

[0:10:08.5] MB: Yeah, that's a great tip and a great strategy. I want to come back to something you said a second ago that I think bears digging into more, which is this notion of the difference between hearing and listening. Tell me more about that.

[0:10:21.1] OT: We all hear, in fact the very first skill we learn inside our mother's womb at 20 weeks is to distinguish our mother's sound from any other sound, Matt. At 32, weeks you can distinguish Beethoven from Bon Jovi from Bieber. The minute we come into the world, we come into the world on very active birth. The moment you scream is when the clock starts. That's when on your birth certificate, the time of your birth is defined by the time you scream. We spend the rest of our life screaming to be noticed.

Yet, the very last thing that leaves us as skill when we pass away, when I interviewed a couple of palliative care nurses and doctors is hearing. Hearing is listening to sounds. In fact, while you sleep, you can hear. It's really important that you hear while you sleep. It's part of our survival instincts. Listening is the ability to make sense of what you hear. The difference between hearing and listening I always say is the action you take. Nothing is more frustrating when you have a conversation with somebody. You nod and you commit to do something and you don't do it. The next time they come back they go, “How did you go with that?” You’re, “Oh, I forgot.” They interpret that as, “Well, you heard what I said, but you really didn't listen.”

For most of us, listening is about making sense of what we hear. Deep listening on the other hand, is helping the person who's speaking to make sense of what they're saying, because too much of listening is fixated on ourselves and understanding what we need to do to make meaning of what they're saying. That's handy, but a really powerful listener helps the person speaking make sense of what they're saying, not just you make sense of what they're saying as well.

Most of us in the 80s and the 90s, they had this amazing movement called the Active Listening Movement, which is focus on the speaker, notice what they're saying, nod, use non-verbal affirmatives like, “Mm-hmm. Mm, or tell me more,” as an example. The reality is all that's helping you to do is helping you to listen is interesting. Helping them to listen to themselves is even more important.

Matt, there's three parts in neuroscience I'd love everybody to understand before they leave the podcast today. If you are only taking one note, this is the note I'd be taking; if I got run over by a truck and I hope that one thing I pass on to the world is these three numbers. I speak at a 125 words a minute. You listen at 400 words a minute and I think at 900 words a minute. We're going to deconstruct each of those numbers.

This is the maths and science of listening. It's the neuroscience of listening. If I speak at 125 words a minute and you can listen at 400, Matt, you're going to be distracted. You're going to fill in the gap. I'm going to sound boring and there's 300 words you're going to fill in your head, because you can. If you want to try this out, just turn the podcast up to 2 times speed and you'll still be able to make sense of what we say. Blind people can listen at up to 300 words a minute, because they've trained their mind to do that. For blind people, the speed at which they can listen increases their ability to literally see their environment around them.

If I can speak at only a 125 words a minute, a horserace caller, or an auctioneer can speak it up to 200 words a minute, you can still make sense of that, but we're all programmed to be distracted. Again, it's happening for you right now. I'm not speaking fast enough and you're filling in the gaps for those 300 words that I'm not speaking fast enough for you. It gets worse. If you're on your cellphone and you're sending a text message, or a WhatsApp message, or anything else on that phone, it's impossible for you to notice what I'm not saying. It's impossible for you to notice my body language.

Here's the frustrating thing for me as the speaker, I've got 900 words stuck in my head and I can only get a 125 words out at any one time then. The maths is really simple. The likelihood, that first thing out of my mouth is what I'm thinking, there's a 1 in 9 chance, or 11% that what I say is what I'm thinking. I'm at the stage in my life that I'm spending more time with a doctor than I'd like. If they said to me I've got an 11% chance of surviving surgery, I'd be asking for a second opinion. The reality is in a conversation, we should be asking for a second opinion as well, Matt.

[0:15:01.5] MB: I want to explore a couple of the things you said. Those are some really interesting stats. Coming back to something you talked about a second ago, tell me about this idea of how do we help somebody listen to themselves? I might be phrasing that incorrectly, but how do we focus on the other person and the idea of deep listening, how do we help them make sense of what they're saying, as opposed to just actively listening to them?

[0:15:25.5] OT: Yeah. The very first place to start is to remember if there are five levels of listening, level one is not paying attention to the speaker. Level one is listening to yourself. You can't be conscious enough to focus on them.

They're listening if you've got the last conversation that you just had in your head, or the next conversation, or the fact you've got to go to the gym later on this evening, or the fact you've got to sort out something on the weekend, or you've got a dinner party, or you've got a birthday party and you've got all this noise going on in your head before you even get to the conversation. It's impossible for you to help them listen, until you listen to yourself. You need to be an empty vessel in the conversation, so you can focus on them.

A lot of us come into the conversation as if we jump into the passenger seat of a car and forget to put our own seat belts on. We're driving away in the conversation and all of a sudden, if they slam the brakes on, you're going to go through the front window, because you're not in the same swim lane as they are. You're not in the same conversation. Three really quick tips, Matt, to get you centered, ready for that conversation to help them listen to themselves.

Tip number one, switch your cellphone off. Oh, wow. That's crazy talk. I know. If you're addicted to your phone, which about 86% of us are, just switch it to flight mode then. In flight mode, you can take some notes, but you're not getting notifications coming in. In the data that we've done, 1,410 people, the biggest struggle people have with listening is the distraction of the cellphone. That by far makes up the biggest distraction.

If you want to improve how you've listened and you've got the cellphone switch to flight mode or off, here's two other tips; tip number two, drink water during the conversation. Just a glass of water for every 30 minutes in a dialogue. A hydrated brain is a listening brain. The brain represents 6% of the body mass, but it consumes up to 25% percent of the blood sugars of the body. It's a really hungry part of the brain.

The reality is a hydrated brain can get more blood sugars there faster. Brain that isn't taught how to listen struggles with how to listen. We do a lot of work in the prefrontal cortex when it comes to listening. This is the most modern part of the brain. When it's untrained, it feels hard. A lot of people say to me, listening makes my brain hurt. I always say you're doing it wrong. If that's how you're doing it and we'll explain what that means shortly.

Tip number three is simply this; the deeper you breathe, the deeper you listen. If you can notice your breathing and deepen your breathing, the more oxygen you can get to the brain, the more likely it is that your brain will perform well on the task of listening. Three things before we even start fixating on the speaker is to get ourselves into a state that we're available to hear what they're saying and more importantly, to hear what they're not saying. That's where we're going to go to next. I'm sure that's prompted a few questions for you, Matt.

[0:18:37.8] MB: Many different things that I want to explore, and so many important themes and ideas. I think the place I want to come back to, those are great tips – I really love. I want to reiterate, or emphasize the point you made about putting your cellphone in airplane mode and even the idea of actually telling somebody in a conversation, “Hey, I'm going to put my phone in airplane mode, so I can really focus on you and this conversation,” is a really powerful gesture.

[0:19:03.5] OT: It reminds me of a have a great story I have to share with you. About 11 years ago, Peter was flying from Seattle Microsoft head office. He ran about a 100 million dollar business for Microsoft. It was not insignificant. You figured this guy's pretty busy. I was hosting 20 CEOs in Australia in a roundtable, where he would be at the head of the table. We were in a fancy-pants hotel that had this big boardroom table and he literally just flown in from Seattle that morning. He's straight into the meeting. It was 9:00 a.m. and he was at the head of the table.

What Peter did next really changed the way I thought about listening. He sat down. I introduced him. Then Peter said, “I'm really sorry. Please forgive me. The most important thing I can give you right now is my attention.” With that, he stood up. He took his cellphone out of his jacket pocket, switched it off and put it in his bag. Now what was interesting was what happened next with the other 20 CEOs sitting around the table. What do you think happened then, Matt?

[0:20:12.2] MB: I don't know. They all put their phones away?

[0:20:13.9] OT: Yeah. 14 of them put their cellphones into their bags. Now what that did for the other six was interesting. I don't know if it shamed them into doing something, but I'm guessing the rest switched them into flight mode.

For a lot of us, we can bring about change just by role-modeling that change. In most meetings, when I do that, the person I'm working with will reciprocate. If we want to bring about change, it's not about asking everybody else to make that change. If you can simply role-model, make an example that you're going to switch your phone into airplane mode, you'll be surprised what happens to the other person, but more important what happens next on the quality of the conversation.

[0:20:58.4] MB: I love that point too about saying the most important thing I can give you is my attention. I might be paraphrasing a little bit, but that was such a powerful example, such a great gesture. It's something that's so simple to do and yet, it's hard and it's not necessarily easy.

[0:21:17.8] OT: What happened at the end of the meeting was fascinating. These execs, they got these amazingly tight schedules. They're in the country for two to three days and they have all these very highly leveraged meetings where he was just going to other locations to do very similar kinds of meetings. I do briefed the group for the next half an hour.

What was fascinating was they said they were expecting the group to talk about the future of technology, or something else to do with technology, or technically orientated conversations. That's what they were expecting from Peter in that dialogue. What they said was – Peter was just asking each of them what they were struggling with personally. He created a pretty safe environment. That group, I know stayed connected well after this event with some of the challenges they were talking about themselves personally. The value that Peter created wasn't just the value around what he talked about technically for a very brief period of time, but he helped everyone listen to each other. That again is a really powerful thing we can do.

A lot of the times if there's three, four, five, six people in the room, we generally hear from the loudest. We don't take the time to make sure that everybody is being heard. That's really critical. Again, the difference between a recreational listener and a deep listener, a powerful listener and impactful listener is their ability to listen to what's unsaid bad.

Back to the point about helping somebody make sense of what they're saying themselves, the most potent thing we can do as a listener is to help them make sense of those 800 words stuck in their head. Back to the maths again, I speak at a 125 words a minute. I can think at 900. That's an average. Some people can think at 600 words a minute. Some people can speak way up, I think way up to 1,600 words a minute.

On average, we speak at about – I think at about 900 words a minute. If I say the first thing that comes out of my mouth, unless I'm a great actor who's rehearsed my lines well, the likelihood what I say is what I mean, is 11%. You get probably better odds going to Las Vegas and playing the slot machines, or going on the roulette wheel. The odds are going to be much better for you there.

Here's a couple of simple, practical tips; when somebody says something, treat silence at the end of what they say like it's a word. Listen to the beginning of the word, the middle of the word and the end of the word. Treat silence like it's another word. In doing so, what you'll notice is they'll either unpack another 125 words in their head. Well, they’ll pause. Might bow their head down a little bit. If you can remember these simple phrases, what else? Tell me more. How long have you been thinking about this? What else? Tell me more. What else have you been thinking about this?

All of a sudden, just magic happens. You'll be nodding as I say this. What they’ll do is they'll draw their breath and they'll use phrases like this, “Hmm. Well, actually. What's really important on this topic is.” Or they'll say, “Hmm. Now that I think about it, what I haven't told you is.” Or they’ll say, “Hmm. What I've said is interesting, but let's focus on this.” It doesn't matter how it comes out, Matt. What they're doing is exploring what stuck in their brain.

You see, our mind is like a washing machine. While we're on wash cycle, it's sudsy, it's dirty, it's moving around and it's not making much progress. When we speak, it's like the rinse cycle of a washing machine. It's clean water it's coming into our brain. As we speak and express this idea, what's happening to the neural pathways and the synaptic connections is that creating an electronic circuit for the idea to be expressed.

Then the idea takes a concrete form, where we can look at it together, we can analyze it together and more importantly, the speaker can see it and notice it. For most of us, if we just practice saying, “Tell me more,” you'll be shocked what you hear. More importantly, they'll start to understand what they mean, not just what they said the first time. Have you ever been in a situation like that, Matt?

[0:26:04.4] MB: Yeah, absolutely. Those are great strategies. I love all three of those techniques, or phrases that you can use to really dig in and explore any conversation. Even the fourth thing, which is the silence, silence is such a powerful strategy, such a powerful tool. In some cases, can even be a weapon in some conversations.

[0:26:25.0] OT: In the West, we have a poor relationship with silence. We call it the pregnant pause. We call it the awkward silence. Yet in China, Korea, Japan, many of the ancient traditions like the Inuit of North America, the Aborigines of Australia, the Maori and the Polynesian cultures, a lot of the ancient jungle cultures of Africa and South America, silence is a sign of wisdom. It's a sign of seniority. It's something they're extraordinarily comfortable with. Then in our rush in the West to fill silence, we actually miss out on quite a lot.

[0:27:04.9] MB: Tell me more.

[0:27:06.3] OT: I like how you’re role modeling that, Matt. It shows you're listening. What that made me feel when you say tell me more is like, “Wow, Matt's taking the time not only to hear what I said, but to listen to it and use the phrase.” In a lot of Aboriginal cultures for example, and the great storytelling cultures of the planet, silence makes it an important part of the story to allow the person who's listening to the story to catch up in their mind, the gap between their imagination and what the speakers are actually saying.

It also helps them to overlay their own experience and meaning behind it. For most of us, if we've heard powerful public speakers, what we may have noticed in stage shows, or musicals, great oration, you can think about Martin Luther's speech I have a dream. There are many pauses that he use in that speech to allow the 200,000 people at the Washington Monument to catch up with what he was saying that was really important.

In using that simple phrase, ‘tell me more’, we create much more nuance in the dialogue. We create much more awareness in the dialogue, not just for me as a speaker, but also for you, Matt, in asking that question tell me more, now you've understood a bit more about the storytelling cultures. For those in the audience listening, I have a different perspective.

[0:28:42.7] MB: Hey, I'm here real quick with confidence expert, Dr. Aziz Gazipura to share a lightning round insight with you. Dr. Aziz, how can people say no more often and stop people-pleasing?

[0:28:56.2] AG: This is not only important to figure out how to do, but to start practicing immediately. Because most people don't realize, their anxiety, their stress, their overwhelm is often a result of not saying no. Here are some quick tips on how to start doing that; first of all, imagine right now in your life where would you benefit from saying no, where do you feel overloaded, pressured, overwhelmed, even if intellectually you're telling yourself you should, tune into your heart, tune into your body, where do you feel, “I don't want to.” Start paying attention to that. Start honoring that.

The next tip is to imagine saying no and then notice how you feel, because you're probably going to feel all kinds of good stuff, right? Guilt, fear, what are they going to think? I don't want to let this person down. What you want to do is before you go say no to them, you want to work through that. You want to address that. You want to get out on paper, “Can I say this? Why can't I say this? What's stopping me from doing this?” Do a little prep work so you can really just practice it.

Then the third and most important step, of course it's going to be to go say no. start saying no liberally. Start saying no regularly. In fact, after listening to this, find an opportunity today to say no, because the more you do it like anything else, like any sub-skill of confidence, the more you do it, the easier it will become and the freer you'll become in your life.

[0:30:12.6] MB: Do you want the confidence to say no and boldly ask for what you deserve? Sign up for Dr. Aziz's confidence university by visiting successpodcast.com/confidence. That's successpodcast.com/confidence and start saying no today.

[0:30:31.4] MB: I think it's fascinating that tell me more, what else, etc., these phrases create the opportunity to simultaneously bridge that gap, the numbers gap to be a deeper listener and to get a more rich nuanced and detailed understanding of whatever you happen to be discussing.

[0:30:51.5] OT: A lot of what we've discussed so far, we think about in one-on-one settings. I want to take you to a room in a workshop that I was doing in 2015. It was March. It was one of those narrow, dusty boardrooms with poor light. We'd been working since 8:30 in the morning in a workshop with a group of leaders in an organization that had been growing at about 30% since they started five years earlier.

In that room and was 11 people and we were just before the lunch break. It was about quarter to 12. Everyone was hungry. The CEO was giving me the eyes to say, “Hurry up. Let's get to lunch.” We just had one simple exercise. The exercise was this; if you were to describe our organization as an animal, what animal would you describe it as? As we went around the room, the loudest spoke first. They anchored the conversation. People tend to follow what the first off people would say.

Some people said an eagle. Some people said an osprey. Some people said, think of any bird, or prey that moves really fast, flies and adapts to its conditions and kills things. That's what everybody was saying. Yet, Elaine who was the last person in the room, the card-carrying member of the introvert community, she hadn't finished. The CEO was looking at me as if like, “Can we just get to lunch? We don't have to wait for her.” I turned to her. I didn't say anything. I just turned my body to face her. I reached out my hand as if to make an invitation and she looked at me and said, “I thought we were a snake.” The tension in the room rose dramatically. When you think of a snake, Matt, what goes through your head if you were to describe the characteristics of a snake?

[0:32:48.1] MB: Quiet. Slithering is what comes to mind.

[0:32:52.9] OT: Anything else?

[0:32:53.6] MB: Sneaky.

[0:32:55.2] OT: If you were to generically say snake is good or bad, it's probably not good.

[0:33:00.3] MB: Yeah, negative.

[0:33:02.9] OT: Yeah. Again, I'm looking around the room to seeing the reaction of everybody and the CEO by now is giving me these laser-like, comic-strip laser eyes straight into mine, as if to burn my skull like, “Can we get to lunch? We don't need to listen about a snake.” I extended my arm in invitation just a little bit further. I've done all of this without saying a single word to Elaine. She said, “I thought it was obvious that we've forgotten to shed our skin for our clients. We haven't adapted to the seasons.”

The backstory is the business was growing at 30% per annum, but it had now plateaued. Competitors were doing a much better job of them. She said, “Every season, we would adapt like a snake would and shed its skin. As the seasons change, we would change too. We've forgotten how to change.” The room completely moved to a different space. Rather than going to launch, the CEO asked more question. He skillfully didn't fight and judge the idea.

What happened as a result then, the organization started making product names based on snakes. They started thinking about that shedding skin moment. Are we getting close enough to our clients, which was another thing Elaine said; a snake can get up so close to you, you can't even notice, but we've forgotten how to do that. Whereas a bird has to swoop in and sweep out and can be quite quick and move out very quickly as well.

The point is really simple, how many Elaine's are you not listening to in meetings that can completely change the trajectory of the thinking of the organization? You see, introverts think deeper and longer. It doesn't make their opinion any less valid, but because we don't take the time to listen at level four, which is listening for the unsaid, we'll miss those opinions consistently.

When you're in group meetings, if you're leading the meeting and even if you're not, draw out the opinions of those who haven't been heard and it will completely transform not only the direction of the meeting, but also the impact of the meeting too.

[0:35:20.3] MB: Incredible story and so interesting. I love how you even teed it up and said, “What do you think about snakes?” Then you come to this realization of the powerful implications of that. Really, really interesting. You touched a second ago on level four of listening and earlier, we started sharing the five levels. I'd love to come back and really share all five of those and unpack them a little bit.

[0:35:44.8] OT: Yeah, let's do the quick movie trailer for the five levels of listening. Level one, listening to yourself; level two, listening to the content; level three, listening for the context; level four, listening for what's unsaid and then level five, listening for the meaning. For each of those levels, I'll just provide one quick explanation and a tip, Matt, if that makes sense.

At level two, listening for the content, this is where most of us if we've had any training in how to listen, or our focus on how to listen means we listen for the content of the speaker, we listen for their words, we may listen for their body language. The ninja tip at listening for content is listen for energy. Notice how far back their shoulders are. If you can listen to where they're speaking from, that's even more powerful. See if you can notice the change in my voice as I have moved down further into my throat. I'm a little bit more constricted down here and that probably tells you I'm not comfortable articulating the idea, as opposed to doing it from here, which is down in my deep diaphragm and I'm feeling very comfortable with it.

If your head is in your cellphone and you're not paying attention, you're not going to notice that vocal fry. That happens occasionally, because sometimes it only happens in a microsecond. For some people, the simple act of taking their shoulders back a little bit further and filling their lungs with air, gives you a great signal to say something's changed for them.

Listening to what they say, even watching body language as an example, are their arms crossed, or are they squinting when they talk? All these non-verbal signals are taught to us in body language. Ultimately, the third thing you want to notice it's listening for state change. In doing that, you can simply ask them what happened for you then? They'll go, wow, they noticed that I brought my shoulders back or leaned in.

All of a sudden, that's the same code word to help them explain and get connected, not just to what they're thinking, Matt, but also to what they're feeling. Your gut has more nerve endings than the brain. If we can help people get more connected with the gut feel, that's an awesome way to listen.

Level three, listening for the context, we want to understand what patterns they talk about. Do they talk always about the past or the future? Do they talk about problems or solutions? Do they talk about themselves as individuals, or do they talk about collectives, teams for example, organizations, or families? Or do they talk about very internal things, either internal to them, or internal to the organization, or are they externally orientated?

If you can notice patterns in the way people dialogue, you can simply say to them, “I'm curious if you've noticed any patterns in what you've said so far.” Again, that's another way for them to start to think about what they haven't said. In most cases, whatever pattern you're thinking about, they won't notice. If you say to them, “I’m curious if you've noticed any patterns in what you've said so far,” whatever pattern they come up with is probably not the pattern you're thinking about.

Level four we've spent a bit of time here, but this is the ninja move of listening; listening for what’s unsaid. It sounds completely counterintuitive, but we want to unpick the other 800 words that are stuck inside people's head. Listening to the unsaid expands the conversation, helps them make sense of what they mean, but this is where you can have an impact beyond words and you can amplify the impact, not just of you in that conversation, them in that conversation, but you can have probably multi-generational impacts on some of the conversations you have, because you're expanding the thinking.

Level five is listening for meaning. Listening and meaning can be something as simple as this; I was doing a workshop with a sterile manufacturing company a couple of years ago. 86 people managers in a room, Matt, and you could cut the tension with a knife in there. I was there to talk about listening, but I could sense by about the 20-minute mark, the room wasn't there to listen about listening. They had many other things on their mind. For a lot of us, we just need to trust our gut feel a little bit more.

I turned to my host who was the CEO and said to him, “If it's okay with you, you I'm just going to change what I'm going to do for the next five minutes. Are you okay with that?” He looked at me, again as if to say, “Are you crazy, man?” I said, “Well, do you trust me?” He goes, “Do I have a choice?” I said, “Yeah, you do. You're my host. I'm in your hands. It's your audience.” He says, “I trust you. Go for it.” I turn to the room and I said, “Look, just for the next 2 minutes, can you just turn to the person next to you. Tell me what movie is happening right now in this organization, on this site with 500 other employees working out there.” The room instantly changed energy, Matt.

It was this buzz in the room. There was lots of laughter and everybody was having a joke. It was really hard to pull the group back, to be honest. I probably lost complete control of the room at that point in time. Then and I thought it was 2 minutes, but it was probably closer to 7. We wound the group back and said, “Hey, we'd love to know some of the movies.” As the hands went up, the movie was Die Hard with a vengeance, the movie Titanic, the movie was Tara Inferno.

You named a disaster movie and they were sighing at that. Now the funny thing is none of them would ever have turned to the CEO in the room and said, “Coming to work every day feels like I'm working in a disaster movie.” That simple question what movie are we in, or what book are we in, or what stage show are we in, what TV character might we be? These simple ways to detach yourself from the content, all of a sudden changed the mood of the meeting. It changed the mood of my host.

He stood up on stage. He took the microphone off me and gestured for me to sit in his seat in the front row. At that point I just went, “Oh, well. I guess I'm not getting paid for this gig.” What he did next was amazing. He turned to the room. He apologized. He said, “I'm really sorry. I don't expect anybody to come to work in a disaster. I've tried to solve this problem with you for three months and I can't fix it. Can you help me?” In that moment, he gave me the mic back and said, “Oscar, you've heard something in 25 minutes that we haven't heard in three months. Can you use the remaining time to help us move forward?” All I did next, Matt, was say, “Who aren't we listening to to solve this problem?” They all agreed they hadn't talked to the frontline production workers.

Now the backstory, for three months they've been struggling with an impurity in this very sterile manufacturing process. Every time they thought they'd solved it, the impurity came back. Now the implication of that is up to 10 million dollars’ worth of stock is stuck in quality assurance, because they won't let that go out to patients. In three days, talking to frontline production workers, they solved that problem. More importantly, they solved it permanently.

Sometimes the most important people to listen to aren’t even in the room. Yet for all their sophisticated six sigma and five-wise methodologies and powerful masters and PhDs and chemical engineering, it was the frontline workers, the people who packed boxes on the assembly line, who pointed out what was wrong in the piping in the system that helped everybody listen. If we didn't listen for the disaster movie, we wouldn't have had the permission to go there. That's where you can have an impact beyond words if you really listen deeply.

[0:43:50.6] MB: Another incredible story. Two of the questions that you brought to that are so fascinating. One, I love the question about what movie, or what book, or what TV show is happening right now in this organization. Such a great question. The other one, which you just touched on a second ago is this question of who are we not listening to right now? Both of those are tremendously powerful.

[0:44:13.5] OT: Unfortunately for a lot of organizations, the answer is the people closest to the customer. The people closest, if you're in a non-for-profit, those that we serve. If you don't listen to those frontline workers, you will be hearing from your regulators. You will be hearing from the media, because you missed the point of why the organization, or leaders exist. Because whether it's the global financial crisis, or the deep water horizons, BP oil spill off the coast of Louisiana, in all cases, the frontline workers weren’t being listened to, “They were telling us it's a problem. They were saying there were issues, there were complaints coming into the system, but people were choosing not to listen.”

For all of us in that moment, if we come back to this week for 30 minutes, just listen to someone you violently disagree with to help you tune your listening muscles in, to remove judgment and bias from the way you approach your listening. You'll make some huge steps to becoming a deep, powerful listener. Most practically, Matt, please switch that phone into flight mode for every conversation that matters and people say to me, “Yes, Oscar. What are the conversations that don't matter?” I always say, if you're having a conversation with a human, they all matter. You'll be surprised what you'll learn no matter who you speak to. Switch those cellphones to flight mode, you'll be shocked what you learn when you’re listening fully. You're listening in technicolor, rather than in black and white.

[0:45:53.5] MB: Two great recommendations. We usually ask our guests for one action tip, or practical piece of advice or homework for the listeners to execute, take home from the episode, I think both of those are great pieces for that. I have one other question, which I'm curious. One of the key components and this is something that I've unpacked a little bit just from some of the stories you've told is that you seem to be a master at asking great questions. How did you develop that skill set?

[0:46:21.3] OT: I think it was from watching other great masters asking questions. I think it's when you see the impact a question has on others and particularly for me in my case, so that question that we talked about right at the beginning when mind Matt, asked me the question, do you think you can achieve that goal in your lifetime? I said no. It was a great question. It’s simple. If you can achieve it in your lifetime, it's not ambitious enough.

Now it didn't matter what I said. The point he was trying to make was are you being ambitious enough in what you're trying to achieve? Now he could have said to me, “You're not being ambitious enough.” Yet the distinction that he made was really potent to me. If I can own my own change through my own awareness of the gap between where I am today and where I need to be in the future, I'm more likely to do it than if somebody tells me to do it. The only way you can get someone to notice the gap between where they are today and where they want to be tomorrow is not by telling them, it's by asking them a question.

Matt, if you were in my studio right now, on my right is a 4-foot poster of Yoda. On my left is a 2-foot stuffed Yoda and all across my shelves are various Yodas. Yoda asks lots of questions too. People have told me that my questions are Yoda-like. Ultimately, if you ask questions it means your attention is on them and not on you. Wow, it couldn't well be a different place if we all started to put our attention on the other, rather than just ourselves.

I think for me, I always talk great questions by other people. The thing I always do is ask myself this, it's what I'm about to say next? Is a question for me and my understanding. It's the wrong question. It needs to be about them and their understanding. That's a tough muscle to develop. It's really hard to keep your orientation and your attention on them, rather than, “Ah, it doesn't make any sense to me.” I work with actuaries inside insurance companies who calculate all kinds of things, the likelihood that your car’s going to be in an accident. If you contract some disease, how long you might live?

I have this thing called discalculus, which is my ability to transpose numbers. It’s not a good skill to have. It basically means that if you were to read out a telephone number to me, there's 25% chance I'd get it wrong. I'm not really good at maths, Matt. Yet, I consult to a lot of actuaries and insurance companies who have an amazing relationship with maths. Despite that, they will find me really helpful, because I never ask questions where I'm trying to understand the formula. I'm trying to help them understand their thinking and their formula as well.

I don't think, I wish I had a more elegant answer for you, Matt, about how do I learn to ask questions. I think for me, I've learned a lot by watching skillful questioners. The other thing I've always done consistently is ask myself that question, is this question for me or is it for them? I think, the more powerful questions will always be orientated around helping them.

[0:49:58.3] MB: The magic happens when you put your attention on other people, instead of just putting it on yourself. Such great wisdom, Oscar. Where can listeners find you, your work and everything we've talked about today online?

[0:50:12.2] OT: Really, simply if you just go to listeningmyths.com, there you'll be able to download those five practical tips that we talked about to keep you on track; switching off the cellphone, glass of water. There's a couple of other tips in there that just going to keep you on track for a little bit longer. Listeningmyths.com, that's the entry point to everything, Matt.

[0:50:39.6] MB: Well Oscar, thank you so much for coming on the show, for sharing all these wisdom, incredible and insightful stories and such a great conversation. Thank you so much for being a guest on the show.

[0:50:51.1] OT: Thanks for listening.

[0:50:52.7] MB: Thank you so much for listening to the Science of Success. We created this show to help you our listeners, master evidence-based growth. I love hearing from listeners. If you want to reach out, share your story, or just say hi, shoot me an e-mail. My e-mail is matt@successpodcast.com. That’s M-A-T-T@successpodcast.com. I’d love to hear from you and I read and respond to every single listener e-mail.

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Thanks again, and we'll see you on the next episode of the Science of Success.

October 03, 2019 /Lace Gilger
Focus & Productivity, Influence & Communication
Dr. David Rock-01.png

Neuroscience Hacks You Can Use To Change Behavior, Take Action & Finally Break Through What’s Holding You Back with Dr. David Rock

September 26, 2019 by Lace Gilger in Focus & Productivity, Influence & Communication

In this interview we discuss how to finally break through what’s holding you back, take action, and create lasting habit and behavior change. Less than 30% of people succeed in changing their behavior without using the tools and strategies we share in this interview. Uncover the neuroscience of how your brain gets stuck and finally start using strategies that really work to create more breakthroughs and results in your life with Dr. David Rock.

Dr. David Rock coined the term 'NeuroLeadership' and is the director of the NeuroLeadership Institute. He co-edits the NeuroLeadership Journal and heads up an annual global summit. He is the author of the best-selling 'Your Brain at Work', 'Quiet Leadership', and the textbook 'Coaching with the Brain in Mind'. He has been featured in the Harvard Business Review, Fortune Magazine, PsychologyToday and many more publications.

  • The brain gets stuck very easily. What happens when we get stuck?

  • Its really hard for our brains to break out of their preexisting molds and patterns of thinking

  • Even breaking out of the smallest mental “schemas” can be very difficult

  • The mind blowing interpretations of the phrase “Time Flies Like An Arrow"

  • We do this with EVERYTHING in our lives.

    • What work we should do

    • How to deal with customers

    • How to be successful

  • It’s REALLY HARD to break through these mental schemas without a lot of hard mental effort

  • The mechanics of how we get trapped in mental schemas - your subconscious does most of the processing and heavy lifting

  • Changing your thinking patterns is as hard as changing traffic flow on the freeway

  • You have more breakthrough moments when your brain is under one of these conditions:

    • Being idle, relaxing down time

    • Being internally focused (not listening or seeing)

    • Slightly positive (vs slightly anxious)

    • Deanimating current mental networks

  • The unconscious brain is trillions of times more powerful than the conscious brain

  • Mental schemas (aka chunks) are very useful for analyzing the world - but they lock you into certain patterns of thought

  • “Language gives you the ability to alter your experience."

  • The more language you have for your own brain the more you can notice what is going on. Language connects the prefrontal cortex to the rest of the brain.

  • When you have more language - whether food, music, the brain, anything - you have a much richer experience, you notice the small subtle details. It’s the same with your brain. You have more “frames” to view the problem or situation.

  • How do you generate more creative insights?

    • Don’t check your phone or emails first thing in the morning.

    • Keep your brain quiet

    • Do creative work first in the morning, then urgent and important work second, and emails and everything else third.

    • Don’t schedule meetings until after 11 or 12pm, let people be productive in the morning

    • Pay attention to and value the quiet signals in your brain

  • “10% of people do their best thinking at work, 90% of people do their best thinking when they aren’t at work"

  • Sleep with your phone in a different room.

  • If you can even get one day a week of spending your mornings doing contemplative routine, your creative output will explode.

  • Monday morning is the best time for quiet reflection, because you have the least noise from the week.

  • After exercise or a nap, or after something fun and restful - when you have energy, when you have the urge to write or create - pay attention to those phenomena and try to tap into them when you get a chance.

  • How do you do a better job paying attention to your mental state and your thoughts?

  • There is ENORMOUS value in learning socially and learning with other people. “Hundreds of percentage” bump in the likelihood of real change.

  • The number one reason that people change is because other people change. This comes from hard scientific data, it’s not theoretical.

  • Letting people know that other people are doing something is much more valuable than logic, positive motivations, and negative motivations.

  • When other people who are like you do something, that becomes a really big driver of change in your behavior. This is because the brain is wired to think socially before anything else.

  • The default mode network is pretty much always on - and it focuses socially and thinks about how you fit in socially.

  • Social factors are a huge motivation driver - social rewards and social threats are huge drivers of human behavior. The strongest carrots and sticks are SOCIAL.

  • Status - people want to look good, people don’t want to look bad.

  • The “SCARF” Model for understanding human behavior, threat response, and how people behave.

    • Status

    • Certainty

    • Autonomy

    • Relatedness

    • Fairness

  • The brain classifies everything into either danger or opportunity, but it’s a continuum but not binary.

  • Managing your “threat state” is one of the most important things you can do.

  • Threat is inversely proportional to cognition. The more intense your threat response, the fewer cognitive resources you have for good, clear thinking.

  • “Help people think better, don’t tell them what to do"

  • Coaching is helping people have their own insights. Conversations where you help anyone have an insight is far more likely to create change.

  • The fastest way to get anyone to have a breakthrough insight

    • Quiet their mind

    • Get them more approach/positivity/possibility focused

    • Lift their thinking to more abstract (get out of the concrete)

    • Ask people questions that make them reflect and quietly evaluate and look into their thinking

    • Good question: “What’s your goal?” Start at the high level.

    • Don’t dig into the problem or the details

    • Get people to “think about their thinking"

    • Asking questions that get people to be REFLECTIVE

    • You are helping someone else build a mental map of what they want and what they are doing so that they can take action on it.

  • Advice is almost always MUCH more about the giver than about what you actually need.

  • How do you actually turn your insights into action?

  • Harness the positive social pressures of learning with other people. The social pressure of learning something together, in little bites, at a time. It helps constantly remind you of the importance of those learning and insights.

  • What big changes have happened in the psychology and science of insights, motivation, and behavior change in the last 10 years?

  • The epidemic of overwhelm has taken on an exponentially new dimension.

  • How do we create organizational change at any scale?

    • Make things a priority

    • Build real habits

    • Install systems that support those habits

  • Most organizations are pretty good at making priorities, OK on systems, and terrible at the habits.

  • 30% of change initiatives succeed, because they ignore habits and human psychology

  • HOMEWORK: Start building language, one habit at a time, find something you’re curious about or want to work on around improving your brain, and learn socially with others.

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This week's episode of The Science of Success is presented by Dr. Aziz Gazipura's Confidence University!

You can learn to confidently connect with others, be bold, feel proud of who you are, and create the life you truly deserve!

What Would Your Life Look Like If You Have Double The Confidence?

Don't Wait and Wonder! Find Out Today!

Want To Dig In More?! - Here’s The Show Notes, Links, & Research

General

  • David’s Website

  • NeuroLeadership Website and Wiki Page

  • David’s LinkedIn and Twitter

Media

  • Harvard Business Review - “4 Steps to Having More “Aha” Moments” by David Rock and Josh Davis

  • Harvard Business Review - “Where to Look for Insight“

  • Article Directory on Fortune, HuffPost, Quartz, HBR, Business Insider, Psychology Today, and Strategy+Business

  • CEOThinkTank - “4 CRITICAL FACTORS TO BE A BETTER LEADER (TED TALK #7)” by Cheryl Beth Kuchler

  • Workhuman - “Understanding Leadership through Biology: Interview with Dr. David Rock” by Emily Payne

    • Workhuman - “Dr. David Rock: Time to Get Feedback Right” By Aaron Kinne

  • Mindtools - David Rock's SCARF Model: Using Neuroscience to Work Effectively With Others

  • The Healthy Mind Platter - Dr. Dan Siegel in Collaboration with Dr. David Rock

  • [Podcast] Creating Wealth w/ Jason Hartman: CW 250: Your Brain At Work with Dr. David Rock Author and Co-Founder of the Neuro Leadership Institute

  • [Podcast] The EVRYMAN Podcast: Episode 031: Neurobiology of Emotion with Dr. David Rock

  • [Podcast] Love your Work: Creative Optimization Through Neuroscience: Dr. David Rock – Love Your Work, Episode 165

Videos

  • Human Capital Institute: David’s Conference Keynotes

  • David’s YouTube Channel

    • David Rock on the SCARF Model

    • David Rock on his book Quiet Leadership

  • GoogleTechTalks - Your Brain at Work

  • Resultscoaching - SCARF Model - Influencing Others with Dr David Rock

    • Sample Coaching Session with David Rock

  • TEDTalks - Learning about the brain changes everything: David Rock at TEDxTokyo

    • TEDxBlue - David Rock - 10/18/09

  • Beyond Performance - SCARF Animation

  • Productivity Game - YOUR BRAIN AT WORK by David Rock | Animated Core Message

Books

  • Your Brain at Work: Strategies for Overcoming Distraction, Regaining Focus, and Working Smarter All Day Long  by David Rock

  • Quiet Leadership: Six Steps to Transforming Performance at Work by David Rock

  • Coaching with the Brain in Mind: Foundations for Practice  by David Rock and Linda J. Page

  • Personal Best:Step-by-Step coaching for creating the life you want 2nd Ed by David Rock

Misc

  • Colorado State University - Department of Psychology Labs Directory

  • Colorado State University - INSTITUTE FOR THE BUILT ENVIRONMENT

  • Colorado State University - Department of Sociology Research Centers Guide

Episode Transcript

[00:00:04.4] ANNOUNCER: Welcome to The Science of Success. Introducing your host, Matt Bodnar.

[0:00:11.8] MB: Welcome to the Science of Success; the number one evidence-based growth podcast on the internet with more than four million downloads and listeners in over a hundred countries.

In this interview, we discuss how to finally break through what’s holding you back, take action and create lasting habit and behavior change. Less than 30% of people succeed in changing their behavior without using the tools and strategies we share in this interview. Uncover the neuroscience of how your brain gets stuck and finally start using strategies that really work to create more breakthroughs and results in your life with our guest, Dr. David Rock.

Are you a fan of the show and have you been enjoying the content that we put together for you? If you have, I would love it if you signed up for our e-mail list. We have some amazing content on there, along with a really great free course that we put a ton of time into called How To Create Time for What Matters Most In Your Life.

If that sounds exciting and interesting and you want a bunch of other free goodies and giveaways along with that, just go to successpodcast.com. You can sign up right on the homepage. That’s successpodcast.com. Or if you’re on your phone right now, all you have to do is text the word “smarter”, that’s S-M-A-R-T-E-R to the number 44-222.

In our previous interview, we discussed why creativity is the new literacy and how you can unlock your own creative genius to create the life you want to live. Most people are completely wrong about what they think creativity is and how to be more creative. We dispelled the myths about creative work and showed you how to build your creative muscle, so that you can create breakthroughs, find your calling and live your dream life with our previous guest, Chase Jarvis. If you want to unlock incredible creative energy in your life, listen to our previous episode.

Now, for our interview with David.

[0:02:07.2] MB: Today, we have another exciting guest on the show, Dr. David Rock. David coined the term Neuroleadership and is the Director of the NeuroLeadership Institute. He co-edits the NeuroLeadership Journal and heads up an annual global summit. He's the author of the best-selling Your Brain at Work, Quiet Leadership and the textbook, Coaching with the Brain in Mind. He's been featured in the Harvard Business Review, Fortune Magazine, Psychology Today and many more publications.

David, welcome to the Science of Success.

[0:02:35.4] DR: Thanks very much, Matt. Good to be here.

[0:02:36.9] MB: Well, we're super excited to have you on the show and I can't wait to dig into some of these ideas. To start out, I'd love to just start with the premise of Your Brain at Work, which is this notion of what happens when we get stuck and how do we break through?

[0:02:52.1] DR: Yeah, it's such an interesting question. What's so fascinating, one of the many fascinating things about the brain is how easily we get stuck. As a breakfast this morning with a friend and I ordered an avocado toast and my friend said, “Oh, can I have an avocado toast without the bread?” The waiter said, “Mm. I'll get you two sides. I'll get you some side of avocado and I'll get an egg.” He said, “No, I just want the avocado toast without the toast.” He said, “No, no, no. I can't do that.”

He brought out mine, which was lovely and it had salad and your dressing and some nice stuff on the avocado and some nuts and a bit of toast and an egg. He brought out literally a poached egg and a piece of avocado for this guy. What happened is the chunks in this waiter’s brain is either/or. The brain collapses on look, it's either avocado toast, or it's something else completely. He couldn't just imagine like, “Oh, maybe we could just literally take the toast out and do everything else and put it on a plate.” It would have been much, much nicer, but it would have required breaking out of the way that information is being chunked.

It's amazing, the smallest challenges like this become really big for the brain. Just breaking out of the tiniest ways that you've chunked things is really, really hard. One of my favorite little games is I'll do this with you now, Matt. Like the phrase ‘time flies like an arrow’, right? Five words, time flies like an arrow, five words. Time flies like an arrow. You think about all the different ways you could interpret that, what have you got, Matt? Now I'm interviewing you.

[0:04:26.7] MB: Okay. I mean, I the first thing I see is a visual of an arrow flying through the air.

[0:04:32.5] DR: Right. What’s a different way of interpreting those five words? What's another way of saying time flies like an arrow? Get really creative on me.

[0:04:40.5] MB: I don't even understand the goal of the exercise, so I’m befuddled, but I'll –

[0:04:44.7] DR: I’ll give you an example. It’s basically different versions of the metaphor like, “Oh, time can kill you, or time is –”

[0:04:51.0] MB: Oh. Ooh. Okay.

[0:04:52.6] DR: Time goes in one direction. These are all call different ways of seeing this, right? Time only goes one way, time goes quickly, time moves through space. Do you know what I mean? Time flies like an arrow. What's interesting is that when you give this to people, they come up with hundreds of different interpretations like this, but none of them are actually creative. You're still locked into exactly what you told me, Matt, that your brain did. What your brain did was picture an image of an arrow moving through space, correct?

[0:05:22.3] MB: Yup.

[0:05:22.9] DR: Okay, that's the problem. What you did is you locked into a schema, it's called, of this is about an arrow. The fact that you saw it is bad in a way, because it means you've got a – you activate a really robust network in your brain. Basically what you're going to do is come up with a hundred versions of different things that it means for an arrow to move through space.

Actually, there's completely different interpretations of those five words that your brain completely misses, because you're locked into that one. Time flies like an arrow, actually you could check the speed of flies the way you would an arrow. Time, insects, check the speed of insects the way you would time in arrow. Time flies.

[0:06:04.1] MB: Oh, you just blew my mind.

[0:06:05.5] DR: Right? Like an arrow, right? What the heck? You can't imagine that, because your brain is so lucky. Now this is just five words, right? Oh, here's my favorite one, there's actually five of these. I won't completely explode your brain, but my favorite one is time flies, a type of insect, are fond of arrows. Time flies like an arrow.

Now you wouldn't imagine – your brain doesn't imagine that that's all that important and it discards that interpretation. In the back of your brain, in your unconscious, it goes through all these possible interpretations, very quickly lands on one.

This example basically is an example of how we chunk into the most standard common schema and then we get fixed in that. We do this with everything. Five words, what work we should do? How to deliver to a customer? How this product works? Everything. It really hurts your brain to break out of it, in a way. That's a metaphor, but it's hard. Most people can't do it without a lot of effort.

The mechanics of this and I've looked into this a lot, essentially, your unconscious brain does a lot of reorganizing much more powerful than your conscious brain can. You can't move around three variables, or four variables in your conscious brain easily at all. Even four words, it's really – seven letter anagrams. If you give people seven letters, they can't find the word very easily at all. It's really challenging finding all possible words out of seven letters, if you play Scrabble, or these kinds of things. It's just hard to move things around in your head, right?

What happens is we get stuck all the time, but your unconscious is very good at this. Unfortunately, the unconscious is actually inhibited by the cloudship. When you’re stuck thinking about an arrow moving through space, you can't actually interpret the other ways. You actually have to turn off the solutions you currently have to have new ones come in. It's a bit like moving, like changing traffic on the freeway. You've got to actually stop the traffic going one way before the traffic can go a different way, right? You're going to change the flow of in-direction of traffic.

It's like that in the brain. While everything's connected one way thinking about arrows moving through space, you can't think about insects liking arrows. You can't do both. Part of it is just putting the brain in idle. What we see in lots of studies and I wrote about this in Your Brain at Work, is that that essentially, you have more of these breakthrough moments, cycle moments of insight when your brain overall is quiet.

There are four conditions that facilitate this. One is just literally not doing much thinking, or speaking and just your brain being idle. When you wake up in the morning and you just – you don’t actually think about anything, where you’re just laying there. Quite internally focused is really helpful. When you basically stop listening or seeing, your whole brain gets quieter, because you're not processing all this incoming data.

The third thing is when you're slightly positive, you have a lot less noise in your brain than when you're slightly anxious. What's the opportunity here, versus what's the problem here? The fourth one is the one I just described, which is not directly thinking about the problem the way you have so far. De-animating your current networks. These four conditions, when you activate this, you get a dramatically more insight.

We tend to have these moments of insight in the morning, because our brain is naturally quieter, when we’re walking, exercising, all these kinds of things. The unconscious brain is trillions and trillions of times more powerful than a conscious brain. A bottom line is you want to leave space for these breakthrough. That's the big takeaway. It's really hard to just shift simple things. We get stuck in patterns very easily. What we've got to do is let the unconscious move the stuff around and be able to have it come into our conscious brain, which is quite noisy.

The unconscious solutions are quiet, small amounts of electrical activity. Conscious solutions are noisy and we just don't hear the solutions until our brain gets quiet. It's like hearing a quiet cellphone at a loud party. We've got to turn the noise down. That's the deeper stories. There’s a lot more on that I write about in Your Brain at Work. I think that I've written a blog a couple of times and have a business review and other places. If you look up the aha moment, or how to have more insights, you'll see some of my writing on this space as well. Yeah, back to you.

[0:10:10.0] MB: Yeah, that was fascinating. There's a number of things I want to unpack from that. The example is so good, because it really makes it very concrete. Then expanding that idea out that it's so easy to get trapped into these mental schemas, or these patterns of thought. You made a great point a minute ago where you said, this happens with everything; it happens with the way you work, it happens with how you think about achieving your goals, it happens with how you think about success. It's such a dangerous phenomenon and one that happens almost without us even being consciously aware of the fact that we're locked into these patterns.

[0:10:45.8] DR: Yeah. No, it's fascinating. We do with everything. It's efficient. It helps us be efficient. If you had to categorize everything as you went, you'd be like a baby. You don't have schemas that you can build around. You need these chunks, these schemas to be able to move through the world. Every time you cross the road, you can't work out what these moving objects are, whether they're dangerous or not. You got to know that they're cars and you should stay out of their way. We've only got so much conscious processing power. We need to push these chunks into the unconscious to survive, but then they work against us when we're trying to innovate basically.

[0:11:21.0] MB: Let's unpack that in more detail, this idea of how we start to first become aware of these schemas that are impeding our thinking and then how do we start to cultivate, or create breakthrough moments in our lives.

[0:11:36.5] DR: Yeah. I mean, look, the first thing is language. The more language you have for your own brain, the more you can notice what's going on. Language connects the prefrontal to the rest of the brain. When you have words for an experience, you see that experience. If you have words for flavors, for example – if you have no words for flavors, you don't even know what salt is, what pepper is, what sugar is, you don't know what sweet is, what sour is, all that. You're eating, it's just all noise. As you develop language, you go, “Oh, that’s salt.” Now you spot it, right? “Oh, I like saltier things. I'm going to have more salt.” Well, that's too salty, right? Or, “I like pepper. I want more pepper.”

You don't know what pepper is without language. It doesn't jump out of the background. Then real foodies will have not just salt and pepper and spice, they'll have lots and lots of language, right? For crunch and texture and tastes and sparklings, all sorts of things, right? The same in any domain; music, right? If you're a musician, you understand attack and decay, which is the build up to a note and the dropdown after a note, hitting. You have all this other language, so you'll be literally noticing data strings other people don't notice when you have language, right? A foodie, or a musician has literally a richer experience when they interact with their mental drug of choice.

The more you know about your brain the same way, the more you actually can say, “Oh, I want to turn that up. I want to turn that down. Oh, I like that. I don't like that. Oh, I can see that coming. I might not put so much of that on.” A lot of it is about just building language.

That's what I attempted to do with your brain at work is just develop a language that's very, very science-based obviously, but actually I put equal weight on making sure it's sticky, that people could remember it. I put a lot of work into simplifying the complex stuff, so that people could actually recall it. Because one of the big things that you need to remember about the brain is how limited our recall is and working memory and stuff like that. That's the answer to your first question.

In terms of insight, I mean, some tactical things, you just keep your brain quiet in the mornings especially. Don't check your e-mails till after you shower. That's an amazing rule. They get up in the morning, potter around, don't check your e-mails, don't check in with your phone at all. Interesting thing with the phone is that makes your brain noisy, even if it's off but in the room. Your brain still notices it and starts to animate in the background all the networks involved with what you could be using and seeing, right? It primes you.

It's actually going to be off and in a completely different room for your phone not to affect your IQ, like your IQ. A lot of that is because of the noise it creates. It literally makes your brain more asynchronous. What we've got to do is have these quieter moments if we want these breakthrough. A simple rule of thumb is do creative work first in the morning, urgent and important work second and e-mails everything else third. It's super helpful.

Firstly, don't look at your – any devices until after a shower, preferably after breakfast. That's your best time for insight is in the morning. We did a study some years back, but 10% of people do their best thinking at work. 90% of people do their best thinking when they're not at work. Most of us do our best thinking in the morning. Certainly there are night owls, but generally we do our best thinking. We have most insights in the morning.

If you run an organization, if you run a team, it's don't schedule meetings till after 11 or 12. Let people use the morning time to really be productive. Then just pay attention to quiet signals, these insights are quiet signals, so like a tickle, like a hunch. Pay attention to these things, value them and see what's there. Follow the money, the money this case being a hunch. It's often, your unconscious brain trying to give you a clue as to something.

[0:15:22.3] MB: I love that statistic, only 10% of people do their best thinking while they're at work.

[0:15:26.5] DR: Yeah. Mad, right?

[0:15:27.7] MB: It's pretty crazy. The whole idea of even the simple idea of keeping your phone in a different room is such a great strategy. I've been thinking for a long time about sleeping with my phone at a different room. I think this is actually going to give me the nudge and push me over the edge to actually do that.

[0:15:44.8] DR: I just started doing that actually. It's a couple of weeks ago. I'm really enjoying it. What was missing for me was the alarm clock and the time and stuff like that. Actually, what I did was put an actual clock, an alarm clock where the time is always clear in the room. I could always look over and see the time without having to do anything. That actually was better than a phone, because the phone you wake up, you press the button, you get light, you get all sorts of – actually, if I need to know what the time is, like if I wake up too early or middle the night, this is actually better. There was an upside I wasn't expecting that was not obvious to changing it. Also, there's the there's the reduced noise, which is great.

[0:16:23.3] MB: I also think the whole notion of gearing your mornings towards having creative and contemplative routines and activities is such a great strategy. That's something I've been using for years. The notion of – I really like the hierarchy you gave it. Do create a work first, then urgent and important work and then only after you finish those things, then you get into e-mail and meetings and everything else.

[0:16:46.5] DR: Yeah, it's super helpful. Now some people can't do that every day, of course. Lots of people can't do that every day, but most of us could do that at least one day a week. I can tell you, if you do that one day a week, after a couple of months, your creative output will explode. If you normally write one or two blogs a month, you'll find yourself writing five or six blogs a month. It's huge, even if you could just choose one day a week.

There's also a time in the week there. Monday morning, we do have best quiet writing, right? Tuesday morning, we're pretty good. By Wednesday, a bit noisy. Sometimes we get a second window on Friday, thinking the weekend is coming. Choosing the day when you can do this, if it's not realistic to do it every day, but you could weave it in as a discipline like, “Hey, every Monday I'm going to do this.” Huge difference. Over the year, you'll find a huge, huge impact on your productivity.

The other thing that you can do, I find this is after exercise or a nap, or just something like fun and restful, I often find about a lot of mental energy. I'm paying attention to when I have the urge to write, like when I've got ideas and I can – my fingers are itchy. I'm like, “Okay. I mean, I'm going to sit down and shut everything off. Turn off my phone and everything and just sit down and write.” I try to pay attention to that.

When I was working on Your Brain at Work and other books, I would intentionally write, write, write and then just go and do some exercise and stop thinking. By the time I finished exercising I'd be wanting to write again. I burned myself out before exercising. Then I'd get back to actually wanting to. It's a little bit of that.

I used to fly a lot around the world. I’m originally Australian. Used to fly a lot from Sydney to New York and use the time. What I learned is I could write for an hour two and a half and then watch 15 minutes of comedy. It had to be comedy, because if it was a scary movie, it raises your cortisol and your threat response, which is bad for writing. What you want is more dopamine, which is more pleasant, hopeful, optimistic, open mind. I could do an hour and a half of writing, 15 minutes of comedy, hour and a half of writing, 15 minutes – I could write for 10 hours doing that. A long flight, right?

There's this thing about just watching what your brain does and what does it take to get your brain back into the state where you're actually doing good work again? Pay attention to that. It'll be different for everyone. There'll be different activities that do that, but try to do a lot of those.

[0:19:01.1] MB: Great strategy. A really important point which you mentioned just now about paying attention to when those moments of insight or creative energy strike, and you also said the same thing earlier when you're talking about how do we discover the times when our mental schema are blocking our ability to be creative, or have breakthrough insights. It all comes back to this idea of understanding of paying attention to what's happening with your thoughts. How do we start to develop that ability to pay attention to be aware of what's happening in our brains?

[0:19:32.4] DR: I mean, the simplest answer to be honest is get my book, get a few people together, read a chapter a week together and talk about it. That'll do it. I mean, I literally laid out the key language you most want. Not everything, but the key language you most want to understand, if you're trying to have a better life.

The book walks through basically working memory, which is just how you solve decisions and solve problems and make decisions, then works through managing your emotions and then works through interacting with other people and then just how to change yourself and others. It builds the language.

What I would say is read a chapter a week, or every two weeks, or even every month with a few people and commit to each other to play with it and come back together and share what you learned. That's the very best way to do it, because I mean, I literally built the book for that task. Especially, one of our insights at my institute, we’re researching all the time how do you create change at scale? One of our big insights is there's enormous, enormous value in learning socially, like learning with others. It's not you get a little bump, like a 10%, 50%, a 100%, but it would be hundreds of percent bump in the likelihood of real change.

In fact, the number one variable for why people change turns out to be because other people are. Build the language, but build the language with others ideally and share the language. It's an alive language. There are obscure languages that no one speaks anymore. There’s thousands of languages humans speak, a bunch of them no one speaks. This is a language that should be spoken. As you do that, you see more and more, you start to notice things faster and faster.

[0:21:11.0] MB: Hey, I'm here real quick with confidence expert Dr. Aziz Gazipura to share a lightning round insight with you. Dr. Aziz, how do you become more confident and what do people get wrong about confidence?

[0:21:25.0] AG: I love this question. My life mission is to inform people this one thing, that you can learn confidence. Because the biggest thing that people don't realize is that confidence is a skill. They think confidence is something that you're just born with, that the people that look confident just somehow have some ability that you don't have. That's what I thought for many years, until I discovered that actually, this is something we can learn.

What most people get wrong about this other than thinking that they can't, so they don't even try, is they think it's going to be this huge undertaking and it's scary and they try to just push through and do this thing that I hate the phrase, but it's so common, which is fake it till you make it.

What they don't realize is that there's a much easier way, a simpler way and ultimately a faster way, a gentler way. That is to treat it like any other skill, like the guitar. You want to learn how to play the guitar, you want to break it down into its individual elements, like notes, chords, progression, scales. If you learn each individual thing, all of a sudden you could play a beautiful song.

Confidence is absolutely no different than that. You can break confidence down into its little individual elements, like body language, starting a conversation, how to be assertive, all these things can be broken down in sub-skills. If you just learn those sub-skills one after another, take action on what you learn and practice it just like an instrument, all of a sudden in a pattern, in a period of months, you can be stuck for decades, but in a period of months, you can have more confidence than you've ever had in your entire life.

That's what I'm dedicated to doing. That's what I teach. That's what I create all my programs around and that's really the message that I want to get out there to everyone listening and everyone in the world.

[0:23:01.8] MB: Do you want to be more confident and stop suffering from social anxiety and self-doubt? Check out successpodcast.com/confidence to hear more about Dr. Aziz and his work and become more confident.

[0:23:15.9] MB: I want to come back and unpack a couple of the other themes from how we create insight. Before we do that, you just mentioned something that I think is worth exploring, which is this notion, tell me more about this idea that the number one reason people change is because other people change.

[0:23:31.4] DR: Yeah, it's interesting. Now that this comes from the hard data. This is not theoretical. This is not a direct research. It's from Colorado State University. There's a fantastic department there that – it's a center that's studying sustainability and human change and this stuff that's obviously really important at the moment.

They've been looking at this through lots of lenses, like you're trying to get people to do different things, like put a towel on the bed in a hotel, or – that's the wrong metaphor. It's put the towel in the bath, if you don't want to use it, or put it on the rack if you want to reuse it. Getting people to do that, or getting people to flush the right way with they've got two optional flashes. Now these behavioral things.

Because they're simple, repetitive behavioral things that everyone does, you can collect tons of data and really see what humans actually do. What they find, particularly these kinds of behavioral changes is letting people know that other people are doing this, is much more valuable than giving people some negative motivation, or positive motivation, or – so incentive or threat basically, or anything else that you can do basically.

It's like saying, “Oh, yeah. Other people have been doing this.” 70% of people have been doing this in the hotel, gets a good bump, but 70% of people in this room who have been doing this really gets the highest change. Letting people know that others that are quite close to them in a sense, like socially close, in your network, really does it. That seems to be a really big driver of change.

I think, we correlate that back to the social brain. The brain is wired to think socially before everything else. There's a network for thinking about you and others and how you will interact in the brain. There’s a network for basically animating you. If you're thinking about yourself, a network in the brain animates and it includes all your memories and hopes and all these stuff, right? There's a network for animating other humans. It turns out to be the same network, by the way. Animating you, animating others in the brain, activating this networks, actually the same network.

It turns out, this network is actually on so much, it's – they called it the default network, because it's basically always on, until you switch it off to do a math task, or schedule meeting, or whatever else. This is the background hum of the brain, literally thinking socially. It’s the medial prefrontal cortex, which is the middle of the farad in the brain. It's quite a small network in more ways that’s deeply connected and all this stuff.

Anyway, I digress, but we think social things are so important and social threats are really strong. They feel very salient. Social rewards feel really, really salient as well. In fact, there's lots of studies showing that the strongest threats and rewards, the carrot and stick, are social. The social ones are much more than non-social. That's really what's driving it is people don't want to look bad and they want to look good.

They’re minimizing threat and maximizing reward. Doing that as it relates to status, the sense of status, doing it as it relates to feeling like they're part of an in-group, doing it as it relates to a sense of fairness. These are driving their intrinsic motivations. That's the way we understand it. Other people will explain it differently for sure, but that's how we think about it.

[0:26:47.5] MB: I'm curious, I want you to explore the full SCARF model, which you just touched on a second ago and extrapolate on that idea. Anyway, unpack the notion of the SCARF model, which you touched on some of the components of that and how that interacts with this.

[0:27:01.3] DR: Yeah, for sure. Going back to the point that language gives you an ability to add more, or less salt. In this case, more or less insight, right? Or more or less – language gives you the ability to alter your experience, right? Then one of the biggest things people need to manage in their brain is the level of threat that we experience and other people experience. By threat, I mean, the sense of danger, right?

The brain basically classifies everything into danger or opportunity. Every podcast title that we see, we have a reaction like, “Oh, that's a danger. I shouldn't listen to that. It's going to mess my head.” Well, that's an opportunity. It's a continuum, not binary. There'll be some podcast titles you'll see and be like, “Wow, that's really exciting. I've got to listen to that right now.” Some would be like, “I am never going to listen to that.” Everything's categorized, not just podcast titles, but literally every unit of sound we hear, we have this threat or reward response.

What I wanted to do and I was working on Your Brain at Work 15 years ago. I started working on it. When I was working on it I was like, gosh, managing a threat state is the most important thing for so many people, because basically, threat is inversely proportional to cognition. In other words, the stronger your – particularly, the negative response, the threat response, which is stronger than the positive reward response, but that negative threat response, essentially the stronger it is, the fewer resources you have for good, clear thinking. That's what goes on.

That's what's driving so much dysfunction and unhappiness and everything in the world. I just realized, we needed a language to notice these threats, especially notice them coming. What's the salt and pepper and chili and sour and sweet of emotions, basically. Not everything, but what's the basics that people need to be added, or recognize if they want to intervene?

I was interviewing all these neuroscientist for the book and I started to see a pattern. The first pattern I saw was they're all social. Social was off the charts, more powerful than non-social. Then I kept hearing scientists to say the same thing like, “Wow, we were doing this study and looking at what happened when people had a – ” like the ultimatum game, when they're competing for money.

What we found so surprising was a sense of fairness was even more activating of the reward network than money, or chocolate, or other things, like independent of other variables. Fairness on its own, it was activating the reward network. They were really surprised. Then unfairness was activating the pain network, very similar to physical pain and they're surprised. Anyway, lots and lots and lots of these studies, and what I realized there was some hidden pattern that no one else seen yet that described the biggest, social emotions that were happening.

It took me about three years to find it. Played with a couple different models. In the end, I landed on five ideas, summarized by one word. These five ideas are essentially the five things that create strongest threats and the strongest rewards. They're actually driving human behavior all the time. It's really the – in many ways, it's the neuroscience of motivation, of engagement, of why people do what they do, of the carrot and stick, of so many different things. It's actually a very powerful framework.

Anyways, it spells out SCARF, which stands for status, certainty, autonomy, relatedness and fairness. Status is literally you compare to others, or you compare to yourself in the past, feeling a little bit better than is very rewarding. Feeling a little bit less than is much stronger on the threat side. The threat is always worse. Certainty is ability to predict, that's why we're addicted to these phones. They give us an increase in certainty and so many domains. Autonomy is a feeling of control, or choice. Relatedness is feeling you have shared goals with other people, you're in the same group. Fairness is equity and fairness.

Basically, these are playing out all the time. In situations, we have really strong threats. You generally have four or five of these under attack. If you feel someone's saying that you did the wrong thing and you don't understand it and you have no control and you used to trust them and it's unfair, then you've hit all five and you'll be really upset, until you find a way to maybe find control, or until you find a way to understand it and increase certainty, or until you find a way to see how it is fair, or something else.

Until you find a way to increase one of the domains, it will send you a little nutty. That's going on the back of our mind. We teach this to organizations. SCARF is many of the big tech firms, more than half a big pharma. Many other firms are learning this language and applying it many, many different domains. We're more focused on the organizational context within individuals, although at one point, we may build something for individuals. We've helped over a million managers in the last year be better through understanding this language across the globe.

[0:31:50.3] MB: So fascinating. I love this whole field of research and endeavor. It's really, really interesting. In some ways, bringing in the social element makes me come back to one of my favorite themes or ideas from the book, which was this notion of how do we also – we talked earlier about how we can create breakthrough insights for ourselves. How do we help create breakthrough insights for other people? I think one of the tag lines of the book was help people think better, don't tell them what to do. Tell me a little bit about that.

[0:32:20.7] DR: Yeah. That's quiet leadership, which is the one just before Your Brain at Work. Quiet leadership was a summary of the way we think about coaching people, which is really the generation of insight. For us, coaching is about facilitating having insight. Coaching without insight is advice and rapport and empathy and other things, but doesn't really create change.

What we found is that coaching conversations with insight are dramatically more likely to create real change. You think of insight as just a moment where your brain really changes in a way that releases a lot of energy, you see things differently. What we did for a long time is essentially unpack what's the fastest way to bring people to insight, bring other people to insight. The cliff notes on that is of course, you want to make their brain quiet. It's a little more than that. You want to lift them up to where they're going, not to the problem. You've got to help people be more approach-focused, or positive-focused, or positively focused.

Again, that increases the chance of insight. That's one of the principles, be positive-oriented. You want to lift their thinking up to more abstract than concrete stuff, because concrete's quite noisy, abstract is quiet. You want to ask people questions that essentially make them reflect. Ask questions that have people quietly look inside their thinking. That's the summary. There’s a lot more to it.

If someone says to me, “Hey, I'm really stuck on this project.” I'll say, “What's your goal?” They'll be like, “Oh, I don't know. I don't know what my goal is. I'm just stuck. Let me think about my goal.” They'll reflect for a minute and they'll come back and say, “Oh, I guess I need to build this relationship better.” Suddenly, they're on the right path. I'm like, “Oh, is there a model for how good you want this relationship to be? Is there a relationship with someone else that is the quality you want?” They're like, “Wow, that's a really interesting question. I never thought about that. Let me think about it.” Then suddenly, they'll have an insight, right?

Asking questions that make people reflect is the heart of it. Not digging into the problem. It’s so tempting to dig into the problem, or dig into the details. What you want to do is get people to think about their thinking. Don't dig into the problem, don't dig into details, get people to think about their thinking. That's the big messaging in quiet leadership and the way to generate insight in others most powerfully.

[0:34:29.3] MB: The idea of, and this is a tool that I've sometimes heard called are called Socratic influencing. The suggestion of asking people questions to make them start to reflect and think about their own – think about where they are, think about their own thinking as you put it is so powerful. It's almost inception, where you plant the idea in somebody's head and then they realize it themselves, as opposed to you trying to convince them.

[0:34:54.0] DR: Yeah. Yeah, for sure. It's also, we need to build a mental map of something to act on it. Anything, we're going to take act action on, we've got to see it in some way and to be committed to it. You've got your map of how exciting an idea is, but they need their own map.

I took a photo years ago when I was visiting New York for living here with two guys in Central Park with a sign up and a couple of chairs. It said, “Free advice.” It's a really funny picture. We all want to give free advice people. Come to us with problems and we just got to give free advice.

That advice invariably is much more about the giver than about the person and what they really need. Someone tells you their problem and you just map onto what your brain would do, given your history and motivations and everything else, because it's a real crapshoot, whereas, insights are often very personal and very unpredictable. What we actually need to do is very hard to just guess at. The individual brain needs to solve it much more.

[0:35:53.4] MB: Touching on this idea of turning insights into action, how do we start to actually do that?

[0:36:00.4] DR: Yeah, it's interesting. My kids just bought some arugula. I call it roquette. It's actually the correct term, I believe. In Paris, they call it roquette. Here, it’s called arugula. Really is amazing, it's really hardy once it's grown. It grows like crazy, it grows really well. It's fantastic in salads. You can get a little – a square foot of arugula in a garden would give you enough for a salad every day for months. It's great. When it first starts growing, if you've – if you plant seeds, you need to water it every single day. If it dries out, it's just not going to make it.

I think, habits are like this. Whatever that habit is you try to work on it, they’re a lot like seedlings in that they'll take hold. Once they take root and they're dug in a bit, they're great. They'll take hold. The first a few days especially, or the first week or two of a new seedling is like the first time of a new habit, is you've got to water it every day. Now watering in the brain means paying attention. Attention grows connections. How do you grow connections every day? It’s like, set an alarm where you're going to spend one minute making a note about what you noticed about this habit. Set an alarm for that. Ask a person to check in with you. Do something that has you be reminded.

The other thing is that the positive social pressure of learning things with others is very powerful. Go back to do learning with people and it makes you keep paying attention. When we roll out big learning initiatives in organizations, we'll design content that people managers will take their teams through, so that the team can support each other, versus putting people into training. What we find is that the social pressure of learning something together in little bites over time is fantastic. It's huge compared to just going in a classroom one-off. It's really this watering effect of being around people that you learn stuff with every day. You're constantly reminded of what you learned and it provides some real accountability there.

[0:38:03.9] MB: The book came out almost 10 years ago. I know you have a revised edition that's coming out soon. What's changed and what's remained the same?

[0:38:13.0] DR: Yeah, it's really interesting. I was quite anxious going into the revision like, “Oh, my God. I'm going to have to rewrite a ton.” The book’s extremely simple on one level, but simplicity is hard. It took me four years to write it. I threw it out and started completely again four or five times, like started from scratch, because I just wasn't happy with how it was working. It's very hard to do. The book is very simple. It's the story of one day for two characters and there's a take one, where they mess up and then the scientist explain why they messed up. Then take two in each chapter, where you see what they would do if they understood their brain better.

Then as you go in to the next chapter, there's another scene between different people. It's a story across the day; a bit like sliding doors of different scenarios, but with the science explaining it. I was really anxious going into it like, “Oh, my God. I’m going to change science. It's going to unravel all this stuff. It's going to make it impossible.”

What I found was very little on the science side that needed revising. I mean, there's definitely been a couple of things that are interesting tweaks. We know more self-regulation, but a lot of it is inside baseball and the general observable instructions for people are not that much different. Didn't find any huge, enormous things. There’s a lot more studies illustrating the SCARF model, which is in the book, a lot more studies explaining status and autonomy and fairness.

I was able to add studies, but not to the science side. What I did find that was surprising and a bit unsettling is when I wrote the book, it talks about an epic of overwhelm. To be honest, looking back 10 years, pretty much anyone that would read this book now would say, “Oh, my God. I wish that the world that had that level of epidemic,” because where we are now is some next-level stuff. When I wrote it, it was all about e-mails and the fact that BlackBerrys were destroying the brain and all the stuff.

Now we have smartphones where it's not just e-mails, it’s social and it's Instagram, it's obviously accessible movies all the time with Netflix and streaming. It's LinkedIn with constant networking, job searching, it's eBay online with – There's so many things you can do constantly all the time that are much more fun than what you might do in your day job, or everything else. It's a huge distraction and people's brains basically need the book much more than they ever did.

The main changes were the level of chaos that's happening and just, we don't really use BlackBerrys much anymore and just the kinds of issues that people were facing. Yeah, the revised edition just feels much more relevant. What I found in writing, it is the book’s more relevant than it's ever been. That was the cliff note.

[0:40:46.8] MB: I couldn't agree more that today's world, the epidemic of overwhelm has increased exponentially.

[0:40:54.0] DR: Yeah, I know it has.

[0:40:55.9] MB: You touched earlier on this notion of driving change in organizations at any scale. We shared some of those lessons. Are there any other key themes, or ideas that you've learned or come across recently in looking at how do we really create organizational change at all kinds of different levels of granularity?

[0:41:16.3] DR: Yeah, it's a big topic. It's a really, really big topic. I mean, we think there's three kinds of work to do, make things a priority, build real habits and then install systems that support those habits. Most organizations are pretty good at the first step, the P, the priorities. Somewhat okay, like give them a C-grade on a – a B-grade on the priorities, that's maybe a C-grade or B to C on the systems. An F on the habits. They're just terrible at actually giving people tools and processes that actually build habits the way the brain digests habits, or not digest, but the way that the brain – the way that habits get actually built.

Pretty much, we ignore human learning science and brain science when it comes to learning and we just throw stuff at people and hope it sticks. A lot of the work we're doing is about working out the fewest possible habits people need in any domain, putting them off in this two or three, putting them in the right order and then working out how to teach them to everyone all at the same time using all sorts of technologies.

We’re somewhat technology neutral, but we're looking at what is the right stuff for people to be doing and how do we get everyone doing that at the right time? Whether that's around having a growth mindset, which is a lot of what we're doing, or it's around being more inclusive, right? Or it's actually about having more insights.

These are some of the big priorities for companies right now. In any of these domains, what you've got to do is make it important, but then you've got to give people the right habits to work on just a few and you need people working on one at a time, then preferably everyone at one. That's the way we're thinking about it and we were able to get some really exciting results where we can work with 10,000 employees the same month around the world all at the same time and see 75% to 95% of them all now doing something very different every week. This is without training programs. This is some really different thing.

We're really following the science and experimenting with this idea of a few habits one at a time in social situations all at the same time. We're experimenting with ways of doing that and getting some extraordinary results. My day job is heading up the NeuroLeadership Institute and we're scientists at the core there, we're working with 30 of the top 100, but we’re constantly experimenting and learning. It's a fascinating thing.

I will just put a plug in and say we're hiring all around the world, particularly in the US, but anywhere in the US, we’re New York based, but anywhere in the states, but also in Emir and AIPAC and many places. We're hiring folks who love this space, ambitious, really smart. We're about 200 fulltime people now and growing fast. Just throw that out there as well. NeuroLeadership.com is the website. NeuroLeadership.com. Or just look up DavidRock.net and you'll see more about me and you'll see some links there.

Organizational change is broken. 30% of change initiatives out there in the wider world succeed. Most of the reason they don't succeed is a failure to change human habits. We're trying to change that.

[0:44:15.2] MB: Another fascinating statistic that only 30% of organizational change initiatives succeed, because they're not paying attention to psychology and habits. For people who are listening, obviously besides checking out the book and we'll provide another opportunity in a second to share some places where people can find you and all these resources, what would one activity, or a piece of homework be for listeners to start down the path of concretely implementing some, or one of the themes and ideas that we talked about today?

[0:44:44.3] DR: I mean, stop building language. This language should be one habit at a time. I don't want people to think I'm trying to sell you my book. I'm not. I make, I don’t know, 5 cents or something if you buy it. It's not a big deal. A lot of the stuff in my book is actually available in blog form. You can just read and share. I've got a blog at Psychology Today, so just look up David Rock Psychology Today.

What I’d say is look through all the different posts and find something that your brain is really curious about and go and work on that. Again, even if it's one or two other people, talk to people about it, rather than work on your own. Find something you want to work on around improving your brain. There's some other great writers in this space as well, but certainly, I’ve tried to make the language really simple and sticky.

Find something to work on. Maybe it's insight, maybe you just want to work on keeping your brain quiet in the morning. Try that. Track the data. Maybe try it for two weeks and see how many big ideas you have. See how many productive hours you have. Try and track the data much you can of what happens when you do this. Then maybe go back to your old way and see what happens. Track the data.

The insight stuff is great. Certainly, understanding SCARF, learning about SCARF can be super powerful as well in terms of managing your own and other people's mental state.

[0:45:56.0] MB: David, for listeners that want to find you, your work, the book, etc., online, can you share again what is the best place for them to find you?

[0:46:02.2] DR: Yeah, for sure. DavidRock.net is my personal website. It's got, so very stuff I'm involved in. NeuroLeadership.com. N-E-U-R-O, so neuro like brain leadership, one word. NeuroLeadership.com is the organization. There's also a blog called Your Brain at Work. It's in the NeuroLeadership site now, but you just look up Your Brain at Work, you'll find a blog and there's tons and tons and tons of things that we've been writing about in that space. That's a good resource.

I also run a conference each year. It's the world's-leading research conference for practitioners. It's really a roomful of 800 change agents from all walks of life, who want to follow the science of change better. That's in November, the 19th and 20th of November in New York. You can also stream that for free. Some of the biggest sessions. Anywhere in the world, I think we have over 20,000 folks streaming that. 19th and 20th of November in New York City, or free online. It's called the NeuroLeadership Summit. It's where we release new findings about all sorts of important topics around organizations today. Yeah, lots of resources.

Then yeah, my book Your Brain at Work on Amazon, obviously everywhere else. If you're interested in the organization and what we're up to, potential jobs, there's a careers – just look at careers in NeuroLeadership.com and you'll see that there.

[0:47:17.0] MB: Well, David. Thank you so much for coming on the show, for sharing all these insights and all this wisdom with the listeners, some really, really interesting points and ideas and tactics.

[0:47:26.3] DR: Yeah, thanks for the interest. Lots of good ideas here as well as we're speaking. Thanks for the interest in the work. Appreciate it.

[0:47:31.2] MB: Thank you so much for listening to the Science of Success. We created this show to help you our listeners, master evidence-based growth. I love hearing from listeners. If you want to reach out, share your story, or just say hi, shoot me an e-mail. My e-mail is matt@successpodcast.com. That’s M-A-T-T@successpodcast.com. I’d love to hear from you and I read and respond to every single listener e-mail.

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Thanks again, and we'll see you on the next episode of the Science of Success.

September 26, 2019 /Lace Gilger
Focus & Productivity, Influence & Communication
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You’ve Been Sold a Lie About Hard Work. Here’s the Reality with Dr. Morten Hansen

August 29, 2019 by Lace Gilger in Focus & Productivity

In this episode we discuss what creates great performance at work. Uncover how you can do better work in fewer hours. Get rid of wasted meetings with hacks you can use to make your meetings radically more productive, finally remove the things that are distracting you, learn the recipe you need to say no to your boss the right way, and focus on the biggest things that will create the most value in your work. We share all of these lessons and much more with our guest Dr. Morten Hansen.

Dr. Morten Hansen is a management professor at the UC, Berkeley and a faculty member at Apple University. His academic research has won several prestigious awards and he is ranked as one of the world’s most influential management thinkers by Thinkers50. He was also a manager at the Boston Consulting Group, where he advised corporate clients worldwide. He is the author of the best sellingGreat at Work, Great by Choice, and Collaboration.

  • Study of 5000 people, how they work, and their performance.

  • The biggest conclusion… most people work the WRONG way.

  • Most people think working MORE is better.

    • More phone calls. More business trips. More time in the office.

  • The VERY TOP PERFORMERS across PROFESSIONS and INDUSTRIES and AGE GROUPS tend to be those who are really really good at picking the most important priorities, engaging extreme focus, and going all-in on the few things that matter the most.

    • 10-15% of people do this today

    • 60-70% of people are using the wrong strategy.

  • "Given the hours I have, how few things can I really excel in?"

  • Productivity is going down in today’s world, it’s not going up.

  • You have to work hard, but after about 50 hours of work, there are massively diminished returns, and a sharp spike in marginal productivity, beyond 65 hrs per week you start performing less well than someone working 40 hours per week.

  • It’s not about being a slacker.

  • It’s not about cramming more hours into your week, it’s about focusing those hours on the RIGHT THINGS and prioritizing appropriately.

  • Evidence based insights into what it means to be a top performer at work.

  • “What creates great performance at work?"

  • Focus is often misunderstood. “Do less, then obsess."

  • Focus in the workplace means FEWER TASKS and FEWER PRIORITIES.

  • Obsession is the path to great performance. It’s the intensity of your effort. Going all-in. Paying fanatic attention to detail. In that moment, you excel. To excel requires incredible focus, intensity, and preparation. You can only do that when you focus on a FEW things.

  • When you spread yourself thin, everything ends up being mediocre and half baked. The real key is obsession.

  • Lessons from the greatest sushi chef in the world.

  • “What creates great performance?”

  • Many people are not good at saying no

  • “One of the greatest professional skills required to be successful today is the ability to say no."

  • If you don’t say no, then you start doing mediocre work.

  • The recipe you need to say no to your boss.

  • What do you do when your boss fires back “all your projects are important?"

    • “I can’t get them all done in time, which one should I get done first?"

  • How do you think about focus in the context of “portfolio” opportunities? (Investors, real estate agents, and so forth).

  • If the execution of each one of those things depends on YOUR effort, then you should be FOCUSING on that. Whether or not it hinges on your specific effort, that is the key question. Whenever the execution is reliant on you, you have to FOCUS DEEPLY and execute.

  • What’s the difference between passion and purpose?

    • Passion is what excites YOU, what the world gives you.

    • Purpose is what YOU can give the world, it’s a meaningful contribution from YOU.

  • People who have more passion and purpose don’t work more hours, but they get more out of EACH hour they work.

  • How do you find passion and purpose in your work every day?

    • Work passion

    • People Passion

    • Success Passion

    • Creativity passion

  • KEY TACTIC: What are the 3 most valuable things I can do at my job?

    • Value = benefit for others

    • Step two: Pull up your calendar for the last 2-3 weeks.

    • Give a ranking to each item in your calendar:

      • 1 = totally aligned with those priorities

      • 2 = somewhat aligned

      • 3 = not aligned at all

  • Most people spend less than 40% of their time on their top 3 priorities.

  • How do you change and remove things from your calendar that are distracting you?

    • What do you say no to?

    • What do you cut out?

    • How can you carve out more time for your priorities?

  • Routine busywork prevents you from taking the time to actually implement these kinds of contemplative routines.

  • “Tie yourself to the mast” and prevent yourself from falling back into old routines.

  • More than 65% of meetings are ineffective according to research.

  • Are you tired of wasting your time daily in ineffective meetings?

  • Hacks for radically improving the productivity of your meetings:

    • Ignore the calendar default of one hour meetings

    • Try cutting your meeting time in half

    • Try cutting the number of invitees to your meeting in half

    • Ask yourself: Are your meetings about discussion and debate or updates?

    • Use the powerful principle of “fight and unite” - nice is not the objective, it’s to have an argument about ideas and then make a decision. “Disagree and commit."

    • "Consensus is the enemy of good work.” Consensus leads to groupthink.

    • Don’t do “status meetings / update meetings.” Make those into emails.

  • Homework: Do Less, then Obsess. Review your calendar for the next 2 weeks and cut out one or two things. Say no to something or don’t accept the invitation. Free up your time and then dedicate it on the most important thing you need to get done.

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Want To Dig In More?! - Here’s The Show Notes, Links, & Research

General

  • Morten’s Website

  • Morten’s Wiki Page

  • Morten’s LinkedIn, Twitter, and Facebook

Media

  • Forbes - “Five Questions With 'Great At Work' Author Morten Hansen” By David Slocum

  • People Matters - Book Review: Great at Work by Morten Hansen

  • CNBC Make It - 7 ways to boost your success while working less, according to a 5-year study by Ruth Umoh

  • Thrive Global - Morten Hansen Author Directory

  • Google Scholar - Cited Article Directory

  • HBR - “Finding Meaning at Work, Even When Your Job Is Dull” by Morten Hansen and Dacher Keltner

  • [Podcast] Future Forecast - #18 Morten Hansen: Do Less, Then Obsess. How to Work Smarter

  • [Podcast] THE BREGMAN LEADERSHIP PODCAST: Episode 148 Morten Hansen - Great at Work

  • [Podcast] Art of Manliness - Podcast #441: Do Less, Work Better, and Achieve More

  • [Podcast] Coaching for Leaders - 337: Six Tactics for Extraordinary Performance, with Morten Hansen

Videos

  • Documentary - Jiro Dreams of Sushi

  • Morten’s YouTube Channel

    • #AskMorten | Do You Have Advice for Someone Who is Overworked?

    • How to Increase Value & Performance Within Your Organization | Morten Hansen x Daniel Pink

    • How to Increase Performance and Become a Better Leader | Morten Hansen x Dov Seidman

  • NBC News - Dr. Morten Hansen: I Figured Out Why Some People Perform Better Than Others | Better | NBC News

  • Inc Video - 2 Key Daily Practices of Top Performers

  • BigSpeak Speakers Bureau - Morten Hansen - Speaking Reel

Books

  • Great at Work: How Top Performers Do Less, Work Better, and Achieve More  by Morten T. Hansen

  • Great by Choice: Uncertainty, Chaos, and Luck--Why Some Thrive Despite Them All (Good to Great Book 5)  by Jim Collins and Morten T. Hansen

  • Collaboration: How Leaders Avoid the Traps, Build Common Ground, and Reap Big Results by Morten Hansen

Episode Transcript

[00:00:04.4] ANNOUNCER: Welcome to The Science of Success. Introducing your host, Matt Bodnar.

[00:00:11] MB: Welcome to the Science of Success, the number one evidence-based growth podcast on the Internet with more than 4 million downloads, listeners in over a hundred countries.

In this episode, we discuss what creates great performance at work. Uncover how you can do better work in fewer hours. Get rid of wasted meetings with hacks you can use to make your meetings radically more productive. Finally, remove the things that are distracting you. Learn the recipe you need to say no to your boss the right way and focus on the biggest things that will actually create the most value in your work. We share all of these lessons and much more with our guest this week, Dr. Morten Hansen.

I’m going to tell you why you’ve been missing out on some incredibly cool stuff if you haven’t signed up for our email list yet. All you have to do to sign up is to go to successpodcast.com and sign up right on the homepage.

On top of tons subscriber-only content, exclusive access and live Q&As with previous guests, monthly giveaways and much more, I also created an epic free video course just for you. It's called How to Create Time for What Matters Most Even When You're Really Busy. E-mail subscribers have been raving about this guide.

You can get all of that and much more by going to successpodcast.com and signing up right on the homepage, or by texting the word “smarter” to the number 44222 on your phone. If you like what I do on Science of Success, my e-mail list is the number one way to engage with me and go deeper on what I discuss on the show, including free guides, actionable takeaways, exclusive content and much, much more.

Sign up for my e-mail list today by going to successpodcast.com and signing up right on the homepage, or if you're on the go, if you're on your phone right now, it's even easier. Just text the word “smarter”, that's S-M-A-R-T-E-R to the number44222.I can't wait to show you all the exciting things you'll get when you sign up and join thee-mail list.

In our previous episode, we explored the mind-bending science of genetic engineering and why it’s going to change everything in our lives whether we want it to or not. We shared crazy stories and examples from the cutting edge of science, and looked at shocking examples from around the world of what is going on with human genetic science. We also explored the science of immortality and shared a few simple life hacks that you can implement right now to extend your life and live past 100 with our previous guest, Jamie Metzl. If you want to have your worldview challenged by some mind-bending science, listen to our previous episode.

Now for interview with Morten.

[00:03:19] MB: Today, we have another exciting guest on the show, Morten Hansen. Morten is a management professor at UC Berkeley and a faculty member at Apple University. His academic research has won several prestigious awards and he is ranked as one of the world's most influential management thinkers by Thinkers 50. He was also a manager at the Boston Consulting Group, where he advice corporate clients worldwide. He’s the author of the best-selling Great at Work, Great by Choice and Collaboration.

Morten, welcome to The Science of Success.

[00:03:49] MH: Thank you for having me.

[00:03:50] MB: We’re really excited to have you on the show today. There are so many topics and themes from Great at Work that I think are really important today. I’d love to begin with one of the fundamental premises of the book, which is this idea that many people today are working potentially harder than they've ever worked. They’re working so hard and yet, as you put it, they might be working the wrong way. What does that mean?

[00:04:13] MH: Yeah, we did a study of 5,000 people and looked at how they work and their performance and we found that most people work the wrong way. And the main thing they do wrong is that they think that more is better. So more task, more activities, more hours more face time in the office, more phone calls, more business trips, the more you can do, likely better you will perform. That’s kind of the premise I think of so many people going to work, including myself. I’ve have done it myself. And it turns out to be wrong.

The very top performers across professions, across industries, across age groups, tend to be those who are really, really good at picking the most important priorities and engaging that extreme focus and then they go all in on the few things that matters the most. Those are the top performers. I would say in our data, 10% to 15% of people are able to do that, and then we got a whole group of 60% to 70% who are just doing too many things.

It's an interesting reason why is it like that, and we have this myth that if we can get more done in a day – So we ask the question. Given the hours I have, how much can I get done? As supposed to asking, “Given the hours I have. How few things can I really excel in?”

At a workplace, we have bosses who think like this. And therefore if they think like this, they will have their direct reports. We’ll be doing it as well. So up and down the hierarchy, we get this kind of work performance. What is happening is that productivity is going down. It’s not going up. It comes to, for example, working hours. We think that if you really perform and do really well, work a lot of hours. The ones who work 70 hours would do better than those who work 60 hours. Those who work eight hours will outperform those who do 70 and so on, and it’s not true.

What we find in our data is that there is a threshold. So you got to work hours. You got to work hard. You can't be a slacker, obviously. But if you have a full-time job and you get about 50 hours, that's probably where you should be. Then beyond 50 hours, the marginal productivity goes down very, very quickly and then it turns negative.

So in our dataset, beyond 65 hours per week, people start performing less well overall, which is pretty interesting. You’re adding the hours and you’re just underperforming. Now, 50 hours per week on average, that's hard work. That's not being a slacker, and the question is not to add more hours. It’s more to ask a question, “What should I do in those hours? Those 50 hours?”

[00:06:55] MB: So many great points. I think the notion that it's not about being a slacker is really important, but even what you just said a second ago that it's not about trying to cram extra hours into your week. It's about really intentionally using the hours that you already have and focusing them the right way.

[00:07:14] MH: Yeah, and I had to learn that the hardware myself. When I started my career at the Boston Consulting Group in London, I thought that the way to performance was just to work harder than anyone else. So I was there during the night and early mornings and I worked incredibly hard. Probably putting in 90 hours a week was that kind of work.

One day I worked on a project with another teammate and one night I went looking for and I couldn't find her. I saw kind of some of her work output and it was incredibly good. She was a top performer on that team, on that project. I asked her, “Cubicle mate, where is she,” and he said, “Well, she goes home every night at 6 PM. She works from 8 AM to 6 PM.”

It just struck me, “Wow! She's the top performer, yet she is working about 50 hours a week at BCG, which is a very sort of hard-working place.” I was up there at 90 hours doing well, but not as well as she did. I always pause and I think, “What did she do?” I never found that out, but I did find out that if I did a study of 5,000 people, I could come up with evidence-based insights into what it means to be a top performer at work. So I had to modify my own approach not working those 80, 90 hours a week.

[00:08:34] MB: And you just touched on something that you said at the very beginning of the interview, but it really bears repeating and extrapolating a little bit more, which is that this is not an opinion. This is data backed. This is evidence validated. You did a study of 5,000 people and came back with these conclusions, these insights. This isn't just a pie-in-the-sky pontificating. It's something that's really concretely grounded in evidence about performance at work.

[00:09:01] MH: Yeah, and I started by saying what creates great performance at work. In my previous book, I had done a book called Great by Choice with Jim Collins who offered Good to Great. I think many people know that book, and we wanted to do a follow-on book called Great by Choice and then studying why are some companies much better performers than others. We compared the top performing companies to the rest.

Then I want to do this other study, this graded workbook, where I want to do the same methodology for individuals and leaders and teams. So comparing the contrast between all kinds of people and all kinds of performance. You can't just study the very best and see what they have in common. That’s a flawed methodology, because you don't know what the underperformers are doing. They might be doing the same things. So you need to study people that or both low performers, mid performers, high performers and then you need to figure out is there anything that they do that is different, that differentiates the top performers and do they actually lead to the performance? What do they do? Are they connected to the performance?

That's a study I did of the 5,000 people, and is evidence-based, and I didn't set out with an opinion that I wanted to prove. I just ask the question, “What do they do differently?” What came back was this, the fact that they focus and that they work hard, 50, 60 hours a week, but not more. If what I come back was, “You know what? They worked the hardest of all. They are the most hours of all. Well, so be it. That will be the finding and we have to live with that.” But is not the case.

So this is evidence-based, and that to me as an academic is very important. It's interesting to me too that so many people in the workplace are working in the wrong way when the evidence suggests otherwise. So the first principle I have which I think is important. I would like to unpack it, because I think it's misunderstood a little bit, this idea of focus. I call it do less then obsess. The question is why focus?

So I was actually perplexed by that, because people before me, even Stephen Covey many years ago in the Seven Habits of Effective People, terrific book, published 30 years ago, said, “You should focus.” So many other authors had said focus. But what focus means in their workplace is that I do fewer things. Fewer tasks. Fewer priorities. Now that doesn't mean that you're doing better. What about your colleague down the corridor who’s doing five projects and I'm doing one project, or he or she is doing 20 sales calls to customers and I'm doing five? They’re doing more than me. So they should, in theory, perform better than I do.

So it's not clear that focus is a great strategy to work, and you also had to say no to your boss. That’s the other thing. You might upset your boss, because you have to focus and prioritize and say no to your boss. So it wasn't clear to me, and when we started looking at just the focus, “Do you prioritize at work?” is the question. There wasn’t not a big performance difference between the people who were focusing and those who weren’t. So that’s not the answer. It’s not the choice of focusing. That's where we had gotten it wrong. It's not like I say, “You know what? I only want to do three projects and not five or six.”

The question, the real insight is this word I use, obsession. That sounds like a little strange word. Why should I obsess? Obsession is the path to great performance. It’s the intensity of your effort and you’re going all in. Paying fanatic attention to detail, making sure that whatever you do, whether it’s creating a PowerPoint slide, or making it customer call, or being in a meeting, that in that moment, you excel. And to excel in that moment requires incredible preparation, incredible focus and intensity of effort, and you can only do that if you work on a few things.

When you start taking on many things at work, you spread yourself thin and every one of those things you do half-baked. You’re mediocre in many things. So the real key is obsession, and obsession requires focus. I tell a great story in the book. It's not my story, but it’s a great story about the greatest sushi chef in the world. It’s from a documentary movie called Jiro Dreams of Sushi, probably many of your listeners have seen that movie, and this is at three-star Michelin restaurant sushi chef in Japan. He has a tiny little restaurant in the subway station in Tokyo. It sees about 12 people, and he serves 20 pieces of sushi, but incredibly focused. There’s nothing else 20 pieces of sushi. Each piece is made to perfection, absolute perfection.

For example, the octopus sushi piece, he has figured out that what you have to do is to hand massage the octopus for 50 minutes, like 5-0 minutes. So here you have the chef standing there and hand massaging the octopus in order for that to be perfect. Now you can only do that if you're really, really focused. If he's serving all kinds of things, he can't do that.

So I want to people, and this is a good question for your listeners. Do you massage the octopus in your work? What’s equivalent of that in your work? So the route to performance is really around that obsession.

[00:14:50] MB: That's a great question. I love the idea of massaging the octopus. It's a great visual that really helps bring that out and jars you out of the complacency that you might be being about what you're really focused.

[00:15:04] MH: Yeah. The other thing is – So the question we asked in this research was what creates great performance? That was the only thing, and this is the do less, then obsess is one of the key ingredient. Many people today feel overwhelmed at work. They feel like they're doing too many things. There is not enough time to get it all done. One of the things that they do badly is that they are not very good at saying no.

I believe that one of the greatest professional skills required going forward in today is the ability to say no. No to your colleagues, to your boss, to your customers, to your suppliers, whatever line of work you're in. To do that, you have to do it appropriately. Not in a bad way so that you accept people. But that ability is so fundamental, because if you don't say no, you just take on so many things and what you end up happening is spread yourself thin and you start doing mediocre work and people will notice that. It’s going to backfire on you.

Now, people ask me, “Well, so how do I say no?” and it’s difficult particularly if you are young, you're 25, 30-years-old and you're trying to climb the career ladder at work and boss comes in and you’re doing 2 or 3 projects and you think the plate is full and your boss comes to you and say, “Hey, can you take on an additional assignment?” You know if you say yes, you’re going to struggle to complete everything. But it’s harder that moment to say no.

So here is my recipe for how to say no in a proper way. So your boss comes to you and say, “Can you take on additional assignment?” What you have to say is. “Okay. How important is this in relationship to the other ones that I’m already working on? Which of these should I do first?” When you ask that question back, you're putting the burden of prioritization on the shoulders of your boss, and that is actually your boss’s job. A manager’s job is to prioritize.

So, now instead of supposing to say yes or no, you put the burden back with a question. That's the right tactic. Now, your boss might say, “All of them are important. Can you get them all done.” Then you have to kind of challenge again, and the question is, “I cannot get them all done in time. Which of these should I get down in the first couple of weeks?” If you ask that question, again, back to your boss to prioritize.

What we found in our research, surprisingly so, because we talked to a lot a bosses, is that they accept that. They understand that you can't get it all done right away. Then they start thinking about it and then they make the prioritization for you. And now you are able to focus. This is a really good tactic. We found several people, many people in our study that did this and they did it well. Those are the kind of the performers who are able to stay focused.

[00:18:03] MB: Yeah. That’s such a great tactic, and saying no is something that I know I personally struggle with. I know so many people struggle with, and it's so hard in today's world, especially when you push back, you say no to somebody and then they fire back, “Well, aren't you talented? You do such a great job. I think you can handle all of these projects.”

[00:18:24] MH: And that’s the irony. I call that the curse of competence. The cursor competence is that you sit there and you do some really good work and people start noticing, “Wow! This person is really good.”

One of the reasons where you’re doing good work is because your focused on a few things, and then they come and tell you, “Well, I think that person can do something else. Let's get John that assignment. He’s doing such great work,” and then John gets a couple of more assignments and then we’re spread too thin and then we can start doing mediocre work. That’s the curse of competence. People come to because you are good, and then you rode the competence and you rode your performance, because you cannot say no.

Here the other day I spoke to somebody who's landed her first job. Very excited, starting a career and really liked to job, and was overwhelmed. I said, “What's going on?” She said, “I just got a few more assignments I need to do.” I said, “Why didn’t you say no?” She said, “You can’t say no. You cannot say no in your first job to make an impression.” That's actually wrong. I understand it’s difficult. That's why he had to be tactical about it. But now you’re getting the other problem, is that you can't complete those assignments really well.

The other thing we found in our studies at bosses and peers, they do noticed whether work is sloppy or whether it's done really well and they start forming opinions about you. They may not tell you, but they start forming opinions about you. You’re unprepared for the meeting. You hadn't really done all the readings and all the memos and all the documentations before the meeting and you sit there and you're not as sharp as you should be, or your PowerPoint slides have spelling errors and people start noticing.

[00:20:00] MB: So I want to contextualize this in a particular context, and I'm curious what your insights might be. I completely understand this for somebody who's an individual contributor in a specific role really executing working on projects and so forth. For somebody who has a broader purview. Let’s say they're an investor in multiple different companies, something like that. How do you apply or think about that same lens of focus in that context?

[00:20:29] MH: Yeah, focus depends on the context, right? So if I'm a junior person sitting somewhere, I should be doing a few things, few tasks if I can. If I’m more senior, I can take on more. Bigger companies can take more things than a startup and so on. If my strategy is portfolio investment, whatever that portfolio is. I mean, it can be a real estate agent. You're not just pursuing one property. You have to have a whole set of customers. If you’re an investor, you’re investing in several stocks. So whatever it is.

Of course, you have to have a portfolio. But the key here is if the execution of each one of those things depend on your effort, then you should be focusing. That's the key thing. You might invest in a few things is a passive investor and then you might as well be broad, because you are not involved in any one of those assets. You're not running the companies. You're not trying to do – To execute on the strategy of these companies. So your effort is not required.

But if your effort is required, for example, if you are dealing with customers, what is your customer portfolio? Let’s say you work in a company and you have 10 corporate customers. Now, your effort to make them happy really, really matters. So you’re spreading your time across 10. Can you go to 20? It’s going to be much more difficult for you.

You take on 20 customers, then you have only half the time you had before, and so on. So you need to kind of make a tradeoff. It’s a judgment call in the moment. But a lot of people ask, “How many can I take on?” The better question is, “How few can I take on and still excel?” Maybe you don’t need to go from 10 to 20. Maybe you should go from 10 to 8, and those eight will be so incredibly good, those customer relationships, that you would excel sell so much more than anyone else.

[00:22:24] MB: That's a great example. In the portfolio context, it makes total sense that it's really a question of whether or not the activity hinges on your specific effort. If it does, whatever your effort is going into, the research shows you have to be really focused on that.

[00:22:40] MH: Yeah, because the execution matters, right? So I tell the story. It’s a great story in the book about the race to the South Pole in 1911. There were two teams racing. There was one, the British timber, Robert Falcon Scott; Roald Amundsen. Back in those days they had five transportation methods they could choose from. They could pull the sled themselves. They could dogs, ponies, the motor sledge and ski.

The question then is how many of these should you actually take? Should you take all five methods and try to go to the South Pole will all five or should you just pick one or two? It’s a portfolio question. If you pick five, you have backups. You have options, because you don’t know what’s going to work out there. If you pick one, the problem is that if it doesn't work, you're not going to get there.

Now if you take five, then you become – You risk becoming mediocre in all, because how well you execute each one of those depend on your effort. So it’s a real great tradeoff between the two, and taking five turn out to be very, very difficult. Robert Falcon Scott on the British team, he took five and he slowed him down, because he became mediocre at five methods.

[00:23:49] MB: It makes total sense. Don't be mediocre at five things when you could be great at one thing.

[00:23:54] MH: Absolutely, and that's one of the keys to great performance. Now, then the question is,, going all in and becoming really, really good at something requires a drive, an effort, grit, tenacity, ambition, all those things. Otherwise you will not become really, really great. So the question is where does that drive come from? Does it come from a promise of a greater paycheck? Promotion? Status? Climbing the career ladder? Yeah, of course, those things matter. Let's be honest about it. But we also found that what matters the most is – I call it the inner drive.

It's the strong sense of passion and purpose in your job. Those are different. Passion is what excites you. It is what the world can give you. Purpose is what you can give the world. A sense a meaningful contribution to something beyond yourself, your company, your customer, society and so on.

What we found is that people who have both, they a sense of passion and they have a sense of purpose. They have what we call focused energy, that when they get up in the morning and they go to work, they have that focused energy, and it prevents them from procrastinating. It prevents them from being easily distracted. Like they sit in front of the computer at work and they’re trying to get something done, and you know how easy it is to check your social media.

You go to Instagram, you go to Facebook, whatever you do, or check on the Internet, the latest news and buzz, that distraction. It’s just right in front of you. But if you have focused energy, you’re much more less likely to do so and you get your stuff done. Here's the interesting thing, people have purpose and passion. They don’t work more hours than others. They just get more out of each hour they work, because of that focused energy.

[00:25:50] MB: That's a great way to define. Those words are so often used synonymously, and I really like the distinction between the two of them. One of them being passion, being more self-centered, and purpose being more about what you're contributing.

[00:26:04] MH: Yeah. The great thing, like we did, we studied 5,000 people and we asked them about passion and purpose, because this are personal kind of experiences. We could disentangle the two, because we found people that are low on both. We found people high on passion, but low purpose. People are high on purpose, but low on passion, right? They're not always the same. What we found is that the worst place to be is to below on both. Those people don't have energy at work. That's kind of obvious.

The next one up is to have high passion and low on purpose, then do better. You’re excited about what you do even though you don't feel it purposeful. You might be selling stuff you don't believe in. The third thing is to be high on purpose and low on passion. You really feel like what you’re doing is really important. You’re working on a biotech and you’re creating medicine, but you yourself are not excited about your job and what you do. Then the last thing is what I call P-square, having both. Then that's where you get the real performance boost, because you have both. So we could actually separate out the two. Purpose seems to be more important than passion. People feel like they have purpose, they tend to perform a little bit better than people who have passion only, but not purpose.

[00:27:20] MB: So how do we – Anyways, this is the age-old question, right? How do you start to find passion and purpose in your work, especially if you don't have it today?

[00:27:31] MH: Yeah, that's a great question, and a lot of people, millennials and others are looking for this. This has become far more important in your work than it used to be. On the passion part, what we found is that there are different kinds of passion, and one is the obvious thing. You actually like the task itself. Your work that you're sitting and doing every day.

But there's also people passion. Are you excited about the people you work with? Then there is creative passion. Do you feel creative at work? Then there is success passion. Do you get the thrill of success really excites you? Passion is about excitement. So I'm in sales. I'm closing a deal. I'm going to bakeoffs. I'm really excited about it. That's another kind of passion, and do you feel that?

Then there's a learning passion. Do you feel like you're growing in your job and developing? If that's so, then your job gives that opportunity. If you look at passion like that, there are many dimensions of passion, then you can start crafting more passionate activity in a current role. So you really get excited about learning new things and growing. Well, you can ask to go to training seminars. You can ask to go to conferences. You can sort of try to broaden your current job. We found people who are trying to do that, they’re just thinking about it as a circle. I can become bigger and bigger and bigger because I'm finding you things to do. So that’s the thing about passion.

Then on purpose side, I think we have defined purpose incorrectly. Purpose, I call it the pyramid of purpose. At the very bottom of the pyramid is do what contributes. Are you providing value in your job. If you're sitting around doing things that other people don't find beneficial, you’re filling in forms and checking boxes and you get that done, but nobody really cares whether you're there or not. You have no value contribution. So you need really need to think about, “Am I creating value for my company or for my organization in what I do?” If that's true, then you are actually having some kind of purpose. That’s kind of the bottom layer of your pyramid.

Then the next level up office is, is it personally meaningful for you? It may not be, but it might be for others. On that level, there is this study of zookeepers out there and they’re sort of asking zookeepers, “What do you think about your job?” One-half of them said, “It's a totally meaningless job and I’m only doing it for the paycheck and I'm literally just shoveling shit.” That's what they do, and the saw the job like that. Then the other half said, “This is my calling. I am saving endangered species by having this job.” So the same kind of people, but totally different interpretation of the same kind of job. So the question you have to ask, is it personally meaningful for me?

Then there’s the third part of the pyramid at the very top is a strong social mission. What I do I think contribute to society beyond making a profit for my company? Of course, people in healthcare, who work in a hospital. I have that. But people have it in other places too. There was a person we interviewed who was working out of a national rental car place in Alaska and she said, “Most of my customers, they need a car, because their other car has been in an accident and they come to me. I provide a service for them when they are in dire need of that service.” That's a different way of looking at something that looks like a trivial job. Then you kind of have that sense of social mission at the top of your pyramid.

What you have to do is to sort of look at these three questions for yourself. Do I really contribute value to my company and how can I do more of that? Second is what I do meaningful to me? Third, can I find that social mission in my job?

[00:31:29] MB: Great strategies, and I really like how you give the example of the same job and yet people have very different responses to it. I want to come back and share a strategy that you talk about, which is – And this is coming back a little more towards focus. But the strategy of looking at your calendar and figuring out where you're currently spending your time and matching that up with your current goals and priorities. Tell me will bit more about that and how to implement it.

[00:31:57] MH: Yeah. Let me turn that into sort of a tactic that the listeners can use, because I use this with a bunch of management teams at this point in time after we’ve figure out what people do after this study. Here are the steps. First of all, you have to ask and answer the question. What are the three most valuable things that I can do in my job? Value here is defined as benefits for others, benefits for your company. You kind of write those things down, three things.

Then you pull up your calendar. This is step two. You pull up your calendar for the last two weeks and you roughly go through and you checkmark each activity. You give it a one if it’s clearly aligned with those three top value creating activities. You give it a one. You give it two if it's somewhat aligned with those three activities. Then you give it a three if it's clearly not aligned with those three.

So you go to a meeting, and a meeting has nothing to do with the three. You have lunch with a colleague or you do other things. It’s like in your three bucket. Now, once you've done that, it shouldn't take that long. You add up all the hours that were in category one, two and three. Then you take category one and you ask yourself, “How many hours did I spend in category one?” Those that are clearly aligned with your top three, value creating activities. Then what percentage of your time?

Now, when I do this would managers, like a team, usually what happens is that people don't have more than 40% of their time in category one. Sometimes this is a revelation for people. They said, “I can't believe it. I was meeting with that person three or four times the last two weeks and why did I do that? Totally unnecessary, and it could have been one meeting. I could have saved all the time. Why did I go to this other meeting? Stuff I had to do maybe, but I can also excuse myself. Why do I meet with this person for an hour where it could have been 15 minutes?”

So people find a lot of time-wasting activities. In other words, they are spending most of the time at work not on the top three value creating activities. So then you get to the kind of step, the last step, which is, “Okay, how do I change this?” Here you have to sort of first start by cutting up things you can’t cut out that are fluff. I don't really need it. I can find a way out of it.” That’s the first thing.

Then the thing is you have to say, “Okay, how do I get more time and effort for the top three?” This is difficult, but this is where you free up time in order to focus on the top three value-creating activities. What prevents people from doing this is that they're busy with busy work. Routine staff meetings that take up too much time and they feel like they have to go to all of these. If you’re a manager, do you actually are scheduling all of these? That's the stuff that has to go. So it becomes about disciplining how you spend your time.

Now, I've done this with many people by now, this activity, and sometimes it comes to a shock to people. So, for example, I did with a management team in a high-tech company in Silicon Valley. We went through his activity. We actually went back for a month. Not two weeks, but a month. Not a single person on that team spent more than 30% of the time on the top three.

So you start thinking, “Okay, how do I shift my time I spent? What do I say no to? What to cut out and what do I spend more time on?” It's a fairly simple exercise. It's a very tangible concrete. We can all do it. I do it myself. Personally, I fall into this trap myself. So in my job as an academic, it is how much time do I spend on creative writing and producing of new knowledge? It’s a constant struggle to keep that. My goal is to keep that at about 40% on average and I do other things. I do speaking. I do other activities, the sort of traveling that takes time away. So then you have to be disciplined saying, “Okay, I need to find a way to spend more time on that.”

So, for example, one strategy I have, one tactic is that I don't spend two hours every morning checking my emails. It is so easy to get into the email trap in the morning. You get up, you check your email. You’re curious what did people told me, and you lots of emails. Then you start answering them. Before you know it, 90 minutes has gone by, and all you have done is to answer email. That may not be a top three value-creating activity. So what I do instead is I reserve the morning, about two hours every morning if I can, for my kind of creative part of my job.

[00:37:10] MB: Hey, I'm here real quick with confidence expert, Dr. Aziz Gazipura, to share another lightning round insight with you. Aziz, how can our listeners use science to get more dates with people they really want?

[00:37:24] AG: I love that question, and the answer is the science of confidence. So whenever we’re struggling, we want to date. We’re afraid to put ourselves out there. We’re worried on some level that we’re going to get a negative response. If you didn't have that worry, if you knew that this person you’re going to ask out was going to say yes and be excited to go out with, we’ll all be doing it without hesitation.

So the thing that stops us is anxiety, is fear, is self-doubt, and that is a confidence issue. So we build our confidence all of a sudden. We’ll have way more opportunities to put ourselves out there and to date. So sometimes we think, “What's the pickup line? What’s the thing I should say? How do I approach the person?” We get so focused on the how, and what we want to do is we want to take a step back and say, “How do I actually change what’s going on inside of me to feel more confident?”

There are so many ways we could do, and I have a course called Confidence University where I have a whole course on dating mastery. But one major tidbit out of that one is right now you have a story in your mind about why you're not attractive. Why someone wouldn’t be over the moon to go on a date with you? You want to find that story and take it out, uproot it.

So right now think about why you not attractive and how can you change that story to see yourself as someone who’s actually highly desirable? What are your qualities? What do you bring to a date or a relationship that would make someone love spending time with? If you get more clear on that all of a sudden, a lot of your anxiety and fear are going to evaporate.

[00:38:51] MB: Do you want to be more confident and get more dates? Visit successpodcast.com/confidence. That’s successpodcast.com/confidence to sign up for Confidence University and finally master dating.

[00:39:09] MB: What are some of the things that you’ve seen that stop people – Let’s say someone implements his exercise and then a week, a month later they fall back into some of these old habits and routines. What are some of the biggest failure points you've seen for people who start down this journey, but then it ends up being a false start?

[00:39:27] MH: Yeah, that's the habit question, right? Changing habits. It turns out to be so difficult to do. I think you need to have some kind of device, some kind of thing that prevents you from falling back into old habits.

So for my own writing activity, this is what I did to just give an example of that, because of course I was starting checking emails after a week of discipline. That’s what everybody does. But I wanted to write for two hours every morning. So I took an old computer, I stripped it of browsers, of everything that could be connected to the Internet. It only had word processing left on it. Then I left my phone behind and I went to Starbucks and I sat there for two hours with this barring computer. Then I get itch to go and check my email or go on Instagram, but I couldn't, because I have tied myself to the math to use that Greek mythology kind of parable, which is I have prevented myself from doing that.

So that's one thing. I think you need to find that thing, that kind of a rule. This goes to exercise and diet. This is same kind of routine. You had to find yourself. So you go to find a rule that works for you. So my wife, for example, she wants to go in stationary biking every day, which is a hard thing to do, because it’s boring. But then she has a rule, she can only watch your favorite TV show on an iPad while she's on the bike. Those two go together, and that iPad stays on the bike. So then I want to see the TV show and I'm on the bike, and then I put the two together, it’s easier now.

Exercise in the morning, what I do is I get up and I just go straight to the health club and I shower there. So then I get out of the house, grab a cup of coffee and go. Then it’s easier than saying I'm going to do later in the day, because I won’t do it. You go to find those little routines, and we found people – I have been very creative at work and how they do this. One cubicle open landscape, a cubicle office, they had a routine there. You had these arm bands around your arm, and if it was red, if you put on the red, you shouldn’t be disturbed. You’re on focus zone. With green, you can come and ask people questions. So it’s a signal to your coworkers. Stuff like that helps people focusing.

[00:41:56] MB: What about somebody who's a manager that has to spend a lot more their time in meetings with team. The vast majority of their work is taking all these meetings? Because I think that it intuitively makes sense to me to have a schedule like this for someone who's more of a creator that needs alone time, productive focus time. What about someone who needs to have a huge chunk of their calendar dedicated to checking in with team members and managing people and meeting with their boss and so forth?

[00:42:24] MH: Yeah. I mean, for managers, part of the top three value-creating activities is to focus on people, is to have those meetings and check-ins with people. That is the job. But here, again, people are incredibly unfocused. When we speak to managers, of course, their days are filled with meetings. But the question then is are those meetings effective? More than 65% of meetings according to our data are ineffective.

So what they do is that they spend their day wasting their time in ineffective meetings. That doesn't mean you shouldn't do the meetings. It just means you should turn them effective and have few things that people can do so.

It turns out, which is incredibly surprising, that people have a default on how long the meeting should last, and usually it’s driven by the software the company has implemented. So, if you have Google Calendar in default in the calendars is an hour. Then people schedule an hour meetings, which is crazy. Why an hour? I met so many companies now that they have an hour as default, or maybe 45 minutes. But meetings, some meetings should only take 15 minutes. You don't need the half hour or the hour. Some meetings should take five hours. But it seemed to be driven by the default of the systems. You need to change the default of the system.

So one rule I have for manager. I say – Or I provoke them by saying, “How about start cutting your meetings in half?” so half the time. If it’s an hour meeting schedule. Try half an hour. If it’s half an hour, try 15 minutes. Then the question is, if it’s one-on-one, fine. But if there’re a lot of people in a meeting, what about cutting the number of invitees in half? Because do all those people need to be there? That's a very good question. Maybe they don't, or maybe you could have sort of like a two-hour staff meeting and you can have people come and go. You’re freeing up time. You’re much more effective. So there are these simple things you can do to turn meetings more effective.

Then the other thing is a lot of meetings are scheduled, because you want to have a discussion, a debate about important topics. That’s why you call people into the meeting. Those kinds of meetings, decision-making meetings, debate meetings, discussion meetings. I have a whole chapter on this in the book. This is one of the key principles in the book, is how do you lead those meetings properly? Because most people don't. I call that principle fight and unite.

what you need in meetings or that kind is a good fight. That people feel they can speak up. That people feel that they can contribute. That the manager is asking the quiet, the introverted to speak up and invite them to be part of it. That you have a debate, we are building on each other’s point of view, as supposed to shutting down each other. Those elements of a great debate, and it’s a good fight. You don't want to have a culture of being nice. Nice is not the objective. It is to have a fight around ideas and arguments and not make it personal. Lots of people are really bad at that. Sometimes companies call this principle disagree and commit, and then you have to make decisions.

Consensus is the enemy of good work. Consensus leads to groupthink, where people are just going along to get along. They don’t want to rock the boat. I don’t want to be the spoiler of the consensus. So let's not have the debate. Let's not say no to something, because I want this group to come to consensus. We don't want consensus. But we need people that are decision-makers in meetings and they say, “We’re going to make a decision. Once we made a decision, we need to fall in line.” There's been a time for debate. There's a time for decision. There’s a time for implementation, and that’s where we need to fall inline.

Some people in some companies, they don't. They have rematch, “Okay, I didn’t like the way the decision went, so I want a rematch. I want another meeting.” That's not okay. So it's about having a great fight and then unite behind that decision being made. When you have meetings like that, what we found, which I found we had a great number of interviews around this, I found it really interesting, is that you have fewer meetings, because you had one meeting. It’s a good debate. We decided.

But in other companies I have people telling me, “You know what we do? We come to a meeting. There are 10 of us sitting in a meeting, and we discuss. It’s a bad discussion. We don't go anywhere. After an hour, we had to say, “We didn't resolve the issue. So we need to schedule a follow-up meeting.” In the next two weeks, there's a follow-up meeting and sometimes that goes badly. So they had to have third meeting for stuff that could have been done in the first meeting. So now you’re wasting time.

[00:47:11] MB: Should people have meetings where they are essentially update meetings?

[00:47:16] MH: No. It’s a ton of those meetings. I have a great I bought – I bought this mug. You can get it on Amazon. It’s not my mug, but it’s great. I bought one because I want to have one on my office desk. It says, “I survived another meeting that should have been an email.” I like that. These are status meetings. If you go to a meeting and you call in 15 people, and as a manager you sit there and you say, “Let me update you what happened,” and then you start reading down the list. Why have you asked 15 people to come and sit and listen to you? I mean, you could have recorded your own little self a video if you want to make it more animated and send that video out.

Let me tell you about this thing. Now, you could have schedule a meeting, say, 15 minutes or half an hour if people had questions, or you could have said, “If you have questions or concerns about what I just said, email them to me, and then we can have a meeting.” But people sit there in status update meeting and they just read down the list of stuff and then people get bored and they start asking questions and then derail the status update. It’s terrible. You should not have those. To be disciplined around the way you use your time is to be disciplined about the kinds of meetings you scheduled.

[00:48:32] MB: So coming back and making this really practical for somebody listening. What is one actions step that you would give them today, right now that they could start implementing to begin to make progress on one of the core themes or ideas that we’ve talked about today?

[00:48:51] MH: Right. I think it’s the do less and obsess idea, and this is what I would do. Take a look at your calendar next two weeks and ask yourself what are the one or two things I can cut out? And cut those things out. Say no to something or don't accept the invitation. Then you say, “Okay, I’ve just freed up four hours of my time.” Then you say, “Instead of wasting those four hours,” you say, “Okay, what is the most important thing I need to get done the next two weeks, and now I just got four more hours to do that.” Then you go and you spend those four hours on that one most important thing.

If you do this, this one practical thing, then just do it over the next two weeks. Then you say to yourself, “Okay, how did that feel if I accomplished that one task? I freed up for hours and a focused on my most important thing those four hours.” Then the next two weeks again, you can do the same. Maybe free up another hour. Because these things I'm talking about, these principles, the seven habits that we talk about the top performers in our book. They are behaviors. They are not innate characteristics. They can be improved upon bit-by-bit every day.

So that practical thing of saying no to two things the next two weeks is at path to rewards becoming incredibly focused and going all in on a few things. That is the key to this. Because none of us or very few of us can sort of switch from being really bad at something to incredibly good at something over the next week. It takes time and practice. It’s a muscle that needs to be developed. So try that principle, that one tactic and see how it felt like having those extra four hours and spending them on the most important thing and then do it again the next two weeks.

[00:50:46] MB: For listeners who want to find you and your work online, what is the best place for them to do that?

[00:50:50] MH: Yes. Going to my website is the best place, and that's mortenhansen.com, M-O-R-T-E-N H-A-N-S-E-N.com, and we have a free resource that I think a lot of listeners would like. We have created a quiz, a very quick sort of five-minute assessment tool that you can take online about how you stack up currently on the seven habits that are in in the book, Great at Work. Once you done it, you just go in and punch in the numbers where you fall and then it gives you a report card on how you stack up against the more than 20,000 people who have taken it so far. So you get a little bit a benchmark of yourself, where you in relationship to everyone else out there.

[00:51:32] MB: Well, Morten, thank you so much for coming on the show, for sharing all these wisdom. Some really important research, really important data, and hopefully people listening out there really take this to heart and implement these ideas.

[00:51:44] MH: Thank you for having me. It's been great.

[00:51:46] MB: Thank you so much for listening to the Science of Success. We created this show to help you, our listeners, master evidence-based growth. I love hearing from listeners. If you want to reach out, share your story, or just say hi, shoot me an e-mail. My e-mail is matt@successpodcast.com. That’s M-A-T-T@successpodcast.com. I’d love to hear from you and I read and respond to every single listener e-mail.

I'm going to give you three reasons why you should sign up for our e-mail list today by going to successpodcast.com, signing up right on the homepage. There’s some incredible stuff that’s only available to those on the e-mail list, so be sure to sign up, including an exclusive curated weekly e-mail from us called Mindset Monday, which is short, simple, filled with articles, stories, things that we found interesting and fascinating in the world of evidence-based growth in the last week.

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Remember, the greatest compliment you can give us is a referral to a friend either live or online. If you enjoyed this episode, please leave us an awesome review and subscribe on iTunes because that helps boost the algorithm, that helps us move up the iTunes rankings and helps more people discover the Science of Success.

Don't forget, if you want to get all the incredible information we talked about in the show, links transcripts, everything we discussed and much more, be sure to check out our show notes. You can get those at successpodcast.com, just hit the show notes button right at the top.

Thanks again, and we'll see you on the next episode of the Science of Success.

August 29, 2019 /Lace Gilger
Focus & Productivity
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How You Can Stop Distraction Right Now with Nir Eyal

August 15, 2019 by Lace Gilger in Focus & Productivity, Decision Making

In this episode we talk about one of the MOST important skills in the modern world - the ability to be inDISTRACTable. Are you sick and tired of distraction? Do you feel constantly overwhelmed in a world of notifications, demands, messages, and more and more information flying at you? In this episode we discuss exactly how you can battle back from distraction, control your attention and choose the life you want using the power of being “indistractable” with our guest Nir Eyal.

Nir Eyal is an expert in “behavioral design” having worked in both advertising and video gaming helping companies build and create more engaging products. Nir is the Wall Street Journal bestselling author of the book Hooked: How To Build Habit Forming Products and has been featured in Forbes, Psychology Today, and more. Nir is an active angel investor and currently writes to help companies create good habit and behaviors in their users on his blog NirandFar.com.

How to be Indistractable  by Nir Eyal.png
  • How do we deal with distraction in today’s world?

  • Why don’t we do what we say we’re going to do? Why do we do the things we know we shouldn’t do?

  • What is “akrasia” and how did the greek philosophers deal with the challenge of distraction?

  • Many of the “folk psychology” remedies to distraction don’t actually work

  • If there is no knowledge gap, why don’t we follow through? Why don’t people do what they need to do?

  • Most likely you know what you want to do. It’s also equally important to avoid the things you don’t want to do.

  • How do you become “indistractable"?

  • It’s about CONSISTENCY over INTENSITY to achieve anything.

  • What gets in the way of consistency moves you away from your goals.

  • If you don’t focus on the CORE reason you’re getting distracted you won’t solve the issue.

  • What is the job of a knowledge worker?

  • What is the output of knowledge work? Problem solving. Coming up with novel solutions to hard problems.

    • What improves problem solving.. FOCUS and CREATIVITY.

  • "The psychology of distraction”

  • What is distraction? What isn’t distraction?

  • The opposite of distraction is NOT focus, the opposite of distraction is TRACTION. And both words end in ACTION.

    • Traction and distraction are ACTIONS, things we DO, not things that happen TO US but things we DO.

  • “The time you plan to waste, is not wasted time."

  • EXTERNAL TRIGGERS are NOT the DISTRACTION

  • Everything we do is about the avoidance of discomfort. In psychology this is called the “homeostatic response."

  • This means time management is pain management.

  • To begin, we have to master our internal triggers.

  • One of the most common distractions in the workplace are OTHER WORKERS

  • Distraction is the third leading cause of death in the United States!

  • How nurses at UCSF made a simple yet earth shattering change that saved thousands of lives by removing external distractions, reducing prescription mistakes by 88%!!

  • What can you as a knowledge worker do to prevent being distracted during deep work?

  • The FOUR core strategies to combating distractions

    • Deal with internal triggers

    • Make time for traction

    • Hack back external triggers

    • Reduce distraction with pacts

  • They must be done IN ORDER to create the biggest impact

  • The self help industry has sold you a lie that if you’re not happy you’re not normal. Our species evolved to be perpetually perturbed.

  • The basic human condition is wanting, craving, desiring MORE. It’s baked into us from evolution.

  • Mindfulness and meditation is fantastic when you can’t get rid of the internal triggers. The first question you should ask yourself before you meditate is can you change the SOURCE, can you FIX the problem?

  • Fixing the internal source of your discomfort is one of the most powerful strategies

  • How do you cope with internal triggers when you can’t fix the source of the discomfort?

    • Re-imagine the trigger

    • Re-imagine the task

    • Re-imagine your temperament

  • Powerful lesson and strategy you can use from acceptance and commitment tendency: "surfing the urge."

    • Write down your urgent on paper

    • Explore your sensation with curiosity instead of contempt

    • “The ten minute rule” - for ten minutes, explore that sensation. Set a time for 10 minutes, and then give into the distraction after the 10 minutes.

  • Self compassion is a cornerstone of achievement and an essential component

  • Blamers and shakers - typical ways we distraction are problematic

  • "You can’t call something a distraction unless you know what it distracted you from."

  • The myth of the todo list. The magic to do list fairy doesn’t exist. Your to dos are your OUTPUTS not your inputs. They have nothing to do with your inputs. You can only control and schedule the INPUTS. That’s what you need to focus on.

  • Think of scheduling work like baking a loaf of bread, the inputs have to be on your calendar, like flour and yeast and water, if you don’t have all the ingredients and don’t have all the inputs, then you won’t get the OUTPUTS (ToDo’s/Goals).

  • Schedule everything you want to spend time on, good, bad, fun etc - and when you’re NOT doing that, you’re being distracted.

  • Homework: Know what you WANT TO DO with your TIME.

  • Homework: Realize you have power, control, and agency to put distraction in its place in your life.

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Please SUBSCRIBE and LEAVE US A REVIEW on iTunes! (Click here for instructions on how to do that).

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This week's episode of The Science of Success is presented by Dr. Aziz Gazipura's Confidence University!

You can learn to confidently connect with others, be bold, feel proud of who you are, and create the life you truly deserve!

What Would Your Life Look Like If You Have Double The Confidence?

Don't Wait and Wonder! Find Out Today!

Want To Dig In More?! - Here’s The Show Notes, Links, & Research

General

  • Nir’s Website

    • How to be More Productive and Focus (+ Free Schedule Maker)

    • Learn How To Avoid Distraction In A World That Is Full Of It

  • Nir’s LinkedIn, Facebook, and Twitter

Media

  • Indistractable Book Site

  • Author Directory on Medium, TechCrunch, The Next Web, Hackernoon, and Quartz

  • Optimizely Blog - Nir Eyal on Habits, Experimentation, and Becoming Indistractable By Robin Pam

  • Psychology Today - Acceptance and Commitment Therapy

  • CNBC - The professor who wrote the book on making addictive technology is having second thoughts by John Shinal

  • TED Radio Hour - Nir Eyal: How Easy Is It To "Unhook" Ourselves From Our Devices?

  • GrowthHackers - AMA: I'm Nir Eyal (@nireyal), author of "Hooked: How to Build Habit-Forming Products" Ask me anything!

  • [Podcast] Ezra Klein - Is Big Tech addictive? A debate with Nir Eyal.

  • [Podcast] Intercom - Nir Eyal on designing healthy habits – and the psychology behind them by Adam Risman

  • [Product] Product Love Podcast: Nir Eyal, Author of Hooked

  • [Podcast] How to Be Awesome at Your Job - 330: Becoming Indistractable with Nir Eyal

Videos

  • Nir and Far Blog - Indistractable: How to Master the Skill of the Century

  • Nir and Far Blog - The Truth about Kids and Tech: Jean Twenge (iGen) and Nir Eyal (Hooked)

  • Be Inspired - HOW TO BREAK THE BAD HABITS - Try it and You'll See The Results

  • TNW - Nir Eyal (Hooked) on Mastering the skill of the century | TNW Conference 2018

  • Tom Bilyeu - Addictive Behaviors - Nir Eyal | Inside Quest #28

  • Almost Everything - Social Media business model |HOOKED by nir eyal| almost everything

  • Productivity Game - HOOKED by Nir Eyal | Core Message

Books

  • Amazon Author Page

  • Indistractable: How to Control Your Attention and Choose Your Life by Nir Eyal

  • Hooked: How To Build Habit-Forming Products By Nir Eyal

Episode Transcript

[00:00:04.4] ANNOUNCER: Welcome to The Science of Success. Introducing your host, Matt Bodnar.

[0:00:11.8] MB: Welcome to the Science of Success; the number one evidence-based growth podcast on the internet with more than four million downloads and listeners in over a hundred countries.

In this episode, we talk about one of the most important skills in the modern world, the ability to be indistractable. Are you sick and tired of distraction? Do you feel constantly overwhelmed in a world of notifications, demands, messages and more and more information flying at you? In this episode, we discuss exactly how you can battle back from distraction, control your attention and focus and choose the life you want using the power of being indistractable with our guest, Nir Eyal.

I’m going to tell you why you’ve been missing out on some incredibly cool stuff if you haven’t signed up for our e-mail list yet. All you have to do to sign up is to go to successpodcast.com and sign up right on the home page.

On top of tons subscriber-only content, exclusive access and live Q&As with previous guests, monthly giveaways and much more, I also created an epic free video course just for you. It's called How to Create Time for What Matters Most Even When You're Really Busy. E-mail subscribers have been raving about this guide.

You can get all of that and much more by going to successpodcast.com and signing up right on the home page, or by texting the word smarter to the number 44-222 on your phone. If you like what I do on Science of Success, my e-mail list is the number one way to engage with me and go deeper on what I discuss on the show, including free guides, actionable takeaways, exclusive content and much, much more.

Sign up for my e-mail list today by going to successpodcast.com and signing up right on the home page, or if you're on the go, if you're on your phone right now, it's even easier. Just text the word “smarter”, that's S-M-A-R-T-E-R to the number 44-222. I can't wait to show you all the exciting things you'll get when you sign up and join the e-mail list.

Do you know what you should be doing and yet you don’t do it? In our previous episode, we dug into the science behind why this happens and how exactly you can overcome this massive obstacle. No one is ever actually stuck, but the reason you feel stuck is because what you want, your goals, desires, changes you want in your life, etc., are bumping up against an emotional roadblock or subconscious limiting belief. It’s like having one foot on the gas while the other slams down on the brakes.

In our previous interview with Dr. Sasha Heinz, we shared what you can do to finally overcome that fear and anxiety and transform your life. If you want to finally get unstuck, listen to our previous episode.

Now for our interview with Nir.

[0:03:27.4] MB: Today, we have another awesome guest back on the show, Nir Eyal. Nir is an expert in behavioral design having worked in both advertising and video gaming, helping companies build and create more engaging products. He is the Wall Street Journal bestselling author of the book Hooked: How to Build Habit-Forming Products, has been featured in Forbes, Psychology Today and much more.

Nir is an active angel investor and currently writes and helps companies create good habit and behaviors in their users on his blog nirandfar.com. Nir, welcome to the Science of Success.

[0:03:58.9] NE: Thanks, Matt. Great to be here.

[0:04:00.6] MB: Well, we’re excited to have you back on the show. We loved our previous conversation. You’ve got a new book coming out that is really interesting and I think a critical topic in today’s world especially.

[0:04:12.9] NE: Thank you. Yeah. It’s really great to be back. It’s been a while, but the new book has occupied my brain for the past five years now. I’ve been working on this new book and I’m finally out of my writing cave and ready to tell others about what I learned.

[0:04:25.3] MB: Well, it’s really funny. I was watching one of your speeches on YouTube doing a little bit of research about the book, and you opened with a blooper reel of people on their phones walking into objects and stumbling into things. Embarrassingly, I literally not even a week ago I was walking and I was reading something on my phone and I literally smashed my head into this extended deck that didn’t have – there was nothing on the ground, but it was elevated. I just walked right into it.

Yeah. Fortunately, no major damage or anything, but it was eerie to see that then on the video a couple days later and just be like, man, we really are – I mean, distraction and know it’s hitting home for me.

[0:05:05.4] NE: Yeah, the struggle is real. I thought you were going to tell me that you hit your head while you’re watching the video. That would’ve been the ultimate irony of ironies there.

[0:05:11.5] MB: That would’ve been a supreme irony. No, sadly. Either way, I think as you put it, this whole distraction crisis is something that just every day, almost seems to be getting worse and worse and worse. It’s hard to see through the fog and see how do we get out of it.

[0:05:28.4] NE: Yeah. Well, that’s a big part of what this book is about. I mean, this topic has been covered from a lot of different angles. I know, it’s frankly a topic I wanted an answer to and didn’t find an answer I liked, because every other book on this topic basically puts the blame squarely on technology, right? Every other book I’ve read, I’ve read dozens and dozens of books on this topic, because I don’t like to write books that have already been written. I only write books that I can’t find that properly address the problem that I am facing in my own life.

When I looked for a book to answer this question I had of why don’t we do what we say we’re going to do? Fundamentally, why do we get distracted, whether it’s a technological distraction, or any other sources of distraction, why don’t we do what we say we’re going to do and why do we do the things that we know we shouldn’t do. After five years of researching this topic, originally I thought – I originally started thinking that these books must be write, that it is the technology that’s the problem. When I tried the solutions in these books, like digital detox, or a 30-day plan, it didn’t work. I tried them and they didn’t –

Not only that, the more I researched them, I found that the scientific literature actually doesn’t really support many of these folks, psychology remedies to distraction. We really have to dive deep to understand what distraction is all about.

[0:06:40.1] MB: I love that phrase, folk psychology, because there’s so much of that in today’s world. It’s fascinating once you start getting into the science and really trying to figure out what actually works and how can you implement this and how can we really overcome these problems and challenges? You touched on something a second ago, which I think is really important as well, which is this idea of I think in the book, you call it akrasia, right? Which is this notion. Explain a little bit what akrasia is and why it’s such an important concept.

[0:07:09.6] NE: Yeah. I was surprised to find that distraction is an age-old concept that in fact, Socrates talks about akrasia, this tendency that we have to do things against our better interest. This was 2,500 years ago. Literally, people were complaining about how distracting the world is these days. I just thought that was a really refreshing reminder that Facebook didn’t create distraction, our iPhones didn’t create distraction. This is a part of the human condition.

That led me to explore, well what is it about the human psyche that trips us up this way? I mean, why is it? To me, it’s such a fascinating question. If we know what to do, if there is no knowledge gap, why don’t we follow through, right? We all know if we want to have a good-looking body, we have to exercise and eat right. I mean, do you need to buy a bodybuilding book, or a nutrition book to tell you that? We all know that chocolate cake is not as helpful as the healthy salad. We know that if you want a healthy relationship with your friends and loved ones, you have to be fully present with them.

We know that if you want to do really well at your job, you have to do the work, especially the hard work that other people don’t want to do, or aren’t willing to do. We don’t need to buy self-help books that tell us all this stuff we already know. If that’s the case, if there is no information gap, we actually do know what to do. Why don’t we do what we say we’re going to do?

That was really the basic question of this book, because what I have come to believe is that most people out there do already know what it is that they want to do, but they don’t realize that it’s equally important to know how not doing the things you don’t want to do. That’s really what becoming indistractable is all about. The term indistractable, I made up the word. The nice thing about making up a word is that you can define it anyway you like.

To become indistractable means you become the person who strives to do what they say they’re going to do. It means you live with personal integrity. You’re as honest with others as you are to yourself. If you can do that, if you can become indistractable, I mean, isn’t that a superpower? I mean, imagine what we could accomplish if we actually did everything that we said we’re going to do.

[0:09:16.9] MB: That’s a great framework and a way of looking at it. It reminds me of something that some of my intellectual heroes, Warren Buffett and Charlie Munger talk frequently about, how their strategy is not necessarily to be smart, but it’s to be less stupid and minimize a lot of the negative decision-making traits and ideas and so forth, so that they can – if you eliminate a lot of the bad possibilities, then suddenly, your decision-making quality improves, even without you doing super difficult, genius, incredible novel things. It’s the same approach, right?

That’s what you’re talking about, which is there’s so many things we know we don’t want to be doing them and yet, how do we create structures in our life to actually predictably and systematically start to minimize those things that distract us and create negative behaviors?

[0:10:01.7] NE: Absolutely. I mean, that is exactly spot on. It’s really about consistency over intensity. In so many aspects of our life, if you want to be more healthy, if you want to have better relationships, if you want to do better at your job, it’s not about, “Oh, I read this book that gave me this amazing new breakthrough technique that’s the flavor of the week and I’m going to implement it right now.” It’s about consistently performing the job, or the activity at hand for the rest of your life, right? That’s where excellence comes from. It’s not about these fly-by-night ideas. It’s about consistency over intensity. What gets in the way of consistency is distraction.

[0:10:36.4] MB: That’s another great framework. I’ve heard that concept and idea so many different times. I’ve never heard it exactly put so succinctly, the notion of consistency versus intensity. Even coming back to the example, which we’ve talked about in many episodes on the show, because it’s such a crystal clear one, but you brought it up as well, the idea of weight loss or healthy lifestyles, being healthy.

It’s not rocket science what you need to do and yet, people don’t do it. One of my mentors in the fitness world told me something about meal plan or diet, which is basically adherence trumps everything else. If you can’t adhere to it, it doesn’t matter. At the bottom of the pyramid of most important things, whether it’s calories, macros, meal timing supplements, whatever, the number one thing is adherence.

[0:11:22.1] NE: Right. Exactly. Should it be any different for these current dilemma that we face around distraction, that the same exact rules apply. This is why I’ve been so dissatisfied with the other books that have come out in this category, because they all tell you, just put away the technology, go in a 30-day detox, do this 30-day plan. It doesn’t work. I tried them and they don’t work. I got myself a feature phone that did nothing but send text messages, receive phone calls, no apps. I got myself a word processor from eBay from the 1990s that had no internet connection and I still got distracted, right?

I got rid of all the technology. I thought that was the problem and I still got distracted. Why? Because there were these books behind me and this bookcases that I just wanted to read that one thing that might be helpful for work, or let me just clean up my desk for a second. I probably should throw out the trash. The trash needs to be taken out. I constantly got distracted, because I wasn’t focusing on the core issue that was causing me to get distracted.

I didn’t understand the psychology of distraction. Just like, I used to be clinically obese at one point in my life. I remember I would do these fad diets. I would go on these 30-day fad diets and then you know what happens on day 31, right? It all comes back, because you eat with a vengeance. That’s exactly what happens with our technologies these days and these distractions. If we don’t learn how to manage the use of these products – look, we need them for our livelihood.

It’s very easy to say, “Oh, get rid of your technology when you don’t have a social media account.” Some authors don’t, do write about this topic, which I think is really ironic. That wasn’t helpful. I want to know how I can live with these technologies and yet, make sure that I can get the best of them without letting them get the best of me.

[0:13:03.3] MB: It’s so fascinating that you try to – you actually did get rid of these things and you still got distracted. I find that really interesting. I want to expound upon, or explore something you touched on a minute ago that ties into all of this, which is this notion that in today's world with this distraction crisis that we're facing, it really is a superpower if you can be indistractable, because the things that are going to be rewarded are things that benefit from and are derived out of focus and deep work and creativity. That's where all the value is being created in today's economy. If you're constantly distracted, you can never get to that place.

[0:13:40.8] NE: That's right. That's right. I mean, if you think about okay, what is the job of a knowledge worker? I would put, it's very clear if you work on a factory line on what your output is, right? You're making widgets, you're baking bread, whatever it might be, you can see your output on a production line. For knowledge workers, what is our output? Our output is problem-solving. Our job in one form or another, whether it's through customer service, whether it's through design, whatever it might be, our output in whatever format it takes is creating and coming up with novel solutions to hard problems. It turns out that without doing focused work that becomes very hard to do.

How do people do it? Well, they do it after work, right? They do e-mails and meetings all day long. Then at night is when they do the actual work of work, when they actually come up with novel ideas to hard problems. That is let's say, suboptimal to say the least, because there is always a price to be paid. The price to be paid comes out from the people we love. It comes out of time with our family, it comes out of time with friends, it's leading to this loneliness epidemic in this country, that there are fewer and fewer people can say that they have close relationships.

A big part of that is because we just don't spend the time that we need with people who make us feel good, because we're just so busy these days with work that spills over out of work, out of work hours, I should say. This affects so many different facets of our life. I mean, I think last but not least is our relationship with our kids. Many parents I speak with complain about how their kids are so distracted these days with Fortnite and Facebook and they're yelling at them to put these devices away as they're looking at e-mail on their iPhones.

We're hypocrites. As parents, we need to become indistractable first and foremost. I say this as a father myself of an 11-year-old. We need to set the example for our children and help them become indistractable by first becoming indistractable ourselves.

[0:15:44.7] MB: Let's unpack this a little bit more. I want to dig into as you called it a minute ago, the psychology of distraction. Tell me more about that. I want to start unpacking a little bit more.

[0:15:55.5] NE: Sure. Let's define what we mean by distraction. To understand what distraction is, we have to understand what it is not. What is the opposite of distraction? The opposite of distraction is not focus. The opposite of distraction is traction. Both words come from the same Latin root, trah are, which means to pull. You'll notice that both words end in the same five letter word, action. Traction and distraction both end in action, reminding us that traction and distraction are things that we do. They are actions we take, not things that happen to us.

Traction is any action you take that pulls you towards what you want, things that you do with intent. The opposite of traction is distraction. This is an important framework to get into our heads. We can think about it like a horizontal line with two arrows pointing to the right and to the left.

This is important for a few reasons. One, it frees us from this moral hierarchy that what some people do with their time is somehow morally inferior to what other people do with their time. It drives me nuts when people say, “Oh, those video games. What a waste of time. That's a bad thing to do with your time,” but me watching that football game, that's fine. March Madness, that's perfectly fine. Me wasting time on watching the sixth hour of Fox News, or MSNBC, that's okay. You playing video games or Candy Crush or social media, not okay. It's ridiculous, because they're both pastimes and there's nothing wrong with your pastimes, whatever it might be, as long as it is time that you plan to spend.

There's a quote in the book. I can remember who said it, but it's a great quote that the time you plan to waste is not waste of time. Anything that you plan to do with intent is traction. Anything that is not traction, that takes you off track from what you plan to do with intent is distraction. Similarly, I mean, in the same vein many tasks that we think are worky, right? That feel we should be doing, can also be distraction.

One thing that constantly got me before I learned how to overcome it was sitting down on my desk and saying, okay, it's time for me to do some focused work, it's time for me to write this chapter in my book, or to finish this presentation, but let me just for a minute scroll e-mail for a minute, or let me just check that Slack channel, or I'll Google something. That feels worky, right? That's a good thing to do. It's something I have to do anyway at some point, right? No, that is just as much of a distraction if that is something that you did not plan to do with intent.

You've got traction on the right, you've got distraction on the left, on the horizontal axis. Now I want you to think about a line bisecting that horizontal axis vertically, okay? Now you have a line, a big plus mark now in your head and you've got almost the four points of a compass north, east, south and west. Now you've got the south and the north. We haven't talked about those two. We already did traction-distraction, but what about the two other points, the top and the bottom of the vertical line?

At the bottom, I want you to place external triggers. External triggers are things that move you towards traction or distraction, by giving you some piece of information in your outside environment. This is where all the pings, dings, rings and things that we have all around us every day can either move us towards acts of traction, things we want to do, or distraction. If your phone buzzes and says, “Oh, it's time for that workout, or it's time for that meeting you planned, or it's time to read a book,” or whatever it might be that you plan to do with intent, well now it's moving you towards traction.

If you receive a buzz on your phone that gets you to do something you didn't plan to do, if you're working on a hard assignment, or your e-mail is buzzing you and now it's moving you towards distraction, because that is something you didn't plan to do. Then finally and most importantly, and this is where we really get into the weeds around the psychology of distraction that the north part of this plus mark right at the top is internal triggers. Internal triggers are these things that prompt us to action just like external triggers, but where the source of the internal trigger comes from within us.

One of the mantras I want everyone to remember here is that by and large, distraction starts from within. These internal triggers are uncomfortable emotional states. They are feelings, negative valence states that we feel that we don't want to experience. If we really back up a bit to think about the first principles around not only why do we get distracted, but why do we do anything? The answer is not what most people believe. Most people believe that the nature of motivation is some form of carrots and sticks, right? It's about pain and pleasure. Freud's pleasure principle.

It turns out that neurologically speaking, it ain't true. That neurologically speaking, it's not about the pursuit of pleasure and the avoidance of pain. Turns out the way the brain gets us to do everything and anything is through the avoidance of discomfort. Everything we do is about the avoidance of discomfort. This is of course called the homeostatic response, and so whether it's a physiological sensation, if you feel cold you put on a coat, if you feel hot, you take it off, if you're hungry, you feel hunger pains, you eat. If you are stuffed and you ate too much, well you stop eating, because that feels uncomfortable. Those are physiological states.

The same is true for psychological states. When we're feeling lonely, we check Facebook. When we're uncertain, we Google. When we're bored, we check Reddit, or stock prices, or sports scores, or the news, or YouTube. All of these things cater to these uncomfortable feelings, even the pursuit of pleasure, right? Even wanting to feel something that feels good is itself psychologically destabilizing, right? Wanting, craving, the urge, a desire. There's a reason we say love hurts. Neurologically speaking, it does in fact hurt.

Everything we do, even the pursuit of a pleasurable sensation is driven by the desire to escape discomfort. That means if all our behavior is driven by a desire to escape discomfort, that means that time management is pain management. If we are really to get to the bottom of why we do or don't do the things we know we should or should not do, we have to start with these internal triggers. We have to master this discomfort that prompts us to either traction or distraction.

[0:22:30.9] MB: So many great points and things that I want to explore more. One of the most important things I think you've said is this notion that distraction is not about the external triggers, it's the action that we take. It's not something that comes from the outside. It's something that comes from us.

[0:22:47.7] NE: Right, right. By and large, there are clearly external triggers can drive us to –

[0:22:52.7] MB: Or inaction.

[0:22:54.4] NE: Right. The knee-jerk reaction is just to think about the external triggers. Even there, most people will think about the pings and dings on their phone and their computer, we don't realize how many external triggers there are in the outside environment that have nothing to do with technology. In my research, I found that one of the most common sources of distraction in the workplace is other workers, right? It's the scourge of the open floorplan office where someone can come by and say, “Hey, I just heard this office gossip. We have to talk about this. Come on, let's talk about this,” when you're in the middle of a big project. That is just as much of a pernicious source of distraction as anything you might get on your phone.

There are ways to deal with that. One of the ways that you deal with is you hack back these external triggers. One thing that is unique about this book is inside the book, there is a piece of cardstock. Actually, let me back up. Can tell a quick story here? Let me digress for just a minute.

[0:23:45.4] MB: Absolutely.

[0:23:46.6] NE: This research about external triggers is really interesting. There's an anecdote I tell in the book about the third leading cause of death in the United States.

If I were to ask you, what's the third leading cause of death in United States, I'll give you the first two, number one is heart disease, number two is cancer. The third leading cause of death, if it were a disease, it's not Alzheimer's, it's not accident, it's not stroke, third leading cause of death in the United States of America is prescription mistakes. People being given the wrong medication, or the wrong dosage of medication by healthcare practitioners inside hospitals. 200,000 Americans are harmed every year by this completely preventable human error.

Now most hospitals in America just say, “Well, what are you going to do? It's the price of doing business. Not much we can do about it.” Until a group of nurses at UCSF decided to get down at the bottom of this and trying to figure out what was going on. Why are so many people given the wrong medication by healthcare practitioners? They discover that the source was distraction. That nurse practitioners primarily, when they were dosing out medication on their medication rounds were being interrupted by their colleagues. Somebody would come up to them and distract them, typically one of their colleagues, a doctor, or a fellow nurse.

What was interesting about this study is that the people dosing out the medication and making these errors didn't realize that they were making the errors until it was too late by and large. That's exactly what happens to us as knowledge workers. We don't even realize how much better our performance could be if we could focus on one task at a time, just like these nurses who were dosing out medication and didn't realize they were making an error until it was too late. We as well don't realize how much better our work could be if we just simply focused on a task for a substantial period of time.

What was the solution? What did these nurses do? They actually found a solution to this dilemma that reduced prescription mistakes by 88%. 88% reduction in prescription mistakes. Their solution was not some multi-million dollar technology. Their solution was plastic vests. Plastic vests that said, dosing rounds in progress. That's signaled to their colleagues that these nurses were not to be bothered while they were dosing out medication. This reduced prescription mistakes by 88%. Unbelievable.

I translate this lesson from these nurses into what we as knowledge workers can do every day inside these open floor plan offices. Back to what I started to talk about earlier, every copy of indistractable inside the book comes with a cardstock sheet that you can pull out, fold into thirds and place on your computer monitor. I call this a screen sign. The screen sign says in bold letters, “I'm indistractable. Please come back later.”

Now you don't leave this up all day long. You only leave this up maybe 45 minutes at a time to signal to your colleagues that right now I'm doing focused work. I can wear headphones to do that. No, you can't, because people have no clue if you're watching YouTube videos, or listening to ESPN, podcasts, or whatever.

It's much better to send a very clear explicit signal that you are not to be disturbed during this period of time. You will find that your performance will improve markedly when you have that focused work time to not be interrupted, not just by the obvious interruptions of your technology, but also from the less obvious distractions like your workplace colleagues.

[0:27:21.3] MB: Such a great example and that story about the pharmacist is amazing. Even the practical, bringing that all the way back to something people can implement right now today in their offices is such a great framework, such a great strategy.

[0:27:34.4] NE: Thank you. Yeah, it's worked. I use it in my home. I work from home and it's even effective, even if you don't work in an open floor plan office. When my kid comes into my office here, she also has to know that I can't be distracted. Even my child can be a distraction, and so we use – actually, my wife bought this $5 light-up crown that she wears. It looks a little ridiculous, but it works like a charm, because before your words can come out of your mouth to interrupt her, you see – we call it the concentration crown. “Okay, sorry. I know you're concentrating right now. I won't bother you.” It's a very, very effective technique.

[0:28:08.5] MB: That's awesome. I want to come back and unpack a couple of the things about internal triggers as well and how we can manage our own psychological states and deal with the distraction and so forth that comes internally. Before we do that, I want to explore and finish unpacking external triggers. What are a few of the other strategies that we can use, or implement to make it more difficult for us to get distracted?

[0:28:31.4] NE: Sure. The four parts, just we talked about the north, east, south and west four parts of this model. Just to recap those, the first step is to master internal triggers, the second step is to make time for traction, the third step is to hack back external triggers and the fourth step is to prevent distraction with pact. That's the strategy. I mean, the tactics here are less important. Whether it's a screen sign, whether it's this app or that app, those are all tactics. The book is full of tactics. There's lots of tactics out there.

What's even more important is the strategy. Tactics are what we do, strategy is why we do it. My contribution I think to this field is that now we can have a clear picture as to why we get distracted. I would constantly get distracted day in and day out and not realize why, or do anything about it, right? What's that definition of insanity is doing the same thing and expecting different results.

Like an idiot, I would constantly get distracted day after day and not do anything about it. That's where I think this model is helpful is to finally be able to picture, “Oh, okay. Was it an internal trigger that I need to deal with and find a better way to cope with that discomfort? Was it that I didn't make time for traction? Was it that I should have hacked back that external trigger that distracted me? Or can I use a pre-commitment, or a pact to prevent distraction?” Those are the big four strategies.

By the way need, to be done in order. A lot of what I discovered in my research is that if you do these out of order, like a lot of people have heard about pre-commitments, making some bet with a friend to make sure they do what they say they're going to do, these type of tools have been around for a while. In fact, they can backfire if you don't first take care of the other step. It's very important you do these in order.

[0:30:17.2] MB: In that case, let's back up and start – come back to internal triggers and talk a little bit more about how do we deal with those. I love what you said earlier about this idea that in psychology, everything is fundamentally about the avoidance of discomfort and the homeostatic response. I wanted to explore a little bit more, even this notion you shared that time management is pain management. Tell me a little bit more about all those and how that comes back to helping cope and deal with internal triggers, since that's the first of the four core strategies.

[0:30:48.5] NE: Yeah, yeah. This is the hardest one to deal with, I'll be honest, because the other ones are more tactical. This one requires us to face the icky, sticky uncomfortable truth that we use these devices to escape ourselves. I think managing these internal triggers starts with dispelling this notion that somehow if we're not happy, if we're not satisfied, then something's wrong with us. Nothing could be further from the truth.

What I want folks to realize is that the self-help and personal development industry has sold us this lie, because it makes them a lot of money that if we're not happy, we're not normal. That is just not true, that our species evolved to be perpetually perturbed. That's how we advanced, right? We need dissatisfaction. If there was ever a tribe of homo sapiens who was happy hunky-dory and satisfied with life and didn't want more and didn't feel these internal triggers to spur them to want more, if that tribe ever existed, our predecessor has probably killed them and ate them, because they wouldn’t have survived.

The first step is to realize that feeling bad isn't bad. It's normal. That is the baseline human condition is wanting, craving, desiring more. Now we can either use that for good, right? We can use these internal triggers, these uncomfortable emotional states to help us do more, to be better, to help us discover life-saving medicine, to help us overturn despots, to reach for the stars, all of these things come from a desire to want more.

We need to harness that power to do one of two things; we can use that power to either change our circumstances and change the source of the internal trigger, or where we can't change the source of that discomfort, we need to learn methods to cope with that discomfort. I think over the past few years, I talk about in the book very, very briefly. It’s one sentence. I talk about how I will not be talking about meditation or mindfulness for the rest of this book. Not because these techniques don't work, but I think they've gotten too much airtime. That it's almost like in a way, behavioral economics versus conventional economics.

That most of human behavior is driven still by conventional economics. Incentives work and those incentives fall under conventional economics. Of course, behavioral economics explain some of the exceptions to standard incentivized behavior. The same goes when it comes to mindfulness and meditation. Those techniques are fantastic when we can't change the source of the discomfort. Let me tell you, we don't always want to meditate our problems away. Meditation is itself a form of psychological escape and we need that to some degree. There's nothing wrong with it, but we shouldn't go straight to that.

We should start by first asking ourselves, can we change the source of the discomfort itself? Can we fix the problem? Only when we can't fix the problem and we will always have these uncomfortable emotional states, that's when we need to learn techniques to cope with that discomfort. We either fix the source of the discomfort and I talk about in the book in the second half of the book, I talk about how one of the major sources of discomfort in people's lives is terrible workplace culture.

Many people work in work environments, which perpetuates these internal triggers, feelings of anxiety, depression, stress, fatigue are perpetuated by workplace cultures that are toxic. Those are the type of workplace environments that we have to fix that culture, because what do people do when they experience these uncomfortable emotional states? Well, they send even more e-mails. They call even more pointless meetings. They do behaviors that not only distract themselves, they distract their colleagues as well.

There's a big chunk of the book about how to build an indistractable workplace. That's where we fix the source of the discomfort. Then when we can't fix the source of the discomfort, I give three techniques for coping with these internal triggers, when we can't necessarily fix the source of the discomfort. These three techniques are all about reimagining these internal triggers. We can either reimagine the trigger, we can reimagine the task, or we can reimagine our temperament. Those are the three big categories for what we can do when we have an internal trigger that we can't necessarily fix the source of.

For example, I'll just give you one technique I use almost every single day. This technique comes out of acceptance and commitment therapy. By the way, nothing in the – I hate these self-help books that are, “Hey, I tried this technique and it worked great for me. Therefore, it will work for everybody.” No, no, no. That's not what my book is about at all. Everything in my book is peer-reviewed, studies that have appeared in academic journals. Most of it is old research, but applied to this new domain.

For example, this technique that comes from acceptance and commitment therapy of doing what's called surfing the urge. Here's how this technique works. When I sit down on my desk and I need to work on a big project, I need to write, I need to do something that I'm likely to get distracted while doing, when I find myself potentially getting distracted, so let's say something that used to get me all the time, now I know how to deal with it is this urge while I'm writing.

Writing is really hard work for me. While I'm writing, I'll just say to myself, “Let me just check that quick e-mail. I wonder if something came in, or let me just Google something. I need to do a bit of research here for a minute.” That's of course distraction, because it's not what I intended to do with my time.

What I used to do was to bully myself. I would have this negative self-talk of, “You see, you're so easily distracted. You have such a short attention span. You see, it's something wrong with you.” That's exactly the wrong thing. What we really want to do is to explore that sensation with curiosity, instead of contempt. Step one is we simply write down that sensation. I'll give you a link to a distraction tracker that is in the book as well, where all we have to do is simply note that sensation. Simply putting it on paper, feeling bored, okay. It sounds silly. It sounds simple. Incredibly effective. That's the first step.

Then the second step is to explore that sensation with curiosity, rather than contempt. Most people, their self-talk is horrendous. I know it was for me. If I talk to my friends the way I talk to myself, they wouldn't be friends with me anymore, right? We are oftentimes are our worst critics. What I've done now is to cultivate self-compassion, is to talk to myself the way I would talk to a good friend. In that process of self-compassion, what I'm doing is self-talk, something like this for example.“Oh, there I go reaching for my cellphone. I'm feeling fatigued. I'm feeling uncertain. I'm feeling fearful that nobody's going to like what I'm writing. I get curious about that sensation.

Then what you're going to do is for simply 10 minutes, this is called the 10-minute rule. Again, this comes from acceptance and commitment therapy, is for 10 minutes explore that sensation. For those 10 minutes, you have two choices; you can either get back to the task at hand, or just sit with that feeling. Once that timer is up and you can use your iPhone even to set a timer very quickly, just as serious at a timer for you for 10 minutes. Once that timer goes off, you can give into that distraction.

99% of the time, by the time that 10 minutes timer goes off, you will have forgotten that sensation. The sensation will have crested and passed away and you won't feel that internal trigger anymore and you'll be on to doing the work you really want to do. That's just one of many, many, many techniques in the book that I use every single day.

[0:38:28.7] MB: Awesome strategies and very, very detailed. Self-compassion is so important and something that's tremendously underrated. People think it's soft. People think it's woo, woo. It doesn't get talked about enough and we've done a couple episodes on it that are awesome that we'll throw to the show notes.

I think it's so important to just underscore that, that self-compassion is really a cornerstone of being a great achiever of achieving your goals of doing it you want to do and correlate of that that you talk about as well in the book is this notion that being self-compassionate, part of that too is when you fail, when you get distracted, it's okay. Getting back on the wagon is more important than just saying, “Oh, I got distracted,” and just giving up and blowing up the whole project.

[0:39:10.3] NE: Right. Absolutely. Absolutely. What we find is that most people fall into two categories. I call them the blamers or the shamers. The blamers say, “Oh, you see it's the technology that's doing it to me. The big bad technology companies are making me get distracted.” Those are the blamers.

The shamers go into this self-talk death spiral of you see, there's something wrong with me. I knew I probably have some obsessive compulsive disorder, or I have a short attention span, or an addictive personality. Look, some people really do have a pathology. There are people out there that do have obsessive-compulsive disorder, or an addiction, or whatever the case might be. Very, very small percentage. We're talking single digit percentages here.

The vast majority of people listening to me right now do not have such disorders and yet, we psych ourselves up. We tell ourselves that somehow we are dysfunctional in some way and the answer is neither of those things. The right answer is not to be a blamer, it's not to be a shamer, it's to realize that these are behaviors and our behaviors can change, if we know how to deal with these internal triggers appropriately in a healthful manner.

[0:40:09.8] MB: I want to come back to something that I've also heard you talk about that I think was really important from a thematic standpoint around the idea of distraction. That's this notion that coming back all the way to what we're talking about the beginning of conversation, the opposite of distraction is action. You have to have proactively, which is one of the I guess, the second pillar now that we're getting into, making time for traction. You have to proactively figure out what do you actually want to achieve. Because if you're getting distracted from nothing, then are you really being distracted at all.

[0:40:43.8] NE: That's exactly right. The way I phrase it as a title of one of the chapters is you can't call something a distraction, unless you know what it distracted you from. We have no right to complain that's something distracted us. If you can't show me on your calendar what it was you wanted to do with your time, right? I used to do this all the time. I used to have a big wide, open calendar and I had put in a big block and I'd say, work. Okay, today I work. Well, that's ridiculous. I used to bind to this myth, as I think many people still do. I call it the myth of the to-do list. That productivity experts tell us if you just put things on a to-do list, magically they'll get done somehow.

I don't know how that works. I don't know where the magic to do fairy exists to get your stuff done. It's ridiculous. Because your to-dos are your outputs. That has nothing to do with your inputs. If I were to ask a baker to bake me a hundred loaves of bread, he would say, “Great. Okay, where are the inputs, right? Where is the flour, where is the yeast, where's the factory, I need the employees,” all this stuff to make the hundred loaves of bread.

We knowledge workers, we don't ask that question. We just take orders from our boss, from our family, from whoever needs us to do stuff in our day and we put long to-do lists. Then most days, half the tasks get shipped over to the next day and the next day and the next day and they never get done. Because you have to put those tasks on your calendar, or they'll never get done.

This is part of this process that I talk about called syncing up with stakeholders, where we need to have this regular check-in with the various stakeholders in our life, starting with ourselves, right? Do you have time on your calendar to live up to your values? I say, you have to turn your values into time.

If I look at your calendar of your week ahead, not the week before, but the week ahead, can I see how you will live up to your values? I'm not telling you what your values should be by the way. If health is a value for you, if taking care of your physical body is important to you, then is that time on your calendar? If taking care of your spiritual health is important to you, is that time on your calendar? Is taking care of your intellectual growth, is that time on your calendar? That has to do with the domain of the you.

The second domain above that is your relationships. Are you making time for the important people in your life? Not just, “Okay, I'll see them when I see them,” but do you have time on your calendars on a regular basis to make sure that you connect with people you love? Your family, your friends, other loved ones, your community members. Is that on your calendar? Then finally when it comes to the workplace, we also have to make time for the important tasks in our day-to-day jobs.

Every knowledge worker I interviewed for this book, when I asked them, is focused work even important to you? Should I even write this book? Every one of them said, absolutely. I have to think. I have to in order to solve problems, come up with novel solutions to difficult problems, I need time to think. So few of us actually have that time on our calendars. We have to turn our values into time and actually put that time on our calendar. Now there's a free tool. I'll give you a link in the show notes. You don’t have to sign up. You don't even have to give me your e-mail. None of that stuff. It's totally free. I just kept getting asked this question of where do I make a weekly template? How do I even do that?

I built this tool that's completely free online. I'll give you in the show notes, where you can make what your ideal weekly template should look like, so that finally, you will know the difference between what is traction, things that are on your calendar, things that you're doing with intent and anything that you're doing that's not on that calendar is distraction. Now by the way, I get this question a lot around well, isn't some distraction good for you? No. Not according to this definition. What I think some people mean is diversion. Diversion can actually be good for you.

For example, if you want to divert your attention and let your brain just wander and relax, or become creative, great. Put time on your calendar to watch Netflix. Put time on your calendar to check Facebook. Put time on your counter to pray, or meditate, or just take a walk. Great. Do those things if they're consistent with your values, but do them on your schedule. In my schedule, every evening I have time to check social media. I love social media. There's nothing wrong with it, but I use it on my schedule, not on the app maker schedule.

[0:44:52.6] MB: Such a great point. I just made a note to myself to start thinking about how I can take everything that's on my to-do list and frame it into discrete blocks on my calendar when I want to be executing those things. It's absolutely, absolutely awesome strategy.

[0:45:07.4] NE: It does take a little bit investment of time. I'll warn you, it took me – the first time I did it, maybe 30 minutes. Then after that, it's only 15 minutes every week. Just to review it and make sure that you're making small adjustments, but a few things have changed my life and made me more productive, much more happy in my day-to-day life, closer to my family and my friends, than this simple act of making time for the things that are important to me on my calendar, down to the minute.

[0:45:29.1] MB: This is actually a lesson I learned from a good buddy of mine, Sebastian Marshall who's a previous guest in the show as well. He talks about there's as you start to measure and do this, there's a value in learning how much you can accomplish in let's say, a 30-minute block. You get better and better at estimating, okay, if I'm going to – I need to do X, well how much time should I really allocate to that? You start to get a lot more intuitive about understanding, okay, that's really going to be a two-and-a-half-hour task, or that's really going to be a 15-minute task, or whatever it might be. There's real value in understanding how productive you can be in a given time period.

[0:46:00.4] NE: Right, right. It only comes from this cycle of looking back at the week that passed, figuring out hey, did I go off-track? Was it enough time? Was it too much, or too little time? Then adjusting your calendar the next week, the template the next week based on what you learned the week before.

[0:46:16.3] MB: Exactly. If you don't measure it and you don't put on your calendar, then it's just going into a black hole and you have no idea what's happening.

[0:46:21.5] NE: That's right. That's exactly right.

[0:46:23.6] MB: We've talked about so many great ideas, concept, strategies, tactics. For listeners who want to concretely implement one thing coming out of this episode, what would be the first action step that you would give them to start becoming indistractable?

[0:46:39.3] NE: Well, I really think it's about this strategy more than any one specific tactic. It's about knowing the next time you get distracted, becoming indistractable, it doesn't mean you never get distracted. It means you know what to do the next time you get distracted, so you don't keep getting distracted by the same thing again and again every day. You can make sure that you can do what you really want to do as opposed to doing what other people want you to do with your time.

Because look, the fact is if you don't plan your day, if you don't know these techniques, there's no doubt that somebody's going to eat up your day, right? Whether it's the tech companies, with their distractions, or the demands of your spouse, or your kids, or your boss, somebody is going to eat up your time, unless you know what you want to do with it to make sure you don't get distracted.

The biggest takeaway are these four key pillars, right? Master your internal triggers, make time for traction, hack back external triggers and prevent distraction with packs. I think a macro theme here that I think is very important to realize is I really want to counteract this myth that I think is perpetuated by some folks in this space, that technology is controlling your brain, because the more I research this idea, one, the research just doesn't bear this out, that addiction, this idea of tech addiction is real for some people, right? People can get addicted to any analgesic is potentially addictive, but it's not the vast majority of us.

For the vast majority of us, it's not addiction. It's maybe overuse. When we call it what it is, which is at times overused, we can begin to take control over it, as opposed to just sloughing off responsibility.

The worst thing you can do is to say to yourself, “Well, there's nothing I can do, because the algorithms are hijacking my brain and they're addictive.” What we're teaching people is essentially learn helplessness, which is actually ironically giving these companies more power and more control than they deserve. The first step is to realize that we do have power, we do have control, we do have agency if we know how to put distraction in its place, we all can become indistractable.

[0:48:36.5] MB: Nir, where can people find you, your work and the book online?

[0:48:40.2] NE: Absolutely. My blog is at nirandfar.com. Nir is spelt like my first name, N-I-R. nirandfar.com. Information about the book Indistractable: How to Control your Attention and Choose Your Life. A book is sold anywhere books are sold. If you do get the book, even if you don't get the book, if you go to indistractable.com, there are all types of resources there. There's an 80-page workbook, there's that distraction tracker I mentioned earlier, there's the schedule maker, all of these tools, many of them free, whether you buy the book or not, all of that is at indistractable.com. That’s I-N-distract-A-B-L-E. Indistractable.com.

[0:49:17.9] MB: Well, Nir. thank you so much for coming back to the show, sharing all this wisdom, insights, ideas, incredible conversations, so many lessons. Thank you so much for joining us once again on the Science of Success.

[0:49:29.4] NE: My pleasure. Thanks so much for having me back.

[0:49:31.8] MB: Thank you so much for listening to the Science of Success. We created this show to help you our listeners, master evidence-based growth. I love hearing from listeners. If you want to reach out, share your story, or just say hi, shoot me an e-mail. My e-mail is matt@successpodcast.com. That’s M-A-T-T@successpodcast.com. I’d love to hear from you and I read and respond to every single listener e-mail.

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Remember, the greatest compliment you can give us is a referral to a friend either live or online. If you enjoyed this episode, please leave us an awesome review and subscribe on iTunes because that helps boost the algorithm, that helps us move up the iTunes rankings and helps more people discover the Science of Success.

Don't forget, if you want to get all the incredible information we talk about in the show, links transcripts, everything we discussed and much more, be sure to check out our show notes. You can get those at successpodcast.com, just hit the show notes button right at the top.

Thanks again, and we'll see you on the next episode of the Science of Success.

August 15, 2019 /Lace Gilger
Focus & Productivity, Decision Making
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Mental Fitness and Creating the Life You Want with Dr. Sasha Heinz

August 08, 2019 by Lace Gilger in Focus & Productivity, Decision Making

Do you know what you should do but you don’t do it? In this episode, we dig into the science behind WHY this happens and HOW exactly you can overcome this massive obstacle. No one’s ever actually stuck, but the reason you FEEL stuck is that what you want, your goals, desires, change you want in your life, etc, are bumping up against an emotional roadblock or subconscious belief. It’s like having one foot on the gas while the other slams down the breaks. In this interview with Dr. Sasha Heinz, we share what you can do to finally overcome that fear and anxiety and transform your life.

Dr. Sasha Heinz is a developmental psychologist and life coach, is an expert in positive psychology, lasting behavioral change, and the science of getting unstuck. She received her BA from Harvard, her Ph.D. in developmental psychology from Columbia, and her master’s in applied positive psychology from the University of Pennsylvania, where she also served as a faculty member.

  • Education is good. Application is better. Transformation is best.

  • Focus on mitigating mental disorders vs focusing on happiness and mental health

  • “The neurotic paradox"

    • You know what to do, yet you’re not doing it

  • Focusing your life around “optimal human functioning”

  • If you aren’t doing something, you aren’t going to see different results.

  • Do you ever know what you SHOULD do, and yet you don’t do it?

  • “The biography of your beliefs” shapes how you think, perceive, and ultimately act in the world.

  • Beliefs —> Emotions —> Actions

  • Your emotional brain is much more powerful than your logical brain

  • Your thoughts create your reality, but there are other factors, namely your emotions.

  • No one’s ever actually stuck, but the reason you FEEL stuck is that what you want (your desire, change, etc) is bumping up against an emotional roadblock or subconscious belief (often from your childhood).

  • Thoughts are just things you picked up from your childhood, from life randomly

  • Are you actively directing and engaging the direction and amplitude of change in your life?

  • If you want to know WHY you’re not moving forward, pay attention to what you’re feeling

  • Your thoughts are totally optional. You have the autonomy to decide what you want to believe about yourself.

  • What’s the difference between a belief and an emotion?

  • “We do all sorts of crazy things to avoid feeling our feelings"

  • Do you ever get sucked into “emotional Novocain:” overeating, over-drinking, over gaming, social media, porn, etc to avoid your feelings?

  • You have to work at both ends of the psychological spectrum simultaneously - healing wounds and trauma, and focusing on optimal human functioning

  • As you start to take better care of your self physically and mentally, it becomes easier to heal trauma and improve

  • Personal development is not a linear process, it’s a geometric or exponential process, small edges and life changes stack together and multiply, every single behavior compounds and works together

  • Do a deep inventory of your current belief systems. What were you taught about yourself? What were you taught about your potential? What did you believe about your health, competence, intelligence, lovability, etc as a child? Conduct a “belief blueprint” of yourself.

  • You have one foot on the gas, that’s your neocortex, and you have one foot on the brake, that’s your emotional cortex saying “that’s way too scary."

  • Often a coach of a psychologist can help you uncover those beliefs and figure out what is making your emotional brain freak out?

  • First, start with an inventory and start identifying the thoughts that are bouncing around in your head.

  • THEN, once you’ve started identifying them, you begin to break them down.

  • It’s very very difficult to capture the thoughts that are driving your emotions and behaviors.

    • You will likely notice the emotion or behavior first.

    • Ask yourself “what am I doing here?"

    • If my BEHAVIOR is a result of my emotions.. and my emotions are a result of my beliefs...

      1. WHY AM I DOING THIS BEHAVIOR?

    • “Woah.. why am I procrastinating?” Why am I doing this?

    • “I'm procrastinating because I’m anxious"

    • What am I thinking that’s generating that anxiety?

  • When you’re doing something you don’t want to do… pause and reflect.. and ask yourself “WHY AM I DOING THIS BEHAVIOR?"

    • ASK: "What am I feeling right now that’s making me do this?"

      1. Because this behavior is because of an emotion. What emotion am I feeling?

      2. Procrastination is almost always some form of anxiety.

      3. What feeling am I trying to MITIGATE with this action?

  • Develop an understanding of what you do when you’re anxious or scared.

  • The action that comes out of negative emotion is very narrow.

    • Fight

    • Flight

    • Freeze

  • Sometimes personal development work is hysterical because the human brain is so irrational

  • You can rationalize anything.. Rational Lies.

  • You believe it, and so you spend your entire life proving it true, to yourself. But it’s not objectively true.

  • So many people cling desperately to their beliefs, regardless of how absurd they are.

  • What is attention bias/confirmation bias?

  • The human brain is always optimizing to:

    • Avoid pain

    • Seek pleasure

    • Conserve energy

  • Managing your mind is the currency of the next generation because our world today requires it to be successful.

  • Now, you can distract yourself infinitely.

  • Ask yourself:

    • What am I doing?

    • What am I feeling?

    • What’s the thought creating that feeling?

  • Become more fluent in your own emotions and experience them. Don’t resist your emotions, just allow them to happen, feel them, and observe them. They last about 90 seconds.

  • Growth and development require uncomfortable emotions.

  • Homework: Make a list of all the things you do to avoid feeling your feelings.

  • Homework: Make a list of the things you do that seem completely bonkers and seem completely contradictory to your goals and desires.

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This week's episode of The Science of Success is presented by Dr. Aziz Gazipura's Confidence University!

You can learn to confidently connect with others, be bold, feel proud of who you are, and create the life you truly deserve!

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Want To Dig In More?! - Here’s The Show Notes, Links, & Research

General

  • Sasha’s Website

  • Sasha’s Instagram and Facebook

Media

  • Career Contessa - “Goal-Setting for Perfectionists (+ Free Goal-Setting Worksheets)” by Dr. Sasha Heinz

  • Goop - “The Disease to Please” by Dr. Sasha Heinz

  • Mindful Magazine - Four Ways to Hack Your Screen Addiction

  • Thrive Global - Why Your New Year’s Resolution Fizzled Out Like Flat Champagne

  • Bustle - 7 Fascinating Ways To Hack Your Brain To Be Less Negative, According To Science

  • [Podcast] Your Kickass Life with Andrea Owen - The Science of Happiness

  • [Podcast] Brand Yourself with Blair Badenhop - Neutralizing Fear to Chase the Dream

  • [Podcast] EmpowerHER - Brain Hacks and the Power of Positive Psychology

  • [Podcast] The Beyond the Food Show with Stephanie Dodier - Recovering from People Pleasing

  • [Podcast] Unmistakable Creative with Srinivas Rao - Taking Human Performance from Good to Great

  • [Podcast] Live Happy Podcast by Live Happy Magazine - Get Unstuck with Dr. Sasha Heinz

  • [Podcast] The Life Coach School Podcast with Brooke Castillo - Lessons Learned from Positive Psychology

  • [Podcast] Unstoppable Success Radio with Kelly Roach - The Power of Positivity with Dr. Sasha Heinz

  • [Podcast] Sarah R. Bagley Podcast - Sasha Heinz on Positive Psychology, Happiness, and Worth

  • [Podcast] Women on the Rise with Lara Dalch - Change Your Thoughts, Change Your Life

  • [Podcast] REAL TALK with Rachel Luna - Why Self Help Books Don’t Help

  • [Podcast] Rich Coach Club with Susan Hyatt - What Does Being “Rich” Mean to You? With Dr. Sasha Heinz

  • [Podcast] The Same 24 Hours with Meredith Atwood - Perfectionism, People-Pleasing, and Positive Psychology

  • [Podcast] The Love Your Life Show with Susie Pettit - Positive Psychology with Dr. Sasha Heinz

Videos

  • NSL Experience: Never Stop Learning - NSL Bites: Sasha Heinz, PhD, Unpacks the Psychology of Happiness

  • NSL Bites: Sasha Heinz, PhD, Talks About the Power of a Growth Mindset

Episode Transcript

[00:00:04.4] ANNOUNCER: Welcome to The Science of Success. Introducing your host, Matt Bodnar.

[0:00:11.8] MB: Welcome to the Science of Success; the number one evidence-based growth podcast on the internet with more than four million downloads and listeners in over a hundred countries.

Do you know what you should be doing and yet you don't do it? In this episode, we dig into the science behind why this happens and how exactly you can overcome this massive obstacle. No one is ever actually stuck, but the reason you feel stuck is because what you want your goals, desires, changes you want to make in your life, etc., are bumping up against an emotional roadblock or subconscious belief. It's like having one foot on the gas while the other is slamming down the brakes. In this interview with Dr. Sasha Heinz, we share what you can do to finally overcome that fear and anxiety and transform your life

I’m going to tell you why you’ve been missing out on some incredibly cool stuff if you haven’t signed up for our e-mail list yet. All you have to do to sign up is to go to successpodcast.com and sign up right on the home page.

On top of tons subscriber-only content, exclusive access and live Q&As with previous guests, monthly giveaways and much more, I also created an epic free video course just for you. It's called How to Create Time for What Matters Most Even When You're Really Busy. E-mail subscribers have been raving about this guide.

You can get all of that and much more by going to successpodcast.com and signing up right on the home page, or by texting the word smarter to the number 44-222 on your phone. If you like what I do on Science of Success, my e-mail list is the number one way to engage with me and go deeper on what I discuss on the show, including free guides, actionable takeaways, exclusive content and much, much more.

Sign up for my e-mail list today by going to successpodcast.com and signing up right on the home page, or if you're on the go, if you're on your phone right now, it's even easier. Just text the word smarter, that's S-M-A-R-T-E-R to the number 44-222. I can't wait to show you all the exciting things you'll get when you sign up and join the e-mail list.

Do you feel you don't have enough time and you're constantly in a state of reacting to external stimulus? How do you conduct a powerful monthly review that will unlock opportunities for growth, focus and improvement?

In our previous episode, we went deep into stacking powerful mental models, harnessing best practices and optimizing your life with our previous guest, Sebastian Marshall. If you want to free up your time and focus on what really matters, check out that interview.

Now for our conversation with Sasha.

[0:03:19.3] MB: Today, we have another exciting guest on the show, Dr. Sasha Heinz. Sasha is a developmental psychologist and life coach and an expert in positive psychology, lasting behavioral change and the science of getting unstuck. She received her BA from Harvard, her PhD in developmental psychology from Columbia and her master's in applied positive psychology from the University of Pennsylvania, where she also served as a faculty member. Sasha, welcome to the Science of Success.

[0:03:44.3] SH: Hi. So happy to be here.

[0:03:46.2] MB: Well, we're super excited to have you on the show today. There's so many different topics that you dig into and talk about that I think will be really relevant for audience. To start out, there's one phrase that I pulled from your website that I thought was great and it was really interesting, which was education is good, application is better, transformation is best. I think that's so true, because so many people and I mean, I think, I know I'm even guilty of this a lot of the times and many podcast listeners probably feel the same way. It's so easy to get stuck in the trap of feeling you're doing something because you're educating yourself and you're learning. Yet, if you don't ever apply anything, does it really even matter? Does it really make a meaningful difference in your life?

[0:04:26.5] SH: right. Oh, yeah. I mean, I say that as a professional student, right? I was a professional student in my life for many, many years. When you do a terminal degree, you're in school for a very long time. I think my interest, obviously my love is positive psychology. To study happiness is it's pretty good work if you can get it. It's really fun to study. When I was teaching at Penn and after I graduated from Penn, it was then got my degree in developmental psych, in what we call in psychology, we call this business –

Well, the positive psychologist call this business as usual psychology. Meaning, that the focus is not on health and well-being, the focus is on mitigating pathology disease disorder, or a dysfunction. It's more in alignment with the Western medical model. When I went to Columbia to study for my doctorate, all of a sudden I felt myself slipping back into some – just not exercising, not sleeping well, all the behaviors that we know optimize our health and well-being. I was in this what we call the neurotic paradox. I know what to do, yet I'm not doing it. Which was so frustrating. I was in this place of thinking, I know more than almost anyone on the planet what makes people happy, what makes people thrive, I study this. Yet, I can't seem to apply it.

Not only did I find that I was struggling with this, but so were my students. They had a theoretical understanding of health and well-being and what we call optimal human functioning and yet, they were struggling with just life and the everyday mundane reality of life. Then I became really interested. My interest shifted more to behavioral change. Wait, what are the roadblocks between – I know what I'm supposed to do and yet, I'm not getting them done.

I think you can use podcasts and reading books, self-help books all that in a way, it's almost an emotional novocaine. It makes you feel better, but you're not doing anything. Yeah, it's an issue, right? How do you actually apply – you're not going to transform your life unless you're doing it, right? Unless you're applying what you know. I think that's where most people find there's a roadblock there for most people.

[0:06:59.3] MB: Yeah, that makes total sense. I love the idea of the neurotic paradox, right? That's a great quote. I don't know if that's actually from the researcher you just coined that phrase, but either way, it's a great –

[0:07:08.8] SH: No, no, no. I didn't make that up. It's a psychological term.

[0:07:11.9] MB: Oh, nice. Even better. Okay, cool.

[0:07:14.1] SH: If you think about it, it’s something that's just been talked about for thousands of years. There's nothing new under the sun. This is a human condition of I know not to yell at my kids and yet, I'm doing it anyway, right? I know that doesn't help and yet, I can't – I'm not responding to them calmly. I know that getting to bed earlier makes me feel better tomorrow and yet, it's midnight and I'm watching something on Netflix, right? Or scrolling Instagram. It's death by a thousand cuts in our life, right? It's these little things that add up to a really messy, chaotic life.

[0:07:51.6] MB: I want to dig into this question more, because it's so prevalent it's such a major challenge. I mean, if you think about it, it's almost never – you had another great phrase, optimal human functioning. I really like that as well. Is almost never a question of getting more information, or finding this new secret hack that you've never heard of before, that if you just do this one tiny little thing, it's going to change your whole life. It's almost always about just executing the basics, executing the fundamentals, getting more sleep, exercising, maybe meditating, things like that. Yet, most people know that and they don't do it. Why not?

[0:08:28.2] SH: Well, a number of reasons. I mean, I think first of all, you have to understand the biography of your belief systems, right? You have to understand, because the way that your brain works is you have a thought, right? There's events in your life, facts. I call them facts with my clients. Or just the facts like, “I'm 40.” Where you live? Are you married? Do you have kids? What happened that day? Did someone cut you off in traffic and whatever? Did you get a flat tire today? Whatever is happening. Those are just the facts. They're all neutral. All of them.

The facts of our life then trigger a belief. Your past is fact, things that happen to you, they trigger belief, right? The beliefs that you have then created your emotions so whatever your beliefs are, create your emotions, and then your emotions then generate action. What most people don't realize is that they're like, your beliefs matter. Yes, they matter a lot, because they create this whole cascade of effects, right?

What's really important is that your beliefs create an emotion. The emotion is what's motivating the action. The absolute core of it is your emotion. Your thoughts only matter because they create your emotions. If you're thinking things all day long that make you anxious and stressed and worried, right? All of your actions are going to be generated from those emotions. When you're wanting to change, right? It's your neocortex, your higher functioning brain is saying like, “Yes, I sincerely desperately want to change this.”

There's other parts of your brain that unfortunately are your emotional brain is it's much more powerful than your logical brain. It's just the way that human brains are designed and they've evolved to be. Your emotional brain is much more powerful. If your emotional brain is like, “Yeah, but that sounds really scary. I don't know about that. That's unfamiliar. No, thank you.” You are going to be in that churn cycle of like, “I really want to do it and yet I'm not,” right? Which is you feel you're constantly in Groundhog's Day. What you really need to be working on is the emotional piece of it, which is challenging for most people. Most people do not want to sit in their negative emotions. No, thanks.

[0:10:50.7] MB: Yeah. That's a great insight. Unpacking that, or rephrasing it so that I understand it clearly. The idea is that and I also really, really like that phrase, the biography of your beliefs, your belief structures about the world, about the events that have happened in your past etc., shape the way that you perceive the world. If you're stuck in a cycle of whether it's self-sabotage, or knowing what you should be doing and yet you're not doing it, the first place to start and the best place to really begin that investigation is what are my belief structures? How are my emotions impacting this and how can I start to unpack these things, so that I can create a path to move forward?

[0:11:31.1] SH: I think the main point is we live in a culture now that I think people are beginning to understand, “Oh, your thoughts matter. Your thoughts are really important. Your thoughts create your reality. Indeed, they do.” There are mediators. I really believe that the mediator, your emotion is the main mediator. That's really what matters, right? The reason you feel stuck, no one's ever actually stuck, because we're always developing and evolving and growing, but the reason you feel stuck is because you're what you want, you're yearning, or your desire, or the change you want to make is bumping up against an emotion. That emotion, the roadblock of that emotion, whether it's anxiety, or fear, or doubt, or insecurity, right? That's created by some underlying belief system that you probably picked up as a kid, that you may not even be conscious of.

The reasons that your thoughts matter is not – because your thoughts are just made up sentences in your brain. They're all made up. All of our thoughts are. They don't really matter, but the reason that we want to pay attention to what your thoughts are is because they create our emotions. Once you begin to see thoughts in this way where you’re like, “Oh, thoughts are just things I picked up.” It's like there was a grab-bag of beliefs that I could have picked up as a kid and I picked up these ones. When you begin to realize that they're optional, that's when your life begins to change.

[0:12:59.0] MB: Yeah. That's another great insight. I love this notion that nobody's ever actually stuck, but yet it really feels like you're stuck.

[0:13:07.1] SH: Yes. Really feels like you're stuck. It absolutely can feel you're stuck, but no one's – you're always in a process of change. The question is are you actively engaging in directing that change, or are you just passively a bystander, right? You feel your life is happening to you and you're not actively participating in it. To be in terms of your mental fitness and thinking about creating life you want, what you want to be doing is actively engaging in this process of change, right? That's the critical thing is figuring, is really getting to know your emotions.

The litmus test of your understanding what your beliefs are. If you want to know why you're not moving forward, pay attention to what you're feeling, right? Like, “Oh, I feel really anxious. Okay, wait. What's the thought that I've picked up that's creating that anxiety? I'm not smart enough. not competent enough, right? I don't have enough education,” or whatever the thought that you picked up over the years.

then you begin to realize like, “Oh, those thoughts are actually just totally optional. This is then that becomes the work,” right? The work is as an adult, you realize you have the autonomy to decide what you want to believe about yourself, right? That your thoughts are actually quite flexible, right? That your thoughts really matter. The reason that your thoughts matter is because they activate own emotion and the emotion is what's generating your action.

There's this little sneaky little mediator and it's called emotions. You got to get that figured out. That's what I think when people get stuck in this place of in the self-help world, where they're like, “Wait, I'm saying all these new beliefs to myself. I'm doing all these affirmations and I am trying to put on a new belief system, but they don't really believe it, so the emotion is not their, right?” Then they're not really seeing any transformation and change, so it feels it's not working, right? Because your thoughts aren't actually what create your actions, it's the emotion that creates your actions.

[0:15:07.4] MB: Yeah, that totally makes sense.

[0:15:09.1] SH: That’s how it works.

[0:15:10.3] MB: That totally makes sense. I want to dig into the process of how do we actively engage in changing our thoughts and beliefs and emotions. Before we do, I want to unpack a little bit more this relationship between emotions and beliefs. Because sometimes I think they can be used synonymously, but they're distinct, they're different. Tell me, what's the distinction between an emotion versus a belief and how do they interact with each other?

[0:15:36.0] SH: Well, I mean, I think they're directly related, right? Because your belief is what's going to generate the emotion, right? It creates this chemical cascade that creates that sensation in your body, right? That feeling of like, “Ooh, I feel sad. I feel anxious. I feel elated and joyful,” right? Those are physical feelings that are generated by your thoughts, right? With the exception of well, even physical pain, right? There is a signal that's going to your brain and your brain is telling you this is painful.

Your beliefs are generating your emotions always, but the thing is so wild right, is that we do all sorts of crazy things to avoid feeling our feelings. Most of this entire process for most people, like 90% of this is unconsciously happening.

[0:16:27.8] MB: Yeah. I feel so many people in today's world and probably throughout history, but in today's world, especially I meet and interact with so many people who aren't even aware of this iceberg under the surface, all the subconscious feelings, thoughts, beliefs, things that are interacting with the way that they think and feel and behave in the world. How do you start to peel back the layers? How do you start to engage with those emotions?

Because as you said, we'll do all kinds of crazy stuff to avoid feeling our emotions and whether that's impulsively turning to things like social media, or all kinds of hedonic pursuits. I see so many people that I feel they're trapped, or they're stuck, or they don't even realize what's happening beneath the surface. How do you start to crack through that, or blast apart the fog and help them see what's really going on?

[0:17:17.7] SH: Right. I mean, it's interesting, right? We live in a world now where we have so much more access to what I call emotional novocaine. overeating, over-drinking, over-shopping, overspending, porn, Instagram, social media, we have all these ways of just numbing out and avoiding being present. By the way, it can come in some very innocuous ways, like listening to an audiobook with the earbud in your ear while other stuff is going on, right? Just to not be present.

You have to consciously engage in this process now, because if you live 300 years ago, these options weren't available to you, right? You didn't have a pantry full of food to go squirrel away at if you were feeling a negative emotion. You didn't have liquor stores everywhere. That just didn't exist. Forget the internet, right? It's a rabbit hole for people. I think it requires a lot of consciousness to disengage with it. I used to think of things in a more linear way. It was like, okay heel the –

If you're thinking about your mental health on a spectrum and about negative 10 is you've got psychological dysfunction and personality disorders and addiction and problems right? On the negative end of the spectrum. Then you get healthier and then you get to zero and then you move on to the let's work on flourishing and cultivating mental health and well-being. That's on the positive end the spectrum and you linearly, like you're moving up this ladder, so to speak right? To your mental health. You can think about it in medical terms, right? Or with your physical health like, “Okay, I've got cancer on the negative end of the spectrum.” Then you move into okay, positive end of the spectrum is physical fitness, building muscle, getting healthier, eating well nutrition, getting super fit.

I used to think of it with your mind and your mental health, the same linear structure. I'd really don't think that's the way it works at all. I think you got to work on both ends of the spectrum at the same time. Everybody has experienced some trauma in their life. If trauma is something less than nurturing, everybody on the planet has experienced some trauma. It's a part of the human experience. Everybody has wounds that they need to heal from. The thing that is so interesting is that as you get healthier, and as you clean up your life right? you stopped over drinking, or you start eating more healthfully, or you start sleeping better, and so you feel better, this interesting thing happens.

The wounds, the trauma, the difficult things, the negative belief systems that are maybe very pervasive in your life, they become easier to access and to deconstruct and work through, because you're on a more stable foundation. I find that they happened together. As you're working on your mental health and you're getting your feeling physically feeling better and taking better care of yourself, it becomes easier to work through family of origin stuff and things that happened to you and heal those wounds. It becomes this exponential growth, right? Because you're healing thinks as you're also augmenting things at the same time.

[0:20:51.6] MB: Yeah, that's a great point. Definitely something that I've experienced personally as well that it's almost like a compounding effect, where these factors start to really stack together and multiply. You start to see some really massive acceleration in your emotional intelligence and self-awareness and all these other things, if you start to really do this work while simultaneously taking better care of yourself. Every little edge you can get, stacking them all together. As you said, it's not a linear result, but it's a geometric or an exponential result when you do that.

[0:21:26.9] SH: Yeah, because as you start to develop your life and moving towards your most valued self, the person you want to be, it becomes easier for you. You're more able to access like, “Oh, wow. I see how I develop that belief as a kid. I couldn't even go there. That was way too hard for me to even look at that.” As you start to feel more stable and as you start to feel you're positively developing in your life, the interesting thing is that you actually can go deeper, I think, in terms of healing yourself. I really realized it's not a linear progression like, “Okay, I'm going to heal my wounds and then I'm going to start working towards the life I want.” No, it's all going to happen at the same time.

[0:22:11.3] MB: I want to start to go deeper and more concrete about how to specifically implement and execute some of these things. For somebody who's listening to this interview that's thinking to themselves, “Okay, yes. I know there's a lot of things I should be doing, but I'm not doing them.” What are the starting points? What are some of the things they can begin with to implement these ideas?

[0:22:30.5] SH: Well, I mean, I think a great place to start is doing a deep inventory of what is your current belief systems around what were you taught about yourself as a child? What do you believe about your potential? Being very honest about it. Really looking at what do I believe about my health? What do I believe about my competence and my intelligence? My love ability, how lovable you are, or you're just a very broad over – I call it belief blueprint, right?

This the design of a house, you're really being honest about those things, because what you'll begin to uncover is like, “Oh, wow. I want to be successful and I want to make more money and I have this belief that I'll never make a certain amount.” You might have a ceiling on a belief, right? Then you would see it and you're like, “Oh, my God.” The first place is to start looking at where did I pick that up? Where did I learn this idea and pick that up in my life?

I think it’s really – the great place to start is understanding that there's – you have one foot on the gas and that's your neocortex like, “Yes, this is the life I want.” Then you have one foot on the brake and that's your limbic system, your emotional brain saying like, “No, that's way too scary,” right? That's that horrible feeling of I'm revving the gas. I've got my foot on the brake and I'm not going anywhere, but I'm expending a ton of energy, not a great feeling.

A great place to start is really – I think it helps having a coach, or a psychologist, so somebody's helping you uncover what are those beliefs that are making that emotional brain freak out, right? What are the foundational beliefs that make you want to dig your heels and then say, “Yeah, we're not doing that.”

[0:24:20.3] MB: It’s a perfect analogy, because this notion of your neocortex, or your conscious experience of your thinking brain basically saying, “I want to improve. I want to grow. I want to do this. I want to do that.” Yet simultaneously, your subconscious is just mashing the brakes and trying to desperately stop you from doing this, because of some belief that could be from 20 plus years ago, embedded in your subconscious that is causing you to be scared about something. It's really hard to uncover those sometimes.

[0:24:49.2] SH: For example, I had a client who was starting a business. All the things are in alignment and there's no reason why it's not going to be successful. It was on its way to really doing well. Then there was all this self-sabotage going on. It was like, “What is this about?” As we were doing the work, what we uncovered was that her father had had a business that had done really, really well and then he sold it and started a second business and the second business was a total flop.

In her mind, this was her second act that was going to be a flop. Even though she was very excited about it, she's really motivated, she wanted – so her conscious brain really wanted to go after it. Her subconscious brain was like, “Do not do this, because this is going to be a faceplant, like your dad had a faceplant.” As a child, right? She experienced this as a kid watching this happen. It feels obviously even more intense when you experience that as a kid, because you don't have – your brain isn't fully developed and you don't know how to understand it in the right context.

She had this unconscious processing that was like, “Hey, we're not doing this,” which came out on all these weird, seemingly bizarre like, “Why would I do that? Why would I sabotage myself? Why would I procrastinate on that? Why would I not get this done? Why would I blow off this opportunity, right?” It seems so maddening, because it doesn't actually make sense. Then when you get to the root of it you're like, “No, it actually makes a lot of sense,” because you think you're going to have a professional face plant like your father did, his second act as a entrepreneur and that's scary to you, right?

The first place is just identifying it. Then it's about questioning all those thoughts, right? All of those thoughts are made up. It's completely irrational that the thing that happened to her dad is going to happen to her different business, different era. Everything is different, right? Why would they be the same? Why would those two situations happen in the same way? It's very unlikely, right? That doesn't matter. Her 13-year-old brain picked that up.

[0:27:01.6] MB: Hey, I'm here real quick with confidence expert Dr. Aziz Gazipura to share a lightning round insight with you. Dr. Aziz, how can people say no more often and stop people-pleasing?

[0:27:14.9] AG: This is not only important to figure out how to do, but to start practicing immediately, because most people don't realize their anxiety, their stress, their overwhelm is often a result of not saying no. Here are some quick tips on how to start doing that. First of all, imagine right now in your life where would you benefit from saying no? Where do you feel overloaded, pressured, overwhelmed, even if intellectually you're telling yourself you should tune into your heart, tune into your body, where do you feel? “I don't want to.” Start paying attention to that. Start honoring that.

The next tip is to imagine saying no and then notice how you feel, because you're probably going to feel all kinds of good stuff, right? Guilt, fear, what are they going to think? I don't want to let this person down. What you want to do is before you go say no to them, you want to work through that. You want to address that you want to get out on paper, “Can I say this? Why can't I say this? What's stopping me from doing this?” Do a little prep work, so you can really just practice it.

Then the third and most important step, of course is going to be to go say no. Start saying no liberally. Start saying no regularly. In fact, after listening to this, find an opportunity today to say no. Because the more you do it like anything else, like any sub-skill of confidence, the more you do it, the easier will become and the freer you'll become in your life.

[0:28:31.8] MB: Do you want the confidence to say no and boldly ask for what you deserve? Sign up for Dr. Aziz's Confidence University by visiting successpodcast.com/confidence. That's successpodcast.com/confidence and start saying no today.

[0:28:52.9] MB: It's fascinating too, because I like the framework that you just presented, which was the idea of starting with an inventory of these thoughts. Then once you've collected them, going through a process to break them down, even step one seems logical, seems obvious, seems relatively straightforward, is actually really hard work. You need to take some meaningful steps to start to do that, whether it's a tool and this is my own experience and I'm curious what yours has been. For me, things like meditation help to start to build that listening device inside of your head, where you can actually hear what you're thinking and saying to yourself. Because without something like that, you never have the ability to capture those thoughts when they happen in the moment, or something else as you mentioned things like coaching therapy, etc., helped put a mirror up to that and you can start to pull out and see some of those thought and behavior patterns.

[0:29:46.5] SH: Oh, absolutely. It's very, very difficult to capture the thought that's driving your emotions and behavior in real-time. It's very hard. What I would say to my client is you're going to notice either the emotion, or more likely the behavior first, right? You're going to be way down the rabbit hole of surfing the web and be like, “Wait, what am I doing? Right? I am supposed to be working on something else.” You'll notice the behavior first. Like, “Wait, what am I doing here?” Then that's the perfect moment to say like “Okay, if my behavior is a result of my emotions and my emotions are a result of my belief, let's work backwards and figure out what I'm thinking that's creating this action,” right? That sounds very laborious and to some degree it is, but it becomes a practice.

You catch yourself procrastinating on something and then you have that moment of pause like, “Okay, wow, wow, wow. I'm procrastinating. Why?” Right? “Oh, I'm feeling anxious. Ooh, didn't realize I was feeling anxious, but I'm totally feeling anxious, which is why I'm distracting myself with inane stuff on reading nonsense on the internet. Okay, wait. What am I telling myself right now that's making me feel anxious?” Right? It actually takes 30 seconds to do this.

Just that process of it's a mindfulness practice really, but it's just a process of stopping and saying, “Wait a minute.” Reverse engineering it back to the thought like, “What am I thinking that's generating this whole cascade of effects?” Then you might realize like, “Oh, my thought is –” let's say you're writing a piece, or something and your thought is like, “My writing is hackneyed. Someone said this before. This isn’t original. It's not as good as so-and-so.” You'll begin to see, “Oh, those are the thoughts,” right?

Then if you peel it back, you might find that, “Oh, there is this underlying thought that I'm not smart enough. Whoa, where did that come from,” right? You may even be aware of it, and so once you become aware of it you're like, “Oh, that's my story that I'm not smart enough.” Then you can get better at just allowing that belief to be there and still taking the action, right? That's the next step of the practice is recognizing like, “Oh, there is my story that I learned when I was 10 that I'm not smart enough and I'm just going to allow it to be there, because I made it up. It felt true.”

The funny thing is it's always really – I mean, this work is hysterical, because our brains are so irrational. I mean, the thing that's so funny is that my clients will argue to the hilt that they're right? No, I'm really not smart enough. Let me tell you why. The only thing that's happened here is that you picked up this thought as a child and then you've just confirmed it over the years, because that's how your brain works, right? We call it attention bias, cognitive bias, confirmation bias, all the same thing. It's just the way your brain works. What you believe, you are biased to prove right.

When someone's like, “Yeah, but I have so much evidence that I'm not smart enough.” I'm like, “Right, because you believe that and you just spent your entire life proving that true to yourself, but it's not actually true.” On what objective scale are we actually measuring that? There isn't even any academic consensus on how do we actually measure intelligence. There's your G, your G score, your general IQ, but there's a lot of other voices in the field saying like “Wait a minute, there's other kinds of intelligence that aren't reflected in an IQ test,” right? I think everyone is who lives life would be like, “Right, that's true. There are many forms of being bright, or being intelligent, or being competent.”

Once you start to question these beliefs, they don't ring true. There's not much veracity there. You have to be you have to be willing to engage in the process of questioning them. I mean, so many of my clients hold on to their beliefs. I would tell them, I'm like, “You're like Gollum in Lord of the Rings, right? You're holding on my precious. You don't want to let them go,” right? You're like, “No, I'm really not smart enough,” and it's destroying you and yet, you don't want to let it go. It's crazy.

[0:33:57.1] MB: So many good insights. The notion that asking yourself, if you're doing something you don't want to be doing and you're in the middle of that behavior, just pausing for a moment and reflecting and asking, “Why am I doing this?”

[0:34:11.4] SH: The question to ask this not just why am I doing this, because I think that's people will answer, “I have no idea.” That's what most people would answer, “I don't know. I don't know why I'm doing this.” The question that I would suggest asking yourself is what am I feeling right now that's making me do? This this behavior is because of an emotion. I'm doing this behavior because of an emotion I'm feeling. What's the emotion I'm feeling? If it's procrastination, I would say yeah, fairly likely it's some variety of anxiety. Fear, anxiety, worry, right? Those are the negative emotions, it's called the thought action repertoire. Essentially with a negative emotion, the action that comes out of a negative emotion is very narrow. You feel fear, you're going to do a few very specific actions, right? You're going to fight, flight, or freeze. That's it. There's really not much else you're going to do.

You're not going to self-reflect if you're feeling fear. That's not going to happen. Normally, you can start to – you can catch on to yourself pretty quickly like, “Oh, yeah. This is what I do when I'm feeling anxious, or oh, right. This is what I do when I'm feeling scared.” You can begin to pay attention to these patterns and you can begin to – you're onto yourself. That's always the question I would ask is wait, when you're doing something that you don't want to be doing, it's like, “What am I feeling that this action is trying to mitigate that feeling?” Right? Then the question is what am I feeling? Is it fear, anxiety, stress, boredom, loneliness? Then you get better at recognizing your specific patterns.

[0:35:49.8] MB: Yeah, that's a great framework and super helpful. You made another really interesting point a minute ago, which is this notion around rationalization, right? How the human brain is incredibly irrational and yet, we can rationalize really almost anything to ourselves, regardless of how absurd it is and then start stacking up evidence, so that we believe it whether it's a belief about ourselves, a belief about other people, belief about the world, etc. One of my favorite little play on words is just to turn the word rationalize into the word rational lies.

[0:36:21.4] SH: Ooh, I love that.

[0:36:22.9] MB: That always helps me start to – every time I'm rationalizing something and I'm sure there's millions of times when I don't even realize this, but whenever I catch myself rationalizing something, I always try to break that down and say, “Hold on a second. How am I BS’ing myself here?”

[0:36:34.6] SH: Oh, absolutely. I mean, this is just the way your brain is – it's just the way that your brain is wired, right? This is what we call like as I said, attention bias or confirmation bias. They've done a lot of studies on this that show they look at a group of smokers and non-smokers and they have everyone read a study on smoking. On the follow-up, they were asked to recall what they had read and the smokers remembered the flaws of the study and the non-smokers remembered the findings, because the findings were smoking, shocker, so a case bad for you.

In any research study, they're always going to describe the flaws, right? There's not a single research study that doesn't have some problem with it, right? Not perfect. The smokers, they were like a heat-seeking missile to trying to find evidence that what they're doing isn't that bad for them, right? A nonsmoker isn't invested in that. A nonsmoker is invested in yeah, smoking is not good for you. I'm right.

When they do studies like this, it's really fascinating to see depending on what your belief going into it is, determines what you remember about what you just read. I mean, think about this in terms of our political system, right? It’s like, yeah, you see how it bifurcates and how we have such a partisan world right now. Well, right. That's your brain is wired to do that. It's difficult for your brain to do the other thing, which is approach something more neutrally and look at something objectively. That's difficult for us.

[0:38:08.7] MB: You brought up a really interesting point in the pre-show that we were talking about that this directly relates to, which is this notion that there's many different ways and you just gave a great example of it, that our brains basically short-circuit, or go haywire in modern society. Tell me a little bit more about that.

[0:38:28.2] SH: Well, I mean, we want to always conserve energy, right? That's what the human brain wants to do. We want to conserve energy. We want to avoid pain and we want to seek pleasure. It's the emotional triad. We live in a world where that's really easy to do. Corporations put billions of dollars into research and development to take advantage of the motivational triad. How do we make things as easy as possible, as pleasurable as possible, right? It becomes very difficult for our brain to not gravitate towards those things, right?

Okay, I'm going to buy something at a convenience store that has lots of fat, has lots of sugar, calorie dense. Your brain is all over that, right? Because it's like, “Oh, I don't have to work hard to fuel my body.” Yes, that was very adaptive a thousand years ago, but not now. Not when you have [inaudible 0:39:27.5] options in front of you. It's actually very maladaptive nowadays, because of the way that we live.

If you're in a hunter-gatherer society and you're – I mean, which is the way that human beings have been for most of history, the way we live is very new, very modern. If you're even in a agricultural society, same thing, which is finding food and putting something on the table takes an enormous amount of energy. It's hard. A calorie dense food that's going to give you a lot of fat a lot of nutrition, a lot of calories easily, yeah, you're adapted to want to have that. We live in a world where all of this is very accessible to us, and so we're required to be conscious in a way that I don't think that any other generation has had to do.

For the first generation, maybe the second generation, that's had to motivate itself to move. That's crazy. We're in a brave new world of having to managing your mind in my opinion is going to be the currency of the next generation, because we live in a world that requires it.

[0:40:34.9] MB: Even something as simple as social media, right? Or the news, etc., those are such dangerous things in today's world, because they're essentially engineered to hijack your brain.

[0:40:49.3] SH: Oh, yeah. The people that design it essentially say that, right? We created this to make you want to stay on it, right? To have eyeballs on this as long as we possibly can. That's how we designed it, right? We know enough about the way your brain works that we know how to get the dopamine hits, right? Your brain is like, “Yes. More and more and more.” It requires consciousness to live today in a way that this is a really new challenge. It's a really new challenge for human beings. I mean, I think it's an interesting challenge to solve, but it requires a lot of consciousness. Because you can distract yourself now, you can distract yourself all day.

[0:41:30.1] MB: How do we in a world of infinite distraction where our brains are constantly being hijacked, what are some of the beginning steps to start to cultivate more awareness, more mindfulness, more peace, more understanding of ourselves?

[0:41:48.0] SH: I think that using that mindfulness tool of figuring out like, “Wait, what am I doing asking myself, what's the emotion I'm feeling?” Then one more step back would be, “Okay, what's the thought that's creating this emotion?” Just that little pause just to wake you up. You're scrolling Instagram and then the question is like, “Wait a minute. What am I doing? What's the emotion I'm feeling? Is it boredom? Is it anxiety, right?” It's just you're in that trance of scrolling. Pausing and just what's the emotion I'm feeling? What's the thought that's creating that emotion? Just waking yourself up I think is incredibly helpful.

Another thing I think is an important thing to do too is becoming more fluent in your emotions. Part of that means just being willing to experience your emotions. There's emerging research that shows that emotions are really only experienced if you don't resist them and you just allow them to roll over you. It’s like I was surfing a wave. You're just going to allow your emotion to happen and just observe it and feel it. They last about 90 seconds. Anything that you want to achieve, anything that you want to do, growth and development are going to require uncomfortable emotions. That's the deal. There's no way around it.

Becoming more fluent in your emotions and being more willing to sit in those emotions and experience like, “Ooh, I'm feeling anxiety. I'm just going to let myself feel anxiety and pay attention to it. Where am I feeling it in my body?” Allow it to roll over you. It's going to last on average about 90 seconds, which is unbelievable how short that is.

I think about anxiety all the time, because I think I'm wired more to be on the anxious end of things. I think goodness gracious. Thinking about my 50s vocabulary, but think about all the things that you do to avoid feeling anxious all day. Nuts. All day long, right? People hate feeling anxious, because it doesn't feel good. That fluttery, your palms are sweaty, or whatever. Just does not feel good. You feel a little bit out of your body. We do all these things to avoid feeling anxious. If you just allow yourself to have a moment of anxiety, it really is just that. It's just a moment. It's two minutes. Less than two minutes.

I think that that's when you begin to realize, “Oh, if I can just allow myself to feel this feeling and don't engage in this emotional novocaine behavior to avoid these feelings, oh, then I'm going to be moving towards the life I really want.” That's the cost of admission.

[0:44:27.3] MB: Yeah, that's a great quote as well. growth and development requires uncomfortable emotions, right? You have to push into those.

[0:44:33.8] SH: Have to.

[0:44:35.0] MB: If you're not, if you're hiding from them, you're going to be trapped in a cycle of self-sabotage and repeating the same mistakes and failures over and over again.

[0:44:42.4] SH: Yeah. Don't kid yourself. That's also incredibly painful too. It's just a more familiar discomfort. You're either going to be passively feeling discomfort, or your familiar discomfort, or you're going to be on purposely feeling discomfort and moving towards your most valued self and the goals that you want to achieve, right? I mean, when I’m working with clients, I'm like, “Hey, it's a hard sell, right? I want you to have the life you really want. What I'm selling you on is feeling pretty crappy. It's not going to feel amazing in the interim, right? It's going to feel uncomfortable, scary, frightening, right? It’s like you're going to feel you're jumping off a cliff.”

[0:45:25.2] MB: Yeah, I completely agree. I think in many ways, that's why so few people truly walk down the path of self-awareness and emotional intelligence and really digging into all these challenges.

[0:45:38.5] SH: Definitely, because it’s like, okay, here's your option. I can distract myself on my phone, or I can sit with feeling anxiety for two minutes, right? I mean, logically it's like, well, duh, obviously just sit with anxiety for two minutes and then go on doing what you want to actually want to do. In the moment, your brain is like, “No way. Way rather just put my head in my phone and distract myself.” The better you get it interrupting that habit, the better.

[0:46:10.1] MB: You shared a number of different strategies, tactics, things listeners can execute and implement in their lives. If there's one of the things you talked about today that you want someone to do as a piece of homework to begin implementing some of these ideas, where can they start as soon as they finish listening to this interview, or today, or tomorrow to begin this journey?

[0:46:30.1] SH: I think that the first thing I would say is to start to pay attention and make a list of all the things that you do to avoid feeling your feelings. Let me put it another way, which is what are the things that you do that seem completely bonkers? You have very clear goals, you have clear values, you know who you want to be. Yet, you do all of these things that seem completely contradictory. It's like times negative one, right? They don't make any sense. They're moving in the opposite direction.

Just take an inventory of what are those behaviors, right? Whether it's I really want to be fit and healthy and I blow off going to the gym. Put that down, right? It's writing an inventory, like what are the things I'm doing that are sabotaging the goals that I have for myself and who I actually want to be? How I want to show up in the world. Looking at those behaviors, like what are you doing? What are you not doing? Make an honest list of those things. Then looking at that, what is the emotion, right? What's the emotion that's motivating those? Just start there. What's the emotion that's motivating those behaviors?

[0:47:47.1] MB: Great piece of advice and great starting step. I think that's really, really good. Sasha, where can listeners find you and your work online?

[0:47:56.8] SH: On my website. They can find me at drsashaheinz, so D-R-S-A-S-H-A-H-E-I-N-Z.com. Then on Instagram same handle, so @drsashaheinz, S-A-S-H-A-H-E-I-N-Z. That's on Instagram. I'm on Facebook reluctantly. I don't really have much of a presence on Facebook. I'm mostly on Instagram. You can follow my beliefs that I have that I'm trying to – I think of it like, you’re a child of the 80s, so I think the Kool-Aid commercials, like the Kool-Aid man is jumping through the paper or whatever. You burst through. I think about that with our beliefs. It's like, what are the beliefs that are on my list of these are just things that I picked up over time? I'm not good at this. I'm not good enough with that. It's just the way that I am. What are those beliefs?

Then just I think, one of the things I love to do in my life and I feel it's my reason to be, it's look at those beliefs and then which one of them do I want to bust through? Instead of a New Year's resolution. It's what belief system do I want to completely obliterate?

[0:49:09.4] MB: Great feedback. Great advice once again. Sasha, thank you so much for coming on the show, for sharing all this wisdom, all this knowledge, fascinating conversation, tons and tons of great insights into how to dig into your own beliefs and thoughts and emotions and what might be holding you back. Thank you so much for joining us today.

[0:49:28.9] SH: My gosh, thank you for letting me geek out on this. So fun.

[0:49:32.5] MB: Thank you so much for listening to the Science of Success. We created this show to help you our listeners, master evidence-based growth. I love hearing from listeners. If you want to reach out, share your story, or just say hi, shoot me an e-mail. My e-mail is matt@successpodcast.com. That’s M-A-T-T@successpodcast.com. I’d love to hear from you and I read and respond to every single listener e-mail.

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Remember, the greatest compliment you can give us is a referral to a friend either live or online. If you enjoyed this episode, please leave us an awesome review and subscribe on iTunes because that helps boost the algorithm, that helps us move up the iTunes rankings and helps more people discover the Science of Success.

Don't forget, if you want to get all the incredible information we talk about in the show, links transcripts, everything we discussed and much more, be sure to check out our show notes. You can get those at successpodcast.com, just hit the show notes button right at the top.

Thanks again, and we'll see you on the next episode of the Science of Success.

August 08, 2019 /Lace Gilger
Focus & Productivity, Decision Making
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The 2 Most Important Things You Need To Do To Be Successful with Sebastian Marshall

August 01, 2019 by Lace Gilger in Focus & Productivity

Do you feel like you don’t have enough time and you’re constantly in a state of reacting to external stimulus? How do you conduct a powerful monthly review that will unlock opportunities for growth, focus, and improvement? In this episode, we go deep into stacking powerful mental models, harnessing best practices, and optimizing your life with our guest Sebastian Marshall.

Sebastian Marshall is an author, entrepreneur, and founder of Ultraworking.com. His blog SebastianMarshall.com has been read by over half a million people from a wide range of industries and walks of life. At Ultraworking, Sebastian helps those who are already tremendously productive take even greater leaps and get more done in record time

  • How do you take things apart and learn what makes them tick?

  • What stops people from applying ideas and techniques that they know, understand, and would help them?

  • How do you learn about any topic that is interesting to you?

  • How do you follow the ancient wisdom of “know thyself"

  • The problem of losing weight is not a problem of lack of information - it’s a problem of something else stopping you - this can be applied to anything

  • This idea of how to think, how to make decisions - if you want to lose weight - people spend 99% of their time trying to get the perfect bit of information and the perfect strategy, if you just took something that was “Good enough” - you could get 90% of the way there with extremely simple tactics - but I the big barrier to that is that people often don’t know how to THINK

  • When you’re trying to create ANY result - you have to begin with studying some of the best practices

  • When you’re trying to learn, beginners want basic rules to follow

  • Very advanced people tend to operate on heuristics instead of rigid rules

  • What are mental models and why are they important?

  • The Most Successful People typically do 2 things in any field

    • Study and Find Best practices, apply those first

    • Do short term, inexpensive, low-risk experiments

  • 3 Kinds of Work

    • Value Producing Work

    • Non-Value Producing Work

    • Waste - any unnecessary movement

  • What do you do when you hear something really interesting that makes you a little smarter?

  • How do you apply interesting ideas and mental models concretely in your life?

  • Monthly reviews are a critical framework for productive and effective thinking

  • I don’t know anyone with a successful, complex life who doesn’t have regular routines or intervals of introspection

  • If you’re not putting in an hour a week to analyze and journal

  • If you’re ambitious, its an emergency if you’re not studying your life, seeing where your time is going, and don’t have a regular “contemplative routine” to analyze and study your life

  • The 3 question weekly review that will revolutionize your time and priorities:

    • What's really going on?

    • So what do I do about it?

    • What matters; what doesn’t?

  • Do you want to be a piano playing, marathon running, astronaut business owner?

  • Starting with big, aspirational goals can actually be dangerous or problematic

  • If you want to take on any big goal and succeed, you have to start with an analysis of where you are and what’s working.

  • How do you conduct a powerful monthly review that will unlock opportunities for growth, focus, and improvement?

  • Do you feel like you don’t have enough time and you’re constantly in a state of reacting to external stimulus?

  • By starting with analysis, you can build on it and double down on what’s working

  • You should only have one big aspirational goal in your life at a time until it’s really stable

  • How do you apply the idea of compounding your own personal development?

  • If there’s a lot of junk in your life, you don’t have space for the good and important things in your life

  • Cut the junk, set a baseline of contemplative routines, and start stacking them up

  • There is no one magic trick, its stacking lots and lots of factors together.

  • If you stack enough best practices and mental models together, suddenly you start to build rockets.

  • How to stop wasting time on the news, facebook, social media, etc

  • It’s not about being a super disciplined person - it's about creating the conditions that enable you to be successful.

  • How to use spaced repetition and forgetting curves to remember huge amounts of information

  • A lot of people break down the first time they have a failure, design your protocols and habits to have failure baked into it. Sebastian targets a 70% success rate for his daily habits.

  • The ideal Olympic athlete doesn’t give 110%. Most people only give 40-60% of what they’re capable of, even when they think they are trying hard. Athletes should train at 80% of maximum ability.

  • Why you should establish a “fire break” to clean your mental slate periodically.

  • Homework: If you don’t have a structured introspection time or contemplative routine. Pick a time and do one. Create a calendar appointment to do this.

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Thank you so much for listening!

Please SUBSCRIBE and LEAVE US A REVIEW on iTunes! (Click here for instructions on how to do that).

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This week's episode of The Science of Success is presented by Dr. Aziz Gazipura's Confidence University!

You can learn to confidently connect with others, be bold, feel proud of who you are, and create the life you truly deserve!

What Would Your Life Look Like If You Have Double The Confidence?

Don't Wait and Wonder! Find Out Today!

Want To Dig In More?! - Here’s The Show Notes, Links, & Research

General

  • Sebastian’s Personal Site

  • Ultraworking

  • Sebastian’s LinkedIn, Facebook, and Twitter

Media

  • Medium - These 10 Minutes Each Day Can Change Your Life — Sebastian Marshall by Todd Nevins

  • Medium - Sebastian’s articles and profile

  • Book Review: “Gateless by Sebastian Marshall and Kai Zau” reviewed by James Stuber

  • Sebastian’s site The Strategic Review, “Actionable insights from the most successful people in history”.

  • [Podcast] The Business Method: Ep.383 ~ Going Down the Productivity Rabbit Hole with Sebastian Marshall

  • [Podcast] Nat Chat: Hacking Your Time, Habits, Productivity, and More with Sebastian Marshall

  • [Podcast] Future Skills: E19: Get More Important Work Done—Tools and Systems with Sebastian Marshall

  • [Podcast] eCommerce Influence: 131: Productivity Hacks To Make 2018 Your Most Productive Year Yet

Videos

  • Sebastian’s Youtube Channel

  • Carlos Miceli and Sebastian Marshall on "Goodwill, and Its Fleetingness

  • Lectures on Strategy

  • Gotta Be Good Tour IV -  Sebastian Marshall at Northwestern University

  • Ultraworking Channel - Work Cycles by Ultraworking: Work Smarter and Work Harder

  • Disrupting the Rabblement - How To Achieve Peak Productivity (with Sebastian Marshall) ... Full Interview

    • How to practice Impulse Control

  • Arcadier Marketplaces - How to Get the Work Done to Build Your Business by Sebastian Marshall

Books

  • PRAGMA by Sebastian Marshall

  • MACHINA by Sebastian Marshall

  • PROGRESSION by Sebastian Marshall

  • Gateless by Sebastian Marshall and Kai Zau

  • Ikigai by Sebastian Marshall

Misc

  • [Mindset Monday] Your Step By Step Guide To A Perfect Life with Sebastian Marshall

  • Sign up now for ULTRAWORKING!

  • [Website] reWork

  • [Article] Toyota Production System

  • [Article] “Forget The 10,000-Hour Rule; Edison, Bezos, & Zuckerberg Follow The 10,000-Experiment Rule” by Michael Simmons

  • [Article] Examined Existence - “Why Spaced Repetition is Important to Learning and How to Do it” by Tri

  • [Extension] News Feed Eradicator for Facebook

  • [Extension] DF Tube (Distraction Free for YouTube™)

  • [Book] Elite Minds: How Winners Think Differently to Create a Competitive Edge and Maximize Success by Dr Stan Beecham

Episode Transcript

[00:00:04.4] ANNOUNCER: Welcome to The Science of Success. Introducing your host, Matt Bodnar.

[0:00:11.8] MB: Welcome to the Science of Success; the number one evidence-based growth podcast on the internet with more than three million downloads and listeners in over a hundred countries.

Do you feel like you don't have enough time and you're constantly in a state of reacting to external stimulus? How do you conduct a powerful monthly review that will unlock opportunities for growth, focus and improvement? In this episode, we go deep into all of this, and stacking powerful mental models, harnessing best practices and optimizing your entire life with our guest, Sebastian Marshall.

I’m going to tell you why you’ve been missing out on some incredibly cool stuff if you haven’t signed up for our e-mail list yet. All you have to do to sign up is to go to successpodcast.com and sign up right on the home page.

On top of tons subscriber-only content, exclusive access and live Q&As with previous guests, monthly giveaways and much more, I also created an epic, free video course just for you. It's called How to Create Time for What Matters Most Even When You're Really Busy. E-mail subscribers have been raving about this guide.

You can get all of that and much more by going to successpodcast.com and signing up right on the home page, or by texting the word smarter to the number 44-222 on your phone. If you like what I do on Science of Success, my e-mail list is the number one way to engage with me and go deeper on what I discuss on the show, including free guides, actionable takeaways, exclusive content and much, much more.

Sign up for my e-mail list today by going to successpodcast.com and signing up right on the home page, or if you're on the go, if you're on your phone right now, it's even easier. Just text the word “smarter”, that's S-M-A-R-T-E-R to the number 44-222. I can't wait to show you all the exciting things you'll get when you sign up and join the e-mail list.

In our previous episode, we discussed how to train yourself to think and act like a spy with lessons from a real-world expert. In the game of Spycraft, the stakes couldn't be higher and one mistake may land you dead or in a foreign prison. In that deadly crucible, only the best ideas survive. We crack open the secrets you can use to influence, develop relationships and create a bridge with anyone that you meet with the die-hard rules from the world's top spies with our previous guest, Jason R. Hanson. If you want to learn how to influence anyone, even under difficult conditions, check out our previous interview with Jason.

Now, for our interview with Sebastian.

[00:03:11] MB: Today, we have another great guest on the show, Sebastian Marshall. Sebastian is an author, entrepreneur and founder of ultraworking com. His blog, sebastianmarshall.com has been read by over half a million people from a wide range of industries and walks of life. At Ultraworking, Sebastian helps those who are already tremendously productive take even greater leaps and get more done in record time. Sebastian, welcome to the Science of Success.

[00:03:39] SM: I'm maximally excited to be here. This is going to be fantastic.

[00:03:44] MB: For listeners who don't know Sebastian, Sebastian and I have gotten to know each other over the last month or two. I've actually been a reader of his blog for almost nine or 10 years now, and always been a big fan of the way he thinks and the way he writes and the way he approaches the world. I'm really excited to have you on the show today Sebastian.

We've been doing some cool stuff recently around Ultraworking and we did a free event recently for our e-mail subscribers that was really fun and exciting. I'm so pumped, because there's so many different topics and things that we can dig into today.

[00:04:15] SM: Yeah, likewise. I think this can be a really, really good show, Matt. Because I think we both are in to one of the same things, which is we read a book and it's not like, that was fun. We want to take it all the way apart and then put it back together in our own lives, all the takeaways. Your book notes are phenomenal. Your analysis is phenomenal.

Most of the time, you're hosting, you very rightfully have – whoever the PhD that's coming on, that's pushing research forward be the star of the show, but I hope we can keep this a bit of a dialogue, because your way of thinking and approach to the world, and Austin as well. Shout out to him. We did Mindset Monday and he's super, super sharp and that was one of my favorite shows that I've been on. Really fantastic.

I'm looking forward to going deep, understanding a principle and then taking it apart, so like, what can I do with that? What's the pieces of that that I can really understand how anyone from Arnold Schwarzenegger, to a famous military general, or someone who was very successful in industry five years ago or 500 years ago in 1850, or in 1995, or in now, or in ancient Roman times did it. I think we're going to cover a lot of really good ground. I'm very excited.

[00:05:28] MB: I love the way you phrase that and this whole idea of taking things apart and putting them back together and trying to understand the component pieces and how to use them and apply them as something that I don't know if I've actually thought about, or phrase it in that exact way in the way that I think about and approach my own thinking.

That certainly guides the way that I digest, or intake really any information of whether it's a podcast interview, or a book, or anything. I really want to understand how the building blocks fit together and how I can – Because I feel like once I get to that fundamental level, I understand the building blocks, then I can reassemble them in different ways and I can figure out what really is the lever that moves things, and I can apply them in all kinds of different contexts.

[00:06:11] SM: Okay. Okay. I know we potentially had topics we're going to hit. Let's get back to that. Let's just stay here for a second. I'm interested in two things, right? One is the actual ability to take things apart, analyze them, understand the takeaways. Cool. What does that mean for me? Maybe I should know some numbers and maybe I should work on my physiology, maybe I should think about this a certain way.

Let's ask the harder question first, which is Matt, there's a lot of smart people out there, right? Everybody who listen to this show are super-smart person. You're taking a real research-oriented approach of incredibly credible guests on here that know their stuff. Some percent of the people that are listening are like, “Cool, I want to go understand that principle, implement it and get more results in my life.” Some of them are like, “Okay, that's fun.” That’s fine, if they're happy where they're at and they're cruising and they’re listening for entertainment. Totally cool.

Some people want to be doing better. They’re ambitious. Whether they're in a creative field, whether they're building a career, whether they’re building a business, whether they’re in the non-profit sector, whether they have aspirations to go into politics, whether they want to make contributions to science.

A lot of people are going to want to do things, but then they even start to get the analysis, take things apart, see the lines on it, then they don't go put it into practice, which is one thing I really admire about you is you do that and you really think a lot about that and spend a lot of time doing that. Then you have a pretty cool life. You're doing a ton of really cool stuff. It’s like, why does that happen? What's the gap? Among people that want it and can analyze not putting it into action, where do you reckon that comes from?

[00:07:34] MB: I think that's part of the reason why many of the episodes we have on the show focus around psychology, self-awareness, self-sabotage, those topics, because – and this is something you and I have rift on outside of the show, is this whole idea that I fundamentally believe and I think one of the guiding principles of the Science of Success is this idea that everyone has the latent potential to achieve things well beyond what they even think is possible.

In order to access that, I feel in most cases people get in their own way, we’re standing in our own way. Whether it's self-sabotage, whether it's lack of awareness, whether it's a fixed mindset, I feel there's so many psychological barriers and limitations that prevent people from ever really taking that step of applying it, whether it's a limiting belief, or a fear, or uncertainty, or an inability to have Wisdom and really know, or understand, or be able to make tough and challenging decisions in a world filled with uncertainty. I think that there's a lot of psychological components that underpin that.

[00:08:39] SM: Well, I find that answer very persuasive, because it's the same answer like the Ancient Greeks came to would know thyself a couple thousand years ago. I'm not sure it's gotten easier. In theory, it's easier. There's so much information out there and it's possible. I think if I can just flag something semi-unrelated to what we're going to talk about, but important. I think a lot of people don't realize, but they could probably get in touch with just about anyone from any field they were curious about reasonably easily; maybe not any individual person, like maybe not Elon Musk. If you want to talk to an aerospace engineer, you could get in touch with somebody in a few hours. That's the internet and people are not taking advantage of that, right?

People are not saying “You know, I'm interested in doing XYZ.” I have friends and really, places with no infrastructure that are in bad shape that just use the internet to talk to the United States, who are even more happy to talk to people that are working hard to come out of a tough spot, right? It’s like, you could be in the middle of nowhere if you got an internet connection and get on the phone with aerospace. Sure you have to work, you have to research, you have to write your stuff decently and practice and stuff.

We live a narrow-in theory, it's more possible to know yourself, to get access to good information. Probably a lot of people are listening to this are in the car, in the gym. I think that's amazing. You can listen to a podcast with information from experts, well-curated, edited, beautiful on your Apple or Android device, right? It's incredible. In theory, you should be able to know yourself a little better than the past. Maybe a higher percentage of people do. Probably they do. Still, it's a barrier, isn't it? Know thyself and wisdom. Not moralizing, opinionated wisdom, but just wisdom-wisdom. Knowing what's up.

[00:10:15] MB: Yeah. I think that the theme of self-awareness is probably the single most recurrent thing that comes up on the Science of Success. We've interviewed everybody from professional poker players, to astronauts, to neuroscientist, hostage negotiators, people who are experts across a huge domain of fields. Again and again, this notion that self-awareness underpins growth is almost ubiquitous.

To me, that piece of the puzzle is so, so important. The other thing that's really interesting and ties back into this notion of self-sabotage that holds so many people back, the example that I always come back to, because it just really crystallizes it for me is weight loss. The reality of losing weight is that, or being healthy, or getting to a body fat composition you want, or whatever. I'm just using weight loss as a generic term to describe all of that, but the reality of losing weight is that it's not a problem of lack of information, right?

There's tons and tons of information, but so often, people think that the way to get someone to change their behavior, or the way to get themselves to change the behavior is through awareness.

Most people really fundamentally understand how to lose weight and yet, there's a huge disconnect between knowing it, or knowing that they should do it and actually doing it. That's where I think a lot of the psychology starts to come in, and the puzzle of motivation and all these other pieces that underpin all of this.

[00:11:42] SM: That's really, really interesting. I think about this and related things fairly often. It is and it isn't. The basic information is out there, right? I mean, I'd say there's probably two problems if somebody wants body composition, right? The first one is you need to learn the basics, the macronutrients, right?

There's 9 calories in 1 gram of fat, there's 4 calories in 1 gram of carbohydrate or protein, protein takes a little more energy to digest so it's effectively and actually 3 calories. That's one of the reasons and they say when losing weight you should eat protein, right? It's the most efficient. Carbs depending on if there's fiber, probably a little better. Then fat has some important things. You can't cut it entirely, but it's the most calorically dense, whatever, right? There's that and you can learn that. You can learn portions and stuff.

I think what a lot of people don't realize is that getting all that stuff mentally is most at best, half the game. The real half the game is adherence. It's all the situation's you're presented with the opportunity to make a choice consciously, or unconsciously that's against what you want.

I think a lot of people are not studied on how to actually adhere to things and a lot of people don't have the general and meta skills that are the same for regulating your diet as they are to regulating your money usage, the same to discipline the project management across a team. If you're an entrepreneur, all these particular peculiarities about these spaces and they work a little differently. A lot of fundamentals are quite similar.

I'm not sure that people actually know the entirety of the equation. A lot of people don't even realize that things like weight loss is an adherence game. You have to adhere to your program. That's the hard part. The hard part is not designing the program. Actually, no. That's not hard. I'll just say it's not hard. You could do it. A nutritionist could do it for you. A personal trainer could do it for you. They’ll look, like if you know, if you can vet credible sources, you can look up some good ones up online, right? Adhering to your program, well that's hard. I'm not sure people know how to do that. You could describe it both ways.

[00:13:40] MB: I think to some degree, adherence comes back to at least in my opinion, mostly a psychology issue. This is zooming out, this makes me think about fundamentally the skillset of how to think, or how to make decisions.

If I think about the weight loss example, people spend the majority of their time trying to get the perfect information, or trying to get as much information as possible to create this absolutely perfectly crafted strategy for losing weight, but the reality is if you just took something that was good enough, if you just started doing some basic cardio, cleaning up your diet a little bit, that would probably get you 90% of the way there, with extremely basic, extremely simple tactics.

The big barrier to a lot of people implementing that is that they haven't developed the thinking infrastructure, or the decision-making infrastructure to be able to assess the situation like that and understand what the important decision factors really are that are actually going to create the results they want in their lives.

[00:14:39] SM: Well said. I see what you mean about psychology. Now you're actually not talking about a honed incisive psychology. You're talking about the most broad and holistic sense, which is modeling and understanding yourself and other people over time, and understanding your own behavior and where that comes from and what's going to prompt it and shape it. That's interesting.

A lot of people when they talk about psychology, they think about psychology-psychology, right? They think about a psychologist with a degree, right? A psychiatrist or something, right?

No, you're talking about it really holistically and systemically, which is correct and more true. When you put it that way, actually that makes a great point. Then as to the knowledge and the decisions, it's interesting and you're right. It’s like, get started. Probably one of the reasons that it's hard, I would say, is that there's best practices. Some of the best practices are truly universal, or they at least apply to 80, 90, whatever, a very high percentage of people.

If that's the case, it's either true for everybody, or true for almost everybody. You should certainly start with them. If it's a thing that's hard to implement, you should give it a few serious cracks before you say, “That's not for me,” because it's hard for people, but it's the answer, then you should just work at it until you got it.

The hard thing is – I was reading a book on learning. It was a couple years ago. It was written by a programmer, so he has a lot of programming metaphors in there. I'm lightly technical. I wouldn't call myself a technical person. I'm okay. It's like, I could follow a lot of it. He was talking about with learning, he's talking about how beginners really, really, really want rules. Beginners want rules. They want to do X. They want, don't eat before 8:00 a.m., don't eat after 4:00 p.m. It's the 8 to 4 diet, whatever, right? It’s what they want.

They eat up one grapefruit to start the day, right? Whereas, very advanced people and there's stages you go through and whatever, but very advanced people tend to operate on heuristics. That’s interesting already. Then I think the important part with anything; diet, habit, change, anything, is understanding what type of person you are and getting a correct conception of that some people are capable of moderation and some aren't.

That's one of the first things to figure out in life is are you capable of doing a bad thing in moderation? You got to be really honest with yourself, you know what I mean? Are you capable of going and doing something that's a little bit bad for you and then not going any further and not going off the rails?

Some people are, some people aren't. There's probably spectrum there too. Figuring that out about yourself is pretty important, right? Because then you figure out whether you have to be hard rules never do the thing, or whether you can shape it a little bit and do a little bit better.

[00:17:11] MB: You said something in there that I think is worth expounding upon, which is this idea that very advanced people tend to operate on heuristics, instead of rigid rules.

To me, that underscores something that longtime listeners, or many listeners have probably heard me ramble on about and some people may hear this phrase and get super excited, and some people may hear this phrase and say, “Matt, why do you keep bringing this up and what is it?” It makes me think of mental models and this mental models approach to thinking about and understanding the world.

This comes back all the way to what we're talking about the very beginning of the conversation, because I think we went down the rabbit hole of looking at this from the lens just as an example of losing weight, for example.

I think this really applies to any result you want to achieve, anything you want to create in the world, any outcome you're trying to accomplish, you have to be able to breakdown the fundamental things that cause that outcome to happen. Whether you want to be happy, or you want to make more money, you want to lose weight. Any result you want to achieve in life, you have to be able to break down.

If you're a beginner as you said, maybe you start with some really simple rules. If you really want to master the game and pursue a true path of mastery and be one of the top people, really create epic results, you have to have the – as Charlie Munger called it, the mental models approach, which is this idea of breaking things down into heuristics, or models, or rules of thumb that explain how the building blocks of the world work. Because once you understand those building blocks, you can then combine them, or change them, or use the right ones in any given particular challenge.

[00:18:50] SM: Totally. I'm going to. It's good.

[00:18:53] MB: You've always been somebody who has had a really detailed understanding of digging into and applying mental models. Even from the early days of your blog, you study a tremendously diverse field of topics and yet, find these really concrete ways to bring those lessons back and apply them. Whether it's studying something – an example I know you always like to use is Soviet deep battle theory, right? Or Toyota manufacturing lines.

To me, we could even make this more broaden or generic, which is if you're studying John D. Rockefeller, or you're studying Caesar, you're studying somebody who's a world-class achiever, how do we take these esoteric concepts and ideas, or as we might also call them mental models, from whether it's deep battle theory, or manufacturing, or economics, or anything? How do we take these ideas and start to in a very concrete sense, understand and apply them in specific contexts and areas of our lives?

[00:20:00] SM: Most of the most successful people I know, they do two things, right? The first thing they do is they look for the known best practices and they do those, right? A lot of times, you can look around, you just find a best practice. It's like, okay, seems like everybody in personal finance in the United States recommends using one of those tax advantage retirement accounts and filling that up first, right? You should probably put your cash there first, pay off any debt and then that, right? Probably. Maybe not, but probably if you're starting out, right? There's that.

Then, you go what after that. Most of the very successful people I know are very willing to do short-term, very inexpensive, low-risk experiments. They're going to just try something, right? There's the grand examples of it obviously. Here, let's pick a really boring one that probably nobody will do, if they're not already into it, but it's great. You could go take an accounting course, a community college. You could go learn a little bit about accounting. Accounting is beautiful. It's really cool. It's really useful. You do it once, you're sorted. You could practice that. That's worth doing.

Then going a step beyond that, if you want to get inventive, you could say, “Okay, John Rockefeller, let’s say running a business.” Okay, John Rockefeller started looking at. Then 37signals later wrote about this. I believe that was in probably in rework. It was one of their books about taking your waste products, your scrap products and turning those into something that's useful.

Turning out just secondary outputs and turning those into something that's sellable. In oil, there's a variety of whatever, secondary chemicals or whatever that are left over from oil and you could sell those and make things out of those. I don't know. When you come across a historical figure that's really interesting, or a metaphor that’s really interesting, or a concept that’s really interesting, like from Toyota.

Toyota has one that's really interesting, which is they've got a diagram that they have, where there's three things that are at work. There's value-producing work, there's non-value producing work and there's waste, right? When they diagram this out, they actually find the vast majority of businesses have under 20% of work is value-producing, right? Value-producing work is stuff the customer actually cares about, right? If you're a baker, you're baking cakes. When you're putting the dough together and put it in the oven, that's value-producing.

There's non-value producing work you have to do. That's payroll, that's regulate – I don't know, which side of regulation it goes on. Certainly, administrative internal stuff is non-value producing for the customer. You have to do it, but if the business just did that it wouldn't be doing anything valuable.

There's waste. They take the concept of waste and they make it really a very expensive thing; any unnecessary movement in Toyota counts as waste. If a guy on the assembly line in a Toyota factory has to bend over for a tool repeatedly, that's waste right there. If you have to push something 10 feet on the ground, that's waste. They are ruthless about like, well there's a little shelf, so people don't have to bend over, and will set things up just perfectly so things don't have to be carried. We won’t have to push anything. Never mind scrap product and rework and stuff like that. That's always.

You hear that, and that's super interesting. The first time you hear that, that's super interesting. Value-producing work, non-value producing work, waste. Very interesting. You hear that, you're a little smarter, super good mental model. Taiichi Ohno wrote a great book. He's a chief engineer at Toyota, or one of them. Great book. It’s like, the system's something, or the Toyota Production System. Taiichi Ohno. Genius.

You hear that and you’re a little smarter. You’re like, “Oh, what do I that’s value-producing an what’s not?” I think you go to step further if you really want to get the results and you say, “Huh, how do I track for a month, or even a week? What work I do actually produces value? What work do I that doesn't produce value what do I do that's wasted?” Right? You track that for a week, in a month and you come up with however whatever method you do to do that is and you try it out. I guarantee, you’ll learn something interesting if you try to do that.

I’m like, “Oh, how do I set it up? What do I do?” It’s like, you're doing an experiment. You can't do it wrong. I mean, it might be more or less productive, but you just do it. Maybe not everybody wants to do it. Maybe not everyone has the time to do it. Maybe somebody's in an intense university program, or they’re in a really demanding job right, so they don’t time to do these crazy little things. Just a tiny little bit of time.

You learn the mental model of Toyota, mental model – value-producing work, non-value producing work, waste, boom. Remember that. You're smarter. You'll just notice some things like, “Oh, they're doing a lot of paperwork over there.

That's non-value producing work, right? Oh, that person run back and forth three times. That's waste, right?” You get smarter when you know that. Then you go a step further and you're like, “I want to really experiment with that. What do I do?” Try to classify your own for a week, or a month, that's really interesting.

[00:24:49] MB: I think that's a great and practical way to start thinking about these interesting concepts. Because I think anybody – I know, I certainly had this experience and I think a lot of my listeners probably have a very similar experience, which is you read a fascinating book, or you listen to a fascinating podcast and you hear two, or three, or five or 10 ideas that seem really exciting. A lot of times, those go in Evernote, or they go with somewhere and then they sit there and they never get applied.

This notion of doing short-term, low-risk, inexpensive experiments, which is in and of itself is another mental model, is a great idea and one that I certainly will apply to principles and concepts and notions that I find interesting. Do you have a specific example, or instance of a principle that you found really interesting that you've tried and experiment for whether it was successful or not?

[00:25:45] SM: Constantly. I'll tell you, what I do is every month, the start of every month, I'll actually draw up a theme and a policy for that month. I'll try it out for a month, they'll usually be five to seven supporting elements, maybe something I've done before, maybe something I haven't. This seems like a good idea.

At the end of the month, I'll evaluate, which to keep and I keep a fraction of them, because you can't run too many protocols, or habits, right? You can run a lot of them, especially if they're true-true habits. There's an overhead cost to that, right?

I experiment on a monthly basis with things and those vary tremendously. Sometimes they're very expansive and experimental, sometimes they're very consolidationary. Or let me just get back to just really good eating, sleeping, working out, starting the day strong, whatever. It goes across the spectrum from the most fundamental of fundamentals, to the most experiment out of experimental.

I do that on a monthly basis. I think the month is a nice time to do that. You do an analysis at the end of the month as to how it went, start of the month, draw up a new policy. Yeah. I mean, I'm always looking for those. If it doesn't go well, it's a month. Not the end of the world.

[00:26:54] MB: This whole idea of monthly reviews and something that we've come across a number of times in the show and I talk a lot about is this notion of what I call contemplative routines, which is basically just taking time to step back to think a little bit, to evaluate what are you doing? What's working? How is your time and energy being spent? What are your goals and is what you're doing aligned with your goals?

I think, having some review process, whether it's weekly, monthly, even daily in some contexts is a really effective way of stepping back and figuring out whether your time and energy is being spent appropriately or not. I think developing the habit of having some routinized, regular, contemplative routine is one of the cornerstones of being an effective thinker and being an effective decision-maker.

[00:27:47] SM: 100%. I literally don't know anyone with a complex life that's successful that doesn't have regular routine intervals of introspection. I don't think I know anybody that does that less than monthly. Maybe a couple people around quarterly, if they run tight plans and can execute. A lot of the most successful people I know have daily introspection as part of it. That can be as simple as filling out a few questions at the end of a day. I think the week is a very elegant time to do that.

I mean, if you're not putting in an hour a week like, “Hey, what's going on? What should I be doing about it?” That's scary. I 100% agree with you. I have those on the daily level, the weekly level, the monthly level, hard. I do a little bit around the annual level, I don't do quarterly. I do monthly. Yeah, that's really important and really true. Anybody here that doesn't have a single time, like if you only have weekly and daily, you're all right. If you only have daily and you don't know weekly, you're probably all right. You know what I mean? You might be missing a little bit, but it's all right.

If you just do monthly, that's still going to catch some of it. If you don't have anything, that's – I'm not going to say it's an emergency, but if you are ambitious, it's probably an emergency. You got to start studying your life, seeing what's going well and making sure it continues to happen. Seeing what you don't really like and making adjustments. That's essential. It's absolutely essential for everyone to get.

[00:29:09] MB: It reminds me of an e-mail I got recently from a listener, who said that he felt his life was a state of constant reactivity; never had any time, never had any ability to do anything, was just being bombarded and couldn't create any space. Through a couple of the interviews on the show, he was really able to just start and gain a little toehold with one hour of journaling, or contemplative thinking about his goals in his life and what he's doing.

The amazing thing about these contemplatively routines is that once you start, they compound on themselves and build, because that enabled him to get a little wedge and see, “Okay, maybe I shouldn't be spending three hours a day on Facebook.” That was actually what he was doing is getting caught up in the newsfeed and all this other stuff.

[00:29:54] SM: Yeah. So busy, I don't have time to do what I want. Busy spending 21 hours on Facebook a week.

[00:29:59] MB: Exactly.

[00:30:00] SM: I really don't have time to do anything.

[00:30:01] MB: If you never step back and look at it and analyze how was your time being spent, how are your activities aligned with your goals, you're never going to know if you're on the right trajectory or not. Personally, I do it on a weekly basis and then also, probably a quarterly basis at a broader review.

Every single week, I'll look at all of my goals, the big picture, long-term goals that I've set for myself and I will determine what am I doing every single day that week that's going to materially move the ball forward on my major goals and priorities. I'll set specific MITs, or most important tasks on each of those days to ensure that the progress is happening and the action is being taken on those particular goals and activities.

[00:30:45] SM: I love it. We are singing from the same song sheet. I've got some pretty advanced tech that some of it is a little bit advanced, that does some really cool sophisticated stuff to help people track and measure and improve stuff. The dead simplest weekly review, I experimented a lot of formats and people ask me, how do I have a good weekly review, right?

You want to hear the best simple get start, I have an advanced crazy weekly review, but if I get too busy – you want hear my weekly review? It's so simple, but it's incredibly powerful. You want to hear this? I got the best one.

[00:31:15] MB: Yeah, absolutely.

[00:31:16] SM: If everyone doesn't have one, can have it. All right, it's three questions. You write them down and you answer them, right? It’s three questions. One is, what's really going on? What's really going on? I italicized really. What's really going on? Two, so what do I do about it? Three, what matters; what doesn't? What's really going on? What do I do about it? What matters; what doesn't?

I think that's really pretty good, because if your life is just cruising, that's a 5-10 minute thing. What's really going on? Everything's great. What do I about it? Keep it going. Make sure I went to the gym twice last week, go three times this week. What matters? What doesn't? The stuff I'm doing matters. Stuff I'm not doing doesn't matter. Great, right?

If things are a little messed up, that could be a prompt for an hour of introspection, two hours of introspection. Really listing it out. Making a list of everything that you're somewhat committed to and crossing off the stuff you don't want to be doing on the doesn't matter list. Thinking like, “Hey, this thing matters that I'm not doing. How do I do it?” If you don't have it, start there. I think it can't get much simpler than that and cover all the bases, but that's the get started with a weekly review. Write down three questions, answer them. There's advance stuff, but that does a lot.

[00:32:30] MB: Yeah, I love that last question, because in essence, it starts to get at the 80/20 principle and trying to figure out what's really creating the results you want in your life, what's creating the results you don't want? How do you start to shape your actions, so that you can cut off, or remove the things that are creating negativity and spend more time and energy on the things that are actually working?

One of the things that we give away to everybody who signs up for our e-mail list is a free guide, a video course on how to use the 80/20 principle. That entire course, for listeners who haven't done it, or people who haven't joined, is essentially a done-for-you contemplatively team, that even if you just do it one time, will showcase and show you all kinds of opportunities of wasted time, of areas of new focus, of things that you should be doing.

To me, that's a routine that I do on a regular basis to try and really determine how I'm doing, am I aligned with my goals? What's working? What's not working? What matters? What doesn't matter? As you put it, I think all of these questions in some regular format are vital to achieving any outcome.

[00:33:38] SM: Yeah, it's really good. You do the analysis once along those lines and it pays dividends for a long time. There can be a lot of value in doing some tracking and analysis on a regular basis, there's a lot of value. Doing sorts of tracking analysis, again, taking things apart and put them back together just once, does a pretty good job of both instilling the mental model, not in a theoretical level, but on it actually improves some stuff level.

As well as just like, the guy that was 21 hours on Facebook and thought he was busy, right? It's like, well, okay. I mean, the 21 hours is a lot of your life man. It's almost a full day, right? 24 hours in the day. That's not good, right? Yeah, love it.

[00:34:25] MB: Hey, I'm here real quick with confidence expert Dr. Aziz Gazipura to share a lightning round insight with you. Dr. Aziz, how do you become more confident and what do people get wrong about confidence?

[00:34:39] AG: I love this question. My life mission is to inform people this one thing, that you can learn confidence. Because the biggest thing that people don’t realize is that confidence is a skill. They think confidence is something that you’re just born with and that people that look confidence just somehow have some ability that you don’t have. That’s what I thought for many years, until I discovered that actually, this is something we can learn.

What most people get wrong about this, other than thinking that they can’t, so they don’t even try, is they think it’s going to be this huge undertaking and it’s scary and they try to just push through and do this thing that I hate the phrase, but it’s so common, which is ‘fake it till you make it’.

What they don’t realize is that there is a much easier way, a simpler way and ultimately, a faster way, and a gentler way. That is to treat it like any other skill. Like the guitar. You want to learn how to play the guitar, you want to break it down into its individual elements, like notes, chords, progression, scales. If you learn each individual thing, all of a sudden, you could play a beautiful song.

Confidence is absolutely no different than that. You can break confidence down into its little individual elements, like body language, starting a conversation, how to be assertive, all these things can be broken down in sub-skills. If you could learn those sub-skills one after another, take action on what you learn and practice it just like an instrument, all of a sudden, in a pattern – in a period of months – you could be stuck for decades, but in a period of months, you can have more confidence than you’ve ever had in your entire life.

That’s what I’m dedicated to doing, that’s what I teach, that’s what I create all my programs around and that’s really the message that I want to get out there to everyone listening and everyone in the world.

[00:36:16] MB: Do you want to be more confident and stop suffering from social anxiety and self-doubt? Check out successpodcast.com/confidence to hear more about Dr. Aziz and his work and become more confident.

[00:36:33] MB: One of the most interesting things you said to me when we're having our pre-show conversation was this idea of starting with analysis, as opposed to starting with aspiration when you're doing these contemplative routines, when you're doing monthly planning. Tell me more about that.

[00:36:48] SM: Yeah. Most people start with aspiration, right? They start with what would be great? I want to be a piano-playing, marathon-running triathlete, Olympian astronaut, right? I'm exaggerating, but only slightly. People like to dream. They like to think about these big things. I want people to get big things, but I want them to actually succeed. I want them to day dream about it and feel good for five seconds. How do we actually go get that, right?

What I think is that okay, a lot of people just don't try enough stuff, they don't get outside their comfort zone, they're scared, so they just need to be told like, “Go do anything,” right? I mean, you have a big dream, you want to run a marathon, just start running today. Great. Good. Solid.

Assuming you've got a little bit of success, you've got some good things happening, and I don't think probably most people listen. They have some pretty good things happen in their life, they got buried on abyss. It's not perfect. We can do better, but things are going all right.

I think you really want to start. You really, really, really want to start with a state of what's the current state of things and do some analysis. We have a couple of smart spreadsheets and stuff that we do to do analysis and planning. I can put up a couple of these, including monthly planning on ultraworking.com/sos for Science of Success. I'll put them on ultraworking.com/sos, if people want to check them out.

With monthly planning, what we do is we don't start with like, “Oh, what do you want life? What's your goal? What's your whatever?” We start with, how did every day of last month go, right? It's a little ranking thing. The thing is smart. You tell it what month it is and it'll be automatic correctly, these are the weekends, the days, whatever. There’s 28 days in February, there's 31 days in January, whatever.

It’s like, factually what happened that day is the first question. Factually what happened that day? Was it a exceptional day, a good day, a neutral day, bad day? However you judge that. There any takeaways that you might want to do next month based on what happened. Pay close attention. We always tell people, pay close attention to exceptional days and bad days.

You want to say, how many good days, how many exceptional days and good days that I had last month and how many bad days I’ve had last month, right?

If you want to be really happy, or if you want to be really fit, or you want to really have a lot of success in business, like okay. If you're an entrepreneur, you’re getting a business going. How many days of last month did you do the right stuff to get your business going?

If the answer is not many, then you should work on putting in a solid, like what do you need? Do you need product, or do you need growth? Or maybe those are okay and you need better operations. Whatever the thing is that you need right now, like how many days did you work on that? On the days you did work on it, you made breakthroughs. What did you do? You always want to start there.

Very rapidly, you'll see like, “Oh, okay. I had a bad day this day that I didn't sleep, because the night before I went out. I whatever, I didn't sleep, or whatever.” “Okay, on this other day I went on I ate this junk food and I didn't do this whatever and I didn't really work much this day. I screwed off.” You start eliminating those bad days. Make them at least into neutral days.

You try to take some days are pretty good and put the elements of exceptional days in there. You built a lot of momentum and you get yourself really healthy. By doing the things that are already working for you and your good days, you do more of those. The things that are causing your bad days, you stop doing those.

As you do that, you get to a base of like, yeah, my life is going pretty solid. That's the type of place that is the ideal place to start triathlon training, or getting really serious about composing music and making music. Yeah, you could just start. Most people had just start things and then just stop things, right? You want to actually do it for a long time. I think that has to come from a place of looking at what is already going on and what's working.

There's always glimmers of things working. You don't be getting a bad thing. Some day in the month is better than the other days. What did you do on that day? Let's do more of that. Did you walk through the park that day? Let's go for a walk through the park as many days as we can this month, if the park is correlates with a lot of happiness and well-being and whatever.

Then just, what did you do on your exceptional days? Do more of that. On any days, that you're really just like, “That day totally sucked. I was indoors all day and I was on Facebook all day and I just didn't have anything. Oh, I shouldn't be indoors on Facebook all day.” That battle and just not have days like that going forwards.

By starting with the analysis, by starting with where am I already at, you can really build on that. When you finally want to do aspirational, really legit, big aspirational stuff, you want to be in a place where you're going to take it really seriously and actually do it. I always tell people, you never want more than one aspirational thing at a time.

Now, you could say, “Okay, I'm going to try out paintball, running, tooling around a little bit with music, writing a couple poems,” you can experiment and float around and see what you like. That's totally cool. That's great. When you're like, “I'm going to get really good at playing the violin, or I'm going to really write a novel,” then you should take that super seriously and you should do one thing like that. Just one, right?

Until it's really rock solid stable. Then go hard on it. Instead of like, “I don’t really like where things are at,” and have a big aspiration. No. Start with analysis. When you want to an aspirational thing, do it seriously and then succeed.

By all means, try things out. The minute you say, “I want to finish in a good time on a marathon, or I want to complete an Ironman triathlon.” Once you set a goal like that, you should be putting everything behind it. Most of the time, you should be setting those goals after you've established a pretty solid baseline, where it's not going to get derailed and get thrown off. Because success is good. Let's get to some success. I mean, that's the point of the show, right? We want to get the science behind success and get there.

[00:42:10] MB: This idea of a baseline that you're describing is something that I've always thought about. When I study, and I'm going to zoom out then come back to this in a second. When I study world-class achievers, people like Warren Buffett, or Bill Gates, or Elon Musk, or whatever, they have an incredible amount of leverage on their time. By that, I mean, they have the same amount of time as anyone else does, but in that finite amount of time, they're creating massive amounts of results, right? Those could be financial results. They could be any result that you're thinking about.

What happens is when you start with these basic routines, these contemplatively routines, like a weekly review, or a monthly review, or an 80/20 analysis, you carve out a little bit of space and you start to do the analysis that you said is so important, Sebastian, and begin to carve out more and more and more space. What happens is you do that once and you gain the benefits for a long time.

You can keep repeating it and you do it again. Now you've carved 20% of the noise in the BS out of your life the first time you do it. Then you do it three months later and then suddenly, you have this new platform and you carve 20% more of the BS out. That's how leverage starts to stack over time, after you've established somewhat of a baseline and conducted the – and gotten in the habit and routine of having these regular reviews, that's when you really start to see these incredible compounding effects that truly create leverage and the results that you're achieving in any activity that you're involved in.

[00:43:40] SM: Yeah. That's one of my favorite mental models right there. That's compounding, right? You multiply things. When results multiply by each other and then they multiply based on them, then that's really good. To take a different one, if we want to use a math metaphor for life; so there's a couple of things people can do, right?

One of the biggest things in life that I think is really, really good is when you would have a negative day. When you have a day that's hostile to your goals, where you would go backwards, if you can turn that into a neutral day instead of a negative day, I think that's really good.

If you have a day where you're pretty good and you can make that an exceptional day, you move that and yeah, that's really good. Yeah, the more you remove junk out of your life. Here's the thing, right? A lot of people are like, “I don't want to remove junk from my life.” How do I put this? If there's a bunch of junk in your life, you don't have space for good stuff in your life, right?

You know what I mean? If you're spending all your time on Facebook, then you're spending that time. I don't know. If you made some really cool friends, you got along super well with and really had a great time hanging out with them, that would almost assure they’d be more fun than being on Facebook, right? I think we can say that pretty safely.

As you say, cut the junk and then establish a higher level routine, get able to get more output per hour, set a baseline of that. Don't go backwards on your bad days. It's an iterative process. It's not like a snap your fingers thing. I think a lot of people really look for one thing that'll turn around. The good news and the bad news is there's thousands of good things you could do. The more of them you stack up, the better and better you get.

Elon Musk doesn't have one magic trick. He's doing a thousand things right, right? He has baseline understanding of engineering, of physics, of finance, of capital, of people, of teamwork. He learned all these things. You put together all that stuff and a bunch of other stuff and you can build rockets, which is really cool, but you need a lot of things. You need to understand capital, you need to understand regulation, you need to understand teamwork and getting good people and recruiting and in the physical space and material science, all this stuff.

You could slowly build those over time. Elon Musk wasn’t Elon Musk. He was just a guy, right? I mean, he just went out and did it all. That's really cool. That can be as deep as learning advanced physics and material science, or that can be as simple as how do I lock down how I start my morning and start it really strong? How do I ensure that I'm learning regularly? How do I get the good insights out of things?

I love your book notes, Matt. I think we'd be remiss if we didn't talk about them. You have some of the best book notes I've ever seen. You just tear insights out of books, more metaphorically than literally. It's really fantastic.

I mean, that's a practice that you need a little – enough space of – you have a little bit of spare time, so you can read good books and then think about them and then think a little more and then compile them and then actually review them and it just builds. It compounds. How did you get your book – your book notes are awesome. You draw some diagrams and stuff. I love it when I look at those. Those are amazing.

[00:46:45] MB: Well, you're very kind. I appreciate the compliments to my book notes. I've occasionally given away a few mind maps or notes and things like that to listeners, but maybe that should be something I should turn into some more regular content. The way I actually, and this is essentially using the same vocabulary we've already been using, this is basically a contemplatively routine, or a learning routine that I developed and baked into my weekly architecture, which is I try to spend one hour a day on what I call super learning, but that's for a particular reason, but doesn't really matter what you call it.

I try to spend one hour a day. Actually, each day of the week, I have a specific activity that that hour is dedicated to. A couple days a week that activity is dedicated to any learning, or information consumption, whether that's reading, whether that's podcast, whether that's some course that I'm taking, something like that. Then at least once a week, that hour is dedicated to the creation of book notes, or book summaries, or notes that summarized these key ideas.

Then typically every Friday, the last day of the week, that hour is dedicated to the review of previous book notes and previous ideas. I try to stack, or time those reviews around a forgetting curve. I use a free open source piece of software called Anki, or Anki to do that. I don't do it perfectly in every case. Basically, what I'll do is every Friday, I'll print out or review three or four of my book notes from books that I have reviewed over a certain period of time.

The idea is as long as you review them with some regular frequency that the necessary frequency actually decreases as time extends, so it goes from that the first time you learn something, you have to review it one day later, then three days later and then a week later and then three weeks later and then a month later and then three months later and then, etc. That's what a forgetting curve is.

The idea is basically, how do I review and keep all of these different ideas and mental models in my mind in a way that I'm constantly building up this knowledge and harnessing the power of compounding from a knowledge standpoint, so that I can have a more rich and deep understanding of the way the world works?

To me, that comes back to what we've been talking about the entire time, which is establishing these routines and this space to where those kinds of learning activities can even have a place. Because I'm sure, very similar to you and actually you're way more extreme than I am in this, I spend virtually no time on things like Facebook, or things like Instagram, etc.

I have an account, but I haven't posted on Instagram in almost a year. These are the kinds of things that I try to cut out all the noise and really focus in. I don't read the news, for example, is another good ins to that. I try to cut out all the noise and create space for deep learning in my life and create the space for those habits and routines.

Honestly, what enabled me to do that was beginning with these really simple habits of looking at and starting and understanding how do I – analyzing where am I spending my time, what am I doing, what's creating the results I want and what's not.

[00:49:56] SM: Matt, that's incredible. I actually want to take that apart and give some guidance that I'm – as somebody observing your system – let me see if I can tease it apart and speculate as to how the rest of us could do it. I'm actually going to do this. I'm going to get on your case to get on my case that I actually do it, because I got to level up my reading games is awesome.

[00:50:17] MB: I'll send you my weekly guidelines.

[00:50:20] SM: Oh, yeah. I'm going to go hard on it. Before that, you mentioned this thing. I just want to clarify, the news, what is that?

[00:50:27] MB: Exactly. Exactly.

[00:50:28] SM: I'm just messing around. I'll tell you a secret though. I'll tell you a secret. I'm actually not extreme, or hardcore, or whatever the word you use for me, though it's cool. I'll take the label. I'm okay with that. You know what my secret is? Everyone's like, “Oh, Sebastian is so disciplined.” I'm like, “I'm not so disciplined. I just blocked it all in the computer. I just use software to block it all.” I just can't go on Facebook. There you go. No discipline needed. I'll tell people.

There's two things that I do, right? If something is super addictive, I'll straight block it. There's a great Mac app called Self-Control. There's varieties for Windows and Linux. You should do some research on it. There's a lot of tools to do it. Self-Control is really good on the Mac. Default settings, you can block websites for up to 24 hours. You could throw in there Reddit, or Facebook, or whatever you want.

You turn the block list on. It's very hard to turn it off. You could if you really wanted to, but it's really actually quite hard. There's no way to manually override, or whatever. You have to go edit your – I'm not going to even mention how to get around it, but you have to go mess with your computer to turn it off. It's really hard to turn off.

I use Self-Control. I actually edited the settings on Self-Control. I can put links to this too. I actually have a guide on how to edit Self-Control. Not a guide. Like a few lines of code that you can use to make it able to block for more than 24 hours. I put on 30-day blocks at a time. Whatever's been addictive to me lately, I just throw it on block, even if it's otherwise a healthy decent place. I like the site lesswrong.com. It's a smart rationality site. I'm spending too much time on there, just take on a 30-day cooling-off on it.

I like Quora. I think it's smart. There's a lot of valid reasons to use. If Quora has been pathological for me lately, it's going on the block list, right? I do that for blocking. Then I curate everything that I use. It's a little dangerous. There's a bunch of Chrome extensions, if you use Google Chrome as your browser.

A Facebook newsfeed eradicator, great, kills your newsfeed. I login to Facebook. I can click on some group or whatever, or say I'm going to an event or something, but I don't see the newsfeed. It just sucks you in. It sucks me in to. I don't look at it and then I'm super disciplined. I just don't look at it.

Then my favorite one of those is Distraction for YouTube. DFYouTube is the name of the extension. That one kill autoplay and kill suggested videos. I can go to YouTube very safely. Look up whatever the clip that I was looking up, or click on a link that somebody sent me and I'm not YouTube rabbit hole, right? For hours and hours. All of that filtered.

Then there's one more actually. This was a missing piece of the puzzle for me, was there's another great Chrome extension called Fox Filter. You can actually block words from showing up in a URL, regardless of what website it's on, right? Something that I did, this was I play with, it’s a hole in my don't be distracted thing, is I will semi-reflexively Google one of the Boston sports teams.

I'm from Boston originally. There's the Celtics and the Patriots and the Red Sox and whatever, they play sports and stuff. I like sports. It's cool. I think it's really cool. Some people hate on sports. I think sports are cool.

Sometimes, I’d have 10 minutes before something, so I'd Google just Celtics and the recent game scores would come up. I'm like, “Huh, I can't block Google.” I thought about changing my search engine, but Bing doesn't and DuckDuckGo doesn’t. I'm looking at it. Every now and then, okay, usually look there for 10 minutes. Okay, the Celtics beat the Kings 110 to 80. Sounds like a terrible game. I’m not dealing with box score, who cares? Every now and then it’s like, “Marcus Smart got into a fight with James Harden. I better get on this and check it out.”

I blocked everything. It's not about being extreme. It's about just setting things up once. As that relates to what you were just saying is I set up my environment once. Sometimes, you have to experiment and figure out the right tech setup, figure out the right personal routines, but you do stuff like that, then you have time to do things, like read really deliberately.

Then I set some rules of I really prioritize old books, right? I'll read technical books that are new and I’ll read biographies that are new, but anything on general life. I read old books only. If it's in the last hundred years, I don't want to to read it. Some people are like, “Oh, that's hardcore.” You can get translations in a modern English. I pick a foreign book. I think Aristotle's still pretty good, right? He's a smart guy, right? You read old books. Read Sherlock Holmes. It's better than any fictions coming out now. It's really awesome. It's really good.

Then I don't have the hardcoreness about your reading and your book notes. Even as you were describing them I'm like, “Whoa, that is so hardcore. I couldn't possibly do that.” I think about that for a second. I’m like, “No. Of course, I could. Matt's a smart guy. If I work at that really hard, I could probably do that too.” Probably what you do as you started reading, you're probably like, “It would better if I could remember this.” You started some note-taking and you leveled up on the note-taking, then you put a review period on.

Okay, once you have that, you've got most of the pieces of puzzle and you learned how to use Anki. Anki sounds crazy, but it's software that just shows you things less often the more you've looked at them and known what they are, right? That's all it is. It's just to remember stuff. You use it at a workspace repetition. The theory behind, it’s great. There's supermemo, is a great website that has the details on how to do it. Yeah, it's just a genius system that you have.

To your point, I don't think I'm extreme in my non-usage of Reddit. Reddit, it’s just blocked on my computer. I'm not hating on Reddit. I love Reddit, that's why it's blocked. I just block it. Then it’s like, all right, got to do something else. A lot of times, unfortunately, the distraction will run into the next distraction that you have and you’ll start – if you were spending time on Reddit and you start spending time on Hacker News. At some points, you have to make me a choice of whether you're going to shift your general consumption patterns, or just block everything and I've done both.

I don't know. You do that to create the space for like, “Okay, I'm going to read more good books. I want to remember it. I’m going to take more notes. I don't remember my notes. I'm going to review my notes. I could do better reviewing my notes. Okay, I'm going to install space repetition.” Yeah, that's a pretty cool life. As much as it might sound like work and hardcore, it's a lot more fun to do stuff like this, than it is to just surf the net.

I just really would promise everybody here that if they implemented a reading, note-taking review and messed around with tech to make it even more fun, at the end of that, you'd be really proud and you'd have a lot of fun while setting it up and while doing it in the process. If it's not fun, you could probably design it better to be more fun. Because things like this are pretty fun.

[00:56:34] MB: Yeah. There's a bunch of ways that – There's a couple of things you said that I think are really important to draw out and expound upon. The most important thing is this idea that it's not about being a super disciplined person, right? You're not a super human, though you are a very smart dude. I'm definitely not a superhuman. I break down. I miss my daily learning times if I have a busy day. I try to get it in every single day, but I certainly fall off the wagon on those routines.

It's about creating the conditions that enable you to do that in the first place, right? You have to have some distance, or space to be able to create those routines and conditions in the first place and that comes back to the importance of analysis and routine.

[00:57:15] SM: Totally. Something else there; a lot of people break down the first time they have a failure and they give up and like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Not right. You should design your protocols and your plans, so that they can survive a little bit of damage. On baseline habits, I actually aim for a 70% success rate. If I succeed more than 70%, I'd make them harder. I'm always around 70% on my habits. If I'm failing recently and below 70%, I make them easier. I use something called the lights spreadsheet. You mark them yellow, red or green based on whether you do them.

If I do this reading notes thing that I think I will. It's really cool and your notes are really out of this world. If you did publish more of them, I think that would be very helpful. They're really, really great. I mean, I've seen a lot of notes in summaries, but yours are really illuminated and there's drawings and really, really, really good. I'd like to try. I'm not going to draw. I can't draw. Even the mind-mapping thing. You've got – They’re really cool.

I'll try the hardcore note-taking with Anki thing. I'll give it a shot at least. It's great. I read a lot and I'd love to remember more of it. I’ll put that on a light spreadsheet. If I get it five days out of seven, that's about right for me. If I'm getting it more than five days out of seven, I might make it a little harder, until I'm calibrated. Some things aren't like that. If you're quitting smoking, you should quit smoking seven days out of seven. Some things are – or die trying type habit, right? You really give it everything you've got.

I think doing that and then accepting that things go wrong, there's a great – there's an okay book. It's not a great book. Called Elite Minds. The guy is an Olympic – he works with Olympic athletes. The coach said, this is a great chapter and it was my favorite chapter in the book, where it's like, not an amazing book. It's a pretty good book. He goes on these long anecdotes there. There's this one thing here that's super important, which he says look, there's no 110% in athletics. You say, give a 110%. No, no, no. That's wrong. There's a 100%. First off, that's math and physics.

Second, a 100% in athletics is 100.1 is dying, right? There's the most the human body can do and serious problems go past that. You actually never want to go near that line. You don't want to get to a 100. Maybe in the Olympics, you want to push yourself 99.9 or whatever and leave it all out there. You usually don't, because it's really bad for your body, right? He goes on about that. He says, the ideal Olympic athlete, the reason people think there's give a 110 is because most people are at 40% to 60% even when they think they're trying.

Most people are only giving 40% to 60% of what they're capable of, even when they think they're trying. I'll say that a third time. Most people when they think they're trying as hard as they can, are only trying 40% to 60% of their max effort. He's talking about sports, right?

If you're running and run as hard as you can. Your hard as you can is probably 40% to 60% of your maximum ability, like if you were getting chased by a wild animal type thing, right? He said, Olympic athletes, he encourages the athletes to train at 80% of their maximum ability and to try to hit as much as they can, but even Olympic athletes will miss three to five days a month.

I’m like, they’re Olympic athletes. They're training all the time, because they want to be the fastest person on earth, the fastest swimmer, or the most accurate javelin thrower, or whatever, right? It's the Olympics. It's the most competitive thing, right? 80%, right? 25 plus days of the month. If you could do that, that's Olympic level.

He said, the good Olympic athletes might be 20, 27, 28 is the month, whatever. Okay, that's pretty hardcore. You got to give 80% of your max ability that might feel like a 110, 120, 130, 150, but it's not give 100%. It's not don't miss any days.

A lot of people collapse, right? After they miss a single day of their habit. It just comes down. That's I think a sign of – I don't mean this in a mean way, but in a factual way. I think it's a sign of immaturity, right? You just think that I want to get my thing perfect and it'll never break again. Nah, you could have a really bad day at some point. Your thing is going to break. That's fine.

You just get back on it the next day. That's the champion mentality. Your days will go wrong. You do some analysis and introspect to fix them and don't collapse when things go wrong. Just get back at it and then there you go. Your system should ideally account for that and you should know how to reset them after a bad day, or even a bad weekend, or even a bad week. It happens. Just get back in the game and keep at it.

[01:01:18] MB: It's such a critical thing to understand and build your systems around the fact that humans are fallible. We make mistakes. We get distracted. It's not about turning yourself into this iron-willed superhuman, it's about understanding your own weaknesses and limitations, which in many ways, comes all the way back to what we're talking about the beginning of the conversation with the importance of self-awareness, but really understanding those and then crafting routines and habits and systems in your life and rituals in your life that take that into account.

[01:01:49] SM: You know what? I got one that might be a good note to wrap up on. I bet you have something like this in your systems too, Matt. I think it's really useful to get really good at clean slating whenever you need, right? To be like, “Okay, yesterday happened. It's over. On it now,” right? I call those fire breaks, right? You establish little fire breaks.

The more often you can be like, “Okay, that just happened. That was bad. Now I'm back on it as if that didn't happen.” Or, “Hey, I just won. I had an amazing day yesterday. Clean slate, I'm back on it today.”

You can cheat a little bit and keep it if you have positive momentum. Yesterday was great, so I'm going to have a great day today. If yesterday was garbage, like yesterday is over. I'm going to have a great day today, right? Just wiping the slate mentally clean, right? Because people get stuck in whatever pattern they're in, right? Some people just really in a zone of their life right now. For them, it's maybe not as relevant.

If you're a little up and down, you're a little bit of a transition, maybe you're a little bored in your grad school and it's the last semester, or you're in a job and you're probably going to switch soon, but not quite yet, or whatever. It's just, get at it every day, right? Have your systems such. For me when I do my weekly reviews at the end of Saturday, as if the last week didn't even happen. Not true I pay attention, but it's like, okay, now it's I start my weeks on Sunday and I end them on Saturday. It's like, okay, it's Sunday. I'm on it. What am I doing this week? I double-strong at the end of months.

I do that to some extent during the day and even at the half day mark. I actually redo similar to a morning planning session. I do that again at the half day mark. My afternoon productivity picks up a lot when I do that. Even if the morning is shot, or crazy, or whatever, it's like, “Okay. Yeah, that’s over. What am I doing in the afternoon today?” I can typically hit one to two milestones that are significant in the afternoon and then do a couple small things. I plan it out. If the morning was great, great. I still want to get on it and cross it in the afternoon. The morning was just yeah. Well, morning is over now, time to get to the afternoon. You got something like that, Matt? I bet you do.

[01:03:52] MB: I think you're definitely more disciplined about it than I do. I think maybe it's just a natural thing. When I think about my periodic weekly reviews, I look at what happened the previous week, but I don't let it impact what's happening this week. I reset everything back to what are my big picture goals and how am I going to take action this week to move those forward?

[01:04:12] SM: That's the game.

[01:04:14] MB: Let's tie this up with something concrete or specific. We've talked about a lot of really specific and concrete and actionable things the listeners can do to start to implement some of these ideas. What would one piece of homework, or one action item be that you would give to listeners to start concretely implementing and going down the road of all of the themes and ideas that we've talked about today?

[01:04:37] SM: I think it's really obvious, that if somebody doesn't have a structured introspection time, they should pick one and they should set it. Some people are better if it's something you do every single day. That could be a review of the day and plan the next day in the evening. Some people just like to do the same thing every day and that's what works for them.

For other people it's like, well, the week's crazy. In that case, maybe they just take a weekly review and carve out a Sunday. You can put a calendar appointment down for yourself on a Sunday, or a Saturday. Maybe you do an hour of introspection by yourself and then you have a call with your dad, your mom, your best friend or whatever and you tell them how your week went and analyze it together. That would even be a fine way to build some accountability.

Of course, you could do it monthly as well. Though, it's obviously a longer interval. Yeah, I think people should put a stake down. If somebody already has a decent review the day, review the week thing, potentially play with different variants of that. I do monthly planning. I'll put that up at ultraworking.com/sos, so people could check that out if they want to. I have some stuff for daily. I'll put that stuff up and I'll mention the questions we put on weekly reviews and such.

I think everybody here should pick a time to just say, bare minimum is what's going on? What do I do about it? What matters? What doesn't? Type stuff. Now that'll be – if that's music, could be vary for making music, that could be a very specific thing like, “Am I playing my scales? Am I composing? Am I playing live in front of people?” Right? Could vary in. Customize it for yourself.

I think establishing a habit of doing it in any format has such an immense amount of value. I question, whether somebody that was not in an extremely simple discipline, and there's some simple disciplines that are very important. I question whether there's something that’s not a simple discipline, could really hit the world-class levels, or even just normal everyday excellence.

I don't think people could get there without a regular introspection habit. Everyone I know that's effective was like, “Hey, what's going on? How are things going? What's working? What's not working? What do I do about it?” On some regular interval. Could be daily, could be weekly, might work if it's just monthly. I think everybody here should get on that ASAP and look forward to it.

It's actually at first, it's a little like, “I'm learning how to do this,” but then you're getting some time to think and make sure you're on what really matters to you. I think that'll really change a lot of people's lives if they don't have something like that.

[01:07:01] MB: Just echoing one of the themes that's underpinned a lot of the conversation we've had today, the first time you do it it's not going to be perfect and you're not going to –you're going to get some insights, but it's going to be messy and sloppy and you're going to be learning through it. You have to have that baked in in some way to really truly harvest the results over time.

Sebastian, where can people who want to learn more about you, about all the things that you're working on and writing and sharing, etc., what is the best place for them to find you and your work online?

[01:07:33] SM: I'll put some templates up that people can use. Check out the monthly planner the next time the month rolls around, next time it's like the last few days month. You go to ultraworking.com/sos. We'll hook you up with some of our best stuff and it's totally free and you can get on that.

Yeah, that'll be really cool. I'll include my links to some my favorite stuff. I tell you what, I'm going to put one other thing up there, Matt. I'm going to get on your case to maybe give me some book notes that haven't been released before or something like that and I’ll link that up and we'll put those in there too. Obviously release them and put them out to everybody, but let's link up some of your best book notes, because these are really a work of art.

People who are just listening are like, “Wow, this Marshall guy is really flattering Matt.” No, they're really good for real. We got to get some of those out. I'm going to twist your arm a little bit and let me link up one of those, so that the world can check them out.

[01:08:21] MB: Okay, we'll make that happen. This has got me thinking more broadly about ways to maybe share those on a more systematic basis, or start to share those with the listeners in some way. I like that you've planted that seed.

[01:08:33] SM: I'm just doing it selfishly. I just want to get credit for getting your beautiful book nose out into the world. They really are. People listening are like, “Really?” I'm like, “Yeah, really. They're really good.”

[01:08:42] MB: You're very kind. Anyway, Sebastian, thank you so much for coming on the show, for sharing all these insights, lots and lots of concrete things for the listeners to execute and apply some of these principles in their lives.

[01:08:53] SM: It's a pleasure, Matt. Godspeed.

[01:08:55] MB: Thank you so much for listening to the Science of Success. We created this show to help you our listeners, master evidence-based growth. I love hearing from listeners. If you want to reach out, share your story, or just say hi, shoot me an e-mail. My e-mail is matt@successpodcast.com. That’s M-A-T-T@successpodcast.com. I’d love to hear from you and I read and respond to every single listener e-mail.

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August 01, 2019 /Lace Gilger
Focus & Productivity
Dr. Thomas Hills-4.png

Big Tech is Flooding Your Senses & Stealing Your Attention - Fight Back! with Dr. Thomas Hills

July 18, 2019 by Lace Gilger in Focus & Productivity

In this episode we discuss information overload. How do you deal with a world where there is a constant and overwhelming stream of noise. How do you filter and decide what to pay attention to? How can you determine what’s worth your precious time and attention? What should you do with information that you disagree with? In a world full of more and more information, this interview with Dr. Thomas Hills explores the solution that will help you finally deal with information overload.

Dr. Thomas Hills is a professor of Psychology at the University of Warwick. His research involves using algorithmic approaches to understanding the human condition through language, wellbeing, memory, and decision making. He is a current fellow of the Alan Turing Institute and the Director of the Bridges-Leverhulme Doctoral Training Centre. He also, co-directs Warwick's Global Research Priority in Behavioural Science and his works have been published in numerous academic journals.

  • What is Information Overload?

  • Information overload has crept into our lives and changed our identities in a way that has gone almost completely unnoticed

  • This is a phenomenon that has crept into our lives and yet it’s gone largely unnoticed - we’ve had to outsource the information filtering in some way

  • There’s so much information that we have to outsource the filtering process in some way - either to other people, experts, thought leaders, or algorithms

  • Dr. Hill’s research began from studying how we make tough choices across hugely complex fields, beginning with things like how children learn language

  • There’s a whole “pandora’s box” under the problem of information overload

  • The question we have to ask ourselves - what’s the best way to go about dealing with something like information overload?

  • Whether we are looking at religion or even something as simple as the food you eat - you have the same problem

  • How do we decide what the right thing is? How do we make the right decision on the tough areas of life?

  • How do we decide the right filters are for information?

  • People only look for information that supports their existing beliefs and that is “incredibly dangerous.”

  • We only know the language / vocabulary of our past experiences - and that’s what we begin with to filter out our understanding of the world

  • The “vocabulary” for explaining the world that we already have constraints our ability to think, see, and understand the world in certain a

  • People tend to have very similar reactions to similar situations - learn from the experiences of similar people

  • You must look for people who have done or experienced what you want to understand and learn from them - case studies and base rates

  • It’s essential to seek out the beliefs and ideas from those you disagree with

  • There is an infinite amount of information around you - your brain can’t process all of it and is forced to filter out certain experiences and events

  • What is an attentional bottleneck? How does it shape our understanding of reality?

  • What is negativity bias? How does the innate, evolutionary bias baked into our brain cause us to focus on things that are negative

  • It’s really important to ask yourself - WHAT AM I BIASED ABOUT?

  • The more newspapers you read, the stupider you get.

  • If you’re not getting outside of your box, your safety zone, you’re getting dumber.

  • By exposing yourself to other people’s criticism you get smarter

  • You have to be willing to be wrong about something to get more right about it

  • Ask yourself - how might I be wrong? Why might I be wrong? Try to harness the wisdom of the crowd in your own head

  • The bleeding edge of the news is mostly noise.

  • Homework: If you know ahead of time what it is you want out of your relationship with reality and what it takes to get there.

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Want To Dig In More?! - Here’s The Show Notes, Links, & Research

General

  • [Profile] Warwick Department of Science - Thomas Hills

  • [Profile] The Alan Turing Institute - Thomas Hills

Media

  • [Article] “The Dark Side of Information Proliferation” by Thomas Hills

  • [Article] Medical Xpress - “Mass proliferation of information evolving beyond our control, says new psychology research” by University of Warwick

    • “Forage longer for berries, study on age-related memory decline suggests” by University of Warwick (2013)

  • [Directory] ResearchGate - Project profile

  • [Article] Psychology Today Column - Statistical Life by Thomas Hills

  • [Article] Science Daily - Bad news becomes hysteria in crowds, new research shows by Robert D. Jagiello and Thomas T. Hills

  • [Article] AlleyDog.com - Bottleneck Theory

  • [Article] PNAS - “The amplification of risk in experimental diffusion chains” by Mehdi Moussaïd, Henry Brighton, and Wolfgang Gaissmaier

  • [Wiki Article] Observational learning

  • [Wiki Article] Confirmation bias

  • [Article] Psychology Today - “The True Odds of Shooting a Bad Guy With a Gun” by Thomas Hills

  • [Article] LessWrong - “Dialectical Bootstrapping” by John Nicholas

  • [Article] Lars P. Syll - “Why reading newspapers makes you stupid”

  • [Article] Phys.org - “Booty, booby and nitwit—academics reveal funniest words” by Warwick University

  • [Article] Aeon - “Masters of reality” by Thomas Hills

    • Aeon - “Does my algorithm have a mental-health problem?” by Thomas Hills

  • [Research Project] Propaganda for Change

  • [Article] New Atlas - “Extremism and fake news: The dark side of too much information” by Rich Haridy

  • [Directory] Google Scholar Cited works by Thomas Hills

  • [Directory] Warwick Academic works directory, Thomas Hills

Videos

  • Warwick Newsroom - Dr Thomas Hils - Memory and Ageing

Books

  • [Book] Stumbling on Happiness by Daniel Gilbert

Misc

  • [SoS Episode] The Shocking Counter-Intuitive Science Behind The Truth of Positive Thinking with Dr. Gabriele Oettingen

  • [SoS Episode] Research Reveals How You Can Create The Mindset of a Champion with Dr. Carol Dweck

Episode Transcript

[00:00:04.4] ANNOUNCER: Welcome to The Science of Success. Introducing your host, Matt Bodnar.

[0:00:11.8] MB: Welcome to the Science of Success; the number one evidence-based growth podcast on the internet with more than three million downloads and listeners in over a hundred countries.

In this episode, we discuss information overload. How do you deal with a world where there's a constant and overwhelming stream of noise? How do you filter and decide what to pay attention to? How can you determine what's worth your precious time and attention? What should you do with information that you disagree with and a world full of more and more and more information? This interview with Dr. Thomas Hills explores the solution that will help you finally deal with information overload.

I’m going to tell you why you’ve been missing out on some incredibly cool stuff if you haven’t signed up for our e-mail list yet. All you have to do to sign up is to go to successpodcast.com and sign up right on the home page.

On top of tons subscriber-only content, exclusive access and live Q&As with previous guests, monthly giveaways and much more, I also created an epic, free video course just for you. It's called How to Create Time for What Matters Most Even When You're Really Busy. E-mail subscribers have been raving about this guide.

You can get all of that and much more by going to successpodcast.com and signing up right on the home page, or by texting the word smarter to the number 44-222 on your phone. If you like what I do on Science of Success, my e-mail list is the number one way to engage with me and go deeper on what I discuss on the show, including free guides, actionable takeaways, exclusive content and much, much more.

Sign up for my e-mail list today by going to successpodcast.com and signing up right on the home page, or if you're on the go, if you're on your phone right now, it's even easier. Just text the word smarter, that's S-M-A-R-T-E-R to the number 44-222. I can't wait to show you all the exciting things you'll get when you sign up and join the e-mail list.

In our previous episode, we discussed how to beat FOMO, the fear of missing out. How do you overcome the emotional barriers and fears of missing out and saying no to things? How do you get over the awful feeling of turning down opportunities? We share simple, actionable strategies for you to say yes to yourself and for you to say yes to what's really important and actually matters in your life. We share a great strategy that you can use to make a huge difference in your life in two minutes or less, and we dig into the important concept that in a world drunk on speed, slowness is a superpower. All that and much more with our previous guest, Carl Honore.

Now, for our interview with Dr. Hills.

[0:03:15.2] MB: Today, we have another exciting guest on the show, Dr. Thomas Hills. Thomas is a Professor of Psychology at the University of Warwick. His research involves using algorithmic approaches to understanding the human condition through language, well-being, memory and decision-making. He is a current fellow of the Alan Turing Institute and the Director of the Bridges Lever-Leverhulme Doctoral Training Centre. He also co-directs Warwick's global research priority in behavioral science and his works been published in numerous academic journals. Thomas, welcome to the Science of Success.

[0:03:45.6] TH: Thanks for having me on the show. This is really fun that you and I – I think your listeners are interested in this area. Yeah.

[0:03:50.5] MB: Yeah. I mean, this is a topic that I think is so, so important. As your research demonstrates, is becoming increasingly important, because it's so dangerous and fraught and potentially problematic. I'd love to begin with this idea of information overload. That's almost a buzzword these days. We hear it all the time about how much information there is and all this new content being created, etc., but you really took a more scientific approach to looking at and thinking about this. Tell me what inspired you to dig into that research and what did you uncover.

[0:04:22.0] TH: Right, right. I think you're right. Information overload have been this buzzword for a long time. I think most people have got it wrong, right? Which is to say most people think they know what information overload is. They think, “Gosh, my phone's going off all the time and I get on the news website and there's all these things blink in on the side of the screen.” They think that's information overload, right?

Really, there's this way that information overload creeps into our lives and it changes our identities, right? It changes the way the way we are and the way we think about things. It does it in this almost secretive way. Part of it is the algorithms that are running underneath, the recommendation systems that are running underneath, personalized news that are running underneath the fact that people might like to listen to your podcast, for example. They think, “I the stuff that Matt has to say and he's going to say interesting things, and so I'm going to go back and I'm going to listen to that again.” That means that in a sense, that you get to control what it is that they're listening to.

Part of it is that there's so much information that we necessarily have to filter it for ourselves, or algorithms have to filter it for us, so we let other people do the filtering. As a consequence, that changes who we are in part by what kinds of information we actually get fed. I found this partly by accident. My research looks at the way people interact with really complicated information. When I say really complicated information, I mean, things like language.

How does a little kid learn language, right? This little kids bopping around and they don't know anything about all the sounds they're hearing around them. They're just hearing the sounds, right? You imagine a dog, right? Listening, walking around the house and people are talking and then no idea what any of these words mean, right? Little kids doing the same thing, and so how is this kid going to pick out which words are the important words, or which sounds are the important sounds, or which concepts are the things that they should learn, out of all the thousands of possible things they could learn?

The stuff that I do are building algorithms and looking at experimental data at the way – well, one of them is of course the way kids learn language. Also looking at the way adults might choose well, in behavioral economics, they're often like gambles, right? You might imagine. How do you choose a song out of all the possible songs? Or how do you choose a pension out of all the possible pension plans? How do you choose any particular thing when there's so many different varieties? It's just this little kid learning language, right?

What you learn, I think, or what I've learned in my research is that there are these cues out there in the environment. They're partly based on our predispositions. We have predispositions for certain kinds of information; information that's belief consistent, right? Do we do we already understand it in a way, or have we heard it before? Then it becomes the thing that's attractive, right? Or is it negative, right? If it's negative, then it becomes a warning sign. It's almost like a stop sign, or a police siren and these kinds of things.

In any case, all these things led me to realize, gosh, there's a whole, if you will, Pandora's box underneath this problem of information overload. It's just a matter of hardly of us organizing and understanding how it's affecting our own identities and the evolution of those identities.

[0:08:03.1] MB: Well, you bring up two really good points; one is this idea that this phenomenon is basically crept into our lives. Yet, we may not even have noticed, or really realized it. The second is this idea that there's so much information out there that it's almost necessary to filter it out in some form or fashion, whether that's relying on a thought leader, or an expert or an algorithm. There's just so much that there's no other real way to get some distillation of it.

[0:08:31.6] TH: That's right. I guess, partly the question that we have to ask ourselves is what's the best way to go about this, right? It's when you're a kid and you get many of us anyway. We grew up probably in a quasi-religious, or maybe more or less religious background. It was just one religion, right? That we got talked to in general. It was probably one religion that we got exposed to as a child. You might ask yourself, “Okay.” Many people do, right? I mean, this is a stereotype of the kid who finally they reach their early – or their late teens, or their early 20s and they're thinking to themselves, “Is the religion that I practice as a child, is that the religion that I want, right? That I want to pursue in my life? Why do I believe this thing and not this other thing?”

This is saying, well look, you got filtered one information as a child, but there's all different kinds of ways to believe about the meaning of your own life, or even really simple things, like what are you going to eat in your diet, or how are you going to bring your own kids up, or what relationship are you going to have with other people? What moral values you’re going to you have? All those are when you start questioning them, I mean, I think that's the point where you get exposed, or you realize there's all these other choices in the world, there's all these other kinds of information out there. How do you take, if you will, a practical, adaptive, functional, well-adjusted perspective on all this other kinds of information, right? I put it in this one context of religion, right? It applies to everything.

We get indoctrinated by the way we grow up and by the way information is exposed to us. Then we have to make a decision, or make a series of decisions, or maybe if we're I guess appropriately enlightened, we're constantly making these decisions about is this the information that I think is valuable? Is it telling me what I need to know? Should I be asking more questions or not?

[0:10:40.0] MB: I love the example of things, starting with religion, but even going something as simple as diet. There's almost an infinite amount of filters that are running in the background that have been pre-programmed, or implanted in us from whether it's our experiences, or random chance, or the people we happen to grow up around. All of these shape the way that we perceive and interact with information. Even information we decide whether or not we want to interact with.

[0:11:06.3] TH: Yeah, that's right. I mean, I guess how do we decide what the right thing is? I think that's a really tricky thing. Like the way many of us do, which is in my research is associated with people's pursuit for belief consistent information. They look for things that support what they already believe in. This is so incredibly dangerous. I mean, it's not just dangerous to other people, right? It's dangerous to yourself.

If you think that you're going to take an intelligent route through your life, let's say through your relationship, right? This is something that many of us have, right? We have a relationship with some person, right? We care about this personal life a lot. Now how are we going to have a good relationship with that person, right? We might think, “Oh, well. The way I grew up is the way I should have this relationship with this other person, right? Following in the footsteps of my parents.” We might think, “Oh, well that was the right way to do it, because that's the way I was exposed to it.”

Then when we go looking for evidence that that's true, we might only know, if you will, the language that's consistent with what we already experienced, right? Dad goes to work and maybe mom, how is it – maybe she doesn't go to work, or maybe she has a different job, right? I mean, I'm almost harking back to the 50s in a way. I mean, this isn't so much – The modern world is very different, but there's still many of these predispositions, or stereotypes that we carry around with us. When you go to question them, we have to use the language that we already understand.

Imagine typing something in Google, right? It's like, how do I have a better relationship with my wife, for example? Well, you've used the word wife, right? You used the word better, right? You're already, if you will, constrained by your language. You constantly have to be looking out for these new ways to think about it. How many different ways can you ask for a good relationship, can you ask to improve your relationships with people?

[0:13:19.6] MB: That's a great point. I love the idea of how our vocabulary, and I think it applies in a literal sense to the actual words that we use, but also in a broader sense, the vocabulary of experiences and understanding and ideas that we have, fundamentally shape the way that we interact with the world and the experiences we have in the past shape and define how we even begin to approach the problems and challenges of our lives.

[0:13:45.1] TH: That's right. That's right. Many cases, it's really important. Dan Gilbert talks about in his book, Stumbling on Happiness, right? It's if you wanted to have a happy life, or let's say if you wanted to have – you want to make the right decision, right, in a particular context. Let's say the context is you get an opportunity to move to some interesting place, say that you've always dreamt about when you were younger. You get the opportunity to move, but if you’re to do that, you have to open to your family or whatever else right? You might think, “Well, is that a good decision or a bad decision?”

What Dan Gilbert says, this is incredibly valuable wisdom that most of us don't use as often as we should. He says, people tend to have very similar reactions to similar consequences, right? If someone else loses a child and you wanted to know what it's like to lose a child, then you ask that person, right? What's it like to lose a child? If you moved at some point in your life, you might ask people who've already experienced that, because chances are you’re going to have a very similar trajectory, in terms of your experiences.

You might imagine that if you didn't do that, you might imagine that let's say, after the honeymoon is over when you first moved to any place and this always happens, right? You moved in a new place and meeting in personal wherever else and there's sex, that honeymoon phase and everything's beautiful. Then you start to have these hiccups, right? There start to be these situations where it's like, “Gosh, this isn't what I thought it was going to be.”

If you didn't go out and asked a bunch of other people what it's going to be like, you might think, “Oh, well these hiccups reflect the fact that this is imperfect, but this is not the right path for me, right? That I've made a mistake. That I'm never going to recover from this, right? It's never going to get better. It was good and now it's getting bad,” right? If you ask other people who've been in these situations, what they'll tell you of course is what their experience was and many of those things will let you know that in fact, there is a pattern, right? There's a way that people experience these different events.

My central point is that when we are trying to come up come up with a new vocabulary to understand a new way to conceptualize our experiences in different situations, asking other people is really vital, because especially people that we wouldn't normally ask, right? We're really looking for information that doesn't confirm what we already believe. We're looking for new perspectives, new language, new ways to conceptualize the reality of our lives.

[0:16:16.9] MB: You bring up a bunch of really important points. The last thing you said is obviously essential, which is this idea of seeking out perspectives from people who have difference of opinion, or people who disagree with you. Even what you said earlier, which may be a little bit of a tangent, but I think is worth underscoring is this idea of if you want to understand the consequences of anything and you could also use this in a proactive sense, if you want to achieve a certain thing, go look at the people who've done it in the past and study them, whether it's a case study, or even bringing in the mental model of base rates and starting to understand, “Okay, well what does the general experience look like? Is my experience matching up to that, or what is the general roadmap of that particular activity, or achievement look like? How am I on that roadmap?” Are very useful tools.

I want to bring us all the way back and come back to this problem of information overload. One of the important themes from your research was this notion of attentional bottlenecks. Tell me a little bit more. We touched on some of the core ideas around that, but tell me little bit more exactly what is an attentional bottleneck and why are they so dangerous in the way that we process information today?

[0:17:23.6] TH: Yeah. People who studied memory, speech, comprehension, I mean, these are really fundamental ideas in psychology, right? People have been studying them for years, in some cases, hundreds of years. What we know is that you can't process all the information that you experience. I mean, everything that's going on now, there’s all kinds of sounds that they're in probably in the room around you, or that are coming through the speaker, or they're outside the car, if you're listening to this in your car, or whatever. Your brain doesn't process all that stuff.

What your brain processes is a subset of the information that it thinks is relevant at any given point in time. Now that's the first part, right? That's just the first step. Now later on today, you may think back to when you heard this and you may think, “Okay, well what do I remember about that?” There's going to be certain things that your mind says, “Well, Thomas said this and Matt said that. Or this other thing happened while I was listening to this podcast.” Those are things that come to mind, right? Your brain can roll them over and think about which of these is important, which of these is worth remembering.

Then later on, you'll be in a conversation with somebody, right? One of those might pop into your head and you might think, “Oh, well this is worth repeating in this particular context, because it's related to the news this person is reading, or whatever conversation is,” right? All those things, that whole process is a circle. There's a circle from the point at which you hear the information and your brain has to decide which parts of it are important. That's a piece of attentional bottleneck.

Later on when you're trying to remember more particular things, there's another piece of attentional bottleneck, because you can't remember everything you heard. You won't be able to. You have to search for it in your head. Even if you had eidetic memory, where you just coded everything perfectly, you still have to search for it. Your brain still has to – if you will, stumble around in your memory and say, “Okay, well there's this piece and there’s this piece and there's this piece and that was really this thing.” All these things are coming, getting filtered through this process, even to the point where you speak.

Then you speak, right? Now somebody else is at the party with you, or sitting at the table and they speak too. Now there's these other people who are sitting across the table, their attentional bottlenecks come into play now, right? Now they're hearing a bunch of different information and their brains have to decide which parts are worth paying attention to, which parts are worth remembering, which parts are worth repeating later on.

When that happens iteratively. He's got the attentional bottleneck at multiple places along the way. When that happens iteratively, it changes the kinds of information that's out there to listen to. That's just trying to lay out what the attentional bottleneck is and how it has a consequences for the evolution of information.

[0:20:19.4] MB: That's super important, and underscores the big challenge with dealing with all this information, or the way our brains are physically structured, the amount of even in any given moment, let alone when you're talking about news and Facebook feeds and all this other stuff, and any given second, the experience around you is so rich with so much context and so much information that we physically cannot process and store and retrieve all of it effectively.

[0:20:44.7] TH: Yeah, that's exactly right. The weird thing is the Buddhists and some of the Eastern philosophers, and I think this is fabulous, right? They say your brain basically makes it easy for you by categorizing all this information before – oftentimes, before it really understands it, right? This is where you get things like stereotypes and you get, “Oh, yeah. I've heard that before,” right? Your brain just tells you this before you even think about, “Oh, yeah. This isn't interesting, because this person is so-and-so,” right? Or racism and bigotry and things like that. I don't need to pay attention to that. I already know how it works, right? That categorization, that pre-categorization further limits your ability to understand the reality you're in, because your brain is already telling you it knows it all already.

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[0:22:50.5] MB: I want to dig into some of the specific biases, and you can you touch on a couple of them earlier, but some of the specific biases that we can fall prey to when dealing with this information overload and whether it's selecting information, whether it's all the news that we receive, Facebook, etc. Tell me about, I want to start with one that I think is one of the most prevalent, one of the most dangerous is this idea of negativity bias.

[0:23:18.3] TH: Yeah, so negativity bias is psychologists and social researchers and even economists have seen this for the longest time. There's just so much evidence for this, right? The basic idea is that if there's a bunch of different possible pieces of information you could be paying attention to, your mind ranks all these things, right? Which ones are going to be the ones that are most likely to pass through that attentional bottleneck?

One of the dimensions that it uses is how negative, or dangerous is the information. What that means is if you're talking about something like, let's talk about nuclear power, or something like that for a second. With nuclear power, there's all kinds of positive benefits to this. As soon as we start talking about a nuclear power, you're already – you can already feel these things in the back of your head. There’s like, “What about the dark side, right? The negative side of nuclear power? Aren't there these dangerous things about nuclear power?” That's the negativity bias coming in, right?

We know from countless research studies that this is much stronger than the positive side, right? If you let people talk about nuclear power for a while, there's a study within Robert Jagiello, you let people talk about nuclear power for a while and they share that information with other people and then those people share it with other people and so on, it's called a social diffusion chain in research literature. You have these social diffusion chains. What happens is that you can give the first people very balanced information about a nuclear power, but if you let them talk about it for a while in the social diffusion chain, what happens is all the positive information just gets sucked out of the air. All that's left is the dangerous aspects, the risks, right?

Then people start to worry about it, right? Then the language around nuclear power gets more and more negative. You see this happen with people discussing antibacterial agents. You see this happen with people discussing food additives. You can see this happening in the world around you all the time, because the news is a journalists, or they’re at the front line of this attentional filter. They know that if they talk about the worst thing that happened in the world today that they're going to have your attention, right?

There's all kinds of interesting news going on in the world, right? They know that when you go looking on the news, whatever the worst thing is and obviously, it's worst for you, but of course, it's going to be worse than average for a lot of people. They know if they can just tap into that negativity bias, you're more likely to click on their news article and go, “Yeah, okay. I want to hear more about this bombing, or this explosion, or this person who was murdered by their way wife, or this thing.” That's the negativity bias.

[0:26:06.0] MB: I've never heard of social diffusion chain, but that's fascinating. It's almost a game of telephone, except things just keep getting more and more negative.

[0:26:15.6] TH: That's exactly right. Yeah. It is exactly a game telephone, where things just get more negative. Yeah, that's called social risk amplification, right? It's basically this observation that when people have these telephone conversations, the conversations just get more and more negative.

[0:26:31.4] MB: Nuclear power is a great example of that. We had a previous guest on the show, maybe a year or two ago, a guy named Dan Gardner, we’ll throw his episode in the show notes, but he talks about the exact same thing, which is this idea of we live in one of the healthiest, happiest, safest times in human history. There's not a better time to have ever been alive from all kinds of different metrics. Yet, people who spend all their time reading the news think that the world is getting more dangerous, that there's more pain and suffering and all these different things. It’s really, really fascinating.

[0:27:05.7] TH: Yeah, yeah. That's right. That's right. I'm really curious as to what's driving that, right? Because you might think the causality is that we hear more about negative things, just because telecommunication systems, or whatever else, internet and information is just better, and so there's just more negative information for us to hear about. We just happen to hear about it, because of these filters, right? It might be the case that our concern, our ability to be concerned about different things has changed in the last 100, 200 years.

We've done another research study on the history of the word risk, right? In the 1800s, the word risk was a word that people used about, associated with the loss of lives in war and combat things like that. Whereas these days, that risks are associated with all kinds of things, especially medical and health related things, and risk of dying of cancer and risk of heart disease and all of these kinds of things, right? Risk has become much more prevalent, where it's become a much more negative word.

It may be that really what's happening is our capacity to be worried about things has increased. As alongside of our ability to hear all this negative information, and that's actually helping us to make things safer, despite the fact that we're paranoid, right? We wind up being worried about everything, but it's that worry in a sense that's making life safer and better at the same time. It's a weird catch-22, if that's true. I'm not sure.

[0:28:41.1] MB: It's a fascinating bias. I'm not sure what the cause or cycle is, but it's an interesting discussion. I want to also dig into something you touched on earlier, which is one of the most insidious biases, which is the idea of belief consistency and how it's so easy to seek out information that already confirms what you believe, or want to be true, and put away, or ignore, or hide under the rug things that might shine a different light, or conflict with what you believe.

[0:29:12.1] TH: Yeah. It goes by all kinds of names. Many of them we've heard before, things like confirmation bias, right? Bias assimilation and motivated reasoning. Groupthink is another one, right? It's even related to things like cultural codes, like who are you going to listen to? Are you're going to listen to people who are not in your in-group, people who are in the out-group? You might just discount them immediately. That's another kinds of confirmation bias.

I mean, I always loved – confirmation bias is great, because it's a – it's the perfect criticism, right? It's I write things a little bit online about the true odds of shooting a bad guy. This is an article I wrote for Psychology Today, which is basically about what happens to a bullet when it leaves a gun, right? It's interesting statistical information, right? It’s effectively all the statistics I could find about what happens to bullets when they leave guns. I get all kinds of criticism, because of this article from different people, mainly people who are worried about gun control, right? For some reason, they seem to feel statistics are somehow anti-gun control, which I don't think that's true, right? I think the statistics are actually really important, whichever side of the issue you’re on.

Many of them will say, “Oh, well it's just confirmation bias, right? It's almost a very bland, abstract criticism.” To some extent, it just has to be true, right? It's like, I decided that I was going to write about where bullets go when they leave guns, right? Yeah, I'm biased just by the very nature of the question, right? Then I'm biased by the kinds of statistics that are available, right? I'm biased by the language that I use to describe the victims whoever they are.

The majority of bullets that leave guns go in to the head of the person who's shooting, right? They're killing themselves, right? Most people commit suicide with guns, that's where bullets go, right? I mean, and there's so many implicit biases just in that observation, right? Yeah, I think confirmation bias is for a criticism that lets – it's really easy to use against other people, but I think it's actually really important for all of us to think about what am I biased about? How am I biased about the things I believe, the things I listen to?

Nassim Taleb talks about when you read the newspaper, it makes you stupid. The more newspapers you read, the stupider you get. Why? Because you choose which newspapers to read, right? When you do that, you tend to choose things that tell you what – they slant the news in a way that's already consistent with your prior beliefs, right? That just makes you dumber, right? You have to go outside of your box. You have to get outside of your safety zone, if you will, in order to overcome the confirmation bias. Otherwise, you're a victim just like, well, just like me and just like everyone else.

[0:32:02.1] MB: That's such an important principle. It's easy to hear about something like confirmation bias, or belief consistency bias and think that's a problem that afflicts your opponents, or the people you disagree with intellectually about anything. When in reality, the number one place you should start with this investigation, really any investigation is with yourself, right?

[0:32:22.5] TH: Yeah, that’s right.

[0:32:23.2] MB: Asking yourself, what am I biased about? Am I really pushing myself to get outside of my own intellectual comfort zone to soak up information that I might disagree with, or I might not like, to really figure out what's actually true and what's really – what's reality really look like.

[0:32:41.0] TH: Yeah, I think that's right. I think that's right. I want to use this this gun control thing again just to describe that, because one of the things that was really powerful to me in writing about that, and I've written several of these things also about what would it be like in Norway, Brevik, the Norwegians had guns when the Brevik came and things like that, right? One of the powerful things I found out when I wrote about those things was in fact, how little I knew, right?

I went out of my way to try to find all the evidence I could to describe it and these kinds of things, but there were a number of people who were very vocal and who commented on these things and on these things that I wrote. They basically said, “Look, Thomas. You're wrong, because of this reason and this reason.” They weren't always nice. I wish they were nice, but they weren't always nice. They said, “You're wrong, because of this reason and you're wrong because of that reason and you’re wrong because of this reason.”

I looked into it, right? Oftentimes, they were actually telling me things I didn't know, right? They were saying, “Hey, look. You've got to pay attention to these kinds of – these set of statistics over here, which I wouldn't say I neglected. I just didn't know about it, right? You didn't know about these set of statistics, or you're not thinking about these cultural issues that deal with these kinds of things,” right? That was incredibly valuable. In other words, in order for me to become smarter about the issues, and I won't say I'm smart about the issue, but I became smarter about the issue because I was willing to talk about it and expose myself to criticism from other people. In doing that, I was able to, if you will, disconfirm some of my own biases, because I went into it writing, thinking, “Oh, I know what the issue is with guns and bullets and these kinds of things, right?”

By exposing myself to other people's criticism, basically by making a claim and allowing other people to say, “No, Thomas. You're wrong.” I was able to disconfirm many of my biases. I'm sure I'm still very biased, but by exposing myself, I was able to deal with some of these issues. I think that's one of the key ways that people can help deal with their own biases, right? As they actually make a statement, right? They actually say, “Look, this is how I think it might work. What do you think?” Then they listen to what people say when they respond back to them and they go.

In other words, you're not going into it thinking you're right and you have to defend your flag to the death, right? You're thinking, you're going to put a flag in the ground and you're going to say, “Okay, I put this flag in the ground. I think this is how it works. Now what do you think?” Then other people can say, “Well, I think actually that's the wrong place to put the flag,” which is typically what happens to me. Or it's like, I'm willing to put the flag in the ground, but other people were like, “Well, look. That's really the wrong place to put it. Don't put it there. Put it over there or somewhere else, or something like that.” Then I go, “Oh, yeah. Okay, it actually makes it better. Makes more sense if I don't defend that claim, because that one is wrong. To me, you better defend this claim.”

It actually helps me understand and be more resilient. It allows me to build, if you will, more defensible beliefs, more rigorous beliefs, beliefs that are better able to predict the future and that are better able to help other people understand what it is I'm trying to say.

[0:36:00.3] MB: This comes back to a fundamental question, right? It really depends on what are you trying to optimize for? As you said, by exposing yourself to other people's criticism, you get smarter. When you constantly seek out information that already confirms what you believe, you're actively getting dumber. Really, the question is do you want to optimize for feeling better and feeling you're right and feeling vindicated, or do you want to optimize for actually being smarter? Because the path to being smarter oftentimes involves getting criticized and hearing things you don't want to hear and having people beat up your ideas and tell you why you're wrong, but then you march down the path and you end up being much better off as a result of that.

[0:36:39.0] MB: Yeah, yeah. I think that is so key. There's people, like Carol Dweck who makes this – a relatively well-known psychologist who makes this nice distinction about performance and mastery, or she talks about in terms of mindset. I'm sure mixing up several different languages here. The idea is that if you have a performance mindset, you just want to be right all the time, right? That basically means you're just going to wind up with a closed mouth most of the time. The best way to be right is not to say anything, right?

If you have a mastery mindset, which is to say I really want to understand this. This is so important. I'm willing to be wrong about it, in order to get more right. I want to master this particular thing, then you're willing to make mistakes, right? Then you say, “In fact, I have to make mistakes. I have to get it wrong, in order to figure out what the boundaries are my own understanding.”

[0:37:32.1] MB: Yeah, I'm a huge, huge fan of Carol Dweck; probably one of my all-time favorite research psychologists. She's a previous guest on the show as well, so we'll throw her episode into the show notes for listeners who want to check that out.

I mean, we've talked about a number of these biases. I want to dig into now and when we've honestly started down this path a little bit already, but what are some of the things that listeners can do to deal with this amount of information overload? The fact that the information we're receiving is filtered and curated in ways that might be reinforcing what we already believe and the fact that our brains evolved in a way that makes it really difficult to figure out what's actually true.

[0:38:11.4] TH: Yeah. I think there are many different kinds of ways to deal with this, right? We're starting I think as modern – as members of modern culture, we're starting to maybe accumulate these different ways. I think one of the ways that – a first step is asking yourself, how might I be wrong? There's a good friend of mind and researchers, and Stefan [inaudible 0:38:36.6] in Berlin, he studied this idea called dialectical bootstrapping, which is basically look, you've got to make a decision, okay?

Let's say when was the Battle of Waterloo, or something like that? Or what percentage of the population in the US exercises every day, or something like that, right? It's a very simple question, right? You can just guess, right? Okay, no risk. You just make a guess. Okay, but now ask yourself, how might that guess have been wrong, right? Why might it be wrong? You might say, “Well, it might be wrong because maybe Napoleon wasn't active at that point in time, or maybe I'm overestimating the number people exercise because I'm thinking maybe they're like me, that thing, or I'm not really thinking about the demographics in the US, which is there's a lot more old people now than there used to be.” Whatever, it doesn't matter, right? You come up with the reasons of why you might be wrong, right? Then you make another guess.

It turns out that when you average those two guesses, you're much more accurate than if you took the first guess, or if you took the second guess. It's almost like you're using the wisdom of the crowd in your own head, right? You're basically trying to create multiple voices in your head that basically say, it could be this and it could be that, right? That's just a first step, right? How might you be wrong? I mean, the second step we already talked about, which is trying to get opinions of other people. They might be going on asking them, or it might just be willing to make a claim in a public space, right? That other people can say, “No, no, no. Matt, you're definitely wrong about that,” that kind of thing. That you can get smarter. Then you have to be willing to say, “Okay, they're telling me I'm wrong. Why might I be wrong? Why might they be right in this particular case?” Those are a couple of ideas.

[0:40:32.9] MB: Yeah. I think both of those are great strategies. The hard part honestly, it's easy to intellectually think about asking yourself, “All right, how might I be wrong?” Try to beat ideas up. I think the hard part is getting over that the ego, getting over the resistance and the desire to push back and believe that you already know the answer, that you're already right.

[0:40:55.1] TH: Yeah. Yeah, definitely, definitely. You really want to be right, especially when you're around other people, right? I mean, the people who study this feeling of rightness, or the ego that drives us, right? They're very clear. In many instances, the reason why we care so much about being right is because what we're really interested in our coalitions, right? If we can just show other people that we're right or convince other people that we’re right, then we gain them as allies in this war on reality, or whatever it is that we're in, right? Which is probably really important, let's say 200,000 years ago.

It's important now, but I wouldn't say it’s – probably what really matters for your success in life right now is are you good at your job, right? Can you figure out what it is you actually want to do with your life, right? Neither of those are situations where coalitions are really important. I mean, to a degree, you need to have good relations with people in the workplace and that thing, but that is rarely about being right all the time.

[0:42:05.0] MB: Well, you bring up another really good point, which is this idea that these biases, these problems are rooted fundamentally in the evolutionary forces that shaped our brain and baked these biases in to begin with.

[0:42:17.1] MB: Yeah, yeah. Exactly. I mean, all the biases that I talk about, especially in this paper in the dark side of information proliferation, which is I guess has a lot to do with what we're talking about today. All those biases, the belief consistent one where you're more likely to believe things that are consistent with what you already believe, this is negativity bias, right? Your mind ranks and negative things as being really important. The social bias, it's like, what is everybody else doing in this hyper national social monitoring that's going on with their telephones these days, where we're just constantly monitoring everybody.

The last one I talk about there was this predictive, this obsession, this addiction we have with prediction. I mean, even this this show is an example of that. It’s like, we’re really addicted to trying to figure out how can we make it better and how can we predict what things are going to be like in the future and how can we best optimize these kinds of things? That's a good thing, right? None of us will disagree. This is good. It's good that we want to predict the future and we want to be better at things.

If you think about it just a little bit further, what you realize is that what this means is I constantly have to be following the news, right? The science publications on the news, because I need to be as up-to-date as they can possibly be about what causes cancer, for example, right? Or what the best way is to drink my coffee in the morning, or whatever, these kinds of things. It’s like, I've seen the level of predictive detail that we desire in our lives.

What that means is that we wind up living our lives in the noise, right? If you think about the signal, the signal being all the scientific research that's valid, that in a sense is going to persist, that's the signal. The noise is all the little deep, little fluctuations, these latest articles that said, “Oh, you know, too many olives cause cancer, or something like that.” I don't believe that, but I really – probably isn't out there. It’s like, this causes cancer, or that causes cancer, or this causes incontinence, or whatever, those kinds of things.

That bleeding edge of the news is mostly noise. It's just mostly journalists picking these things that we think, they think we're going to click on. That's the part where typically, there isn't this long history of evidence, right? It's one person, their laboratory with some research finding and it's really provocative. The whole reason it's interesting is because it's new, right? The whole reason that the journalist spots and goes, “Oh, yeah. This is a thing we really have to pay attention to, it’s because people don't believe it already,” right?

Whereas, it's really that the signal is mostly in these things we've known all along to be true. That necessity to be the bleeding edge of predicted patterns puts us in a place where we get battered around by this noisy news.

[0:45:31.4] MB: I couldn't agree more. One of the fundamental mental models that I try to use to govern where I spend my time and where I try to learn is to study things that either never change, or change very slowly over time. The more you can really reinforce and build a knowledge base around things that change very slowly, instead of focusing on the ephemeral, you can start to harness the power of compounding to really build a truly growing knowledge base that helps you accelerate the amount you can learn and understand about reality.

[0:46:03.1] TH: Yeah. I think that's exactly right. Yeah.

[0:46:04.7] MB: What would one piece of homework or action item be that you would give to somebody listening to this episode to start to concretely implement some of the themes and ideas that we've talked about today?

[0:46:16.1] TH: I think probably, one of the most important things that we haven't talked about, but I think it's actually key to dealing with all these kinds of things, is figuring out who you are and what it is you really want out of your relationship with reality. That's about listing your goals, right? I mean, Brian Tracy talks about it in Eat the Frog. There's a substantial amount of research, very strong research on what are called implementation intentions.

Implementation intentions, are you figuring out what it is you want, right? What's the future goal going to be? You're writing down these goals and then you're writing down exactly how you're going to implement them. This is what I'm going to do to achieve this particular goal. Meaning, this is the time I'm going to do it. This is when I'm going to do it. This is where I'm going to do it. This is how I'm going to do it, right? These are the resources I'm going to need. This is how I'm going to get the resources I need.

This sounds unrelated in a way, but it's not, because what happens is if we're going to deal with this information to lose that's all around us, there's so much of it, and in many ways, it's so biased by our own predispositions and by the people that it gets filtered to before it reaches us. If we don't have a really strong direction ahead of time, then we're just playing the noise, right? We're just getting bashed around by whatever the latest tweet is, or the latest social media chat, or this funny thing, or the latest news about this and that.

If we know ahead of time what it is we want out of our relationship with reality and what steps we’re going to take to get there, then we can say, “You know what? One of the things that I want to have is I want to be semi up-to-date on whatever that Twitter has happening in the Twitter sphere.” I'll give myself five minutes in the Twitter sphere, right? What I really care about is learning about, let's say behavioral economics, or something like that, and understanding how I can use that to improve other people's lives.

That means, I'm not going to wind up on the Twitter sphere and spend the rest of the evening there, or the rest of my life there. I know what I really want and I know how I'm going to spend my time to achieve it. Occasionally, I can give myself breaks to entertain, to keep up to date, or whatever and these kinds of things, give myself a break, this kind of thing. I know what my goals are and I know how I'm going to achieve them. That prevents me from being bashed around by the noise.

[0:48:54.1] MB: Yeah, what a great insight. That's fundamentally the same way that I think about it, which is this idea of figure out what you want and how you want to be in the world and what you want to optimize for. If you really spend some time thinking about that, it will make very clear what your priorities are and where to spend your time, and the reality is and in most cases, doing things, like reading the news, or catching up on the latest tweet are not at all where you should be focusing your time and energy.

[0:49:21.3] TH: They're not related to your goals.

[0:49:23.2] MB: Exactly. Yeah, that's a really simple way to put it.

[0:49:25.3] TH: They're distractions and temporary distractions. Not only that, they're mostly wrong in the first place. It's just not real.

[0:49:32.5] MB: Yeah. They're making you less happy and creating more negativity and fear as well.

[0:49:36.9] TH: Exactly. We could go on, right? It’s like the wormhole and it’s connected to something else and goodness gracious, is just – Yeah.

[0:49:45.8] MB: Thomas, where can listeners who want to learn more about you, about your research, about your work, find you online?

[0:49:51.3] TH: Yeah. I'm at the University of Warwick. I think, if you could type my name in and maybe type in Warwick or something like that, I'll pop up. I've written some articles about a wide variety of things. Doesn't matter, algorithm, have a mental health problem and the evolutionary value of shamanism as a way of reconstructing our identities and helping us make sense of really complicated issues. Most of the articles I've written, indeed even the dark side of information proliferation are available there.

Some of them are I should say, more popular than others. I would definitely say the dark side of information is – it is written in a way for a popular audience. People who are more – who are willing, if you will, to go to look a little deeper and go, “Okay, yeah. What is this thing called motivated reasoning, or confirmation bias, or dread risks, or these kinds of things?” The whole vocabulary there for thinking about information.

[0:50:48.4] MB: Well, Thomas, thank you so much for coming on the show and sharing all this wisdom. We'll make sure to include everything we talked about in today's show notes. It was a fascinating conversation and really got to the heart of some of the biggest issues that we're facing today.

[0:50:59.9] TH: Great. Thanks, Matt. I really appreciate it. Yeah. Thanks for having me.

[0:51:03.1] MB: Thank you so much for listening to the Science of Success. We created this show to help you our listeners, master evidence-based growth. I love hearing from listeners. If you want to reach out, share your story, or just say hi, shoot me an e-mail. My e-mail is matt@successpodcast.com. That’s M-A-T-T@successpodcast.com. I’d love to hear from you and I read and respond to every single listener e-mail.

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July 18, 2019 /Lace Gilger
Focus & Productivity
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How To Overcome FOMO: The Fear of Missing Out with Carl Honoré

July 11, 2019 by Lace Gilger in Focus & Productivity

In this episode we discuss how to beat FOMO - the Fear of Missing Out. How do you overcome the emotional barriers and fears of missing out and saying no to things? How do you get over the awful feeling of turning down opportunities? We share simple actionable strategies for you to say yes to yourself and for you to say yes to what’s really important and actually matters in your life. We share a great strategy you can use to make a huge difference in your life in two minutes or less and we dig into the important concept that in a world drunk on speed, slowness is a superpower - all that much more with our guest Carl Honoré.

Carl Honoré is a bestselling author, broadcaster and the creator of the Slow Movement. His TED talk on the benefits of slowing down has been viewed 2.6 million times. Carl has spoken all over the world to audiences ranging from business leaders and entrepreneurs to teachers, academics and medical practitioners. He is the author of In Praise of Slow, Under Pressure, The Slow Fix, and most recently Bolder. His books have been translated into 35 languages and been on the bestseller’s list of as many countries.

  • The world is speeding up and speeding up - how do we deal with the constantly accelerating pace of change and the rush for speed?

  • We need to reconnect with our inner tortoise more urgently than ever before

  • Sometimes faster is better, but sometimes there are times to slow down, too

  • “Forget frantic acceleration, mastering the clock of business means choosing when to be fast, and when to be slow."

  • Slowness has an important role to play in today’s world

  • Do you suffer from FOMO? Are you like a hamster on a wheel trying to do, learn, experience and achieve as much as possible as quickly as possible?

  • By becoming a hamster on a wheel you end up missing EVERYTHING and getting NOTHING and skimming the surface of life.

  • “The difference between successful people and very successful people is that very successful people say no to almost everything.” - Warren Buffet

  • "You can have anything you want but you can’t have everything” - Ray Dalio

  • How do you get over the emotional barriers and fears of missing out and saying no to things?

  • Take one thing off your to-do list each day and put that item on your “not to do” list

  • How do you get over the awful, strangulating panic of saying no to other people and saying no to opportunities?

  • By saying NO, you say YES to something much more important - your really important priorities and goals

  • By not saying no, you’re really saying no to the things that matter most to you - you’re saying no to yourself

  • You have to cultivate a long term perspective.

  • The things that eat up SO MUCH of your time are often things that are not important in the long run, and yet they crowd out what actually us.

  • Ask yourself - will this matter on my deathbed?

  • How do you start saying YES to yourself?

  • The most creative minds, the people who’ve gotten the most done throughout history are the people who understand the power of MOMENTS OF QUIET.

  • You will be more engaged, more switched on, more effective when you are in fast mode, when you take the time to have moments of quiet.

  • People who slow down are better able to deal with speed and a fast paced world than people who try to keep pace.

  • In a world drunk on speed, slowness is a superpower.

  • Human beings aren’t meant to be stuck constantly in roadrunner mode.

  • Sometimes you can get things done more quickly when you slow down.

  • A small injection of slowness can make a huge difference in your day, your week, or your year.

  • How 2 Minutes doing this one simple thing can make a HUGE difference in your creative thinking when dealing with a big problem.

  • When you slow down, you get more done.

  • Multi tasking is nonsense, the human mind cannot multitask.

  • A “fast” multi-tasker will take twice as long and make twice as many mistakes as a slow “mono-tasker"

  • "Slow is smooth, smooth is fast."

  • When you move too fast everything becomes a blur and nothing remains with you. It harms your memory. There’s an intimate bond between memory and slowness.

  • There is no such thing as a quick fix. Slow fixes actually work.

  • “There’s nothing worse than a quick fix."

  • When a quick fix blows up later on, sometimes we’re forced to spend the time and money to get it right the second time. Invest that time and money now on a real solution.

  • What does it mean to be aging in a world that is obsessed with youth?

  • We are in the “golden age of aging” - there’s never been a better time in human history to be aging

  • What are some of the benefits of getting older?

  • At 20 we worry about what other people think of us, at 40 we stop worrying about what other people think of us, at 60 we realize that they were never thinking of us at all.

  • How do you deal with facing your own mortality as you get older?

  • Homework: Do less. Look at your to do list and start cutting things out of it. Drop one thing a day and let more oxygen into your schedule.

  • Homework: Create time where you aren’t reachable and can unplug from gadgets. Turn your smartphone into a tool instead of a weapon of mass distraction.

  • Homework: Integrate some kind of slow practice into your day. Meditate, cook, go for a walk. Anything that can inoculate you against the virus of hurry.

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This week's episode of The Science of Success is presented by Dr. Aziz Gazipura's Confidence University!

You can learn to confidently connect with others, be bold, feel proud of who you are, and create the life you truly deserve!

What Would Your Life Look Like If You Have Double The Confidence?

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Want To Dig In More?! - Here’s The Show Notes, Links, & Research

General

  • Carl’s Website

  • Carl’s Wiki Page

  • Carl’s podcast The Slow Revolution

  • Carl’s Facebook and Twitter

Media

  • TED Speaker Profile

  • NPR- TED Radio Hour: What Happens When We Slow Down?

  • The Australian Financial Review - “Author Carl Honoré: stop whingeing about ageing, start winning at getting older” by Jill Margo

  • Noted - “Carl Honoré: 'Mortality gives ageing a bad name'” by Lynn Freeman

  • Bolder Book Site

  • Kinfolk - “An Interview with Carl Honoré” by Georgia Frances King

  • The Time UK - “Review: Bolder: Making the Most of Our Longer Lives by Carl Honoré — skipping towards the knacker’s yard” by John Sutherland

  • Sloww - “All the Ingredients from “The Slow Fix” by Carl Honore (Book Summary)” by Kyle Kowalski

  • Sloyu - “Interview Carl Honoré, ambassador for the Slow Movement” by Joost Scharrenberg

  • The Guardian - “Recession? The perfect time to slow down” by Carl Honore

  • [Podcast] Technology for Mindfulness - Ep. 14 - Carl Honore, “Slow Movement” Global Spokesman

  • [Podcast] Speaking Business Podcast - Carl Honoré - Go Slow

  • [Podcast] Keep Your Daydream - Ep #66 The Slow Movement with TED speaker Carl Honore

  • [Podcast] Every Woman - THE DELICIOUS PARADOX OF ‘SLOW’ IN THE WORKPLACE WITH CARL HONORÉ

  • [Podcast] Productivityist - Bolder with Carl Honoré

Videos

  • Carl’s YouTube Channel

  • Book Trailer: BOLDER: MAKING THE MOST OF OUR LONGER LIVES

  • Most viewed: Pace of Life: Britain versus Denmark

  • 2nd most viewed: Carl Honoré talks hyperparenting on Oregon Breakfast TV

  • Carl Honoré | TEDGlobal 2005: In praise of slowness

  • TED-Ed: Praising slowness - Carl Honore

  • The RSA - The Slow Revolution

  • Head Talks - Finding your Inner Tortoise - The Slow Movement by Carl Honore

  • Autism’s Individual - Review of in Praise of Slow, by Carl Honore

  • Speaker’s Spotlight - Reel clip Thinking slow and smart | Carl Honoré

  • Slow Down to Go Faster - The Power of Pause | Ralph Simone | TEDxUtica

Books

  • Bolder: RADIO 4 BOOK OF THE WEEK by Carl Honoré

  • In Praise of Slowness: Challenging the Cult of Speed by Carl Honore

  • Under Pressure: Rescuing Our Children from the Culture of Hyper-Parenting by Carl Honore

  • The Slow Fix: Solve Problems, Work Smarter, and Live Better In a World Addicted to Speed by Carl Honore

  • Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance: An Inquiry into Values by Robert M Pirsig

Misc

  • Science of Success Meditation Episodes

Episode Transcript

[00:00:04.4] ANNOUNCER: Welcome to The Science of Success. Introducing your host, Matt Bodnar.

[0:00:11.8] MB: Welcome to the Science of Success; the number one evidence-based growth podcast on the internet with more than three million downloads and listeners in over a hundred countries.

In this episode, we discuss how to beat FOMO, the fear of missing out. How do you overcome the emotional barriers and fears of missing out and saying no to things? How do you get over the awful feeling of turning down people and opportunities? We share, simple actionable strategies for you to say yes to yourself and for you to say yes to what's really important and what actually matters in your life. We share a great strategy that you can use to make a huge difference in your life in two minutes or less and we dig into the important concept that in a world drunk on speed, slowness can be a superpower. All that and much more with our guest, Carl Honore.

I’m going to tell you why you’ve been missing out on some incredibly cool stuff if you haven’t signed up for our e-mail list yet. All you have to do to sign up is to go to successpodcast.com and sign up right on the home page.

On top of tons subscriber-only content, exclusive access and live Q&As with previous guests, monthly giveaways and much more, I also created an epic free video course just for you. It's called How to Create Time for What Matters Most Even When You're Really Busy. E-mail subscribers have been raving about this guide.

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In our previous episode, we discussed cutting-edge brain hacks that sound they're straight out of science fiction. Is it possible to use technology to rapidly change the structure of your brain? How does your brain actually learn? What is neuroplasticity and why is it so important? What are the key things that you can do in your life to improve your brain health, memory and your performance? We discussed all of this along with a truly innovative technology that may be the key to unlocking super performance and massively accelerating your learning with our previous guest, Dr. Daniel Chao.

Now for our interview with Carl.

[0:03:22.0] MB: Today, we have another exciting guest on the show, Carl Honore. Carl is a best-selling author, broadcaster and the creator of the Slow Movement his TED talk on the benefits of slowing down has been viewed more than two and a half million times. He’s spoken all over the world to audiences ranging from business leaders and entrepreneurs, to teachers, academics and medical practitioners. He's the author of In Praise of Slow, Under Pressure, The Slow Fix, and most recently, Bolder. His books have been translated in over 35 languages and he's been on the bestseller list of many different countries. Carl, welcome to the Science of Success.

[0:03:57.3] CH: Thanks very much, Matt. Good to be with you.

[0:03:58.9] MB: Well, we're really excited to have you on the show today. We're big fans of your work and your message, so I can't wait to dig in and share some of these ideas with the audience.

[0:04:07.1] CH: Looking forward to it.

[0:04:08.6] MB: To begin, I'd love to start just with the idea of slowness. The funny thing is your original TED talk in the book came out almost 15 years, like it was 15 years ago at this point, 2004/2005 area. Yet, the world if anything since then has at least from my perspective, probably sped up even more. People are so obsessed with speed. If you thought they were obsessed with speed in 2005, it's probably another level today. How do you think about the obsession that our society has with speeding up and trying to condense everything and do so much so quickly?

[0:04:42.0] CH: Well, I do think that over the last 15 years in many ways, society has accelerated. Our experience of time has shrunk in a way that feeling of every moment of the day being a dash to the finish line that we never ever, ever seemed to reach and I think is even more acute now than it was when my first book came out.

I'm an optimist and I've been the center of this slow culture quake now for a decade and a half. I see a whole other side to the equation. There's another counter-current of people of all stripes raising the flag of slowness and saying, “Okay, things are getting faster.” That actually means we need to reconnect with our inner tortoise, if you like, more urgently than ever before.

I look back now to when my first book came out, all those years ago, and I mean, I'm just amazed by how far this slow idea has spread across the globe. It’s really infiltrated pretty much every field of human endeavor. There are now movements for you name it; from slow travel, slow fashion, through slow sex, slow technology, slow architectures slow education, slow food of course was there at the outset.

It seems to me that we've got the two tracks going here; one is the acceleration of everything and at the same time, this counter-current for slowing things down. Where that will go? I don't have a crystal ball. I don't know what point we’ll reach a stage when we actually stop trying to accelerate everything obsessively and start embracing the idea that sometimes slower is better. Because of course, this whole slow philosophy is not some wild extremist, fundamentalist reaction. You know what? I love speed, right? I'm not acting fast. Sometimes faster is better. We all know that. This slow creed is about doing things at the right speed, so understanding that sure, there are times to be fast, but there are also times to slow things down and that there are lots of different rhythms and paces and speeds and velocities and tempos to play within between. I think to me, slow is a mindset. It's about doing quality over quantity. It's about doing one thing at a time, which is so wildly against the zeitgeist at the moment.

It's ultimately about doing things not as fast as possible, but as well as possible. It's essence at its core, that's a very simple idea, a revolutionary one. Once you take that idea of trying to arrive at each moment, striving to live that moment, or do that task as well as possible instead of as fast as possible, then everything changes and everything gets a whole lot better, which is why I feel much less like a voice in the wilderness today than I did 15 years ago, because more and more people in every walk of life are waking up to the folly of doing everything in fast-forward and increasingly looking for ways to slow down.

That's from Silicon Valley and Wall Street, some of the fastest places on earth, to some of the slowest; yoga retreats and everyone in between I think is waking up to the need to find another gear, right? A slower gear.

[0:07:36.5] MB: Well, I think that's a great point, this idea that sometimes faster is better, but also sometimes it's really important to slow down as well.

[0:07:43.9] CH: Exactly. I stress, this is something that applies to absolutely everything. I'll give you an example, even in the workplace. I mean, we think of the workplace as being – and I think we're possibly rightly, the hardest nut to crack when it comes to selling the idea that slower is sometimes better, it's woven into our business vernacular. We talk about you snooze, you lose, the early bird catches the worm, lunch is for wimps, all these phrases that come bombarding at us from every angle, that reinforce the idea that faster is the only way forward. There's only one gear at work and that gear is turbo. If you slow down, you're roadkill.

Increasingly, people are waking up and realizing that actually, you need to slow down at work. There was a big survey done by The Economist magazine recently, where they investigated the pace of the modern workplace. The economists, they crunch the numbers, they go through the data they get down into the trenches and they really look at what's happening out there. The Economist came to a very clear conclusion; the final two lines in fact of that survey from The Economist magazine were forget frantic acceleration, mastering the clock of business means choosing when to be fast and when to be slow, right? There it is in a nutshell, the slow philosophy in action in the workplace. That's the Economist magazine, right?

It’s not Buddhist Monthly and it's not Acupuncture Weekly, right? It's the in-house bible of the go-getters, the most ambitious, entrepreneurial, successful and maybe even type-A people on the planet. They are coming to the same conclusion that I came to years go, and more and more people are arriving at, which is this slowness, has a role to play in the 21st century. You need different gears. You can't just have one gear.

[0:09:24.4] MB: You said something a minute ago as well that made me think of this, of slowing down and doing things. I'm probably going to paraphrase you, but doing things right or doing things well, I think is what you said, as opposed to just doing them as quickly as possible. That made me think of, I don't know if you've ever read Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance, but it really makes me think of that idea of quality from that book, which is a really important and powerful theme.

[0:09:45.1] CH: Yeah. I read that book many moons ago. It does echo through this slow revolution. It's very much people use different language to describe often the same thing. It's about being present, or in the moment, or something as simple as doing one thing at a time, instead of multitasking your way through stuff. Ultimately, it is about re-establishing quality before quantity. It's tricky for us, because we live in a world that has become a smorgasbord, an enormous, infinite buffet of things to do, eat, consume, experience. The natural human instinct is to want to do it all, right? To have it all, right? To just wolf your way right through that buffet.

That makes it difficult for us to enjoy. We all have that experience of being at a buffet, eating too fast, eating too much, not really enjoying it, coming out feeling a little bit stomach achy. I think that's a metaphor a little bit for the way we live much of our lives. We just gorge. We're always trying to cram more and more into less and less time.

That backfires because it means that we're racing through our lives, instead of living them. We're putting quantity before quality. I think increasingly, that's why people are saying, “Whoa, I'm not actually living this. I'm just racing and rushing through it.” I think because the taboo against slowness is so deep and so pervasive and so powerful and so toxic, it can make it difficult for us to slow down. We can feel that awful gorging sensation, but then we carry on doing it.

We keep on going fast. We keep on squeezing more and more into our planners, because we're appalled by the very idea of slow. It's a dirty word. Slow is a four-letter word in our culture. It's pejorative. It's a byword for lazy, stupid, unproductive, boring, all the things nobody wants to be. I think that taboo means that even when we yearn to slow down, even when we can feel in our bones it would be good for us to put on the brakes just once in a while, we don't do it, because we feel ashamed, or guilty, or afraid, or just we've lost a habit, inertia.

[0:11:55.2] MB: Such a great perspective and a way to think about it. I love the analogy of a buffet and an endlessly stuffing yourself, because life is filled with infinite options, infinite opportunities, so many things that are interesting and exciting. I mean, I feel this pole every single day. There's so much I want to do, so much I want to read, so much I want to experience and it's hard to cut back and make those choices and make those decisions.

[0:12:19.0] CH: Yeah. I mean, we've turned that fact that it's hard into an acronym. We talk about FOMO, right? This awful itching, fear of missing out right. I think that's very much a – I mean, it really sums up a lot of where we are now. We're just constantly running, like hamsters on a wheel, trying not to miss out on the next thing. Of course, the tart and terrible irony is that by becoming a hamster on the wheel and trying to squeeze more and more into every minute, we are actually missing out. We're trying to do way too many things, we end up doing them poorly, not enjoying them, burning ourselves out and skimming the surface of life, rather than digging deep and getting down into the core and the heart of the matter.

People often say to me, “Well, I can feel that I would love to slow down, but I can't slow down, right? If I slow down, life will pass me by.” The opposite is true. Life is actually what's happening right here, right now. If you don't slow down, you will pass it by. It's in a way, this whole slow philosophy is about flipping that round and bringing a different filter to the modern world and saying, well, the modern world is a wonderful thing. I'm not some Luddite who wants to throw away iPhones and have people living on communes.

I love so much about the modern world. I think there's – it can actually be immensely enriching and fun and productive and so on, but only if we bring the right spirit to the table, right? To me, that spirit is this slow idea. You say, okay, the world is this infinite buffet, but I cannot do it all. I'm going to focus on the two or three things that light me up, that put real fire in my belly that have proper meaning for me. Then I'm going to give my time and my full time and attention to those things.

I mean, this idea of missing out, even in the workplace people are trying chronically to do too much and it's backfiring on them, on their quality of life, on their health and their relationships, but it's also making them less effective, right? I mean, there's a wonderful quote, I think which is also a reflection of this slow rethink that's going on from Warren Buffett, the legendary investor. He once said, the difference between successful people and very successful people is very successful people say no to almost everything, right?

In my book, In Praise of Slow, could easily have been called in praise of no, right? Because we've got to bring back the art of saying no, of drawing lines in the sand and saying up to here and no further. That the things that we do do, we get the most out of, right?

[0:14:47.0] MB: That's a great quote from Buffett and reminds me of another really good quote from another hedge fund billionaire, Ray Dalio, which is you can have anything you want in life, but you can't have everything. That makes me think of this idea of saying no. How do we start to overcome the emotional barrier, the fear, the resistance of saying no to things?

[0:15:09.3] CH: It's not easy. I'm Pollyanna utopian. These things take a long time to get over, right? I think that we are marinated in this culture of speed and we're completely infested with the idea that there's only one answer to these questions, which is yes, and you can never say no. It's a process, right?

Whenever you're overcoming any addiction, and I don't use that word lightly. I do think we're addicted to speed, to distraction, to stimulation, to doing more and more all the time, it's a process, right? It's baby steps. You've got to take steps. Then maybe you’ll have two steps forward, you might have one step back. I always recommend that people run little trial-and-error projects, right? Rather than saying, “Tomorrow, I'm going to morph into the Dalai Lama, or I'm going to live that Warren Buffett quote, or the Dalio quote in every moment of my life for the rest of my days on the earth.” I mean, that's just not going to happen. You've got to nudge yourself there gently and know that sometimes you're going to fall off the wagon and then you're going to get back on again.

Maybe start off with a plan next week to take one thing off your to-do list every day. Just one thing. You'd be surprised how easy it is to do that. Often, our to-do list looks like it needs more hours to get more stuff in, but actually often, we're just stuffing it with filler, right? Stop, pause, think what's really important to you and let one thing go a day. Put that on a not to-do list. At the end of the week, look back and see well, what did that feel like? Did that work? Did the sky fall in because I said no once a day?

Then often, it's helpful as well to have that not to-do list in your back pocket. Look at it a month later, because often in the moment when we say no to something, we do have that awful strangulating panic that you think, “Oh, no. I can't say no. I'll lose this relationship. This job will go up in smoke. I'll fail. I’ll fall behind. The end of the world is nigh if I say no.” When in fact, it's just the panic of the moment. If you look at the not to-do list, the thing you did say no to today four weeks from now and think back, you'll think, “Well, why did I worry so much about it? I'd forgotten about that thing. Anyway, it wasn't that important.” Sometimes giving yourself that bigger perspective time-wise, looking back on the moment later can help you reset, reboot yourself, relearn that art of using time more wisely, so that you're not constantly falling into that trap of saying yes, yes, yes, becoming a yes man, or a yes woman.

Nobody likes or admires a yes man, or a yes woman. Yet in a way, we're all – we've all become yes man and yes women, right? Because we're just constantly saying, “Yes. More, more. More more and then more.”

[0:17:37.7] MB: Bringing back something you said a few minutes ago, which is so important to underscore all of this, if you don't say no to some things, you end up slowly diluting and diluting and diluting and ruining, impairing your experience of everything ultimately. Only by saying no to what really matters, almost really important, can we start to carve out the space and the experience for the really rich, meaningful things that are beyond as you put it just the surface of life.

[0:18:04.6] CH: Exactly. In fact, what we're talking about there is reframing. In a way, you're not saying no, or you are saying no, but in saying no, what you really do is saying yes to something else. You're saying no to something that four weeks from now, you probably won't even remember anyway, to something in the now that is immensely important to you, that you may remember four, or five years, decades from now.

I think that may be another way to unpack this problem with no that we have is to say well, maybe this isn't a no, or to have an addendum. You say no and a gentle, polite way to the person, but then explain why you're saying no. “I'm not going to attend this work event, or I'm not going to go out on this social outing. Why? Not because I'm suddenly a rude and angry hermit, but because I'm saying yes to reading bedtime stories to my children, or I'm saying yes to going to read something that will make me a better employee next week.”

I think if we balance out that equation by not stopping with the no, but going to the next stage and saying, “I'm saying no, but I'm also actually at the same time saying yes. I'm saying yes to good things.” Of course again, I think it's so important to think long term. I mean, nobody lies in their deathbed it looks back and thinks, “I wish I'd spent more time on Facebook, or I wish I spent more time in the office.” Yet, all of those things that are vacuuming up so many hours in our day, so many days in our lives, so much of our time, right? Are things are not that important in the long run.

Then a big part of slowing down, I think is pushing pause and saying, “Okay, if I take a deep breath, maybe four or five deep breaths and I'm going to start thinking perhaps for the first time in years about what's really important to me. What am I going to remember and cherish on my deathbed when I look back?” Try to give those things your full time and attention. The other stuff that you know will not be on your radar, certainly will not be part of your deathbed conversation at the end, you can try to phase those things out, however much as possible. Obviously, some things we do now are not that important later on, and not every moment can be charged with deep resonant meaning. Of course, that would be exhausting and probably ultimately, a little bit boring too. You need to have some moments that aren't that important.

Let's try and get the needle more towards the middle, where we have more time, more presence, more energy, right? More love for the things that are really important to us, than the stuff that we won't remember and that's not actually that important.

[0:20:29.5] MB: In some sense, by saying no, or rather by not saying no, what you're really saying no to is yourself and the things that matter to you. We end up putting ourselves off, putting our really important goals off by saying yes to other people when the most important and most powerful thing we can do is say no to them, so we can say yes to ourselves.

[0:20:50.3] CH: Exactly. Often what happens is that we carry on saying no to ourselves and yes to everyone else, until we burn out. We hit a wall, right? Maybe we have some health collapse, or a relationship goes up, or some crisis hits us. Usually after that burnout moment, when you hit rock bottom, we come back to our world in our lives, that's when we start saying yes to ourselves, right?

That's a terrible way to learn that lesson. Much better to learn that lesson before you crash and burn and hit the brick wall and start gently step-by-step, reconfiguring, rejigging so that you're saying more yes to yourself. Or not necessary yourself, because that can sound a little selfish and soul-obsessing; yes to what's important and more no to the stuff that's filler.

Let's be honest, so much of this stuff, if you just pull out your calendar or whatever and look back over the last couple of months, I mean, how much of that stuff really was that important? I mean, very little I think for most of us. Yet, we all have this sense that we're constantly racing the clock. How can we slow down? We actually need more time, right, to squeeze more stuff in. Generally speaking, not, if we’re honest with ourselves.

[0:21:57.3] MB: Such great perspective. I want to come back to something you touched on earlier, this study from The Economist. This is a related topic, but I think a distinct subset of this which I'm a huge proponent of is this idea that often, and Warren Buffett is another great example of somebody who does this, but often taking the time to slow down, to think, to read, to have what I like to call contemplative routines in your life, where you just have space to learn and think and journal, those are some of the most powerful and most effective things you can do from a business perspective.

[0:22:30.8] CH: Yeah, absolutely. People have always known, there’s the most creative minds, the people who've got stuff done throughout human history have always understood the importance of moments of quiet, stillness, reflection, whether they're journaling or going for a walk. I mean, it's just – human beings are not built to be stuck always in roadrunner mode. We know there's the tortoise and the hare; we have a bit of both. You need that tortoise mode, you need the slow mode moments in order to come back to the faster moments, more engaged, switched on, sharper, better able to cope. I mean, the science is showing us that very, very clearly.

I mean, one metaphor that I like best is all the work that's been done on meditation now that they've shown that we know that meditation reduces feelings of stress and sharpens concentration and can boost well-being. It turns out that it also begins to rewire the brain in the sense that it creates more density in the cerebral cortex, gyrification in other words goes up. It turns out that when you have more folds in your cerebral cortex, thanks to meditation, you can actually process information faster, right?

People who slow down with meditation are better able to cope with the fast-moving world, everything's spinning around at a 100 miles an hour around you, than those who never slow down at all, right? Which I think is a very stark way of underlining this basic message of all the work I've been doing for the last 15 years, which is that in order to thrive in a fast world, you have to slow down sometimes, right? Or put it another way, in a world obsessed, drunk on speed, slowness is a superpower.

[0:24:02.9] MB: That's such a powerful way to put it. I couldn't agree more. I mean, I think it's absolutely one of my own superpowers, one of the most important lessons I've ever learned and implemented and I practice every single day in my life is carving out the space and the time to be contemplative and to slow down and to think.

It's funny, because so many people are stuck in a state of permanent reactivity, as you called it, roadrunner mode essentially. Yet, if you even just get 5 minutes, 10 minutes, 20 minutes a day, or even once a week, what I found is that period starts to create leverage and expand itself. If you have 20 minutes where you stop and think, “Well, what am I doing and why am I doing it and what's really important?” Then you start to change your behavior and then you start to get more and more time that you can actually dedicate towards those things.

[0:24:52.1] CH: Yeah. I mean, this is what you find about – I think this is one of the delicious side effects of slowing down. You can start small and then it begins to percolate and filter into the rest of your life and it becomes almost a mindset. Though you have those slow moments where you're in a quiet place, probably you're looking inside, you're reflecting, you're mulling, you're letting ideas play around the back, but then that intercom that you cultivate allows you to navigate and negotiate all the fast stuff when you come back to it much more serenely, right?

I think of it as the delicious paradox of slow. That by slowing down, sometimes not only do we get better results, but sometimes you get them faster. I mean, you can actually do things more quickly if you've got the slow. It's that gear shifting that goes on it. Another thing that's important to underline here is that I think when people hear about slowing down and the benefits it can bring you in a fast world, they think, “Oh, no. Goodness me. That means I've got to go off to a Tibetan monastery and meditate for nine hours and stuff.” They think it's going to have to be massive amounts of slowness. In fact, often, it's just a small injection of slowness can make a huge difference in your day, your week, your year.

There's one example of a study that I wrote about in my book, The Slow Fix, found that when people in the workplace are confronted by a complex problem, if they take two minutes to think about it, two minutes to rotate it, look at it from different sides, hold it up to the light, think about it, something shifts in the brain. The brain moves beyond. Almost like it short circuits some of those biases that are built in the confirmation bias, all those ones that people will have read about in psychology magazines. Those biases that are built into the brain that pushes towards solutions we've seen before, low-hanging fruit. You move past that state with two minutes of just thinking to finding bigger more complex, better solutions to a problem.

Again, I come back to this point that that's two minutes, right? It's not two days, two hours, it's just two minutes, right? A 120 seconds could make a big, big difference. That's a little hack that anyone can apply pretty much in any job. You can find and carve out two minutes to think over a big problem before you hit send, or before you react. This is part of the problem though. The culture is all about reaction, rather than reflection. We can bring back reflection, because we have those muscles. They may have atrophy, because we've become accustomed to using them, but they're still there. All of us can with a bit of practice and a bit of discipline, can bring them back and get those muscles firing again, in the workplace, but elsewhere as well. It's not just about boosting productivity.

[0:27:31.8] MB: Well, it's funny because the productivity example is essentially a corollary of the same paradox that we discussed earlier, which is this idea that if you end up trying to do everything, you end up essentially missing everything. Similarly, if you're constantly in a state of reactivity, you actually end up achieving less. When you slow down, you get more done.

[0:27:52.4] CH: Yeah. Again, that's what I call the delicious paradox of slow. We all have that experience in the workplace don't we? Every office has got that person who's a whirling dervish of activity, rushing around breathless, always on the move, multitasking, seeming to – and yet very often, that's the person who gets the least done, right? When you really want something done, it's often that quiet, on the surface slow person that people turn to who will get the stuff done, right, and get it done well. I think many of us will have that experience.

I mean, and let's talk about multitasking, right? I mean, where you pick up job applications now and often, you'll just see that word sprinkled all across them. We're looking for a multitasker, multitasking a must, all this stuff. It's on a pedestal up there. It’s almost talismanic quality. You need to have to thrive in the modern workplace. When in fact, it's nonsense, right? The human brain cannot multitask.

I know there might be some women out there thinking, “Who's this guy mansplaining?” No. Human brains cannot think meaningfully about two things at the same time when we're multitasking at work or wherever, what we're doing is toggling. We're juggling back and forth between tasks. Task one might get, I don't know, five seconds of your attention, then you're back over there to task two and that gets 10 – then you’re over task three and you're back to –

Guess what? All of that cognitive gear grinding is just as wasteful as it sounds. If you take two people, the fast multitasker versus, let's call that other person the slow mono-tasker who does one thing at a time wherever possible and focuses. On average, the fast multitasker will take up to twice as long and a make up to twice as many mistakes as the slow person. There again, there's the science telling us that slower is better, right? That slower is often the way to go.

There's an old military adage which gets at the heart of this, I think. It says, slow is smooth and smooth is fast, right? I think that nails it a little bit in the workplace. A lot of us I think will understand that, will know that intuitively that's the case.

[0:29:51.1] MB: That's so funny. I've literally written that quote down. That's one of my favorite quotes and I was going to bring that up and share it, but it's really funny that you brought it up as well, because it's such a great quote and really encapsulates the essence of this entire idea.

[0:30:05.4] CH: It does. I love the language of too, smooth, because there's something about slow and I'm talking about slow with a capital S. When you're moving back between different speeds, you're doing things at the right tempo, what musicians call the tempo giusto, the correct rhythm and the correct tempo of the moment. Even as I'm talking to you now, my hands are moving through the air, it's like a dance, right?

In a sense, that's really what this slow revolution is about. It's about getting the right tempo, so moving up and down the scale. Sometimes you're fast, sometimes a little slower, your present, whatever speed you're at, you're there. It's a dance. When you find yourself moving, dance between fast and slow and across the different tempos and speeds, that's when the music and the magic really happen, whether it's the workplace, relationships, food, whatever it is. If you're in that zone – I’ve used the word Zen. I mean, you could – there's so many different words for it. My word is slow for it.

If you're getting in that slow place where you're present, you're there, you're at the right speed, you forget the clock, it feels swimming. It's dancing. That's why I love that quote that talk about slow being smooth. It is smooth. There’s a smoothness to it.

[0:31:13.8] MB: I've always thought of it from the analogy and I've heard that it's from the sniper corps, that when you're looking down the scope of a rifle and you have this magnification, if you move really slowly you can line up with your target exactly. If you're jerking from place to place, you're going to be constantly missing and you're never going to get there and it actually takes more time to try and jerk around than if you just slowly set yourself.

[0:31:36.4] CH: Yeah, I've heard that too. In fact, that makes me think of another way of unpicking this whole question of pace and what it does to us if we get the wrong speed going is that the scope, you're in focus or you're out of focus, it's sharp or it's blurry. One of the things that we sacrifice on the altar of speedoholism, doing everything faster is memory, right? When everything is moving too fast, when you're moving through your life too fast, nothing sticks. Everything becomes a blur, everything is out of focus and nothing remains with you.

That's one of the reasons why I think when we're in roadrunner mode and we're living way too fast for our own selves, we don't remember stuff. You get to the end of 2000 and whatever, 18, and your head hits the pillow and you look back and think, “Whoa. Can't remember anything. I can't remember what I had for dinner last night.” Nothing sticks.

One of the things that I noticed when I slowed down and began doing fewer things, but doing those things really well and being present and enjoying them was that I'm again remembering thanks more. Milan Kundera in fact has a – he talks about the intimate bond between memory and slowness. I think there's a lot to be said for that that – I mean, memory is such an important part of the human experience and building up our sense of identity and it brings so much pleasure memory, to be able to look back and relive moments, your own highlight reel. If you're moving through it so fast that you haven't got a highlight reel, and that's another downside let's say to this whole fast-forward culture that we're apparently stuck in.

[0:33:10.0] MB: Hey, I'm here real quick with confidence expert Dr. Aziz Gazipura to share a lightning round insight with you. Dr. Aziz, how can people say no more often and stop people-pleasing?

[0:33:23.8] AG: This is not only important to figure out how to do, but to start practicing immediately. Because most people don't realize, their anxiety, their stress, their overwhelm is often a result of not saying no.

Here are some quick tips on how to start doing that. First of all, imagine right now in your life where would you benefit from saying no, where do you feel overloaded, pressured, overwhelmed. Even if intellectually, you're telling yourself you should, tune into your heart, tune into your body, where do you feel, “I don't want to.” Start paying attention to that. Start honoring that.

The next tip is to imagine saying no and then notice how you feel, because you're probably going to feel all kinds of good stuff, right? Guilt, fear, what are they going to think? I don't want to let this person down. What you want to do is before you go say no to them, you want to work through that. You want to address that. You want to get out on paper. Can I say this? Why can't I say this? What's stopping me from doing this? Do a little prep work, so you can really just practice it.

Then the third and most important step, of course is going to be to go say no. Start saying no liberally. Start saying no regularly. In fact, after listening to this, find an opportunity today to say no. Because the more you do it like anything else, like any sub-skill of confidence, the more you do it, the easier it will become and the freer you'll become in your life.

[0:34:40.0] MB: Do you want the confidence to say no and boldly ask for what you deserve? Sign up for Dr. Aziz's Confidence University by visiting successpodcast.com/confidence. That's successpodcast.com/confidence and start saying no today.

[0:35:01.3] MB: Well, I've want to get into more around memory and how do we – then talk about your new project and how that deals with aging and identity and all these things. There's one other thing before we tap into that that I wanted to talk about, which is just something that's again, a corollary but a distinct bucket of this same topic, which I love the title of your previous book, The Slow Fix, because we're in a world today where so many people are looking for the quick fix. They're looking for I call it get-rich-quick schemes. They're always trying to find it and yet, the reality is that's usually the worst possible path that you can take.

[0:35:36.5] CH: Exactly. I mean, there is no one step to a flat belly. Nobody ever cured a broken relationship with a box of chocolates, or solved Middle Eastern peace process with an airstrike, right? These duct tape solutions, they just – I mean, invariably what we end up doing is treating the symptoms of a problem in a short-term way, rather than getting down into the core and the root of the problem. As you say, there's nothing worse than a quick fix in a sense, because it just delays and lets the problem fester and get worse than it was, because it gives a false sense of security, or it gives us a sense that we have solved the problem when truly, we haven't. We've just papered over the symptoms a little while before it all grows up in our face again.

My argument in The Slow Fix book is that we need to flip that round. The moment we say to ourselves, well we're all so rushed. We say, well, we haven't got time for a slow fix. We only have time for a quick fix. The truth is that we always have time, don't we? Later on when the quick fix of today blows up in our faces, we always find the time and the money to put it right later on, to pick up the pieces.

What I'm saying with this idea of the slow fix is why don't we just flip that equation around and instead of waiting till it all goes horribly wrong later on, why don't we invest the time and the money now to start getting to a real solution in here now, rather than booting it downfield and trying to deal with it later when invariably, it takes much more time and much more money in the medium and longer term. Yeah, so with that book I'm looking at how we apply this idea across everything from business, to relationships, to medicine. Yeah.

[0:37:14.9] MB: It's such an important idea, this idea that energy is essentially wasted on the search and the implementation of a quick fix, when in reality, an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure and it's so much easier to spend that time on the frontend actually doing it right, doing it well. Having a focus on quality as we talked about earlier, as opposed to just rushing from quick fix to quick fix.

[0:37:38.1] CH: I mean, that's so much the case. I mean, it's heartbreaking really sometimes to see the waste that we endure, because of this quick fix culture. You see it in politics all the time, with politicians firing off this initiative, or this new scheme, or this. Then when eventually six months later, or a year later, we taught out what it all cost us, it just makes you want to weep. If somebody just said, “Hang on. Let's just stop. Take some time to think hard, to join up the dots, to talk to people, to bring people.” Let's get a real solution that actually might work, rather than a Band-Aid. Because a Band-Aid, if you need deep surgery, a Band-Aid is not the solution, right? It's just going to cost you a whole lot more time and money later on, and a lot more pain as well.

[0:38:26.9] MB: Let's dig into – I want to talk a little bit about your new project, Bolder. How did you come to wanting to write and think about this idea and what is it?

[0:38:37.0] CH: Well, my books always seem to start – I’ve realized now, with some personal epiphany moment where I realized that I just lost my bearings a bit and something is not right in my own head, in my own life. For me, the spark for writing Bolder was I was at a hockey tournament. I'm a big hockey player and I was 48-years-old at the time. I was lead scorer at the tournament. I was playing really well and I scored a goal that you don't score very often off a face-off and led my team in the semi-finals.

I was walking on air, until I discovered just after the quarterfinals that I was the oldest player at this tournament of 240 players. For some reason, that knowledge just – I don't know, it's like getting cross-checked in the face. I don't know. It just knocked me off balance and I began to hear all kinds of questions of again thinking, “Well, should I be here? Are people laughing at me? Am I too old to play the sport I love and still play well and have played my whole life? Maybe I should take up BINGO.”

It was just suddenly, I don't know, the number, the age, number itself suddenly took on a terrible power. I wanted to understand why and whether it deserved that power. I sat with this idea of what does it mean to be aging in a world that's in thrall to youth, this cult of youth, younger is better, we're always being told and getting older sucks. That seems to be the whole narrative that we’re brought up with. I just wanted to unpack that a bit and see if it was true. I found out this a lot to me – I mean, what I discovered through a couple years of research and writing is that of course, we all know that some things – we do lose something as we grow older, but many, many things stay the same. Actually, other things get better.

It was that mixed picture that I wanted to take to the world and that's what Bolder is about. It's about saying, “You know what? There are many, many things to look forward to as you grow older, whether you're in your 20s, right? Or your 30s.” I mean, we have all – we change with every decade, but it need not be a downhill spiral from wherever, 30 or 35, or wherever people are drawing the line nowadays. It's much more complex. There's a whole good new story to talk about aging, especially now and when it seems to me we're entering a golden age of aging. It's never been a better time in human history to grow older, to be over 40 or 50 or 60 or 70 or 80 or even over a 100 nowadays.

I guess, let me reframe it in a sense. My first three books took on the cult of speed. I was arguing with them that faster is not always better. With Bolder, what I'm doing is taking on the cult of youth and I'm arguing that younger is not always better.

[0:41:05.9] MB: Tell me about a couple of the positive benefits of getting older.

[0:41:10.6] CH: Sure. Well, one thing that totally blew me away and I hadn't even – it wasn't even on my radar at all is that people actually get happier as they get older. I think this the story that the culture tells us is that old people are unhappy, cranky old woman, grumpy old man, all those tropes we have in the culture. In fact across most cultures, there is what is called the U-shaped happiness curve, that we start off happy in childhood and it goes down into our 30s and 40s and bottoms out somewhere in our 40s and maybe 50, but then goes up again.

In fact, across most cultures across all age groups, certain audience groups, income groups, culture, ethnic backgrounds, the age cohort reports the highest levels of life satisfaction, happiness are the over 55 and over 60s, which seems to me to go completely against everything that I as a card-carrying ageist, I got to admit it, I had a really bad view of growing older.

There's a whole other thing going on, which is that people find a ease with themselves. People find that they make peace with themselves and more comfortable in our own skin as we grow older. I think that feeds into the happiness thing. We worry less about what other people think about us. There's a freedom. There's a lightness that comes as we get older, I think, a confidence. I mean, there's a wonderful quote from Ann Landers, the legendary Agony Ann who said once that at 20, we worry about what other people think of us. At 40, we stop worrying about what other people think of us. At 60, we realize they were never thinking about us at all, right?

I think that gets that something that happens as you move through 40s, 50s and further on into the second half of life. There is a lightness. You're not tiptoeing around other people's expectations. You can take life by the scruff of the neck and define what life is going to be for you. That's why so many people walk away from jobs they've hated, relationships that haven’t worked for them and reinvent themselves I think later on, because there's that feeling of confidence and just not worrying about what other people think, and just getting on with making the most of what are now our longer lives.

Another thing that gets better as we get older is I mean, believe it or not, productivity. I mean, this is another thing. All this awful language we use, we talk about finished at 40 and all these people struggling to get job interviews after the age of sometimes 35 at some sectors, but certainly after 40. When in fact, actually people get a lot better at their jobs as they get older. Then that the science, the research is all there to show this that productivity, especially in jobs that rely on any social skills, which is most jobs nowadays, people tend to get better. The productivity goes up, creativity holds strong and can get stronger as we grow older.

We become less obsessed with ourselves. There's a altruism that often kicks in a later life. There's just so many things that are sunny-side up in later life and whether that's over 35, 40, or 50 or even older. There's something to look much to look forward to, which in a culture that's always telling us that you're done and you're over the hill, all these dreadful expressions, you're the wrong side of 40. It's just all there. It's in our vernacular, but it's actually untrue a lot of it.

[0:44:15.0] MB: Very interesting and I love the positive outlook on that. How do you think about aging and how it relates to mortality?

[0:44:23.7] CH: Well, I think one reason we find aging and always have done a tricky venture, right? It scares us in some ways is that the end point of aging is death, right? Mortality. It's a reminder, every creaky joint, every gray hair is a reminder that the grim reaper is coming for us, right? That we're going to check out, that time is finite. I guess the question is what do you do with that, right? Do you feel downtrodden and depressed that you only have so much time here? Or because the opposite happened? Do you think well, I've got a finite amount of time. I'm going to make the most of the time I have now.

That was one thing I found really interesting in the research of the book is that two things; one is that as people get older, they tend to become less afraid of death, which seems counterintuitive. You think, well the closer it is, the more scary – but actually the opposite seems to be true. Again, across all cultures, people become less afraid of dying as they get closer to the end. This is especially the case as you get to the very final lap usually for people. That's one thing for if you've got listeners who are in their 20s thinking, “Well actually, that's one thing.” The burden of it becomes less as you grow older.

The other thing I want to put on the table here is that in our culture, we've pushed death away. We see it on Netflix crime series and stuff, but it's not in our daily lives much. People often die in hospitals now. We don't see dead bodies very much. It's walled off and pushed away from us. There's a benefit to thinking about dying, to be aware of mortality, which is why every great religion, or the Buddhism, or Hindu, they've all got death meditations. The whole idea of thinking about mortality, the point being not to make you morbid and depressed about the fact that you only have so many years on this earth, but actually to make you cherish the time that you do have here.

I think that one of the benefits of being around older people, being around death, thinking about our own aging is that we then confront the whole idea of mortality more. If we use that wisely, it can help us make the more – make the most of the time we have now, whether we're in our 20s, or 30s, 40s, whatever. If you're aware that you've only got so much time, you think, “Well, I'm going to make the most of this here and now.”

I feel that it's part of this, I don't want to say rebranding because that sounds cheesy, but it's bringing back a celebration of aging and embracing of it, embracing of it's the rough and the smooth. Part of that has to be embracing mortality and making mortality part of our calculus, when we think about our lives, looking at the long-term and so on.

[0:46:54.7] MB: Great insight. Obviously, everyone's getting older. As someone who's now getting older and older and it's great to have a different perspective on thinking about dealing with that.

[0:47:05.0] CH: Yeah. I mean, I have to say that I've got a very clear before and after for this book Bolder. I was somebody who was either denying my own aging, or appalled and terrified and ashamed of it, or by it. Now that I've gone through a couple of years of thinking about aging, crunching the numbers, doing the research, traveling around the world, just immersing myself in the whole question, I've come out the other side with a completely different feeling and worldview.

I am actually completely at ease now. I say that hand on heart. I'm completely at ease with the idea of growing older. I'm looking forward to what's coming next, right? Because I know that what's coming next is going to be pretty amazing. If I go in with an open heart and an open mind and I regard aging not as a process of closing doors, but of opening them, then I know that all kinds of incredibly good stuff is waiting for me. I'm looking forward to discovering what it is.

[0:47:59.0] MB: For listeners who want to concretely implement some of the things and ideas that we've talked about today, what would be one action item, or starting point, or a piece of homework that you would give them to begin?

[0:48:11.4] CH: Sure. I give a couple of suggestions. This is maybe more on the slow side of our conversation. I touched on this a little earlier with the to-do list and the not to-do list, but I think it's so important to do less, right? Less is more. Look at your to-do list and just start cutting. It might be two things, might be one thing, it could be two things that whatever it is, just start changing that conversation you have with yourself, moving away from yes to no and yes to yourself and no to doing. Just try and find ways to – drop one thing a day, let's say, or one thing a week, or something and just try and let more oxygen into your schedule. That'll be a first suggestion.

A second has to do with technology. Love the gadgets, as I said before. They all have a red button on them. That means off. You start switching off the gadgets. Wall off time when you're not reachable. Turn off your notifications. Just anything that means that you're turning your smartphone into a tool again, rather than a weapon of mass destruction, right? Find the way that it works best for you and just be off as much as you can in the circumstances of your life at the moment.

A third suggestion is to integrate some slow ritual into your day. Just embed some slow practice, so that's going to vary from person to person. It could be knitting, might be meditation, reading poetry, cooking, going for a walk, just anything that inoculates you, vaccinates you against the virus of hurry and acts as a break in what might otherwise be a fast day where you're at the mercy of other people's impatience and speed, and just build it in. You'll find that not only does it recharge your body and mind in that moment, but it will start to spread out into the rest of your day.

[0:49:49.9] MB: Where can listeners find more about you, your work and your books online?

[0:49:54.3] CH: That's the easiest question you've asked me so far. Just my website. Everything is there. It's carlhonore.com. There's video, audio. I've got an online course. There's Q&As and lots of information about my books. There's links to all kinds of groups that are working in slow and so and so. Everything is there. That's a good starting point, a clearinghouse for all of my ideas.

Also, I have a contact page where you can write to me. I get back to everybody. I love being in touch with people. I learn as much as I teach, so I'm always happy to answer questions and be in touch with people. Don't hesitate to fire off an e-mail through my contact page, if you want to be in touch directly.

[0:50:35.5] MB: Well, Carl. Thank you so much for coming on the show, for sharing all this wisdom; some really great insights me excellent practical takeaways for the listeners.

[0:50:43.7] CH: Thanks. Been a pleasure chatting with you.

[0:50:45.5] MB: Thank you so much for listening to the Science of Success. We created this show to help you, our listeners, master evidence-based growth. I love hearing from listeners. If you want to reach out, share your story, or just say hi, shoot me an e-mail. My e-mail is matt@successpodcast.com. That’s M-A-T-T@successpodcast.com. I’d love to hear from you and I read and respond to every single listener e-mail.

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Remember, the greatest compliment you can give us is a referral to a friend either live or online. If you enjoyed this episode, please leave us an awesome review and subscribe on iTunes because that helps boost the algorithm, that helps us move up the iTunes rankings and helps more people discover the Science of Success.

Don't forget, if you want to get all the incredible information we talked about in the show, links transcripts, everything we discussed and much more, be sure to check out our show notes. You can get those at successpodcast.com, just hit the show notes button right at the top.

Thanks again, and we'll see you on the next episode of the Science of Success.

July 11, 2019 /Lace Gilger
Focus & Productivity
Dr. Daniel Chao-02.png

Using The Bleeding Edge of Neuroscience to Optimize Your Brain with Dr. Daniel Chao

July 04, 2019 by Lace Gilger in Mind Expansion, Focus & Productivity

In this episode we discuss cutting edge brain hacks that sound like they are straight out of science fiction. Is it possible to use technology to rapidly change the structure of your brain? How does your brain actually learn? What is neuroplasticity and why is it so important? What are the key things you can do in your life to improve your brain health, memory and performance? We discuss all of this, along with a truly innovative technology that may be the key to unlocking super performance and massively accelerating your learning with our guest Dr. Daniel Chao.

Dr. Daniel Chao is a neurotech entrepreneur, specializing in devices that improve brain performance. He is the co-founder and CEO of Halo Neuroscience. The company’s first product, Halo Sport, is the first neurostimulation system built specifically for athletes. Before Halo, Dr. Chao was the head of business development at NeuroPace, and a consultant at McKinsey & Company.

  • Your brain is a living computer chip that can create new circuits on demand

  • Your brain is “plastic”

  • The Nobel prize in the year 2000 went to the scientists who discovered neuroplasticity and the mechanisms behind it

  • Neuroplasticity is the process by which the brain learns

  • What actually happens in the brain when you are learning a new skill?

  • What happens to the brain and your neural connections when you learn a new skill?

  • Focused, repetitive, deliberate practice starts to build thicker and thicker and faster and faster neural connections

  • Repetition is the foundation of practice - you’re literally building physical connections in your brain that get stronger and stronger, the more you repeat that practice

  • The first time you learn something it’s like hacking a path through the jungle with a machete, then it’s like hiking through tough brush, then it’s a dirt road, then it becomes a paved road, then ultimately a highway and a superhighway

  • “Myleanation”- the cabling inside the brain

  • The brain is a plastic organ and it adapts to your needs

  • Repeated practice, learning, and thoughts literally change the physical structure of your brain

  • The brain is literally built on the principle of “use it or lose it” - if you aren’t using your brain, those parts atrophy and shrink

  • What are some strategies we can implement to optimize our brain and improve our brain health?

  • Sleep is one of the most important and obvious strategies for optimizing and improving brain health.

    • Focus decreases dramatically without proper sleep

    • Emotional control decreases dramatically without proper sleep

  • Strategies for better sleep

    • Consume less caffeine later in the day

    • Sleep in a cold room

    • Consume less alcohol in the evenings

    • Go to bed at a consistent time

  • Your day is “unequal”- you have better executive function in the first part of the day. Prioritize the most difficult and most important work in the early part of the day because you will be at a cognitive peak.

  • In terms of nootropics - on both the efficacy and safety side - the scientific waters are pretty muddy currently.

  • How can we take advantage of emerging brain science to “hack” the brain or “hack” learning?

  • What if you put electrodes into your brain to stimulate learning and memory?

  • Starting in our late teens, our ability to learn stats to decline - can we use cutting edge science to reverse that?

  • If you use electrical stimulation on your brain - it opens up about an hour of “hyper plasticity”- a super learning window

    • Within that hour window you need THOUGHTFUL TRAINING REPS and that learning will get ingrained more deeply in your brain

  • Slapping a “motor cortex neurostimulator” onto your brain - can be for any physical activity, playing violin, shooting a gun, playing video games, performing surgery etc

  • What happens to the additional “lift” in learning you get from neurostimulation? How “durable” is that learning?

    • What you learn in a state of hyper plasticity is as durable as any result you would have gained without any neurostimulation

    • The “road stays paved” even if you stop using the neurostimulation

  • Proper positioning - headphones straight up and down on the head

  • What happens if you have your neurostimulator on wrong? The worst thing that could happen, you don’t get the training benefit

  • The safety data for neurostimulation is incredibly robust- over 250,000 neurostimulation sessions its incredibly safe, there are over 4000 scientific articles about the safety of neurostimulation

  • Top of the head, right at your hairline - put the halo sport on your forehead - neurostimulate your prefrontal cortex could boost your performance on learning and retaining information - “dorsal lateral prefrontal cortex”

  • Homework: Sleep, exercise is GREAT for brain health.

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Want To Dig In More?! - Here’s The Show Notes, Links, & Research

General

  • Halo Neuro Website

  • Halo Neuro Facebook

  • Dan’s LinkedIn and Twitter

Media

  • [Article] Summary of Ashwagandha - Research analysis led by Kamal Patel

  • [Profile] Crunchbase - Dan Chao

  • [Article] TechCrunch - “Halo’s second-gen brain stimulating headphones run $399” by Brian Heater

  • [Article] Forbes - “Daniel Chao's Halo Neuroscience Builds Headset To Train Your Brain” by Bruce Rogers

  • [Article] Men’s Health - “I Zapped My Brain With Halo Sport to See If It Would Boost My Athletic Performance” By Jeff Bercovici

  • [Article] Medgadget - “Halo Neuroscience’s Headset Zaps Your Brain To Train It” by Alice Ferng

  • [Article] Mobi Health News - “Halo Neuroscience collects $13M for its brain-stimulating headset” By Dave Muoio

  • [Article] PR Newswire - “Halo Neuroscience Pairs with USA Cycling”

  • [Podcast] Bulletproof Blog - Your Brain, But Better: Neurostimulation – Dr. Daniel Chao #488

  • [Podcast] Shrugged Collective - Electrical Brain Stimulation for Optimal Performance w/ Dr. Daniel Chao — Barbell Shrugged #349

  • [Podcast] Peak Performance - BC151. DR. DAN CHAO – CEO, HALO NEUROSCIENCE

  • [Podcast] Finding Mastery - #144 Dr. Daniel Chao, Halo Neuroscience CO-Founder

Videos

  • Startupfood - Daniel Chao - Enhancing Brain Performance

  • Ben Greenfield Fitness - How To Learn Faster, Jump Higher, Increase Explosiveness, Push Harder & Biohack Your Brain

  • Patrick Rishe - Daniel Chao Halo Neuroscience - 9/29/17

  • Onnit - #68 Dr. Daniel Chao | Human Optimization Hour w/ Kyle Kingsbury

  • Moveo Lab - Dr. Daniel Chao - Halo Neuroscience, CEO & Co-Founder

Misc

  • [SoS Episode] The Scientific Secrets of Perfect Timing with Daniel Pink

  • [SoS Episode] Everything You Know About Sleep Is Wrong with Dr. Matthew Walker

  • [Website] Examine.com

Episode Transcript

[00:00:04.4] ANNOUNCER: Welcome to The Science of Success. Introducing your host, Matt Bodnar.

[00:00:11] MB: Welcome to the Science of Success, the number one evidence-based growth podcast on the internet with more than 3 million downloads, listeners in over a hundred countries.

In this episode, we discuss cutting edge brain hacks that sound like they’re straight out of science fiction. Is it possible to use technology to rapidly change the structure of your brain? How does your brain actually learn? What is neuroplasticity and why is it so important? What are the key things that you can do in your life to improve your brain health, memory and performance? We discuss all of these along with a truly innovative technology that maybe the key to unlocking super performance and massively accelerating your learning with our guest, Dr. Daniel Chao.

I’m going to tell you why you’ve been missing out on some incredibly cool stuff if you haven’t signed up for our email list yet. All you have to do to sign up is to go to successpodcast.com and sign up right on the home page.

On top of tons subscriber-only content, exclusive access and live Q&As with previous guests, monthly giveaways and much more, I also created an epic free video course just for you. It's called How to Create Time for What Matters Most Even When You're Really Busy. E-mail subscribers have been raving about this guide.

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In our previous episode, we welcomed legendary researcher, Dr. Brené Brown, to the Science of Success. We discussed vulnerability and learned that vulnerability is not weakness. It’s not oversharing and it’s not soft. We learned that even brave and courageous people are scared all the time. We discussed the incredible power of learning to get back up when you’re down. How you can stop caring what other people think about you and so much more in our previous in-depth interview. You absolutely can’t miss our last episode with Dr. Brené Brown. Be sure to check out our previous show.

Now, for our interview with Dan

[00:03:16] MB: Today, we have another fascinating guest on the show, Dr. Daniel Chao. Dan is a neurotech entrepreneur specializing in devices that improve brain performance. He’s the cofounder and CEO of Halo Neuroscience. The company’s first product, Halo Sport, is the first neurostimulation system built specifically for athletes. Before Halo, Dr. Chao was the head of business development at NeuroPace and a consultant at McKinsey & Company.

Dan, welcome to the Science of Success.

[00:03:44] DC: Hey! Thanks, Matt. Thanks for having me.

[00:03:45] MB: Well, we’re really excited to have you on the show today and dig in to some of these fascinating topics, because I know you really deep into the science and the research and the neuroscience around a lot of these stuff.

To begin, let’s take a really simple approach to this. Tell me about what goes on in the brain when we’re learning something. How does the brain at a scientific level collect knowledge and actually change as we’re learning?

[00:04:11] DC: Yes. So there’s a process called neuroplasticity, and that borrows from the word plastic, and we know of something that’s plastic that is it’s just like a material that can change shapes, and that is our brain. It’s at a microscopic level, but our brain is a living computer chip. The computer chip that powers your cellphone and your laptop is a static computer chip. Ours is even more special. Ours has the ability to create new circuits on demand.

The idea of a plastic brain has existed for a while. In fact, the Nobel Prize in the year 2000 went out to a group of scientists that discovered neuroplasticity and the mechanisms behind it. So, neuroplasticity was such a significant scientific discovery for the world that the Nobel Prize went out to a group of scientists in the year 2000 to recognize this accomplishment.

So, neuroplasticity is the process by which brain retunes itself based on our needs. It’s the process by which our brain creates new neuronal connections, new synapses with other neurons and it’s also a destructive process. So, processes that aren’t relevant anymore, like processes that we’re not using anymore will be selectively destroyed to make room for neuronal connections that are actually useful to us. So, yeah, that’s learning in a nutshell, like the cellular and like neuroscience explanation for how learning and memory works.

[00:05:52] MB: So let’s break that down and explain it in simple terms for somebody who’s listening in the audience. If let’s say I want to learn how to play ping-pong, and I’m practicing my swing, practicing my swing. What’s actually going on every time I do that inside the circuitry of my brain?

[00:06:12] DC: Yeah, great example you picked. So, playing ping-pong? Let’s just pick on the motor system. So how do you move through a perfect ping-pong forehand, for example? What you do is you practice. You get a friend or they’ve got these serving machines now and you’ll be on the receiving end of multiple, multiple forehand shots, and you do this for hours and days on end. After a certain number of usually hundreds or several thousand reps, you start to get really good at that.

So, it’s this repetitive practice, this focused, deliberate, repetitive practice that is really a signal to the brain that says, “Hey! I’m really interested in this. I’m so interested in this that I’m going to do this again. Will you please pay attention?” and you do it again, and you do it again, and you do it again hundreds, thousands of times.

Over the course of all of that practice, all of those repetitions, what’s happening in your brain is it’s realizing that this is happening and it’s building new neuronal connections to create a circuit such that you don’t have to think about it as much anymore. You can just call on this program and acclimate the circuit to produce this certain kind of movement. In this case, it’s the ping-pong forehand, reproducibly with a high-degree of skill with you thinking about it less and less and less overtime.

Ideally, this movement is so perfected that you can call on this program during the most critical points of a competition. So that, it’s ping-pong. If you’re Steph Curry, it’s a three-pointer. If you’re Lindsey Von, it’s a downhill ski run. But that is the reason that we practice. That is the reason why repetition is the foundation of what we think of as practice.

You’re doing things over and over and over again to basically like almost hone a groove within our brain to create these neuronal circuits that it becomes second nature at some point. Like at some point, you don’t have to think about moving your elbow and your wrist at just the right moment. It just happens automatically. That automaticity, when you think about happens in the brain, is this creation of a new circuit that you can call on.

[00:08:40] MB: I think you used an analogy at one point of it almost being like a path through the forest that starts out as maybe a hiking trail, and then becomes a dirt road, and then becomes a paved road, etc.

[00:08:51] DC: Yeah, that’s right. So it’s a fun analogy that we like to use in the company. Yeah, the first time you do it, it might feel like you’ve got a machete and you’re carving a path through the Amazon. But overtime, the second and third time you go down this trail, you’re like, “Ah! I don’t need to use a machete anymore, but I do need to kind of stamp down some of the weeds.” So you do that.

Then after a hundred trips down this trail, it start to look like a proper trail and then a road, and then a two-lane highway, then a four-lane highway. Before you know it, it’s this highly-functioning, well-paved road, and that is what you’re doing. That is what all these practice and repetition does little by little.

In the case of a circuit in our brain, instead of a road, think about a synapse. There are small synapses, there are big synapses, big, robust synapses that are packed with neurotransmitters. When they fire, they create really robust action potentials on the other side. Then what that does is it creates more of those, like bigger, more of these synapses leads to stronger, tighter connections, which is effectively a new circuit. Then you could also think about the cabling.

I’m not sure if you guys in previous podcasts have talked about myelination. But myelination is like the rubber sheath around your – Like a USB cable. The more of this rubber sheath that you have, this protective layer, the faster that neuron is able to conduct that electrical impulse. So, all of these practice leads to more and more robust synapses, which leads to more insulation around the cabling so that the signal can travel faster.

You as someone who has practice a lot, the benefits that you feel is a more automatic movement. In the case of movement, we’re talking about ping-ping, is a more automatic movement. But, obviously, it’s not limited to ping-pong. It could be state capitals. It could be your multiplication table, things that we learned as a kid that are second nature to us.

[00:11:16] MB: So, we’ve definitely hinted at and kind of talked about the idea of myelination and this notion that when you think something a lot or think about something a lot, you’re starting to reinforce and build that circuitry inside your brain. But I think it’s worth really rehashing this fundamental thesis, which may seem almost strange or even science fiction as to some people that repetition and practice and any kind of thought pattern ultimately, fundamentally changes the physical structure of the brain overtime.

[00:11:51] DC: Yeah. Isn’t that crazy? Thank you for bringing that up and repeating that and giving me some more time to talk about that, because, yeah, the brain is a plastic organ. If that’s one thing that like a teaching point from this podcast, I would really love to just hone in, is that our brain is a plastic organ and it adapts to our needs. That is one of the most amazing things about our brain, is that it’s able to adapt to our needs.

There are amazing examples of this. Take for example someone who’s had an ACL tear and they’re unable to move their knee. If you looked inside the brain, things are happening during this period of disuse. So, during this period of disuse, so let’s say their successful surgery but the knee is immobilized, because it needs to rest itself. During this period of disuse, you will see atrophy that happens in the quads, for example. Because they’re not being used, the body is not feeling it like it should.

So you’ll see, you’ll visibly see those muscles getting smaller. Maybe this happening in your life with an elbow or a knee or something like that, or someone that you know. But is often just right there in front of you. But what people don’t realize is that same process is happening in our brain. Our brain is remodeling itself such that it’s saying, “Oh! Hey, this part of the knee, I guess you’re not using it. Hey, if you don’t mind, I’m the neighboring structure. I’m just going to mosey on in and start taking over this part of the brain.”

So there’s remodeling in the brain because of disuse atrophy. I’m not sure if this exactly what you want to talk about, but this is the use it or lose it principle. Neuroplasticity cuts both ways. It’s amazing that it can adapt to our needs for things that we practice a lot, and that’s awesome, and we should all take advantage of that. But it’s this use it or lose it principle too that if you’re not exercising certain parts of your brain, there are neighboring structures that are hungry for that territory, and it’ll move in and you – There is the opportunity for you to lose that circuit, right?

As lovely as it is to grain and rebuild these circuits, we have to think about the things that we don’t practice on a day-to-day basis, because we could lose that ability just as easily as we could acquire something new.

[00:14:31] MB: And that’s a great, really compelling argument in favor of constantly learning and constantly improving yourself, because if you’re not, then you’re not just staying static. You’re actively atrophying and shrinking and, in some cases, your capacity is diminishing.

[00:14:46] DC: Yeah. Neurologists have talked about recommendations for a healthy lifestyle, and this is all in anticipation of living a nice, long life. One of the downsides of living into our 80s is that Alzheimer’s could come into play.

Neurologists have talked about just living a full life, especially into retirement. There’s this propensity to just rest too much. But neurologists have talked about just getting out there, having conversations, watching movies, talking about it. Having engaging conversations with friends, maybe even going back to work just to keep the brain active. I think most of your listeners are younger. So, this is typically not a problem, because we live really full lives, but it really begs the question, like, “Is there even more that we can do?”

[00:15:39] MB: So, I want to expand this conversation a little bit and think about from a broader perspective, because you’re somebody who spent decades studying the neuroscience, the physical structure of the brain. How we can look at brain interventions to improve brain health to optimize the brain. What are some of the most effective strategies that you’ve found both over the short-term? Let’s say you want a specific performance boost in a specific time period and also over a longer term to optimize our brain and improve brain health.

[00:16:13] DC: Yeah. So let’s dive in. there are lots of different things. So, I think one thing that we all know is important and yet we do nothing about is sleep. Especially when you’re young, there’s the demands of the workday and also the demands of a really active social calendar will often put quality sleep in jeopardy. There’s a price to be paid here. You could only power through so much poor sleep in your life. At some point, it starts to have an impact.

It might feel innocent enough at first, but this problem can compound on itself such that folks can get themselves into trouble. Your ability to be attentive and focused the next day after a crappy night of sleep, it becomes really challenging. Emotional control is also much, much more difficult after a poor night of sleep. We can get into all kinds of trouble if we find ourselves unable to control our emotions. Anger might step in, making kind of rushed decisions. They come into play. If this is happening on just the wrong day, that could get us into a bunch of trouble.

So, not only is that sleep good for neuro health. It’s just good for like good cognitive decision making the next day. So, everybody should think about good sleep. Good sleep to me is about good habits. Again, none of these is hard. You just got to do it.

So, trying to go to bed at the same time every day. So stick into a schedule. Take it easy on caffeine after a certain time. That time is different for everybody. But for me, it’s early afternoon. No more caffeine for me after, say, 1 or 2PM.

Take it easy on the alcohol. A lot of people think that alcohol helps them sleep, and that might be true in terms of sleep induction. So it might help you go to sleep, but for the rest of the night, it’s actually worse. So, take it easy on the booze. Actually, I would recommend just not drinking for a while and just feeling the benefits of quality sleep and you might make different life decisions because of that.

Go to bed in a cold room. As we’re coming out of the winter here in the United States, the temperatures are going to be picking up to the extent that it can have a temperature controlled room that’s on the colder side and that will help you sleep. So, all of these things, it’s a lifestyle choice. Most people can do it. It’s really a question if you want to do it, if it’s a priority or not.

Yeah, in terms of other things that like I do, other people should do in terms of like brain health land cognitive health or brain performance, I think about my day as a day that is unequal. So, the first part of my day, I’m usually coming off a decent nice of sleep. I have better executive function in the first part of my day. Not just me. We all do.

So, you should prioritize work. That is the most difficult for the earliest part of the day, because you’re going to be at your – Like a cognitive peak during this time of the day. So, if you want to schedule like the hard meeting. Don’t save it for the end of the day. You are likely going to be more emotional during the end of the day. Emotional control is a limited resource, and we start with a lot early in the day. Over the course of the day, you’re withdrawing from this bank account. Such that by the end of the day, you’re more likely to lose emotional control and the potential for making a bad decision increases later in the day.

So, yeah, think of your day as being unequal. Because of that, prioritize the hard work early. If there’s more mindless work, shift that to the end of the day if it’s possible at all. Yeah, those are just a couple of things that I do. Because of my line of work, I get asked about nootropics a lot. Obviously, Halo is a neurostimulation company. So, I get asked about neurostimulation and, I’m sure, Matt, we’re going to dive into that very deeply.

I can just say a little bit about nootropics, and that I don’t use any. I think the science is pretty muddy in this area, and I’m waiting for better science to come through both on the efficacy and safety side. I’ve tried many myself just empirically, and I haven’t found any of those experiences to be particularly compelling. Maybe caffeine could be considered a nootropic, and I do drink coffee. But, again, I stop by the early afternoon. But I do like pretty religiously every morning, drink some coffee to just kind of kick start my brain. Anyway, it’s just one that proactively get that out just in case that was of interest to you, your listeners, Matt.

[00:21:40] MB: Yeah. That was definitely something I wanted to ask you about, and I’ve had a similar experience. I mean, I’ve definitely experimented with a number of nootropics and done a little bit of homework on them as well. Have you ever come across – And this is getting far field or sort of what the context of this interview is, which is out of curiosity. Have you ever experimented with or done any homework on Ashwagandha?

[00:22:01] DC: I have not. That’s a new one.

[00:22:03] MB: It’s an interesting supplement. It’s a long story, but there’s a really cool website, and we’ll throw this in the show notes for listeners who want to do a little more homework on this. You might actually appreciate as well, Dan, but it’s called examine.com, and they basically do all the scientific – They comb through all the science. You can look up anything, whether it’s fish oil, Ashwagandha, any nootropic you can basically think of, like creatine, as aspartame, anything that you ingest basically that’s a supplement of some kind or another. You can basically see, they’ll compile all of these studies around that particular supplement or whatever it might be and give you what all the sort of amalgamation of what all the study say. So they say, “Oh, it has a moderate effect of increasing cognition, a minor effect on decreasing anxiety, etc.” It’s really fascinating stuff if you want to do homework on particular supplements and things.

Anyway, all that to say, I actually discovered looking at some of their most recommended things, I discovered ashwagandha on there as a nootropic and kind of messed around with it and thought it was interesting and it’s one that’s been around for a long time. So maybe we’re looking up at some point. We’ll throw all that stuff on the show notes for people who want to do some homework on that.

Anyway, let’s come back to the focus of your work, because I think it’s really fascinating and it’s something that is quite frankly completely – I mean, I’ve sort of heard of it, but completely alien, completely new, different to me other than prior to experiencing Halo. Tell me about how you’re taking advantage of some of this emerging brain science to, for lack of a better term, hack the brain or hack the way that the brain learns and improve it.

[00:23:35] DC: Yeah. So, I like the way you said that. So, there’s been this incredible wealth of information born out of leading research labs around the world that help us understand the brain. I would argue that it happened in the 90s with the decade of the brain. This is George H. W. Bush and his big push and it really, I think, starting from there, it just really spawned this new era of scientific research, like really focused this brain, towards neuroscience.

Where does that put us today? There’s this – All of these money and scientific attention that has been put in the brain. What exist today that’s a product or a service that we could all take advantage of? Sure, there’re been some advances in pharmacology. So, new drugs that we can all benefit from that primarily act on the brain, and we should all be thankful for that.

Especially with drug therapy for the brain, I think there leads a lot to be desired, because any drug for the brain, there’s usually a really long list of side effects. At the end of the day, the amount of benefit that you derive from this drug is actually fairly limited. So, I’m not saying that they don’t work, because they do. Obviously, there’s a really big business around drugs for the brain. But if you compare drugs for the brain versus the rest of the body, it’s down there. It ranks really, really poorly.

So, I started really thinking about this of like we have this completely renewed and far deeper, more intricate understanding as to how the brain is wired and how the brain communicates with different parts of itself through neurons and synapses and this kind of thing. Yet there isn’t a technology out there that’s really taking advantage of all of these renewed understanding of the brain, and this goes back to when I was in medical school. I went to Stanford for medical school and also have a master’s in neuroscience form Stanford. To sitting in a classroom and thinking like, “Well, if not drugs,” and there are certain problems with drugs that I think are just like that we can’t surmount. The fact that you have to take it by mouth, and it goes through the gut, into the blood. Does a lap around the whole body unnecessarily before it gets to the brain and usually it’s only a small portion of the drug that makes it into the brain. Then, similarly, goes all over the brain unnecessarily when it only needs to go to a small part of the brain to do its business. So there’s just a lot of friendly fire when you’re thinking about drugs for the brain. It’s a lot to task of this little molecule to do what we want it to do.

So, if we all agree that drugs for the brain will always have some sort of downside to it, what would be a completely different approach? I was thinking in medical school that, “Well, what if that completely different approach is not a drug at all? What if it’s a physical device that involves an electrode, a circuit and a battery? What if we stimulated the brain with electricity in a way that’s far more modern than the old approach of like using ECT?”

ECT, back in the 60s, would come a long way. Remember what computers looked like in the 60s. Think about what computers look like today. We’ve come a long way. So, what if we built electrical interfaces for the brain and we used electrons as medicine? We’ve long known that the brain is an electrical organ. So, why not speak its language and use electricity to retune circuits to either treat disease or to augment the neuro capabilities in otherwise healthy people?

So, that idea in medical school has led to a really long career in developing neurostimulation devices for the brain. So you imagined in my bio, my first company, which is this company called NeuroPace. There, what we built was like a pacemaker for the brain. So, imagine electrodes getting surgically implanted in the brain with a small computer that gets implanted in the skull for which the electrodes are connected to.

Now, this little computer has its own battery and its own software and computer chip and what it does is it’s constantly listening to the brain’s electrical activity. If it sees an electrical signature pop up that’s suggestive of a seizure about to happen, it proactively delivers a small electrical impulse to the brain to then normalize the brain’s activity.

So, what started as an idea is now an FDA approved product helping people with seizure disorder, so people with epilepsy in a way that we couldn’t have even imagined. Drug therapy is historically been really poor for this group of very needy individuals, and we come along with this completely different approach, this idea that might sound crazy at first, but if we take a step back, it also might be – Think about it in an open-minded way. It could be far more rational than using any drug. Like the idea of using a physical device and the benefit of an electrode is like we could target precisely the part of the brain that we want to target while leaving the rest of the brain and the rest of the body alone.

Also, a beautiful thing about a circuit is that you can turn it on and off whenever you want. You can’t do that with a drug. You take a drug and you’re kind of stuck with it until it clears itself. But with an electrode, because it’s connected to a circuit, we could flip it on and off at our disposal. So, really, like a different level of precision medicine that we could take advantage of when we’re thinking about a physical device, like a neurostimulator versus a drug.

So, that was my first company in this space of neurostimulation. Fast-forward to today, as you mentioned on the cofounder and CEO of Halo Neuroscience. Again, we’re building neurostimulators here. A different kind of neurostimulator though. So, it’s not a medical implant like my last company. So this is a wearable neurostimulator. So, importantly, no surgery involved. Our first product looks like a set of headphones. But if folks are on our website, what they’ll notice is some special pieces built into the underside of the arch of the headphone. Those are electrodes.

What that does is it gently physically contacts the scalp, and when you turn on the neurostimulator, it provides a level of neurostimulation that is strong enough to get through the skull while gently interacting with just the superficial layers of the cortex.

What that does – So 20 minutes of this special kind of neurostimulation. What that does is it induces a temporary state of hyperplasticity. Just a few minutes ago, we’re talking about neuroplasticity. So, neuroplasticity is the process by which we learn. It’s the process by which we create new circuits in our brain. Hyperplasticity is just more of that.

So, what can we do with this form of neurostimulation and the future of learning in memory? What we see is this is a tool that just about anybody could use to learn faster. Let’s face it, starting in our late teens, our ability to learn starts to decline. This process of neuroplasticity is most robust when we’re young. But as we get older, it starts to slowdown. Importantly, it never goes to zero, which we should all be thankful for of taking advantage of.

But let’s face it, the older we get, the more frustrating it is to learn. What I’m so excited about with this form of neurostimulation is that we’re able to induce these temporary states of hyperplasticity to use it to our advantage. So, this process of learning, we could facilitate that.

One way to think about our technology is that we can make your brain temporarily kid like so that we can learn at the rate, like which we used to, which to me is really exciting. Just full transparency, I’m in my 40s and I certainly remember the days when I was much younger. Even in my 20s when I was in medical school. I could just remember a lot faster. Lot more material in a much shorter time, and I hunger for those days. The cool thing about this technology that we’re developing is that it helps me get back to those days.

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[00:34:45] MB: So I want to break that down a little bit and really concretely and specifically, because I’m really curious about how to actually apply this. So if you induce a state of hyperplasticity. One, how long does that state last in my brain? Then the second piece of that is, if I learn something in that state, and I also have a question about sort of learning that can go on with that. Does the learning that takes place within that state, is that a permanently increased amount of learning?

I guess let’s start with those two, and then I also have a question about what kinds of things I can do, because I know the Halo Neuro is focused primarily around sort of athletic ability or motor skills. But if I wanted to put it on and read a book, could I do that and would that improve my learning retention and permanent sort of memory of what I just read?

[00:35:36] DC: All right. So, let’s pick them off one by one. The first thing you asked about is how long are you in this window of hyperplasticity? So, great question. So 20 minutes of neurostimulation opens up a window of about an hour of hyperplasticity. So let’s get really practical here. So what does that mean with our first product? Our first product is Halo Sport.

Halo Sport is just a fancy marketing term for a motor cortex neurostimulator. So, the motor cortex of this special part of the brain that controls movement in our bodies sits in our brain like a horseshoe going from ear to ear. Right over the top of our head. So, any set of headphones, the arch of the headphone just naturally goes over the motor cortex. Hence, the headphone form factor for Halo Sport. That’s why we pick that form factor, because it’s perfect for us. The arch of the headphone is just naturally going over exactly the neuro anatomy that we want to target. So we build our electrodes into the underside of the arch of our headphones. If you wear that for 20 minutes, what we then want you to do for the next hour is to practice some movement that you want to get better at.

So, we’ve been talking about athletes, and certainly applications in athletic pursuits. But, internally at the company, we have a much broader definition of what we think an athlete is. So, we would consider musicians athletes. So, think about like the technical mechanical skill of playing violin or piano or guitar. We think of folks in the military as athletes, and we think about the mechanical skill of, say, shooting a gun. We think of surgeons as athletes. In fact, we’re working with about a dozen medical schools already to help the next generation of surgeons learn how to tie sutures and this type of thing at an accelerated rate.

So, just getting really practical here, what we want athletes to do or surgeons or folks in the military, what we want them to do is wear the headset for 20 minutes generally while they’re warming up. So the warm up is about 20 minutes. They’re stretching. So on and so forth. The neurostimulation is about 20 minutes. So that’s a nice chunk of time. You’re welcome to take the headset off, after those 20 minutes of neurostimulation, and then what we want you to do for that next hour is to give us awesome training reps, like a thoughtful, deliberate training repetitions.

So, practice three-pointers. Practice your ping-pong forehand. Practice scales on the violin. Whatever kind of movement that you are practicing, during that next hour, you will learn that movement at an accelerated rate.

[00:38:27] MB: Is that learning permanent?

[00:38:28] DC: Exactly. So your question was, in the next hour, you did a bunch of practice and you learned more than you would have otherwise. Awesome! What happens to that additional lift in learning?

So scientists call this the durability of the effect, and it’s been scientifically tested and we can – If you’re interested in rolling up our sleeves, we can talk about some of the data. But, in short, just cutting to the chase, what you learned in the state of hyperplasticity is as durable as any result that you would have gained through a bunch of practice even without neurostimulation. So, it’s a durable effect.

I think, Matt, maybe why you asked that is many people are afraid of some sort of dependence to the neurostimulation, that you have to keep using it to maintain this additional lift in learning benefit, and that’s not true. So, for a brain, whether you learned it the regular way or you learned it with the benefit of neurostimulation. That lift in learning is yours to keep.

[00:39:41] MB: To come back to the earlier analogy of the path through the forest. It starts to pave that road, but the road stays paved even if you don’t ever use the stimulation again.

[00:39:52] DC: Right. So, yeah, the paved road will remain paved as it would even if you didn’t use neurostimulation. But the weeds – If you don’t practice, and this goes back to the first few minutes of the show. If you don’t practice, you’ll see cracks in the pavement and weeds growing through the pavement. If left untended for long enough, it’s going to grow back to the jungle.

[00:40:19] MB: That’s a great way to tie that analogy back up too and come back to the idea of that neuroplasticity cuts both ways and the brain can atrophy as well.

[00:40:27] DC: That’s right. That’s right. So you could lose this nice road. But importantly, the pavement doesn’t crack any faster if you use brain stimulation or not. The weeds don’t grow back any faster if you use brain stimulation or not. That road is as durable whether you use brain stimulation or no brain stimulation. That your road is your road.

[00:40:50] MB: All right. I have a couple more questions about this, because it’s such a novel and an interesting application of some of these cutting edge brain science that it’s a little bit scary for lack of a better term. I mean, I know you’ve done a lot of the research and it’s very safe from all the science. But I just want to hear a little bit more about that. I guess the first piece would be what happens if I put it on the wrong way or put it on the wrong part of my brain?

[00:41:16] DC: Yeah. So if you know how to put on headphones, you will almost certainly not be putting it in like a wrong part of your brain. So, the biggest problem that we have in terms of decisioning is for a lot of our younger users for style reasons. It’s cool or whatever to tilt your headphones backwards more than, say, the generation before. So that’s not us. For us, proper positioning is the headphones straight up and down if you’re standing straight up. So, nice and vertical.

We did a bunch of usability testing before we released our product, and 99% of people who just naturally put on our headphones had proper positioning. That 1% was a couple of young people that tilted it too far back.

[00:42:08] MB: Could I flip them forward and like juice up my prefrontal cortex and then do some reading?

[00:42:14] DC: So, let’s keep going. I want to answer that, but let’s keep going with this. So, let’s just say that you had it on wrong and you’re stimulating some other part of your brain, not the motor cortex. So the worse that could happen is you just don’t get the training benefit. So, let’s say you had it on incorrectly and you just did a bunch of training practicing ping-pong. You’re still going to get a training lift, because you practiced, but you’re not going to get an additional training lift, because your neurostimulation was mis-targeted. If that makes any sense.

So, just to kind of maybe close this chunk of the conversation on safety, because like I’m really happy that you asked, because I think for most people, their first exposure to hearing about neurostimulation is like they’re somewhat fearful of this idea. But the safety data for this technology is incredibly safe. So, we have a database of over a quarter million neurostimulation sessions. In our user base has been incredibly safe.

In the publish literature, there’s been about 4,000 articles published on this topic and there’s been safety data that goes along with just about every single one of these publications and some of them covering hundreds, if not tens of thousands of people sometimes for years on end. In the publish literature, again, it verifies what we found, is that this technology is incredibly safe.

[00:43:44] MB: Yeah. So, that’s great. That definitely helps kind of assuage my safety question. I think the physical piece is really interesting. I’m somebody who also spends a huge amount of time reading, learning, listening to audio books and podcasts and all these kind of stuff. Let’s say just for reading a book, for example, and it may not be possible with the current iteration of the Halo Sport. But could I, in theory, tilt it forward on to my prefrontal cortex and juice that up? That might be the wrong part of the brain quite honestly. I don’t know enough about exactly where that’s going to be happening. But the idea is basically could I reposition it or how would I want to position it or how would I use something like neurostimulation to then go read a book and have that knowledge sync in five times more deeply that it would have previously?

[00:44:31] DC: So, that’s a great question, and the answer is that you could. So, you asked about the prefrontal cortex. So, just for your listeners, the reason why you picked on this part of the brain is because the prefrontal cortex has been implicated in executive function, cognitive function, especially attention and focus. So, neuroscientists, especially cognitive neuroscientists have been interested in this special part of the brain thinking that if we can augment the circuit that centers around the prefrontal cortex, that we can augment cognitive function.

So, sure enough, there’s a wealth of data out there. Many of these papers have come out in the last five years. So, relatively new science. But there’s been dozens of publications that describe the use of neurostimulation applied to the prefrontal cortex that behaviorally generates, benefits in executive function and cognitive function, which just not to spill company secrets, we’re really interested in that.

So, you asked a question with Halo Sport. Hey, we know it’s a neurostimulator. We know it’s meant to target the top of your head, but what if I’m a power user? What if wanted to tilt it forward? So the prefrontal cortex for your listeners is kind of like the top part of your forehead, like right at the hairline in most people.

So, what if you tilt it forward such that the electrodes are now over your prefrontal cortex and you used Halo Sport, and it might look a little silly, because you’ve got headphones now on your forehead. But whatever, right? You want to do neurostimulation of your prefrontal cortex. You absolutely could. Would I recommend it? Maybe not, because Halo Sport is just not meant to target the prefrontal cortex. But we know that some of our power users, like many of our – We’re collaborators with a lot of different scientists and we know that there are certain labs that are using it in this capacity. So it definitely can be done.

[00:46:42] MB: Would the prefrontal cortex be the right place to put it to improve retention of materials that I was learning?

[00:46:50] DC: Absolutely. So you got that right. So there’s even a more special part of the prefrontal cortex called the dorsal lateral prefrontal cortex. So the DLPFC, especially the one on the left. So, this areas has been studied in great detail, probably – It is right up there with the motor cortex and brain regions has been studied with neurostimulation. The results have been really impressive. So, looking at attention and focus and memory, you can enhance all of those things if you stimulate the DLPFC. So, apply that to reading a text book to learn a new body of science or a foreign language or something like that would be a great application.

[00:47:34] MB: Very interesting stuff. So, for somebody who’s listening who maybe doesn’t access to a neurostimulation device, what would be kind of one action item that you would give them to start implementing some of the themes and ideas we’ve talked about today in terms of taking some basic steps towards improving brain health and brain optimization.

[00:47:53] DC: So we talked about sleep. We didn’t talk about exercise. Exercise has been shown over and over and over the – Like great for brain health. I don’t know if any of these is news. But if maybe us talking about it inspired people that actually do it, that would be a huge win for me and hopefully for this podcast. It’s simple enough. Get good sleep and also exercise regularly. I mean, those two things will go such a long way for brain health and performance.

We didn’t talk about vascular health. So, vascular health is brain health. This is for later in life, but all of these things start with health habits when you’re young. When the artery start to harden and narrow, you get into problems with good blood flow through the brain. You also get in to the nth degree. There’s what’s called a brain attack or a stroke. That could happen, and obviously that’s terrible for brain health.

But, healthier arteries start with good habits when we’re young. So that’s about eating right. Maintaining a good healthy weight, and exercise. Yeah, again, not rocket science. Nothing fancy. You just got to do it.

[00:49:12] MB: Great advice, and we talk about it all the time on the show, and we’ll throw some great episodes in the show notes as well that dig in to sleep strategies and much more. But it bears repeating that sometimes the simplest interventions are the most powerful.

Dan, for listeners who want to find more about you and Halo and all of your work and everything you’re doing online, what is the best place for them to go?

[00:49:33] DC: Yeah, the website’s got a ton of stuff. URL is really easy, it’s just haloneuro.com, and you could find us on all the different social media feeds, Twitter, Instagram, Facebook, like all the latest company news will also show up on social. Our email list, you can sign up for at our website. We’ll have like additional richer content that folks that really want to dig in and stay abreast with the company. I’d highly recommend that.

[00:50:03] MB: Well, Dan, thank you so much for coming on the show, for digging in to all these fascinating neuroscience. It’s really, really cutting edge stuff, and it’s fascinating. I can’t wait to see where this research keeps going and what other devices and applications you create overtime to help people optimize and hack their brains.

[00:50:21] DC: Yeah. Thanks. It’s been a lot of fun. Thank you so much for having me on the show.

[00:50:26] MB: Thank you so much for listening to the Science of Success. We created this show to help you, our listeners, master evidence-based growth. I love hearing from listeners. If you want to reach out, share your story, or just say hi, shoot me an e-mail. My e-mail is matt@successpodcast.com. That’s M-A-T-T@successpodcast.com. I’d love to hear from you and I read and respond to every single listener e-mail.

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Remember, the greatest compliment you can give us is a referral to a friend either live or online. If you enjoyed this episode, please leave us an awesome review and subscribe on iTunes because that helps boost the algorithm, that helps us move up the iTunes rankings and helps more people discover the Science of Success.

Don't forget, if you want to get all the incredible information we talked about in the show, links transcripts, everything we discussed and much more, be sure to check out our show notes. You can get those at successpodcast.com, just hit the show notes button right at the top.

Thanks again, and we'll see you on the next episode of the Science of Success.

July 04, 2019 /Lace Gilger
Mind Expansion, Focus & Productivity
John Assaraf-01.png

The Shocking Secret You Must Know to Create Lasting Behavior Change with John Assaraf

June 20, 2019 by Lace Gilger in Focus & Productivity

In this episode, we discuss how to hack your brain to finally create the results you want in life. We take a hard look at what really drivers results and the reality that knowledge and skill aren’t what make you successful - the subconscious drives your behavior, that’s it. You don’t need any more tools to achieve your goals, you just need to change your beliefs and your subconscious set points for success, happiness, and achievement. Action is the ultimate arbiter of your success, are you taking enough of it, and how can you take more? We discuss all of this and much more with our guest John Assaraf.

John Assaraf is an entrepreneur, brain researcher and the CEO of NeuroGym. He is the author of two New York Times best-selling books and his latest work is titled “Innercise: The New Science to Unlock Your Brain’s Hidden Power”. Throughout his career, he has worked some of the world's top minds and has shared his expertise with millions of viewers on Larry King Live, The Ellen DeGeneres Show, and dozens of other media venues worldwide.

  • Emotions are triggered in your subconscious, that then trigger neurochemicals, which cause feelings, which you either like the experience of or don’t like

  • How do you deal with the subconscious fear of failure or disappointment?

  • The subconscious fear of failure can stop you from taking action.

  • Emotions are just signals for what’s going on in your brain and in your body

  • Instead of focusing on just on the emotion - focus on what’s CAUSING the emotion - use the emotion as a signal

  • When you don’t understand what’s causing you to be afraid and stopping you from taking action - you will be a VICTIM of your emotions

  • Our behaviors are an EFFECT - if you take action, that’s an effect, if you don’t take action, that’s an effect.

  • Ask yourself - why am I taking (or not taking) the action I want to take?

  • What does real science say that can help you really understand what’s going on?

  • Results are nothing more than effects… but the effects of WHAT?

  • What are the precursors to RESULTS?

  • What causes RESULTS in your life?

  • Here are the precursors to results:

    • Beliefs

    • Emotions

    • Values

    • Self-image, self-worth, self-esteem - what you believe about yourself and what you deserve

  • Whenever we have an implicit subconscious belief that differs from a conscious explicit belief we have “neural chaos” and you will “rationalize why you can’t or shouldn’t do it”

  • Rationalize = rational, lies

  • Not taking action is a behavior. So is taking action.

  • What’s going on in my subconscious mind that is preventing me from taking action?

  • If your values are in conflict with your beliefs - you won’t get the results you want.

  • Knowledge doesn’t drive behavior. Skill doesn’t drive behavior. The subconscious drives behavior. That’s it.

  • 96-98% of all of your thoughts, emotions, and behaviors are part of your “Default mode network” or your "automatic self"

  • How do you embark on the deliberate conscious evolution of yourself?

  • How do you ACCESS the subconscious mind?

  • How do you REPROGRAM the subconscious mind?

  • In order to REPROGRAM your subconscious mind - it takes PRACTICE

    • How many free throws does a basketball player have to shoot to make the automatic?

    • How much effort does it take for a baby to learn the alphabet?

    • It takes between 66 days and 365 days to reprogram the subconscious mind so that it does the work without thinking - so that it becomes automatic

  • People often confuse GATHERING information with what it takes to impregnate that information into the subconscious

  • You have to practice and exercise and build “neuro muscles” over and over again

    • Habits

    • Beliefs

    • etc

  • What is a habit in the brain? What is the belief in the brain?

    • It’s nothing more than a cluster of cells that have been connected and reinforced over and over again through time

    • All of your habits and beliefs and perspectives have been trained and reinforced into your brain

  • It takes hours and hours of practice, hundreds and hundreds of hours in many cases - to learn behavior or habit into the brain.

  • Everything always starts as a fantasy. That people then make into a fact. That’s how the process of creation works.

  • Feelings are just conscious awareness of the neurochemicals flowing through your body.

  • The new era of personal development and the new science of success is about understanding brain circuitry and reprogramming it

  • People often don’t need more TOOLS - the problem is that your beliefs and financial set points get stuck

  • How John’s mindset principles created $100mm in 6 months at his real estate company

  • What should you do if it’s too hard to you don’t have time to implement some of these ideas?

  • Are you interested in achieving your goals or are you COMMITTED to them?

    • If you’re interested you’ll do what’s convenient, but you’ll tell yourself stories about why you can’t achieve it

    • If you’re committed, you will do what it takes. You will upgrade yourself.

  • You’ll either pay the price of the discipline of life or you’ll pay the price of regret. Discipline weighs ounces, regret weighs tons.

  • 2 Specific Innercises you can do right now

    • “Take Six, Calm The Circuits”

      • Take six deep breaths, in through the nose, out through the mouth like your blowing into a straw - and deactivate the fear center of the brain

    • “AIA"

      • Awarenesses

        • Of Thoughts, emotions, feelings, sensations, and the behavior you’ve just been engaged in for the last 1-5 minutes

        • State of no judgment, no shame, no blame, no guilt - just pure awareness

      • Intention

        1. What’s your intention right now?

      • Action

        1. What’s one action you take right now to make that a reality?

  • Awareness is what creates choice, choice creates freedom

  • Homework: Cognitive priming. Ask yourself - what do you want from every area of your life?

    • “I’m so happy and grateful for the fact that…"

    • Bring forth all the thoughts, behaviors, people, knowledge and skills so that can make this a reality today

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Want To Dig In More?! - Here’s The Show Notes, Links, & Research

General

  • John’s Website

  • John’s Instagram, Twitter, and Facebook

  • NeuroGym website

Media

  • [Article] Make a Vision Board - “Meet John Assaraf” by Susan

  • [Article] Awaken the Greatness Within - “44 Inspirational John Assaraf Quotes On Success” By Asad Meah (are these quote pages helpful/useful?)

  • [Article] Goalcast - “John Assaraf Wants to Help You Reach Your Full Potential by Rewiring Your Brain” By MJ Kelly

  • [Article] INC. - “12 Daily Habits Practiced by Highly Successful People” By Christina DesMarais

  • [Article] Thrive Global - “Unlock Your Brain’s Hidden Power: With John Assaraf, CEO of NeuroGym” by Yitzi Weiner

  • [Article] Thrive Global - “How to Create a Successful Routine That Makes You 10x More Productive” by Anthony Moore

  • [Article] Mind Body Green - “Why Simply Setting Goals Still Isn’t Motivating You to Follow Through” by John Assaraf

  • [Article] Forbes - “Self Improvement Through Neuroscience And Technology” by RL Adams

  • [Article] Mind Movies - “[Interview] John Assaraf Reveals Why Money May Not Solve Your Money Problems” by Natalie Yedwell

  • [Article] Entrepreneur - “How to Strengthen Your Brain for Success” by David Meltzer

  • [Article] Manifestation Portal - “Who is John Assaraf”

  • [Article] The Law of Attraction - “John Assaraf: Brain-A-Thon & Winning The Game Of Money”

  • [Podcast] The One Thing - Episode 22: The ONE Thing for Developing a Millionaire Mindset w/ John Assaraf

  • [Podcast] Awakenings with Michele Meiche - Innercise: The New Science to Unlock Your Brain’s Hidden Power - John Assaraf

  • [Podcast] The Playbook - John Assaraf: How To Properly Utilize Your Brain

  • [Podcast] Impact Theory - John Assaraf How to Upgrade Your Mindset in 46 Minutes

  • [Podcast] Go Pro with Eric Worre - John Assaraf: Unlocking the Power of Your Brain

Videos

  • John’s Youtube Channel

  • How to Set and Achieve any Goal you Have in Your Life - with John Assaraf Part 1

  • Part 2 - How to Set and Achieve any Goal you Have in Your Life - with John Assaraf

  • The easy 4-step process to achieving any goal!

  • Team Fearless - Train Your Brain To Make More Money - John Assaraf

    • Are You INTERESTED Or Are You COMMITTED? - John Assaraf

  • David Laroche World - How to teach and train your brain to Get What You Really Want ? - John Assaraf

  • MindValley - Retrain Your Financial Brain | John Assaraf

  • Be Inspired - THIS WILL TRANSFORM YOUR LIFE! The "Brush And Prime" Ritual

  • Success Archive - What People Don't Realize About Life | Listen This Everyday and You'll See Changes in Your Life

  • Lewis Howes - John Assaraf on Unlocking Your Brain's Full Potential with Lewis Howes

  • Finerminds - John Assaraf shares his Vision Board

Books

  • [Book Site] Innercise by John Assaraf

  • [Book] The Answer: Grow Any Business, Achieve Financial Freedom, and Live an Extraordinary Life by John Assaraf and Murray Smith

  • [Book] Having It All: Achieving Your Life's Goals and Dreams by John Assaraf

  • [Book] The Complete Vision Board Kit: Using the Power of Intention and Visualization to Achieve Your Dreams  by John Assaraf

  • [Book] The Street Kid's Guide to Having It All by John Assaraf and Peri Poloni

Episode Transcript

[00:00:04.4] ANNOUNCER: Welcome to The Science of Success. Introducing your host, Matt Bodnar.

[0:00:11.8] MB: Welcome to the Science of Success; the number one evidence-based growth podcast on the internet with more than three million downloads and listeners in over a hundred countries.

In this episode, we discuss how to hack your brain to finally create the results you want in life. We take a hard look at what really drives results and the reality that knowledge and skill aren't what make you successful. This subconscious drives your behavior. That's it. You don't need any more tools to achieve your goals, you just need to change your beliefs and your subconscious set points for success, happiness and achievement. Action is the ultimate arbiter of your success. Are you taking enough of it? How can you take even more? We discuss all of this and much more with our guest John Assaraf.

I’m going to tell you why you’ve been missing out on some incredibly cool stuff if you haven’t signed up for our e-mail list yet. All you have to do to sign up is to go to successpodcast.com and sign up right on the home page.

On top of tons subscriber-only content, exclusive access and live Q&As with previous guests, monthly giveaways and much more, I also created an epic free video course just for you. It's called How to Create Time for What Matters Most Even When You're Really Busy. E-mail subscribers have been raving about this guide.

You can get all of that and much more by going to successpodcast.com and signing up right on the home page, or by texting the word “smarter” to the number 44-222 on your phone. If you like what I do on Science of Success, my e-mail list is the number one way to engage with me and go deeper on what I discuss on the show, including free guides, actionable takeaways, exclusive content and much, much more.

Sign up for my e-mail list today by going to successpodcast.com and signing up right on the home page, or if you're on the go, if you're on your phone right now, it's even easier. Just text the word “smarter”, that's S-M-A-R-T-E-R to the number 44-222. I can't wait to show you all the exciting things you'll get when you sign up and join the e-mail list.

In our previous episode, we discussed improving your mental nutrition. Decades ago, we realized that our society had started eroding our physical health with desk jobs and fast food and we became conscious of the need for fitness and nutrition. Now, we stand at the precipice of an even bigger struggle. We're healthier and happier than ever before and yet, anxiety, suicide and depression are on the rise.

How do we improve our mental fitness and take action to challenge our rationality, our impulsiveness and our bad habits? Do you want to finally move past inaction, procrastination and laziness? Do you want to feel happier about the world? Listen to our previous interview with our returning guest, Mark Manson.

Now, for our interview with John. Please note, this episode contains profanity.

[0:03:32.6] MB: Today, we have another exciting guest on the show, John Assaraf. John is an entrepreneur, brain researcher and the CEO of NeuroGym. He's the author of two New York Times bestselling books and his latest work is titled Innercise: The New Science to Unlock Your Brain’s Hidden Power. Throughout his career, he's worked with some of the world's top minds and has shared his expertise with millions of people on Larry King Live, Ellen DeGeneres Show and dozens of other media outlets worldwide.

John, welcome to the Science of Success.

[0:04:00.8] JA: Hey, Matt. Great to be with you. Thanks.

[0:04:02.5] MB: Well, we're very excited to have you on the show today and to dig into all of this. I'd love to start out with an analogy that I've heard you share in the past, which is this idea that our emotions are like a car's dashboard. Tell me more about that and how people misunderstand it.

[0:04:20.6] JA: Let's dive right into it, right? Well, when you do a little bit of brain research and you start to understand a little about the circuits of the brain, what turns them on, what turns them off, what's the neuro-chemistry that's actually causing people to put their foot on the gas and let's go, let's make things happen and what causes people to put on the brakes and stop dead in their tracks, you have to look at the world of emotions and feelings, which are two different things.

From a pure neuroscience perspective, we have emotions that are all triggered in subconscious that trigger neuro-chemicals that causes these feelings, that people either like or don't like, that they resonate with or they don't. When somebody has any emotion, so for example, if somebody has a goal to achieve; grow their business, make an extra $25,000 a year, or $25,000 a month in income, if they have the goal that excites them and lets say, dopamine is released and they share it with a co-worker, or a friend, or a partner and they release these oxytocin neuro-chemicals that is the bonding and love chemicals, everybody feels great, what happens if there's a subconscious pattern, for example, or a subconscious fear of failure, or being disappointed because you tried and failed, then you're embarrassed, or ashamed, or ridiculed, the neuro chemicals of fear will actually stop people from actually taking action.

When we talk about emotions, emotions are just signals for what's going on in your brain and through your body, and so our feelings. Instead of focusing on the emotion, what we need to be focusing on is what's triggering this disempowering, or destructive emotion, or this debilitating emotion that's preventing me from taking action. Procrastination is one of the greatest facts of fear.

When people don't understand what's causing them to not take action, or to take risk, then they are going to be victims of their emotions. I like to share with people that you want to be aware of what are your core emotions, what are the feelings that move you forward and the feelings that stop you and then how do you manage and then master them, versus becoming a victim of them?

[0:06:51.8] MB: I love that phrase, ‘a victim of your emotions’. It's so true. There's so many instances and examples of people who have this desire to do something and yet, they always seem to get distracted, or never quite take the action, or never really get there and keep self-sabotaging. It's a great way to phrase that. It’s calling them victims of their own emotions.

[0:07:14.3] JA: The thing that is worthy for everybody to take a look at is our behaviors, our effects, right? If we take action, that's an effect. If we don't take action, that's an effect. Our emotions are effect. Procrastination is an effect. The question that a smart person is going to ask themselves is why am I, or why am I not taking the action that I want to take or should take?

This is where the body of work that I've done around Innercise, it's around unlocking your brain’s hidden power and potential. When most people focus on personal development, I love the Science of Success podcast, because I'm all about the science of what's the real science that'll show me and help me understand what's really, really going on.

When we talk about results, results are nothing more than effects. The question is effects of what? What is the precursor to all results, or what are the precursors to all results? We know what they are and we know what triggers them in the brain and we know what to do about them if they're disempowering or destructive.

[0:08:26.7] MB: That's such a crystal clear way of thinking about it and breaking the process down; what are the precursors to results? I love that way of thinking about it. Let's dig into that. What are they?

[0:08:37.3] JA: Number one is going to be your beliefs. Let me give you some things to chew on for everybody who's listening. Let's say you have this belief that you can make $500,000 a year and you're really excited about that. We call that a decorative belief, a belief that you can declare. “I can make $500,000 a year. I want to make $500,000 a year.” What if you have another belief that maybe you've developed over childhood, or in your 20s and 30s that says, “But I don't have a college degree, so am I really smart enough? Am I worthy? Do I really deserve that amount?”

Whenever we have an explicit belief, for example, that contradicts our implicit subconscious belief, we're going to have something known as neural chaos and we won't take action. We will procrastinate and we'll rationalize why we can't or shouldn't, and the definition of rationalize is we’ll tell ourselves rational lies and it'll make all the sense in the world at the time. Beliefs drive behavior, but specifically subconscious implicit beliefs, versus conscious goal, wanting or desiring beliefs. That's number one.

Number two, we talked about already and that is emotions. When we have an emotion that is going against our natural propensity for safety first, the brakes go on in our brain. The motivational center is deactivated. If we have a fear for example, of being embarrassed, ashamed, ridiculed, judged, disappointed, fear of success, fear of failure, there's 50 different types of just fears that will hold us back, emotions drive behavior.

Not taking action is a behavior, so is taking action. If we're not taking action, emotions are again, part of our subconscious, and so we have to look at what is going on in my subconscious mind that's putting on the brakes of behavior? I know I need to take action. I may even know what to do. I may even have the freaking blueprint to do it. If you're not taking action, even though you have the knowledge or the skill, then there's something that's triggered in the emotional center of the brain, the limbic system that's putting on the brakes and deactivating motivational and motor cortex of the brain.

Beliefs, limiting one specifically, and then emotions, are two values, or three. We will move towards things that we value the most. Now when we have conflicts between what we value, so I'll give you an example. Let's say you're newly married and you really value your spouse, your significant other. Maybe you even have a one-year-old, two-year-old, three-year-old, whatever the ages of a little child. Let's say you value your family like, “Oh, my God. This is unbelievable.” Then you have a belief that in order to take care of my family, I've got to work 60, 70 hours a week to make enough money to take care of them, to support them, to have safety and security for them. Well, guess what? Your beliefs are going to override your values and you're going to be a workhorse and not spend time with your family, because a belief will override a value.

Beliefs, emotions and values are three of the things that hold people back from taking action. Then there's another one and that is self-image, self-worth, self-esteem, those all combine for this one category of what do I really believe about myself and what do I believe I deserve? When we have all of these mental constructs all wrapped around in the emotions, that is what is going to drive behavior more than anything else. It's not knowledge, it's not skill, as relates to achievement of a goal.

It has to do with what is really happening at the subconscious level that has been conditioned from the time we are born, without any beliefs, without any habits, without any emotions, without any constructs. When we start to take a look at beliefs, emotions, values and habits and self-esteem, self-worth, that is what's going to drive our behavior and cause us to take action or not and to what degree we will.

This is the stuff that I guess for me, this is my play zone. This is the stuff that I discovered many, many, many years ago as a 19-year-old under-performing kid that didn't think I was smart enough, good enough, or worthy enough to do anything with my life. My results were showing it and the police would probably tell you the same, and so did my teachers. I'll share with you a couple stories after you and I say hello again, because I know you're being very patient with my long-winded answer.

[0:13:34.9] MB: Perfect. No. I mean, there's so much to unpack with that and I want to hear a couple of these stories and then I want to really dig into the meat of how to do this. One of the things you said to me really hit home, which is the idea of knowledge doesn't drive behavior. Skills don't drive behavior. The subconscious is what drives your behavior.

[0:13:51.0] JA: Correct. All of the latest research shows that 96% to 98% of all of your thoughts, emotions and behaviors are part of something known as your default mode network, or your automatic self. Once we are conditioned through imprinting, coaching and modeling years and experimental years, once our subconscious is programmed and conditioned, the second hierarchy of the brain efficiency goes right to work and makes anything that took conscious effort and makes it unconscious, or subconscious and there's no thought and very little energy required to fulfill it.

This is where I've worked for 38, 40 years now. Actually it’s about 40 years, on understanding how do you get access to this subconscious where the software, the programming is, and how do you reprogram your own subconscious mind? Again, that's what I did in my book Innercise, is here are some of the best methods to access the subconscious mind and then reprogram it almost like, I call a deliberate conscious evolution, is you're deliberately evolving yourself, as opposed to waiting for time to do it. You're just accelerating through technologies and evidence-based methodologies.

There are ways to do that. I did it for myself in health. I've done it for myself in business and the finances and I've done it with tens of thousands. I've taught 100,000s of students around the world. Including a company that I built from myself as the CEO of RE/MAX Of Indiana to a 2,500 salespeople who did 4 and a half billion dollars a year in sales at our prime, before I sold it in 2007.

[0:15:41.8] MB: That's amazing. I want to dig into this. What was the phrase again? Deliberate self-evolution?

[0:15:47.0] JA: Deliberate conscious evolution.

[0:15:48.9] MB: Deliberate conscious evolution. I love that. I want to unpack the two key pieces of this, which is how do we access the subconscious mind and all the things that are going on there and then how do we reprogram it? I know those are related, but separate pieces.

[0:16:04.9] JA: We know for example that we have different brainwave frequencies, right? We have beta, alpha, theta, delta, gamma and every combination thereof. There's at any given time, there's 40, 50, 60 different variations of brainwave frequencies. When we're talking like this and we're paying close attention to what you and I are talking about, we're mostly in a beta brainwave frequency.

Now we also know that if we just calmed down and relaxed a little bit more, maybe took 6, 10, 12 breaths, closed our eyes and went into a mindfulness state, more of an alpha brainwave frequency, or even go a little bit deeper from just a relaxed calm state, into a slight meditative state, we know that we're basically setting aside this conscious part of our brain and we can access our subconscious part of our brain.

The first thing to know when we're playing with retraining your brain is you don't retrain your brain for the most part by reading a book, but if for example you are sitting quietly without falling asleep, but putting yourself in what we call as a hypnagogic state, if you move into a quiet, relaxed state and let's say, you listen to the book, you're going to bypass this conscious processor and then you're going to access the subconscious mind, where your retention levels are going to be 10, 20, 30X.

When we are listening to, let's say self-talk, or affirmations, or we are doing visualizations and accessing the occipital lobe in the brain, when we do mindfulness practices, when we use subliminal programming, when we get into a calm state and we look at a vision of our goals in a calm, relaxed state, without focusing on well, how am I going to achieve this, and we start to activate the emotional centers of the brain, activate the visual centers of the brain, activate the motor cortex of the brain, now we are accessing the subconscious part of our brain, which once we program that part of our brain, it then goes to work on making whatever it is that we're conditioning it to do automatic.

Here's something that I just – it would be remiss for me not to tell people this. In order to reprogram your subconscious mind – I want everybody to pay really close attention. A lot of people think that you do it one time, three times, five times, 10 times and you're really good at it. Think about this. How many free-throws does a basketball player have to shoot in order to get really, really, really good and make that automatic? How many efforts does a baby require to learn the alphabet, or the multiplication, division and addition tables? How much time does it take conscious effort for a baby to learn how to tie his shoes, or to learn how to use a spoon and just get food out of a little baby food jar?

Here's what we know. It takes between 66 days and 365 days to reprogram the subconscious mind and/or program the subconscious mind so that it does the work without thinking. It becomes automatic. Where most people make this just this monstrous mistake is they confuse gathering information, which happens at the conscious level of our being with what it really takes to impregnate that into the subconscious, so that it starts to do all the heavy lifting.

When we're talking about training or retraining your brain, think about this, if you're wickedly out of shape and you're 20 pounds overweight, or 15 pounds overweight, how long does it take you to release the weight in a healthy way and get into good shape so you can run a 10K run? It's going to take you four, or five, six, seven, eight weeks, right? Well, this is the same type of principle. You exercise to strengthen your physical muscles and internal organs and you Innercise to strengthen your core neuro-muscles.

Confidence is a neuro-muscle. Self-esteem is a neuro-muscle. Beliefs are neuro-muscles. Habits are neuro-muscles that are either weak or strong, constructive or destructive, empowering or disempowering to varying degrees. Every athlete knows they have to practice before a performance. Every Navy SEAL, every astronaut practices perfectly so that they perform perfectly. It's not just practice, it's perfect practice makes perfect.

When we're dealing with the brain, an easy visual for somebody to take a look at is imagine if you had two coders, they're coding software. One was a beginner, had no idea of what she's doing, another one is got 10 years of experience and can just program incredibly. Well, how did they get to becoming a really good programmer? They had to practice, they to make a lot of mistakes and to figure out the right code and the right programming language and then they could let it rip. Well, our subconscious mind works just like that. Whatever you have been conditioned, or whatever you condition or program your mind with is what it will perform.

[0:21:50.0] MB: So many different things that I want to follow through on that. This point that you made, which is really, really important, especially for everybody listening to this show because it's so easy to fall into this trap, that people often confuse gathering information with what it actually takes to subconsciously implant and really embed that information into your habits and your belief structures and the subconscious structure of the brain itself.

[0:22:16.5] JA: That is totally correct. If we want to just unpack it a little bit more, if you think about what is a habit in the brain? What's a belief in the brain? What is it? The answer is it's nothing more than a cluster of cells that have connected and have been reinforced over time. There isn't anybody who's listening right now that was born with any beliefs, any habits, any perspectives. All of that was trained into your brain, or conditioned into your brain through your parents, your teachers, books, experiences, repetition, emotions, associations.

If a limiting belief, for example, I'm too young. I'm too Asian or Caucasian, too whatever, too young, too old, any limiting belief. I'm not smart enough, not good enough, not worried enough. That is nothing more than a pattern in the brain. A habit is a coalesced set of thoughts, emotions and behaviors that have been automated to conserve energy, period. That's all it is.

If a thought, or an emotional pattern, or a behavioral pattern is nothing more than cells connecting in the brain, then is there a way to deactivate the unwanted, or disempowering ones and is there a way to input new patterns in the brain that are constructive and powerful? The answers abso-fuckin-lutely.

[0:23:48.5] MB: Let's dig into a little bit more around how do we actually start to reprogram and practice those new beliefs, because I think that's another point that you made a minute ago that's really, really important. It's not a thing where there's a quick fix and you have this breakthrough insight and suddenly, your subconscious has changed forever. Just like learning how to spell, just like learning how to throw free throws, it's something that takes practice over and over and over again to really reinforce some change.

[0:24:16.5] JA: Absolutely. A visual that I like to share with people is imagine if I gave you, anybody who's listening right now, imagine I gave you four videos and broken down into maybe five-minute increments. It was Tiger Woods breaking down his golf swing and you got those videos today. He guided you step-by-step. There was a manual that went with each video with step-by-step instruction. There is videos. There are pictures. There is everything that you need in order to swing a golf club like Tiger Woods.

Just because you watched the videos and read the manuals two or three or four or five or six times, does not translate to you swinging the club like Tiger Woods. Now, let's say you want to take it one step further from being aware of how to hold your grip, how to swing back, how to make sure that it comes through like a pendulum, what exercises he does for stretching and for nutrition, whatever it is, you had all of it, it would take practice, right? Hours and hours and hours, if not hundreds or thousands of hours to take information, words, visuals, whatever it is, and to start the process of creating a pattern that would actually result in some behavior.

Let's use a simple example of – I'm going to give everybody another little visual. I like telling stories. Imagine right now that you're having coffee with a friend of yours, or you're at a bar having cocktail with a friend of yours and somebody taps you on the shoulder and goes, “Hey, my name is John Assaraf. I work with Steven Spielberg and Tom Hanks in Hollywood and we just finished writing this script. You look like somebody who this script was written for. You've got the height, the look. Let me ask you a question, if I gave you 10 million dollars to learn the script and I gave you the coaching required to get the voice right, the acting right, and we had a year or two, for you to get this script wired and I’m going to give you 10 million dollars to perform this script.”

Let's say you never even read the script, right? Like most Hollywood actors don't read a script before. They get the script and then they read it and they go, “Yeah, I like it.” Let's say you didn't read the script. I was going to give you 10 million dollars to play that role. What would you do to play that role? I imagine you'd read it 20, 30, 40, 50, a 100 times. I imagine you do research on the character. I would imagine you'd get coaching. You'd be filmed. You'd look at it. You'd practice it. You tweak it. You'd practice it some more, until you started to get comfortable with this role that's on a piece of paper.

With the right coaching and support and practicing and tweaking and drilling and practicing some more, it would go from conscious effort, right? Where you have to really work at it, as your familiarity with the role became more prep, or more associated with you, even though you're pretending this role, you would start to develop everything necessary to perform that role without the script in your hand and maybe even in front of a camera, or an audience. The more you practiced, the more you repeated, the more you got your emotions into it, the more you did it, the easier it would become over time.

Let's say you want to take a script called A New Belief. Let's say the new belief sets something like, “I'm so happy and grateful for the fact that I am now earning fill-in-the-blank, a $100,000, $500,000, a million dollars, and I’m becoming the person I've always dreamed of.” That's a lie right now for a lot of people. What if you took that lie, that script and what if every day you read it on your mirror? Then as you read it on your mirror, you ran your fingers across it and then you closed your eyes and felt it and pretend it initially that it was real and true.

What if you did that two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, 10 times a day, what if you recorded and listened to it on your way to work, or while you're working at home and then what if you created some visual images that you put on your dream board, or vision board, or on your computer screen, showing the things that you could do, showing the things that you could help with, the charities you get involved with, showing how you would feel, how would you dress, who would you help, and you created this entire story around that one affirmation, that one lie and then you ask yourself a question every day, “What could I do today? What's one thing that I could do today to move closer to that being real?”

Then you acted. You did it. You actually took action. I could read one paragraph a day of a really good book that's going to upgrade my skills, my self-esteem, my self-image. I'm going to learn how to manage my emotions better, so that I release my fears or self-doubts. I'm just going to take one action a day. What do you think will happen over a 100 days, 200 days, 300 days? Do you think you're going to get closer to that thing that is on a piece of paper on your computer screen being real if you treated it as a new story that you wanted to impress into your subconscious mind, so that it would then help you make that thing real?

Everything always starts as a fantasy. Every building, every car, every invention, every idea, right, starts off as fantasy. That then people make into facts. That is how the process of creation works between a thought, an idea, a desire, a goal that we choose consciously, or we use one of our faculties of mine called our imagination. Then by focusing on it relentlessly, thinking about it, focusing on it, feeling it and then behaving in ways that will move us towards it. We take a fantasy, or fiction, our fantasy and then we make it into a fact?

You can do that with beliefs. You can develop new habits that way. Emotions are slightly different, but emotions are just emotions. Emotions are like lights that pop up on your car dash. It's just a signal. Your feelings are conscious awareness of the neuro-chemicals that are flowing through your body. Emotions are just signals. You have emotions for happiness, for sadness, for shame, for disgust, for love. Those are just emotions. It just tells you, here's what's going on in the engine of your brain.

The ones that you like, keep moving towards them. The ones that are disempowering you, the ones that you don't like, it just doesn't feel right, change what's going on that's causing them to be triggered. This is the new era of personal development and the new Science to Success is your podcast is so beautifully named. This is the stuff that we're dealing. With we're dealing with understanding motivational circuits and fear circuits and self-esteem circuits and all the stuff that's happening that's causing us to take action or not.

[0:32:00.6] MB: Some truly great examples. The golf swing example is such a good way of breaking that down. Yet, in something that's less physically tangible, like personal development. It's so easy to fall into the trap of thinking, “Oh, I read that once, or I listen to that podcast and now I understand it.” Not doing all of that hard work and all the practice that's really necessary to actually make it happen.

[0:32:22.9] JA: Yeah. Let me share a story with you, if I may.

[0:32:25.7] MB: Please.

[0:32:27.1] JA: I won't even use me as an example. In 1987, I was 26-years-old. I bought RE/MAX Of Indiana and I had been learning about the human brain for probably about seven years from my mentors, and started reprogramming my mind at 19. Did well. I did $30,000 my first year in real estate, a 151,000 my second year, 250 some odd thousand in my third year and then I ended up buying RE/MAX Of Indiana, the franchising rights for RE/MAX Of Indiana.

Between 1987-1992, I opened up a bunch of real estate offices. In 1992, I did 1.2 billion dollars a year in sales and we were stuck. Now it was a good place to be stuck, but I knew that there was potential to do more. No matter how many books, coaches, speakers, events, contests I did, we were stuck at about a 100 million a month in sales. I said, “What the hell is going on? I'm giving these agents so many tools. So much, like nobody does what I'm doing.”

Then it dawned on me that it wasn't more tools that they needed. They didn't need to learn more closing techniques, or more listing techniques. They didn't need to learn how to make more money. I said, “We have a totally different problem.” We have people's financial set points that are stuck. We people that were making $35,000 a year, $50,000, $75,000, a $100,000. A few you made $200,000, $250,000 a year back then. We were stuck.

I said, “Okay, let me do a little test.” I got 75 of my agents who wanted to pay. At the time was about $2,500 to work with me for six months on reprogramming their subconscious mind. We put them through a process of doing this. They had to commit to about 15 minutes a day of what I call Innercises today. Those 75 agents in six months in 1992 increased our sales by 100 million dollars. A 100 million dollars in six months. They increased their income by about $30,000 each.

At the time, the average agent in my company was making about $40,000 a year. That's the average. Four years later, by – actually, by 1997, excuse me, about five years later, we hit four and a half billion dollars and the average person in my company was making $128,000 in commission. The only thing that we did was help people refocus on their subconscious mind and recalibrate their set points.

We taught them how to manage their emotions better. We taught them how to eliminate their limiting beliefs. We taught them how to augment their self-esteem and self-worth, so that the behaviors came automatically to match what was happening in their subconscious mind.

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[0:36:42.8] MB: I want to dig into some of these specific exercises. Before we do that, tell me what you would say to somebody who's listening who says, “Wow, that sounds great, but it sounds really hard. I don't have, or I don't want to spend hundreds of hours practicing this stuff.”

[0:36:58.3] JA: Okay. I would say, okay. The same thing I’d tell somebody who says, “You know what? I want to lose 25 pounds, but I don't want to do the work.” I say, okay. I'll share another story with you. I'm 19-years-old. I have got myself into a lot of trouble with the law. I left high school grade 11, started working for a computer company for Philips Electronics, a subsidiary of Philips Electronics for about $2.65, for $2.50 an hour working in the shipping department. Hated it. I was selling drugs on the side.

My life was going nowhere. I was still living in my parents’ house. Police were there, oh, probably every 90 days or so, because I was getting to some trouble or another. My brother Mark, who was living in Toronto, about 350 miles away from Montreal, invited me to come down to his house for a weekend to see if maybe he can shake me up a bit and help me. He said he's arranged for a lunch with a man by the name of Alan Brown, who at the time was in his 40s, making millions of dollars a year in real estate and in investments, family man, philanthropist, traveler, private jet, the works.

We had lunch with Alan Brown and he heard my story. Probably about, I don't know, 40 minutes into the story he said, “What are your goals?” I said, “Well, what do you mean?” “What are your goals?” I said, “Well, I want to make enough money to get an apartment, to get my own car and move out of my parents’ house.” It was, “Okay, that's your short-term easy goals. What are your big goals?” I said to him, “I don't have any big goals. That’s the extent of it.” He says, “Come on. I want you to dream. I want you to really dream and see what is it that you want.”

He gave me these goal-setting documents, probably about 15 pages. He said, “Okay, how much income do you want to earn in the next 12 months? 3 years? 5 years? 20 years? 25 years? What do you want your net worth to be? Where do you want to travel? What home do you want to have? What car do you want? What do you want your health to be like? How much money do you want to give to charities? Is there anything you want to do in the world that'll make it different? Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah?”

I filled out these 15 pages. Came back to him, while he and my brother continued lunch. Then he started reading and said, “Good job. You've got some really great ideas in here. Where did you get those?” I said, “Well, partially from my imagination and partly from that show called Lifestyles of The Rich and Famous with Robin Leach.” He says, “Yeah, I watch that show. It’s a great show.” He said to me, he says, “Listen, I can help you achieve every one of those goals. They're actually pretty easy.” I said, “What do you mean it’s pretty easy? I want to have 3 million dollars by the time I'm 45-years-old.” He says, “You think that's easy?” He goes, “Well, it is if you know how to do.” He said, “But you're 19-years-old. You don't know how to do it.” He says, “I make that some months.”

I'm like, “What? You make 3 million dollars a month?” He goes, “Yeah. Sometimes more. Sometimes less, but easily 3 million dollars a month.” I said to him, “Well, yeah. I’d love to learn how to do that.” He says, “Well, I may be interested in mentoring you if you answer this question correctly.” I’m like, “Yeah, okay. Sure. What’s the question?” He says, “These goals that you wrote down on your piece of paper,” he said, “Are you interested in achieving them, or are you committed?” I said, “What? What do you mean, am I interested or am I committed? What’s the difference, Mr. Brown?” He says, “If you’re interested, you’ll do what’s convenient and easy.”

He says, “If you’re interested, you’ll come up with stories and excuses as reasons why you can’t, or why you won’t. If you’re interested, you won’t do what it takes. You’ll allow you stories and your circumstance to control you.” He said, “If you’re committed, you will do whatever it takes. You will upgrade your knowledge, you will upgrade your skills, you will upgrade who you are as a human being to one that can achieve this.”

Then he quoted Jim Rohn’s famous quote. He says, “If you're just interested, you're not going to amount to much. If you are committed, you will.” He said, “You're either going to pay the price of discipline in life, or are you going to pay the price of regret?” He says, “Discipline weighs ounces, regret weighs tons.” I looked at him. I said, “Wow, holy mackerel. This is deep stuff and it's good.” I'm like, “Mr. Brown. I am committed.” He says, “Great. Then the first thing I’m going to ask you to do is go home and you're moving to Toronto from Montreal.”

I said, “Well, how am I going to move from Montreal to Toronto? I don't have any money. I don't have an apartment here.” He says, “Well, are you interested, or are you committed?” I said, “Well, I guess I'm committed.” My brother said I could move in with him. I'd even have a car. He says, “The next day I need you to do is I need you to enroll in the real estate school.” I said, “Real estate school? I fucking hate school. I don't have any money to get into real estate school.” He says, “Well, I don't care if you hate it or you don't. It really makes no difference whether you have the money or you don't. Figure it out.”

I went to Montreal, told my parents I’m moving out of the house. I’m going to live with my brother. I had a credit card that I was able to put the $500 on. This was May 5th, 1980. On June 20th, 1980 I graduated with a real estate license after five weeks of going to school for 40 hours a week. The reason I remember these dates so well, Matt, the real estate license that I got and the test I passed was the first test I didn't cheat on in probably three years. I remember those dates, because it’s the first time I was proud in many, many, many, many years.

Then Mr. Brown took me under his wing and then he taught me how to sell real estate and how to buy real estate and how to achieve every one of my goals and then some, because I said I was committed, not interested. In a roundabout way, when somebody says, “I don't want to invest a 100 hours.” Great, competition’s pretty fierce in the bottom. It's not up at the top.

[0:42:36.0] MB: Yeah, that's a pretty powerful story and a great way to weigh-in on that question and something that I want to reiterate a version of that story when people ask me for advice sometimes. I want to come back and talk about a couple of the specific Innercises, because I think there's some that are really great, really actionable, simple. Tell me about one or two that you think are great starters, or things that people can begin with right away.

[0:43:01.9] JA: The first, there are two Innercises that I teach people. When people buy the book, I've got eight brain training audios that I give them for free with a couple hundred bucks to guide them through this. Innercise number one, that is probably one of the most powerful things you can learn that everybody knows, but they don't do, is called take six, calm the circuits.

Let's say you're feeling anxious, stressed, overwhelmed, fearful, uncertain, let's say it's just not working and you're feeling just a little bit off. Take six, calm the circuits is all about recalibrating your brain so you have hemispherical coherence, right? Just getting both hemispheres to work, but most importantly it's to deactivate the stress center in the brain. When we are in a state of self-doubt, or fear, or anxiety, or any type of stress, if you just stop for 90 seconds, and really, it only takes 60 to 90 seconds. You took six deep breaths in through your nose in a calm, rhythmic fashion. Then as you breathe out through your mouth, I want you to pucker your lips and breathe out like you're blowing out gently through a straw.

Let's say it takes you 4 or 5 seconds to breathe in. I want you to take 5 to 8 seconds to breathe out. Now why is take six, calm the circuits work? Well number one, there's something called the sympathetic nervous system. When we are stressed, anxious, fearful, doubtful and we’re just having this feeling, or this emotion that's just like, “I'm a little bit angst.” By taking these six deep breaths in this fashion, you actually deactivate the stress response center in the brain, you activate the vagus nerve, which is part of the parasympathetic nervous system.

When we're in a stressed state, we're usually in a reactive state, automatic reactive state. Now we're just repeating cycles over and over and over again, how we learned how to deal with the fear or the stress in the past. We go to an automatic reactive state. By taking six deep breaths in through the nose, out through the mouth, you’re blowing out through a straw, you deactivate the stress response, or a fear response circuit in the brain. What that does is it reactivates your genius part of the brain called the left prefrontal cortex, which is the part of your brain that can actually then think, “How do I need to respond to this, instead of react to it?”

When you take six deep breaths, you actually take your foot off the brakes and now you can put your foot back on the gas, but you don't want to do it just yet. 6 deep breaths into your nose, out through the mouth is take six, calm the circuits first. Get the baseline ready first, preparation.

Then Innercise number two is called AIA, A-I-A. AIA is part of a mindfulness practice of awareness, right? Awareness is what gives us choice, choice is what gives you freedom, not knowledge or skill. The choice is what gives you freedom. In Innercise number two, you practice becoming aware. Aware of what? If I was just fearful, or anxious, or I'm procrastinating and I just don't have this good feeling inside of me, calm the circuit first, so you deactivate the stress response, which is chances are has been throwing off cortisol and epinephrine into your blood and that's what is the feeling you don't like.

AIA is awareness of thoughts, emotions, feelings, sensations and the behavior that you've just been engaged in the last two, three, four, five minutes. Thoughts, emotions, feelings, sensations and behaviors. You do this in pure awareness and calmness, so that you can see and feel what caused this to be triggered. What are your thoughts, emotions, feelings, behaviors and sensations? You have to do this in a state of no judgement, no shame, no blame, or guilt. No judgment, no shame, no blame or guilt, just pure awareness.

See, when you become aware of the thoughts, emotions, feelings, sensations and behaviors, now you are empowered to change it. Now you move from it being a reactive state, based on what's been happening in the subconscious mind, and now you are able to go to the I in AIA. What's your intention right now? Well, my intention is to be positive. My intention is to be calm. My intention is to be focused. My intention is to be on purpose. My intention is to take action. Great. Then we go to the last A in AIA. We go what's one action you can take right now to make that a reality?

What have we just done here? We've increased awareness, we've deactivated the stress response, or the stress reactive state that our emotions, or our subconscious is activated for whatever reason, and now we have deliberately chosen the intention and the action that we want to take that'll move us towards the goal.

Now you can only do this in a calm, responsive state. In a reactive state, you're really losing your conscious ability to do this. This is how you start to work with your conscious brain better and your subconscious mind. This is how you interrupt the disempowering, or destructive patterns and you start to create new patterns. Does it take a little bit of work? Of course, at first it does, but then it takes no work, because you can make this a powerful pattern that does it automatically.

I'll give you an example. Here's a little tip everyone; every hour on my mobile phone and iPad and computer, I've got a bell that goes off, every hour, top of the hour. Ding, guess what I do? Take six and then I do AIA. Why do I do that? Because I want to teach my subconscious mind that on the hour, every hour, just check in and make sure that you are being deliberate, you're focused, your attention is on what it needs to be, you're focusing on highly productive and critical things, versus trivial, many things that are there.

Once you do that over the course of 30, 60, 90 days, your subconscious mind will do it automatically and it'll actually tell you, “Hey, you're being a little negative right now. Hey, these emotions that are percolating up right now, just release them quickly.” That's the level of mastery. That's the Tiger Woods level of mental and emotional control.

[0:49:54.4] MB: Amazing. Very practical exercises. For listeners who want to concretely implement some of the themes and ideas that we've talked about today, what would be one action step, or a piece of homework that you would give them to begin putting these ideas into practice?

[0:50:09.9] JA: Great. I love practicality. Something that I learned many, many, many years ago and it's now I call it cognitive priming. What's cognitive priming? Well, cognitive priming is priming your brain. I have something called my exceptional life blueprint, not taking the time to figure out what I want for every area of my life. Then in order for all the things in my life to become a reality, I wrote my life story, right?

I always start my life story with I'm so happy and grateful for the fact that. Then I write out for the fact that I'm traveling on my private jet all around the world, with my wife and children, that we're giving away hundreds of millions of dollars to charities and that we’re making a difference in the world by, and that I'm able to do this and have that and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. It's a story. It's a story that at the time that I write it, it's the future story that I want.

I have my goals. I have my new story. I have the images in my exceptional life blueprint of the representations of the story. Then here's what we do, once you do that, and you can start off small, take one goal, one little story around that goal every day, every day, Saturdays, Sundays included, traveling, it doesn’t make a difference where I am on vacation, every day, after I wake up and I do my gratitude exercise, I pull out my exceptional life blueprint and I prime my brain with the images, the story and the goals every single day.

I just may say to my brain, “Hey, brain –” See, I'm not my brain and either as anybody who's listening right now. You have a brain, but you can direct your brain, it's an organism that you can control, just like you can have better control of your heartbeat, your autonomic nervous system, you can control your brain better. I say to my brain, “Hey, beautiful brain. I want you to make all of this stuff real. Bring forth all the thoughts, emotions, people, feelings, behaviors, knowledge and skills so that I can make this my reality.” Every day for a few minutes, I read it, I run my fingers across it, I visualize it, I emotionalize it and then I expect it to happen.

[0:52:37.1] MB: For listeners who want to find out more about you, your work and all the resources you've talked about today, what is the best place for them to find you online?

[0:52:45.1] JA: All right, so I'm on Instagram @JohnAssaraf. I'm on Facebook as well on my Facebook fan page. If anybody wants to take a look at my website, so old right now; I haven’t updated, but johnassaraf.com. If they want to take a look at my new book, that's all around Innercise. I think it's got 92% five-star ratings on Amazon now. It's a best-seller already. It's called Innercise: The New Science to Unlock Your Brain’s Hidden Power. You can get it on Amazon, but then go to ignitemybrain.com to get all the bonuses that come with just an $11 purchase of the book. If you want to buy more than one book to give away, then you get more gifts, so ignitemybrain.com.

[0:53:23.2] MB: Well John, thank you so much for coming on the show, for sharing all this wisdom, all these insights, strategies, stories, etc., with the listeners.

[0:53:30.5] JA: Thank you so much. What a joy and thanks for doing your homework and for being such a great host.

[0:53:35.4] MB: Thank you so much for listening to the Science of Success. We created this show to help you our listeners, master evidence-based growth. I love hearing from listeners. If you want to reach out, share your story, or just say hi, shoot me an e-mail. My e-mail is matt@successpodcast.com. That’s M-A-T-T@successpodcast.com. I’d love to hear from you and I read and respond to every single listener e-mail.

I'm going to give you three reasons why you should sign up for our e-mail list today by going to successpodcast.com, signing up right on the homepage. There are some incredible stuff that’s only available to those on the e-mail list, so be sure to sign up, including an exclusive, curated weekly e-mail from us called Mindset Monday, which is short, simple, filled with articles, stories, things that we found interesting and fascinating in the world of evidence-based growth in the last week.

Next, you're going to get an exclusive chance to shape the show, including voting on guests, submitting your own personal questions that we’ll ask guests on air and much more. Lastly, you’re going to get a free guide we created based on listener demand, our most popular guide, which is called how to organize and remember everything. You can get it completely for free along with another surprise bonus guide by signing up and joining the e-mail list today. Again, you can do that at successpodcast.com, sign up right at the homepage, or if you're on the go, just text the word “smarter”, S-M-A-R-T-E-R to the number 44-222.

Remember, the greatest compliment you can give us is a referral to a friend either live or online. If you enjoyed this episode, please leave us an awesome review and subscribe on iTunes because that helps boost the algorithm that helps us move up the iTunes rankings and helps more people discover the Science of Success.

Don't forget, if you want to get all the incredible information we talked about in the show, links transcripts, everything we discussed and much more, be sure to check out our show notes. You can get those at successpodcast.com, just hit the show notes button right at the top.

Thanks again, and we'll see you on the next episode of the Science of Success.

June 20, 2019 /Lace Gilger
Focus & Productivity
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Your Modern Lifestyle Is Nice, But It Might Be Killing You with Mark Manson

June 13, 2019 by Lace Gilger in Focus & Productivity

This episode contains profanity*

In this episode we discuss improving your “mental nutrition.” Decades ago we realized that our society had started eroding our physical health, with desk jobs and fast food, and we became conscious of the need for fitness and nutrition. Now, we stand at the precipice of an even bigger struggle - we are healthier and happier than ever before and yet anxiety, suicide, and depression are on the rise. How do we improve our mental fitness and take action to challenge our irrationality, our impulsiveness, and our bad habits? Do you want to finally move past inaction, procrastination, and laziness? Do you want to feel happier about the world? Listen to this interview with our returning guest Mark Manson. 

Mark Manson is the New York Times and international bestselling author of The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck and his new already bestselling book Everything Is Fucked. His blog, markmanson.net, attracts more than two million readers per month. He is also the CEO and founder of Infinity Squared Media LLC

  • The world today is so polarized, mental health issues are on the rise, and yet we are physically safer and healthier than ever before. 

  • Do you need some kind of vision, some kind of hope, that the future will be better than today?

  • The better things get, the more anxious humans become about losing them 

  • The “uncomfortable truth” of our own mortality and the reality of the astounding insignificance of human existence on a cosmic scale

  • Our world is filled with “hope narratives” that help us hide from the reality that on a cosmic scale we are truly insignificant 

  • How do you deal with life if you achieve all your goals early on?

  • What happens when your hope narrative dies? 

  • The only defense against our own cosmic insignificance is creating meaning for ourselves 

  • In the fact of this cosmic backdrop, How do we start to building up meaning for ourselves? 

    • We need a sense of control 

    • We need to value something

    • We need to have a group or community who shares our values

  • Our values and emotions aren’t tethered to our rational thoughts. 

  • The thinking brain vs the feeling brain. 

  • All the issues around purpose, discipline, control and importance are EMOTIONAL issues, not intellectual issues. 

  • The first step to create value and meaning in your life is to develop an action oriented bias. 

  • Your emotions are feedback to your experience

  • Intellectual understanding is like drawing a map, but you have to actually DRIVE THE CAR 

  • Weight loss is a perfect example - its not a question or more information, its a question of the EMOTIONAL BARRIERS to taking action and getting yourself to a place to where you feel like doing it.

  • Reading more books is not doing something, learning is not doing something. 

  • How to solve inaction, procrastination, laziness, over intellectualization 

    • They are all EMOTIONAL PROBLEMS not knowledge problems

  • Humans are largely irrational creatures. Most of our actions are impulsive, selfish, and not well thought through, and our conscious mind spends a huge chunk of it’s time and energy coming up with reasons - rationalizations - to explain and justify what the unconscious mind wants to do. 

  • You probably think that all your actions are rational and justified - but have you ever really thought about and looked into the narratives and stories you use to explain away bad habits and behaviors in your life?

  • How do you merge the thinking and feeling brain - how do you get them aligned?

    • The first goal of the thinking brain is to recognize the emotions that arise from the feeling brain - acknowledge and accept them

  • Emotional intelligence is the core of understanding the dialogue between your conscious thoughts and your emotional reactions to your thoughts 

  • You must learn to barter with your feeling brain, keep lowering the stakes until your feeling brain is willing to get on board with what your thinking brain wants to do 

  • Why is our society, and why are people, so fragile today, and how can we toughen up?

  • Our society is going through a similar transition that it went through in the 1950s and 1960s when we realized we couldn’t eat fast food all the time and needed to start working out - we must also develop our mental and emotional health - we are just starting to understand that on a social level 

  • What if we stopped giving people what they wanted? If you give people too much of what they want they become infantile and immature and society starts to break down. 

  • Technology today is designed and geared to take advantage and exploit our psychological flaws -what if we had technology that did the opposite, that corrected our cognitive biases? 

  • The constant “impulse fulfillment” of technology and social media makes you a worse thinker and worsens your cognitive biases

  • Information diet & mental nutrition - you must take responsibility for your own mental consumption habits, your own mental habits, you must read things that challenge you, consider that your ideas may be wrong

  • You have to get engaged on a local and individual level - solve problems within your realm and within your reach 

  • Homework: Unfollow or unfriend at least half of the people you follow or friend, including news and media sources 

  • Homework: In terms of personal habits think about your goals in terms of thinking brain vs feeling brain - you must find a way to work with your emotions instead of against them. Strike a bargain with your feeling brain. 

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Please SUBSCRIBE and LEAVE US A REVIEW on iTunes! (Click here for instructions on how to do that).

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This week's episode of The Science of Success is presented by Dr. Aziz Gazipura's Confidence University!

You can learn to confidently connect with others, be bold, feel proud of who you are, and create the life you truly deserve!

What Would Your Life Look Like If You Have Double The Confidence?

Don't Wait and Wonder! Find Out Today!

Want To Dig In More?! - Here’s The Show Notes, Links, & Research

General

  • Mark’s Website

  • Mark’s courses

  • Mark’s LinkedIn and Twitter

Media

  • [Article] The “Do Something” Principle by Mark Manson

  • [Article] Medium - “The Biggest Threat Humans Face in 2018” by Matt Bodnar

  • [Wiki Page] Mark Manson

  • [Article Directory] Huff Post, Medium, Quartz, The Good Men Project,  and Thought Catalog

  • [Article] Nomadic Matt - EVERYTHING IS F*CKED: REFLECTIONS ON HOPE AND TRAVEL WITH MARK MANSON

  • [Article] CBC Radio - “Hope can be a double-edged sword when life feels 'meaningless,' says author Mark Manson” by Émilie Quesnel

  • [Article] Upworthy - “How I found my life's passion by asking myself these ridiculous questions.” by Mark Manson

  • [Article] Daily Stoic - “Everything Is F*cked: An Interview About Hope With Mark Manson”

  • [Article] New York Post - “Inside the latest book by bestselling ‘F**ked’ author Mark Manson” By Mackenzie Dawson

  • [Article] Philly Voice - “Will Smith announces book project with self-help author Mark Manson” By Marielle Mondon

  • [Article] TIME - “10 Life Lessons to Excel in Your 30s” by Mark Manson

  • [Article] Art of Charm - 10 Counterintuitive Approaches to Self-Improvement with Mark Manson

  • [Article] The Psychology Podcast - Hope is F*cked with Mark Manson

  • [Podcast] Elite Man Magazine - Everything Is F*cked: How To Have More Hope And Happiness In A Chaotic World – Mark Manson (Ep. 222)

  • [Podcast] Art of Charm - Mark Manson | A Counterintuitive Approach (Episode 547)

  • [Podcast] Lewis Howes - EP. 793 - THE SUBTLE ART OF NOT GIVING UP.

  • [Podcast] Jordan Harbinger - 198: Mark Manson | Channeling Hope, Choosing Problems, and Changing Values

  • [Podcast] Ultimate Health Podcast - 293: Mark Manson – We All Need Hope • Meditation Makes You Stronger • Happiness Is Overrated

Videos

  • Mark’s Youtube Channel

  • The Rise And Fall of Ken Wilber

  • Book Trailer - Mark Manson on Everything is F*cked: A Book about Hope

  • Daily Motivation - *WARNING* This SPEECH Will Make You RETHINK YOUR ENTIRE LIFE (life changer!)

  • Marie Forleo - Mark Manson: Here’s How to Stop Caring About Things That Don’t Matter

  • Tom Bilyeu - Your Concept Of Who You Are Is F*cking You Up | Mark Manson on Impact Theory

  • Motivation Grid - Mark Manson - You Will Wish You Watched This Before You Started Watching Self-Help Videos

  • MedSchool Insiders - The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F**k - Summary and Application [Part 1/2]

    • The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F**k - Summary and Application [Part 2/2]

  • Business Insider - How To Stop Procrastinating And Finally Get Work Done

Books

  • Everything Is F*cked: A Book About Hope  by Mark Manson

  • The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck: A Counterintuitive Approach to Living a Good Life  by Mark Manson

  • Models: Attract Women Through Honesty  by Mark Manson

  • [Book Review] Models Review by Dan Silvestre

  • [Book Summary] James Clear - The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck by Mark Manson

Episode Transcript

[00:00:04.4] ANNOUNCER: Welcome to The Science of Success. Introducing your host, Matt Bodnar.

[0:00:11.8] MB: Welcome to the Science of Success; the number one evidence-based growth podcast on the Internet with more than three million downloads and listeners in over a hundred countries.

In this episode, we discuss improving your mental nutrition. Decades ago, we realized that our society had started eroding our physical health with desk jobs and fast food and we became conscious of the need for fitness and nutrition.

Now, we stand at the precipice of an even bigger struggle. We are healthier and happier than ever before and yet, anxiety, suicide and depression are on the rise. How do we improve our mental fitness and take action to challenge our irrationality, our impulsiveness and our bad habits? Do you want to finally move past inaction, procrastination and laziness? Do you want to feel happier about the world? Then listen to this interview with our returning guest, Mark Manson

I’m going to tell you why you’ve been missing out on some incredibly cool stuff if you haven’t signed up for our e-mail list yet. All you have to do to sign up is to go to successpodcast.com and sign up right on the home page.

On top of tons subscriber-only content, exclusive access and live Q&As with previous guests, monthly giveaways and much more, I also created an epic, free video course just for you. It's called How to Create Time for What Matters Most Even When You're Really Busy. E-mail subscribers have been raving about this guide.

You can get all of that and much more by going to successpodcast.com and signing up right on the home page, or by texting the word “smarter” to the number 44-222 on your phone. If you like what I do on Science of Success, my e-mail list is the number one way to engage with me and go deeper on what I discuss on the show, including free guides, actionable takeaways, exclusive content and much, much more.

Sign up for my e-mail list today by going to successpodcast.com and signing up right on the home page, or if you're on the go, if you're on your phone right now, it's even easier. Just text the word “smarter”, that's S-M-A-R-T-E-R to the number 44-222. I can't wait to show you all the exciting things you'll get when you sign up and join the e-mail list.

In our previous episode, we discussed the truth about championship performance. Nobody becomes a champion by accident. We uncovered the counterintuitive reality that being a champion isn't about doing more, it's about doing less. We exposed the reality that most people spend too much time planning and not enough time acting, and share the specific habits and routines that you can use to model your behavior after champions with our previous guest, Dana Cavalea. If you want a behind-the-scenes look at world championship performance, listen to our previous episode.

Now for our interview with Mark. Please note, this episode contains profanity.

[0:03:31.9] MB: Today, we have another exciting guest back on the show, Mark Manson. Mark is the New York Times and international best-selling author of The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck, his new already best-selling book, Everything is F*cked. His blog, markmanson.net attracts more than 2 million readers a month. He's also the CEO and founder of Infinity Squared Media. Mark, welcome back to the Science of Success.

[0:03:57.0] MM: It's good to be back, man. Thanks for having me.

[0:03:59.7] MB: Yeah. Well, we're super excited to have you back on the show and really enjoyed some of the themes and ideas from the latest book. I want to dig into those. To start out, I'm curious, what inspired or drove you to dig into this new topic, or to write Everything is F*cked?

[0:04:16.8] MM: Well, there were two inspirations; one was, I guess you call it cultural and then one was more personal. The cultural inspiration, I think regardless of what country you live in, or where you are on the political spectrum, things have gotten very ugly in the last few years in most Western countries. There's a lot of polarization, people are very upset. We're starting to see a rise in mental health issues and we're seeing a rise of them in some of the most comfortable and safest parts of the world.

That just freaked me out. I was very curious about what was going on. I started doing a lot of research around that. The personal inspiration was Subtle Art became a massive success. I think, I came on your show a week or two after it came out.

[0:05:08.4] MB: We like to take credit for that, by the way.

[0:05:12.5] MM: It was all your podcast. I pushed the first 20, 30,000 copies and you guys pushed the next 5 million, so I really appreciate that. That book just became this insane – it's like Avengers level success in the publishing world. It sold over 6 million copies at this point.

It actually messed with me. It was amazing for a couple months and it took the wife to Paris and took a nice vacation and played a bunch of video games. After about three or four months of that, this existential crisis set in of, “Oh, shit. I accomplished all my goals. All my dreams came true and I don't know what to do with myself.” Essentially, I don't know what to hope for. That left me in a very strange, very strange mild depression and that, everything in my life was amazing and everybody's high-fiving me and congratulating me. I'm just wandering around from day-to-day not knowing what the point of doing anything else is.

I found that very strange. It was a very unexpected experience for me. I've since learned that it's not uncommon for people who experience a high amount of success very quickly. I got very curious about what was going on. What was it, when I looked back in other parts of my life where I felt depressed, it made sense. I was an angry 18-year-old and felt like I had no control over my own life. Here I was, 32, and everything I ever wanted happened and I was feeling the same way.

Eventually, I zeroed in on this concept of hope of needing something to hope for, needing some vision that the future is going to be better than today, to help you continue to get up and moving in the morning and feeling your life has a sense of purpose. Then I took that and I saw how it overlapped with this more cultural stuff that I was researching of how suicide rates are the highest in the wealthiest and safest neighborhoods. It's the most developed countries that you see people struggling the most with mental health issues. Those two threads came together and that was the start of this next book.

[0:07:44.8] MB: It's so interesting, because you're experienced in many ways, mirrors that of people like astronauts, etc., that go to the stars and then they come back to earth and they're like, “What do I do now?” I think you're focused on what I consider and in many ways is a theme that we talk so much about on the show, which I think is one of the biggest problems of our time, this idea that – and it's something that perplexes me, which I'm so glad that you wrote about it and had such great insights around it, because it's something I find so fascinating that we're physically healthier, safer than we've ever been in the history of the human species. Yet, people think the world is ending and depression is on the rise and mental health issues continue to pop up. It's such a fascinating problem.

[0:08:31.5] MM: Yeah, it's a bit of a paradox. It's almost like the better things get, the more we have to lose and the more anxious we become about losing it. We're not a very grateful species. We're actually the opposite. We're like, “This is amazing. Oh, crap. What if it's taken away and then we all start freaking out?”

[0:08:54.1] MB: Yeah, exactly. There's some interesting psychology research around that as well. You open the book with this concept that I thought, which dovetails into this, but I thought was a really interesting notion and underpins a lot of the themes we've already started to talk about. Tell me about this idea of as you call it, the uncomfortable truth.

[0:09:16.0] MM: The uncomfortable truth is essentially the realization of our own mortality and our own cosmic insignificance. Once you start understanding the scale and the scope of the universe and everything, it quickly makes all of those little things that you worry about, or think are important in your day-to-day life seem pretty insignificant.

I think anybody who's gone through a very dark period and their life has struggled with this realization, that everything seems a little bit futile. I ended Subtle Art talking about – the last chapter of Subtle Art was about confronting your own mortality and why that's important, because it helps you get clearer about your own values. I picked up where the last book left off and started this book with that same look at mortality and our own insignificance and owning up to that and recognizing that hey look, if we're going to find any meaning, or importance, or sense of hope in this life, it's because we have to create it for ourselves. We have to find something that we choose to believe is worthy of dedicating our lives to. That's a huge responsibility.

[0:10:35.8] MB: That's a great point. I think many people in the book obviously discusses this theme, really gets scared in the face of that immense weight and responsibility.

[0:10:49.3] MM: Yeah, it's hard. It's stressful. I don't think most people think of it that way. I think most people, they get carried by the narratives that are pushed on them, or what they grew up believing, or what their parents taught them, or whatever. I think at some point, it's healthy to understand that these narratives – I call them hope narratives. These hope narratives are essentially, you're buying into them. You're choosing to believe that getting that job is going to be important, or that your kids going to that school is going to be important and make their lives better. These are all very much beliefs taking on faith.

That's fine. We all have to do that, but it's important to recognize that we're choosing to do that. It's in our head. There's not some universal law that's getting a raise next month is going to make everything better.

[0:11:45.3] MB: In essence, these hope narratives help us, or allow us to hide from this reality of where humans, or where any particular human stands on the cosmic scale of time and space and how insignificant we really are when you look at the expanse of the cosmos.

[0:12:04.7] MM: Yeah. I think we need these narratives to sustain ourselves. I think, part of the problem with what happened to me after Subtle Art blew up and became so successful is that my hope narrative died. I had this narrative in my head for most of my adult life of I want to become a best-selling author. I want to sell a bunch of books. I want to become very successful. If I do those things, everything is going to be great. That motivated me. That hope got me up every day for 10 years. Then suddenly, it happens and you realize like, “Oh, I'm still this fucked up dude who's living in a shitty world. Nothing's changed at all.” That hope narrative dies, and so I needed to find a new one. I needed to find something else to put my hopes in, to believe would make my life, or make the world a better place.

[0:13:07.7] MB: What happens when we don't own up to our cosmic insignificance?

[0:13:15.3] MM: I think if we don't own up to it, it's eventually going to knock us on our ass when we're not expecting it. I think it's important. It's funny, because some people, I've done some interviews where they've misinterpreted what I'm writing about is nihilism. My whole point is actually, the only defense against nihilism is recognizing that this cosmic insignificance exists. You need to keep it in the back of your mind and know the game that your psychology is playing, so that you'll be more prepared to defend against it.

I think it's the people who are constantly denying the uncomfortable truth and running away from the uncomfortable truth, that's when something happens in their life that just completely causes them to spin out.

[0:14:07.8] MB: In the face of that cosmic backdrop, how do we start to build up, or create meaning for ourselves?

[0:14:16.0] MM: Well, the first thing I talk about is there are three components that I talk about. The first one is that we need to have feels that we have a sense of control over our life, that we can control our actions and our destiny and actually get somewhere. The second one is we need to value something. We need to decide that something is worth getting to. Then the third component is we need to have a group, or a community of people who share our values and who can help us pursue whatever we find important.

All three of those things work together. If you're not really able to control your own actions, if you're not really in control of your own life, it doesn't matter what you value, because you're not going to feel you can get there. If you don't feel anything's important, or if you can't find something that feels valuable in your life, then it doesn't matter how much control you have. Then finally, if you can't find a group, or a tribe of people who share your values, you're just going to feel like a crazy loner and nobody wants that.

[0:15:22.2] MB: There's a lot of different ways I want to dig into this. Starting out, for people who struggle to find their own values, or find – can't figure out what they actually value in life, how do you approach that challenge?

[0:15:39.2] MM: Finding something to value is it's hard, because I don't think you can necessarily just intellectually find something. It's like, “Oh, well this is important. Now I care about this.” One thing I spend a lot of the early book talking about, or the first half of the book talking about is how are – I call them the thinking brain and the feeling brain, but essentially it's our values and emotions aren't necessarily tethered to our rational thoughts.

You can read a bunch of books about this cause, or why this is important, or why you should pursue that, but unless you feel as though those things are valuable and important in the world, there's a good chance you're not going to get off your ass and do anything. Essentially, all of these issues around purpose and discipline, control and importance, these are essentially – these are emotional issues. These are issues with experiencing and finding value in the world on an emotional level.

I think the first step for somebody who feels aimless and purposeless is to simply develop an action-oriented bias of just saying, “Fuck it. I'll try anything.” Start saying yes to everything. Start going out and giving anything a try, because until you actually get those experiences and then see how you emotionally react to each of those situations, you don't really know how you feel about them or how you value them.

[0:17:14.4] MB: That's a great piece of advice. It's funny, one of my all-time favorite articles that you've ever written and probably, one that I've shared with more people than any other piece of content you've created is the piece you wrote many years ago about the do something principle, and how having a bias towards action helps actually create motivation. People often think it's the reverse, that you need to be motivated to act, but really you should act to create your motivation.

[0:17:39.8] MM: Yeah, it's the action generates inspiration and motivation, not the other way around. Because really, our emotions are simply feedback to experience. If you're not experiencing anything, then you're not going to feel anything.

[0:17:52.9] MB: I think you make another great point, which is this idea that all of the issues around purpose, discipline, control, etc. are emotional challenges, not intellectual ones. Just by reading about it, or studying it, or conceptually grasping it, you're not necessarily going to solve the challenges without investigating it at a deeper level.

[0:18:19.7] MM: Yeah. I've got a fun metaphor that I used throughout the first half of the book, which is that your consciousness is a car. Let's say you want to lose weight, you can read as many books as you want about nutrition and working out and workout programs or whatever, but that intellectual understanding, you're essentially just driving, or you're drawing a map of how to get where you want. At the end of the day, it's your feeling brain that drives the car.

I know this, because I've gone through this myself many, many times. It's like, I know exactly what I should be doing at the gym, I know what I should be eating, I know what habits I should develop, and I sit on the couch and eat Doritos and watch Netflix. It's fundamentally, because I don't feel doing the things that I know I should be doing. Ultimately, to develop those habits and to develop that sense of self-discipline, or self-control, it's an emotional process. It's not just about learning what to do, it's learning how to get yourself to a place where you feel like doing it, where it becomes an exciting, or pleasurable, or rewarding thing for you, because until you do that, it's never going to develop into a habit. You can't brute force your way into new lifelong habits. It just doesn't work that way.

[0:19:53.4] MB: It's funny, because I think in the world of business and these deeper personal development topics, it's easy to lose sight of this topic. For me, weight loss has always been such a great, or healthy lifestyle, or whatever you want to call it, has always been such a great example of the crystal clear disconnect between knowledge and action or results, right? Because it's so easy to know intellectually what you need to do to be healthy, or to lose weight, or whatever and yet, actually achieving those results is almost never a question of lack of information. It's always a question of what are the emotional barriers and how do you overcome them?

[0:20:33.4] MM: Yeah. If you're particularly nerdy and intellectual, like I think we are and probably a lot of your listeners, you can even fall into the trap of thinking that reading more books is doing something. You actually trick yourself into feeling satisfied, because you've read seven books about nutrition. You're like, “Now I know everything and I'm nailing this. I'm totally kicking ass right now.” Meanwhile, you're not actually physically doing anything.

[0:21:07.6] MB: Yeah. I think there's totally a danger of that. I'd like to expand it out from weight loss, because it's such a simple crystal clear example, but it applies to anything; it applies to business, it applies to life, it applies to any theme or topic that's holding anybody back who's listening to this. It's probably not a question of lack of information or lack of knowledge that's really holding you back from the results, it's a question of emotion and motivation and digging into some of these deeper challenges.

[0:21:37.2] MM: Yeah. Yeah, I mean, you could – relationships, avoiding difficult topics and relationships with your boss. I even say this in the book, when I make this point in the book that essentially all of these problems; inaction, procrastination, over-intellectualization, laziness, these are all emotional problems. I say that sucks, because emotional problems are much more difficult to deal with. They're not easy to understand, or wrestle with. It takes a lot of self-awareness and practice to overcome them.

[0:22:15.6] MB: Coming back to and we've been talking about some of these themes already, but coming back to this idea of the thinking brain, versus the feeling brain. One of the other themes that resonated with me around the topic where the chapter of the book, where you really begin to human irrationality, was this notion of the illusion of self-control. Tell me a little bit more about that.

[0:22:36.8] MM: Most of us, what's fascinating when you dig into the search is that you find that we’re very irrational creatures. Most of our actions are impulsive, selfish, not nearly as thought through as we would like to believe they are. What's funny is that our thinking brain, or our conscious mind is basically spends most of its time coming up with reasons that justify what we just did.

I call the chapter Self Control is and Illusion, just to point out that at the end of the day, it's the feeling brain that's driving the car and we're never going to change that. The best we can do is simply work our thinking brain, be honest with our thinking brain and get it on the same page to help it influence the feeling brain to do the right things. Once we do that, that creates the illusion of self-control. When both of your brains, your thinking and your feeling brain agree on what should be done, that's when you feel you have control over your life.

It's hard to get there and it's not something people like hearing. We all are biased towards believing that all of our actions are rational and completely justified and true. Accepting that they're not, and then doing the hard work of questioning how you're justifying yourself and what those narratives and stories you're using to explain away bad habits or bad behaviors. It's an uncomfortable and painful thing, but it's only through that process that we create that sense that we're in control of our lives.

[0:24:25.9] MB: Tell me more about that process. How do we work through and merge, or align are thinking and feeling brains?

[0:24:35.5] MM: The way I talk about it is it's like, imagine two people stuck in a car together and they speak different languages. You have to find ways to translate for one another. A simple example that I use and we can, again the weight loss examples is so universal and simple. Let's say you want to – you know you should go to the gym and you're just not going. One of the tricks that you can do as a thinking brain is you can say like, “Well hey, feeling brain, we should we should go to the gym today.” When you say something like that to yourself, your feeling brain doesn't respond with an argument. Your feeling brain responds with a feeling. You feel lazy, you feel tired, you feel intimidated.

The thinking brain, the first goal for the thinking brain is to be able to recognize the emotions that arise and then respond to them with new narratives. You could say, “Okay, we're intimidated.” How about this? How about we just go and walk on the treadmill? Your feeling brain responds with like, “Hmm.” Okay, a little bit of relief, a little bit of a satisfaction, a little bit of anticipation. You say like, “Okay, cool. We made a deal. Let's just go walk on the treadmill.”

Then you get to the gym and you're walking on the treadmill and you're like, well hey, we're right here. We might as well – we could do some rows, or pick up a weight or whatever and your feeling brain, now that you're there and it's so much simpler and you're you've overcome that first barrier, your feeling brain is like, “Yeah, why not pick up a weight and do a little bit of workout.”

In this way, there's this dialogue that goes back and forth between your conscious thoughts and then your emotional reactions to those thoughts. I think, one way you could describe a lot of forms of therapy, whether it's CBT, or ACT, or one way you could describe emotional intelligence is getting very good at that dialogue, between your conscious thoughts and then your emotional reactions to those thoughts.

I say in the book that you essentially, as a thinking brain, you have to learn to barter with your feeling brain, some like haggler in a Moroccan bazaar. You just have to keep lowering the stakes, until your feeling brain is willing to get onboard. Then you go do the action and you experience the benefits. When I say benefits, that you experience the emotional benefits. You walk out of the gym you’re like, “Wow, I feel so good for doing that. I'm really glad I went.” That's your feeling brain getting onboard with the idea of going to the gym more often. It's this weird interplay that happens inside of all of us, but we're just not aware of it most of the time.

[0:27:25.7] MB: That's a great analogy and a really good way of looking at it, understanding the dialogue between those two. I love the idea of lowering the stakes, keep lowering the stakes until the feeling brain starts to get onboard with what the thinking brain wants to do.

[0:27:42.2] MM: Yeah, and it works for a lot of stuff. It's pretty amazing.

[0:27:46.8] MB: Yeah, I'm already – I'm thinking about that dialogue and it's even helping me re-contextualize a little bit the way that I think about when I don't feel like doing something, giving that mental model of the feeling brain and the thinking brain and how they interact can be a really powerful tool to help unpack that.

I want to transition and talk about another theme from the book that I think is really important, which is this notion of fragility and anti-fragility, and which harkens back to the topic we were talking about at the beginning of the conversation around why is our society today so fragile and what do we need to do to toughen up?

[0:28:31.9] MM: Yeah. One thing and it's funny, because we keep just going to the health and nutrition metaphors. One way I've been describing it, I mean, there's two chapters in the book that are dedicated to anti-fragility and how I think the ways in which I think our culture is becoming more fragile and less resilient. The simplest and quickest way to describe it is the same way, I think probably in the 1950s or 60s, life became sedentary. Everybody started working in offices and people left the farms. We quickly realized that if you sit around all day and just eat cupcakes, or whatever, your body starts falling apart.

We have this revolution that happened in the 1970s and 80s around health, nutrition, fitness. That's when people started going to gyms and bodybuilding became a thing and people started running. There was this awakening of okay, modern life does not provide our physical body the regular amount of stress and challenge that it needs to stay healthy, so we need to design things that we can do ourselves to do that for us.

I think what we're going through right now is a similar thing with our mental and emotional health. Our mind operates in a similar way as a muscle. If it is not regularly stressed and worked and challenged in a certain capacity, it becomes more fragile and weak and eventually, will just completely break down.

I think right now, we're living in the informational equivalent of a McDonald's culture of news and information. It's just tons of junk with very little nutritious value. I think the same way, you have to consciously break down your muscle to build it back up and make it stronger, we need to do the same things with our psychological health. We need to look for certain degrees of conflict, confrontation, opposing viewpoints, challenge our own beliefs, challenge our own impulses and desires, because I think what's happening today is just so much of this new technology is geared towards indulging every whim and desire that we have all the time, it's making us less and less, not even willing, it's making us less and less capable of coping with opposing viewpoints, or ideas, or messages that might challenge us.

[0:31:07.0] MB: That's another great analogy. I completely agree with that idea that the vast majority of the content and things like Twitter and Facebook and social media, the news, etc., it's all mental junk food basically. It's a perfect description to call it McDonald's. You're right, I think we're at the beginning of this early awakening that we really need to focus on our mental nutrition, for lack of a better term. We need to focus on our mental health and we need to be really consciously thinking about how can we develop the tools and the strategies. I think that's one of the reasons, obviously you're writing your books and one of the reasons we're doing the podcast is to start to help people understand these things a little bit better. It's such a such an important topic and something that so few people are really thinking about right now.

[0:31:59.2] MM: Yeah. It's hard, because I think there's this natural assumption, or impulse on our culture that it's, give people what they want. People want something faster and more convenient, give it to them. If people want to read articles that they agree with, give it to them. That's been the basis of our economy, I guess for the last 100 years. I think we're reaching a tipping point where it's like, if you give people too much of what they want, they just become infantile and immature and uncompromising towards others. You can't really have a functioning society when that's the case.

[0:32:40.7] MB: There's a couple different things I want to unpack from that. I want to get into, because you have a great discussion in the book around the differences between maturity and immaturity. Before we do, one of my and probably my favorite point from the entire book was the notion that you had, that instead of technology and things like social media capitalizing on our psychological flaws, what if there was an alternate reality, or we built a new world where technology and AI actually helped us recognize the flaws in our thinking, recognize our cognitive biases and steered us in the right direction, instead of becoming a positive feedback loop that just continues to make it worse and worse and worse and reinforce all of our biases and psychological flaws.

[0:33:28.2] MM: Yeah. That's one of the last points I make in the book is that I think, our technology has developed in a direction where it's taking advantage of our psychological weaknesses, which makes sense. I mean, in terms of making a profit, that's where the easy money is. It's easy to get people to click on stuff that pisses them off. It's easy to show salacious headlines, or pictures, or get people addicted to certain apps or games. That doesn't mean it's good though.

I think one of the things that I think is important going into the next couple decades is that we start developing technology that helps us compensate for our psychological weaknesses, because we're definitely going to have the technology. There could easily be plug-ins that are able to check and verify how reliable a certain website is, or how fact-check articles in real-time, or fact check Facebook posts in real-time. We're not far away from that. The problem right now is just that that's probably not a profitable thing to develop, but our society and our culture needs that.

[0:34:44.6] MB: It's funny. Literally yesterday, I popped onto Facebook, which I hate doing, but someone was trying to communicate with me via Facebook message. I saw a post from a friend of mine and he posted this chart and it was something basically out of Factfulness by Hans Rosling, that was all these – the child poverty going down and early childhood education and all this stuff going up. Basically, all the stats about how the world is so much safer and better than people could possibly imagine.

There was there was a comment on there that was like, “I don't believe any of these stats. What are your sources?” I literally screenshot at it and just sent him the screenshot and I was like, “Definition of a cognitive bias.”

[0:35:24.1] MM: Dude, it's crazy. There's something about and I talked about this towards the end of my book, there's something about the convenience and the constant, I guess wish fulfillment, or impulse fulfillment of the technology that it's making people – it's removing the stakes of having crazy beliefs. One of the things I mentioned in my references is that the Flat Earth Society has grown. Their membership has grown over a 1000% the last couple of years. These are people who believe the earth is flat. They have access to all of the wisdom and knowledge of the entire human civilization on the internet, yet they choose to get on and talk about how the earth is flat.

It’s way beyond any point of factual argument. We're in the realm of psychology. We're in the realm of feeling brains running amuck, of believing whatever they want because there are no consequences to believing crazy things. I think the side effect of all the great things that the internet has done and social media has done that one of the pernicious side effects is that it is enabled that. It is enabled the ability for people to believe whatever the hell they want without any consequences. As soon as you do that, the maturity of people dropped and the ability to function as a democracy, or a modern society drops as well.

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[0:38:21.8] MB: I want to dig into the solution to that, or how do we pull Mac from this precipice. Before we do, you touched again on this notion of maturity. In the book, you have a great discussion of what you call immaturity versus maturity. How do you think about those concepts and how do they apply to this dynamic?

[0:38:40.5] MM: It's interesting, because I've always had a very casual interest in developmental psychology. As I was writing this book, I was writing about all these things that we've been talking about, how people are becoming more impulsive and just more willing to disregard any facts, or statistics, or data that they're confronted with and how there's less and less repercussions for people just indulging whatever they feel and whatever they want to be true.

I realize, I'm like, this is like, if you look at developmental psychology, the definition of growing up is a child slowly learning to subvert their own impulses, or recognize their own – have a willingness that they're wrong, have a willingness to compromise their own views, have a willingness to recognize that their perspective is limited and is personal. It's not objective.

I realize, I'm like, “Holy shit. This is what's happening is we're all becoming children again.” We're all going back to I want the cookie and I want it now. There's nothing that you can say that will change that person's mind. That actually bummed me out more than probably anything else, because I mean, we know everything else about children that we know – we're basically becoming very highly educated in individualistic children, because – and the problem is that children, they don't compromise, they become very violent very easily and they don't – they’re not able to form meaningful relationships, or meaningful connections to others, or to society well at all. They’re little narcissists, essentially. Yeah, I think something's got to change in the culture.

[0:40:34.1] MB: To me, that's one of the biggest challenges of our society and I think one of the core missions of the Science of Success is to help open people's eyes and realize that you have to question your own assumptions, you have to understand your own cognitive biases, you have to pursue rational scientific thinking through the vein of somebody like a Charlie Munger, or a Carl Sagan. Yet, the world that today is slipping more and more away from that. Now that we're standing on the precipice of this, how do we pull back?

[0:41:06.0] MM: I don't know, man. There's only one part of the book that is actually prescriptive, because ultimately, I think these problems are systemic. I mean, there are things that we can do individually, I think the information diet, or as you called it mental nutrition, I think that's a huge part of it. I've got a chapter where I talk about the value of making commitments and limiting yourself. I think on a wide scale, our approach to this technology is going to have to change.

I think we're starting to see that. I mean, both people at Facebook and Twitter are starting to talk about how they're concerned. They finally acknowledge that these problems exist and that they're thinking about them. I think it's also incumbent on us as individuals, to take responsibility for our mental consumption habits and our own impulses and challenging our assumptions. I think it's the same way you seek out a physical health regimen, we need to seek out of a mental health regimen. Read things that challenge you, read opposing viewpoints, talk to people face-to-face who you don't necessarily agree with and empathize with them. As individuals, that's what we need most right now, I think.

[0:42:25.2] MB: What are some specific strategies that an individual that's listening to this conversation right now could implement to begin improving their mental nutrition?

[0:42:38.6] MM: One thing I've been talking, I've been doing a series of talks around the country. One of the things I've been talking about is I actually think – I think the internet has caused us to think too globally in a lot of senses. I mean, it's good to be aware of global issues, but at the end of the day, unless you dedicate your life to a global cause, you're probably not going to make much of a dent in it.

I think there needs to be a little bit of a return to local concerns and local community. I think people should get involved in local groups, they should volunteer at the local school or the local homeless shelter, get involved with local causes. Because not only is that probably more effective in the long run if everybody did more of that, but it's also – and coming back to that, bringing a full circle back to hope. If you're constantly focused on global problems, it's going to take you to a hopeless place, because you're just going to feel disempowered and feel as though you have no control over the outcome.

When you engage your community, when you go actually see people face-to-face and help them, or interact with them, you develop not only that sense of community and that sense of purpose, but it also makes you – it gives you a sense of hope and meaning that is more resilient and can be sustained more.

The other amazing thing that happens, when you start spending most of your time with people face-to-face, anybody who's never deleted all their social media apps experience this. It's like, you delete all the apps, you spend about two or three days in a fetal position rocking back and forth. Then you realize that you're actually forced to go outside and see people. Within a week of doing that, the whole social media world just seems so disconnected from reality. It's not real. It’s this imagined place where everything is exaggerated and extreme and everybody's upset all the time. If you actually go down the street and talk with a neighbor or help out at the school or something, things are pretty good. Life's okay and it's going to be okay. I've been encouraging, I've been championing more of that.

[0:44:47.0] MB: That's a great strategy and reminds me of that quote. I'm probably going to butcher it by paraphrasing, it's never doubt that a small group of committed people can change the world. In fact, it's the only thing that ever has, or whatever that quote is. It's a great reminder that just because you see on the news some massive, insurmountable structural challenge, the way to actually create change, create a positive impact is to start with yourself.

I wrote a post which I'll throw into the show notes a year or two ago about putting on your rationality oxygen mask and starting with investigating your own limiting beliefs and cognitive biases and the things that were wrong with yourself. Once you do that, then you can start to help other people on the journey as well.

[0:45:31.6] MM: Yeah, absolutely.

[0:45:33.0] MB: You touched on this already, but for listeners who want to take an action step after listening to this episode, what would be one action item or piece of homework that you would give them to really begin taking the first step? Because we talked about the importance of taking action to concretely implement some of these ideas in their lives.

[0:45:55.4] MM: Well, I think it depends what they feel their biggest problem is. One thing I've been recommending is you don't have to delete social media, but one thing I found very useful is unfollowing, or unfriending at least half of the people that you follow and friend, that includes news sources, media sources. I try to get my news from the front page of Wikipedia these days, because I think it's literally the only unbiased source of information at this point.

Then I think it's in terms of just personal habits and – we all have those things that we know we should do, but we don't do them. I think start thinking about those things in terms of thinking brain versus feeling brain. You need to find a way to work with your emotions, rather than against them. Because if you just try to overwhelm your emotions, it never lasts. You can do that once or twice, but at some point you have to strike a bargain with your feeling brain and find a way to enjoy whatever the new activity that you want to take on gives you.

[0:47:02.1] MB: For listeners who want to find you, your work, both of your books, etc., online, what is the best place for them to do that?

[0:47:10.0] MM: Website is markmanson.net. There's tons and tons of articles there about all these topics. Then the books, Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck, and then the new book is Everything is F*cked: A Book About Hope. Both of those are probably in every bookstore you could find. Go check those out.

[0:47:28.4] MB: Awesome. Well Mark, thank you so much for coming back on the show for sharing again some tremendous wisdom and insights. It's great to see your success and how well you've done, because I think you're sharing, you're talking about some really important ideas. I hope the listeners take some action and really implement some of the things we talked about today.

[0:47:48.9] MM: Thanks, man. I appreciate it.

[0:47:51.3] MB: Thank you so much for listening to the Science of Success. We created this show to help you, our listeners master evidence-based growth. I love hearing from listeners. If you want to reach out, share your story, or just say hi, shoot me an e-mail. My e-mail is matt@successpodcast.com. That’s M-A-T-T@successpodcast.com. I’d love to hear from you and I read and respond to every single listener e-mail.

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June 13, 2019 /Lace Gilger
Focus & Productivity
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Here’s Why You’re Stuck… This is How You Fix It with Gary John Bishop

May 09, 2019 by Lace Gilger in Focus & Productivity, Decision Making

In this episode we discuss how you create your own reality. We explore the idea that your life experiences are not random or arbitrary, but rather a direct result of your subconscious beliefs. When the conscious and the subconscious conflict, the sub-conscious wins and you’ll never get over your past until you realize how you use it to justify yourself. We dig into the powerful revelation that life only ever changes in the paradigm of action. You must do something differently than what you’ve done before in order to change. All of this and much more with our guest Gary John Bishop. 

Gary John Bishop is a personal development expert and is the author of the bestselling book Unfu*k Yourself: Get Out of Your Head and into Your Life and the soon to be released Stop Doing That Sh*t: End Self-Sabotage and Demand Your Life Back. His approach blends a unique in-your-face approach with high-level training and development practices. Hailing from Glasgow, Scotland Gary’s work has been featured in The New York Times, NPR, Vice, Business Insider, and much more!

  • You’re responsible for the creation of your life. You have to accept it, embrace it, be aware of it, and know it. 

  • In the living of your life - you will have to live the decisions and conclusions that you’ve made, whether you’re conscious of it or not 

  • As a human being, its incumbent upon you to go beyond yourself, expand your awareness, and live life being fully 

  • For the most part, your life is an expression of your subconscious. You’re mostly guided by the automatic. 

  • Just because you’re aware of a problematic belief or behavior -doesn’t mean you will stop doing it 

  • Why do people attend tons of personal development seminars, read books etc but then never actually change?

  • “There’s a massive difference between knowledge and awareness"

  • “At some level you must be pretty connected to having your life be the same”

  • When the conscious and the subconscious conflict, the sub-conscious wins. 

  • Your subconscious makes up almost the entirety of what drives you

  • Because I believed that “life is a struggle”, “Where life wasn’t a struggle, I would make it one"

  • Your life experiences are not random or arbitrary, they are defined by an invisible set of rules that you believe to be true - but the reality you experience may not be the same reality that other people experience - the same rules that others experience. 

  • Your life is a like the matrix, but the key difference is that you’re the rebels, AND the Matrix. 

  • You currently existing in a “Default” way of living your life - but there are infinite alternatives to being alive and living your life 

  • You are complicit and explicit in the reality that you create for yourself, and you’re not even aware to it. 

  • Freedom for a human be defined as the actions you take, in relation to your default mode of being 

  • You have to actually take action, you have to actually DO something with it. 

  • Reading a book is nice, but if you don’t do anything with it, what’s the difference in having read it or not?

  • Life ONLY EVER CHANGES in the PARADIGM OF ACTION. You must DO SOMETHING DIFFERENTLY than what YOU’VE DONE BEFORE. 

  • You don’t have to feel differently to do differently, you just have to DO differently.

  • Some of the greatest breakthroughs of science and engineering where discovered by accident.

  • Are you addicted to certainty? 

  • “If you’ve had any kind of big success in your life, you’ll notice that you did it under conditions of uncertainty” 

  • You have to go into the unknown and work your way through it to achieve anything

  • If you’ve had success, you try to preserve and maintain certainty, you lose the very strategy that made you successful (plunging into uncertainty) 

  • Embrace uncertainty in your life. 

  • If you’re not as hardcore as Gary John Bishop - how do you start taking action? 

  • Make promises to yourself, your promises have to be greater than how you feel. 

  • Start with small actions - and small steps to build momentum and credibility with yourself

  • You are not defined by your thoughts, feelings, and beliefs you are defined by your actions. 

  • “I am not my thoughts, I am what I do"

  • The beliefs that we hold at our core - manifest in our lives as all kinds of other reasons and logical explanations and rationalizations  - but we are really deceiving ourselves 

  • What if you could produce results that go beyond your current beliefs and thoughts?

  • The life you have is driven by what you do and don’t do - and what you continue to do and not do. 

  • You don’t need to think differently, you just need to do differently. 

  • You are what you do, not what you feel about what you do. 

  • Is your life about revealing the future you want or perpetuating the past? 

  • Whatever you don’t forgive lives on with you. That includes forgiving yourself and forgiving others. 

  • Forgiveness is a gift you give yourself. 

  • Withholding forgiveness perpetuates what happens, and you end up being left with the resentment. 

  • The future is far more important than your unwillingness to forgive. 

  • How do you forgive someone? How do you forgive yourself? 

  • You’ll never get over your past until you realize how you use it to justify yourself.

  • You are very consciously using your past to justify your present, you need to start uncovering instances of that and realizing that behavior pattern

  • The idea “things are the way they are, because of the way things have always been” may be a superstition. Causality is a superstition. It’s voodoo. 

  • Why can’t you be “caused” by some of the greatest experiences of your childhood? Why does it have to be the negative experiences of your childhood? 

  • Reserve causality - what if you were caused by something YET to happen? What if you were caused by something which hasn’t 

  • The simple example of a hammer hitting a nail - is that all it is? What caused the nail to go into the wood?

  • Homework: Look around in your life, look at something you’ve been tolerating, putting off, ignoring or pretending about - pick one item you’ve been tolerating and go handle it TODAY. Take that item, step into action, and go handle it TODAY, regardless of how you feel about it. 

  • You’ll realize after doing it that you’re inspired to take MORE action. 

    1. It begins with cleaning up some fo the existing mess in your life today. 

    2. The more mess you clean up, the great stuff becomes more and more clear. 

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Want To Dig In More?! - Here’s The Show Notes, Links, & Research

General

  • Gary’s website

    • Gary’s Courses

  • Gary’s Twitter

  • Gary’s Facebook

Media

  • The Manual - “How to Unfu*k Yourself: Unabashed Life Wisdom from Gary John Bishop” by Steven John

  • Bustle - “7 Mantras To Help You Think More Positively, According To A Personal Development Coach” By Suzannah Weiss

  • Forbes - “15 Ways To Have The Most Productive Year Of Your Life” by Brianna Wiest

  • The Guardian - “We are what we say: how thoughts and speech shape our wellbeing” by Gary John Bishop

  • Business Insider - “I teach people to be more successful, and one of the first things I share is a simple question” by Gary John Bishop

  • Pinterest board - 83 Motivational Quotes from Unfu*k Yourself by Gary John Bishop

  • Reddit AMA (Ask Me Anything) - I am Gary John Bishop, success coach and author of breakout self-help bestseller, Unfu*k Yourself. I'm committed to Unfu*king your life, AMA!

  • [Podcast] Zibby Owens (Feb 2019) - Gary John Bishop, UNF*CK YOURSELF

  • [Podcast] Knowledge for Men - Gary John Bishop: Unf*ck Yourself! Get Out of Your Head and Into Your Life by Andrew Ferebee

  • [Podcast] Jeff Agostinelli - 097: How to Unfu*k Yourself and Flip That Outdated Story with Gary John Bishop

  • [Podcast] Dad Edge Podcast (formerly Good Dad Project) - How to Unf*ck Yourself with Gary John Bishop

  • [Podcast] Order of Man - 134: UNFU*K YOURSELF | GARY JOHN BISHOP

  • [Podcast] Elite Man podcast - How To Unfuck Yourself And Create The Life You Want – Gary John Bishop (Ep. 133)

Videos

  • Gary’s YouTube Channel

    • Getting out of your head!

    • Eventually You Are Burdened By What You Tolerate

    • The Sourceful Life - Three Minute Training - Power!  

  • Book Review: Jecht Spencer - Unfu*k Yourself: Get Out of Your Head and Into Your Life - Gary John Bishop

  • HarperOne - Gary John Bishop on Life Choices

  • Science of Success - How to stop worrying and start living - Unf*ck Yourself by Gary Bishop

Books

  • Unfu*k Yourself: Get Out of Your Head and into Your Life  by Gary John Bishop

  • Stop Doing That Sh*t: End Self-Sabotage and Demand Your Life Back by Gary John Bishop

Misc

  • [Wiki Article] Émile Coué

  • [Wiki Article] Alan Watts

  • [SoS Episode] Embracing Discomfort

  • [SoS Episode] How To Demolish What’s Holding You Back & Leave Your Comfort Zone with Andy Molinsky

  • [SoS Episode] Your Secret Weapon to Becoming Fearless with Jia Jiang

Episode Transcript

[00:00:04.4] ANNOUNCER: Welcome to The Science of Success. Introducing your host, Matt Bodnar.

[00:00:11] MB: Welcome to the Science of Success, the number one evidence-based growth podcast on the internet with more than 3 million downloads, listeners in over a hundred countries.

In this episode, we discuss how you create your own reality. We explore the idea that your life experiences are not random or arbitrary, but rather a direct result of your subconscious believes. When the conscious and the subconscious conflict, the subconscious wins and you’ll never get over your past until you realize how you’re using it to justify yourself. We dig into the powerful revelation that life only ever changes in the paradigm of action. You must do something differently than what you’ve done before in order to change. We talk about all these and much more with our guest, Gary John Bishop.

I’m going to tell you why you’ve been missing out on some incredibly cool stuff if you haven’t signed up for our email list yet. All you have to do to sign up is to go to successpodcast.com and sign up right on the home page.

On top of tons subscriber-only content, exclusive access and live Q&As with previous guests, monthly giveaways and much more,I also created an epic free video course just for you. It's called How to Create Time for What Matters Most Even When You're Really Busy. E-mail subscribers have been raving about this guide.

You can get all of that and much more by going to successpodcast.com and signing up right on the home page, or by texting the word smarter to the number44-222on your phone. If you like what I do on Science of Success, my e-mail list is the number one way to engage with me and go deeper on what I discuss on the show, including free guides, actionable takeaways, exclusive content and much, much more.

Sign up for my e-mail list today by going to successpodcast.com and signing up right on the home page, or if you're on the go, if you're on your phone right now, it's even easier. Just text the word “smarter”, that's S-M-A-R-T-E-R to the number44-222.I can't wait to show you all the exciting things you'll get when you sign up and join thee-mail list.

In our previous episode, we discussed the female and male brains. Are they different? If so, what are the differences and do they matter? We looked at the science behind all of these and unlocked key insights into how you can improve your health, happiness and relationships by using a few simple strategies with our guest, Dr. Louann Brizendine. If you want some surprising science that you can use to transform your relationships, listen to our previous episode.

Now, for our interview with Gary. Please note, this episode contains profanity.

[00:03:18] MB: Today, we have another exciting guest on the show, Gary John Bishop. Gary is a personal development expert and he’s the author of the bestselling book Unfuck Yourself: Get Out of Your Head and Into Your Life, and the soon to be released Stop Doing That Shit and Self-Sabotage and Demand Your Life Back.

His approach blends a unique in your face approach with a high-level training and development practices. Hailing from Glasgow, Scotland, Gary’s work has been featured in the New York Times, NPR, Vice, Business Insider and much more.

Gary, welcome to the Science of Success.

[00:03:49] GJB: Great to be with you, Matt. Thanks for having me. Almost got my words mixed up there. But yeah, thanks for having me.

[00:03:55] MB: Oh, it happens. It happens. Well, we’re very excited to have you on here, Gary. Love your message and your work, and I can’t wait to dig in to a number of the different themes and ideas that you’ve written about and talked about.

[00:04:05] GJB: Good! Now, let’s get to it.

[00:04:06] MB: So one of the things that I really enjoy about your approach to things is this idea of – And you may not exactly call it this, but this idea of responsibility and that where we are in our lives, fundamentally, we’re responsible for the creation of that. Could you begin by unpacking that idea and explaining that a little bit?

[00:04:26] GJB: Yeah. People use the word responsibility a lot and I don’t think they use it responsibly. So it eventually comes down to be into blame for something or something is your fault, and that’s really not responsibility in the sense of a human being. So being responsible for something is a human being means like you fully accept it. You fully embrace it. You are aware of it. You know it, and you take all those things into consideration and you’re still doing the shit that you usually do, then now you’re being irresponsible.

As human beings, you don’t tend to have much sense or at least awareness of some of the stuff that have put together. Some of the things we’ve accepted as believes, some of the things that we have concluded. But ultimately in the living of one’s life, you will have to live with those decisions and conclusions, whether you’re conscious of making those decisions and conclusions or not.

So I really feel as if as human being, it’s incumbent upon you to go beyond knowing things about yourself, go beyond raking up reams of knowledge about yourself and start to make some connections, to start to expand your awareness and then to live life being fully responsible for that, which you’ve made yourself aware of.

[00:05:47] MB: The thing that I feel like so many people struggle with is that part of acknowledging and accepting the things that they either consciously or subconsciously brought into their life or created as a part of their lives.

[00:06:00] GJB: Yeah. For the most your life is subconscious expression. So what I mean by that, I mean you’re mostly guided by the automatic. Most people can tell you what they do. A lot of people can tell you why they do what they do, but not to the degree that they stop doing it. So I’m interested in getting in that a little bit deeper. What is it that’s really fueling me as a human being? That’s what I talk about extensively in Stop Doing That Shit, and I know these have these kind of like – My books kind of have these kind of abrasive titles, but there’s a lot in those books. It’s not just me telling you to stop doing something, right? I mean, you can just ask your mother. She’ll tell you to stop doing a bunch of stuff.

So my approach is definitely understanding yourself in a way that perhaps until that point in your life you might not have done. In Stop Doing That Shit, I provide you with a real pathway to joining some of the dots of your own behaviors that are working against you to reveal something that perhaps you hadn’t considered.

[00:07:11] MB: You bring up another really important idea and then expanding that out a little bit was a question that I’ve always had that I think your work hits at the heart of, which is this notion that people often time spend time, energy, money attending all kinds of personal development seminars, reading tons of self-help books, etc., and yet never really fundamentally change. Why is that?

[00:07:33] GJB: A couple of reasons. As I said, there’s a massive difference between knowledge and awareness. So I’ve met some really smart people who are about as aware as a plate of dead fish. They could tell you tons of stuff about awareness, but that hasn’t made them aware. So when you’re aware of something, when something goes off in you, when you’re enlivened by something, you get an insight of something that’s so compelling that there’s no way back from it. You can no longer act the way you’ve acted. To me, that’s a real insight.

As human beings we can tend to become these kind of insight junkies, like, “Oh, yeah! That’s really interesting.” Part of that is because when we are reading or listening or watching something, we’re doing it at just a very kind of basic level. We’re just doing it in a level of agreement and disagreement and coming up with the arguments for and against in our head as we’re doing it rather than being in it for what it might illuminate. I guess that’s part of my problem with philosophy in general is way too interested in itself rather than its usefulness.

Why do we often not really change? Because we’re still pretty much addicted to the mess that we’ve built because there’s a kind of gravity, a certain kind of certainty and the life you have even though you might not particularly like the life you have or say you really want to change it or even be doing a lot of stuff that you feel that you have to change it. At some level you must be pretty connected to having to be the same, and that is a big part of what Stop Doing That Shit is about. It really is about once and for all revealing what your resistance to change is grounded at.

[00:09:25] MB: That phrase, at some level you must be pretty connected to having things be the same. So powerful and yet I think listeners may not fully graph the importance and the depth behind that. Can you explain that a little bit more and really what that actually means?

[00:09:40] GJB: Yeah. There’s a French guy by the name of Émile Coué. I think that’s how you pronounce his name. There’s an inflection at the end, so I’m presuming there’s an emphasis on the A. But anyway, Émile Coué, he lived in like the 18th century and he said – He didn’t say it this way. He said it in a much more French eloquent way, but this is the Scottish interpretation you’re getting. When the conscious and the subconscious conflict, the subconscious wins.

So if I’ve subconsciously, and your subconscious by the way isn’t some foo-foo made up thing. It’s real. You don’t need me to give you evidence of it. You stroll your way through Google. Neuroscience agrees that’s real. It’s a thing. It’s there. It makes up most of what do I feel. When I say most, I mean almost entirely what do I feel.

But what if you looked at your life in the perspective of your subconscious? What if you looked at your life and said, “Well, what if all these is supposed to be this way? What does it prove? What is this bring to life for me as a human being?”

So I’ll give you an example and this is one of the examples I talk about in the book, but it took me a number of years to discover that at some level at some time in my life concluded that life is a struggle. I have to stance of doing such a thing. I have no stance of like, “Oh, yeah. Life is a struggle.” I just realize that when I look around me, like everything is a struggle. It was nothing that wasn’t a struggle. It was all hard work. I notice these other people how they were interacting with life wasn’t like mine. I also noticed that where life wasn’t a struggle, I would make it one. I’ll find a way to have the struggle come to life, and it was digging and digging and digging at that. I started to see like not only was in my experience of things was life a struggle, but that I was actively engaging myself with things that would make it one, and none of it was an accident. I would look at myself sabotaging. Suddenly myself sabotage became obvious. Well, of course, and this is what kind of tied in to what Coué said. Anytime something that came up that would conflict with the notion that life is a struggle, I would either dismiss it or throw a hand grenade in it so I’ll blow it up.

I have no sense of doing such a thing, but if you track my behaviors, it was not only dead on the money, but it was consistent and cyclical and it was – I’m sure your listeners can relate to this. Situations where my wife would seemingly be going in the direction, and then boom! And then going in the right direction, and then boom! And then going in the right direction, and then boom! Over and over and over.

My assertion is – Again, that’s in the book. That’s what we’re doing as human beings. We’re overcoming something, almost getting there. Something’s temporarily getting there and then bringing the conclusion by to life again over and over and over, and then you die.

[00:12:50] MB: So this idea that your belief that life was a struggle was showing up in all kinds of areas of your life. It was cropping up in seemingly unrelated things and you make a really important point, which I want to underscore, which is this notion that this isn’t something you were consciously trying to do. It was a subconscious pattern that was manifesting itself.

[00:13:11] GJB: Right. It all started for me a number of years ago by actually getting out of bed one morning and I actually caught myself, reminding myself who I was pissed off at. I kind of had to remind myself, like, “Oh, yeah.”

Then when I looked at it really closely, I noticed that in moments before that, I wasn’t pissed off at them. So they weren’t even on my mind. I had to like, check-in with my reality. You might have listeners right now that are nodding their head going, “Oh my gosh! I’ve done that.” So it’s not rocket science really to start to understand it. Every morning, I don’t wake up into the world. I wake up into a very specific world, a world of my nuances, by biases, my upsets, my view of things if you like. But more, deeper than that actually is my experience of being alive. There’s just what it’s like for me to engage with this life, and it’s not arbitrary. It’s not just some random experience of being alive. It’s a very defined one with certain limitations and certain sacred cows and certain – Like it’s just very defined.

The people that I would call my friends are the ones who have a life experience that’s closer to my, right? So that would be like, “Oh, you see it that way and you experience it –” “Oh, yeah. I do too.” “Yeah, we should be friends.” Then people who don’t, like you experience it in a totally different way. Well, clearly, you’re just an idea or you’re wrong or something.

But what I’m experiencing as a human being – And I started to really get like every day I reintroduce the Matrix. I just reintroduce it and then I live it, and then I reintroduce it and I live it. So seeing that life was a struggle for me was like seeing the black cat in the Matrix. It was like, “Oh, shoot! There’s the program,” and it took me a while to come in terms with it. In the Matrix, I am both the rebels and the Matrix. I’m all of it. I’m the whole thing, and it was really – It’s suddenly my self-sabotage and the ways that I would undermine myself. It just revealed itself like this kind of unfolding series of aha moments and start to really understand that there exists for me or within me, if you like, which is I don’t even know it’s within me in a literal sense, but there is the presence of a default way of living, that I until I discovered it, it was the only way of living. When I discovered it and saw it as a default way of living, suddenly I could see all these alternatives. Suddenly I could see all these other ways of being alive and being expressed and having my life be a bit something a little other than overcoming what’s there for me to overcome by default.

[00:16:20] MB: I love the Matrix analogy, because I think it comes back to the original idea that we were talking about before, this notion of responsibility and the face that your life experiences are not random or arbitrary. They’re defined by an invisible set of rules that you believe to be true. But the reality you’re experiencing is not the same reality that other people experience.

I love this notion that if it’s the Matrix, you’re the rebels in the sense that you’re trying to change yourself, but the really important thing that you said is that you’re also the Matrix. Your complicit and explicitly creating this reality that you’re experiencing and you’re not even aware of it.

[00:16:56] GJB: I would be willing to wager that most of your listeners or a large percentage of your listeners are what I would call have a default way of being called being analytical. They’re kind of drawn to your conversation because it gets to scratch that particular itch. There’s nothing wrong with being analytical. In fact, again, most of the lessons, if you look at being analytical as a way of being, you’ll find that works very well in your career.

However, being analytical is one of those things as a way of being, as a default way of being. It’s a little too fascinated with itself. So somebody might come up with a solution for you and you’ll like this solution, but then you’ll start to analyze and then you’ll what if it, and you’ll could have, should have, would have it until its usefulness is no longer applicable, which means you don’t need to analyze different and other answer. Does that make sense?

[00:17:55] MB: Yeah. I think it definitely makes sense.

[00:17:57] GJB: All right, good. But if you start to see like, “Wow!” That’s what I do by default. Actually, that’s part of my default wiring, because an analyst just needs problems. It’s a very internal state. It can also be a worrisome state as a way of being. Again, I’m coming to this from an anthological perspective. That is, looking at a human being from a perspective of their ways of being right. [inaudible 00:18:22] and from the perspective of your ways of being.

Being responsible means I’ve done the work to reveal those to myself in such a way that they make other things available and that I can actually see the ways in which the default ways of being intrude in the quality of my life or in my ability to go beyond what I think my potential is and I’m responsible for them in such a way that their impact on me and my wife diminishes greatly. I’m fascinated by a human’s being ability to go beyond who they have come to know themselves as.

Martin Heidegger, the German philosopher said, “Freedom for a human being can be found in the actions that one takes,” and I’m going to paraphrase here, “can be found in the actions that one takes when confronted by one’s default self.” That is, when I notice my default self and yet I act independently of that, Heidegger says that was and is freedom for a human being.

[00:19:33] MB: That’s really powerful, and the focus that you have and you talk about in taking action, is something that’s so important and many ways shapes the structure and the ideas around our show. We try to always figure out how can we create concrete action steps and ways for the listeners to implement things. So I really love to see that as a core component of what your message and the fact that it’s not just about becoming aware and then accepting the default network. You actually have to take action. You actually have to do something to change it.

[00:20:07] GJB: Yeah. You got to drive a bus through it as I’d like to say, right? You got to drive a bus through it. One of my pet peeves right now is social media with people posting pictures and then declaring they’ve read their 19th book of the year or whatever that is. You know, “This is my 32nd book,” and I say this is fine, but what are you changing? What have you taken on? What did you realize? What did you uncover? What have you transformed? What have you transcended? How has the reading of that single book shifted your life?

I’m a great believer and you could basically read any book and find something in there that you could use to change your life. I really mean that you could read a book about Greek architecture and find something in there that actually inspires you to change your life or gives you the kind of insight, if you think about it, to change your life.

Change and life by the way does not come from insights, and I love insights by the way. I love a good old-fashioned Scottish insight. However, life only ever changes, only, only ever, ever changes in the paradigm of action. So that is that you now do differently than you did before. The illusion is that somehow we feel as if or we think that we have to feel differently in order to do differently. That is not true. That’s nonsense. That’s why the whole thing about positivity kind of grinds my gears a little.

Some of the most positive things I’ve ever done in my life, I did them with a negative mindset. I don’t have to tell myself that it was awesome to do awesome things. I found that my – I got to being an extraordinary human being and engaging with extraordinary things as an ordinary man. So that is with all the nuances and biases of every other ordinary man, and there’s nothing extraordinary about me at all in the slightest. I’m just an average kind of guy who engages with extraordinary things and gets challenged by them. There’s no special genetic kind of disposition for extraordinary going on over here. I’m a very ordinary human being with a pretty unspectacular life. What makes a human being extraordinary is the kind of things they engage themselves with and the actions they take, right? Because life only ever shifts.

By the way, you didn’t have to believing I’m saying. Try it out. Try it out for yourself. Try it. You’ll see that your life changes only in the paradigm action. If you’re not making physical changes, more of this, less of that, less of that, more of this, your life won’t change. You might feel a bit better, but it will be the same nonsense.

[00:23:04] MB: Reminds me of that classic quote, “If you do what you’ve always done, you’ll get what you’ve always gotten.” I feel like so many people fall into the trap of waiting to feel good or waiting to feel that they’re ready to start taking action. As you’re saying, it’s really almost the opposite. You need to take action first and then the changes start to actually accumulate.

[00:23:30] GJB: Right. So I would put almost all of my success in life in the last dozen years or so into throwing myself into things that I have no idea how I was going to do them, which was a complete shift from how I’ve done it before. I always needed to plan it out and make sure I knew I was doing and ta-ta-ta-ta-ta, and if I wasn’t feeling it, then I’m not doing it and I don’t feel confident enough and I don’t feel as if I know enough, which if you’re analytical, yeah, that’s like a hamster on a wheel right there because you’ll never know enough.

Again, if you just use reality, some of the greatest breakthroughs of science and engineering were made by accident. So they were made by people actually working on something else and then like, “Oh! What’s that?” Which tells you that in the paradigm action, when you’re acting on something. I don’t mean just sitting in your chair thinking about, because thinking isn’t an action, and you’re actually doing. You’re producing. That’s where discoveries are made. That’s where actually you make progress, it’s in the doing. It’s not like I’m anti-thinking about doing. I just think it’s way overrated.

[00:24:38] MB: This also dovetails a little bit into one of the core themes that you talk and write about as well, which underscores a lot of these feelings of not being ready or not taking action, which is the need for certainty.

[00:24:50] GJB: Yeah, we’re addicted to certainty, and it gets worse as you get older. So when you’re really young – I got three kids. I have a 14-year-old, 7-year-old and a 4-year-old, and the 4-year-old has no concern for certainly. Like he just doesn’t care. He’s out there, he’s living, he’s doing it.

The 14-year-old is getting more and more concerned for things being a certain way, and that just gets more and more and more as you get older. I talk about this in my first book, I’d say, “Look, if you have had any kind of success in your life, you’ll notice that you did it in a condition off uncertainty.” So any kind of big success you feel as if you produced, whether you went to college, moved to a new town, applied for a new job, started a business, whatever, you’ve asked somebody out, whatever your thing is, “That was a big thing for me.” You’ll see you did in a condition of uncertainty. That is you went into the unknown and you worked your way through it.

Now, you’ll also notice that when you have had some kind of success in a certain area, that what then follows is trying to preserve it or maintain it, right? So you’ve now given up on the very strategy that got you there. Now you’re in some other strategy. How do I preserve my certainty? Because, by and large as human beings, we just hate, hate, hate, hate uncertainty, yet we’re drawn to it. So I want things to be – Some level I want things to be same, but I want this new thing.

My view is that’s the kind of crossroads where human beings exist. They exist in this kind of crossroads between having things be the same, yet desiring the new. If you want new things to happen in your life, you need to be someone who starts to get comfortable with that you don’t know how it’s going to turn out. If anything’s going to give you any comfort, that would be the knowledge that if doesn’t turn out, you’re going to be fine. Your survival kick in. You’ll work your way through it. You’ll be fine

So I really encourage people to embrace uncertainty in life to really get – If you really ought to have something great happen, then uncertainty is going to be a part of it. You’re either going to resist that and stick to what you know or you’re going to reach for something way beyond your potential or at least the potential that you think you have.

[00:27:10] MB: I couldn’t agree more, and we’ve had many, many episodes in the show where we talk about the importance of embracing uncertainty. What are some of the strategies that you found that are particularly helpful, exercises or things to begin to step into the uncertain?

[00:27:26] GJB: Yeah. I mean, I’ve done a lot of work on myself, Matt. I really dug in the depths, right? I’ve been into the dirt where people just don’t go, and I’ve really uncovered an awful lot of what was driving this kind of persona of mine, right? Why it was also important. So that was a big part of it was this kind of uncovering.

But a really simple strategy that I still use, and I use this all the time, is this whole notion of personal promises. Promises aren’t something we really use in our lives, right? We don’t. We say things like, “I’m going to try,” “I want to,” “I’m going to,” but nobody is really like sticking a flag in the ground saying, “I promise to delivery this by ta-ta-ta-ta, a day or something.”

So when I wrote my first book, when I wrote Unfuck Yourself, I noticed that I was having a physiological reaction to the idea of writing a book. I’m getting butterflies in my stomach. I noticed when it came down to it, I just didn’t want to write it. Now, I could get into, “Oh, let’s uncover why you don’t want to write it and all that stuff,” and I did to some degree or another. But rather what I did was I stuck a flag in the ground and said, “Okay. I’m going to give myself nine months to write this book and I’m going to deliver yon it.”

So every day, I would get up, I would go to the laptop and I would notice there was some kind of mood I was in, some kind of, “Oh, look,” that I had. Some kind of feeling that I had that I was in contrast to what I said I would do. So what I started to live was the life of my promises. So I’ve started to live – I started to do what I said I would do and give less and less and less attention to how I felt about what I was doing.

So I would say my success as a writer is completely a function of delivering on the promises that I made and everywhere along the way handling myself, and handling, my resignation, and handling my cynicism, and handling my upsets, and handling my circumstances to delivery on what I said I would do. Having what I said I would do reach the kind of importance that it deserves, which it deserves an importance way greater than how I might feel about any of that. Because my promises exist outside of me. They don’t exist in my or they don’t – I don’t experience my promises.

So my promises are like a straight line from here to there and all the junk in between here and there is how I feel about it and like whether my circumstances fit with it and ta-ta-ta-ta-ta. So I make bold promises in my wife. I’m not careful about promises. By the way, I’m bold about them. I get out there. I make promises that I’m not really sure if I can keep it or not and I turn myself inside out to deliver on them. I’m not somebody – You don’t talk me out of my promises. I make them. I deliver on them. I make them. I deliver on them. I make them. I deliver on them. All that junk that happens in our life has little to no impact on the power of the promises that I make to myself, in my wife, in my profession, in my relationships, because the promises that I make to myself are getting bigger and bolder and more compelling and they call me out. They call me to be a greater self.

[00:30:56] MB: For someone who’s not as hardcore as you, and honestly I think you and I are similar in the sense that I’m also very hardcore. I try to push myself really hard. What are some of the ways that people can step into taking more action?

[00:31:10] GJB: Yeah, and that’s a great question. So this whole world of personal promises actually starts small. So if you start with a promise – I’ll give you a simple one that people just wrestle with for some reason. But anyway, you set your alarm for 6AM. Promise yourself you’re going to be up the first ring. So the first one that goes off, get up. That’s the promise you had make yourself, and that promise is greater than how you feel when you wake up. Because you might feel, “Oh, I hardly didn’t sleep.” “Oh, I’ve got a sore head.” “Oh, it’s cold.” You got to set all that aside and hold yourself to that promise. So it’s all simple things, like little promises.

Now, human beings – And this is the thing that just never ceases to amaze me. The more you keep promises, the more emboldened you’ll get. You’ll actually start to experience yourself as a bigger human being. So it’s no surprise that one might relate to oneself a small or incapable or somehow not quite up to the task, because your life is filled with a trail of broken promises, things you would tell yourself that you want to do it and then for some reason or another, you are able to talk yourself out of it. Then that just kind of gets thrown in the backpack like another little disappointment. So you got to build that back up again. You got to come back. You got to really start to bring forth the presence of your personal power and you do it in little ways.

So one of the things that I took on a while back was intermittent fasting, okay? So I’d read about it and understood it, and I love pizza and fast food and all that kind of stuff, and I didn’t fancy the whole idea of living the rest of my life on a diet. I didn’t fast like eating kale all the way to the grave. So I looked for something that I thought can work for me, and I came across this intermittent fasting, which is you eat during an 8-hour window and then you don’t eat for 16 hours and you do that every day. For me, it looks like I don’t eat till noon, and then the last thing I can eat is 8 at night.

At the beginning it was so challenging. I mean, because physiology my body is like, “Have a snack,” or every time you go in the refrigerator, like, “Eat that sandwich,” and it was just on and on and on, and I’ll did was just these little victories of like, “No, I said I wouldn’t eat, so I’m not eating.” “All right. I said I wouldn’t eat at this time, so I’m not eating.” It was really, really challenging. The first months was like, “Oh my God! I don’t think I can do this.”

Then I noticed like it was getting easier and easier and easier and easier and I was starting to get bolder and bolder with the promises. Like I really felt it was if my personal power was coming to life. Literally, what I was experiencing was a victory for what I said over how I felt. So I would say to people, “Start – Layout some small, even just one small victory that’s a victory for what you said over how you feel and start to pepper your life with those little victories, like that’s a victory for what I said over how I feel. That’s a victory for what I said over how I feel, and you’ll actually start to see, gather this body of evidence for that your life could be a series of promises fulfilled.

[00:34:27] MB: That’s a great way to break it down, starting with small, easily definable, easily executable actions and promises, and it’s like a snowball rolling downhill. Slowly builds more and more and more momentum. That also makes me think of tangentially related idea or a theme that you talked about, which is this notion that we’re not defined by our feelings, our thoughts, our believes, but we’re only fundamentally defined. Our identities are really truly defined by our actions.

[00:34:57] GJB: Right. I wanted people to get the sense, because look, we all have an inner critique. We all have some internal dialogue, which basically – It exists like some kind of conundrum. It seems like no matter what you do, there it is. Whatever your sense – Mostly in our lives we’re trying to organize ourselves around it, right?

So if your internal dialogue is fundamentally from something like, “I’m not smart enough.” That will be guiding you in ways that you can’t even imagine. You will literally – It’ll seem like legitimate reasons, like, “Oh, I’m not doing it because of this, this, this, this and this,” but if you peel all that back you’ll see what’s the running the whole thing is I’m not smart enough, and I’m giving you an example here.

So now you’re actually being defined by something called I’m not smart enough. So your life is getting defined by – So those jobs you won’t apply for. You won’t write that book. You’re not going to move to that town. Why? Because at some level you don’t think you’re up to it. You’ll have a lot – Again, on the surface, compelling reasons. They all are being put there to kind of bring some logic to the whole thing. But ultimately, you are being pushed in a certain direction by something that’s going on with you below the surface.

I say, well, first, if you could recognize out this interest. Secondly, what if you could produce results that go beyond that? For me, writing a book was something that goes beyond what’s going on with me subconsciously. I mean, someone with my internal wiring wouldn’t write a book. It wouldn’t do it.

So the only way I am author by virtue of the actions I took, period. How I felt about all of that played little or no part in it, and if it’s only actions, like I talked to earlier, actions are the paradigm of change. That’s where your life changes, in the actions that you take and the actions that you don’t take. Then it brings a lot – It takes all the attention away from working on like – I don’t know, getting more confidence or whatever the thing is that I think may be going on with me internally that I need to fix, if I actually focus on, “Okay. But let’s say this thing that I want to do, what if I just did it?” Then you’re actually now – You’re living your life is a reflection of your action.

I mean, look, you’re currently living your life as a reflection of your actions. I mean, the life you have is given by what you did and didn’t do and that what you continue to do and not do. So, again, if you want to bring real insignificant change to the directions or the trajectory of your life, I know a lot of people will say, “Well, think differently.” I don’t think you have to. I think you need to do differently than you’ve done before. I think today you need to do something that you didn’t do yesterday, something that’s more in line with the future you’re out to have, and I think you increasingly need to pepper your lie with those kinds of actions, because when it comes down to it, you are what you do, rather than you are how you feel about what you do.

[00:38:23] MB: That’s a really powerful way to phrase it. What would you say to somebody who’s listening that’s thinking to themselves, “You’re just trying to bury your feelings or push your feelings aside, and that’s not necessarily a healthy way to think about taking action.”

[00:38:40] GJB: Well, I wouldn’t agree with burying your feelings. I think about a point in society where we’ve made our feelings. There was once upon a time in history where your feelings were completely discounted, and people had the experience of being suppressed I think would endanger of going the whole other way now, where it’s all about your feelings.

I’m not any different than anybody. I also experience loss, disappointment. I experienced all those things, and [inaudible 00:39:07]. At some point whether you’re experiencing any of those things, loss, or disappointment, or apathy, or you don’t experience yourself as somebody who has confidence. That actually is the only thing that you have any say in. You don’t have a say in what the world is going to do. The world is going to do what it’s going to do. You have a massive say in your experience of this world. Nobody is going to come and save you in that regard.

So I will acknowledge how I feel. If I’m in some kind of a negative state, I’ll acknowledge. I don’t just crush it and press it down. I don’t do any of that. I acknowledge it. I give it the space that it deserves. If you’ve given it more space than it deserves, it will have the final say in how your life goes. So I’m not going tell people like suppress their emotions. Saying to people, “You need to put them in prospect. You need to put them in the right place.” If you’re feeling sad or you’re feeling disappointed, those are appropriate to being a human being. They’re very appropriate to the experience of being a human being, but they’re not the kind of things that i would use to define my life.

As I say to people, “You’re more like a conduit as supposed to your location.” Experiences come and go. Feelings come and go. They’re legitimate. They’re real. They’re part of the notion of what it is to be a human being, but you should be aware and very responsible for the significance that you put on those feelings and you should be very responsible for the impact they have in your life overall, because no one can be responsible for that other than you. No one can have a say in that other than you. Ultimately, like I said, no one’s coming and save you. If you really want to do great things and go beyond your own set of personal constraints that will require you to act with those negative feelings sometimes there, sometimes not there.

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[00:43:08] MB: Earlier you talked about one of the core strategies for overcoming self-sabotage, being around the importance of creating alternatives for yourself, alternative ways of belief, alternative ways of understanding. How do we go about starting to create some of those alternatives?

[00:43:26] GJB: One of the things that I do, and I do this regularly, is I – This is an example that I used in Stop Doing That Shit and the latest book. It was said that when Michael Angelo created David, it was from a giant block of marble. It was said that in his mind, David was already done. All he was doing was revealing David. So every step, like he’s just taking another piece of way that was in David.

I invite people to kind of take their lives on that way, like they start with the ending. Start with, “This is done.” All I’m doing is revealing it. I look at my life in a day-to-day actions is what I’m doing today. Revealing a future or perpetuating the past is what I’m doing, revealing the future or perpetuating a past. In very short order, you’ll see that most of your life is about perpetuating the past.

So if I’m out to have a future of having written five books, every day I’m taking actions that are either consistent with five books or something else. So it’s not a hard comparison to make. It’s pretty easy to see you’re taking your life in a direction that’s not consistent with what you, yourself, have created. Again, that’s where the importance of those promises start to grow and become more significant.

[00:44:52] MB: How does forgiveness play into overcoming some of these limiting beliefs that contribute so much to self-sabotage?

[00:45:00] GJB: Yeah. If you or somebody who struggles to forgive, you better learn fast, because whatever you don’t forgive lives on with you. That includes forgiving yourself and forgiving others. Forgiveness is a gift you give yourself, because it feels like often for us as human beings, if I don’t forgive somebody at sometimes, it’s somehow evens up whatever they did or didn’t do, and it doesn’t. It perpetuates what they did or didn’t do, and you’re the one that’s left with the resentment.

So you can’t have no forgiveness without resentment. I don’t care how many times you convince yourself that you can. That’s bullshit. You can’t – By the way, if anybody is listening to this right now and they can experience their emotional state start to rise, that’s exactly what I’m talking about. That’s what you’ve given yourself. You’ve given yourself the gift of anger and resentment and upset. Sometimes it’s like you’re despondent or you’ve turned yourself into a victim or something. So as a human being, I feel as if it’s incumbent upon on each of us to forgive as quickly as possible. Why? Because the future is far more important than your unwillingness to forgive and to hang on to the past.

[00:46:25] MB: Such a powerful way to phrase that. I love that phrasing; the future is more important than your unwillingness to forgive.

[00:46:31] GJB: Correct. Look, I never said forgiveness is easy, but one of the things that I’m able to do with people is actually show them how to forgive. I mean, nobody really shows you how to do that. How do you forgive another? Or how do you forgive myself?

The one with yourself is a little easier. You don’t forgive yourself because it allows you to stay and whatever you’ve done. It allows you to keep that as some kind of excuse not to move ahead. So people say, “Oh, yeah. I can forgive all the people, but I can’t forgive myself.” Oh! You’re an asshole. You got to cut that shit out. I’ll tell you why you got to cut that shit out, because it allows you to justify this crappy life that you currently have. You’ll never ever get over your past until you deal with how you’ve used your past to justify the current life you have.

[00:47:28] MB: That’s one of my favorite quotes from your work. Tell me more. Unpack that a little bit more for me.

[00:47:34] GJB: Yeah. You’ve built a life around your past. I mean, it doesn’t seem like you have. You’ve become – Some people have become harsher because of their past. Some people have become less vulnerable in their mind because of their past. But if you read anything like Alan Watts for instance, he’ll tell you there’s no cause and effect from the past or the present. It’s not real. It’s a made up thing by human beings. You’re not really caused by the past. It’s just something you’ve hang on to. By the way, if any of your listeners who have never listened to Alan Watts, have read anything bu Alan Watts, he’ll shake your reality to its very core.

Some people would say, “Well, I’m on this relationship with this person, but we never had love when I was a kid. So I have to struggle when we have love I this relationship.” That’s an example of using the past to justify that you’re just unwilling to share or be vulnerable with this person. You’re just not willing to deal with whatever you need to deal with personally to love another. Therefore you perpetuate the myth of your own past.

I mean, the examples of massive. At a crappy drive when you worked this morning. So therefore the rest of the day is screwed, or, “Why you’re in a bad mood?” “Oh, it’s just I’m having a tough time right now.” “Well, not right now you’re not. You might have done yesterday, or this morning, or this week, or this month, but right now that’s using the past to justify yourself right now.”

So you didn’t always have a say in some of the stuff that happened in your life. You don’t always have a saying in some of that. But you have all the say in how that’s going to impact your life moving forward. Part of shacking yourself free from the grip of that and starting to realize that you are in fact very consciously using your past to justify your present. If you can uncover 1, 2, 10, 50 examples of that, you start to see that you’ve pretty much turned yourself into a small human being.

[00:49:39] MB: This is a bit of an aside, but I’m a tremendous Alan Watts fan. He’s one of my all-time favorite thinkers and writers and really one of the most insightful people. It’s amazing, because he died so many years ago. It was like 30, 40 years ago, and yet his work is still so powerful and so resonant.

[00:49:57] GJB: Yeah. Well, one of the things – I talk about this by the way in my latest book, Watts talked about causality, and that the illusion for human beings that causality travels from the past to the present and to the future like a line. It’s always flowing in one direction. So things are the way they are because of the way things have been. We live with that. I would call that no more than a superstition. Having been dwelling in that notion for probably a good five or six years now.

Causality is by and large a superstition and it’s voodoo, right? If you gather real thought, like when one makes able to hammer. The head of the hammer drives the nail cause and effect. Okay. Well, about the arm? Okay. What about the brain? What about the belief that the person has? What about – There’s so many other aspects. But if you give up the idea that something happens in the specifics of a causality, people talk about, “I am the way I am because of the way my father was.” No. You are the way you are because of the items that you cherry picked about your father that now explain the way you are, but there are a lot of other aspects about your father that you rode off or other aspects of your child that you just dismissed.

So then your whole notion of – I mean, why can’t I be caused by – If causality travels from the past to the present? Why can’t I be caused by some of the great days of my childhood? Why can’t that be the cause of why I am? Why can’t I be filled with joy because of that great day I spent playing soccer when I was nine? Why does it have to be that time when my father fought my mom?

I love dispelling the notion of causality, like I am here as a cause of something, like something caused me to be this way. I actually talk about this notion of reverse causality that is being caused by something yet to come, which is a whole lot of creation, right? What if I was influenced by caused by and inspired by that, which has not happened yet?

[00:52:11] MB: You know, that’s one of my favorite ideas from Alan Watts, this notion of the hammer hitting the nail. If you expand out anything, at this exact moment your entire life, any instance of anything that’s ever happened, it’s completely inseparable from everything. There’s no way to trace it back to anything except for the entire collective history of the whole cosmos.

[00:52:35] GJB: All right. That’s awesome. So therefore, like your petty complaints are a little more than just petty complaints.

[00:52:41] MB: That’s right. For listeners who – We’ve covered a lot of really interesting topics today. For listeners who want to concretely start somewhere with an action step or the way to begin implementing this, what would be one piece of homework that’s an action item that you would give to them to begin this journey?

[00:52:58] GJB: That’s a great question. This is what people can get to right away. Looking on in your life, whatever items you can choose, but something you’ve been tolerating, something you’ve been putting up with, something you’ve been putting off, something you’ve been ignoring or pretending about. It could be anything. It could be your closet in your bedroom. It could be your car. It could be those bills with taxes. Pick an item. One item that you’ve been tolerating and go handle it today.

I don’t mean like, “Oh, yeah! I want to do it in Thursday and next –” Handle it today. Take that item. Step up on your feet and go handle that item. Again, regardless of how you feel about that item [inaudible 00:53:41], I don’t know what I’m doing. I’m confused.” Get in there and get it handled.

Again, this is one of those things that has this accumulative effect. You’ll realize it after doing it, like you’re inspired to do another, and inspired to do another. So you want to make real change in your life. It begins by cleaning up some of the mess you’ve made. So there’s no point just going at the great stuff. Start cleaning up some mess. The more mess you clean up, you’ll realize the great stuff, things you thought you could do, start to get clearer and clearer. They come more into your field of vision and you’re more compelled to act on those things. Pick something simple. Pick something you’ve been tolerating and handle it.

[00:54:21] MB: Love it. That’s a great piece of homework for the listeners. For listeners who want to find more of your work, your books, etc., online, what is the best place for them to do that?

[00:54:32] GJB: You can find me on my website, garyjohnbishop.com. You can find me on Twitter @GaryJohnBishop. I’m on Instagram @GaryJohnBishop. You can find me on Facebook. One of the things that I’m really committed is that people get lots of free stuff. So I’m always putting stuff out online that will inspire you or cause you to think, really have you engage with that idea.

Obviously, on my website, you can buy any of my books. I’ve got a couple of courses on there. Courses are cheap. I don’t do this 99 bucks a month stuff. You can actually buy one of my courses that last for about 3-1/2 hours. You get all of the materials with it to do the course. It’ll cost you maybe – It depends. Something just sells on 75 bucks, 99 bucks for the course and you have the course for its entirety and you can do it as many times you’ll like. So I’m committed that people get to interact with me and participate with my work at a kind of cost that doesn’t require them, I guess, like a job or something.

[00:55:27] MB: Well, Gary, thank you so much for coming on the show, for sharing all these wisdom, some really insightful ideas and thoughts and examples and a great piece of action for the listeners to take after they listen to this episode.

[00:55:39] GJB: Awesome. Thanks for having me.

[00:55:41] MB: Thank you so much for listening to the Science of Success. We created this show to help you, our listeners, master evidence-based growth. I love hearing from listeners. If you want to reach out, share your story, or just say hi, shoot me an e-mail. My e-mail is matt@successpodcast.com. That’s M-A-T-T@successpodcast.com. I’d love to hear from you and I read and respond to every single listener e-mail.

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May 09, 2019 /Lace Gilger
Focus & Productivity, Decision Making
Dr. Daniel Lieberman-01.png

Never Satisfied? Always Feel Like You’re Chasing The Next Thing? Here’s Why with Dr. Daniel Z. Lieberman

April 25, 2019 by Lace Gilger in Focus & Productivity

Have you ever desperately wanted something, and then as soon as you get it, or as soon as you achieve it, you seemingly toss it aside and move on to the next new thing? In this episode we explore the powerful brain science behind why this happens. We look at dopamine, how it shapes your behavior, why it causes you to desire certain things and motivates you to achieve new things, but also why it can be dangerous if it becomes too imbalanced. We share strategies for enhancing and harmonizing with your brains “dopamine circuitry” and much more in this interview with Dr. Daniel Z. Lieberman. 

Dr. Daniel Z. Lieberman is a professor at George Washington University. He has published over 50 scientific reports on behavioral science and provided insight on psychiatric issues for the U.S. Government. He is also co-author of the best-selling book Molecule of More, which discusses the effect dopamine has on the human desire and the human brain.

  • The simple concept of “up versus down” and how it cascades through the way we all live and interact in the world 

  • The “paripersonal” space - everything within arms reach - things that you own, posses, and control. 

  • When you look “down” into the paripersonal space - you experience these things in “the here and now"

  • When you look “up” you look into the “extra personal space” - beyond yourself - things beyond the here and now that require effort, planning, and motivation to get, acquire, or achieve

  • The brain developed different pathways for “up” and “down” - different neural pathways for the here and now and the future

  • Living in the moment vs trying to make the future better

  • The up system is about acquiring more resources in the future 

  • The down system includes endorphins, oxytocin, serotonin and host of other molecules 

  • The up system is orchestrated almost exclusively by Dopamine

  • What does Dopamine feel like? What is the experience of getting a dopamine hit?

  • The idea of dopamine as the “reward molecule” is WRONG

  • Dopamine is not the molecule of reward, but rather the molecule of DESIRE and MOTIVATION 

  • Dopamine creates the feeling of needing something or wanting something in the future 

  • Dopamine is not just a feel good molecule, it can make us feel dissatisfied, it make us feel inadequate 

  • The 2 main dopamine pathways in the brain

    • The Desire Circuit - immediate gratification - goes off when you see a donut, or do a drug

    • The Control Circuit - responsible for looking farther into the future - long term planning and working with abstract concepts (like math, science, language, etc) 

  • People who are dopaminergic might have addictive personalities - excessively eating, gaming, watching porn, etc. 

  • Pointed in the right direction Dopamine can be productive, but it can also be dangerous

  • Those most able to afford the beach house are the least likely to enjoy it - because of dopamine 

  • A brain on dopamine is like a high performance sports car - it can produce spectacular results, but it breaks down easily 

  • Dopamine is a double edged sword - powerful achievement on the good side, and self destruction or deep lack of fulfillment on the other side 

  • What is a dopaminergic brain? A brain with a highly active dopamine system. 

  • Dopamine circuits tend to oppose the here and now circuit - you can’t be in both circuits at once

  • How does dopamine impact our love circuitry and our experience of love?

    • Passionate love - dopamine driven 

    • Companionship love - here and now driven 

  • All dopamine derived pleasures DON'T LAST - as soon as we what desire in the future becomes what we have in the present, dopamine shuts down - and achieving it becomes a let down

  • The idea that we can be deeply passionately in love for an extended period of time is simply wrong - it’s opposed to neurobiology

  • If you’re spending most of your time in the dopamine circuitry - you’re ALWAYS focused on WHATS NEXT

  • Understanding the brain is the most important thing we can do 

  • How do you shift into the “here and now” neurocircuitry?

    • Step one is awareness - what mode are you in right now?

    • Step two - ask yourself - what mode is appropriate for this moment or experience?

  • Pay more attention to:

    • Sensory experience

      • Focus on your feet, focus on contact wit the ground

    • Emotional experience

      • Attach words to the emotions your experiencing can help bridge the gap

  • Highly dopaminergic people like ideas, concepts, and tools - not emotions

  • Emotional intelligence is the perfect counterbalance to being highly dopaminergic

  • A more advanced strategy to spend more time in the here and now would be mindfulness meditation

  • Meditation is all about clearing your thoughts of future clutter and focusing like a laser on the here and now. Meditation strengthens the circuitry in the brain responsible for processing the here and now. When those circuits are strong it becomes easier to shift into them.

  • Daily mindfulness - focus on doing what it is you’re doing, rather than thinking about something else 

  • “When you’re carrying water, carry water."

  • Embrace your strengths, and live in a place of purpose 

  • "The Hedonic Paradox"

  • The desire circuit personified - the hedonist

    • Focused on pleasure

  • The control circuit personified - the workaholic

    • Focus on duty, very glum and grim, never finished with the work 

  • We function best when we can harmonize our brain circuitry - this makes us most effective and happiest 

  • How does dopamine shape our creativity and our creative thinking?

  • Homework: If you are dopaminergic - spend more time focused on the fine arts - fine arts are a great way to see the synthesis between dopamine circuitry and the here and now circuitry .

  • Bonus Homework: Take up a hobby that involves the creation of something. Painting, cooking, playing an instrument, woodworking. These hobbies have fallen out of favor in our modern world. If you want to get the most out of your brain - you have to appreciate its structure, which has been built up for millions of years of evolution. Find ways to do things with your hands. Tinkering, making things. When you’re engaged in a sport or physical activity you’re also harmonizing the here and now (moving your body) + using dopamine to develop strategies to score points and defeat your opponents.

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Want To Dig In More?! - Here’s The Show Notes, Links, & Research

General

  • Dr. Lieberman’s Website

  • Dr. Lieberman’s LinkedIn

  • Molecule of More Twitter

Media

  • [Article] Tonic - “There's a Chemical In Your Brain That Makes You Want More” by Shayla Love

  • [Book Review] The Molecule of More Reviewed by: Richard Cytowic

  • [Article] Georgetown Univ - “Entrepreneurs' Brains Are Wired Differently. Here's How to Use Yours Right.”  by Michael E. Long and Daniel Z. Lieberman

  • [Article] American Greatness - “Please, Sir, I Want the Molecule of More” By Ashley Hamilton

  • [Article] GW Medical Faculty Assoc. Profile - Daniel Lieberman, MD, FAPA

  • [Podcast] Radio MD - Encore Episode: Your Brain on Dopamine

  • [Podcast] Zestology - Love, Sex, Creativity, and Dopamine - Dr. Daniel Z. Lieberman #181

  • [Podcast] Harvesting Happiness - Afflicted and Addicted: Lusting to feel good and the global public health crisis of substance abuse with Dr. Daniel Z. Lieberman MD, Mike Long, and Travis Lupick

  • [Podcast] The Armen Show - 201: Dr. Daniel Z. Lieberman | Dopamine, Creativity, Love, And Progression In “The Molecule of More”

Videos

  • Book Trailer: The Molecule of More

  • TEDTalk - Dopamine: Driving Your Brain into the Future | Daniel Z. Lieberman | TEDxWilmingtonWomen

  • Good Morning Washington - Overcoming Seasonal Affective Disorder (S.A.D.) with Dr. Daniel Lieberman

  • CNN - The dangers of self-radicalization

  • GW MFA's Dr. Daniel Z. Lieberman on PTSD

  • Body Hub - 6 Effects Dopamine Has On The Body

  • Dr. Jockers - Boost Up Dopamine For Motivation and Focus

Books

  • [Book Website] Molecule of More

  • The Molecule of More: How a Single Chemical in Your Brain Drives Love, Sex, and Creativity—and Will Determine the Fate of the Human Race  by Daniel Z. Lieberman and Michael E. Long

  • Tales from the Palace of the Fairy King  by Daniel Z. Lieberman

Misc

  • [SoS Episode] The Skeptics Guide To Meditation With Dan Harris

  • [SoS Episode] Unleash The Power of Meditation

  • [SoS Episode Guide] Emotional Intelligence

  • [SoS Episode] The Ancient Molecule You Can Use To Unlock Peak Performance with Dr. Paul Zak

  • [SoS Episode] Stop Chasing Happiness and Do This Instead with Emily Esfahani Smith

Episode Transcript

[00:00:04.4] ANNOUNCER: Welcome to The Science of Success. Introducing your host, Matt Bodnar.

[0:00:11.8] MB: Welcome to the Science of Success; the number one evidence-based growth podcast on the internet with more than three million downloads and listeners in over a hundred countries.

Have you ever desperately wanted something? Then as soon as you get it, or as soon as you achieve it, you seemingly toss it aside and move on to the next new thing? In this episode, we explore the powerful brain science behind why this happens. We look at dopamine, how it shapes your behavior, why it causes you to desire certain things and motivates you to achieve new things, but also why it can be dangerous if it becomes too imbalanced. We share strategies for enhancing and harmonizing with your brain’s dopamine circuity and much more in this interview with Dr. Daniel Z. Lieberman.

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Sign up for my e-mail list today by going to successpodcast.com and signing up right on the home page, or if you're on the go, if you're on your phone right now, it's even easier. Just text the word “smarter”, that's S-M-A-R-T-E-R to the number 44-222. I can't wait to show you all the exciting things you'll get when you sign up and join the e-mail list.

In our previous episode, we discussed trauma and how it is stored in your body, what causes trauma and what does it do to the body? We explored whether the rational thinking mind can deal with trauma and looked at some of the ways you can deal with traumatic experiences in your life. What are the best strategies for feeling safe, feeling calm and feeling in control of your own body? How do you release trauma from your body and feel safe? We discussed al this and much more in our previous episode with Dr. Bessel van der Kolk. If you want to understand how to deal with trauma and feel comfortable in your body, listen to that episode.

Now for our interview with Daniel.

[0:03:15.5] MB: Today, we have another exciting guest on the show, Dr. Daniel Z. Lieberman. Dan is a professor at George Washington University. He's published over 50 scientific reports on behavioral science and provided insights on psychiatric issues to the US government. He's also the co-author of the best-selling book, Molecule of More, which discusses the effect of dopamine on human desire and human brain. Dan, welcome to the Science of Success.

[0:03:41.2] DL: Great to be here, Matt.

[0:03:43.0] MB: We're very excited to have you on the show today. Dopamine is such a fascinating topic and I'm pumped to dig into it.

[0:03:49.8] DL: Fantastic.

[0:03:52.2] MB: To start out, you open up the book and I know some of you – I think your TED talk as well, this idea around the simple concept of up versus down and how that can shine a light on the way that dopamine works in the brain. I'd love to hear you explain that for the audience.

[0:04:08.4] DL: It sounds like such a simple concept, up versus down. In fact, it has tons of ramifications for how we view the world and how we interact with the world. It comes about from evolution. From an evolutionary standpoint, there is a very fundamental difference between things that you have and things that you don't have, but you need.

Now things that you have are really in the realm of down, because when you look down, you're looking into what scientists call the peri-personal space; just space around you, basically everything within arm's reach. These are things that you own. They are things that you possess and control. When you look down into the peri-personal space, what you do with those things is you use them, you enjoy them, you appreciate them.

Essentially, you experience them in what in the book we call the here and now. When you look up by contrast, you're looking out into what's called the extra personal space. That's the world beyond your arm's reach. If there's something in the extra personal space that you need, that you want, that you desire, it's not going to happen in the here and now. It's going to happen in the future and it's going to require some efforts and motivation, maybe even some planning.

Because this difference between what you have and what you don't is so fundamental for our survival, in fact the old saying if you have, whether you don't to our evolutionary ancestors, was possibly if you have it or you're dead. Because of this crucial difference, the brain developed different pathways for up and down, different pathways for appreciating and joining the things what we have in the present moment, as opposed to going after those things that we need. That difference and the brain chemicals and structures involved with it is really what the whole book is about.

[0:06:07.2] MB: Such a fascinating distinction. The ramifications of this seemingly simple idea are really widespread.

[0:06:17.0] DL: They are. They are. It's the fundamental difference between living in the moment, enjoying what we have, using our senses, interacting with other people, as opposed to trying to make the future better. The up circuits are really about maximizing future resources, making sacrifices right now to make things better in the future.

[0:06:39.5] MB: I want to dig into each of these obviously, well I know the answer to one of these questions, but tell me about the different neural pathways of the up circuitry and the down circuitry and what neuro chemicals are involved in each of these.

[0:06:54.6] DL: The down circuitry is orchestrated by chemicals that have to do with sensory experiences, moods and interpersonal relationships. You've probably heard of some of these. For example, serotonin, norepinephrine, oxytocin, which orients us to social relationships, as well as endorphins and endocannabinoids, which are the enjoyment, pleasure and satisfaction molecules. Those are all for processing what happens in the here and now.

When we turn our attention to the future though, our thoughts, our brain patterns are orchestrated by one single molecule and that's dopamine. That's what we call the molecule of more.

[0:07:42.4] MB: That's really fascinating. You have a chemical cocktail that regulates the down system and yet, dopamine – and correct me if I phrase this wrong, but either singularly or essentially singularly controls the up system.

[0:07:57.1] DL: That's right. The brain is so complicated and everything we say about the brain is inevitably going to be an oversimplification. You know what? I choose determine, orchestrates the activity of the brain when we're in the up situation. It guides things along, it takes control, but it requires help from other neurotransmitters. It's the most important for sure and it's the one that really chooses the goals and sends us in that direction.

[0:08:27.6] MB: What are the implications of having dopamine be the primary molecule that regulates our up system and impacts the way we think about the future?

[0:08:39.9] DL: Well, I think to answer that question, it helps to think about how dopamine feels subjectively. People who are familiar with it tend to think of it in a little bit of a simplified way and that is as the reward molecule, or the pleasure molecule. Dopamine becomes active when we do things, or experience things that make our future a little bit better, perhaps a little bit more secure. This can involve eating food when we're hungry, engaging in sex, winning competitions, discovering new opportunities. That's really just the tip of the iceberg. It's not so much a molecule of reward as a molecule of desire and motivation.

The same structure that gives us that feeling of euphoria when something good happens is also responsible for the feeling of craving. When we feel that something good is out there and it could be drugs, it could be a doughnut, it could be some extra sleep, it could be spending some time with somebody that we want to have a relationship with, it could be working on a project. It creates that feeling of being unfulfilled. That gives us the motivation to pursue it, even though it's going to involve hard work and possibly some sacrifices.

[0:09:57.5] MB: This idea that we commonly hear that dopamine is the reward molecule is wrong?

[0:10:03.7] DL: I don't know if I would call it wrong exactly, but it's certainly an oversimplification. I think, it's much more accurate to talk about dopamine, really being about maximizing future resources. Sometimes that feels good, such as when we get rewarded for doing something helpful, getting a raise, getting a promotion.

It can also feel good when we're desiring something. If we want to buy a new car and we're doing all kinds of research on the internet, if we're going on vacation and we're looking at attractions to visit, or hotels to stay at, that all feels good. Dopamine is not just a feel-good molecule. Sometimes it doesn't feel good at all. It can make us feel dissatisfied. It can make us feel inadequate. It can make us feel that life is simply not good enough, and we've got to kick ourselves in the butt, so to speak, and try to do things that will make our life better.

[0:11:00.1] MB: I wanted to get into all that much more deeply. Before we dive into the good and the bad implications of dopamine, I'm curious how dopamine – and perhaps this question will start to bring us to that answer, but I'm curious how dopamine interacts with having an addictive personality. What's the relationship between dopamine and addiction?

[0:11:25.2] DL: In the book, we focus on two main dopamine pathways in the brain; one we call the desire circuit. That one is after immediate gratification. That's going to go off when you see a doughnut, or when a drug addict thinks about cocaine or heroin or some other drug of abuse. The other only called the control circuit, and that one is responsible for looking farther into the future than the desire circuit. That one is responsible for long-term planning. It's also responsible for working with abstract concepts.

Abstract concepts are related to this idea of up, because they represent abstract ideas, possibilities, things that don't yet have a concrete reality. It includes things like math, scientific concepts, language and that thing. Some people can be very dopaminergic and they can have strong control and desire pathways. Other people will have a preference for one or the other.

People who have addictive personalities often have very, very strong desire pathways. They may orient their life around seeking pleasure. This can involve drugs of course. It can also involve behavioral addictions too, like excessive gaming, excessive use of pornography, really anything that gives that instant gratification.

There are advantages to having a strong dopamine desire system if it is pointed in the right direction. It can give us energy and motivation that helps us accomplish things. At the same time, it can make us vulnerable to developing these kinds of addictions.

[0:13:09.2] MB: I want to explore this notion, or figure out how we can harness dopamine to be more productive and spend more time in the control circuit. I think a fascinating way to explore this would be looking at the story of Buzz Aldrin.

[0:13:25.0] DL: Yes. Second man to walk on the moon. His life appears as if he has a very, very strong dopamine system, both the desire circuit and the control circuit. Obviously, it takes an enormous amount of dopamine to get yourself on the moon. It takes dedication, planning, the ability to sacrifice present comfort for future gain. In the case of Buzz Aldrin, it seems it may have gone a little bit too far.

We tell the story about when he returns back to earth and people are saying, “What did it feel like to walk on the moon?” He said, “We didn't have feelings. We weren't focused on what we felt. We were just focusing on getting the mission done.” They asked him about, “What does it feel like to have accomplished this incredibly historic mission? He said, “It was just something that we did. Now we have to do something else.”

It really reflects his ability to enjoy the things that he worked so hard for. His dopamine system apparently was so strong that it couldn't allow him to bask in the applause. It always had to be about what's next. Problem is that if you've walked on the moon, what's next becomes an extremely difficult problem. That may partially have contributed to what happened to him after he returned to earth. He started drinking a great deal of alcohol, he became an alcoholic, he got depressed, he was admitted to a psychiatric inpatient unit, he got married and divorced three times. Really, once he no longer had that jolly admission of getting himself to the moon, his life fell apart.

[0:15:12.1] MB: I feel that's a pattern that we see oftentimes with high achievers; people who accomplish this massive goal and then feel a sense of emptiness after the fact.

[0:15:25.2] DL: I think that's true. The irony is that the guy who's most able to afford the beach house is going to be the least able to enjoy it. The people who are entrepreneurial, creative have enormous talents and make great contributions to humankind are the exact same people who are unable to enjoy the rewards that they've worked so hard to accomplish.

We may look at these people and we may experience a sense of envy. We look at all the money that they have, the cars that they drive, the beautiful people that they date, but I don't think we need to be all that envious of them. They may serve the human race in very important ways, but oftentimes, they are very, very unhappy people.

It sometimes comes as a shock when we read about some of these most successful people, these most successful celebrities committing suicide and we say, “Why is it that this person who has everything is going to want to end their life?” One possible answer is that they are very, very unhappy and having this highly-tuned, high-performing brain comes at a cost. In the book, we compare it to a high-performance sports car. It's capable of doing amazing things, but at the same time it's also very liable to breakdown.

[0:16:49.9] MB: In some sense, dopamine is a double-edged sword. It leads to powerful achievement when it's harnessed positively, but can cause self-destruction, or a deep lack of fulfillment and satisfaction.

[0:17:02.1] DL: I think that's very true. I think that in our modern society, we tend to ignore the second one. There's so much emphasis placed on achievement and productivity and also creativity. That's not to say that these are not wonderful, wonderful things, but there's a lot less emphasis spent on human relationships, being able to enjoy the good things that we've worked for and the simple issue of happiness. I think that that really creates this bias for us to pursue a better future while neglecting pretty much everything that we have in the present moment.

[0:17:43.7] MB: I have two questions that come out of that. The first is the simple idea, how can we – and I personally relate to this. I think I'm somebody who has a very – correct me if I say this incorrectly, but dopaminergic brain, which I'd love to actually get a quick definition of that for the listeners. As somebody who has a deep dopamine – a lot of dopamine to my brain, for lack of a better way to phrase it, how do I and how do listeners who feel the same way appreciate life and get that satisfaction and spend more time in what we called earlier the down circuitry?

[0:18:19.7] DL: Well, let me start out by defining the dopaminergic brain. It's really quite simple. It simply means a brain that has a highly active dopamine system. There are a number of different genes that can lead to this. There are genes for dopamine receptors; those are proteins in the brain that respond to the chemical. There are genes that process dopamine. They can be more active or less active. There's a host of other genes as well.

If you have one of these genes, or perhaps a combination of them, it's going to make your dopamine system more active. It's going to give you all kinds of wonderful abilities; creativity, drive, motivation. At the same time, the dopamine circuits tend to oppose the here-and-now circuits and vice versa.

Generally, you are in an upstate focusing on accomplishments in the future, or you're in a down state enjoying the present. It's rather hard to be in both. People who have these dopaminergic genes are going to have more difficulty with the downstate.

You asked what can you do about it. Well, maybe rather than talking about this in a general abstract sense, we might take a concrete example from the book. The first chapter is about love. One of the points we make in this chapter is that there are really two kinds of love. There's passionate love and companionate love. Passionate love is a dopaminergic love and it's what we talk about when we say being in love. This is one of the most intense experiences in life. When one is in love, we are absolutely obsessed with our partner and we want more time with them, we just want more of them in every way and we're very much focused on the future.

When you're in love, it feels the future is going to be living in a fantasy land; everything is going to be perfect. Everything is going to be wonderful. That's a terrific experience. The problem with it is that it doesn't last. I hope we'll be able to go into this more, but that's the problem with all dopaminergic pleasures is that they don't last, because dopamine is only about the future. As soon as what we desire in the future becomes what we have in the present, dopamine shuts down. For people who are very dopaminergically focused, that can be a terrible, often unpleasant letdown.

Passionate love typically lasts about nine to 12 months and then it goes away. When that happens, relationships often come to an end. People mistakenly say, “Well, since I'm not feeling this passionate love anymore, it must mean the relationship is done. It must mean this is not the right person for me,” but that's simply not true. What's happening is a simple neurobiology.

At that point, in order for love to last, it's got to switch over to companionate love. That's a here-and-now phenomenon. Companionate love is more associated with not the excitement of passionate love, but a calm, serene feeling of satisfaction and fulfillment. Ideally, that's the way couples are going to feel when they've been together for many years. It's an intense feeling of satisfaction of having another person's life deeply entwined with your own. That's a more difficult love to achieve, but I think it's also a more mature love and ultimately, a more fulfilling kind.

When you're in a relationship with someone and you're experiencing this passionate attachment to them, I think it helps to repair yourself for when the companionate phase is going to start. You try to appreciate not what being in love will mean for your future, but simply what it feels like to be with that other person. You try and pay attention to the characteristics of the other person that give you happiness and try to experience the fulfillment that you can get by being with a person who has become very important to you.

[0:22:50.4] MB: Such a fascinating exploration of the idea of love. I think so many people have that belief that if they don't have that passion and that explosiveness through an extended period of their relationship that something is wrong. I think you made a critical point, which is that it's simply how neurobiology works and how relationships develop over time.

[0:23:11.2] DL: It's such a common thing that psychotherapists see. Patients come in and they've gone from relationship to relationship to relationship and they don't understand why it always comes to an end. They don't understand why love fades. They're simply not realizing that it's not love that's fading, it's dopaminergic love that's fading. They're misinterpreting the change in the feelings.

[0:23:37.8] MB: That underscores a broader point, which is that any pleasures that derive from dopamine-driven achievement doesn't last. I know, I've personally had the experience of desperately wanting to achieve something. Then almost moments after I achieve it, I don't even bother celebrating. I don't even really care. I tossed it aside and then immediately want the next thing.

[0:24:02.9] DL: Yeah. If you get a raise at work, you're happy for one month, maybe two. Then it becomes the baseline. It becomes the same-old, same-old and we've got to pursue something else. A classic example is when you go on vacation. You spend weeks and weeks planning all of the different things you're going to see. Maybe you go to Italy and you go to some famous museum and you're standing in front of some of the most beautiful art that's ever been created and you're thinking about where you're going to go for dinner.

If you're too dopaminergic, it's always what's next. Some people don't even realize that they're not enjoying these things that they worked so hard for. When new opportunities become available to me, I notice my reaction. I notice my immediate impulse to jump for it, to say, “I want that shiny thing. I want something more. My life is not going to be fulfilled, unless I have it.”

When I got that feeling, I try to stop and think and imagine, “Okay, what will it be like if I actually get it? Am I going to enjoy the present experience of working on this project, of carrying this role, or this tidal, or is it just something shiny that looks good as long as it's off in the future?”

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[0:27:19.9] MB: For somebody who is very dopaminergic, how do we actively shift into that here and now circuitry and spend more time there?

[0:27:29.8] DL: I think the first step is to recognize where you are at any given moment. I think that that's one reason it's helpful to understand the neurobiology. People who are interested in cars, they know that if you understand what the engine is doing, you can drive the car better. The same is true of computers. If you have some idea of what's going on inside that case, you're going to be able to make better use of the tool.

Now there is no tool that is more important than your brain. I may be biased speaking from a psychiatrist point of view, but I think understanding the brain is the most important thing we can do. If you get a sense of what these circuits are doing, the control circuit of dopamine, the desire circuit of dopamine, as well as the here-and-now circuits, you can begin to recognize what mode you're in and then ask yourself, is this the ideal mode for me to be in in any given situation?

If you are at a party, or if you're socializing with someone, and instead of listening to what they're saying, you're thinking about what you're going to say next, or you're thinking about what you're going to do after the party. You can recognize you're in the wrong mode. You're not supposed to be in future mode when you're socializing, you're supposed to be in present mode, enjoying what's going on.

The first step is to recognize what mode you're in and then decide if that's the mode you want to be in. If you find yourself in a future mode when you should be in a present mode and you want to drop down into the present moment, it's good to focus on the things that are being orchestrated by the here-and-now chemicals. I think the most important of those are going to be sensory impressions and emotional experiences.

Pay attention to your senses. If you're talking to someone, really focus on the words that you're hearing. Look around you, what are you seeing? What are you smelling? What are you feeling? With regard to this metaphor of down, sometimes just focusing on your feet in contact with the floor or the ground is one of the most effective ways to pull yourself out of the clouds of dopamine thinking and down into the real world of here and now.

[0:29:57.6] MB: You said sensory experience. Tell me a little bit more about the emotional experience side and how we can get more in tune with the here and now emotionally.

[0:30:07.9] DL: Emotional experiences I think can be hard, especially for highly dopaminergic people. Highly dopaminergic people like ideas and concepts and tools. Emotions are a little bit touchy-feely, and sometimes they don't only neglect them, they actually actively avoid them, because they feel aversive.

I think that if you are the person who looks with disdain on touchy-feely things, or doesn't enjoy the way it feels, you've got to start out slowly, because it can be a little bit intimidating and a little bit overwhelming. I think just once in a while, you should try to attach words to the emotions that you're feeling. Because words are dopaminergic, they're concepts and ideas and that can help bridge the gap. You might start with some very simple things, “Am I happy or sad?” From there, you can move on and progressively become more sophisticated with your emotions.

Of course, while you do this you're going to be building what's called emotional intelligence. That's something that dopaminergic people often lack. Emotional intelligence may be as important for personal success and fulfillment as cognitive intelligence is. It's emotional intelligence that allows us to build strong relationships with other people. These are relationships are not only going to give us happiness and fulfillment in our life, there are also relationships that are going to help us get ahead in life, make connections and have ultimate success.

[0:31:51.2] MB: Such an important skill set. For listeners who want to dig much deeper into emotional intelligence, we have a whole category of episodes that explore that topic that we’ll make sure to throw into the show notes. Dan, we've got awareness, we've got paying more attention to sensory and emotional experiences, developing emotional intelligence. Are there any other tools or strategies that you recommend for people who are constantly in that dopamine circuitry to shift or to spend more time in the here and now?

[0:32:23.2] DL: If we want to talk about an advanced technique, something that may be more aspirational than possible for dopaminergic people, we would talk about mindfulness meditation. Meditation is all about clearing your thoughts of dopaminergic trash, thinking about what's next, what's in the future, and focusing like a laser on the here and now. In a way, it's almost like going to the gym and working out. It strengthens the circuits in the brain that are responsible for processing the here-and-now. When those circuits are strong, it becomes much easier to drop into them.

Meditation is extremely difficult. I struggle with them myself. I have a goal of meditating 10 minutes a day, which sounds like nothing. Boy, is it hard to do. It's hard to keep up that habit and it's not always the most pleasant thing to do, even though I know that it's very, very good for me.

If you do that, you can carry that over outside of your 10-minute meditation sessions into your daily life. What that looks like is what's called mindfulness. That is you try to focus on doing what it is you're doing, rather than thinking about something else. There is a famous Zen saying, “When you're carrying water, carry water.” It sounds very, very simple, but the fact of the matter is it's unusual for us to be paying full attention to the things that we're doing. If we can achieve that, it can lead to a great deal of spiritual growth and happiness in our lives.

[0:34:08.2] MB: I love that quote. It actually put a smile on my face. For some reason, remind me of another I believe Zen saying, which is just, “When hungry, eat. When tired, sleep.” It's so simple and yet, there's so much power in the simplicity and it's so easy for us to overlook it and get caught up in things and not do that.

[0:34:30.5] DL: Surprisingly when you try to do these very simple things, you find out that they're very difficult. I just want to go back to the exercising metaphor. That is that no matter how difficult it is in the beginning, if you stick with it, you get stronger in that area and it does progressively become easier.

[0:34:49.3] MB: What are some of the other either strategies or more broadly things that dopaminergic people can do so that they can flourish?

[0:34:59.9] DL: Well, I think that it's important to not pay attention only to your weaknesses. If we are good at five things and bad at one thing, our tendency is to focus on that one thing we're bad at. The idea is if we can bring that one up, then we'll be good at everything. Psychological research suggests that that might not be the best way to go. We may actually make more progress by focusing on our strengths.

Being all dopamine all the time is certainly not a recipe for happiness. At the same time, people who are very dopaminergic should appreciate their dopaminergic strengths. They are going to probably make very substantial contributions to people around them. They may be creative, they may be diligent, they may be conscientious, they may not be happy, but living a happy life is not the only good life there is. There's also a life of purpose that is focused on doing things that are important.

I would say that to some degree, dopaminergic people should embrace their strengths and they should think about what's important to them and what do they want to accomplish in their life and what can their energy, their intelligence, their focus and their enthusiasm bring to that task?

[0:36:20.7] MB: That's a great point. We have another interview that I'll throw into the show notes with Emily Esfahani Smith, where we talk about this idea of the difference between purpose and happiness and how oftentimes, chasing happiness can make us less happy. When we pursue meaning and purpose and things that create meaning and purpose in our lives, it creates a much more long-term, sustainable feeling that's more substantive than the emptier idea of just happiness.

[0:36:49.4] DL: It's such an important idea and it's so counterintuitive. If we want to feel good, we say, “All right, let me pursue pleasure. Let me go out and have a drink, or a good meal, or buy something at the store.” It doesn't make us happy, because the dopamine science tells us that as soon as we get that thing, it's not going to make us happy anymore. We're going to need to move on to the next. I don't know if your guests used the term, but did she talk about the hedonistic paradox?

[0:37:16.6] MB: Is that the same thing as the hedonistic treadmill?

[0:37:19.3] DL: Maybe. The paradox says that just what you said, if you pursue things that you think will make you happy, they will not. If you try to make other people happy though, you will become happy.

[0:37:31.2] MB: That's great. I haven't heard that phrase that way, but that's a really simple description of something that is very powerful.

[0:37:38.1] DL: Yeah. If you want to be happy, best thing to do is make somebody else happy.

[0:37:42.8] MB: I want to circle back to the difference between the desire circuitry and the control circuitry within the dopamine system, for lack of a better term. Is there any merit to when – we talked at length about this idea of switching into and spending more time to here and now, is there any merit or any strategies or tools to spend more time on the control side of that dopamine circuit, as opposed to the desire side?

[0:38:10.6] DL: I think so. In order to clarify the difference, let me paint a picture of two people; one who's strong in one and one who's strong in the other. If we look at somebody who has a very strong, perhaps pathologically overwhelming desire circuit, this is going to be the hedonist. We talk about that person who pursues wine, women and song. They want to go out to clubs. They love eating good food. They want to have sex with lots of different partners. They're never satisfied. They always need more. They're probably even at high risk of developing an addiction. That's the hedonist with a strong desire circuit.

By contrast, somebody who has a perhaps pathologically overwhelming control circuit is going to be the workaholic. They’re someone who's not so interested in pleasure, but they're always focused on duty. They're very, very conscientious, but they tend to be a little bit glum, grim, they're never finished with their work, while everyone else has gone home to spend time with family and friends, they're still at the office putting the final touches on the report.

That gives you the distinction between the two in high contrast terms. If we look at somebody who integrates both of them, that's probably going to be someone who is creative. They get very excited about an idea. It could be something in the arts, but it could just as well be something in technology, or even developing a new sales strategy. Whatever it is, they're able to come up with new ideas, develop an enormous amount of enthusiasm about these ideas and then have the discipline of their control circuit to make that abstract idea a concrete reality.

I don't think we want to say that one is better than the other. It's the same thing with dopamine versus here and now. We function best when we can harmonize these circuits and allow the strengths of one to support the strengths of the other.

[0:40:20.9] MB: Great point. Really, really good point. I love this idea of harmonizing and balancing, not only within the dopamine circuit between the ideas of control and desire, but even balancing the dopamine circuitry versus the here-and-now circuitry. Or balancing and harmonizing it one another.

[0:40:39.9] DL: That's going to make us most effective and happiest. It's important to remember that nobody's going to be good at everything. Most people are going to have a preference for one to the other, and we need to be careful not to beat ourselves up, because we are not perfectly balanced. Highly dopaminergic people do tend to beat themselves up, because they're constantly criticizing themselves saying they're not good enough, they've got to improve in all kinds of different ways.

There's nothing wrong with being aspirational. There's nothing wrong with wanting to be a better, more competent, kinder person. We've got to go at it in a realistic way and understand that we'll probably make the most progress if we're able to be gentle with ourselves.

[0:41:25.9] MB: Tell me a little bit more about how dopamine impacts or shapes our creativity.

[0:41:33.9] DL: Dopamine being the molecule of the future, is about things that don't yet exist. It's about things that are possible. That's what creativity is about. One definition of creativity is being able to make connections between things that had previously appeared to be unconnected. When our desire dopamine circuit is very active, we tend to be very good at paying attention to novel and unusual things in our environment. It's seeing these unusual things and coming up with a connection between the two of them that leads to creativity. That does seem to be a function of the desire circuit.

[0:42:25.6] MB: For listeners who want to – who resonate with what we've been talking about, who want to concretely take some steps to harmonize their brains, to spend maybe more time in the here-and-now circuitry, what would be one action item, or piece of homework that you would give them to start specifically implementing some of these themes and ideas?

[0:42:49.3] DL: I would say a good place to begin is maybe to increase their exposure to the fine arts. The fine arts are probably the best example there is of the harmonization of the dopamine and the here-and-now. The dopamine is responsible for the inspiration that gives the artist the idea to create something new. Then the here-and-now is translating that inspiration into something concrete that stimulates the senses whether it's the ears with a piece of music, or the eyes with a painting, but stimulates the senses which are linked to the here-and-now circuits in important ways.

Now a little bit more ambitious would be to take up a hobby that involves the creation of something. That could be painting, it could be playing an instrument, it could be woodworking, maybe it's cooking. These are things that have really fallen out in our modern world. Very few people engage in woodworking. I remember my father used to have a woodworking bench in the basement, and all my friends’ fathers did too; they would fix things, they would do things with their hands. Now we don't fix things anymore. We just throw them away. We don't build things. We buy things that are already made.

There are advantages to that, it certainly saves us a lot of time, but that's not the way our brains evolved. If we want to get the most out of our brains, we've got to appreciate their inherent structure, a structure that has been built up through millions of years of evolution. I would suggest that people take a second look at finding ways to do things with their hands.

We see a little bit, I don't know if you're familiar with the maker culture, where people like to tinker with electronics, they like to make cool things. I think that that's a great development that speaks exactly to this need for harmonizing the different circuits in the brain.

[0:45:00.2] MB: What a great piece of homework. I resonate with that, because drawing is something that I've taken up recently, or probably about a year ago. I really like the way that it synthesizes multiple different parts of my brain.

[0:45:16.8] DL: Sports is another one. I'm not particularly athletic, and so it's not something that's at the front of my mind. When you're playing a sport, you're harmonizing as well. You're using your here-and-now circuits to move your body in very, very specific ways. At the same time, you're using dopamine to develop strategies, to score points and defeat your opponent. Playing games and sports is another good way to accomplish that.

[0:45:42.6] MB: For listeners who want to find out more about you, your book, your work, etc., what is the best place for them to find you online?

[0:45:50.4] DL: They can go to my website danielzlieberman.com. It's got information on some of the other work that I've done, as well as a lot of information on the book.

[0:46:00.0] MB: Well Dan, thank you so much for coming on the show, for sharing all this wisdom. Personally, it really resonated with me as I think I'm certainly someone who spends a lot of time in my dopamine circuitry and I'm excited about some of the solutions and ideas that you've shared.

[0:46:16.0] DL: Thanks so much, Matt. It's been a pleasure.

[0:46:18.5] MB: Thank you so much for listening to the Science of Success. We created this show to help you, our listeners master evidence-based growth. I love hearing from listeners. If you want to reach out, share your story, or just say hi, shoot me an e-mail. My e-mail is matt@successpodcast.com. That’s M-A-T-T@successpodcast.com. I’d love to hear from you and I read and respond to every single listener e-mail.

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Don't forget, if you want to get all the incredible information we talked about in the show, links transcripts, everything we discussed and much more, be sure to check out our show notes. You can get those at successpodcast.com, just hit the show notes button right at the top.

Thanks again, and we'll see you on the next episode of the Science of Success.

April 25, 2019 /Lace Gilger
Focus & Productivity
Charles Byrd-01.png

Evernote Secrets That Will Help You Develop a “Photographic Memory” & A Powerful “External Brain” with Charles Byrd

April 02, 2019 by Lace Gilger in Creativity & Memory, Focus & Productivity

In this interview we discuss how to create an “external brain” that lets you keep track of your tasks, projects, ideas and inspirations - while freeing your conscious mind for the most productive and focused thinking - we explore how you can connect the external world of meetings and events with your internal world of ideas and thoughts in a uniquely powerful way, and we demonstrate how you can save up to 144 hours a year using a few simple techniques with our guest Charles Byrd.

Charles Byrd is a productivity and organizational expert and the founder of Byrd Word. He’s known as the world’s foremost Evernote guru.  As a productivity expert, Charles coaches CEOs and entrepreneurs how to "Kill the Chaos" of information overload.  

  • Evernote is a “trusted system” you can apply to your life, profession, business etc. 

  • Creating an “external brain” to keep track of your tasks, projects, ideas, inspiration

  • The powerful merger of collecting things from your internal worlds and external world and connecting them 

  • Your “5 second superpower” - find whatever you want or need in 5 seconds or less 

  • Do you use Evernote for one “specific thing” instead of everything? 

  • How you can find key information you need in high pressure and difficult situations 

  • How you can cut down on task switching 

  • How you can be more focused and creative by taking processing load out of your conscious mind 

  • How to tag things in Evernote for instant and easy recall

  • Who, What, Where Why 

  • How to hack Siri shortcuts to amp the power of Evernote to the next level

  • The “Power Trifecta” - a combination of tools, work flows, and habits to create the most optimized routines possible 

  • Simple tactics you can use to start adding things to Evernote right away 

  • “Do I need it, do I dig it?"

  • How to begin with Evernote if you’ve always wanted to, but aren’t sure where to start

  • How you can save 3 hours a week using Evernote - that’s 144 hours a year - 18 working days of reclaimed time

  • Create a Siri shortcut for master list and marketing idea notes

  • How you can feel like a rock star who can do anything 

  • How to hack meetings to be more productive 

  • Click the “Task” Checkbox on any action items you have within a meeting or conversation

    1. Write a 1-2 sentence summary of the meeting and any key action items 

  • Evernote is the “cornerstone” of productive sanity 

  • Evernote is the foundation of being productive in the modern day

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This Episode of The Science of Success is brought to you by our friends at Skillshare!

Skillshare is an online learning community tailored for creators and doers! With more than 25,000 classes in design, business, and more! You’ll discover countless ways to fuel your curiosity, creativity, and career. Take classes in everything from social media marketing, mobile photography, creative writing, or even illustration.

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That’s two months of unlimited access to all these amazing resources absolutely for free! Just got to www.skillshare.com/success and get started today!

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Want To Dig In More?! - Here’s The Show Notes, Links, & Research

General

  • Charles’s Personal Website

  • Charles’s LinkedIn

  • Charles’s Site Byrd Word

  • Byrd Word Facebook & Twitter

Media

  • [Article] Project Management Hacks “How Charles Byrd Gets It Done: Project Management & Networking Tips” by editor

  • [Course] Zero to 60 w/ Evernote

  • [Podcast] Mitch Russo - How To Apply Evernote In Business And Life with Charles Byrd

  • [Podcast] Productivity Masterminds - Ep 16: Charles Byrd - Understanding and Using the Power Trifecta

  • [Podcast] Tathra Street - TP 24: Charles Byrd Evernote Guru

  • [Podcast] Productivity Academy - Episode 9 – Diving Deeper – Evernote And Focus With Charles Byrd

  • [Podcast] The Productivityist Podcast: Demystifying Evernote with Charles Byrd

  • [Podcast] Build Your Network - 045: NETWORKING WITH OPEN EARS AND ADDING VALUE WITH CHARLES BYRD

Videos

  • Charles’s Youtube Channel

  • Going Paperless with Evernote

  • Charles’s Byrd Word Vimeo Channel

    • [LIVE] Kill the Chaos! With Caitlin Pyle & Charles Byrd on 4-5

  • Byrd Word - 2015 Charles Byrd Speaks at ICG San Francisco

  • Elite Online Publishing - How to use Evernote to organize your Life - Charles Byrd

  • Nicole Holland - Charles Byrd Explains The Beautiful Roller Coaster of Awesomeness

  • Mirasee - Course Builder’s Laboratory - Success Story - Charles Byrd

Misc

[Training Webinar] - Kill The Chaos: Host Matt Bodnar of The Science of Success Welcomes Charles Byrd

Episode Transcript

[00:00:04.4] ANNOUNCER: Welcome to The Science of Success. Introducing your host, Matt Bodnar.

[0:00:11.8] MB: Welcome to the Science of Success; the number one evidence-based growth podcast on the internet with more than three million downloads and listeners in over a hundred countries.

Welcome to a special bonus episode of Science of Success. We’re releasing this, because it’s a topic that I’m super passionate about and lots of listeners will get a ton of value from, but it’s not part of our regularly scheduled programming. Stay tuned on Thursday for a normal episode of the show.

In this interview, we discuss how to create an external brain that lets you keep track of your tasks, projects, ideas and inspiration while freeing your conscious mind for the most productive and focused thinking that you can do. We explore how you can connect the external world of meetings and events with your internal world of ideas and thoughts in a uniquely, powerful way.

We demonstrate how you can save up to a 144 hours a year using a few, simple techniques with our guest, Charles Byrd.

I’m going to tell you why you’ve been missing out on some incredibly cool stuff if you haven’t signed up for our e-mail list yet. All you have to do to sign up is to go to successpodcast.com and sign up right on the home page.

On top of tons subscriber-only content, exclusive access and live Q&As with previous guests, monthly giveaways and much more. I also created an epic free video course just for you. It's called How to Create Time for What Matters Most Even When You're Really Busy. E-mail subscribers have been raving about this guide.

You can get all of that and much more by going to successpodcast.com and signing up right on the home page, or by texting the word smarter to the number 44-222 on your phone. If you like what I do on Science of Success, my e-mail list is the number one way to engage with me and go deeper on what I discuss on the show, including free guides, actionable takeaways, exclusive content and much, much more.

Sign up for my e-mail list today by going to successpodcast.com and signing up right on the home page, or if you're on the go, if you're on your phone right now, it's even easier. Just text the word “smarter”, that's S-M-A-R-T-E-R to the number 44-222. I can't wait to show you all the exciting things you'll get when you sign up and join the e-mail list.

[0:02:53.1] MB: Today, we have another exciting guest on the show, Charles Byrd. Charles is a productivity and organizational expert and the founder of the Byrd Word. He’s known as one of the world’s four most Evernote gurus. As a productivity expert, Charles coaches CEOs and entrepreneurs on how to kill the chaos of information overload.

Charles, welcome to the Science of Success.

[0:03:13.7] CB: Thanks for having me, Matt.

[0:03:15.7] MB: Well, we're really excited to have you on the show today. It's funny, I'm super pumped to have you especially because I'm so passionate about Evernote and longtime listeners have absolutely heard me talk about this, share this, etc., Listeners may not know this, but I actually sought you out Charles and basically said, “This guy's one of the world's top experts on Evernote and I wanted to bring him here and share with everybody at Science of Success how powerful and impactful Evernote can be.”

[0:03:44.0] CB: Yeah. It's an honor to be here and I'm excited to dive into some of the topics that will help both save people time and reduce their stress at the same time.

[0:03:54.7] MB: Awesome. I mean, I've had such a tremendously powerful impact from my life from using Evernote. The funny thing is I have multiple Evernote tabs open even right now and during any interview to keep track of my interview questions and all the notes and comments and show notes from the conversation. Even in real time right now, it's basically an ever-present thing in my entire life and helps organize pretty much everything that I do.

[0:04:20.1] CB: I'm with you, man. I've got a note up right now and it's tagged with your name, it's tagged with Science of Success, it's tagged with podcast. You're right, every single meeting, every idea popping into my head at random hours, on jogs, or here or there, it's always around, even from the first thing when I wake up, I do a four-minute Tabata workout and it's a YouTube link, right? I don't want to look that thing up every morning, so I've used Siri shortcuts in Evernote, so I simply press the button and say, “Tabata workout,” it pulls up that Evernote note, which has a link to the YouTube video. From the second I roll out of bed throughout my day, it’s ever-present.

[0:05:11.1] MB: Well, you're already dropping some seriously tactical knowledge and I want to get into that. It's funny, I even will wake up in the middle of the night sometimes and just jot ideas down in Evernote that I've been thinking of. Then the next morning, I'll get up and categorize and file those and figure out how they apply to whatever I'm working on.

[0:05:30.0] CB: Yeah. I do the same thing. I was working on this rebranding exercise. I'm coming up with all these name combinations and checking the domains. Yeah, last night, I don't know, it's probably 4:30 in the morning, like three new names pop in my head, I grab my phone, capture them and then keep reviewing them in the morning. What it is is part of a system that you trust and it's always there for you. When you know exactly how to apply it to your life, your profession, your business, it starts really empowering you and it just becomes a second part of your consciousness. It's like an external memory that's always interfacing with your internal systems.

[0:06:16.1] MB: It's exactly the way I was going to describe it. I view it as an external brain basically that keeps track of everything I want to keep track of and I only have to make sure that one information gets into it and two, be able to pull information out of it at the right time. I think that system, or that idea maybe it was either originally from, or got popularized by GTD, getting things done, which was this notion of build a trusted system as you said and then input information in the system and execute on the outputs of the system.

You can save a tremendous amount of cognitive load and processing power, simply by having the system do the bulk that work and you don't have to worry about it and constantly keep everything juggling in your head.

[0:06:59.1] CB: Yeah. I was fortunate to have David Allen on my show over the summer. I got to talk with him about this stuff. One of the things I just adore about using Evernote is it gives you a place to capture stuff from your own mind, the ideas that are popping in your head, your task list starting to form projects, you're the source of that information, even if it's taking photographs, or adding in attachments, or things you've made. Plus it lets you collect everything from the outside world from paper documents, receipts, forms on the cell, on the phone at working at home.

It lets you have one simple system that collects both your internal and external worlds from e-mails and paper documents and all of that in one place. Then I'm sure we'll dive into it here as well. When you learn how to recognize something's interesting or important and capture it and then tag it appropriately, that is the framework for finding whatever you need in five seconds, which I call your five-second superpower.

[0:08:08.3] MB: That's such a great way to think about it. I truly believe Evernote is a superpower. I mean, it's something that absolutely helps me keep track of everything and it's funny, longtime listeners of the show will definitely remember and think back and may even have a copy of this still, but one of the first, if not the first free giveaways that we ever created for the Science of Success listeners was a guide called How to Organize and Remember Everything.

I'm somebody who's known amongst, especially with my friends and stuff for having an amazing memory, or always being able to pull up an article, or a book, or whatever and keeping even all the books that I read. I keep this huge array of book notes and summaries and mind maps and all this information. That free guide or free giveaway was something that I was so passionate about that topic that I created for the listeners. One of the cornerstones of that was to use Evernote. I totally agree. I think it's absolutely – if you apply it in the right way, it can become essentially a superpower.

[0:09:05.7] CB: Yeah, really. I worked in the Silicon Valley for 15 years. I was a director at a billion dollar software company. When I left there and wanted to create online trainings focused on productivity and streamlining, the whole array of from how to shape the most productive days, to the tools to use, to the mindsets involved, I listed out all the things I felt I could create trainings on and there was about 40 of them. Then I honed in, “Okay, what are you really good at?” It's ranked to 12. Then I just looked at that list and I asked myself, “What's been the most useful for me in all kinds of contexts, from managing projects with budgets of 5 million dollars to starting a company, to remodeling a house, to raising a family, Evernote was always the top of the list.”

I'm like, well, I've designed some pretty unique and useful workflows in Evernote. Why not try sharing that with people? Most people have heard of Evernote. Most people, three-fourths of your audience probably actually hire with yours already have Evernote on their phone and they're using it for a couple things here and there, but they're likely not power users like you are Matt, or like I am. They may be using it to capture things from Web Clipper.

A lot of people have a specific thing they use it for, but they don't have a tangible way to find whatever they need super quickly. I remember, I went down to San Jose once, ran into one of the VPs and he was like, “We're looking forward to your presentation.” I said, “Great. Yeah. Next Tuesday like usual.” He's like, “No, we need everything in half an hour.” I went back to my desk and I'm stressing, because the stuff was buried in all kinds of systems, on e-mail and SharePoint. I recall, that that was the catalyst for me. I was like, “I have to design a system where I can find things quickly, so I'm not in these stressful situations.”

Because part of having a system you trust saves you time, but really for me, the biggest value is just dialing back the stress level by quite a bit, because you know exactly how to capture things and how to find them exactly when you need them.

[0:11:27.8] MB: You made a couple good points. One of them is just this notion and I tell people and I come from a financial background, so I think of almost garbage in, garbage out when you're looking at a financial model or something like that. I tell people Evernote is the same way, it's garbage in, garbage out. If you put in bad information, or you don't really use it that much, then it's not the thing that you always know that you can turn to to get what you want out of it.

The flip-side of that is if it's your guiding light, or your center mass that you're always coming back to and you know that everything's in there. I'm the same way, I have everything from recipes to screenshots or photos of fashion that I like, of things that I want to put into my office, to business ideas, to meeting notes. I can pull up meeting notes from any meeting that I've had in the last probably seven years within 10 seconds, right? Or as you say, within five seconds once I tag them appropriately.

It's amazing. Once you commit to actually dedicating and focusing your time and energy into it, it becomes – it's not a linear increase in the effectiveness or the power that you got out of, it's an exponential increase.

[0:12:37.5] CB: It is. From business context to just everyday life, like our fridge is making noise the other day and just to paint two different scenarios; one, you just open – call to get repairs and they want the receipt. Just search for the tag receipt and the tag fridge and have instantly, or the alternative is where the hell's the receipt, digging through drawers, looking through e-mails, spending two hours hunting for something that it's time you didn't have to start with.

Just psychologically, if you put yourself in pressured situations and you're not able to focus on what's actually important, because you're wasting time finding something, it's necessary but not quite as important, it's just stealing time from your higher priorities. Having a place to capture things and find them exactly when you need them saves you too from wasting time task-switching as well, because you're just more fluid in everything you do. I'm sure you’re a omni-focused task person, not as in the platform, but working on one thing at a time.

[0:13:53.1] MB: Definitely. Even the idea of how Evernote interacts with stress. The idea that I think about is the the notion, coming back to the notion of the external brain, right? The power for me in Evernote is that having all of this knowledge information, externalizing something that I can trust and know that it's there and know that I can find it and recall it instantly, frees up my processing power, so that I can dedicate it completely to focusing on what I'm doing, or I can unleash almost another level of creativity and thinking and focus onto anything, because I know that – I don't have anything else jumbling around in my head.

I put it in Evernote and then I honestly just let go of it. I know that I can find it and retrieve it the instant that I need it. That peace of mind is really powerful in terms of letting me get that focus and also cultivate more creative approaches to challenges or problems.

[0:14:47.8] CB: Yeah, I agree. I have a module I teach called Planning Your Perfect Today. What it is is this template inside of Evernote that lets you get things out of your head. You wake up, you're like, “I need to give Matt a ring. I need to do this or that.” These things start flooding your head. Having a place to get those off your mind, this is getting things done, stuff – get them off your mind and then you can objectively review them and prioritize and sequence them and then choose your top three for that day, set your Pomodoro timer and actually dig in and get to work on what matters the most. Instead of attempting to hold that in your brain and it starts stealing focus from you.

There's a method I use and teach for figuring out what to put in Evernote, because most everyone listening has Evernote on their phone right now. The question is how do you know when to put things in there? I'll give you a very simple way to do it. It's something I call the I dig it, I need it bell. It is the bell that goes off in your head when you recognize that something's either interesting, or important to you. Let's say you're going through your inbox and you just booked a flight and your flight confirmation is sitting there. You'll hear a bell in your head, sounds like that. When you hear that bell in your head, that is your cue to save that directly into Evernote right then.

Then I teach how to tag that. The method I used to do it, sometimes people have a tough time figuring out what tags should be, but it's actually very simple; who, what, where, why. Who, what, where, why. The reason this worked so well, so I just booked a flight to Irvine because I'm speaking at an event down there next month. When the flight confirmation came in, I tagged it as follows; travel, flight, southwest. I tagged it based on the name of the event I'm speaking at and even the person who invited me to speak at that event.

Here's the cool thing about it, it's like it gives you different context points to pull that information up later depending on how it pops into your head in the future. If you're like, “I've got a flight next month, what's the info on that?” Well, I can search for flight. Or if I'm like, “What's everything involved in this upcoming event that I'm doing?” I can pull up that tag, the flight will be there along with any other information about the event.

It ends up being a very magical thing, because you're your spoon feeding yourself the exact context points to get back to it immediately. The next wave of power here comes from searching for one tag and then searching for another. If I search for the tag flight, there'll be hundreds of flights there. Of course, this would be near the top because I just put it in there. If I add in the name of the event, or I'm flying to Irvine, add a second tag, it will filter by only those. This is how you find exactly what you need in five seconds.

Like you said, with your 10,000 notes, you can pull up our last conversation immediately. I would pull up the tag Matt and I would pull up the tag notes. Every conversation we've had would be there instantaneously.

[0:18:12.1] MB: Tagging is one of the – well, zooming out even a little bit, because this ties back in this idea of tagging. I consider myself a power user of Evernote, right? I mean, I have over 10,000 notes in Evernote. I've been using it religiously for almost 10 years at this point. I constantly am raving and talking to people about how awesome Evernote is, how it's changed my life, how I love it so much. Yet you came in and probably within 10 minutes of us having a conversation about it, I really didn't tag anything. I didn't really see the value or relevance of tagging and yet, just after our conversation, just implementing tagging has already had a huge increase in my ability to pull stuff up much more quickly and much more rapidly and instantly find whatever I want.

I've got so many notes. It's impossible tasks to ever go back and tag all of them, but what I've done is basically every new note now is getting tagged and then every time I search for something and try to pull it up and access an older note, I just go ahead and throw four or five tags in there and it makes it so much easier and so much quicker. All that to say, like I'm somebody who's at the 1% probably and I don't say that in the hubris. It’s just from raw amount of notes that I have of an Evernote user base.

You still are dropping tips left and right that I had no idea about the – You threw something out a minute ago about Siri. I don't even know what you're talking about, but that sounds like, “Oh, that sounds interesting. I wonder how I could use Siri to be more effective.”

[0:19:32.8] CB: I’ll explain that. Right before I do that, I want to – I've had these debates with other friends of mine in the productivity world that aren't using tags and they're like, Evernote search capabilities are ridiculously strong. I can find whatever I need. The fact is they can.

Here's a very logical and simple difference why tags are better. That is as follows; if you search for the word car, Evernote is going to find it. Any note, any PDF, any handwritten note, it will find it. It will also find any word carpet, or carpe diem, or car – anything, it's going to find that too. You'll have to sift through it. If you search for the tag car, you're only going to get what you intended to find when you captured it in the first place. Having that in the back of your mind, simply coming up with a tagger to it, you don't necessarily need four or five tags per note. Even one or two usually does the trick. It's always in context of what you're capturing.

As far as the Siri shortcuts go, this came out of course a few months back when Siri shortcuts came out in iOS 12. When you're on the mobile version of Evernote on iOS device and you go into a note, you'll see those three little dots in the top-right corner that represent a menu icon. You touch those and one of them is going to be Siri shortcut. The way to use that to great effect is anything that you're pulling up with some frequency, like I wouldn't make one for my notes from this conversation, but I do have one for that morning workout, I have one for my Kaiser card, I have one for things that – like my booking links.

I can just press Siri at any point, no matter what apps up, just say, “Booking links,” it will open Evernote and open to the note that has my booking link, so I can cut and paste them into other apps. Same thing, I walk into Kaiser, my health care provider to say, “Kaiser card,” and show them my phone and I'm good to go.

Those types of situations where things you would reference with some frequency I have this not particularly a morning affirmation guy, but I found one that I actually do enjoy and I have a shortcut for that as well. It's just really nice, because it takes the hunting out – when there's little barriers to entry, even tiny ones, this this gets a little wild, Matt. I have a treadmill desk. If there's a Amazon box sitting on there, an empty one even, I might not walk on the thing, because something is in the way and I'm like, “I'd have to move this, or do that.” Where if you make the path clear so that it's simple, then you will do it.

There's a chair I meditate in before bed and if there's clothes on it, there's a good chance I won't. If it's perfectly clean and ready to go, there's a massive chance I will. The point in bringing that up is design things to be frictionless.

[0:22:45.8] MB: You literally just – in real-time, I just realized I carry a very thin wallet. I have maybe five cards in my wallet and two of those cards or health insurance cards. I just realized just now I could take both of those out and just take a picture and put them in Evernote. You're in real-time adding value to me, because I just reduced the number of cards that I carry by 25% just based on the advice you just gave me.

I want to zoom out a little bit, because we're getting really tactical and I think this stuff is important. For people who are who are extreme power users like you and me, this is great. Let's say somebody has Evernote, or even they're thinking about, or they want to use it, or they say, “Oh, I should be using that, but I just can't get into it,” what would be some really simple strategies to either start using it more regularly, or maybe some basic principles that are really effective to get started with and get some value out of Evernote, for someone who's not already weighed deep down the journey of using it?

[0:23:37.1] CB: Oh, good point. There's a couple things; for one, there's something I created and teach called the power trifecta. It is the combination of tools, workflows and habits. What's missing in a lot of these conversations about tools like Evernote is people think it's about how the tool works; the factors you do need to know that. You also need to know how you should apply it to your life, to your business, profession, school, whatever it is you do. You can have the best tool in the world, but if you're not applying it to your life and your business, then you don't actually have Evernote, you have #nevernote and never note doesn't hook you up very often.

Let's say you do know how to use it and you know how to apply it to your world, the next part is habits. You need to be in the habit of capturing the information, so it's there when you need it. As I was mentioning earlier, the way to do it, this is the simple, simple way to do it; simply recognize when something's interesting or important, because that is your cue to put it into Evernote right then and tag it based on the who, what, where, why. Simply using those basic things, it will start being easy.

Let's say you're going through your e-mail inbox. Most of it not going to be super relevant to you, but let's say you got unsolicited testimonial from one of your star clients. You're going to hear that bell in your head, “This is interesting and important. I'm going to need that.” That's your cue to save it directly into Evernote. Or let's say you're at Home Depot and the receipt spits out of the self-checkout, just take a second and snap a picture of that receipt because when you get home, your wife might tell you the new fan you bought doesn't match the blinds correctly.

Since the receipt might have blown around in your car, why put any risk of not being able to find the thing? These are simple things. You're going to hear the bell in your head, you come up with that great new idea for a blog post, or a new product, or a way to serve your client in a unique way. When you think of it, just write it down in Evernote. Step one, just getting the habit of realizing when you're coming across something that you find interesting, or you know it's important and then save it in Evernote, tag it.

That's where everything starts getting a lot easier. Like I said, I teach people. Every day I have thousands of students. I teach them how to save three hours a week. When you save three hours a week, you’re reclaiming time in these little pockets using the five-second superpower. Saving three hours a week adds up to a 144 hours a year, or 18 working days of reclaimed time.

I will emphasize at least for me, and actually a lot of my clients and students that time savings is killer. I mean, the most valuable thing we have on the planet is time. That's not the most valuable reward from learning this, it's dialing back the stress levels, it's killing the chaos of information overload by giving yourself systems you trust.

To simply get started, get the app on your phone, log in there and learn the basics how to make a new note; simply click the new note button or plus sign and just get in the habit of doing that for anything in your world that's interesting or important.

[0:27:15.2] MB: I'm guessing you listen to this podcast, because you want to improve yourself in some way. That's why I'm so excited to have our amazing sponsor Skillshare back to sponsor us once again.

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[0:29:10.9] MB: You brought up another great point, which is something that I've intuitively developed over the last year, five plus years using Evernote. That’s the difference between – I think Evernote is beautiful; one, because it's a methodology to capture ideas and information, but it's also really effective at then consolidating and organizing them. I think that's actually another principle from GTD, or maybe from somewhere else, but it's this idea that when I get up at 3:00 in the morning and I have this flash of insight and I have, “Oh, this is a great idea,” I just open Evernote, jot it in, typos, whatever and just hit okay. Close it. Then I'll get up the next morning, or at a absolute bare minimum, I have a weekly ritual of every Sunday going through my – all the Evernote notes I've created in the last seven days and sometimes even going back further just to see what's been on my mind recently and consolidating those.

A lot of times, I'll keep a list in many different instances and for many different businesses and projects that I’m involved with, I have idea lists of hey, here's all the marketing ideas I have for this company. Then if I get up in the middle of the night and I have an idea for it, I might just throw that as a new note. Then when I'm going through my consolidation, I'll add that to the list and then think about, “Okay, I want to make sure this list is ranked in terms of priority and ease or whatever,” and there's a lot of ways to do that too. That's a whole another rabbit hole.

All that to say, then I go, I just search for the tag for marketing ideas for that company and I have a list of 25 ideas that I've come up with previously, and so I say, “Hey, I want to do some new marketing initiatives. Here's all the thinking I've already done around it.” I can just cherry-pick the top two or three off of that and start executing on them.

[0:30:47.8] CB: That's perfect. A couple quick ideas about that, if you want to consolidate into a single note list like you're referring to, that would be a good example of a note to create a Siri shortcut for. Let's say you were consulting, it could be your own company, or you’re consulting another company, you just make a Siri shortcut for marketing ideas, for Acme productivity company. That way, you can pull them up immediately.

The other way to do it and I do these things both ways; I'll give you two examples, but the other way I would do that where you never actually have to go back and consolidate them would be when one of those ideas pop in, you capture it, you note it and then I tag it idea and then I tag it the name of the company. In the future when I want those, I simply search for those two tags, all these separate notes will come up that have those and I've got them right there.

An example of a note that I do use a consolidated list would be when I get oil changes in the car, I'll just pull up the same note and track them in there. You can certainly do it either way, whatever connects and reflects best with the way you work and think. The most streamlined way in general is to simply make a new note and tag it idea and the name of the company, because oh well, other than that Siri shortcut idea that gets you straight to that note and to start with. There's always more than one way to do it. I lean more toward the just making a new note and tagging it approach.

[0:32:24.0] MB: Well, you bring up a great point too, which is a lot of times and I think I'm as guilty of this as anybody, but a lot of times it's so easy to get caught up in trying to do it perfectly and saying, “Oh, I screwed up. I forgot to enter this idea. Or Oh, I forgot to use Evernote last week. Or Oh, I'm not doing it the exact right step-by-step, every single little thing right.” Then so you just give up and stop doing it, which is the worst possible thing. Even if you're using it to 20% of its capacity, you can get huge dividends from applying it.

Just because it's being – It doesn't have to be perfect, right? Your method for categorizing ideas, you don't have to have a neat, perfect, curated list. You could just throw it in there with some typos, tag it up. Then when you have that search, you can still find all the relevant information. There's no one perfect way. A lot of times getting caught up in needing, or having, or thinking that it has to be this exact perfect strategy or has to be exactly a certain way and then you give up and say, “Oh, just too hard to do Evernote, because I can't get it organized the way I want.” You're sometimes giving up a huge opportunity to really externalize a lot of your ideas and make your thinking a lot more clearer.

[0:33:30.9] CB: Yeah, I agree. I feel even if you didn't use some of the cool stuff we're talking about, you'd have a significant advantage simply just capturing stuff in there and never tagging it. Some people that buy my programs, or hire me for consulting, they wish they had – were starting with this fresh, clean slate, right? They're like, “Oh, if only I'd learned this and done this to start with.” Of course, that'd be lovely, right?

I still think they're at a significant advantage over people who are starting today, because if they have this whole array of content in Evernote, maybe they don't feel it's super organized, they still get the benefit of using search. Now they can search for whatever they want and they have that advantage over people that didn't start earlier, who have nothing to search for yet until they start putting things in there.

Here's another cool point; some people have a hodgepodge of stuff, ways you can start organizing what you already have without going painstakingly back through all the notes is simply, let's say you're going through and found a bank statement. Look for a string of text on there that's only going to be in your bank statements and search for that. Then next thing you know, all the bank statements show up immediately. You command A to highlight them all and tag them all at once. You can start organizing some of the more important items in your backlog of stuff.

I can tell you firsthand, the feeling you get inside when you need something and you're able to pull it up instantly, like I do a lot of shows and interviews and stuff and sometimes the host may not have my bio handy or something. They didn't see it in the e-mail, so I can go to Evernote, search for the tag bio, it's up instantly, copy a link, message it to them or text them. That feels good.

What doesn't feel good is when you need something that you know should be in Evernote, you go and look and it's not there, because you didn't put it in, the difference in the feeling; one, you feel like a rock star who can do anything. The other feels so hollow, because you know you let yourself down.

All I'm getting at there is by getting in the habit of allowing yourself to be a rock star, listening to the idea that I need a bell and following it every time, it's that cue that triggers a routine that delivers a reward. We want the reward to be time savings and killing the chaos of information overload. That's exactly what this solution delivers.

[0:36:15.4] MB: This might be a little bit going back to the deeper, more power user ask questions, but I'm curious for someone who has so many notes, do you ever have – let's say you and then this may not be directly, but let's say you were working on a project, or you change jobs and suddenly you have 700 notes from an old project, or a company that you sold and you're no longer involved with, do you look – do you just keep those in there? Do you look to archive them? How do you typically handle if you have a large chunk of information that no longer is relevant, or potentially you want in there?

[0:36:47.3] CB: Yeah. Actually when Evernote invited me to their campus to do a Facebook Live for their audience, they asked me the same question. My approach to it, it's just mine. It's not something I'm saying everyone should do, but basically I have 39,000 notes right now and I have stuff from way back in the day. The question was do you go back through and do housecleaning and purge older things? The short answer is I don't. I don't see a need to spend time on that. I have a lot higher priority ways to spend my time.

That said, there's some very simple ways to do it. If you are in the mood to do some housecleaning with your Evernote stuff, it is easy to do. For one, you can do searches for any notes that are over a certain age and then you could glance through those and figure out if you could purge them too, you could pull up a tag, or a notebook for a project, or team that just isn't in your world anymore, whatsoever. You just know you're not going to need it, sure blow it away.

The other trick I use occasionally is if I just know I'm capturing something that I'm certainly never going to need again after a certain date or point, I simply tag it and delete later. I'm pre-identifying, as I capture it that I'm not going to need this information later on purpose. Let's say it was a digital ticket to a show, or something, something where after you use it, it's no longer valuable to you. Then you could tag it delete later and every month or two, just pull that up and delete it later. There's some simple ways to do it. I haven't seen a huge advantage to spending time that way, but it is very easy to prune it down using techniques like that.

[0:38:39.0] MB: What's interesting, the theme that I've seen again and again from the way that you approach this and the way you’ve answered some of these questions is almost the philosophy from – I’m forgetting the exact term, but lean manufacturing, right? The idea of touch it once and that's it. When it enters, you tag it up, touch it, get it the way you want it to be and then you don't ever come back and edit or mess with it again. You can if you want to, but it's really from an efficiency standpoint, you're basically saying you want to do maybe one second extra on the front end to get a tag and categorize correctly and then you don't mess with it anymore after that, other than looking it up again.

[0:39:12.0] CB: Yeah. There's something else I teach called a working space. Those are the types of things I come back to. I do go back to notes and continue working on them. To your point, yes, I absolutely think it's worth spending an extra second or two to come up with a couple tag that saves you so much time later. Basically, what you're doing is in investing in saving yourself time in the future. At the expense of that extra second, like for these notes I'm taking right now, how long did it take me to type your name, the word podcast and Science of Success? I'm a pretty quick typer, that probably took literally three seconds if that.

For me, it's certainly worth it because when we talk again in a week or two or whatever, or in six months, I just search for your name and bam, we're picking up right where we left off, maintaining momentum. Quick best practice for anyone using Evernote if you're in meetings throughout the day. As a habit when you sit down for a new meeting, simply make a new note. It's just part of your flow. This is how Matt does it. It's how I do it. Sit down for a meeting, make a new note, tag it with the person's name, tag it with the reason you're meeting with them, the who, what, where, why.

Then as you're taking notes throughout the conversation, anytime there's an action item, simply click the little checkbox that's a task. That way when you're scanning through your notes at the end of the call, especially if you're going call to call to call throughout the day, it's super nice to just scan through, see any of the actions. A nice little best practice perk I would throw in there too, right when you hang up, glance through it, identify what those actions are, set a reminder on it if you need to if there's a follow-up, or cut and paste those tasks into a task manager.

A little trick I've been using that I am enjoying is writing a little sentence or two summary of the meeting and outcomes and next steps at the top. When I pull up our notes a week from now, I don't have to go dive in and figure out what I meant in my notes, but I give myself a nice little summary.

[0:41:33.1] MB: To recap things, give me in one or two sentences why you think Evernote is so important and so powerful and why people should use it?

[0:41:41.1] CB: I consider Evernote the foundation. It's the cornerstone of sanity. It doesn't mean we're not using other tools. In fact, I'm a big fan of using the right tool for the job, but in my professional opinion Evernote is the foundation of all of it. Let's say you're writing a book, or some long scripts, or something like that, Google Docs would be the appropriate choice, because you can track changes. It's the right tool for the job, but it plays nicely with Evernote. In fact, it natively integrates with Evernote, so that I can use Google Docs with my team and then that Google Doc is linked inside of Evernote and tagged Google Docs, it's tagged copyrighting, it's tagged whatever I need it to be, so I can still find whatever I need in five seconds and Evernote is leading me to exactly where the info is.

To me, this is a pillar of productivity and I would be utterly lost without it. I'm quite grateful that not only I get to benefit from it every day, but I get to reach millions of people a year helping them get organized and kill the chaos of information overload. In fact, right after this session I'm jumping on a meeting with the new CEO of Evernote.

[0:42:57.5] MB: Very exciting. That just goes to show what an expert you are that the CEO of Evernote is calling you and having meetings with you and asking you for advice and feedback about the platform.

[0:43:06.9] CB: Yeah. It will be a community call. I met with Chris the last CEO a few times. I even got him to plug my course on camera.

[0:43:16.6] MB: Nice. Well, so for listeners who want to concretely implement this, want to start taking action on this, what would be an action step, or a piece of homework that you would give them to begin the journey of letting Evernote change your life?

[0:43:28.0] CB: I would recommend they write down this URL and then go there. It is sos.killthechaos.pro/training. That's sos.killthechaos.pro/training. What that will do is get you on an actual training where Matt and I dive into all the core features of Evernote and exactly how to use them. We dig deeper into the power trifecta. For those of you who are just eager to get going this second, simply make sure you have Evernote on your phone or computer, log into your accounts, start getting comfortable with making a new note and listen for the I dig it, I need it bell to be your trigger to capture things in Evernote right then. I can assure you the liberation that comes with it is it comes in very short order. It's certainly worth your time.

[0:44:15.7] MB: Thanks for sharing that URL. That's right. I've partnered up with Charles. I think what he's doing is so important. I'm such a huge fan, advocate, absolute power super user of Evernote. That's why I wanted to bring him in and conduct a free training for all the Science of Success listeners. You can go check that out and sign up at sos.killthechaos.pro/training.

[0:44:37.6] CB: Beautiful.

[0:44:38.4] MB: Charles, thank you for coming on the show and sharing all this knowledge.

[0:44:41.7] CB: Oh, my pleasure Matt. Thanks for having me.

[0:44:44.8] MB: Thank you so much for listening to the Science of Success. We created this show to help you our listeners, master evidence-based growth. I love hearing from listeners. If you want to reach out, share your story, or just say hi, shoot me an e-mail. My e-mail is matt@successpodcast.com. That’s M-A-T-T@successpodcast.com. I’d love to hear from you and I read and respond to every single listener e-mail.

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April 02, 2019 /Lace Gilger
Creativity & Memory, Focus & Productivity
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